I gotta say, I loved the atmosphere on RAW last night. It hearkened back to the 90’s, where anything could, and usually would happen on the Monday night wrestling programs. Some of it may have been intentional, but the reactions of people involved at least made it seem like they weren’t. I’ll talk about that more in depth later on in the article. I’ve also figured out why the younger set love John Cena – his humor is on the same level as theirs, which is another thing I’ll discuss more in-depth as the review goes on.
That said, let’s jump right in – after the jump!
Stephanie McMahon reiterates her brother Shane’s statement from last week at the top of the show, meaning that two weeks later, we’re still not going any further with the Mr. McMahon injury storyline. She says RAW was in chaos last week, and that all the Superstars and staff need to pull together in this time of uncertainty.
The arena is dark as Michael Cole welcomes us to Friday Night SmackDown Monday Night RAW. When the lights come on, Vicki Guerrero is in the ring, screaming “Excuse me” to the fans, trying to get them to be quiet so she can talk. She’s protesting Punk’s title win last week – it wasn’t fair. She insists he bring the belt out to her. Punk comes to the ring, and tells her that he didn’t do anything that Edge hasn’t done. Vicki reminds him that the main difference is that the Superstars that Edge capitalized on to take titles from with Money in the Bank weren’t getting married. Punk says he did Vicki and Edge a favor – Vicki can find somebody else who will use her position of power to stay in the title hunt over on SmackDown. Maybe somebody like, oh, I don’t know, The Great Khali. They could honeymoon in New Dehli! Vicki gets up from her wheelchair, slaps Punk, and sits back down. Punk tells her she just bought a one way ticket back to SmackDown. As he’s wheeling her out of the ring, JBL comes down to confront him. Punk is only champion because of outside interference last week in his title defense against JBL. JBL wants his rematch, and he wants it tonight. Punk tells him he had his shot, and he lost. JBL reiterates that if it wasn’t for John Cena and Cryme Tyme, JBL would be champion.
Speaking of Cena…
John Cena comes to the ring, and shows us all why the kids love him – poop jokes. He ate some chilli and spent three hours in the restroom. JBL has been playing the blame game – we don’t do that on RAW! Cena tells JBL to listen to the Champion. JBL protests, and Cena tells him to stop pooping himself. It should be Cena vs. JBL tonight, winner goes to the Bash to face Punk. JBL agrees. Somebody else doesn’t.
Batista shows up. He congratulates Punk, but reminds him that he was the one who beat down Edge, allowing Punk to capture the title, so in theory, Batista should get the title shot. Cena says let’s make it a triple threat tonight. JBL disagrees, but Cena tells him that he’s either in, or he’s out. JBL is in. So it’s set, we have a triple thr…
Kane makes his way to the ring. He makes it short and sweet: “I want in, too.” Punk suggests we make it a fatal four way, the winner gets the title shot at the Great American Bash. All parties agree, although reluctantly in JBL’s case, and we’ve got Kane vs. Batista vs. JBL vs. John Cena for the number one contendership later tonight on RAW!
Up next, Rey Mysterio makes his in-ring debut as a RAW competitor. He takes on Santino Marella.
We get a recap of last week’s meeting between Marella and Mysterio where Marella tells Mysterio that he must be ugly because he is “not the Batman.” Sadly, Rey didn’t rock a Batman-themed mask this week. This match was pretty much to showcase Rey’s in ring abilities as Santino didn’t get much offense in. Mysterio hit the 619, then nailed a weird looking missle-style splash from the top rope to pick up the win.
Backstage, Todd Grisham is standing by with CM Punk. He wants to know, who does Punk want to face at The Great American Bash. Punk says he doesn’t want to give the standard “it doesn’t matter who I face” answer, but as he’s about to tell us who he’d like to face, a light fell down. You could hear one of the staffers call the other one an idiot as they’re picking it up off the ground. Whether or not that was intentional and will play into the McMahon storyline or not remains to be seen, but meanwhile, Snitsky is here. He tells Punk that he was drafted to RAW last year, and he didn’t get a title shot. Punk says that he’s got no problem facing him later on tonight.
John Cena is backstage with Mickie James. Mickie tells Punk that Kelly Kelly is the newest member of the RAW roster. Cena asks if Teddy Long let her out of her ECW contract – Kelly asks Cena, “we have contracts?” then laughs. Diva tag action, up next!
We come back from break and collectively reach for our mute buttons as Jillian Hall is performing her rendition of a Britney Spears song. Her tag team partner, Layla, seems uninterested. Anyways, this match mostly featured Kelly Kelly and Jillian Hall in the ring, and Kelly picked up the win for her team with a victory roll out of the corner.
JBL’s limo interrupts the diva’s victory celebration. Then the chauffer runs away. Then we go to break, with Michael Cole assuming that we’re going to get the Fatal Four Way to see who faces CM Punk for the “World Heavyweight Titer” after the break…
…except we’re not. JBL is out in his suit, trying to figure out why his limo came to the arena without him. He tries all the doors, but is unsuccessful. That’s when the door JBL usually exits opens. Out comes John Cena. He says that he’s doing JBL a favor. He tells Layfeild that his limo is not up to Louisiana standards. Luckily, Cena knows a couple guys who can get parts and fix it quick. They happen to also be sitting in the limo – it’s Cryme Tyme. Cena says that Louisiana code says that all automobiles must have a passenger side mirror. He wonders if JTG sees a passenger side mirror. JTG smashes off the mirror with a baseball bat, and tells Cena he doesn’t see one. All limos in Louisiana require ventilated windshields. Shad helps out by putting a hole in the windshield with a pipe. Cena says the tinted windows are too dark. Cryme Tyme helps out by smashing them out. Cena says that the state is going to be looking for a white limo that’s not up to code, so they’re going to give him a custom paint job for free. Cryme Tyme spraypaints “Yo Yo Yo Yo” all across the side of the limo, while Cena sprays “CTC” and “JBL IS POOPY!” on the hood and other side of the car. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried, folks. He tells JBL good luck in the fatal four way tonight.
Up next, CM Punk takes on Snitsky. On his way to the ring, the Champion stops to pose with his title on the hood of JBL’s defaced limo. This match, like Mysterio’s match earlier, was just to showcase the abilities of a new RAW Superstar. Punk defeated Snitsky with a well-sold Go To Sleep.
Shawn Michaels comes out to address Chris Jericho. After everything that Jericho put HBK through, Shawn just has two words for him. The crowd thinks those words are “suck it,” but they’re wrong. HBK’s words for Y2J are “I accept.”
SAVE_ME.222 makes his way to the ring with HBK’s former student Lance Cade. Jericho tells Michaels that he knew he’d accept, despite the fact that his eye is in worse shape than he’s letting on. Shawn wants to be a martyr, but like all martyrs, he’ll soon be forgotten. HBK reminds Jericho that he’s been through everything he could possibly go through in this business, and that if he chose to walk away today, the fans will remember him forever. Despite everything Y2J’s accomplished though, he’ll always feel empty, because Y2J will never be HBK. Michaels leaves Jericho to think about that. This was one of the best segments in a long time, and I will go more in depth on the reason why at the end of this post.
Charlie Haas is in the ring when we come back. Yes, I said Charlie Haas. He was just on TV a month ago, but it’s not too hard to forget about him, which is sad because he’s a very gifted athlete. His opponent tonight is the WWE Intercontinental Champion, Kofi Kingston. Haas put up a good fight, a better showing than you’d expect – but ultimately it was another match to showcase RAW’s new talent. Kofi picked up the win with the Trouble In Paradise kick. As he’s celebrating, he’s hit from behind with a neckbreaker by Paul Burchill. The former pirate then hits the curb stomp and leaves the Intercontinental Champion lying in a heap in the middle of the ring.
Batista is gearing up for his title match, when some weird looking kid jumps in front of him and starts mimmicking his entrance before being chased away by security. It was bizarre, and Batista couldn’t help but shake his head at the situation. It was another one of those “WTF” moments, and it made me nostalgic for the Monday Night Wars. Fatal Four Way, up next!
Batista makes his way out and shows that weird kid the right way of doing his little machine gun entrance thing. He’s followed by JBL, Kane, and John Cena, and we’re underway. Everybody got their chance to shine, but it ultimately came down to frustration – JBL, frustrated by what Cena did to his limo, took The Doctor of Thuganomics out with the steel steps. Kane, frustrated by losing his ECW Championship, took JBL out with a throat thrust into the crowd. Batista took advantage by spearing Kane and picking up the win, sending The Animal to The Great American Bash to challenge CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Kane, now even more frustrated, throws the ring steps, says something to Michael Cole, which was apparently “is he alive or dead?”, chases Lillian Garcia away, then drags Michael Cole into the ring. Apparently Kane wanted an answer for whatever he said earlier. Cole tells him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Kane goes to chokeslam Cole, but Jerry Lawler decides to come to the rescue. As such, he gets beat down in Cole’s place. Kane leaves Lawler lying as we fade to black.
Well, as I stated earlier, this was the third straight week that I thouroghly enjoyed Monday Night RAW. It was a great show, showcasing a few of the new stars who came over in the draft. John Cena likes poop jokes. A lot of you may know, this site was inspired by James Guttman’s World Wrestling Insanity website. James used to joke all the time that Cena makes a lot of poop jokes, but last night had to be some kind of record, especially after literally spraypainting “JBL IS POOPY” on JBL’s limo. I knew there was a reason why kids flocked to John Cena – his humor is on their level. There were a few unexpected things that helped the show feel more like the Monday Night War era shows, such as the stagehands dropping the light when CM Punk was doing his interview, though like I said, that could play into the McMahon storyline in the long run, and the whole thing with that kid jumping out in front of Batista and mimicking him. You just don’t see that kind of stuff in the WWE anymore, which makes it awesome when it happens. Finally, I think the best segment on this show was the Y2J/HBK segment, and the reason for that is, they didn’t raise their voices to express their anger with each other. It reminds me of Jake “The Snake” Roberts, in the sense that you knew he was angry by the tone of his voice and the things that he said, not the volume he said it in. Leave it to Kane to turn heel with some stupid storyline to accompany it. May 19th was a couple months ago buddy, and the fake Kane is busy being a tackling dummy for Edge on Friday Nights. I guess we’ll just have to see where it all leads, but for now it reeks of Katie Vick-like stupidity.
Just a heads up, as you can see this post is late, ECW’s post may be as well, but I guess for now it’s day-to-day.
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