It’s the last stop before the final pit stop on the road to WrestleMania! Jerry Springer hosts, and the Elimination Chamber participants will be facing each other in singles competition. I’m half asleep, so screw it, let’s get started!
If you’re looking for the Westminster Dog Show, it’s on MSNBC. If you’re looking for a show hosted by a dog, you’re in the right place!
In honor of President’s Day, some local 15 year old singer is performing America The Beautiful.
Is “Burn It To The Ground” appropriate when Jerry Springer is guest hosting the show? You know, somebody might get the wrong idea.
WWE Superstars most intimate secrets revealed, tonight! Also, Bret Hart will address the WWE Universe, and Batista will respond to John Cena. But first…
It’s a shame that they lost their heads…
The WWE Champion Sheamus is curtain jerking tonight. Last Monday he cost Randy Orton a match against Cody Rhodes, but Rhodes stopped him from doing any more damage. Hey, speaking of Randy Orton, guess who the Champ’s opponent is – did you guess Randy Orton? You’re absolutely correct!
Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
Hey, didn’t we just pay for this match a little over two weeks ago? Not to say that they didn’t have a heck of a match – and hey, maybe this time we’ll get a clear cut winner, since the title isn’t on the line here.
@millersrq His holy whitness shamus…wahhhwahhhwahhh #raw #wwe #bwf
@SadieandSAFE The Wells Fargo Center in Des Moines is loud and proud tonight!! #WWE #BWF
@Saiyavenger Nothing says TVPG more than Jerry Springer and “revealing the Superstars’ most intimate relationships”. #BWF
We come back and Orton is utilizing the old Garvin Stomp, which is in the WrestleCrap Book Of Lists as a pointless move, but then Legacy make their way to the ring, distracting Orton momentarily and allowing Sheamus to take advantage. Orton doesn’t let the WWE Champion maintain that advantage for long. He hits the back/neckbreaker combo and goes for an RKO, but Sheamus ducks out of the way. On the outside, Sheamus gets rammed into the post. Orton gets back into the ring, and DiBiase tries to attack Sheamus. Sheamus decks him in the face, and Rhodes attacks Sheamus from behind, and the referee catches him. It’s Royal Rumble redux!
After the match, Rhodes gets an RKO for his failed attempt at assistance. Sheamus nails the pump kick on DiBiase, but Orton drops him with an RKO, and the viper is left standing tall over Legacy and the WWE Champion.
Still to come, Triple H takes on John Cena, but up next, Bret Hart speaks to the WWE Universe!
@AndrewJanus DIAMOND CUTTER! BANG! wait…#WWE #RAW #BWF
@TOPolk2 I’m setting the Over/Under at 3 for the number of times Bret mentions the word screwed. #WWE
@Kevin4theWin wow #WWE #Raw is pulling out all the stops early if we’re hearing from Bret Hart this early into the program this should be good though!
Video: A recap of Bret Hart attacking Mr. McMahon last week.
The Hitman is here! What? No, not Thomas Hearns, dummy, this is a wrestling show, we’re talking Bret Hart, who is here for… well, talking.
He’s not shocked that Vince McMahon isn’t here tonight. If he’d flown in, Hart would’ve been waiting for him at the airport, at the hotel, right here at the building. Hart came here to finish things once and for all with Vince McMahon. He came back to WWE to make peace with Mr. McMahon. McMahon lied to Bret, kicked him in the gut, spit in his face, lied to him again, had Batista rough him up, but all Bret can hear is Vince McMahon saying that he deserved to be screwed. Bret thinks that McMahon deserves to have the holy hell beat out of him. He had his heart set on things, but McMahon is the world’s greatest liar. He’s at the bottom of the barrel – hell, he’s underneath the barrel. Bret had his heart set on having one last victory at WrestleMania, but it’s not to be, as there’s no match with Vince McMahon. Victory will last a lifetime, but excellence will last forever. Bret just wanted to thank the WWE Superstars for wrestling here, and he wants to thank the WWE Universe for being so kind in having him back. He especially wants to thank John Cena, because in essence, for the last few weeks, Bret got to live a last few special moments he’ll never forget. He wants to thank the fans that have supported him the last couple of months. He’s going to take this opportunity right now to say goodbye. Thank you very much. Bret sets the microphone down in the center of the ring and walks away.
Backstage, Kofi Ki9ngston asks Bret if he’s sure about leaving. Jack Swagger and Alicia Fox wish him good luck, Primo says it sucks that Bret’s leaving, Gail Kim and Evan Bourne thank Bret for everything. John Cena tries to talk Bret out of leaving. Bret declines, and some woman backs her car into Bret’s limo door, catching his leg. the Superstars and the doctor rush in to check on Hart. Bret is taken away from the arena in an ambulance.
@SMARKRAGE Breaking news Bret touch the superstars in the locker room #wwe #bwf
@cmpg Didn’t Bret Hart do the leg injury before? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Saiyavenger And now Bret’s storyline has taken a turn for the hokey. #BWF
Moments Ago: Some dumb blonde backed her car into Bret Hart’s limo door.
ShoMiz get a bit of the JeriShow treatment, and the Unified Tag Team Champions are set for action. We get a recap of The Big Show and The Miz winning the titles last week. Their opponents have decided to team up again now that Triple H doesn’t have one of the tag belts – Mark Henry and MVP.
MVP & Mark Henry def ShoMiz
Miz and MVP kick things off, and Miz gets kicked out of the ring, sending us to a…
@Spydor2003 #bwf Bret not really injured somehow you will see girl who hit limo was paid off by mr.mcmahon angle been used many ways before.
@legendkiller515 awwwwww…mvp and mark henry are still wearing color coordnated uniforms #bwf but where the f**k is springer 45 mins into the show?
@PrettySlimMont ShoMiz is a omg I can’t believe this tag team. Like really? #wwe RAW #BWF
The Miz is in control as we’re reminded that ShoMiz will be on the final episode of ECW tomorrow night, defending their Unified Tag Team Championships against Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust. MVP gets the tag to Henry, who takes over on The Miz, but Miz tags in Big Show. Henry can’t lift Big Show for a bodyslam, which proves that there are several stronger men than Mark Henry – like Hulk Hogan and John Cena, for example. Henry gets the tag in to MVP, who mounts some offense against The Big Show, who tags in The Miz, who gets rolled up by MVP for the three count!
Up Next, WWE Superstars’ most intimate relationships – revealed on the Jerry Springer Show!
@YourBoyDrew: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! (Lawler) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! (Lawler)
@EvanBourneLover I swearr if Kelly Kelly is on that stupidd relationship thing wiff Springer I am gonna kill myself. She is horriblee!
@xSmootx #RAW See? How can you take someone as a double/triple champion seriously, when MVP just did that to the Miz. #MondayNightReally
Jerry Springer finally shows up for work 58 minutes into the show. His first guest is Kelly Kelly. @EvanBourneLover, we hardly knew ye. Springer hasn’t seen Kelly wrestle lately. She has a confession. She says she’s pregnant. Jerry (both of them) can’t believe it. Springer wants to know who the daddy is. She says she’s not sure. She’s been in a lot of relationships. Springer asks where to sign up. She says she might know.
IT’S-A-HE! SANTINO! (a.k.a. “Here he comes to save the shoooooooow!”)
Santino calls Springer Maury Povich, and he confesses to being papa. Springer asks Kelly if that’s true. She says that when Santino was sleeping, she needed somebody with more experience and stamina to finish the job. Michael Cole stands up and says it was there little secret. King says that she was talking about him, not Cole. Springer asks if Kelly is too old for Lawler. Santino says that if Lawler’s the father, the kid will be a screwup like Grand Master Sexay. The Bella Twins come out and say they have their own shocking confession. They saw someone else, and Nikki says that Brie is a man. Security has to hold the Bellas apart. Springer wants to know who went in the room with Kelly. Chris Masters comes out. Kelly says she couldn’t resist herself, look at those pecs. Eve comes out. She wants to know what Kelly is doing messing with her man. A catfight ensues, and this trainwreck of a segment continues. Masters says Eve wasn’t getting the job done. Eve’s got a secret too. She’s been cheating on Chris with somebody who’s a whole lot more an than Masters is. It’s The Great Khali. Or maybe it’s Ranjin Singh, since he’s there with him. Khali picks up Eve, and security holds back Masters. The crowd is dead silent. Santino wants to know who the father is. Proving he really is Maury, he has the results of the paternity test. Santino says it happened three days ago, how is that possible? Springer says it’s because he’s Jerry Springer – eat your heart out Maury. He says this can’t be right. He asks how to pronounce it – Santino reads the name – Hornswoggle! Can’t have a lame Springer skit without a leprechaun. Springer says that this is worse than his show. Leprechauns, giants, twin tranvestites and his name isn’t Maury. He’s out of here. Jerry Lawler stops him. He says they couldn’t help it. They put on this charade to freak him out, and they think it works. Kelly’s not pregnant, Brie isn’t a man, there’s been no secret Rendevouz,, and The Great Khali has no idea. Ranjin says that much like the crowd, Khali thinks this is a giant waste of time. King wants to reveal a secret relationship tonight. Not theirs, but Springer’s. Some men like skinny women, some skinny, some old, but Springer likes his women young – Mae Young! Mae comes out starts kissing Springer all the way to the back as the Superstars in the ring chant Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
We’re awaiting the arrival of Batista, who is set to respond to John Cena. Speaking of Cena, he’s facing Triple H tonight in our main event.
@AmJHPunk So all the superstars and Divas that have no story lines just bone each other??? #wwe #raw #bwf
@B_alpha_male This segment is waaaaaaaaaayy 2 long #wwe #raw #bwf
@adiraval if I was TNA I’d be counting the money during segments like that
@stevenamoney Wow. I don’t know what else to say to that segment. Just wow #WWE #RAW
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM – Kofi Kingston is in the house and ready for action! Do people still say “in the house?” Or did I just dig up an ancient relic of a slang phrase? His opponent tonight got his ass kicked by John Cena last week and he got pump kicked by Sheamus earlier tonight. His name is Ted DiBiase.
Ted DiBiase def. Kofi Kingston
Kingston hits such a powerful dropkick that it takes DiBiase’s head completely out of the match. Jim Powers would be proud. Kingston dominates, as DiBiase can’t get out of the gate in this one. Kingston nails the Boom Drop. DiBiase can barely stand, but he manages to duck out of the way of an oncoming Kingston and nail DreamStreet for the surprise victory!
Ted’s dad has already been named to the 2010 class of the Hall of Fame. Our next inductee is…
WWE Hall of Fame Inductee: Japanese legend Antonio Inoki.
@Swagsosick24 Antonio Inoki is the equivalent of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair down in Japan. He is Japan’s most decorated Champion
@theprynce Inoki! Why are the mentioning the Ali match? It was horrible… I’m digging the HOF class this year so far, though..
Earlier Tonight: Bret Hart says goodbye and then has his leg crushed.
We’ve got security camera footage. It’s in HD. How many security cameras do you know are in HD? Anyways, it shows the car hitting the limo. We haven’t gotten any further info on Bret’s condition.
Video Package: The Elimination Chamber
Jerry Springer’s Final Thought: A bunch of questions relating to the Elimination Chamber. Mae Young comes in, much to Springer’s delight. He asks us not to judge him.
Well, folks, normally at this time we’d have a guest host take over and review the rest of the show. We had a guest host lined up, but he had an emergency and wasn’t able to make it. Just as I was getting ready to concede and get the results of the rest of the show elsewhere, a tweet appeared from @rsEF14, who has written the rest of the review in tweet form. So here we go, the rest of the RAW review in 140 character or less segments!
#bwf flashback to smackdown: batista in ring. Bacsk to “live” event. Cena coming down to the ring
#bwf while cena gets his mic flashback a few weeks to the batista attack on john cena
#bwf back to raw. Cena has mic. Addresses bret hart’s condition (leg). Onto batista. Not provoked. Threats to baitsta.
#bwf cena is not going till batista comes down. 30 seconds pass no music. Live via satelite: batista. Cena makes a clothing joke
#bwf batista is doing cena a favor by not showing up. Batista says if he and cena ever wrestle cena will regret it. Cena calls him on it
#bwf cena wants him now. Batista finds it funny that john calls batista out. Batista will be at raw next week. Will give answers then
#bwf cena throws shirt into crowd, waits for hunter. Cue the music of triple h. Here he comes
#bwf hunter is on the apron, commericial. Ecw commericial for final show tomorrow night
#bwf jewel and ty murray next week guest hosts. Yee-haw! Opening bell. Tie up. Headlock on hhh
#bwf cena on top,still got headlock. Hhh goes to ropes to break. Hhh has control. Cena in corner. Gets shoulders in ribs
#bwf hhh throwing cena corner to corner. Cena reverses. Hhh reverses bulldog. Attempted stf, countered. Hhh on the outside
#bwf cena jumps off mat. Hunter sidesteps. Attempted pedegree on the outside, backdropped. Commericial
#bwf back from commericial. Hhh has sleeper on cena. Been on “fora few mins” cena close to passing out
#bwf cena is up. Shoulder block. Classic 4 move cena. 5 knuckle shuffle. Hhh counters the attitude adjustment. 2 count for hunter
#bwf cena sitting on top turnbuckle. Superplex attempt by hhh. Cena blocking, pushed hhh off. Hhh knocks cena’s legs. Ouch!
#bwf another try at a superplex. Hhh gets pushed off again. Leg drop by cena. 2 count
#bwf cena has stf. Hhh close to ropes. Got it. Slow to get up. Attitude adjustment. Hhh grabs ropes. High knee by hhh. Back and forth
#bwf spinebuster. Pedigree attempt. Sheamus comes down. Hhh KO’d cena tried attitude adjustment. Sheamus counters with a bigboot
#bwf sheamus grabs hhh and throws him across the ring. Sheamus’ music plays. Show over
Damn. That was a lot of tweets about the show. It’s also a great way to get yourself mentioned here if we didn’t catch you earlier in the night and our guest hosts can’t make it. Thanks to everybody who got mentioned tonight. I was half asleep writing the review and didn’t go as overboard searching for tweets as I normally do. Jason will be here tomorrow for the final episode of ECW!
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