The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase Sr. presides over RAW as tonight’s guest host as John Cena takes on Triple H for the right to face Randy Orton at Night of Champions.
RAW still wants to be loved – maybe now that they’ve got an influx of new talent, including Evan Bourne and Jack Swagger, there might be something to love about it.
Lillian welcomes tonight’s guest host, The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase, who has the Million Dollar Belt over his shoulder and the younger members of Legacy in tow. Apparently he paid to be the guest host tonight. He says that the two men in the ring with him are the two most talented and naturally gifted Superstars you’ll ever see in your life, Cody Rhodes, and his own son, Ted DiBiase. There will be no title defenses before Night of Champions on RAW, but Ted is going to have some fun. At Night of Champions, it will be Edge and Chris Jericho defending the Unified Tag Team Championship against Legacy. He asks Rhodes if he thinks Mark Henry needs to be taught a lesson. Rhodes says he does, so DiBiase Sr. tells him that he’ll be the one to teach him that lesson tonight. DiBiase Jr. asks his dad what he’s doing. DiBiase Sr. tells him he’s making an impact. He then tells him that Orton is just using him, and that tonight he’s going to be taking on Orton in a non-title match. DiBiase Jr. says he’s not going to face Orton. DiBiase Sr. tells him that not only will he face him, he’ll beat him.
You think you know me…
The Unified Tag Team Champions make their way down to the ring. They stare down their number one contenders. Team Ego is in action, NEXT!
I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool…
The Colons couldn’t beat Edge and Jericho last week. So let’s give them a non-title rematch!
Edge & Chris Jericho def. Carlito & Primo
Team Ego, or Rated Y2J as the internet is fond of calling them, do a good job of cutting Carlito off from Primo, but when Carlito finally gets there, Primo turns the tide and quickens the pace, catching the Unified Tag Team Champions off guard. Carlito gets knocked off the apron on accident and goes after Edge. In the distraction, Jericho hit the Codebreaker, followed by a Spear from Edge on Primo, giving the Champions a victory.
After the match, Carlito throws his brother shoulder first into the steel post, then attacks him on the outside of the ring.
Backstage, Cody Rhodes asks Ted DiBiase if he’s sure he wants to go through with facing Orton, and DiBiase says he’s got no choice. Orton says that losing to Orton on TV won’t do anything for DiBiase’s career. Orton says that if it was his father – DiBiase cuts him off and tells him that quite frankly, his dad was better than Orton’s dad. Not only will he face Orton tonight, he’s going to beat him.
We get a quick rundown of the superstars who were traded to RAW last week.
Speaking of that trade, one of them is in tag team action! For some reason, they’ve teamed up Alicia Fox with the WWE Diva’s Champion, Maryse. They’re taking on another new RAW acquisition, Gail Kim, who is teaming with Mickie James.
Mickie James & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Alicia Fox
Hooray. Another multi-diva clusterf*(#. Gail Kim hit some weird looking finisher on Maryse to pick up the win for her team.
Ted DiBiase Sr. is getting a manicure backstage when Cody Rhodes came in and started sucking up. Rhodes tries to buy off Ted DiBiase, because he doesn’t want to face Mark Henry. DiBiase tries to motivate Rhodes, who talks about his father. DiBiase says that he doesn’t want anything to do with a common man, and that fat, blonde, blubbering fool is in the WWE Hall of Fame and DiBiase is not. He tells Rhodes to get lost before he puts him in polka dots like his old man.
Still to come, Ted DiBiase Jr. takes on Randy Orton and John Cena takes on Triple H.
Last Monday: Mark Henry pinned the WWE Champion, Randy Orton
(taped) Last Monday (but airing right now): Cody Rhodes is on his way to the ring as Michael Cole ponders why he’d try to buy off The Million Dollar Man with a couple hundred bucks, and that if he were guest host, you could pay him off for 10 bucks. Mark Henry is… getting… cheered? The World’s Strongest Man is ready to kill Cody Rhodes.
Mark Henry def. Cody Rhodes
If Ted DiBiase Jr. were in this match instead of Cody Rhodes, this match may have been competitive. Rhodes got caught pretty quickly with the World’s Strongest Slam, and he rolls out of the ring and hightails it out of there, earning Henry the count-out victory.
The WWE Champion makes his way to the ring, and he’s not happy, seeing as how he’s got to face his protege, Ted DiBiase Jr. DiBiase makes his way out, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of Orton.
Randy Orton def. Ted DiBiase
Orton controls the match, albeit reluctantly. That’s not to say he dominates, DiBiase holds his own. In the end, Orton reverses the Dream Street into the RKO for the victory.
After the match, Orton looks at DiBiase and nods, as if to say “good job.”
Triple H is drinking water and walking backstage when Josh Matthews interrupts him over by the hockey nets. Triple H says if you’re looking for epic, put him and Cena in the ring together. Add in Orton and the WWE Championship and all bets are off. He’ll run through anybody to get what he wants, including John Cena.
Last Sunday, MVP was at the BET Awards. Tonight, he’s in the VIP lounge. His guest tonight is Jack Swagger. Blah blah blah blah blah. I really don’t feel like reviewing this. Basically, Swagger insults MVP’s time in prison. MVP calls him a coward and says he’s afraid of a fight.
Ted DiBiase Sr. tells Jr. he did a great job out there. Jr. says that he wanted him to lose because he can’t get over himself. This is Jr.’s time. Sr. says it’s not like that at all. Jr. slaps his dad.
Last week, The Big Show and Kofi Kingston both got counted out.
Speaking of the United States Champion, here he is now! He’s facing a new member of the RAW roster, Evan Bourne!
Evan Bourne def. Kofi Kingston
It’s usually Friday Nights that I say this, but sometimes you just have to kick back and watch. In the end, it’s Bourne with the AirBourne for the victory after an awesome match!
After the match, Bourne helps Kingston up to his feet. The Big Show hits the ring, and beats the crap out of them. Especially Kofi.
Up next, it’s John Cena vs. Triple H
John Cena tells Josh Matthews that tonight’s RAW is WrestleMania, which is apparently the opinion of the WWE Universe. I guess I’d better cancel my WWE Universe account then, because I don’t want to be associated with any idiots who think this crap ass show is anything like WrestleMania. Basically, Cena says he’s going to win.
Triple H is out first, followed by Cena. Since I don’t really care, I’m not going to make much of an effort.
Triple H & John Cena ended in a No Contest
Legacy interfered, ending the match in a no contest.
Randy Orton said that since both men lost, he doesn’t have to face either. Ted DiBiase doesn’t see it that way and he makes it a triple threat at Night of Champions.
My Thoughts: I didn’t even bother to watch the main event. Nor did I subject JT from sitting through it. They’re going to try to compare RAW to WrestleMania? This show has sucked for the past three or four months, if not longer, why in the world would you try to say it’s like your biggest show of the year? Ugh. I’m so tired of John Cena and Triple H on the top of the card. It’s been done. Give new guys a chance to shine – Ted DiBiase comes to mind. The Miz as well. DiBiase wrestled the WWE Champion on this show, and it wasn’t the main event. When the champion wrestles on television, even if it’s not a title match, it’s supposed to be a big deal, dammit. Hulk Hogan NEVER wrestled on free television back in his heyday. I can’t stand this show sometimes.
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