You know, I kind of liked the way I did the RAW review last week. I think, even though I only caught the first 30 before having to leave for work, that I’m going to do it the same way. Watch a segment, then recap it. Yeah, that works.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW. Then I leave for work. Then I watch the rest of RAW and review it here on the site. And I change the way I do it whenever I feel like it. Because this is my site and I can do that. NWA Jr. Heavyweight Champion Chase Owens on BWF Radio this Sunday.
Punk vs. crazy bearded dude they found at the bus station. Oh wait, that’s Luke Harper.
Luke Harper of the Wyatt Family kicks off RAW taking on CM Punk in the opening contest. Harper puts up a hell of a fight, partly assisted by the distraction of Erick Rowan and Bray Wyatt’s presence at ringside. Eventually Punk wins with a rollup. The Wyatt Family attack Punk after the match, but are run off by Daniel Bryan.
Solid opening contest. Harper’s a heck of a worker, and Punk can make ALMOST anybody look like a million bucks in the ring, so the combination of the two of them makes for a pretty solid opener for RAW.
“I accept that I’m outnumbered”
CM Punk talks to Renee Young backstage and tells her that he accepts being outnumbered, as long as the opponents accept that they’re outgunned. He says we found out tonight that he’s not the only one who has a problem with the Wyatts.
No shit, Punk. Daniel Bryan got it way worse than you did last week. I’d venture to say that he’d have a problem with them.
“Paul, are you crying?!?”
Paul Heyman is injured because of CM Punk, and gives a list of his injuries to Michael Cole via telephone. He feels Punk and the WWE Universe owe him an apology. Cole asks if he’s crying, and he hangs up.
When’s the last time they did the “via telephone” bit? Was it the Savage/Crush thing back in 1994?
Ryback shoved cake into Hornswoggle’s face in catering – and now he’s got a match with The Great Khali. Ryback winds up winning with the Meat Hook – not the Shell Shocked. Santino gets beat up by Ryback after the match, and Hornswoggle hides from him under the ring.
Oh, who cares? Maybe if he picked Khali up for Shell Shocked it’d be worth watching.
Alberto Del Rio vs. some jobber. “But Joe, that’s Kofi Kingston!” What’s the difference?
Actually, Kofi got in some decent offense, but Del Rio winds up picking up the predictable victory with the cross armbreaker.
Can Kofi get a victory at some point? I like the dude, and I thought he’d be a huge star by now, but now he’s just one step above Zack Ryder.
They play a video of “evidence” against The Authority by Big Show’s attorney. I’d put it here but it’s apparently not up on YouTube.
“The power is in your hands!” Do I get to use a Power Glove?
Randy Orton’s opponent for this evening is chosen by a vote on the WWE App. The choices were Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston, and The Miz. Orton cuts a pre-match promo saying that all the women want to wake up next to him and the men don’t measure up, and the only thing the vote decides is who will be his next victim. It’s Big E Langston. The numbers look odd to me though – Big E got 75%, Miz got 13%, and Ziggler got 12%. I’d venture to say that Ziggler would get a much larger number than 12% of the votes. Big E put up a hell of a fight, but Orton escaped a Big Ending to drop Langston with an RKO.
12%? Really? I can’t fathom it would be that low – people love Dolph Ziggler!
Tyson Kidd is back! He’s teaming with his wife, Natalya, to take on Fandango and Summer Rae. I’m curious as to whether or not this is the first time an actual married couple has teamed together in a mixed tag match in WWE… But then I think of Jackie Gayda and Charlie Haas, whom I think did it before them. Kidd picks up the win for his team, making Fandango tap with the Sharpshooter.
So great to see Kidd back in the ring and not under a “Los Locales” mask.
“Have you ever seen his real face? That’s why – he’s ugly.”
Tyson Kidd trends number one worldwide on Twitter as John Cena, Goldust, and Cody Rhodes face The Real Americans and Damien Sandow with Alberto Del Rio and Zeb Colter on commentary. I immediately fell asleep – I saw Cesaro hit an uppercut on Cena, then the faces won. I have no idea how. I don’t care either. Goldust’s music is playing, so I assume he won it for his team.
It’s been a long night. I don’t know if I’ll finish this show before I have to leave for home…
And the Big Show is in the building. Vickie Guerrero tells Triple H. That’s one unhappy Game. Stephanie let him in because the board demanded it. She says it’s because the board doesn’t want their personal business getting dragged into WWE business. He says “here we go with the McMahon personal business.” She says “You’ve never had a problem taking McMahon family money.” Triple H accepts his fate and asks Vickie to bring Big Show to his office.
I thought he was injured?
Curtis Axel faces Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. Since I want to get through this, I FFW. Ziggler picks up the win with the Zig Zag.
So much for Axel’s injury. NEXT!
Vickie returns without The Big Show, but he’s willing to meet with Triple H in the ring.
Another week, another 3MB job
This time to the Usos. FFW! Predictable Uso win with the big splash from the top rope on Slater.
Slaters gonna Slate.
Los Matadores give an interview to Renee Young. They make a Torito is horny pun. Oh boy.
This should be a train wreck…
The Bella Twins and Eva Marie vs. AJ, Tamina, and Aksana. FUUUUUUUUUUCK this. FFW. Eva Marie pinned Tamina with one of the worst looking rollups ever.
What the fuck. Damn reality show.
“So what do you want?”
“I want a broom, so you can hop on and fly back to Connecticut.” Aside from that, all Big Show wants is his job back, and he’ll drop the lawsuit. Stephanie grants it to him. There’s one more little thing – to make the world’s largest lawsuit go away, the world’s largest athlete deserves the world’s largest bonus. He says he’s kidding – instead, he wants to be the face of the WWE. This draws out The Shield. Big Show says he wants a WWE Title match against Orton at Survivor Series. Triple H says he got his job back and he’s lucky for it, now get out. Big Show says that early tomorrow morning, his attorney will be in touch with the Board of Directors, and he’ll complete his task of owning all of them. Triple H stops him and tells him he’s got his match. Big Show asks him to repeat himself in a clear, coherent voice. Triple H obliges, then orders Big Show to compete in a handicap match against The Shield and Randy Orton.
At the same time?
All four men get to be in the ring with Big Show at the same time. Show does his best to fight them off, but Roman Reigns takes him out with the spear. Orton directs traffic, ordering The Shield to hit the triple powerbomb, but he fights out. Show eventually gets the Shield subdued, but before he can go after Orton, Kane’s music hits, and the big red monster comes out in a suit. This allows the Shield enough time to regroup, and Kane throws chairs to all four of Big Show’s opponents, who beat him down with it. The Shield hit the Triple Powerbomb on Show through the announce table to send RAW crashing off the air.
I know this review is late. I fell asleep watching the Cena/Rhodes’ vs. Sandow/Real Americans match. Then I never got a chance to finish up this review. So here it is.
Thoughts: Not terrible. Not great. Kinda dull. Interesting to see Kane in a suit, very curious as to where this goes. I’m sure whatever the role calls for Glen Jacobs will make it work. Oh well. See you Sunday.
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!