Tonight’s Impact was dedicated to the memory of Mae Young. She’s tapping out Jesus now while the crowd still chants for Savage, who’s in the main event with Eddie Guerrero.

Spud is in the ring to start us off and introduced Dixie Carter. Spud sat on the rope to pull it down for Dixie and she kicked him in the butt. She don’t need no one holding the ropes down for her. It was a nice little touch. Dixie basically threatened the locker room and brought up last week. Dixie thanks God the AJ story is over and says it’s a new beginning. Hence the name Genesis. She introduced Magnus after that as the crowd chants for AJ. I hope he’s not done. I don’t remember the last time he was so over.

Magnus comes out with both belts and handed one to Dixie after calling her a champion of the people. Dixie/Rock at WM31. Dixie introduced the heels who helped out last week to thank them. Dixie gave Spud the title to hold and I marked out. Dixie thanks all the heels and said they’ll be getting a bigger paycheck. Tonight is the Genesis of Dixie Carter’s TNA, but to do that they have to stick together. EC3 is going to have to take out Sting. After that she brought EC3. Each week suicide is harder to hold off. Before EC3 can even speak the lights go out and Sting’s music hits. Sting’s in the crowd and he points a bat at the ring. The segment ended. I avoided committing suicide after all.

Or perhaps not as when we came back from commercial, Sting’s music is still playing. He said he hopes that the pay off was worth it and said the people who didn’t sell out have honour, and Dixie can’t comprehend that. He threatened Dixie and Shield’d his way to the ring. Shield is a verb now. He cuts a promo on Magnus and says that TNA is a house divided that cannot stand. “We” are gonna fight tonight. The faces appeared on the ramp and Sting says tonight they’re taking back what’s theirs and a locker room sized brawl breaks out. I want to say their roster is small but it’s about the right size really. No one is squandered or disappearing every few weeks besides Kenny King and TJ Perkins. Sting is left in the ring with EC3 and hits him with the bat as they go to break. Again. When they come back all the heels are on the ramp and Joe has the mic. What fabulous directing.

Even before meeting Sister Abigail, Bray was a weird dude.

Even before meeting Sister Abigail, Bray was a weird dude.

This segnment insists on continuing as Joe says they’re not leaving until they get into a fight. Spud makes a six on six tag match playa that’s gonna start right now.

Faces vs Heels in a 12 man tag match
They all brawl at the start and people get hurt. Joe and Zema Ion are the two legal men by default as everyone else fights on the floor. Basically a pair of faces and heels go in the ring and then out one after the other. Storm is on the face team for what it’s worth, as is Gunner. My left foot went numb but my doctor says I don’t have diabeetus so it’s okay. Eventually this turned into an actual six on six match with people on the apron and I hit fast forward. I’d had more than enough by this point. TNA is sponsored by five hour energy because it takes one to get through it. Oh, Genesis is lasting two weeks. Fun. Park turns into Abyss and takes out Storm and Gunner too. Joe wins with the choke on Daniels. Look guys, Joe’s getting pushed. Again.

Velvet Sky is backstage with Austin Aries. He plugs his trading card and was trying to convince her to leave Sabin. Sabin comes in and drags her to the ring.

Angle is also backstage looking for Dixie and Al.

Speaking of before they became creepy, say hello to Taker.

Speaking of before they became creepy, say hello to Taker.

Sabin is in the ring with Velvet Sky and he calls her selfish. I never realised how thin she was. Sabin tells Velvet she has some explainin’ to do and Aries comes out for the save. He tells Sabin that a better title for him would be “The worst boyfriend that ever lived.” and I nearly barfed as he said he’d make an exception to his veganism for “a piece of pigeon pie”. Oh God strike me down. If you love me you’ll kill me. Sabin says that Velvet loves him and does what he says, and Aries says that’s the problem. Velvet needs to be who she knows she is, and who the fans know she is. Aries goes to call her a hot piece of ass and Sabin interrupts him for feminism. Sabin calls her toots and grabs her ass. Aries challenges him to a one on one title match next week. To take Velvet out of the equation and wants Velvet to go inside a cage. Velvet says she’ll do it, it reminds her of her time before being a wrassler. Velvet wants a man who’ll support her, not blame her, and Sabin won’t have her help. She teases leaving Sabin if he loses the match. I saw someone on the Flock say they predict an Aries and Velvet live sex celebration. I think I’m going to have to take next week off.

Angle is still backstage but he’s changed his clothes. Still can’t find Dixie. Dexter is backstage and is congratulated by some faceless schmuck. Schmuck tells Dexter to not focus on Christie and gets his ass kicked for daring to mention her name. He beats the guy to death with his own shoe.

EC3 backstage segment. Magnus comes in too, and says he sees a rookie who doubts himself. The crowd was cheering and I wondered what they were seeing. They tease some dissension and Magnus walks out, wishing him luck. Or something.

That's Tank Abbot giving a whole new meaning to "blade job".

That’s Tank Abbot giving a whole new meaning to “blade job”.

Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson in a No DQ match
Anderson runs out and attacks Bully before the match can start and the two brawl outside and inside the ring. The pair have a chair duel with Anderson coming out on top. Bully whips him with a chain for his troubles and gets in the ref’s face after a two count. It’s amazing how you can watch at double speed and not miss anything. Anderson introduces a guard rail to the match but it’s Bully who uses it before both guys take splashes on it. Anderson even hits a mic check onto it for just a two count. Anderson grabs a table and drives Bully through it but, again, gets a two count. He gets another table and Bully grabs the lighter fluid. Anderson snaps and goes to set the table on fire but Bully grabs him and pile drives him for the win. This feud will almost definitely see a flaming table though.

Kurt Angle confronts Al Snow in catering and knocks him out after Snow wouldn’t rat out Dixie.

Kurt Angle then comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. He calls out Dixie for involving his family. Dixie says Angle needs to realise things have changed and it’s not seven years ago. Angle says it isn’t because seven years ago Dixie was a good woman and asks her why she faked a family emergency. Dixie says she did it for the Rock, and for Angle. If she didn’t get Angle out the building he’d have made a choice he’d regret. Angle asks her why she’s so crazy and Dixie says that Angle isn’t smart enough to make the decision to not fight. She did what was best for him, and for her team. Angle says that he’s not on her team and he’ll be in Sting’s corner tonight. Dixie says he’s clearly insane and postpones his match until next week. I don’t see why the crowd booed that. They’ll still get to see it. Dixie threatens to fire anyone who gets involved in the main event and Angle dares her to fire him. He doesn’t care about his job, or his family, or anything. Dixie has him removed from the building for his own protection. Roode attacks Angle from behind as he argues with security and hits the Roode Bomb. That’s the name for that sweet looking Fireman’s Carry Neckbreaker he does. Security drags out a dead Angle.

Improper use of the Fireman's Carry

Improper use of the Fireman’s Carry

Madison Rayne gets assaulted backstage.

Dixie is backstage with Scott Armstrong and informs him he won’t be the ref in the main event after his actions last week.

Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim for the Knockouts Title
A mild USA chant breaks out during this match because Gail is Asian and Americans are racist. The pair really go at it and Kim does her best to focus on the injured abdomen. Tapa attacks Rayne outside the ring and gets thrown to the back even though that’s grounds for a DQ. Gail does her good old fashioned Figure Four on the corner but ultimately Madison wins and is the new Knockouts champ. She’s now a five time, five time, five time, five time, five time knockout champ.

Sting is backstage and tells the guys in the back to stay in the back. A video package teasing a real new Impact or some stuff airs. Impact is getting a TV network or something.

Dixie is backstage with the American Wolves and says they have a tryout match next week. If they win, they get a contract…except…they already signed their contract earlier in the day. Dixie asks who counter signed it and they give her an envelope and walk out. TNA has a new investor and I hope this is a shoot. They could do with one.

This was called "If Vince Owned NBA" but Vince would never have a black man in the XBA.

This was called “If Vince Owned NBA” but Vince would never have a black man in the XBA.

Sting vs EC3 with special guest referee Rockstar Spud
Rockstar Spud actually got a “You’re a douchebag” chant. I don’t get why Tazz couldn’t say douchebag either. It’s TV14 after all. Spud is totally in EC3’s favour and pulls Sting away from EC3 whenever he can. Sting ignores him and just does what he wants, including suplexing EC3 on the ramp. EC3 gets back into it after a distraction by Spud and pounds more ass than a gay porn star. Cock talk! Sting gets the Deathlock in and Spud gets on his back. Sting just uses Spud to hit EC3 and drops him. Spud refuses to count but Sting grabs his hand and forces him. Magnus pulls EC3 out before he can count three and then takes his shirt off to reveal a ref shirt of his own. EC3 rolls Sting up and Magnus fast counts the three. EC3 wins.

Post match Sting challenges Magnus and says he’ll do anything, anything, to fight Magnus. Sting believed in Magnus and now he’s disgraced J.J Styles, Jeff Hardy, and the wrasslin business. Magnus is a cancer and Sting wants one. More. Match. Magnus says that Sting can never compete for the title again, and says he owes Sting nothing. Magnus says that Dixie is considering extending Sting’s contract and uses it as a negotiation tool. If Sting wins, he gets the title, and if Magnus wins, he tears Sting’s contract to shred and Sting is done. Sting accepts the match and in the back of his mind, dreams about facing Taker at Wrestlemania. The match is next week and it’s going to be hard for me to avoid spoilers. Tazz and Tenay hype up Genesis Part Two as the show goes off the air.

A collection of TNA scripts.

A collection of TNA scripts.

It wasn’t a bad show, I’m just getting very very tired. I’m interested to see what happens with Sting. I think the only way he’ll go to the E is if he can face Taker, but I don’t know if Taker is even doing a match this year. This might be Sting’s last chance. Maybe this ties into the new investor storyline and Sting DOES lose his contract, but gets resigned. This could all be building to a huge return for AJ, Sting and Jeff Hardy. Stay positive folks. Not understanding where something is going doesn’t make it bad. It means you get to explore the possibilities. THEN you get disappointed when they go with the worst option.

Post by Noyce

Mark Noyce is one of the co-hosts of Bored Wrestling Fan and occasional contributor to the site. He's published a few books on Amazon you can find by searching his name and is looking for voice and written work so contact him via Twitter if you're interested.

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