Hot off the heels of the biggest event of the summer, SummerSlam, we’re set for RAW action! Lots of questions to answer – did Triple H know John Cena’s foot was on the bottom rope? Does it matter? Why was the Anonymous RAW GM podium at SummerSlam – is he (or she) back? And perhaps the biggest question of them all – why did Kevin Nash attack CM Punk? Is he working with Del Rio? Is everybody working with Triple H? Is it all just a big C-O-N-Spiracy? Will we find out? Won’t you click the “continue reading” link to find out?
Highlights: CM Punk pinned John Cena while Cena’s foot was on the bottom rope, Kevin Nash jackknifed Punk, and Alberto Del Rio cashed in.
I hear Chad Kroeger. He tells me to burn things.
The pyro lights up the arena, and we are LIVE in San Diego! Perhaps we’re going to get some answers early on, because according to Lemmy Kilmister from Motorhead, “It’s time to play The Game!” Triple H says it’s understandable that people are upset. He wants to apologize to the WWE Universe, and more importantly, to John Cena. He’ll make no excuses, after watching the replay, he knows John Cena’s foot was clearly on the bottom rope as he counted him down. Later on tonight, he’ll look John Cena in the eye, and he’ll tell him exactly that. CM Punk and Cena were having a hell of a match, it was incredible, and if Hunter hadn’t screwed it up, he’s not sure who would have won. But things happened the way they happened, and he had no problem raising the hands of the new Undisputed WWE Champion, CM Punk. As for what happened after that, a lot of people are speculating about Hunter’s involvement. He assures everybody he had nothing to do with any of it. Yes, he’s friends with Kevin Nash and has been for years. He called Hunter and asked for a couple of tickets, and that’s the last he’s spoken to Kevin Nash. He didn’t know he’d jump the rail and attack CM Punk. He hasn’t spoken to Nash but he invited him via text to come to San Diego and explain himself. Nash says that as long as he’s allowed to tell the truth, he’ll be here tonight. As far as Alberto Del Rio cashing in Money In The Bank, Triple H didn’t know anything about it, but that’s the way Money In the Bank works. Triple H promised everybody that when SummerSlam was over, that there would no longer be two champions, only one Undisputed WWE Champion, and here he is.
The WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio makes his way out, sans Ricardo Rodriguez. I’m trying to get a good look at the belt – I want to see if it’s Cena’s or Punk’s belt (you can tell the difference – Punk’s was missing a “C” on the word “Champion” on the plate to the right of the main plate). Alberto says that he is the WWE Champion, but you, you already knew that. It’s Punk’s belt, BTW. He’s been saying for weeks that it was his destiny to be WWE Champion. He’ll be honest with us, because he loves us. It wasn’t his intention to cash in at SummerSlam. Destiny does whatever it wants. Plus, after what Kevin Nash did, he couldn’t resist. What can he say? Some people are just born to be great, and we know that Alberto Del Rio is the greatest of the great, our Undisputed WWE Champion. As our Champion, he wants to represent every single one of us with respect, with honesty, with passion. The fans start chanting “619.” Del Rio just wants to be our Champion. Tonight, he’ll be in the lobby signing autographs for all of the fans in attendance. He’ll take pictures with all the kids. That’s the Champion he’s going to be. A Champion for us, his people. Tonight, for his very first title defense, he’s going to face the former WWE Champion, Rey Mysterio! Yes, let’s cheer Rey! When they told him he’d face Mysterio for his first defense, he was happy, because we all love Rey Mysterio. Del Rio love Rey Mysterio, he’s a Mexican icon. El Grand Luchador. Del Rio encourages the 619 chants. Del Rio loves Rey Mysterio. He love beating Rey Mysterio. He started his WWE career by beating Rey Mysterio. Every morning when he wakes up, he asks himself what he wants to do today – “I feel like beating Rey Mysterio!” That’s exactly what he’ll do tonight in San Diego. Tonight, he’ll beat that little chihuahua, Rey Mysterio. The people better go and change their area code. No more 619, because after tonight, they’ll have a new hero. A true hero. The Undisputed WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio!
And yes, indeed, still to come tonight is Rey Mysterio challenging Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship!
Triple H walks into John Cena’s locker room…
R-Truth has new music – it’s a rock remix of the beat from “What’s Up.” This is a falls count anywhere match coming up, between R-Truth and John Morrison. If I were Truth, I’d run really really fast and attack him during the slo-mo so it looks like I’m moving in regular speed. Anyways, Morrison said earlier that he’s going to take Truth down on his terms.
John Morrison vs. R-Truth
These guys were extremely impressive last night at SummerSlam in their six man tag match. Morrison knocks Truth out of the ring and hits a corkscrew suicide dive for a two count. Morrison is in firm control outside of the ring. Morrison hits a Flying Chuck off of the barricade for another two count. Morrison tries to suplex Truth, but Truth blocks each attempt, then plants Morrison face first onto the concrete floor, scoring himself a two count.
Truth has control and gets a two count when we come back. During the break, he’d dumped Morrison off the top rope and to the floor. Truth is assaulting Morrison outside of the ring, then charges in and sandwiches Morrison’s head between the barricade and his knee. Truth scores a couple of two counts. A “Little Jimmy” chant breaks out, which freaks Truth out, then he snaps and continues to assault Morrison. He crotches Morrison on the barricade, then clotheslines him into the crowd. Truth scores a two in the middle of the crowd. BTW, I hate the way Scott Armstrong makes his pin counts. It just looks weird. Truth dumps Morrison back over the barricade, but wastes too much time coming back over himself and gets a roundhouse for his trouble, scoring Morrison a two. Truth grabs an office chair, but Morrison clothelines him before he manages to find a use for it. Morrison suplexes Truth into the chair, then knees him off of it, picking up the pinfall victory!
Winner: John Morrison via pinfall
That’s it. These guys are now officially banned from OfficeMax for playing with the chairs.
CM Punk is in the building, and he doesn’t look happy!
Clip: Rey Mysterio wins his first World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 22. He’ll have a chance to recapture the WWE Championship tonight!
The Most Must See WWE Champion of All Time, The Miz is here! He’s dressed in a suit, which means that Alex Riley will probably come out and rip it off of him. Riley hates it when The Miz wears suits. I know, we’re past that feud. Miz has been asked by somebody to say hello to somebody in the audience. That person is Jared from Subway. The Miz only decided to do it because he knows Jared is a Mizfit. Miz isn’t a fan of Jared’s. He thinks he can do Jared’s job better than he could. He could be a better spokesperson for Subway than Jared ever could be. In fact, he’ll show us. Miz snatches the sub out of Jared’s hands as a “Subway sucks” chant breaks out (Mrs. ThinkSoJoE and I would join in on that chant if we were at the show). Miz cuts a promo for the new oven crisp chicken sandwich. He does a pretty darn good job. He says it’s better than anything Jared’s ever done. The only reason oven crisp chicken sandwich is trending is because of The Miz. He’s the star, and if you’ve heard anything, he wants you to hear this – he WILL be a Champion again, because he’s The Miz, and he’s… AWWWWEEEEESSSOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEE! Miz takes a huge bite of his stolen sub, as I ponder how much money Subway pays WWE to devote entire segments of RAW to their product, having been subjected to one of those in the past myself.
A limo is rolling up in the back. Out steps Big Daddy Cool, Kevin Nash!
We’re reminded that Triple H, CM Punk, and Kevin Nash are all here, and then we’re shown Trace Adkins sitting in the crowd.
Holla, holla, holla
Eve and Kelly Kelly make their way to the ring. I haven’t read spoilers, but I think it’s safe to say they’re taking on Beth Phoenix and Natalya. I was wrong. They’re taking on the Bella Twins. I’ll put money on Beth and Natalya having something to do with this.
Kelly Kelly & Eve vs. The Bella Twins
I simply do not care. Seriously. FFW. Kelly takes out one of the Bellas while Eve moonsaults the other one and it’s mercifully over.
Winners: Kelly Kelly & Eve via pinfall
Ah, there’s Beth’s music. And indeed, Natalya is with her. Yes, the Divas of Doom. Kevin Sullivan is very amused somewhere.
Up next, it’s Kevin Nash! Seriously – Beth and Natalya came out, looked at Kelly and Eve, and we cut to a shot of Nash jackknifing Punk last night.
Justin Roberts puts over Kevin Nash’s accomplishments as he introduces him. Nash comes out to no music, despite the fact that he HAS music. Nash gets his mic, and we’re kicking off hour two just like hour one – with a promo! He thanks Triple H for giving him the chance to explain. He and Triple H have been close friends for close to 20 years. H is the godfather to Nash’s son. Last night, Nash asked if he could attend SummerSlam, and H left the tickets at will call. Nash got a text right before the main event. The text read “Hey big man, could you do me a favor. No matter what happens in the main event, stick the winner for me.” When a friend asks Nash to do something, he’ll do it. It’s been a long time since he’d been in the ring, and he missed it. The thrill he got at the Rumble, he’ll never forget. Last night was business, pure and simple. He got here tonight and found out that Triple H says he knew nothing about it. Nash thinks he and Triple H need to get on the same page. It’s just business.
“Unfinished business,” ponders Good Ol’ JR. Nash doesn’t look amused as CM Punk comes out to the stage. Punk asks if Nash expects him to believe any of that. Nash and Triple H are best friends. Triple H is going to do what’s right for business, and Nash is just going to do whatever Triple H asks him to do. He tells Nash that this is a rhetorical question: “If Triple H asked you to jump off of a bridge, would you?” Punk thinks that would be good for business. The fans apparently think so too. Punk always had a suspicion that Triple H doesn’t know what’s good for business, and he’s always heard that Kevin Nash doesn’t know what’s good for business, and the proof is here. Nash has no idea what’s good business. Nash retorts that this is the first time he and Punk have spoke, and Punk needs to watch his mouth. Punk needs to watch his mouth? Nash needs to watch the show, Punk does and says whatever he wants. Nash said Punk’s world just changed. The story Nash just told clearly points out that Triple H is a liar, but maybe Triple H is telling the truth. Maybe Nash is the liar. Nash asks if Punk would like to see the text message. Punk asks if Nash would like to see the text his little sister Selene sent him last night. “OMG Kevin Nash, WTF, thought he was dead LOL.” The funny thing is, Selene is normally wrong, and here’s Nash live and in living color (not to be confused with Living Colour, of course). It’s just Nash’s career that’s dead. Nash being out here doesn’t so much piss Punk off, but what Nash did last night pissed him off. Punk is pointing a lot of fingers and pissed off at a lot of people, but surprisingly, Alberto Del Rio is not one of them. What he did, Punk’s done before. What this all represents is that Triple H is the new COO. He’s run amok and now he’s bringing his cronies back. All Triple H did was shake things up around here, says Nash. Punk says he’s the guy who shook things up around here. Nash says that all Punk is, is a little “indyriffic,” little wannabe. Punk’s been here 5 years? He’s been in two main events? Really? He’s had the belt three times in 20 days? Punk says that really hurts, coming from somebody who knows so much about being a main eventer. The guy who said the legendary Eddie Guerrero was a “vanilla midget.” What does Nash know about main event talent? It’s 2011, not 1994. Nash says that if you wanna go to 1996, he changed the business with Scott Hall and made sure that everybody, including guys like Punk, got guaranteed money. Punk should be saying “thank you, Mr. Nash,” because as far as Nash is concerned, if this is where the business is right now, where some guy who looks like a short order cook from a Waffle House is a Champion, take a shower, hit the weights, get a clue. Punk says he likes Waffle House. He doesn’t know what Nash has against Waffle House, or against Punk, but last night Nash did something he shouldn’t have done. It’s not good for business. He put his hands on Punk. Punk may look like a short order cook, and Nash may think he needs to hit the weights, but he’d rather walk into this company as CM Punk, and leave CM Punk than to show up somewhere as Oz or Vinnie Vegas, or Big Daddy Cool Diesel. Enough talking, enough snarky comments, last night showed Punk that Nash wants a fight, and trust Punk, he’s not scared of a fight. Does Nash wanna fight? They can fight right now in San Diego. Security blocks Punk’s path. Nash smirks, and Punk is not surprised that the COO has deemed Nash untouchable. It’s not Punk that put these security guards out here to stop Punk from kicking Nash’s ass. If they’re watching Nash’s back, then Triple H is back there with nobody watching his, which means that maybe Punk will go find out from the COO himself.
Flashback: June 20, 2010: Rey Mysterio wins his second World Heavyweight Championship at Fatal Four Way.
Still to come, it’s Rey Mysterio challenging Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship!
Nash knocks on Triple H’s door, but Hunter is nowhere to be found. John Laurinaitis walks in and tells Nash if he’s looking for Hunter, he’s in a meeting with CM Punk. Nash asks if Laurinaitis can believe the nerve of that kid. Johnny Ace says that the way Punk spoke to him last night, or the way he spoke to Nash tonight, totally unacceptable. Who does he think he is? Ace says “it’s good to see you, Kevin.” He’d like to talk to Nash about something important. He wants to go somewhere more private to talk. That was kinda creepy, Johnny Ace. The way he said “It’s good to see you, Kevin,” there is no way I’d be following that guy anywhere. Unless, I guess, I were Kevin Nash’s size.
Last Monday: Alex Riley insults Vickie Guerrero, who interjects herself in the match and gets Dolph Ziggler punched into her. Then she left without him.
Dolph and Vickie are bickering on commentary as Alex Riley makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent tonight is The All-American American Jack Swagger.
Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger
This match is more about Vickie and Dolph’s interaction on commentary than the actual match. Ziggler is dressed like Don Johnson, BTW. I actually can’t pay much attention to this match because these two are so distracting on commentary. Riley hits a spinebuster after being on defense for most of the early part of the match. Riley starts getting fired up, and Vickie steals JR’s hat. She puts the hat on and A-Ry goes out after her. Because he can’t stand when people where other people’s cowboy hats. He covers Swagger in the ring, but Vickie distracts the referee by putting JR’s hat on his head. Swagger hits the Gutwrench Powerbomb for the pinfall victory. JR asks if his hat gets a payday.
Winner: Jack Swagger by pinfall
Dolph stomps on JR’s hat after the match. He says he thought Dolph was classier than that. King says that Ziggler’s classy, but it’s all low.
Flashback: Rey Mysterio defeated The Miz last month on RAW to become the WWE Champion
Still to come, Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship!
Vickie Guerrero is walking backstage, when Jack Swagger interrupts her. He thanks her for her help. She says she was just trying to prove to Dolph – Swagger cuts her off and says she doesn’t have to prove anything to Dolph. She’s Vickie Guerrero. She’s managed WWE and World Heavyweight Champions. Edge was nothing without her, and Dolph would be nothing without her. He says she looks tremendous. She looks great, she’s a great manager. Swagger says to look at the great managers of the past – Bobby Heenan (get well soon, Brain, we love you here at BWF), Freddy Blassie – they all had multiple clientele. He’s just saying that maybe Vickie should think about expanding her roster.
Video: SummerSlam Axxess
CM Punk walks into Triple H’s office, and Stephanie McMahon is in there. She says she’s sorry about how he lost the title last night, even though he didn’t technically win. She says that in the end, people always get what they deserve.
Kofi Kingston is excited as he nearly leaps from the stage directly into the ring. That’s how high he jumped during his entrance. He’s in tag team action – and his partner could probably jump higher if he wanted to, because it’s Evan “Air” Bourne. Their opponents are the WWE Tag Team Champions, David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. As the champs make their entrance, Michael Cole reads a tweet from Shawn Michaels, which says “He got a text!! Dang, everything is technology now. I’m gonna text me a beatdown too somebody at RAW!!” (via @ShawnMichaels_), and ponders whether or not CM Punk was right about Triple H getting his buddies in on the action.
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
You can tell how important this match is. The announcers can’t stop talking – about the CM Punk/John Cena/Triple H/Kevin Nash/Stephanie McMahon thing. New rule for my reviews. I’m not going to talk about the match until somebody on commentary does. When they finally do, Otunga and McGillicutty are firmly in control of Evan Bourne. They’ve cut the ring in half – Gorilla Monsoon would be proud. Jerry Lawler is waiting for Otunga and McGillicutty to do something big. King says it’s like the bland leading the bland, and I have to agree. These guys have sucked the life out of the last two shows I’ve seen them on – and they’re facing two of the most exciting guys on the roster. Bourne finally gets the tag to Kofi, and Kofi finally livens up this match. Kingston gets a two count before Otunga breaks it up. Kofi disposes of Otunga, McGillicutty dropkicks Kingston, who gets the blind tag in to Bourne, and within mere moments, Bourne nails the Shooting Star Press and picks up the victory for his team!
Winners: Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston via pinfall
It was better than the match they had on SmackDown a couple weeks back, but I still think somebody needs to get these guys some personalities.
Rey Mysterio is putting his mask on, and his match is NEXT!
Can we just go back to calling it the WWE Championship? Please?
Este es el hombre que ganó el 2011 WWE Royal Rumble. Él es el hombre que ganó el dinero RAW 2011 En el partido del Banco. Él es el hombre que la introducción deconfundir a la mierda siempre viva de Google Translate, cuando las escribo. Y, por supuesto, él es el imbécil que golpeaba a mi favorita estrella de la WWE anoche para el Campeonato de la WWE. Este hombre es de San Luis Potosí, México. Este hombre pesa 263 libras. Este hombre es el Campeón de la WWE. Este hombre es …Alberto Del Rio!
Del Rio is in another Ferrari. Sweet looking car. He milks the living hell out of his entrance, which is to be expected, considering where they are and who his challenger is…
Booyakah booyakah – whatever that means!
He’s dressed in blue and gold – San Diego Chargers colors, of course. I’d say “what a suckup,” but CM Punk has worn Chicago Cubs inspired tights on several occasions in Chicago, so I guess it’s cool.
Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship
Should be another great match between these two. There’s a couple of dynamics to think of going into this match, both of which have been pointed out by the announce team – the first is that Rey has the home field advantage, so to speak. The second is that Rey was preparing for either CM Punk or John Cena, so how could that effect his strategy going in? Mysterio nearly gets an early 619 in, but Del Rio bails and regroups on the ramp as we go to…
Del Rio is trying to rip Rey’s mask off as he’s got him locked into a body scissors. Rey turns the tide and gets Del Rio down in the corner. Rey hobbles his way over to dropkick Del Rio in the face, but it doesn’t take long for Del Rio to turn the tide back. Mysterio manages to cause more separation by hitting a tornado DDT out of the corner. Mysterio picks up the pace – but his leg still seems to be bothering him. Rey scores back to back near falls, but Del Rio takes control right back. Del Rio goes back to the body scissors, and once again goes for the mask. Rey fights out, and ducks out of the way of a charging Del Rio, who goes flying out of the ring. Mysterio hits a dropkick to Del Rio through the ropes, then hits an Asai Moonsault. Yes, I just used the proper name for a springboard moonsault to the floor. Props to Ultimo Dragon! Rey brings Del Rio back into the ring, then goes to the top rope. He nails a seated senton, gets Del Rio set up for a 619, but Del Rio clotheslines Mysterio as he’s coming in for it. Del Rio the aggressor, he charges in but catches a boot to the face. Mysterio charges back but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Del Rio’s back to being the aggressor. Del Rio hits a huge enziguri as Rey is sitting on the top rope, but only scores a two. Del Rio goes for the Cross Armbreaker, but Mysterio reverses it and grabs a two count. Del Rio tries again, but Mysterio reverses it again, and manages to hit the 619! Mysterio goes to the top rope, but Del Rio gets his knees up and manages to roll Mysterio up for the three count!
Winner and still WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio via pinfall
That was a pretty good match! After the match, Del Rio kicks Mysterio. He snaps Mysterio’s arm over the bottom rope, then slams it against the announce table. He tosses Mysterio back into the ring and locks in the cross armbreaker. John Cena runs to the ring and breaks it up. Cena says he’s coming off one hell of a weekend. Whoever saw SummerSlam knows that Cena’s got a bunch of reasons to be pissed off. Could be Triple H, but no. He’s pissed off at a scumbag like Alberto Del Rio. After two guys left everything in the ring to give every single bit of integrity to the WWE Championship, what does Del Rio do? He goes into business for himself. He’s walking around with a big smile on his face and acting like he’s some sort of champion. Del Rio is not a champion, he’s a target. That gold Del Rio’s got his hands on, he’ll realize that holding on to that makes every single person he knows his enemy. A guy like CM Punk earned the right to be called Champion. Del Rio cashed in a briefcase and got lucky. Here’s where he wakes up. He’s going to have to eventually defend the WWE Championship, and if it’s against Cena, he ain’t gonna be so lucky. He’s about to find out that his destiny is John Cena whipping his ass.
Post show thoughts & observations:
First thing I’ve noticed over the last two days is that the WWE Superstars are really stepping up their in ring game. Well, for the most part. Could it be because of the threat of ROH looming on the horizon?
Now, on to the Nash/Punk/Triple H thing. Is it not painfully obvious that Stephanie McMahon got hold of Triple H’s phone and texted Nash during SummerSlam? Or am I the only one who sees it? I hang out with my wife as much as I’m able to, and my phone is usually readily accessible to her if she so chose to use it. So what’s to stop Stephanie from getting Triple H’s phone and texting Kevin Nash with it?
Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Oh well, whatever. Another solid show from the E, so let’s see if the trend continues this Friday on SmackDown!
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