Home ▸ Impact ▸ TNA Impact 3/7/2014; FREEDOM EDITION MURRICA

FREEEEEDOOOOOM. Yes I know that’s from a line about Scottish independence, but it fits all independence.

The show starts with Angle walking down to the ring. It’s Kurt Angle’s Red White And Blue Throwdown or something. Kurt brings Earl Hebner out and reinstates him as a ref, and calls him the best ref who ever lived. BEST IN THE WORLD. Angle pulls out the script to let us know what matches are going on. They sound like decent matches. Angle tells the crowd to enjoy themselves, and goes to leave when Samoa Joe walks out. He’s not booked tonight and I guess that has something to do with it. Plus all the bad blood of course.

This is about as American as it gets.

Joe congratulates Kurt mockingly and says him saving everyone is bullshit. He says that Angle is no different from MVP, and that he covets the title. He asks Kurt how long he’ll book himself in a title match, and Angle says he’s dealt with the same problems Joe has. Joe denies it, and compares how they made it into the business. Angle was bought, and Joe fought. Angle says that Joe kicks everyone’s ass, and then comes in half assed, which is something he never did. He says the ring is sacred and asks if Joe feels the same. Joe gets in his face and says he helped rebuild professional wrasslin while Angle flew around the world. Joe says he IS pro wrestling and gets in Angle’s face. Angle says that’s the Joe he, and everyone, wants to see. Joe tells him to be careful what he wishes for and walks off.

MVP is backstage. He meets Roode and challenges him to a fight. Roode goes to punch the cripple and gets jumped by Kenny King, who kicks his ass. MVP joins in by choking him with his crutch. Post break Roode is in the trainer room. Angle meets him and Roode tells him to not apologise. If anything, he owes Angle. Angle says he respects him and asks if Roode needs to go to the hospital. Roode says he doesn’t and asks for a match with MVP. Angle offers to find King and MVP and they walk off.

This is the memo Rebel and Brittany got.

The Wolves vs Bromans vs The Freak and Knux
They should have caled The Wolves the American Wolves for their ‘MURRICAN edition. The Menagerie clear the ring to start the match. The Freak grabs one Wolf, doesn’t let go after being kicked by the other, and suplexes both of them in the end. Davey Richards clears the ring and The Wolves double team Jessie to get the win.

They cut to the back where Roode is confronting MVP. Guess we’re getting a promo heavy episode. Great. Nothing says “wrestling program” like no wrestling. Angle tells them to fight only outside the ring and tries to set up a match with MVP. MVP can’t wrestle because he has a doctor’s note. King gets in Roode’s face and Angle sets up a street fight between the pair.

Comes in all shapes and sizes

Bobby Roode vs Kenny King in a Street Fight
Roode cuts a quick prematch promo and calls out King. King comes out with MVP in tow and says that they’ve injured his shoulder, now they’re going to break his neck. Angle comes out and tells MVP to fuck off and keep it 1 on 1. Roode jumps King and the match gets underway. They quickly end up in the stands. Roode sends King over one of the stands and on to the floor below. Thankfully the fall was only about the height of Kenny King. They fight their way down to the ring with Roode backdropping King over the barricade. Roode gets thrown in the ring and the bell rings, meaning that the match didn’t officially start. King goes for cover after cover but doesn’t get anythings. Things actually get pretty tame here with not as much violent brawling. Roode bombs King onto a chair for the win.

EC3 is backstage and asked about his table match. He asks how many times Bully has to lose and says he will never be put through a table because he’s the Hardcore American Icon. Roode is also backstage. He cuts a promo thanking Angle for the match he just had. King was the first, MVP is next, and the final step is Lashley and the championship.

Deal with it

Also lurking backstage is Austin Aries. He meets Angle and asks Angle for help. MVP never gave him a rematch for the X Division title and asks Angle for it. Angle says Aries wants to win the title and cash it in again, and says that he can have his title match next week. Aries accepts and walks off, and Angle says they need to have a match together to settle who is the best.

Brittany is in the ring wearing less red white and blue you find on an American flag. She calls out Madison Rayne for a chat. God dammit it TNA don’t go back to this shit. Rayne says they can have a match if Brittany wants, but she doesn’t. She wants to tell Madison that she was right. She was naive and thought there wouldn’t be consequences, and Rayne tried to warn her but she didn’t listen. Brittany says she looked up to Madison, and says sorry again. She’s learned a very important lesson. Rayne says she’ll be there for Brittany if she has learned something, and if she’s really sorry. They hug it out and Brittany says the real lesson she learned is to never meet your hero and beats the crap out of Madison.

This is how it really happened.

Bully Ray walks down the stairs and cuts a promo on EC3. You have to be tough to be lucky, and EC3 is definitely tough, but he’s more lucky than tough. Without Spud and Dixie he’s going to die, and he swears he WILL put Dixie through a table. EC3 is going through one first though.

MVP is backstage with (Bobby) Lashley. He predicts Lashley will be the most dominant champ. It doesn’t make sense that Kurt is throwing the Gazelle to the Lion, and says that Kurt is responsible for whatever happens to EY. “If he dies, he dies” I guess.

Bully Ray vs EC3 in a Tables Match
Bully just absolutely dominates Ethan for the beginning of the match. Bully finally grabs a table and sets it up in the ring, so of course it was prime time for EC3 to make his comeback. Ethan tries to do the 10 corner punches but Bully fights out. He was about to Bully Bomb Ethan through the table when Spud of Hearts makes the run in and stops it. They keep Bully down until House of Hardcore leaks over and Rhyno of all people runs in for the save. He teases goring Spud but turns around and gives it to Bully Ray instead. Ethan grabs Bully by the throat and Bully practically jumps through the table in a moment for Botchomania. The replay made it look worse.

Bobby Roode and EY are broing it up backstage. Bobby says it’s EY’s night, but EY isn’t feeling it. He feels he doesn’t stand a chance, the facts are against him. Roode asks him what the facts on EY are, and EY pumps himself up. Now he feels he can win. Roode says he wants to be in EY’s corner, and EY agrees.

Roman Reigns is backstage. No wait that’s Rhyno. He says he owes no explanations to anyone.

There’s a Sam Shaw recap of everything that happened to him. He’s backstage with Gunner. Yeah…I don’t think that would happen. He says it feels weird to be back, and Gunner says they need to build some trust up. He needs to apologise to Christie but before he can, they run into Mr Anderson who doesn’t want to give him a chance. Gunner tells Anderson to lay off of him and tells him to never leave a man behind. Anderson wants him to talk to a friend, and they meet Christie Hemme. She freaks out a little, but ultimately relents. Samual tries to explain himself, and wants Christie to forgive him, and he apologises. He walks off before Christie can reply and Gunner follows him out.

Bryan “Stiff” Stiffler is with the Beautiful People. It turns into an amateur porno I refuse to watch.

Angle meets Stiffler backstage and tells him he’s not reffing the match and Bryan Hebner is instead. Knux is also backstage with the Menagerie. They need to focus on wrestling and not being circus freaks. They need ot start winning and making money. Just make calenders of Rebel. She has experience.

Freedom protects.

Gail Kim vs Mangelina Love for the Knockouts title
Love tries to flirt with Hebner but he has none of it. Velvet cheap shots Gail by throwing her into the corner on the outside but Gail kicks out at two. After more interference by Velvet she’s finally kicked out by Hebner. Gail really gets into the match and takes control but Love kicks her off the corner to the outside. Gail hits the Eat De-Feet and becomes the new Knockouts champion. It was a pretty damn good match overall.

Angle is backstage and says he’s pretty excited for the future, and says next week every title is on the line except the WHC, and there’s going to be a 20 man Battle Royale to determine the new number 1 contender for the WHC.

Eric Young vs Bobby Lashley for the WHC
MVP and Roode commit minor interference and BOTH are kicked out by Hebner. EY tries to use his speed but gets crushed by power. He gets some offense in but it doesn’t keep Lashley down for long. EY lands rough on the outside and teases an ankle injury. Lashley cares not for his pain and focuses on the injury. EY manages to hit the top rope elbow but Lashley kicks out. He goes for a Pile Driver but his leg is too injured. Lashley drops him with a Powerslam and Spears him for the win. Lashley retains and poses around to end the show.

Too much out of the ring stuff, but the in ring stuff was good. 6/10. You were doing so well TNA.

HAHA I’M JUST KIDDING I’M BRITISH AND THIS IS AMERICA

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