Finally, the day is upon us. April 1, 2012. John Cena vs. The Rock in the main event of WrestleMania XXVIII in Miami, Florida. But, how did we get to this monumental main event? We’ll set the DeLorean for April 3, 2011 in Atlanta, Georgia, where The Rock was the guest host for WrestleMania XXVII. Sure, I know it started before that, but you can dig through our archives and do your own damned research. This is WrestleMania week, so we’re going to talk about WrestleMania. That’s how it works. Anyways, let’s sit back, relax, and remember a time when The Miz was in the main event instead of being lost in a sea of people in an overbooked tag team match.
For what it’s worth, WrestleCrap inducted this very event this week. It’s worth checking out while it’s still there.
Here to sing “America The Beautiful” is a multi-platinum selling, Grammy winning artist that I’ve never heard of, Keri Hilson.
The Rock gets a late-night talk show style introduction. Then he milks his entrance. We’re seven minutes and forty seconds into the show before he even says a word. Finally he’s come back, blah blah blah. He promises that this will be the most memorable WrestleMania of all time. It happened last year and I’ve already forgotten about it. Electricity is in the air, can you feel it? Taste it? Smell it? We’re making history, so we’re going to have some fun. When the Rock says “Wrestle,” the people will say “Mania.” Because that’s what they’re there for, to play sing along with The Rock. He rips on Cena a little bit. The fans chant “Fruity Pebbles.” The Rock says this is gonna get good. It had better. Rock is drinking the People’s water. When The Rock says “Yabba,” the people say “Dabba.” This is dragging on for FAR too long. He takes 20 minutes to say one thing, because he has to beat it into the ground. He rambles on for another few minutes. I’m not even trying to tell you what he’s saying anymore. He stops in the middle of his catch phrase. Probably because he forgot it over the last seven years. No, apparently it’s because he wants the people to say it for him. Or something. I don’t know anymore. He does his catch phrase, and we’re just shy of fourteen minutes into the show when his music hits for him to leave. Then he milks his exit.
Fourteen and a half minutes in, we get our standard hype video. At 16:40, the opening pyro goes off.
Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who, in turn, introduces the challenger for the World Heavyweight Championship, Alberto Del Rio. It’s worth noting that Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler are the commentators. You know, Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole, who are wrestling each other later on the show. Brodus Clay is ringside in Del Rio’s corner. Christian makes his way out, because apparently he’s allowed to be in Edge’s corner since Clay is in Del Rio’s. Cole is in the Cole Mine. Remember that? Edge makes his way out, and milks the hell out of his entrance too. It’s probably a good thing, too, seeing as how he found out after this match that he had to retire. Remember the big video cylinder thing I talked about last year that came down from the ceiling for some guys? Yeah, this year it’s a cube. We get our championship introductions for this one, and we’re FINALLY set to go.
Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio: World Heavyweight Championship
The opening bell, for the opening contest on the biggest professional wrestling event of the year, rings 23:43 into the show. I’ve seen episodes of IMPACT with opening bells quicker than that. They lock up, and appear to be evenly matched. Del Rio shoves Edge. Edge slaps Del Rio. Del Rio kicks Edge in his injured arm. He puts the boots to the World Heavyweight Champion in the corner. Edge backdrops a charging Del Rio over the top rope and to the floor. Del Rio avoids the baseball slide and shoves Edge injured arm first into the guardrail, then slams the arm off of the steel steps. Back in the ring, Del Rio works over the arm of Edge, undoubtedly trying to soften him up for the cross armbreaker. Edge ducks a charging Del Rio, who winds up crashing to the floor. Edge does a flip over the top rope onto Del Rio. Edge gets Del Rio into the ring and climbs the ropes, but Del Rio armdrags Edge down. Edge hits a spinning heel kick on Del Rio, followed by a big boot. Edge starts to build momentum, but Del Rio hits an armbreaker on Edge. He goes for the cross armbreaker, but Edge reverses into the Edge-o-Matic for two. Edge tries to roll up Del Rio, but Del Rio rolls through and gets the cross armbreaker on, but Edge quickly gets to the ropes. Edge drapes Del Rio’s throat across the top rope, then climbs up there himself, but Del Rio hits a running enziguri. He covers Edge, and Ricardo Rodriguez pushes Edge’s foot off the ropes, but the Rated R Superstar still manages to kick out at 2. Christian goes after Brodus Clay and gets run over for his trouble, and in the confusion, Edge scored a two count on Del Rio. Edge hits the Impaler DDT, then sets up for the Spear. Del Rio sidesteps it, and Brodus Clay gets a cheap shot in on Edge’s arm. Del Rio locks in the cross armbreaker. Edge tries to fight it off, and manages to roll up Del Rio. Edge locks in a submission hold of his own, a modified Sharpshooter of sorts. Del Rio crawls toward the bottom rope, and Christian prevents Brodus Clay from helping him get there with a tornado DDT off the apron to the floor. Edge Spears Del Rio out of nowhere, and picks up the victory!
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
Edge gets to the top of the ramp and looks at Del Rio’s car. He sets the title down on the hood, then feigns kicking in the door. Then he actually kicks the door. He drops an elbow on the top of the car, then Christian comes over with a crowbar and a pipe. Edge scratches up the paint job and dents the trunk with the crowbar, smashes out the windshield, knocks off the hood ornament and smashes a window. Del Rio almost cries at the destruction of his car.
Video: Tough Enough premiere spot.
Michael Cole says everybody bought tickets because he’s in the main event against Jerry “The King” Lawler.
Ah, yes, the Grotesque Cody Rhodes character. I loved this gimmick for Cody, but at the same time, I’m glad it’s over, because he’s such an awesome character in his current role too. We get the highlights of his rivalry with Rey Mysterio as Cody makes his entrance. Mysterio emerges from the smoke dressed like Captain America. Even though he’s Mexican.
Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes
Rey tries to pull Cody’s protective mask off at the start of the match. Cody takes down Mysterio and finally manages to get his jacket off. Rhodes goes after Mysterio’s protective knee brace. Rhodes hits the disaster kick on Mysterio, scoring a two count. Rhodes keeps going after Mysterio’s face. It’s all Rhodes early on. He hits the Alabama Slam, then tries for Mysterio’s knee brace again. Mysterio starts fighting back, but Rhodes hits a headbutt, followed by a superplex. Not just any superplex, Rhodes held Mysterio in the air for a bit before finally falling back on it. He goes for CrossRhodes, but Mysterio counters, sending Cody to the outside. Mysterio hits the baseball slide, but Cody ducks a second. Rey hurricanranas Rhodes face first into the ring apron, then as Cody gets back in the ring, Mysterio hits a seated senton for two. Rey tries to build momentum, but Rhodes manages to shut him down each time. Mysterio hits a hurricanrana, then gets Rhodes set up for the 619, but Rhodes catches Mysterio, then catapults him throat first into the second rope. Rhodes finally manages to get Mysterio’s knee brace off and tosses it to the outside. Mysterio rolls to the apron, then hits a moonsault from the top rope for two. Mysterio undoes Rhodes’ mask, and gets Rhodes set up for the 619, and nails it this time. Mysterio goes to the top rope, but Rhodes gets his knees up. Mysterio boots Rhodes in the face then puts on his face mask. He dives at Rhodes and headbutts him a few times. Mysterio hits a diving headbutt while wearing the mask, but Rhodes kicked out. Rhodes rolls to the outside, Mysterio goes for a suicide dive, but Rhodes decks Mysterio with his own knee brace. Back in the ring, Rhodes hits CrossRhodes, and picks up the victory.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Cody grabs his mask, covers his face, and heads up the ramp quickly.
Cole and Lawler argue a little more. Josh Matthews tells us that Snoop Dogg is here tonight. Teddy Long is backstage with him. Snoop is looking for people to use on his new album. Teddy Long knows just the people. Up first is William Regal. He raps.
Straight out of Blackpool, I’m William Regal
Everybody knows that I do nothing legal
As for my man Snoop, you won’t be chillin’
‘Cause I’ll show you, why I’m straight up villain.
Snoop says no. Beth Phoenix and The Great Khali sing “Summer Lovin’.” Zack Ryder sings “Friday.” Roddy Piper bashes him over the head with a coconut. Yoshi Tatsu sings “We Will Rock You” while Chris Masters flexes his pecs. Hornswoggle comes in and Teddy Long tells Snoop that Hornswoggle can’t talk. Long and Snoop leave, and Hornswoggle drops a rhyme as the Bella Twins.. dance, I guess, behind him.
The Corre! Remember those guys? Neither do I! It’s Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater, and Ezekiel Jackson. Kane & The Big Show are out first for their team, followed by Santino Marella, and their partner, replacing Vladimir Kozlov, Kofi Kingston!
The Corre vs. Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella, & Kofi Kingston
No. I’m not doing it. It’s been a long week, I’m tired, I’ve watched and reviewed seven other WrestleManias this week. There is NO WAY I’m watching a match with Heath Slater in it. FFW! Santino hits the Cobra on Slater, and Big Show hits the WMD on him for the victory for his team.
Winners: Santino, Kofi Kingston, Kane, and The Big Show
Santino and his teammates celebrate their victory. Backstage, The Rock is hitting on Eve. He says he makes magic. He’s going to create a moment with the next person who walks in. It’s Mae Young. He calls her a Divasaurus. She says she wants the people’s strudel. He says she should want Moses’ strudel. He introduces Mae to Eve, “Like your childhood friends, Adam and Eve.” Mae says she’s the one and only Great Mae Young, and she’ll never get old. Mae slaps Rock on the butt. He wishes it could’ve been somebody else coming around the corner. He turns around to find “Stone Cold” Steve Austin! They exchange pleasantries, and shake hands.
We get a video package showing how we wound up getting Punk vs. Orton. CM Punk is out first, minus his New Nexus brethren, thanks to Orton. Orton makes his way to the ring with his leg heavily taped up.
CM Punk vs. Randy Orton
Punk tries to go for the leg early on, but Orton doesn’t allow it. Orton clotheslines Punk over the top rope and to the floor, then goes out after him. Punk avoids crashing into the ring steps, then kicks them into Orton’s injured knee. Back in the ring, Punk scores two with a cross body from the top rope. Orton pulls himself up by the ropes, but Punk knocks him right back down. Punk continues to work over the leg of Orton. Punk ties Orton to the tree of woe, and stands on the turnbuckle to apply pressure to Orton’s leg, before jumping off and stomping Orton on the way down. Punk says it’s nap time. He gets Orton up, but wastes too much time. Orton tries to counter into an RKO, but Punk kicks Orton in the face to escape. Punk climbs to the top rope, but Orton gets to his feet and crotches Punk on the top turnbuckle. Shout-out to whoever made the “Randy Orton Orange-O-Meter” sign, if they’re reading this. Orton with a superplex, only scores a two count. Punk gets back in control, wrapping Orton’s leg around the ringpost and locking in the figure four around the post a la Bret “Hitman” Hart. Punk continues to work over the leg when he gets back in the ring. Orton fights out of a submission hold with headbutts. Orton hits the powerslam, then a Thesz press. He hits the Angle Slam (which, I think, was the catalyst for Kurt Angle trash talking Orton on Twitter last year). Punk starts battling back with striking attacks. Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice. Orton finally manages to get to the ropes. Punk and Orton battle, with Orton gaining the upperhand, dropping Punk with the elevated DDT. Orton gets in position – and if you’re wondering where the Orton clip from the SmackDown intro is from, this would be your answer. Punk doesn’t get up right away, and Orton starts snarling. He backs into the corner, but he can’t charge at Punk because his leg gave out. Punk stalks Orton, who goes for an RKO, but Punk escapes to the outside. Punk goes to the top rope and goes for a flying clothesline, but Orton hits the RKO on him out of mid-air, picking up the victory!
Winner: Randy Orton
“Mean Gene” Okerlund is excited. The Rock hears that John Cena’s number one fan is upset with him. He asks John Cena’s number one fan what he has to say. Pee Wee Herman says “You can’t see me.” The Rock asks if he knows how ridiculous he looks. Does he want to be a man on Team Bring It, or a boy on the Froot Loop Troop. Rock says if he’s going to be on the Froot Loop Troop, he has to look like this – Mean Gene in John Cena gear. Pee Wee says he looks like a tool. Gene says “I know you are, but what am I?” Pee Wee wants to be on Team Bring It. If ya smellllalalalalallalalallaaaaa what the Pee is cookin’. The Rock welcomes him to Team Bring It.
Promo video for “The True Story of WrestleMania.” I can vouch for it. It’s awesome.
Howard Finkel welcomes the 2011 Class of the WWE Hall of Fame. In order of announcement: Abdullah The Butcher, Sunny, The Road Warriors (represented by Animal and Paul Ellering), Drew Carrey. “Bullet” Bob Armstrong, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, and “The Heartbreak Kid,” Shawn Michaels, who gets his own entrance.
Last Monday on RAW, Jack Swagger took on Jerry “The King” Lawler, who assaulted Swagger with a chair, getting himself disqualified in the process. Apparently, that’s where we are on the show. Booker T comes out to do commentary, Sucka! And if there’s one good thing we’re getting out of this terrible match, it’s that we’re not going to have WrestleMania without Good Ol’ JR, Jim Ross! Cole starts yapping before JR even gets down to the ring. He says JR has the second biggest ego in Sports Entertainment. The man with the biggest ego in the world is Jerry Lawler. JR and The King have a lot in common. They’re overweight, over rated, and over the hill. Cole’s been thinking a lot about this match, and what he’s been thinking about is how Jerry Lawler’s been in this business just as long as Cole’s been alive, yet it’s his first WrestleMania, and it’s Cole’s first ‘Mania as well. When tonight is over, JR will go back to making bad barbecue sauce, and Stone Cold will raise Cole’s hand in victory, and we’ll all proclaim Cole as the new Mr. WrestleMania. Jack Swagger gets his own entrance, rather than coming out with Cole. In the middle of his pushup routine, Stone Cold comes out on his ATV, and nearly runs him over! He goes after Cole, who runs for shelter in the Cole Mine. Lawler comes out ,looking very regal. He’s definitely ready for battle.
Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole
Do I have to? Ugh. Cole says he’s not ready. Austin calls for the bell and tells Lawler to go get him. Swagger tries to attack, but gets tossed into the guardrail. Cole begs off in the Cole Mine. He apologizes for everything. Lawler tells him to get in the ring. Cole reaches through one of the air holes in the Cole Mine for a handshake. Jerry accepts, but doesn’t let go. He pulls Cole through the hole, smashing his skull up against the Cole Mine. King climbs in, Cole tries to climb out. He’s got nowhere to run as Lawler pounds away at Cole inside the Cole Mine. Lawler rams Cole’s head off of the Anonymous RAW GM Podium. Lawler rolls Cole back into the ring, and as Austin is checking on Cole, Swagger gets a cheap shot in on Lawler. Cole hits a baseball slide, and Swagger, behind Austin’s back again, locks in the ankle lock for a few moments. Cole asks Austin to count Lawler out. Austin starts counting. Lawler gets back in at four. Cole stands on Lawler’s injured ankle. Cole works over Lawler’s ankle, torquing it around the bottom rope. Cole sets Lawler up in the corner, and hits the worst looking Vader Bomb of all time – from the bottom rope. Lawler starts to battle back, but Cole goes back to the ankle. Cole pulls down a strap, and locks in the an-Cole lock. Booker T’s words, not mine. Lawler screams in pain, but rolls over and kicks Cole off of him. Cole tries to crawl out of the ring, but Lawler catches him and stomps a mudhole in him in the corner. Swagger throws in the towel on behalf of Cole. Austin looks down at the towel, picks it up, wipes his brow with it, and tosses it back at Swagger. Swagger gets in the ring trying to explain that the match should be over, and gets Stunned for his trouble. King stalks Cole. Austin asks Cole if he wants to continue, Cole begs Austin to stop the match. Austin looks at his imaginary watch, and Cole gets angry, telling Austin “you don’t know who I am.” He shoves the Rattlesnake, and gets shoved back, where Lawler is waiting with a right hand. Lawler gets fired up and starts firing away at Cole. Lawler throws a standing dropkick. He stands over Cole, acknowledges the crowd, goes to the middle rope, drops the strap, and drops the fist. The cover, the count, and The King picks Cole up at two. Lawler locks in an ankle lock of his own, and Cole taps immediately, but Austin won’t call for the bell until Cole answers the question, “do you give up?” Cole screams “Yes, I give up!” and Austin finally calls for the bell. Swagger carries Cole off. Booker T gets in the ring to celebrate with Austin and Lawler, does a Spinaroonie, and cracks a beer, and toasts Austin. Who, of course, Stuns him.
Winner: Jerry “The King” Law…
The Anonymous RAW GM chimes in. Josh Matthews reads it, and I quote: “The referee has blatantly overstepped his authority by physically interfering in this match. Therefore, Jerry Lawler has been disqualified, and the winner of the match, is Michael Cole.”
Winner: Michael Cole
Lawler wants Josh Matthews to read it again. Matthews reiterates that Lawler lost. Austin throws his beer. Lawler asks to hear it one more time. He’s been disqualified, and Michael Cole is the winner. Lawler tosses Josh Matthews into the ring, and Austin stuns him. Lawler goes and takes a seat next to JR at the announce table, and we get a highlight video of WrestleMania Axxess.
We get ourselves another highlight package, this one detailing The Undertaker vs. Triple H. The lights go out, and I get a text message – no wait, that’s the actual song, “For Whom The Bell Tolls” by Metallica (which happens to also be my text message alert sound, and a song I’ve performed many, many times). A horde of men holding shields appears on the stage , and they part ways to reveal Triple H doing his best ThinkSoJoE impersonation with the skull mask and crown. I’m the King of Chaos, bitch, not you! The lights go out, and Triple H is normal Triple H again, and his usual Motorhead theme plays him to the ring. The bell tolls. Not the Metallica bell, the Undertaker bell, and Johnny Cash’s “Ain’t No Grave” plays as The Undertaker makes his way to the ring amid a thick fog.
Triple H vs. The Undertaker: No Holds Barred
Triple H throws fists, but The Undertaker throws Triple H over the top rope and to the floor. Undertaker sends Triple H face first into the steel steps and dismantles the Spanish announce table. Triple H spears Undertaker through the Cole Mine. Undertaker sits up, and The Game tells him to bring it. They start exchanging punches in the ring, and Undertaker hits a flying clothesline to take Triple H down. Undertaker goes for Old School, but Triple H pulls him down off of the top rope. The Game clotheslines Undertaker out of the ring. The Game sends Undertaker into the guardrail, and dismantles the English announce table. He brings The Undertaker up on the table and goes for the Pedigree, but Undertaker backdrops him down to the floor. The Undertaker hits the suicide dive on Triple H, and the crowd is loving it. Undertaker drags Triple H to the bottom half of the steel steps and bounces his head off of it. Undertaker goes for the Tombstone, but Triple H escapes and hits a headbutt. Undertaker charges at him, but The Game hits the spinebuster through the Spanish announce table! Triple H rolls The Undertaker back into the ring, but Undertaker chokeslams him out of nowhere! Cover, and a two count. Undertaker hits a headbutt, and goes for, apparently, the Last Ride, but Triple H rams him into the corner. The Game climbs up on the middle rope and starts throwing fists at The Undertaker, which means another Last Ride attempt, but Triple H escaped, went for the Pedigree, Undertaker escaped with snake eyes, but as he charged at The Game, Triple H nails a spinebuster for a two count. Triple H rolls out of the ring, and grabs a steel chair. He comes at The Phenom, but gets a boot in his face for his troubles. Undertaker grabs the chair and cracks it across Triple H’s spine. Triple H avoids another chairshot and hits a Pedigree, but only scores a two count. Undertaker hits a Last Ride and only gets a two count. Undertaker goes for the Tombstone, and nails it. One, two… Triple H kicks out! Undertaker grabs the chair again, tosses it down in the middle of the ring, and picks up Triple H. He tries for a tombstone onto the chair, but Triple H reverses it into a DDT on the chair, and both men are down. Both men struggle to get back to their feet, and have to use the ropes to do so. Triple H hits another Pedigree, gets the cover, and The Undertaker kicks out again at two. Triple H drops The Undertaker with a third Pedigree, but The Undertaker STILL kicks out. Triple H cracks The Undertaker across the back with the chair. Twice. Three times. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. The Dead Man still won’t stay down, despite Triple H’s insistence. Undertaker gets to his feet. Ten. This one to the skull. Undertaker tries to sit up. He gets to his knees, and The Game yells for him to “just die.” He asks Undertaker what’s wrong with him, and Undertaker grabs The Game by the throat. Triple H shakes it off as Undertaker gets to his feet, still wanting to fight. Triple H hits a Tombstone, complete with funeral cover and tongue, but The Undertaker STILL kicks out at two! Triple H recoils, not sure what exactly it is he’s up against. The Game grabs his sledgehammer. If the chair couldn’t do it, if three Pedigrees couldn’t do it, if a Tombstone couldn’t do it, maybe the sledgehammer will, but Triple H finds himself trapped in Hell’s Gate! He tries his hardest to fight it off. He grabs his sledgehammer, but before he could use it, he fades away. Triple H is in the hold for what seems like an eternity, but finally he has no choice but to tap out.
Winner: The Undertaker (19-0 at WrestleMania)
I know I said I think Punk/Jericho is going to steal the show tomorrow, but I know what match I’m looking forward to the most after watching this again. Undertaker hasn’t moved, and the trainer comes out to check on him. Triple H gets to his feet, however. He’s the one walking out of this, and he didn’t win. Undertaker finally stirs a little. Triple H looks on as The Undertaker gets out of the ring, with help. A sign in the background says it all: “They just stole the show.” Undertaker collapses off of the ring apron, and the referee tells Triple H to leave. Undertaker tries to pull himself up on the ring apron, but he can’t do it. You can very clearly see the scar from where he had the “SARA” tattoo removed in one shot. Undertaker is lying motionless on the floor when the cart that’s usually reserved for Atlanta Falcons football players comes to take The Undertaker from the stadium. Dean Malenko is one of the guys helping get him on the cart.
Please DO NOT Try this at home.
WrestleMania XXVIII will be in Miami, FL on April 1, 2012. Hey, that’s TONIGHT!
This is a six person mixed tag team mach. Vickie Guerrero comes out and introduces LayCool and Dolph Ziggler. John Morrison is out first for his team, followed by the legendary Trish Stratus, and lastly, Snooki from The Jersey Shore. The only thing I know about Jersey Shore is that South Park episode. “Snooki want smush-smush.”
John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool
LayCool attack Trish and Snooki, and the men pull them off of each other. Snooki slaps Ziggler. Trish starts things off with Michelle McCool. She starts things off with a shove, but Trish comes back with knife edge chops, Trish does the Matrix, but McCool stomped her. She goes for the
Styles Clash Faith Breaker, but Trish reverses it into a facebuster. Trish goes for the hurricanrana from the top rope, then Trish and Michelle start trading blows on the top rope before they spill off of the top rope and to the floor. Layla tries to attack Trish, but gets hit for her trouble, and Trish dives off of the apron on both members of LayCool. Michelle accidentally boots Layla when Trish moves out of the way, and Trish hits the Chick Kick, but Ziggler pulls her off. Morrison knocks Ziggler out of the ring and hits Starship Pain on Ziggler. Trish tags Snooki, and Snooki does a handspring elbow, then a cartwheel splash for the victory.
Winners: Snooki, Trish Stratus, and John Morrison
They celebrate for far too long. I say this because Snooki even being on this show is a waste of TV time.
WWE Extreme Rules spot airs.
New Georgia Dome record attendance for “any entertainment event”: 71,617
Rather than the standard video package, we get a Miz highlight video set to “Hate Me Now” by Nas. Miz and Alex Riley come out first for this match. As usual, tradition be damned. There’s a big balloon that says AWESOME on the stage as they come out. A choir appears on stage, and, to quote Hornsby from BotchedSpot in our WrestleMania 28 roundtable podcast, they “sing beautifully.” We get a John Cena video package set to “Prayer III” by DMX. The choir sings again, leading into them singing “The Time Is Now.” Good, because this is getting really long. The actual song plays, and John Cena is booed to the ring. There’s one thing I distinctly remember about this show from last year, it’s that Justin Ruff reviewed it and pointed out that Cena’s titan tron thing looks like a confederate flag if you look at it a certain way. We get our Championship introductions, and we’re finally set for our main event!
John Cena vs. The Miz: WWE Championship
The bell rings. Twice. Good job, Mark Yeaton. Actually, I blame Mike Chioda for it. The bell rang, and he called for the bell. They lock up, Miz takes Cena down, the pace picks up, Cena hits a hip toss, and Miz backs into the corner. Miz backs Cena into a corner, and does not allow a clean break. He stomps away on Cena in the corner. Miz with the Irish whip, and the big clothesline in the corner, scoring a two count. Cena hits a gutwrench powerbomb for a two count. Miz tries for the corner clothesline again, but Cena ducks it, goes up top, and hits the rocker dropper thingy. I like to call it the “rapper dropper,” since Cena’s a rapper. Miz ducks a charging Cena, who crashes into the turnbuckle. Miz boots him in the face and scores a two count. Miz hits a big boot for another two. Cena falls down in a weird spot, not sure what happened. Miz puts a knee to Cena’s skull and scores a two count. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena starts rolling with a few shoulder blocks and a Protobomb. Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Miz disrupts the Attitude Adjustment attempt with a DDT. Cena goes for the STF, but The Miz counters and hits the Mizard of Oz for a two count. Miz removes the turnbuckle cover. The referee tries to put it back as Cena rolls Miz up, but by time the referee saw it, Miz kicked out. Miz goes to slam Cena’s head into the exposed turnbuckle, but Cena battles out of it, eventually locking in the STF. Miz grabs the bottom rope and Cena has to break the hold. As the referee checks on The Miz, A-Ry rams Cena’s head into the exposed turnbuckle. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz goes for another Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena’s counter sends him crashing into the referee. Cena hits the AA, but doesn’t realize the ref is out. A-Ry nails Cena in the skull with the briefcase he’s still carrying around, Miz covers Cena, but Cena kicks out at two. A-Ry yells at the referee that it’s a slow count, and Miz grabs the briefcase, Cena ducks and Miz hits Riley. Cena hits a monster Attitude Adjustment, but The Miz still manages to kick out at two! The action spills out of the ring, and Cena clotheslines Miz into the timekeepers area. Cena spears Miz off of the guardrail and into the audience. The referee begins to count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Both men are still down. Seven. Eight. Nothing. Nine. Ten. WrestleMania ends with a double count out.
Winner: Double Count-out. Miz retains the WWE Championship.
If ya smell… What The Rock… Is cookin’
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, the host of this show, heads down to the ring. He kicks The Miz’s briefcase out of the ring. The Anonymous RAW GM chimes in, but The Rock tells JR and The King to stay put. The Rock asks for our attention, because he’s just received an e-mail from the Anonymous RAW General Manager. And I quote: “As RAW General Manager, I think…” The Rock says, “It doesn’t matter what you think!” and he throws the laptop to the floor. The Rock is the host of WrestleMania, and WrestleMania is not over. The Rock says that this match must restart right now. No disqualification, no count out, no time limit.
The Match Continues…
Cena tosses Miz back in the ring and goes for an AA, but Miz squirms out, and Rock hits the Rock Bottom on John Cena! The Miz gets back in and covers Cena, one, two, three, The Miz wins!
Winner and still WWE Champion: The Miz
Miz celebrates with the WWE Championship, and The Rock gets back in the ring. Miz tries to hit Rock with the title, but The Rock ducks and lays the SmackDown on The Miz. He hits a spinebuster, and then a People’s Elbow. The guy that’s standing tall at the end of the biggest pro wrestling show of the year? The guy who hasn’t been acknowledged wrestling for the past seven years. The end.
My thoughts: It’s really tiring to do what I just did over the course of this week. I’m hoping tonight’s show will be much better than this one I just reviewed. Seriously, there’s too much other stuff going on during this show. The matches were good enough, but the goofy stuff was there in spades. Alright, I’m ready. Hope you enjoyed this series, now stay tuned for the BWF Radio WrestleMania pregame, and after the show come back for the BWF Radio WrestleMania post-show!
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