TNA iMPACT (not the videogame) 9/11/08By thinksojoe · · Leave a Comment
Last week on iMPACT, Sting called out Jeff Jarrett. Will the King of the Mountain return to the iMPACT Zone? Also, who will win the first ever Beautiful People Beauty Pageant as Angelina Love takes on TNA Knockout Champion Taylor Wilde?
Results and analysis, after the jump!
Samoa Joe calls out Sting to open the show. He says we’re days away from No Surrender, and Joe doesn’t care that everybody is gunning for his belt. Joe’s not leaving unless he gets Sting’s head on a silver platter. This brings out Kevin Nash, who says that he does care. He spent six months investing in Joe… Joe cuts him off, saying that after Sting, Nash is next. Nash says Joe’s right. Nash told him not to lose his temper, and then Nash went and lost his temper and it cost him his match with Kurt Angle. Nash says there’s no doubt that Joe is the World Champion, but while he’s looking for Sting, he’s got three guys coming for his belt. Joe’s right, don’t follow Nash. Nash says he’ll set something up for Joe, to prove that Joe’s not ready for No Surrender. If he beats three guys Nash has lined up for him tonight, he’ll know Joe’s ready. Joe said he’ll defend his title with his life. To prove to Nash and everybody that Joe keeps his promises, but after he gets through with Nash’s three guys, Joe’s coming for Sting.
TO THE BACK! Lauren is with The Beautiful People and Kyp James. She calls tonight’s beauty pageant “bogus.” This offends Angelina Love who says beauty is everything. It’s not about family, friends, or money. At No Surrender, Angelina will take the Knockouts Championship, but tonight she’s going to humiliate Taylor Wilde. Lauren tells us that Abyss’ open challenge is next, and Christian Cage checks her out as he walks by.
Abyss makes his way to the ring for competition, he’s issued another open challenge. Who will accept? I bet it’s Johnny Devine again…
Nope, it’s Christian Cage!
Apparently, the video game was pretty successful. I’ll tell you something, I didn’t like it at first, but now that I’ve played for a while, it’s actually kind of fun.
Abyss vs. Christian Cage
Cage uses a stick and move technique to keep himself from getting destroyed early. When Abyss finally catches him, it goes downhill for the Instant Classic. As the fans chant his name, Captain Charisma tries to make a comeback, but it doesn’t work out too well. Not at first, at least, as Abyss took too much time to charge the corner and Cage moved out of the way. Christian goes back to the stick and move offense. Cage takes Abyss down and goes for a Frog Splash, but Abyss catches him by the thoat. Cage escapes the chokeslam and goes for the unprettier, which is reversed. Abyss finally hits the chokeslam, but to his surprise, he only got two. Abyss picks Cage up, but Cage slips away and hits the Unprettier. He goes for the cover, but he’s attacked by Kurt Angle and Booker T to end the match.
After the match, Angle and Booker attack Cage. Angle hands Abyss a chair, and holds Cage with Booker T. Abyss throws the chair down and punches Angle in the face before attacking Booker T. Angle and Booker come back and attack Abyss, but he’s saved by The Blueprint, Matt Morgan. Morgan says that Angle and his boyfriend are real tough. They jump his partner 2 on 1? How about Booker T and Kurt Angle take on Abyss and Morgan, tonight?!? Angle says “it’s on!”
JB explains that evening gown competition, talent competition, and bikini competition are the three stages of the Beautiful People Beauty Contest. The judges are: Super Eric, Shark Boy, and Curry Man! The contestants are Angelina Love and TNA Knockout Champion Taylor Wilde. Angelina is wearing a black gown with white accents, and Taylor is wearing an all white gown. I cannot believe I just had to type that last sentence. The judges give the Evening Gown competition the following rulings: Curry Man votes for Angelina Love, Shark Boy votes for Taylor Wilde, and Super Eric votes for Taylor Wilde, meaning Taylor Wilde wins the Evening Gown competition. Still to come, the talent competition and the bikini contest.
Lauren is backstage with Sonjay Dutt, who says that he doesn’t care he ruined Jay’s wedding, because he wants Val. He’s going to win at any cost at No Surrender in their ladder of love match.
Karen’s Angle. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (basically, Sting wants respect for the whole business or somethingorother. You don’t treat the veterans the way the young guys do, blah blah blah. No offense to Sting here, I just don’t care about these Karen’s Angle segments. Karen has two words for Sting. Jeff Jarrett. Sting doesn’t know where Jarrett stands, but he’s on the edge of his seat.)
We get a rundown of the No Surrender card.
AJ Styles calls out Frank Trigg. He says that Trigg should be getting the piss beaten out of him right now by AJ Styles.
Frank Trigg waited through the whole commercial break to decide to come to the ring. He just happened to be coming out to the iMPACT Zone when we come back. Frank says that he couldn’t understand AJ’s hick talk. He heard AJ is a pretty good amateur wrestler. Frank’s an MMA fighter, his job is to hurt people on purpose. If they’re going to fight at No Surrender, it’s three five minute rounds, winner walks out only by getting a submission. AJ says he’s got a deal. AJ says that Frank couldn’t understand him? He speaks his language. AJ slaps Trigg in the face, and a brawl breaks out but was quickly broken up by security.
To the back! Lauren is with Christian Cage. He babbles about “fight or flight.” Cage always fights. It’s going to take a lot to keep him from No Surrender. It’s not just any PPV, it’s 1 hour away from where Christian grew up and learned to be a wrestler. In three seconds, The Instant Classic becomes World Heavyweight Champion. If you don’t know, now you know.
Backfrom break, it’s the Bikini Competition in the Beautiful People Beauty Pageant. Taylor Wilde starts off, wearing a red and white striped top with a blue bottom (no stars though). Angelina exits the ring, and walks over to the judges table and pulls Curry Man and Shark Boy up from their seats as she takes off her robe. She’s wearing a white bikini with a blue and black pattern on it. Again, I can’t believe I just had to type that. The judges vote as follows: Super Eric votes for Taylor Wilde, Curry Man votes for Angelina Love. Shark Boy votes for Angelina Love, which means that Angelina Love wins the bikini portion of the Beauty Pageant. JB reminds us we’ve still got the talent portion left to go.
Awesome Kong video package.
Awesome Kong def. Roxxi in a Bimbo Brawl
King dominates this match early. Roxxi can’t even get a defensive move in she’s being beaten down so badly. She finally manages to start a comeback, jumping up on the steel steps when Kong tried to whip her into them, then slamming Kong face first into them as we head off to commercial land. We come back with both Knockouts standing in the ring. Roxxi has a garbage can lid, and Kong’s got a steel rod. Roxxi gets the better of the exchange, and takes Kong down. Roxxi then brings in a chair and proceeds to slam Kong off of it ever which way. Kong gets up and clotheslines Roxxi down. She folds up the chair and slams Roxxi on top of it. Roxxi moves out of the way of a second rope splash, sending Kong crashing into the chair for a two count. She argues with the referee, and Kong cracks her over the head with the chair, busting her wide open before hitting an Awesome Bomb for the win.
Kong wipes the blood off of Roxxi’s head and licks it. She picks her back up as Saeed sets up two chairs. ODB comes to the rescue, and Kong uses referee Slick Johnson as a shield to avoid the wrath of ODB. The referee argues with ODB about it, and ODB drops him with the chair.
Samoa Joe is in action, NEXT!
JB introduces Kevin Nash’s Triple Challenge for Samoa Joe. The first challenger is already in the ring. He is Johnny Devine. Joe storms his way to the ring, and I think it’s time for Devine to die…
Gauntlet match #1: Samoa Joe def. Johnny Devine
Devine attacks from behind, but quickly finds himself dropped with a Muscle Buster, giving Joe the victory.
Gauntlet match #2: Samoa Joe def. Lance Rock
Rock attacks early, but Joe backs him all the way across the ring with rabbit punches. He drops Rock with a flapjack, takes out Jimmy Rave, then locks in the Kokina Clutch for the victory.
Gauntlet match #3: Samoa Joe def. Tomko
Tomko and Joe stand face to face, and they start trading right hands. Joe powers Tomko into the corner, and then finally drops him with a shoulder block. Tomko comes back and takes Joe down with a huge clothesline before locking the TNA Champion in a headlock. Joe battles out, and manages to drop Tomko with a superkick. He goes for the Muscle Buster, but Tomko fights out of it. Joe takes Tomko down again and hits a senton splash for two. A powerslam gets Joe two as well. Tomko drops Joe with a Tree Slam for a two count. Tomko was going to go for a jackknife powerbomb, but Joe battles out of it. He catches a charging Tomko with a Rock Bottom style move before hitting the Muscle Buster for the victory.
Nash throws up the Wolfpack horns at Joe, and tells him that he proved him wrong. Joe’s more than ready. Nash feels sorry for Joe’s opponents on Sunday. As far as the two of them are concerned, Nash taught Joe all he knows. He’s on his own. Nash hugs Joe and kisses him on the head before exiting the ring and heading backstage.
It’s time for the talent portion of the Beauty Pageant. Angelina love says she’ll be giving an oral presentation. Velvet Sky tells a knock knock joke with the punch line being “Orange you glad you’re not Taylor Wilde?” Love has a powem specifically for Taylor:
There once was a girl named Taylor
Who went to a school named Baylor
scored first rank
in the class of skank’
cause the whole football team nailed her.
Then they sing Row Row Row Your Boat. Seriously.
Taylor apparently plays seven instruments. Tonight she’ll be playing the drums. She does pretty good, and Curry Man dances at ringside. The judges vote as follows: Curry Man votes for Angelina Love, Shark Boy votes for Taylor Wilde, and Super Eric votes for Taylor Wilde. Taylor wins the Beautiful People Beauty Pageant! They give her a tiarra, a sash, and a whole bunch of long stem roses. Taylor slaps Kyp, and The Beautiful People attack Taylor. The Prince Justice Brotherhood can’t seem to make the save, but Rhino hits the ring and chases The Beautiful People away.
No Surrender four ways to glory video
Booker T & Kurt Angle def. Matt Morgan & Abyss
Morgan and Angle start this one out, with Morgan completely overpowering the Olympic gold medalist. He gets the tag in to Abyss, who continues the assault on Angle. Angle winds up raking the eyes of Abyss, but the advantage only lasts for a few moments before Abyss takes Angle down with a big boot. All hell breaks loose and we go to a commercial. We come back to Morgan overpowering Angle again, but Angle manages to take him down this time around, while Mike Tenay tell us that they’re going to be sending some of Matt Morgan’s DNA into space. Booker T gets the tag and starts aggressively attacking Morgan. Angle gets the tag back in, and the two opponents for Sunday’s main event are working as a well oiled machine. Morgan manages to cause some separation, and he gets the tag to Abyss. Abyss keeps going for chokeslams, but keeps having it broken up. Abyss hits a Black Hole Slam on Booker while Morgan takes out Angle on the outside. The referee gets distracted, and Team 3D crack Abyss with a chair, giving Angle and Booker T the victory!
Sting is heading into the iMPACT Zone…
Sting is in the ring, and he calls out Jeff Jarrett. Sting has no problem with Jarrett, does Jarrett have a problem with Sting? Samoa Joe, you can come cross the line too. Joe is in the rafters. Sting says Joe is disrespectful? Is he, or is Sting insecure. Is Joe a Punk, or does Sting see him as a threat. Joe says Sting can come to No Surrender, and he won’t be alone. Jeff Jarrett appears on the top of the entryway, guitar in hand.
We get a No Surrender video package to close out the show.
It was a pretty good episode of iMPACT. It provided a good buildup to this Sunday’s pay per view, and even the matches that didn’t get any TV time got mentioned enough that we know about them. I’ll see you guys tonight for SmackDown.
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