TNA Impact 26/09/2013By Noyce · · Leave a Comment
Same as before; tired, eating lunch, yadda yadda. Reading out the reviews on the air makes me realise how much unnecessary stuff I put in them. Still leranin folks, bear with me.
Show starts with Sting and Dixie backstage. Sting asks why Dixie is doing what she is and Dixie acts uninterested. Sting says she’s not the Dixie he knows and Dixie tells Sting not to worry about her as she has this.
Bully Ray comes out to the ring and says Dixie shocked him with how she put AJ in his place. He doesn’t need to worry about how he’s going to beat AJ because Dixie is inside AJ’s head and AJ needs to kiss the ground Dixie walks on. He agrees Dixie made AJ phenomenal because if it wasn’t for her, he’d never have a chance to perform. He asks if the audience knows who he is and the Aces and Eights music goes off as the JOB Squad walk out.
Knux says Bully is supposed to be the president of Aces and Eights but once again he’s taking care of his personal business. He worries more about his ho than he does his bros. Bully tells Knux to not call her a hoe which of course earns a giant “ho” chant. Knux and the Aces of Funk are going to take care of club business without Bully. Bully runs them down and threatens them. He actually refers to them as his lackeys too. If they lose the match then he’s going to take one of them out.
Backstage segment with Joseph Park shaving. EY stops him before he can cut himself. If he cuts himself he turns into a monster and he doesn’t want Park to rampage on the audience. Park is now not allowed to shave on the night of a match. ODB stops EY from shaving because momma likes the beard.
Bromanz and Gail Kim vs Eric Young, Joseph Park and ODB
ODB and Gail Kim start things out but Gail tags out instantly and we end up with Park and Robbie E. Robbie E fails to knock Park down or pick him up. Jessie managed to get some offense in and so did Robbie E after Park was a little softened up. I really wish I could fast forward this shit. Kim ends up in the ring and attacks Park. Women can hit men but not the other way around. Surely that’s a DQ? If Park had hit her back I’m sure it would be a DQ, and a felony.
EY and Park double team one of the Bromanz and ODB comes in and hits a splash for the win. Now let me tell you why that’s bullshit. In an intergender tag match the men and the women don’t fight and can’t. As soon as ODB became legal, so did Gail Kim. This match was mostly to set up Gail and ODB for the title, so it’s not like I cared, but TNA should care.
Aries is backstage and says he’s going to tell the world what he plans to do now.
Hogan is backstage too and says he’s here to fix everything.
Aries comes out in a generic Impact shirt. You’d think a guy like him would have his own shirt. He brings up headlining last years BFG and says he’s always the main event. He’s interrupted by Kenny King. Tenay sums up how much this matters by saying “oh, Kenny King’s back” in as uninterested a voice as possible. What Aries is saying is getting on King’s nerves. King says Aries wasn’t making headlines last year, King himself was. He runs off some stupid headlines, and calls Chris Sabin “Frail Sabin”. The point of this is that Aries dressed up as Manik and stole his title. I wonder what took him so long to come out and sort this out. Ten years ago Aries was part of Generation Next but King is the Next Generation. Aries says king isn’t the Pretty Boy Pitbull but rather the pretty boy who’s the pits and is full of bull. Rolls right off the tongue. Aries challenges King to a fight and King says he’s not going to fight him today before hitting the cheap shot. Shit goes down, Aries stands tall and calls for a ref. A ref comes out and pushes King towards the ring and we got ourselves a match. They go to commercial as Aries is beating King down.
Kenny King vs Austin Aries
We get back from break and Tenay is hyping up what happened during the break. Maybe you guys coulda waited until after the break to have a cool beatdown. King is bleeding right from the start after this epic commercial break beatdown. King covered in blood was a pretty cool visual at least. King goes nuts and beats the crap out of Aries. Aries turns it around and hits the Pendulum Elbow but fails to hit the Brainbuster. Aries ducks a dropkick, hits one of his own and lands the Brainbuster for the win. I did like this match, other than them not showing a large majority of it. There weren’t even any replays of what happened during the break. I forgot Kenny King existed but this match certainly told me who he was, even if he lost.
A promo airs for the debut of Lei’D Tapa. You may remember her from Gut Check. I didn’t, and had to look her up.
Backstage with Aries and Frail Sabin. Sabin puts himself over again and says how good it is Aries is back in the X-Division. Sabin says his title win was more memorable and Aries rips into him about how he laid on his back for fifteen minutes. Sabin calls himself greater than the greatest man who ever lived and Aries says they’re going to test that theory. Guess we have Sabin and Aries even though we just saw Aries start a feud with Kenny King.
Backstage with the Main Event Mafia. Magnus is angry and runs down what EGO have been up to. Joe tells him that EGO will get theirs but right now they need to focus on Aces and Eights. Magnus threatens to find EGO and take them out but Sting tells him to listen to Joe. He shouldn’t let people get to his head so easy, he’s better than that.
Hogan comes out to the ring. He finally made it to a taping? Given how he’s not been appearing because they don’t want to spend so much money on him, I see no reason at all for them to renew his contract unless they don’t pay him a flat fee and keep it permanently on an appearance basis. Like they do most of their talent. Hogan hits a cheap pop and says some shit about his power level, which is over 9000 brother. He’s been in TNA for four years now and has been GM for nearly two years and is in charge of making sure the show runs smoothly. So now we know who to blame for Impact being bad. No wait, we already blamed Hogan for that anyway. He says that he’s seen things go down backstage but you shouldn’t be airing your dirty laundry in the ring. He gets the fans to cheer for AJ. Twice for some reason. I thought the first pop was big enough. He tells AJ he wants him to hear the love and respect the fans have for him. I actually heard some boos in there. Hogan says he’s going to fix stuff between AJ and Dixie and heads to the back.
There’s a video package about the return of Kurt Angle for his induction into the TNA hall of fame. I think it might have been voice by Kurt Angle too.
Some dude called Ethan is coming. Wonder if he’s an MMA fighter.
AJ is asked to comment on what Hogan said and says he has no problem hearing Hogan out.
Frail Sabin vs Manik
Manik tries to fight his way past the ref and attack Sabin before the match starts. Sabin falls to the mat, teasing a knee injury. Sabin throws Velvet at Manik and hits a cheap shot. Sabin takes control of the match until Manik counters a superplex attempt and kicks Sabin’s head off. Manik goes for a submission but Sabin makes it to Velvet who was stood next to the ring. He grabs hold of her hand and Manik pulls her into the ring as he drags Sabin back to the centre. Sabin uses her as a human shield and Manik reverses a sneaky rollup attempt for the win. After the match Sabin attacks Manik. Aries comes out for the save, so I guess we’re getting Manik and Aries against Sabin and King.
Backstage with Aces and Eights. They pump eachother up and have a love in. Knux says they can’t afford to lose another member and Bischoff corrects him, saying they can’t afford to lose another brother.
EGO are backstage. They can’t believe Kurt is going in the hall of fame when all three of them have done more for TNA in a month and a half than Angle has his entire time there. Daniels runs down the Mafia and Kaz says that Magnus is a loser, but he’s a really really good one. He’s like, the best at losing. It would suck if he lost again. Kaz says it might even damage his…EGO. Kaz and Daniels do a maniacal laugh and I cream in my pants.
Aces and Eights vs Main Event Mafia
Magnus starts things off beating the crap out of Knux and there’s a huge “We want Sting” chant. I like Sting but screw you TNA crowd, I want Magnus. Knux tags in Brisco, who gets murdered by Magnus. Briscos corpse tags in Bischoff…who gets murdered by Magnus. Aces and Eights break up the pin and a brawl starts. EGO run out and attack Magnus before bailing as Sting and Joe go after them. Back in the ring Aces and Eights take out Sting as we go to break.
Back from break and Sting is still getting shredraped. Magnus isn’t on the apron so he’s been taken out of the match. Sting mounts a comeback at last and manages to tag in Joe who lays waste to all three members of Aces and Eights. Bischoff breaks up the pin and Sting takes out Bischoff and Knux with a double Splash. Joe locks a submission on Brisco, who taps out. Aces and Eights continue to die. Brisco is left in the ring and Bully Ray comes out.
He reminds Brisco that it would be lights out for whoever lost. He calls Brisco a disgrace and demands he hand over his cut. Knux and Bischoff get in the ring as Brisco refuses to hand over his cut. Bully tells Knux and Bischoff to get Brisco’s cut off. They don’t move and so Bully knocks Brisco down physically and tears Knux and Bischoff apart verbally. Bully hits Brisco with a piledriver and some idiot hits the music too early. Bully calls for the music to be shut off and tells Bischoff and Knux to take Brisco’s cut off or he’ll hit him with another piledriver. Bully calls for Knux to hand over the cut as a sign of dominance. Knux hands over the cut and the camera cuts as Bischoff and Knux pick up Brisco.
There’s a commercial break and when we come back Hogan is back in the ring and calls out AJ. Hogan has a contract for AJ and says he can’t have a TNA champion that isn’t under contract. He hands AJ the contract. AJ goes to speak and Hogan interrupts him before he can, saying that everyone has faith AJ can bring the title home and that they all love him. AJ signs the contract and says “I’m yours”. Dixie comes out and says that she brought in Hogan to open doors for the company and he’s done that. She appreciates what Hogan has done and is thankful for what he’s done for the company, but he’s just an employee. Hogan is capable of so much more than that and Dixie is there to help make that happen. She doesn’t feel the same about AJ.
AJ’s reality is staring him in the face. While Hogan sees something in AJ, she does not. Dixie takes the contract AJ signed and tears it up. AJ says she’s making mistake after mistake again and she just made the biggest mistake of her life. Dixie tells AJ to get out of her ring. AJ does as he’s told and walks out.
Hogan asks her if she gets it and she does. The fans aren’t happy with her and Hogan must not be either. They just don’t understand, and there’s no way they could. 99% of the people in the world have never lived in her world and never will. The fans need her and goes all Occupy Wall Street on their asses. The 1% make the world they live in. I tuned out. I seriously tuned out. Fuck this shit. I came back in time to hear Dixie say that she didn’t have a problem with Hogan doing what he did, but he should have run it past her first. Hogan has a choice to make, he can either get in line or not. He has a week to think about it and Dixie knows he’s going to make the right decision. We go off the air with Hogan looking confused.
My thoughts? This was a very, very, very packed edition of Impact. A little too packed really. So much happened it was hard to keep track of it all and by the time the end came around I was tuning out. My brain just couldn’t take it anymore. Which is a shame because as with most wrestling shows, or at least with Impact, the final segment was the one that was really the most important.
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