What’s up folks, welcome to our RAW review.  We promise not to bite your ear off or eat your children, but we can’t promise you that RAW’s guest host, Mike Tyson, won’t.  I’m not sure what else is going on tonight, but I’d expect some interaction between DX and Tyson.  Ready?  No?  Too bad, let’s go!

The song is called “Burn It To The Ground.”  Why give Tyson’s crazy ass any ideas?

Mike Tyson is here.  He says it’s great to be back on Monday Night RAW.  Last time he was here, it was a memorable experience.

Video: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin shoves Mike Tyson

The fans are chanting “you still suck.”  Tyson says it’s nice to be here.  He’s interrupted by the music of the WWE Champion, Sheamus.  The Whitest Man on the Planet makes his way to the ring where the Baddest Man on the Planet is standing.  Time for an epic promo, I’d guess.  Sheamus wonders if he heard right when Tyson was one of the most iconic sports figures of the 20th Century.  Tyson says it’s a matter of opinion.  Sheamus calls him a washed up ex-champion.  Sheamus is the WWE Champion, and that makes him the Baddest Man on the Planet.  Tyson shoves him.  Sheamus dares him to do it again.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy Orton heads down to the ring.  He says he’s not interested in creating a SportsCenter moment, he’s interested in the WWE title.  Sheamus doesn’t have an opponent at the Royal Rumble, and Orton thinks he should be named number one contender, and he thinks Tyson should do it soon.


The former WWE Champion, John Cena joins the party.  Tyson bobs his head to Cena’s music, and Mr. Orange Soda says he came to see Mike Tyson.  He’s here for the WWE Championship.  Sheamus tells Cena again that he won’t get a title shot at the Royal Rumble.  Cena makes fun of his accent, then points out that the last time they wrestled, Sheamus lost.  As a matter of fact, Cena’s beaten everybody here, including Mike Tyson.  It took all of his youth, and he had to beat up Glass Joe, King Hippo, Piston Honda (twice), then Super Macho Man, and then it took two years, but he beat Mike Tyson.  If anybody deserves a shot at the WWE Championship, you’re looking at him.

S.O.S I hear them crying

Kofi Kingston arrives.  Orton says he beat Kingston last week, so he’s not a part of this discussion.  Kingston says he’s right, but Cena and Orton have both been WWE Champion, while Kofi hasn’t even had a shot.  He’s not going to sit around and wait for his opportunity (the crowd starts chanting “Cena Sucks,” followed by “Randy”).  Kingston says he wants a shot and won’t take no for an answer.  Sheamus says he’s got a simple way to solve this.  Sheamus says Tyson had months between title defenses, and since he’s a better champion than Tyson anyway, he wants the Rumble off.  As for the other three guys, they need to go to the Rumble and earn it, like everybody else.  Tyson says he never ducked a fight, and if the three guys in the ring want a shot, they’ve got a Triple Threat Shot, and the winner will face Sheamus for the WWE Championship at The Royal Rumble.  Cena name drops some other characters from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, and we’ve got ourselves a match for tonight.

Later: Will there be retribution for Mr. McMahon’s actions last week?


@NiKiharu BURN IT TO THE GROUND TONIGHT! .. can I burn it with Mike ‘Ear Nibbler’ Tyson in the building?

@leecarter77 Disappointed they didn’t use Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” for Tyson’s theme music. #wwe #raw #BWF

@SABOTAGEcirca84 My God…u gotta love Mike Tyson’s lisp. Sounds like “the most dangerous homosexual on the planet”, but I wouldnt tell Iron Mike that.

It’s time for another match in the WWE Diva’s Championship tournament.  Up first, it’s time for Scrawny Bitch Theater on USA.  Kelly Kelly “looks like a roller derby reject,” according to PaintFingers, and she’s taking on another scrawny bitch who used to waste 10 minutes of the 60 minute ECW program by dancing, Alicia Fox.

Alicia Fox def. Kelly Kelly

I think I actually heard an old school “She’s A Crack-Whore” chant break out before Fox powerbombed Kelly for the victory.

Still to come: John Cena vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton in a triple threat match.


@wwffan7385 Kelly vs Alicia in the Divas Tournament Quarterfinal now. No talent at all in the ring!

@mickie_jamesfan why in the hell does alicia fox need all that hair someone give that girl a voucher for a free cut and emergency straighten

@SMARKRAGE: Alicia fox’s weave actually won the match #bwf #wwe

@Graelam Kelly Kelly, so blonde she has to say her name twice to remember it… Just Sayin’ 😉 #BWF

Last week: John Cena did somethingorother.  It had to do with football.

It’s a new day…

A favorite of our followers on Twitter, Legacy, make their way to the ring.  They take microphones, and they remind us that they, along with Randy Orton were three of the last four guys in the ring at the Royal Rumble.  DiBiase says it’s his turn this year.  He plugs The Marine 2 as being superior to the original Marine in every way, and Rhodes says his 5th grade graduation video is superior to the original Marine.  Ted says his point is that he’s going to win the Royal Rumble.  They’re interrupted by Mark Henry’s music, and apparently he’s teaming with Evan Bourne tonight.  Wonder what MVP thinks of that.

Legacy vs. Mark Henry and Evan Bourne

Michael Cole makes himself useful and reminds us that there’s a bit of history to this match – Rhodes beat Henry and DiBiase beat Bourne a couple of weeks ago.  Legacy picked up the win in this one when Rhodes pinned Bourne after the CrossRhodes.

DX is backstage wearing DX football jerseys.  Triple H asks HBK if he really wants to do this – Bret Hart was one thing, but Mike Tyson?  HBK says he wants to make peace with Mike Tyson.  Triple H says that Mike Tyson is insane.  He’s certifiable.  He’s the man that Knocked HBK out for four years.  HBK says he saw the documentary, he thinks Tyson’s a changed man.


@Brookiasi Wow…nice PINK tie Cena. Did Randy pick that out for you?


@dasharpshooters: I can just picture Dusty and Sapphire going crazy for Cody at his 5th grade graduation lol #wwe #raw #bwf

@shyguy_2004 I’m trying to figure out if Mark Henry caused that earthquake we just had here. lol. #wwe #raw

@cmpg Guest Host Next Week is HBK’s receding hair line so that HBK can make amends with it too. #WWE #RAW #BWF

HBK is backstage with Mike Tyson, and he’s trying to get closure with Mike Tyson.  HBK forgives Tyson for knocking him out at WrestleMania 14.  Tyson says he enjoyed that and didn’t regret it.  He’d love to do it again.  Jericho enters the room and tells HBK that Tyson doesn’t like him.  HBK reminds Jericho that he was banned from RAW twice.  Jericho says he talked to Tyson and they became friends.  Tonight, DX will be in action, and if DX loses, Jericho can stay on whatever show he wants for as long as he wants.  Tyson says it’s DX against Chris Jericho and Mike Tyson.  Great.  A boxer wrestling.  Fun.  HBK says he still owes Tyson one.

Michael Cole is overly excited about this news.  Almost as excited as he was last week.

Last week: Bret Hart returned to the WWE and got kicked in the balls by Vince McMahon.


@ladyravnos316 #WWE #raw dx vs tyson&Jericho : who else smells a freaking setup??!!!

@VanityMayhem Why do i have they feeling. Mike is going to punch Chris and help DX?

@KRUZ8ER Jericho = ratings

Jack Swagger is here and has a newsflash – he’s going to win the Royal Rumble and go on the WrestleMania.  He repeats himself.  The Rumble is tailor made for somebody like Swagger.  He’s never been in a Rumble because he was defending his ECW Championship at this time last year.  Nobody on any show can eliminate him, and he’ll put his money where his mouth is.  He’s issuing an All-American American American American challenge (that’s seriously what he said).  If anybody can toss him over the top rope, they can come out and try.  The King tells Cole to give it a try, but Santino comes out.  He says it’s embarrassing, because he was going to issue the All Italian Italian challenge to see if somebody could throw him over the top rope.  He’s got an idea, he’ll drop Swagger like a bicycle with no kickstand.

Santino vs. Jack Swagger

Santino picks up the win, pulling Swagger over the top rope.

Later: Chris Jericho and Mike Tyson take on DX

NEXT!: Triple Threat action with WWE Championship implications!


@AlyKat_730 … Okay… There’s an hour (over an hour) left… if Miz is not here… I’m going to eat someone’s ear worse than Tyson could ever think.

@BrokenIntntionZ Jack Sylvester Swagger


Randy Orton is out first for this Triple Threat match.  The winner gets a shot at Sheamus’ WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble.  Kofi Kingston is out next, followed by Cena, who is being universally hated on by the fans tonight.

Randy Orton def. Kofi Kingston and John Cena in a Triple Threat match

Kingston and Cena work over Orton, and after Kingston dumps Orton out of the ring, Cena and Kingston look to lock up, but notice the WWE Champion Sheamus standing at the top of the ramp, a distraction that allows Orton to get the upper-hand.


@BradMilner If Cena doesn’t win or at least isn’t pinned does that end his vow to not lose till winnning the title? #WWE

@HardyacArrestV1 I would rather see this match the main event then bloody DX vs Jericho & Tyson.

@JermaineTaylor If Randy Orton win this match, I’ll ve happier than a Crackhead gettin’ they first hit lol.

@elimcfly88 Kofi Johnson and John Chena in the ring for a shot at the triple threat who wins and gets a world title championship match!

During the break, Cena was dropped face first onto the announce table.  Meanwhile, Orton has Kingston in the chinlock of doom.  Cena tries to get back in but is dropped by Orton’s elevated DDT.  Kingston hits a cross body off the top rope for a two count on Orton.  Orton hits the back/neckbreaker on Kingston and Cena hits a bulldog on Orton.  Kingston hits the SOS on Orton for two.  He goes for the Boom Drop, but Cena hits a drop toehold and puts Kingston in the STF.  Orton breaks up the hold.  Cena his a pair of shoulderblocks and a Protobomb on Orton and follows it up with the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Orton, but Kingston saves Orton and goes off on Cena.  He hits the Boom Drop on Cena, followed by the Trouble in Paradise, knocking Cena out of the ring.  Cody Rhodes attacks Cena on the outside, then distracts the referee.  Ted DiBiase comes in and attacks Kingston.  Orton hits the RKO and picks up the victory!

Josh Matthews is a tool, and he’s with Mike Tyson.  Hornswoggle interrupts.  Tyson says he’ll tear Hornswoggle’s intestines out and jumprope with them if he sees him during his match tonight.

@robbyfischer #bwf How is Kofi hanging on? A blown submission couldn’t make anyone tap out.

@jacob_burman Mike Tyson going to tear up little Horny HAHAHAHA. WWE is having fun tonight. Go Tyson!!!!

@secretagentg Orton equals hotness…Dibiase equals hotness…Rhodes…well two out of three ain’t bad

@DelicateKTheory Hooked on Phonics didn’t work for Mike Tyson.

Last Week: MVP won the right to face The Miz.

The Miz is backstage.  He says nobody respected him when he first came to the WWE.  Everybody wanted to get rid of him, nobody could stand him.  They made his life a living hell.  In fact, he got kicked out of the locker room for spilling some chicken on accident into a referee’s bag.  He’d have to find a place to change, a place to shower, a place to use the restroom.  JBL used to mock him, everybody wanted him to quit, but all that negativity, Miz used as fuel to become the star he is today.  He has his own locker room now.  That other locker room is for the Evan Bournes and MVPs.  The same MVP that is the number one contender for the United States Championship.  MVP will join the list of people to be publicly humiliated by The Miz.  MVP doesn’t even deserve to be in the same ring as The Miz.  If it were up to The Miz, MVP would still be in jail.  Miz doesn’t believe in second chances because he’s been perfect his whole life.  Miz says he’d rather be booed for what he is than loved for what he’s not.  He’s the reason people watch RAW, not MVP.  He’s the most captivating superstar on this brand, not MVP.  MVP comes out with his bling, but you can put diamonds on a dog but it’s still a mutt.  Everybody will respect the United States Champion, because he’s The Miz, and he’s awesome!

MVP’s music interrupts The Miz’s new theme song.  He says that he doesn’t hide his past.  He’s embraced it, because quite frankly, he doesn’t want people to make the same mistakes he’s made.  Sure, he’s got an affinity for designer labels, and he shouldn’t have to apologize for that, he’s earn it.  Just like he’s earned the respect of the WWE Universe, which The Miz hasn’t done.  He’s worked hard for his spot in this circus we call the WWE.  MVP says he’s not a mutt.  MVP starts to take off his suit as a “Miz Is Awesome” chant breaks out.  MVP says he’s a Bengal Tiger, and Miz is a monkey flinging poop.  Miz says he’ll fling some at MVP’s lips so he can taste what comes out of his mouth.  MVP says that maybe Miz thinks he’s tame because he likes the finer things in life.  MVP talks about his time in jail and how he’s survived in a world that The Miz has only seen on television.  In fact, Miz’s Real World and MVP’s real world are worlds apart.  MVP dares Miz to take a chance.  The two stare down, then a brawl breaks out.  MVP wins the battle, booting Miz out of the ring.

Video: The 2009 WWE Hall of Fame

Video: Tyson knocks out HBK at WrestleMania XIV

Still to come: Jericho & Tyson vs. DX, and will there be retribution for Mr. McMahon’s actions last week?

Those of you who are familiar with our site know by now that each and every Monday night, the last quarter of the RAW review is written by a guest host as I get ready to go to my real job.  For those of you who haven’t been here before, welcome!  Tonight’s guest host is the newest member of the BoredWrestlingFan.com staff, our resident TNAnalyst, chjpacheco!

Eve VS. Katie Lee

Quick match Eve wins with a DDT advances to face Maryse

Vinny MAC is on his way to the ring…he starts talking about Bret saying he didn’t hire extra security. Then he goes on to say that Bret screwed Bret and he doesn’t forgive and forget. He said Bret will NEVER EVER be seen in the WWE again

D-X VS. Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson

Tyson and HBK started the match out..Tyson looked  good match went both ways Hornswoggle came out and taunted Tyson then Tyson took his shirt off and he had a D-X shirt on hit Jericho on the button 1-2-3 D-X wins WOW we called it haha see you Thursday for iMPACT.

Post by thinksojoe

The founder of BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s parent company, Fropac Entertainment, ThinkSoJoE has been a wrestling fan since he first saw WWF television in 1986 at the age of four. His first wrestling memory was Hulk Hogan on Saturday Night’s Main Event talking about getting King Kong Bundy in a cage at WrestleMania 2. Sixteen years later, he met Hulk Hogan on the eve of WrestleMania X-8. On December 9, 2013, he legitimately won a Slammy Award (Best Crowd of the Year). ThinkSoJoE currently hosts the weekly BWF Radio podcast.

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