WWE RAW results 3/1/10By thinksojoe · · 2 Comments
RAW is going Up In Smoke tonight as Cheech and Chong host. Randy Orton takes on Ted DiBiase, more qualifying matches for the Money In The Bank match at WrestleMania should be happening, and Bret Hart may give his farewell address to the WWE Universe. Ready? Me too! Let’s go!
Burn it to the ground – that’s what Cheech and Chong are probably doing in backstage right now, amiright?
Oh, oh Shawn!
Shawn Michaels promo: Everybody thinks he’s crazy for putting his career on the line at WrestleMania, since they figure he can’t beat The Undertaker. Shawn reckons that he can, since he’s Mr. WrestleMania. He dares anybody to tell him any different…
It’s time to play the game…
Triple H and HBK promo: Triple H knows HBK can beat The Undertaker, since he’s wrestled everybody that’s ever wrestled. HBK has no peers. Also, DX will never die, but they’ll be taking an extended hiatus. That’s why DX will face ShoMiz for the Unified Tag Team Championships – tonight! HBK won’t even have to defend the belts for 30 days, and in 28 days, they can defend them the night after WrestleMania, since HBK is going to beat The Undertaker anyway. That’s what HHH believes. HBK believes they’ve got some tag team titles to win tonight.
Cheech and Chong segment: They like their locker room, and the Bellas want to go see them on their tour. They want everybody to know they’re regular guys. Cheech leaves with the Bellas, and Hornswoggle comes in with a box of Lucky Charms. Chong trips off of the Lucky Charms.
@MissieBird #bwf if they do not let Punk and the Straight Edge Society take on Cheech and Chong this is already #fail
@PrettySlimMont HBK should be HBCan’t beat Undertaker’s streak! #wwe raw #bwf
@dasharpshooters: HHH aint been in the ring with Daniel Bryan. #Smarkcomment #wwe #raw #bwf
@AndrewJanus oh. hey. a lame skit. *yawn* #WWE #RAW #BWF
Slam of the Week: Orton takes out Legacy.
I hear voices in my head…
They’re telling me that our opening contest is the only one that was announced beforehand…
Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Orton
Speaking of Orton, I just got the Mattel Elite Randy Orton figure – it’s so detailed that if I took it out of the box I could probably read the scripture on Randy’s right arm. DiBiase outsmarts his former mentor a couple of times in this match. Cody Rhodes tries to interfere and the referee calls for the bell, this match apparently ending in a no-contest.
Following the match, Legacy attempt a beatdown, but Orton manages to fight them off, though they escape unharmed.
@robbyfischer I just misheard King saying NXT as “MXC”, probably just me though #bwf
@TKeep123 I wonder if Ted, Randy and Cody all shave their chests together? Perhaps soaping each other up? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@GrandMizard Fun Fact: Last time this match happen, Ted Dibiase almost cried. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@espnascar2924 Vintage Orton! lol #WWE #BWF
Bret Hart arrives.
Chong is hanging out with Eve – or at least he thinks. He’s on a sugar high because he’s diabetic. Eve turns out to be William Regal, and Chong things Chris Masters is Kelly Kelly, who tells him to stop staring at his chest. Cheech then eats some of the cereal and starts tripping.
Recap: John Cena is going to WrestleMania, but his opponent, Batista, beat the crap out of him last week.
@joep82 where can i get some lucky charms like that! #raw #bwf
@SadieandRISE Orton turning face??? Not gonna work for him, hope that’s not the plan! #WWE #BWF
Last week: Christian qualified for Money In The Bank
Jack Swagger gets his opportunity to join Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Kane, and Dolph Ziggler in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match, but he’s got to get through Santino Marella!
Jack Swagger vs. Santino
Well, that didn’t take long. Swagger won in mere moments.
Batista is headed to the ring…
@jenrae73 #bwf #Raw MITB Thwagger & Santino …Really Vince Really
@GrandMizard Why is Swagger in the Money in the bank match #WWE #RAW #BWF
John Cena promo: Cena doesn’t feel he was screwed, but it’s apparent to him that Vince McMahon doesn’t like him. At least he’s going to WrestleMania. He calls out Batista
I walk aloooooooooooone!
Batista comes out with security – Cena wonders why. Batista says it’s for Cena’s protection. Batista wants to face Cena at WrestleMania. Batista thinks he and Cena are the biggest starts since the Attitude Era, but for some reason, the WWE has labeled Cena as the man. That should be Batista’s honor. So he wanted to face Cena at ‘Mania to prove that he’s better than Cena is, and also because he can’t stand him. Cena says Batista is selfish. Batista agrees. Batista reminds Cena that bad things happen to him when they wrestle. Hell, last time, he broke Cena’s neck. Cena can’t beat him and he knows it.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK (everybody who used #BWF but didn’t get in the review earlier edition)>
@mitsou21 #fact we don’t care about those #raw facts… #wwe #raw #bwf
@theprynce Introducing the next Rob Halford understudy, Dave Batista! #BWF #WWE #RAW
@NiKiharu Well… here’s hoping we have wrestling instead of teh hosts getting high off leprachaun nibbles. #BWF
@_MFS_ damn it, I was hoping my DVR’s screw up had at least let me miss Cena, mute time #WWE #BWF #RAW
@millersrq #wwe #raw #bwf When did Batista join the Village people?
I found out that I had to leave 30 minutes earlier than I was expecting tonight, but luckily, frequent BWF contributor @AlyKat_730 was around and took over for us! Take it away, @AlyKat_730!
What’s up?! So, I’m taking over early, but it’s all good. I’m excited to be back, especially now that my laptop works.
WWE.com has the history of Money in the Bank, including photos of every match!! Exciting, isn’t it?
We come back to see Cheech and Chong… Sugar high? but Chavo’s with them, wearing a mustache and sombrero, saying that he feels ridiculous. Primo, Carlito, Katie Lea, and Yoshi Tatsu are all there too, with mustaches as well. Someone knocks, and a chicken is on screen in a cage, with Santino’s voice saying that a Diva’s pillow fight match is coming up soon.
Next up is a Money in the Bank Qualifiying Match! It’s Zack Ryder (Woo Woo Woo) vs. MVP. Love Zack Ryder’s theme song, by the way… it’s so catchy.
The two start with Zack Ryder with a grew good blows, but MVP gains the momentum after letting Zack runs right into the turnbuckle. Rosa is outside the ring, MVP hits Ballin’, and then hits the Playmaker, regardless of Rosa sticking her body in the ring to try to distract the ref, and is now going to Wrestlemania! Another incredibly short match, but he is joined by Christian and Jack Swagger for RAW, and Dolph Ziggler, Shelton Benjamin, and Kane from Smackdown. Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Kelly Kelly are on their way to the ring for the Divas Pillow Fight Match next.
Reminder from the Wrestlemania 26 commercial, but Wrestlemania 26 is 27 days away!! Yes I did… I-I-I I made it! … Catchy song.
Anyway, we come back to Justin Roberts telling us to welcome Cheech and Chong… whose theme is Low Rider, by the way. I don’t know which is which, so one points out that they’ve already been on for an hour and a half when the first one welcomes us to Monday Night RAW. They are here to introduce the competitors in the Diva’s Pajama Pillow Fight. It’s Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Eve Torres vs Maryse, Jillian Hall, and Alicia Fox (with one of the guest hosts singing Bad Girls. Anyway, Maryse is show boating, all the Divas gang up on each other, but Jillian is clotheslining everyone… and I have no idea if this is a tag match, or every Diva for herself… I don’t know what’s going on, and I stopped caring when Jillian started singing. Eve wins all that anyway.
After the Divas action, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring with three boxes of Lucky Charms. He shares with Cheech and Chong, and they pour them all over the the guest hosts, Hornswoggle, King, and Cole. Anyway, trying to get things on track, he says that he’s pulling it from the comedy Hall of Famers, to a WWE Hall of Fame Inductee. The newest inductee is none other than “Mad Dog” Vachon, and he will be inducted by Hall of Famer, Pat Patterson.
Up next, Bret Hart will come out and deliver his Final Farewell to the WWE Universe.
We come back to Cole and King telling us the Wrestlemania line up so far: Batista vs John Cena for the WWE Championship, Chris Jericho vs Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship, and The Streak vs The Career match, The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels. The Main Event tonight? D Generation X vs ShoMiz.
Anyway, Justin Roberts goes to introduce Bret “The Hitman” Hart, but…
No chance… that’s what you’ve got…
Vince has come out instead, making his way to the ring. He then takes the mic from Justin Roberts and says he would like to have the honor. He says that Bret is the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be, the Excellence of Execution, a WWE Hall of Famer, a person for whom Vince has the utmost respect, he is… Bret “The Hitman” Hart!
We have the video package now with everything that happened, and of the “accident”, yada yada yada. We’ve seen it hundreds of times now.
Before we get started, Vince wants to know if Bret will clear his name, and say that he had nothing to do with that horrible accident. Bret comes back with he doesn’t know if that’s true, but it’s true that Vince has treated him like a piece of garbage since he came back, and if Vince is serious about letting him have his final farewell, he’ll get the hell out of there right now. Vince says he’s sorry Bret feels that way, and then Vince says that Bret referred to him as a world champion liar, and Bret is right: Vince didn’t invite him out there to say his final farewell, and that he lied. Bret asks why he was asked there. Vince admits that Mr. McMahon screwed Bret, and it feels good.
He goes on to make sure that Bret did challenge him at Wrestlemania, because he remembers hearing those words. Bret says that he doesn’t know if Vince has noticed, but Bret is currently a little incapacitated. Vince says that he doesn’t think he noticed… Sure, he had a broken leg, ligament damage, that kind of stuff, but even a dried up fossil like him can heal in six weeks (two weeks since the accident, four weeks away from Wrestlemania). Vince keeps going to say that Bret came back to WWE because, for years, it’s been eating at him, and that he wanted to get his hands on Vince, wanted to fight him. Bret says that’s fair and that he’s wanted to fight Vince for 13 years. Vince responds with, “Then why not fight me?” Vince keeps needling and pushing him, asking him if he wants his dreams to come true? does he remember who Vince is? The guy that screwed him in Montreal, sent him packing to WCW, spit in his face, looked right in his eye and lied to him when he said that Stu Hart was going to be in this year’s Hall of Fame. Is that motivation enough? Then he says that if Bret won’t do it for himself, he should do it for his fans all over the world, and appeals to the fans. He may not be at 100%, but he’s a Canadian hero. Vince then asks the fans right out: Would you like to see Bret Hart in a match at Wrestlemania with me? The fans cheer.
Bret comes back with that he knows what Vince is trying to do, saying he can’t wrestle and he’s “got a broken leg, idiot.” Vince says that he hates to hear those words, and his last name used to stand for something, but now? Bret has no heart. Who Bret is and who he has become as he stands before these people and lets them down, lets Vince down, lets himself down. Bret Hart is a coward (according to Vince). He then kicks Bret’s crutch, causing Bret to fall. Bret manages to get over to his crutch and sit up, though he threw it at Vince. Vince throws it back and climbs out of the ring, calling Bret a coward again, yellow to the bone, rotten to the core, nothin’. Bret, who has returned to his feet at this point, says that if Vince wants a match at Wrestlemania, he’s got it. Vince says that Bret may not be at 100%, but Vince is. To show Bret what kind of physical condition Vince is in, he’s going to be in a match next week on RAW! And his opponent will be John Cena.
Coming up next, D Generation X vs ShoMiz in a Unified Tag Team Championship rematch.
Next week’s guest host is none other than Criss Angel!! Here’s hoping that he won’t fall victim to the Bella Twins like EVERYONE else. Sorry…
Time for the Main Event!! D Generation X make their way to the ring, possibly for the last time. ShoMiz make their way out to the ring… just in time for another commercial. Ah, the humanity…
And here we go, staring out with Shawn and Show! Shawn starts it with a series of slaps, but Show gets him in a corner. A few more slaps later, and Show Irish Whips him into a corner, and right down on to the mat. Show tags in Miz who stomps on Shawn a few times, and then goes for a cover, but Shawn kicks out at two. Miz tags in Show, who talks a bit of smack, and then lifts Shawn in a bear hug. I’d like to point out here that Cole keeps calling them MizShow, and then when King started talking about them he said ShoMiz with this tone like, “This is how you say it, Cole.”
Anyway, Shawn powered out of the bear hug, and got down, then Shawn managed to tag Triple H in. Triple H gives Show a Spinebuster, and then goes for the Pedgiree, but Miz runs in, only to get planted with a spinebuster. Show plants Triple H with a chokeslam, and Shawn comes in and gives Show a Sweet Chin Music. Neither Show or Triple H are moving, both Shawn and Miz are reaching for their partners. The ref starts counting, getting to nine before someone gets up. Miz and Shawn are in, being thrown across the ring with Shawn in control.
Shawn goes up to the turnbuckle after planting Miz down, going for an elbow drop. He goes into the corner, starting to tune up the band, only for The Undertaker to appear on the TitanTron. He says nothing, merely rolls his eyes back in his head, successfully keeping Shawn’s attention. Shawn went for Sweet Chin Music, but Miz grabbed him in the jackknife cover, successfully pinning him for ShoMiz to retain.
Shawn seems furious with himself, and Triple H looks a bit put off, but when Triple H goes to talk to Shawn, Shawn tells him not to touch him, and walks off backstage. Then, Sheamus comes into the ring, attacking Triple H and knocking him out of the ring. He then kicks Triple H in the head against the announce table. The crowd starts a chant of Sheamus sucks, not that Sheamus particularly cares, and Triple H starts to move. Triple H gets up, but Sheamus plants him behind the announce table, standing on the announce table and celebrating by glaring down at Triple H.
Well, that’s it from me, folks!! Thanks for tuning in!!
And thank you for helping us out once again, Aly!
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