TNA Impact 17/07/2014; Impact Live(s)By Noyce · · Leave a Comment
Because Joe didn’t review RAW, it technically didn’t happen. Impact happened though and despite my better judgement I’m watching it live again. God help me. THE SIX SIDED RING IS BACK! TAKE THAT ARIES! Kurt Angle starts the show SHIELD style to introduce the six sided ring. It got a pretty big pop. Tazz was also up in the crowd. Tazz pumps up Angle and wrestling in general. He mentions being in ECW and says the TNA locker room is filled with the same kind of people that filled the ECW locker room. He says some catchphrase, and the music of Bully Ray hits. Ray is with Tommy Dreamer and they enter the ring together. COCK TALK. Bully reaffirms his promise to put Dixie through a table and promises the fans will get tables too. The fans chant for Dreamer and he brings up ECDub himself. He thanks the fans for supporting them through their entire careers and says the wrasslers will do anything for the fans when EC3 appears with Rhino. EC3 says that Bully won’t put Dixie through a table, and he’s already failed before. Rhino threatens to kill the audience for booing EC3. Extreme Cash III says he pays Rhino well and counters the “you can’t wrestle chants”. Damn I love this guy. He says that NYC is the Big Crapple and Dreamer says TNA isn’t PG and what he wants is less talking and more action. Dreamer and Bully throw EC3 and Rhino out of the ring. Tenay says the match will be after the break.
EC3 and Rhino vs Tommy Dreamer and Bully Ray The match is indeed on. Bully and Dreamer take turns kicking the cash out of Extreme Cash III. Ethan tags out and the roles reverse, for only a second. Ray and Dreamer hit synchronised corner punches which was pretty cool, but Spud runs out for the distraction and to cheerlead. Ray gets the hot tag and clears house. Dreamer and Ray hit a 3D but Ethan kicks out, and then Rhino kicks off and throws Bully out the ring. Tommy tries to put Ethan away but Spud interferes. Dreamer tries to get rid of Spud and gets rolled up for a pin by Ethan. Angle is backstage. He runs into Aries and says the fans want some X-Division. He has one last match before Destination X. It’s an 8 man gauntlet match. Punk Lite says he’ll prove he’s the best in the world. I mean, greatest who ever lived.
Sanada and Storm are backstage. Storm compliments Sanada and then slaps him in the face. He says if Sanada stays so disciplined and keeps listening to Muta, he’s going to continue to fail, and warns him to be careful who he listens to.
Austin Aries vs Eddie Edwards (And Others) in a gauntlet match for the X-Divison belt. Ooh, a real gauntlet match. The last gauntlet match in TNA was a battle royal. Oh wait, this IS a battle royal. It’s a mini-rumble. When two men are left it becomes a singles match. That clear? Good. Kinam (it’s Manik backwards!) is out third and sends Aries out through the middle rope, so he’s not eliminated. Davey Richards is out fourth and the Wolves work together. DJ Z is out next. I still kind of miss his old, beautiful, hair. Manik eliminates DJ Z and himself in one go. Back from break Crazzy Steve and Tigre Uno joined the match, but no eliminations. Damn, I wanted to hear Tigre Uno’s music.
Sanada is out next, and last. He chops down everyone, literally, and focuses on Aries. Steve goes Crazzy and sprays silly string on Tigre Uno and eliminates him. That actually happened. Then the Wolves eliminated Steve. Sanada reverses a powerbomb and eliminates both Wolves. It’s down to Aries and Sanada. Sanada has a cool little beard now too. Sanada crawls to the ropes in the Last Chancery. The pair have another great match that ends with Aries hitting a Brainbuster for the win. Aries picks up Sanada and they shake hands.
Eric Young and Bobby Roode are backstage. Roode says MVP is their common enemy and the only question is who gets to punch MVP first. I forgot he was healed now because he’s been crippled for ever. James Storm is backstage, he beats the shit out of Sanada while calling him a loser and telling him to fight back. He says Muta is a fraud and so is Sanada. I bet Storm mentions Pearl Harbour when he fights Muta. John Morrison is looking pretty ripped in Hercules. Oh wait, that’s The Dwayne. We’re also halfway through the show and I don’t really regret choosing to watch live. Jeff Hardy is backstage. He’s asked why he did away with Willow, and said it was Kurt Angle. Pretty much it. MVP is in the ring with the rest of his crew, and he’s still on crutches. Guess he’s still injured. MVP says he’ll still get in the ring on crutches, and Kenny King says he could beat Team Canada by himself, but Angle is abusing his power. MVP says he’ll still wrestle, but under protest.
MVP and Kenny King vs Bobby Roode and Eric Young King and EY start things off. MVP calls for a tag, and then calls for a time out when he gets one. He eventually gets in the ring, and King quickly tags himself in. MVP tags in and teases not being injured at all anymore. To be honest I’m not sure if he is or isn’t. He doesn’t stay in the ring long and King takes care of most of the match. MVP uses a crutch as a weapon and gets a DQ. King grabs the other one and they both go to town on the Canadians.
Brittany vs Madison Rayne in a no DQ match Come back to me FFW button. I’m sorry for rejecting you. I can’t tell what the fans are chanting but I’m sure it’s derogatory. The match isn’t actually too bad. It’s rough, violent, and aggressive. The TNA fans actually chant “Jerry!” and “Christie Hemme.” Told ya it was derogative. Rayne wins with that DDT thing she does. Tenay called it a Package DDT.
There’s 40 minutes left of the show and apparently the main event is coming up. Damn. Dixie is asked why she’s in the arena and she replies by saying she OWNS THE COMPANY. She says that she’s put Bully through two tables, and his bark is worse than his bite. Aries is asked about his victory and Angle interrupts him, saying he’s proud of him. Aries says Angle is the only one to, and that he created option C to help everyone and not just himself, and Angle says that next week he has to make it official if he cashes in or not.
Jeff Hardy vs Lashley for the World Heavyweight Championship This could be terrible. There’s half an hour left in the show. I wonder if they’ll end with a promo segment and not a match. Hardy manages to get quite a bit of offense in using his speed but doesn’t keep Lashley down for long. Lashley whips Hardy on to the stairs and then rips his legs out under him to send him down face first on to them. Ouch. He takes complete control of that and just pounds Hardy, well, hard. Hardy fights back and gets a near fall with a Twist o Fate and Swanton. He goes for another Swanton on the steel steps but Lashley dodges and Hardy breaks his own back. He’s then Spear’d into Oblivion and Lashley gets the win. Guess we’re ending with a promo segment.
Angle hypes up Lashley and tries to stop Dixie from going out to the ring. She chastises Angle and says she’s going to talk to her people, in response to Angle calling the fans “Bully’s people”. The Crew are celebrating backstage when Kurt interrupts them and says MVP is going to be in a Falls Count Anywhere match next week. Rockstar Spud is in the ring, and he introduces Madam Dixie Carter. The thing I’m going to miss most about Dixie is Spud. I hope he becomes EC3’s bitch. Dixie comes out with Ethan and Rhino for protection. Dixie thanks the fans for their love, but says the feeling isn’t mutual. New York City is so depressing she had to wear extra sparkles. She mocks Tommy Dreamer and him crying. He wanted change, but you can’t change perfection. There’s nothing about Bully Ray that makes him a star. She says the reason he asks the fans if they know him is because they don’t care, and he’s irellevant. She says she should be the Hardcore Star given how many times she’s put Bully through a table. I think some fans would enjoy seeing her in anything containing the word “hardcore”.
Bully and Dreamer interrupt and drag out the Dixie table. They jump in the ring and clean it up, throwing out Ethan and Rhino. Spud promptly gets kicked in the face too. Dreamer grabs Dixie but Ethan low blows him and Spud drags Dixie away, saving her ass for another week. Or not. Devon comes out and he and Bully take out Ethan to send a message to Dixie, who watches from the crowd. Bully calls for the table and Devon obliges. What luck that the one they grab has EC III on it. They 3D him through the table as Dixie cries and the show goes off the air.
Great atmosphere, great crowd, great show. 8/10.
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