Tonight in the iMPACT Zone, Beer Money Inc and Jaqueline team up against LAX and Hector Guerrero, the losing team loses their manager. Also, TNA World Champion Samoa Joe takes on X-Division Champion Shiek Abdul Bashir, AJ Styles takes on Booker T, and Abyss & Matt Morgan team up to face The Rock N’ Rave Infection. All this, and Awesome Kong in action!
Full results after the jump!
The King of the Mountain himself, Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring to start off the show. He says that as the founder of TNA, it gives him great pleasure to announce that the company has signed one of the greatest and most unique performers of all time. The crowd chants “Foley.” Jarrett says it’s the greatest aquisition in the history of TNA, and he’ll be here next week, live in the iMPACT Zone. His name is Mick Foley. We’re then shown an extremely short video of Mick Foley. As Jarrett goes to speak again, Kurt Angle’s music hits, and the Olympic gold medalist makes his way to the ring to confront the man who hired him. He disagrees about Mick being TNA’s greatest aquisition. Kurt tells him what’s been going on in TNA over the last two years. Jarrett left, Angle came in and carried the company on his back. He turned this outhouse into a penthouse. Mick Foley? Yesterday’s news, just like Jarrett. Jarrett says that he was going to let bygons be bygons. He publicly apologizes for the things he said last week. Things haven’t been going according to plan, and he doesn’t just mean Kurt and Sting. He wants to talk about AJ Styles, who beat Kurt for his gold medals two weeks in a row. Jarrett says he got the medal back from AJ and he’s going to give it back to Kurt, because nothing will ever hide the fact that he served our country proud and became a gold medalist in 1996. Kurt asks if he’s got it right, that Jeff is going to just give him back his gold medal. Jarrett nods. Angle says that’s swell, thank you. “Now get the hell out of my ring!” Jarrett turns to leave, and Angle says “Don’t go anywhere, I’m not done talking to you!” He says he doesn’t need Jarrett coming out here and kissing his ass. He tells Jarrett not to walk away like a scared little bitch. Jeff’s like his old man, a washed up failure. Fine Jeff, keep going. Tell your daughters that their daddy is a quitter. This finally gets Jarrett’s attention. He comes back to the ring and tells Angle that he’s a fighter. He’s no quitter, he’s survived every battle he’s ever faced. If Angle wants him at Bound For Glory, he’s got his wish. He reiterates what he said last week: Angle doesn’t want any part of the pain that Jarrett’s been through over the last two years.
Matt Morgan & Abyss def. The Rock N’ Rave Infection
The Infection barely stood a chance. Morgan and Abyss are much bigger than they are, and Rock and Rave’s offensive attempts barely had any effect on them. Abyss dropped Rave in the Shock Treatment before tagging in Morgan who hits the Hellevator for the victory.
After the match, Team 3D come out and give Morgan and Abyss a history lesson: Team 3D are 9 time WWE Tag Team Champions, 1 time WCW Tag Team Champions, 8 time ECW Tag Team Champions, All Japan Tag Team Champions, and undefeated in Japan, 1 time TNA Tag Team Champions, which adds up to 20 times that they’ve been Tag Team Champions. Nobody’s accomplished more than they have. At Bound For Glory in Chicago, it’s going to be Team 3D vs. Morgan & Abyss and any other tag team who wants to get involved, in a little match called… THE MONSTERS BALL! Morgan says to bring it, but Abyss freaks out and cowers in the corner.
TNA Rough Cut: Women’s hardcore wrestling.
Still to come: AJ Styles vs. Booker T, but up next it’s Awesome Kong!
TO THE BACK! Lauren is with Team 3D and Jaqueline. If Beer Money loses tonight, they lose Jaqueline as their manager. Storm reminds us that Jaqueline started 25 years ago along with Jeff Jarrett. He says they could have had any female for a manager but they chose Jaqueline because she’s tough. Storm says that they’re not going to let LAX cost them their manager. He says “we ain’t losing on my watch, that’s for damned sure.”
Awesome Kong def. Mercedes Steele
Hooray, another squash with a story! The story here is that Raisha Saeed doesn’t come out with Kong. She comes out half way through the match as Kong is dominating Steele. Kong drops Steele with the Awesome Bomb for the victory.
After the match, Saeed slides a chair in the ring and instructs Kong to hit Steele with the Awesome Bomb onto the chair. As Kong goes for it, Saeed cracks Kong across the back with another chair, then hits her over the head with it. Kong looks shocked, and the shock turns to fear when Saeed takes her mask off to reveal Roxxi, who pounds away on the former Knockout Champion. As Kong escapes amidst a mass of security, Saeed comes out from the back all tied up.
Karen’s Angle with Christian Cage. Cage hasn’t picked a side yet in the battle for respect in TNA, and won’t give Karen an answer. Which is good, because I won’t watch Karen’s segment.
We’re reminded that Jarrett vs. Angle is confirmed for Bound For Glory, and that Mick Foley will be live in the iMPACT Zone next week.
TO THE BACK! Lauren is with LAX. Hector Guerrero says that LAX is his familia and that he’s a Guerrero, which means warrior. He’s not going to let his amigos down. Blood is thicker than water in the streets, and the ring is going to be the same thing tonight. That’s really what he said. Seriously.
TO THE BACK! JB is with Booker T and Sharmell. Booker talks in his ridiculous accent and says that one thing never changes in the kingdom where he comes from in Africa – The King and Queen. What does the AJ in AJ Styles stand for? Who cares! Booker T’s done more for TNA in his first six minutes in TNA than AJ did in his entire six years. AJ should go back to his small town and stay there. AJ thinks he has allies, but he should keep his enemies close and his friends closer. JB asks what’s in the briefcase. Sharmell slaps his hand and Booker T dismisses him.
Beer Money Inc. & Jaqueline def. LAX & Hector Guerrero
Finally, a non squash match. Storm is wearing a football helmet with beer bottles attatched to it when he comes to the ring. Storm and Homicide start things out, and it goes back and forth. When Roode gets tagged in, Homicide takes control and tags in Guerrero, who takes over on the Tag Team Champions. He hits the Three Amigos on Roode as the fans chant “Eddie, Eddie.” Guerrero tags Homicide back in as Jaqueline attacks him from behind. Guerrero chases her out of the iMPACT Zone as we go to a…
We come back to Storm and Homicide in the ring. During the break, Beer Money took control over the match through underhanded tactics. Homicide creates some separation, and gets the tag to Hernandez as Storm tags Roode. Hernandez dominates until the champions start double teaming him. He manages to fight them both off. Homicide gets involved, and he causes Roode and Storm to take each other down. Hernandez goes to Border Toss Homicide out onto Beer Money, but Jaqueline, fleeing from Hector Guerrero, crashes right into him. The three members of LAX surround her in the ring. Beer Money get back in and attack Homicide, taking him out of the ring. Hernandez takes control over Roode again and hits the SuperMex on both members of Beer Money. Back in the ring, Homicide drops Roode with the Gringo Cutta, but Jaqueline distracts referee Slick Johnson, allowing Roode to crack Hernandez over the head with Storm’s football helmet, knocking him out and allowing Roode to pin him.
After the match, Jaqueline cheers with Beer Money while an emotional Hector Guerrero checks on an unconscious Hernandez, knowing he’s no longer allowed to be affiliated with the group.
Sting is up next!
Lauren is in Sonjay Dutt’s bedroom, where Sonjay’s been with Val for the past ten days as some sort of ritual. Val says Jay Lethal is a grown up and needs to figure things out for himself. It’s a really stupid segment, I’ll spare you the details.
Sting makes his way out to the iMPACT Zone. He says that he respects Jeff Jarrett, and that’s why he stood around and listened to what Jarret had to say to him last week. Jeff may have people fooled around here, but he doesn’t have Sting fooled. Jarrett left out some detail. It was him who called Sting and asked him to come out of retirement in TNA. Jarrett told him that Spike said they’d pick up TNA if Sting came back. Sting got a phone call around the same time from Vince McMahon. Sting chose TNA and Vince McMahon told him that he was giving up the chance to make millions of dollars, so that should prove that he’s not about the money. If he was, he’d be in WWE. He loves the TNA brand and that’s why he’s here. So what, Jarrett doesn’t need Sting anymore? We’ll have to agree to disagree, because Sting’s got other things to worry about, like his title shot at BFG. Now it’s time for a little slideshow. Sting’s got some pictures to show us:
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard: Taught Sting to have eyes in the back of his head.
Dusty Rhodes: Taught Sting how to involve the fans and to never judge a book by it’s cover.
Hulk Hogan: Trancended wrestling, the greatest of all time no matter what some of those idiots in the back say.
Ric Flair: Took Sting and made his career 20 years ago because he knew Sting had respect. He taught Sting how to be a Champion.
Samoa Joe: Has no idea how to be a World Champion and needs to learn respect.
Sting: The guy who’s going to get the job done at Bound For Glory.
TO THE BACK! Lauren is with Abyss and Matt Morgan. Abyss says his therapist won’t like him being in a Monster’s Ball match. Morgan reminds him that last week he told him that he is his therapist. Abyss asks if Morgan talked to his therapist. Morgan says he did and that his therapist said that for him to overcome his fears, he’ll have to face them. Morgan says he used to be scared of flying, so he went out and became a pilot. Abyss asks him where his wings are. Morgan says it’s not important. He used to be afraid of bears, so he went and beat up a 1000 pound bear with his bare hands. Basically what he’s getting at is to face his fear. Abyss asks if he’s going to be ok. Morgan says he promises that they’re both going to be just fine.
We get a rundown of the Bound For Glory card.
We get a video package on the Steel Asylum.
TO THE BACK! JB asks Joe why he didn’t attack Sting tonight. Joe says he realizes he was wrong and sends an apology to Kevin Nash. He says that a lion is calm and collected before striking, leaving his prey unsuspecting. This match isn’t about respect, it’s about fear. Fear of being rendered obsolete and fear of a man like Joe taking a spot from a man like Sting. Joe’s done talking. He’ll do his talking in the ring at Bound For Glory. Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed come in and tell Joe they appreciate everything they’re doing for him and they’ll be there if he ever needs them. Joe says things are getting interesting.
We get a Suicide vignette when we come back.
Sheik Abdul Bashir def. Samoa Joe by Disqualification
Joe destroys Bashir here. He picks up the win with the muscle buster, but then takes the microphone and says that he’s got Sting’s respect, right here. He locks in the Coquina Clutch on Bashir, causing the referee to reverse his decision, giving the victory to the X-Division Champion.
TO THE BACK! JB is with AJ. AJ says he’s proud of his small town, so let’s get past the BS and Booker T’s ridiculous accent. He says that Booker won’t be driving a wedge between him and Christian Cage. The only wedge that’ll be driven is AJ’s foot in Booker’s… well… he’ll see Booker in the ring.
Booker T def. AJ Styles
Christian Cage comes to ringside at the strat of the match. Booker takes the early advantage, but Styles battles back. AJ is in control and gets a two count on Book as we go to a…
Booker is in control when we come back. He gets AJ in the corner and hits a series of knife-edge chops. Booker keeps control with a variety of submission holds. AJ starts to battle back, hitting some high impact moves including the Pele, getting a two count. The two men collide at one point, which sends Styles reeling and into referee Earl Hebner. Sharmell comes in and tries to crack AJ over the back with the mysterious briefcase, but Cage takes it from her. Booker shoves AJ into Christian, then hits AJ with the briefcase himself for the victory.
After the match, AJ and Christian argue as AJ doesn’t realize that Cage was trying to help him.
Blah. Only five matches, and three of them were glorified squash matches. You’ll have to do better than that, TNA. I think the video game might have been better than this episode of the TV show.
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