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October 13, 2008
Commentators: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Reported By: Hunter Golden B of WrestleView.com
Results after the jump!
Chris Jericho is in the back with Raw GM Mike Adamle. Adamle is surprisingly more assertive already this week. Jericho is all over him about choosing the stipulation behind his match at Cyber Sunday. Mike Adamle said it was tough cookies for him. Tonight, Batista would pick his opponent and Jericho would pick his. He thinks it’s garbage. Jericho threatened to go above his head and talk to Shane and Stephanie McMahon and get things straightened out. Adamle told him ‘good luck’ because they didn’t answer their phones during the show.
Jericho stormed out of the office and made his way down to the ring in a way to plead his case in a way they’d hear for sure. Jericho bemoaned the choices for the special guest referee and demanded that they abolish the stipulations as soon as humanly possible. He said his championship reign shouldn’t end due to a biased official. It sure as heck shouldn’t end as a result of the hypocritical fans and their cell phones. He said they were basically giving Batista the title and it was unfair.
Shawn Michaels’ music hit and he came out to the ramp and walked down to the ring. Michaels said nothing would thrill him more than to be able to come out here and tell him that if he got voted in as special guest referee on Cyber Sunday, he’d call the match down the middle. He’d like to come down and, for him, hope that he win because he could challenge and beat him for the World Heavyweight Championship. He said he’d like to tell him that, but he just couldn’t. He said the fact of the matter was that he’d make sure Cyber Sunday would be the worst Jericho’s life. He said he was going to do what John McCain and Barrack Obama wish they could do to each other and decked Jericho in the face and chased him from the ring.
Jericho stormed off to the ramp before turning around and announced that he had made his decision as to whom Batista’s opponent would be tonight…. it would be Shawn Michaels.
Rey Mysterio & Matt Hardy v. Kane & Mark Henry
Hardy came right at Mark Henry with some big right hands before trying to knock him off his feet. Henry caught him in short order though and slammed him to the mat, but whiffed on an elbow drop attempt. Hardy caught a kick to the gut and an axe handle off the second rope before connecting with a tornado DDT for a two count.
Hardy went for the twist of Fate but ran into Kane. He got a shot in on Kane, but was quickly floored by Mark Henry from behind. Kane tagged in and slammed him into the top turnbuckle before laying it in with some big shoulder thrusts. Henry tagged back in and began clubbing away with some big forearms to the back and then the shoulders. Henry slapped on a vice grip as the crowd tried to rally Hardy.
Kane tagged in and went for a cover attempt, but Hardy kicked out at two. Not wanting to let up, Kane slapped on the rear chin lock in an attempt to keep Hardy grounded. Hardy fought back a bit only to eat a right hand to the face. Hardy wiggled out of a powerslam attempt and went for a twist of fate, but Kane blocked it only to eat a DDT.
Rey Mysterio got the hot tag and flew off the top rope with a senton and a double stomp for a two count. Mysterio hit a tilt a whirl inverted DDT before knocking Henry off the apron but ended up eating a Kane right. Kane couldn’t capitalize though as Rey hit a head scissors knocking him into the ropes before connecting with a 619. Matt Hardy tried to take out Mark Henry on the outside, but Henry caught him only for Rey to come flying off the apron with a senton that took both out. Henry and Hardy brawled to the back while Mysterio went to tend to Kane.
Mysterio went to the top rope only for Kane to recover and absolutely crush him with a boot to the gut that left Rey in a heap. Kane made the cover for the three count and the win.
Winners: Kane & Mark Henry via pin fall
After the match, Kane attempted a beat down. Rey avoided a choke slam attempt and connected with some kicks and a drop kick that sent Kane out of the ring.
Todd Grisham is in the back with Batista. Batista said he respected Shawn Michaels, but if he tried to take him out tonight, he’d beat him to the punch.
JBL is out and angry about our economy. He’s ticked about his 401K and banks going under. JBL said there was a light at the end of the tunnel and then PUT OVER THE BAIL OUT! YES! JBL said his good friends Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi were making sure he’d keep his money. He said congress knew the rich should be taken care of before all else. He was the best American, the most real American…
WHATCHA GONNA DO BROTHER!!!!!!!
Charlie Haas is Hulk Hogan.
Haas Hogan v. JBL
JBL bullied Haas into the corner before slamming his head off the top buckle. Haas after like the tenth shot hulked up and gave us the “youuuu” before landing three shots to the head and a bit boot. He listened for approval but whiffed on the leg drop. JBL came off and demolished him with a clothesline from Hell and that’s over. Brother.
Winner: JBL via pin fall
The Jackass crew is in the front row and told us they are still making fun of the Great Khali. Grisham showed some choice pictures. Knoxville wants to see midgets. WTF is going on?
John Cena’s healing up. Triple H and Edge are putting him over. Now Batista.
Randy Orton’s music hits and he comes out to the ramp. He said he found it kind of funny that no one had any kind words to say about him when he got hurt. He broke his collar bone and finished his match with Triple H, but I guess he’s no John Cena… thank god. He told the people not to vote for him at Cyber Sunday. He didn’t want to be in physical peril before he came back. He said he’d be champion again and the best part about it was that no one would have any say in the matter.
Batista v. Shawn Michaels
Chris Jericho has announced that the match will be a lumberjack match. The heels are on their way down to the ring for the match.
We came back to Batista going for a bomb, but HBK rolled out of the ring into the lumberjacks. Batista went for a Batista bomb again but HBK tripped him up and slapped on a figure four. Batista was able to roll over and reverse the pressure and break the hold. Michaels went on the attack only for Batista to start clubbing away to gain an advantage. It would be incredibly short lived though as HBK caught him on a back body drop attempt before going to the legs again.
HBK landed some chops in the corner before Batista horded him to the opposite corner and began laying in bombs. Batista whipped HBK to the corner and at a big powerslam for a two count. Batista cinched in a rear choke on Michaels as the crowd tried to rally him. Michaels eventually trolled over and started to lay in some brutal punches on the mat.
Once they were back on their feet Batista reversed a whip and hit a high back body drop which earned Batista a two count. Batista went back to the choke and again, the crowd attempted to rally HBK. Batista began hammering away at Michaels back with forearms and then whipped him to the buckle but again ate a boot to the face. No one can sustain any momentum.
Batista ducked under a clothesline and connected with a big lariat for a two count before blowing another back body drop attempt. Batista went for a spine buster but HBK wiggled out and looked for sweet chin music but Batista chucked him over the top rope. HBK skinned the cat only to get nailed with a tilt a whirl slam for a two count and Batista is in shock.
Batista stalked Michaels as he staggered to his feet and dumped him to the outside and the lumberjacks are all over him. Henry slapped on a grizzly bear hug and tossed him back in the ring for another two count as we went to commercial.
Batista has HBK in a bear hug and bullies him to the corner but HBK fights out yet again. He fights Batista off with some chops before attempting a whip but Batista turns him upside down with a whip. HBK dodges the follow up and dumped Batista to the outside. Orton almost connected with a punt but Batista avoided it and fought back into the match. The two laid each other out and HBK sprang to life. Michaels scaled the ropes for the elbow but Regal climbed up onto the apron and tossed him to the mat.
The ref is counting away before both rise to their feet and Batista connects with a big spine buster. He loads Michaels up for the Batista bomb but HBK punches out. The two spill out to the outside and the lumberjacks are all over both guys. The ref is counting away and trying to get some order and both end up in the ring where the heels are spilling into the ring as the bell rings.
Winner: NO CONTEST
Batista and Michaels clear the house and both men look like they want to go at it. Both are exhausted in the ring and it’s a no contest. After the debris cleared, the two stared each other down before shaking hands.
Santino and Beth come out and it’s HONK O METER time. Santino’s there and he’s exactly a year away. As for Cyber Sunday, it was his understanding that if you text the incredibly racist term ‘honkey’, we can see him face Honkey.. or two cross dressers. All of them, perverted beyond their wildest imaginations. He says speaking of perverted, it’s the Jackasses. He invited Johnny Knoxville into the ring, assuring him he won’t put mustard on his privates.
Santino said he went to their website and asked them what they were thinking to make fun of the Great Khali. Knoxville said something about tally whakers and Beth isn’t too crazy about it. Beth botches a body slam and the crowd’s letting them hear about it. Hornswaggle shows up and gives him a tadpole splash for whatever reason. Big Dick Johnson is on his way to the ring. We’re going to get some undywear dancing. What the hell is happening.
Pontius eats some worms and it’s Khali time. Khali shows up and laughs with Knoxville for a little while and then slams him to the mat.
Shaad is with Kelly before they stumble on JTG whose ‘borrowing something’.
Miz and Morrison are showing us whose more gangsta. Jillian’s around and she knows about music. This is glorious. The paused reactions to Jillian are pretty great.
Jillian Hall, Miz & Morrison v. Kelly Kelly & Cryme Tyme
Kelly and Jillian slugged it out in the ring before Kelly flat backed Jillian with a clothesline for a two count. She hit a head scissors next and Jillian’s tagged Miz. Miz and JTG went at it with JTG gaining the early advantage with a snap mare before Jillian distracted him with some singing and Miz hit him with an STO.
Sling shot forearm and Morrison tags in and hits a splash for a two count. Morrison stomped away on JTG before planting a kick into his mid section. Morrison hit a neck breaker for a two count but JTG kicked out. On to the rear chin lock of death and the crowd attempts to rally another baby face to another comeback. JTG elbowed his way out and hit an upper cut to the face of Morrison and gets the hot tag to Shaad.
Shaad hit some clotheslines and then a big whip and back elbow punctuated with a huge one handed slam for a two count. All hell breaks loose and everyone’s in the ring now before JTG hits Morrison with a duck shaped hockey mask. Shaad makes the cover and that’s all she wrote.
Winners: Kelly Kelly & Cryme Tyme
We’re going to find out who Chris Jericho’s opponent is shortly…
Cole and King ran down the Cyber Sunday Card for us all.
Chris Jericho v. CM Punk
Batista let us all know that he’d be the special guest referee for tonight’s match.
Punk looked for a small package before hitting a series of arm drags and then summarily dumping the world champion to the outside of the ring. Jericho began to walk out towards the back but Batista chased him down and brought him back to the ring where Punk met him with a flurry of strikes, landing knees and kicks all over Jericho’s body.
Punk tied Jericho up with a tarantula in the ropes and Batista’s mocking Jericho. Punk scaled the ropes and hit a high cross body for a two count, but Jericho kicked out. Punk grabbed an arm wringer and then punted Jericho’s head into the 15th row.
Punk got a bit greedy and went to the second rope where Jericho yanked him off sending him crashing to the mat. He bad mouthed Batista a little bit before hitting a vertical suplex and a senton for a pin attempt. Batista is slow counting like crazy. Punk almost got a roll up but Jericho rolled through and connected with a step up enzeguiri.
The champion snap marred Punk to the mat and slapped on a rear chin lock as the crowd began to rally Punk. Jericho broke the hold and whipped Punk but missed the follow up and Punk began uncorking some more nasty strikes before hitting a running forearm. He missed the running knee in the corner and Jericho scooped up the legs and went for the walls, only for Punk to roll him up. Punk hit the running knee in them middle of the ropes and then the bulldog before attempting Go 2 Sleep.
Jericho wiggled out of the hold and nailed the code breaker. Batista went to count and got to two before he got something in his eye. Jericho was livid and got in the face of Batista who didn’t take it for long and Batista bombed him. Punk wiggled over and got the cover for the win.
Winner: CM Punk via pin fall
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