Well folks, as announced yesterday, from now on you’ll be getting DVR reviews of all the WWE shows from yours truly, as my shift at work has changed to 3-11.  We’re kicking things off with the post Survivor Series RAW, where John Cena is our new World Heavyweight Champion!

Full review after the jump!

Yes sir, we promised you a great main event…

Shane McMahon must be running late, because the show’s starting by showing him pulling up in his car.  He’s rushing to the ring, and mingling with some of the talent before telling the sound guy to hit his music.

HERE COMES THE MONEY!  – We know, Shane, we know.

Apparently Batista and Jericho each have rematch clauses in their contracts, which causes a dilemma, since John Cena is the champion.  So we’ll settle that in the ring, when Batista takes on Jericho – again – to determine the number one contender for Armageddon in my hometown of Buffalo.

I’m all grown up…

That was a show based on the Rugrats characters in their teens, wasn’t it?  Anyways, Stephanie McMahon announces that Randy Orton will be added to the number one contenders match, making it a triple threat.  Stephanie announces that The Miz and Morrison will be taking on…

Shane interrupts, and announces the opponents as HBK and Rey Mysterio.  Stephanie says that RAW is her show.  She says that Shane’s always tried to stab her in the back, but she’ll be damned if he can ruin her show.  Shane says that he’s here tonight to have fun and to make RAW better.  Steph says in that case he should jump back in his Ferarri and go back to NYC.  She says Shane can run the corporation, but she’s going to run the show.  Shane asks if she really wants to run RAW, or if she wants to sleep with another Superstar and find a new husband, which earns him a slap.  Shane says that if she wants to run RAW, he’ll watch her run it right into the ground.

King and Cole look speechless, but they’re not, they reiterate that Cena is here.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

ECW’s Miz and Morrison are here and set for tag team action…

Booyakah Booyakah…  Oh, oh, Shawn!

Didn’t I just see this match a week ago?  Oh well, it was probably the highlight of the show, so here we go again…

Shawn Michaels & Rey Mysterio def. Miz & Morrison

As the match starts, we cut to JBL entering his limo.  He tells his driver, “let’s go.”  The driver says he thinks there’s a match going on.  JBL says he doesn’t pay him to think, he pays him to drive.  The driver does as he’s told, as JBL, complete with suit and theme music, enters the arena.  He sits back on the hood of his car, and we go to a…


My remote doesn’t want to cooperate as we come back from break.  Miz took our Mysterio during the break, and Miz & Morrison work over HBK.  HBK kind of slithers along the ropes and tags in Mysterio, turning the tide in his team’s favor.  Mysterio eliminated both Miz and Morrison last night at the Survivor Series.  He connects with the 619 on Miz, but as he goes to climb the ropes, Morrison stops him.  HBK goes after Morrison, but eats steel post for his troubles, as Miz goes after Mysterio.  Mysterio manages to pull off a Sunset Flip Powerbomb to pin The Miz.

After the match, Morrison assaults Mysterio, then Michaels.  JBL comes to the ring, and kicks… John Morrison!  HBK looks confused as JBL walks up the ramp.

Still to come, half of Evolution and the guy that another quarter of the group beat at WrestleMania X-8 in Toronto face off in a triple threat match!


Todd Grisham wants to know why JBL attacked Morrison.  JBL says he made HBK an offer, and expects HBK to accept.


Mr. Kennedy is here, not to compete, but to address the crowd, which means he’ll probably say his name a bunch of times.  He says that he’s got a movie coming out (on DVD), called Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia.  He explains the movie to us (it’s the Marine with a Navy guy instead of a Marine).  Kennedy took a camera crew to the line to get in to Survivor Series last night.  He asked which Superstar reminds you of Barack Obama.  Answers include Triple H, John Cena, Carlito, Kofi, Shelton Benjamin, Cryme Tyme, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, The Rock, and Vince McMahon among others.  This is a pretty stupid segment.  Kennedy was surprised that a certain superstar wasn’t mentioned.  Which means, I’m going to fast forward through Kennedy saying his name…

Todd Grisham is with Batista.  I don’t care.  Fast Forward time, because we know Batista’s going to give a boring ass promo about how he’s an animal and is going to be unleashed.  While I’m at it, I’ll fast forward through this…


The Slammy Awards are back – two weeks from tonight on another three hour RAW.  Ugh.

There’s an Intercontinental Championship Number One Contendership Tournament.  Ugh.

Pat Patterson is joining The King and Michael Cole on commentary.  Really, he’s here to promote the new Intercontinental Championship DVD.

Kofi Kingston is out to participate in the tournament.  His opponent is… KANE!

Kofi Kingston vs. Kane

It’s alliteration night on RAW, kids!  First we had Miz and Morrison against Michaels and Mysterio, and now we’ve got Kofi Kingston vs. Kane after a promo from Ken Kennedy.  Kofi holds his own against the Big Red Machine, using his quickness to counter the big man’s power.  Kane got himself disqualified by not adhering to the referee’s five count while pulling Kofi across the ringpost.

After the match, Kane attacks Kofi with the steel steps.  Stephanie McMahon tells Kane he has two choices.  He can beat up Kofi, or he can take out his aggression on John Cena next week.  Kane thinks the latter is a pretty good idea, so it’s official, Kane vs. Cena next week.


WWE Slam of the Week: Randy Orton tags himself in and RKOs an unsuspecting Batista to pick up the win for himself and Cody Rhodes.

Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring.  He’s followed out by Randy Orton, then Batista, and we’re ready for Triple Threat action.

Chris Jericho def. Batista and Randy Orton to become the Number One contender for John Cena’s World Heavyweight Championship at Armageddon.

It’s getting late, and I’m tired – not to mention that I really don’t give a crap about this match (good job keeping my interest, WWE) – I’m fast forwarding most of it.  Batista hits a Spinebuster on Orton and reverses a Codebreaker from Jericho, but can’t capitalize, allowing Jericho to cinch in the Walls of Jericho.  Orton attacks Jericho to break the hold, then hits his neck/back breaker combo, before going for the punt, but Batista spears him.  Jericho dropkicks Batista out of the way and pins Orton to become the number one contender!


Santino is in the ring, and he takes the microphone.  He says that he’s the greatest IC Champion of all the times, so he’s upset about not being featured in either the History of the Intercontinental Championship DVD or the IC title tournament.  But the person who made the biggest mistake of all is the hater who challenged Santino to a match tonight.

That person is… Goldust.

We saw Cody briefly earlier, here’s Dustin… Come on, Dusty, where are you?  Come on out.

Goldust def. Santino Marella

Both men play their characters to perfection in the match, which makes it very entertaining.  After some shenanigans early on, Goldust picks up the win with the Final Cut – no, not The Big Show’s old finisher, Goldust’s Final Cut.

WWE Rewind: Evan Bourne was assaulted by Mike Knox last week on RAW.


CM Punk is in the ring when we get back, and William Regal is making his way down there, with Layla and the Intercontinental Championship in tow.  He gives Punk an impressed look, as Punk eliminated Regal in mere seconds last night.  Punk’s opponent tonight in the Intercontinental Title Tournament is Snitsky.

CM Punk def. Snitsky

Regal on commentary explains that we have a title tournament because he only wants to face the best of the best.  He says he hopes Punk wins.  Punk gets caught in a Snitsky bearhug for what seems like an eternity.  He gets out, but gets caught in it again.  Punk gets out again, and finally starts to mount some offense.  Snitsky manages to get Punk in the bearhug a third time.  God damn, did he make it to the WWE solely on the fact that he can hold a bearhug for five minutes?  Punk finally puts everybody out of their misery with the GTS, pinning Snitsky to advance in the tournament.

William Regal says he’s proud of Punk, standing up and applauding him.

Todd Grisham is backstage with Rey Mysterio.  Apparently he’s facing The Miz in the IC Title Tournament.  Rey shills the DVD.  I don’t care (though I want the DVD!), so hell… well, I was going to say “hello fast forward button,” but Rey is confronted by Mike Knox, who just glares at him and walks away.


DX is shilling WWE Christmas Merch.

Beth Phoenix leads a team of Divas, which also includes Jillian Hall and Katie Lea Burchill, to the ring for six Diva tag team action.  Beth brags about leading the RAW Divas to victory last night.  Jillian interrupts and says she’s excited because in two weeks, the Slammy Awards are back.  She’s sure she’s going to be nominated for a lot of awards, and she’s going to put together the best musical performance, and asks Beth and Katie to be backup dancers.  Katie obliges, Beth looks on in disgust, we go to a…


The opposing Diva team comes out seperately, starting first with Mickie James, followed by Candice Michelle, who for some reason has Melina’s titan tron video instead of her own for a minute.  Way to spoil it, Titan Tron Tech Guy.  The third partner is Melina, who is returning to action after several months off from an ankle injury.

Melina, Candice, and Mickie def. Jillian, Katie Lea, and Beth Phoenix

I honestly didn’t pay much attention to this match, but what I did notice is that Melina hasn’t missed a step.  She picks up the win for her team, pinning Katie Lea.

Chris Jericho bumps into Stephanie McMahon, who wants to know where he’s going.  He says he’s going to be John Cena’s welcoming comittee.


Jericho comes out and goes on a spiel.  Cena, in the hallway of the arena, interrupts and says that Jericho has lost his grip on reality.  He says that the people don’t like a guy like Jericho telling them they’re not good enough.  Cena says that the problem with Jericho being a one man welcoming party is he brought, like, thousands of friends – all of whom appear to be under the age of 12.  Cena enters the arena through the crowd.  Here’s a transcript of the promo:

Cena: Blah blah blah blah blah fans pay to cheer blah blah blah.

Jericho: Blah blah blah blah, I beat…

Cena: You beat this guy, that guy, blah blah blah.

Jericho turns to leave, and Cena says that it’s alright, because he’ll just beat him up at Armageddon.  Cena says that Jericho’s a good wrestler.  The difference between the two of them is that Cena respects the fans.  Cena says that him being World Champion proves that the Goonies are good enough.  Jericho says that he’s the champ, not Cena.  Cena doesn’t intimidate or impress him, and at Armageddon, Jericho is going to take his title, because Cena’s nothing but a liar and a hypocrite, just like all the fans.  At Armageddon, Jericho will prove that Cena is nothing more than a flash in the pan.  He says that Cena is nothing more than a worm, a coward of a man, and he…

Well, we don’t know what else, because Cena beat the living hell out of Chris Jericho.  Cena holds the belt high as Kane watches from a monitor in the back, ready to take on Cena next week on RAW.

This show felt like it was on for an eternity, with most of that eternity having CM Punk trapped in a Snitsky bearhug.  I was hoping that Cena’s return would bolster the show, but it wasn’t a good show at all.  Santino vs. Goldust was the best match on the show, from an entertainment standpoint anyway.  Hopefully ECW will be better tomorrow night.

Post by thinksojoe

The founder of BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s parent company, Fropac Entertainment, ThinkSoJoE has been a wrestling fan since he first saw WWF television in 1986 at the age of four. His first wrestling memory was Hulk Hogan on Saturday Night’s Main Event talking about getting King Kong Bundy in a cage at WrestleMania 2. Sixteen years later, he met Hulk Hogan on the eve of WrestleMania X-8. On December 9, 2013, he legitimately won a Slammy Award (Best Crowd of the Year). ThinkSoJoE currently hosts the weekly BWF Radio podcast.

All posts by thinksojoe | thinksojoe on Twitter | thinksojoe on Facebook

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

RSS Feeds

Posts by Category