TNA Impact 21/11/2013By Noyce · · Leave a Comment
I’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
The show starts with an Impact365 video detailing Bobby Roode attacking James Storm in a bar. It actually looked pretty cool. I think they did this the last time the pair had a feud. Good use of the Impact 365 thing too. It’s not often we get to say Impact did something right.
Dixie is backstage with Samoa Joe. She explains that she watched the show back last week and Joe didn’t perform as well as her. He’ll be fired if he takes that tone with her again. She also says that a unification match between him and AJ would never happen.
Dixie comes out to the ring to start the show properly. Apparently she was in Sports Illustrated. She has to talk about AJ. Every since he decided to not join Team Dixie he’s wrasslin all over the world for minimum wage. She’s got lawyers all over the world to stop AJ from wrestling in the indies and he’ll never make another yen off of her again. James Storm comes out to interrupt.
He brings up the attack that happened “last night” and he’s got a bull rope. It’s not enough though. He wants to use a ton of weapons including some poor guy’s wooden leg. He wants a Florida Deathmatch. Dixie doesn’t care though and won’t change it. Storm says the cops asked if he wanted to have Roode arrested but he said no. If Dixie doesn’t change the match though, he’ll call them back. Storm decides to ask nicely and says please. He gets the match because he asked nicely. Gotta love blackmail.
Samoa Joe vs Magnus in a Falls Count Anywhere match
Joe doesn’t come out to the ring and instead appears on the big screen and challenges Magnus to come out to the back for a scrap. Magnus obliges and they cut to break. Yep. After the break Magnus was dead on the ground and they replayed an epic fight that took place during the break. Magnus regains control and the match goes back to the ring. Magnus hit the big elbow from the top rope for a near fall and Joe hit a Suicide Dive for a near fall of his own on the outside. Magnus grabs a chair from under the ring and sets it up in the corner. I wasn’t aware Falls Count Anywhere meant no DQ. Joe locks in the Kokina Clutch (I don’t know how to spell that) but Magnus fights out of it and sends Joe into the steel chair to pick up the win. I’m kinda torn. I like to see Magnus advance, but Joe made me want to see a unification match between him and AJ.
Park is backstage and says that tonight he ends the speculation.
Bad Influence make their way to the ring and I still can’t believe these guys get booed. Bad Influence is here for our viewing pleasure and you bet your ass I was pleasured by Bad Influence (cock talk!). Kaz sets up Park vs Abyss and says the crowd has permission to worship them and try and enjoy what’s going to happen.
Joseph Park vs Abyss
Joseph Park comes out first of course. He tells Bad Influence (who randomly have popcorn) to shut the hell up. His 18 month search for his brother Abyss has come to a head tonight. This’ll quell the rumours and allegations and he’s going to prove to the world that he’s not a loser. This is his Turning Point. He hands the mic to Christie Hemme to introduce Abyss. The music of the moster hits but of course Abyss doesn’t come out. Hemme introduces him again but still nothing happens. Kaz grabs the mic and asks where Abyss is and tells Park to do a Truffle Shuffle to amuse the fans. Daniels cuts a promo that ends with him saying Park isn’t a man and various insults to that degree. Abyss didn’t come out because he knows Park is a loser and even his great great grandfather Jurassic Park didn’t come. He keeps running down Park to try and get him to snap. He says that they need blood to summon Abyss and if that’s the case they’ll have blood. With that, Kaz dumps an entire bucket of blood onto Park.
Daniels keeps teasing him and says that Abyss isn’t inside Park’s head because he’s nothing but a loser and he’s wasting air. He doesn’t deserve to even be on the planet and should go. Park walks out as Daniels continues to berate and insult him. That was actually the end of the segment. The point of that segment was to say that it has to be PARK’S blood to make him transform.
Gail Kim is in the ring and she re-issues her open challenge.
Gail Kim vs Candice Larea
Candice starts with some strong offense but it doesn’t last. Gail shredrapes her for the majority of the match. Candice gets some more offense in but she doesn’t look very good. Gail fails to get the win with a power bomb but picks it up with Eat De-Feet instead.
James Storm is backstage grabbing any weapon he can on the way out.
Another AJ Styles video package. This one detailing his time in Japan. He even found his Japanese number one fan.
Jeremy Borasch is backstage with Mr Anderson. Anderson says that Bully tried to take what mattered most to him and tonight Anderson is going to take things away from Bully. Aces and Eights are done.
Storm is still backstage and he meets up with Gunner. Gunner tells him he doesn’t need the weapons and Storm agrees. He doesn’t need them, but he wants them. Gunner tells Storm he’s got his back and the pair make out. It felt like they wanted to anyway.
Speaking of overt sexual tension, they run a video package on the history of Storm and Roode and their days in Beer Money and beyond.
James Storm vs Bobby Roode in a Florida Deathmatch
Storm comes out with a trash can filled with weapons and attacks Roode on the ramp as he makes his entrance. The brawl outside the ring continues and Storm gets cut up. If he was Joseph Park he’d have transformed by now. Storm throws Roode in the ring and throws not one, but two trash cans filled with weapons in after him. Cue hardcore shit with every weapon under the sun. They mixed things up with actual wrestling too so it wasn’t so bad when Roode hit Storm with a cookie sheet. They didn’t actually have too much stupid hardcore shit outside of the occasional crutch shot. Storm set a trash can up between Roode’s legs and whacked it with a Singapore Cane to hit a pretty elaborate low blow and we get a return of the cookie sheet. Wonder what Chris Nowinski thinks of unprotected cookie sheet shots to the head. Speaking of unprotected head shots, Storm countered a slingshot into a trash can and instead hit Roode with two trash cans to the head. Roode got his own back by hitting a Spinebuster on to one and pretty much actually busting Storm’s spine.
We go back to campy shit with duelling shots to the head with trash can lids for a teased double knockout. Storm knocks Roode out the ring with a super kick and while he’s out there Roode grabs a beer bottle and smashes it over Storm’s head. Storm gets up in time but all that does is buy him another beating. Roode sets up two chairs in the ring and hits an Attitude Adjustment on Storm. Did I mention this match has Last Man Standing rules? Neither did the commentators. Storm gets up in time again and gets his ass kicked, again. Roode actually tells him to die. Roode pulls out a barbed wire board while Storm gets back up to his feet. There’s a strong E-C-Dub chant while Roode goes for another AA. Gunner runs out and rather than stopping Roode, he throws in the towel to end the match and save Storm’s ass. Roode is your winner. Post match Gunner comes in the ring and Storm flips out at him for stopping the match. The two argue outside the ring some more. I’m actually on Gunner’s side, even if I think he should have just speared Storm or something. If Storm goes heel then I guess we’re getting Beer Money back after all.
There’s a video package where Christie Hemme goes to Samuel Shaw’s house and looks at his “art”. He’s actually a pretty good artist. After they finish “filming” Samuel asks Hemme out on a date and she gives him her number.
Backstage with EC3 and his jobbers. Oh shit, something new with EC3. Bout damn time! He personally flew them in to Florida so they could be on the show. The bad news is that the rivalry has to come to an end because he’s beaten them just too much. If he does it again, he’ll have jumped the shark. He brought them down just to tell them personally that they suck. Tonight he’s going to face a returning TNA legend but it’s cool. He’s a Carter, the world needs him. That was actually pretty good.
Borasch is backstage and introduces Bully Ray. Brooke takes over interviewing duties and asks Bully what he’s going to do. Bully runs down Mr Anderson and how he saved Anderson. He brought Ken in, and tonight he’s going to take him out. After that, he’ll take good care of Anderson’s pregnant wife.
Kurt Angle is backstage pumping up Magnus. He gets interrupted and told he has to go see Dixie.
EC3 vs TNA Legend
Before the match starts EC3 grabs a microphone and pumps his opponent up. He actually introduces his opponent and OH SHIT IT’S SHARK BOY. Fresh from his interview on BWF Radio. Shark Boy actually avoids the oldest trick in the book when EC3 ran around the ring and tried to elbow drop him. EC3 controls most of the match of course and hits his 1% for the win. It was still pretty great to see Shark Boy again.
Video package on Anderson and Bully
Angle and Roode are backstage and Dixie is with them. Joy of joys. Next week is Thanksgiving and next week they’re going to pretend that they care about eachother. They’re going to have a Survivor Series elimination match next week. No, seriously. They get a four man team each and it’s elimination. Should be pretty cool though.
Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson
Before the match starts the TNA music hits and a load of guys come out and stand on the ramp to watch the match. Pretty nice touch. Anderson attacks Bully before Borasch can finish the introductions and takes the time to introduce himself before giving Bully some low blows and shit gets underway. Taz implies that Brooke is a slut by saying that she’s going to check out Bully and she’s “very good in that area”. They trade blows outside the ring and Bully grabs a table. I miss Devon. They go to break and we come back to Bully Ray suplexing Anderson into the ring with a table set up in the corner. Anderson’s changed his ring attire too. He’s wearing AJ’s tights now. That’s AJ Styles, not AJ Lee. She wears those tiny demin shorts in the ring.
Anyway, Bully goes back to beating the shit out of Anderson and wastes him with the chain. He even wrapped the chain around his arm and went for an elbow drop. He missed though so that was bad for him. Anderson took advantage and whaled on Bully with his own chain. Bully tears the ring mats up to expose the concrete floor and goes for the pile driver. Anderson counters it with a back body drop and goes for a pile driver of his own. Knux runs in to save Bully and gets thrown into the steps. Anderson rips up some more ring mats and gives Knux a pile driver on to the concrete. It kinda sucked though because Anderson fell backwards and Anderson was the only one who actually touched concrete. Anderson rips off Knux’s cut and the distraction lets Bully hit him.
Things go back in the ring and Anderson gets speared through the table in the corner. He only gets the two count though. Brooke ran to the announce table and Taz gave her a hammer. She went to give it to Bully but she threw it too hard and it over shot him. Anderson grabs the hammer and hits Bully with it for the win. Aces and Eights is done. Anderson rips off Bully Ray’s cut and sends the guys on the stage to take Taz’s cut from him. Taz obliges, with much protest, and Anderson gets handed the cut. He poses with the cuts as the show goes off the air.
This was a pretty damn good show. Before the show officially went off the air they showed a preview for next week, including a funeral for Aces and Eights. Looking forward to that. I do have a hard time believing this gang of bikers who don’t listen to authority would actually disband just because a guy lost a match, but eh. I enjoyed it.
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