You guys should feel special. I’m home, and Metalocalypse is on, yet I’m gearing up to fire up the DVR and cover WWE RAW. The Slammy Awards were presented tonight and there were several matches to go along with them. I’m not in a creative writing mood at the moment, so let’s just jump right into the action!
RAW results and thoughts, after the jump!
We’re treated to a special opening video package promoting the Slammy Awards at the beginning of the broadcast. The RAW intro plays, and we are officially underway, live from Philadelphia.
We get a rundown of the three huge matches that feature the Superstar of the Year nominees – Batista vs. Triple H, Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy, and WWE Champion John Cena vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge.
Before we get to all that, however, here to present our first award of the evening, Maria and Festus. Festus is dressed in overalls with a tie.
Tag Team of the Year:
BoredWrestlingFan.com prediction: Miz and Morrison
Winners: The Miz and John Morrison
Miz and Morrison make their way out to accept the award, and are celebrating as if they just won the Super Bowl. Miz yells at Maria to kiss his hand. He then moves Festus’ mouth and misquotes Forrest Gump – “I may not be a smart man, but I do know what love is.” They then give their acceptance speech, mocking President Elect Obama’s victory speech before they go on to speak their catch phrases. Morrison’s music hits, and he heads down to the ring for Intercontinental Championship Tournament action!
CM Punk def. John Morrison to advance to the IC Title Tournament Finals
While watching this match earlier, somebody mentioned how he never gets tired of seeing Punk and Morrison wrestle, even a year and a half after Punk and Morrison – then named “Johnny Nitro,” faced off for the ECW Championship at Vengeance: Night of Champions. I can’t help but agree. After some good back and forth action between the two men, we hit our first…
During the break, Punk landed awkwardly on his ankle, and Morrison has been working on it ever since. Even with the bum wheel, Punk manages to fight back, even hitting a top rope hurricanrana. The back and forth action continues, as Punk goes for a roundhouse kick, Morrison ducks out of the way and comes around with a back heel kick of his own. Morrison reverses a G2S into a rollup for a damned close two count, but afterward, Punk kicks him in the face and finally hits the Go 2 Sleep, picking up the victory. He’ll face either Kofi Kingston or Rey Mysterio in the tournament finals at Armageddon.
In case you missed it: Last week on RAW, Chris Jericho, Cody Rhodes, Manu, and Randy Orton assaulted John Cena at the end of the show.
Backstage, John Cena mocks Chris Jericho’s promo from last week. He apologizes for Jericho’s son liking Cena more than his own father. Cena babbles on for a bit longer, the gist of which is that he’s going to get Jericho tonight. I didn’t give a crap when I saw it live earlier, I still don’t now.
Here to present the award for best finishing maneuver, Cryme Tyme and Candice Michelle. JTG looks like a cross between Jay Lethal and Flava Flav. Shad is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Nice dress attire there, guys.
Best Finishing Maneuver
BoredWrestlingFan.com prediction: The Shooting Star Press
Winner: The Shooting Star Press
Cryme Tyme tried to steal the Slammy, but Candice got them to give it back. Evan Bourne couldn’t make it tonight, so Candice was going to accept the award on his behalf. Mike Knox didn’t think that was such a good idea, and came out to take the award away.
Randy Orton, like myself, feels that winning the main event at WrestleMania and holding the WWE Championship, not to mention having beaten all of the nominees, should have earned him a Superstar of the Year nomination. Well, Randy’s going to get him some of the nominees tonight – he, along with Manu and Cody Rhodes, will challenge Triple H and Batista to a 3 on 2 handicap match.
Still to come: Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy and John Cena taking on Edge.
MVP says he’s better than the World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies. He’s going to win tonight, and become a dynasty.
One, two, you hear the clock tickin”
Guess who! It’s the man who won Best Impersonation in the Slammys, Chalie Haas, dressed as M.V.C.
MVC def. MVP
MVP actually got in most of the offense in this match, hitting most of his usual spots, even dusting off the Ballin’ Elbow. After tossing MVC out of the ring, MVP took his eyes off of his match, taking a moment to show off to the Philadelphia Phillies, who are ringside. Back in the ring, Charlie starts to take over, hitting a series of MVP’s moves, only to have his attempt at the Ballin’ Elbow thwarted. MVP went for the driveby kick in the corner, but MVC ducked out of the way, rolling MVP up for the victory!
Up next, Most Extreme Moment
Here to present the award for Extreme Moment of the Year, Tiffany, and the ECW Champion, Matt Hardy. Both are dressed nicely, and Matt tries to suck up to the crowd, saying it’s nice to be in the birthplace of Extreme
Most Extreme Moment
BWF Prediction: Jeff Hardy Swantons Orton from the RAW set
Winner: Jeff Hardy’s Swanton from the RAW set
Jeff says that he went from wrestling on trampolines, to this Sunday, where whether he walks, crawls, or is carried out of the arena, he’s going to leave with the WWE Championship. He then makes his way to the ring. He’s in action against Chris Jericho, NEXT!
Chris Jericho def. Jeff Hardy
The match is in progress when we come back. There’s a sign in the crowd that says “I know 1,005 holds!” ARMBAR! Anyways, I digress. These guys had a hell of a match back on March 10th for the Intercontinental Championship, in what was Jeff’s last match before his sixty day suspension, that I personally felt would be a MOTY candidate, and still think it should have been. This match isn’t as good as that one was, but that doesn’t mean that the two men disappoint. After a back and forth matchup, Jericho missed a Swanton, followed by Jericho hitting the Lionsault for two. Jericho goes for the Walls, but Hardy powers out. Jericho tries again, and Hardy rolls him up for two. Hardy follows up with the pendulum dropkick. After another back and forth exchange, Jeff hits a Whisper in the Wind for a two count. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Jericho reverses into the Codebreaker, picking up the victory.
After the match, Jericho looks around as he leaves, paranoid that John Cena could be around any corner waiting to strike.
Orton, Rhodes, and Manu are backstage, leaving Stephanie McMahon’s office.
Later on, John Cena vs. Edge.
Here to present the award for Couple of the Year, Kelly Kelly and Kane. Kelly is in a nice dress, but Kane is in his normal ring attire. Kelly says love is a wonderful thing. Kane says that the last time he was in a relationship, he Tombstoned a priest.
Couple of the Year
BWF pick: Glamarella
Winners: Edge & Vickie Guerrero
EXCUSE ME! No, Vickie, I won’t excuse you. Santino and Beth should have rightfully won this award. Vickie can’t even give her acceptance speech. The RAW fans are all over her worse than the SmackDown fans ever seem to be. She says the award means that true love prevails.
Vickie leaves, and passes Santino and Beth on her way out. Before going to the ring, however, they stop at the Slammy podium. He says “Take Vickie. Please, I’m begging somebody to take Vickie.” Beth never hated him or threatened to have The Undertaker to send him to hell. They’ve challenged any of the other couples to a match. Glamarella head to the ring, and they’re in action, NEXT!
Hornswoggle & Finlay def. Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix
Hornswoggle is rocking a unibrow to mock Santino. They put Hornswoggle’s hat on Beth. She drops it and steps on it, then slaps Finlay, who in turn slaps Santino. Santino demands to start the match, and winds up getting DDTed and Tadpole Splashed by Hornswoggle, giving Finaly and Hornswoggle the win!
After the match, Beth tries to help Santino up in the ring. Meanwhile, it’s time for another award.
Here to present the Diva of the Year, Melina and ECW GM Teddy Long.
Diva of the Year
BWF Prediction: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix
Upon hearing that she won, Beth drops Santino and heads up to the podium to accept her award. She then stares down Melina for a moment, then accepts the award on behalf of all the dominant Divas across the world. She then shoves Melina, and the two start brawling. Beth gains control and Santino stands around proud of his woman. Until Melina shoves Beth back, causing her to hit Santino in the scrotial area once again.
It’s official, Batista vs. Triple H is now Batista teaming with Triple H to take on Orton, Rhodes, and Manu.
In case you missed it (part two) – JBL made HBK an business offer last week.
Here to present the OMG Moment of the Year, Joey Styles and Alycia Fox. An E-C-Dub chant breaks out. Anyways, these are the moments that would make you say (Joey Styles impersonation) OH MY GOD!
OMG Moment of the Year
BWF Prediction: CM Punk wins World Championship
Winner: CM Punk wins World Championship
Punk runs down his accomplishments through this year, and he says that he’s ready to win the IC Championship. He then thanks Batista and Edge, before breaking out a list. He runs through a list of names, including “Big ups to Scotty Goldman” and “Rocky Balboa.” He says that before the year is over, he’ll have a lot more moments that’ll make you say… then he runs off camera and comes back with Joey Styles in tow. As he was saying, he wants to have a lot more moments that make you say, (Joey Styles impersonation) “OH MY GOD!”
Rey Mysterio def. Kofi Kingston to advance to the finals of the IC Title Tournament
Rey’s elbow is taped up, and he’s favoring it throughout the match. That’s amazing, considering it was supposedly his wrist that he hurt. Kofi is no fool, he targets the arm. This is a great back and forth match, albeit a short one, with Mysterio picking up the win with a quick rollup. After the match, the two shake hands in a rare display of sportsmanship. At Armageddon, it will be Punk vs. Mysterio. Now I really want to call in sick on Sunday and find me a scalper outside of the HSBC Arena.
Up next, Match of the Year!
Here to present the award for Match of the Year, Eve Torres and Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy says that every match is a MOTY candidate when it’s got a certain somebody involved in it. The microphone lowers, and he announces himself as MISTEERRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDYYYYYYYY!, allowing Eve to do the extra “Kennedy!”
Match of the Year
BWF Prediction: HBK vs. Ric Flair, WrestleMania 24
Winner: HBK vs. Ric Flair, WrestleMania 24
HBK comes out to accept. He says that his match with Flair will always hold a special place in his heart. Flair is his friend, and the man who inspired HBK to get into the business. He wants Ric to know that he meant what he said at the end of the match. He loves him. JBL comes out to interrupt. JBL accepts the award for himself. JBL beating John Cena at the Great American Bash makes him deserving of the award. HBK looks sad, and just takes the award envelope as he leaves.
Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, & Manu def. Batista & Triple H
Batista and The Game start off dominating Rhodes and Manu. Orton tries to sneak up on them, but they catch him and he rolls out of the ring, and we roll into…
We come back to see Randy Orton in control of Triple H. The Game tries to battle back, but can’t. The heel trio utilize quick tags and cut off Triple H from Batista. The Cerebral Assasin causes some separation from Cody Rhodes, getting the hot tag in to Batista, who hits a spinebuster on Manu. He goes for the Batista Bomb, but decides to throw Manu at the incoming Cody Rhodes instead. Orton gets a blind tag and sits outside of the ring until he comes in and tries to RKO Batista. Batista blocks it and goes for a Batista Bomb, but Rhodes hits him from behind, leaving him prone for an RKO, giving Orton and his team the victory!
Later tonight, John Cena takes on Edge. Also, Superstar of the Year.
Here to present the award for “DAMN!” Moment of the Year, Mickie James and Ron Simmons
“Damn!” Moment of the year
BWF Prediction: Punk attacks Chavo Guerrero while dressed as a Mariachi band leader.
Winner: The Khali Kiss Cam
Khali is dressed to the nines, and he says that awards are a frivolous thing, and that we shouldn’t be so obsessed with posessions. He also says it’s more important to focus on the depletion of our natural resources so our children will have a brighter future. He goes to leave but turns around to see Mickie James. She says that he had her at “The Great Khali Says.” Khali leans in for a kiss, and Jillian comes out to seranade them with Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.” Kung Fu Naki and Howard Finkel come out and start swaying to the music along with Ranjin Singh. Sgt. Slaughter and Hacksaw Jim Duggan come out and wave flags as The Great Khali picks up Mickie and starts making out with her. There’s only one word that Ron Simmons can think of to describe this. “DAMN!”
Later on, Edge vs. John Cena. Also, who is the Superstar of the Year?
In case you missed it rewind: John Cena was assaulted by Cody Rhodes, Manu, Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton last week on RAW.
R-Truth is here, and he’s performing his Slammy Winning hit, “WHAT’S UP!?” His opponent would like to introduce himself. His name is Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph Ziggler def. R-Truth via count out.
Ziggler had a strong showing last week against Batista last week. He puts on a great showing here tonight against R-Truth. A clothesline to the outside from R-Truth sets up the end of our match. Truth delivers a slingshot dive onto Ziggler, and the two fight to get back in the ring. Truth is back on the apron at 8, but Ziggler springs up and kicks him off, then dives in the ring himself, giving himself the win.
After the match, Ziggler introduces himself as the winner.
Up next – Superstar of the Year!
Here to present the award for Superstar of the Year, Stephanie McMahon.
Superstar of the Year
BWF Prediction: Edge
Winner: Chris Jericho
Jericho is looking over his shoulder as he comes to accept his award. He says “first of all,” but then leaves the podium and comes to the ring, looking over his shoulder the whole time. When he gets there, Slammy in hand, he says he’s exstatic that none of us could cast votes to decide the winners. We’re all sheep and steered in whatever direction we’re told to be in. We’re easily influenced. Hey, he just described the Cyber Sunday voting process! Jericho knew he’d be the Superstar of the year, because he’s the best thing in the business today, and we’re going to listen to his accolades that he’s acquired over the last twelve months. He runs off his accomplishments, and then tells us that he lost something. He lost his Y2J persona, and he couldn’t be happier about it. He can’t think of a better way to cap off his year than by defeating John Cena at Armageddon. Speaking of Cena, his theme music hits, and Jericho turns toward the aisle, as the World Heavyweight Champion runs down and after his Armageddon opponent. Jericho escapes through the crowd, and Edge’s music hits. The WWE Champion, minus the beard, makes his way to the ring, and we’re gonna have a Champion vs. Champion match!
John Cena vs. Edge ended in a no-contest
These guys have had some classic battles in recent years, this shouldn’t disappoint. We get started, but early on, we get a..
Edge is working over the injured neck of the World Heavyweight Champion John Cena when we come back. Cena won’t quit though, and he starts to battle back, hitting the throwback, but then running straight into a big boot from the WWE Champion. Edge sets up for a spear, but Cena counters with a shoulderblock, then hits a Proto-bomb, followed by a five knuckle shuffle. Cena goes for an FU but Edge counters. Cena tries again, Edge counters again, and then a third time. Cena hooks in the STFU, but Cena sees Jericho coming down the aisle and cuts him off on his way as the bell rings.
Cena and Jericho battle into the crowd, and Triple H goes after Edge in the ring. Jeff Hardy joins the fray, taking down Triple H and then attacking Edge. Triple H dumps Hardy outside and hits Edge with the Spinebuster, clotheslining the WWE Champion out of the ring and standing tall in the ring. Hardy does a springboard dropkick on Edge off of the steel steps, and Edge hightails it out of the arena. Triple H stands tall as RAW goes off the air.
My thoughts: Alright guys, I’m gonna keep this short. My wrists are killing me from so much typing over the course of the day. My main issue with tonight’s show is that the SmackDown title match got to further it’s story to end the show, rather than giving any kind of closure to the RAW title match storyline going into Armageddon this Sunday. Whatever, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
Credit where it’s due, this was the best episode of RAW in a long time. I don’t expect it to extend into next week though…
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!