Well, since the show doesn’t air for another 11 hours, I guess I have to hide the rest of this review on the other side of the jump…
The show starts with highlights from the first 10 years of SmackDown, including The Rock, Eddie Guerrero, John Cena’s debut, Batista relinquishing the title, the 9/11 show, among others, all of which you can see on the Best of SmackDown: 10th Anniversary DVD.
The show’s got a new intro this season, apparently, which looks pretty cool and somehow has an even worse theme song.
Jim Ross welcomes us to Boston, and we’re reminded that it’s going to be Cena, DX, and The Undertaker against Orton, Legacy, and CM Punk. We’ll also have a message from The Rock. JR and Todd Grisham are in the ring, and they tell us that every superstar on the roster is in the building. There’s a party backstage, with Hornswoggle apparently serving drinks.
Batista isn’t there, however. You know why? Because he’s on his way to the ring for a match! His opponent? The guy I always comes to mind when I think of SmackDown blue – The Big Red Machine, Kane!
SmackDown moment: #64 on the DVD, Rey Mysterio and Batista winning the WWE Tag Team Championships.
Batista def. Kane
The Animal picked up the win in a hard fought battle, hitting the Batista Bomb on the Big Red Monster for a victory.
Back at the party, Teddy Long is thanking the party guests for coming. Hornswoggle smacks Maria on the ass, and Michael Cole says “Vintage Hornswoggle!” and tells Long to try the shrimp. Long asks for a Diet Pepsi. Finlay tells Hornswoggle to get Long some Whisky. Cole says “Vintage Finlay!” Finlay toasts to everybody’s health, to tonight, and to a decade of SmackDown! Punk tells Long not to drink the alcohol and says that from now on it’s prohibition rules. He says Straight Edge can save you. Vickie Guerrero tells Long she can’t believe he lifted the ban on the Hells Gate. Vickie’s new boyfriend, Eric, says he’s “Pure Escobar.” Vickie is coming back to SmackDown to manage him. Long doesn’t seem pleased. A hand touches Long’s shoulder, and it’s dressed like The Undertaker – but IT’S-A HE! SANTINO!
Still to come, John Cena, The real Undertaker and DX take on Randy Orton, CM Punk, and Legacy. But up next, VIVA LA RAZA! A tribute to Eddie Guerrero.
Did you know? The SmackDown theme has a line in it that says “do you really wanna cross the line?”
Backstage, Cole is drunk and eating “Vintage Shrimp.” He makes a shrimp joke at Hornswoggles expense and gets kicked in the shin. Hornswoggle gets let into the VIP Lounge, where Zack Ryder is begging for entrance. Matt Hardy gets in with “a bunch of Divas.” Sgt. Slaughter gets in, as does Charlie Haas, but Zack Ryder is still left out in the cold. Then The Iron Sheik gets let in. Ryder protests, but Sheik tells him, “you blew it, jabroni!”
Tribute video: The legacy of Eddie Guerrero. I still miss that guy.
Still to come, a special message from The Rock! Right now, however, The All-American American Jack Swagger is joining JR and Todd Grisham on commentary. The guy on his way to the ring may be the WWE Intercontinental Champion, but John Morrison is NOT smarter than a 5th grader. JoMo’s partner is also a champion – he’s the WWE Unitd States Champion, Kofi Kingston. Jack Swagger throws his headset down at the mere sight of the Jamaican Sensation. JoMo and KoKi’s opponents are their upcoming Hell In A Cell opponents, first, Morrison’s challenger, Dolph Ziggler, followed by one of Kingston’s two challengers, The Miz (who is also not smarter than a 5th grader).
The Miz & Dolph Ziggler def. John Morrison & Kofi Kingston
The former WWE Tag Team Champions kick things off in this match. We never really did get a feud between these two after Miz dropped Morrison on the draft episode of RAW back in April, which is sad, because a Morrison vs. Miz feud would be AWESOME. In the end, it’s Ziggler causing Morrison to crotch himself on the top rope, then hitting his finisher to pin his opponent for this Sunday night.
Backstage, Yoshi Tatsu and Kung Fu Naki are singing Shawn Michaels’ theme song, when Jillian jumps on stage and take the mic from them. Meanwhile, Sgt. Slaughter and the Iron Sheik argue over the US and Iran, when suddenly, Sheik begins to choke on some food. If only there were some kind of Super Hero who could save him. The Hurricane arrives, and performs the Heimlich on citizen Sheik. The food lands on Michael Cole’s plate. Cole is drunk and mocking JR. The Unified Tag Team Champions show up and stop the party. Jericho says that he and The Big Show should be the guests of honor, since they were both on the first episode. He says it’s time to wrap up the party and show JeriShow the respect they deserve. Then Michael Cole vomits on Jericho’s shoes, which elicits an “OH MY GOD!” from Joey Styles.
Up next, it’s The Rock!
Todd Grisham says that JR was just a baby when the Declaration of Independence was read in 1776. Anyways, it’s time for the most electrifying man in sports entertainment, THE ROCK!
It takes The Rock a few takes – and an insult to Dolph Ziggler – to get his line right. It’s a hilarious segment, actually. He finally gets his latte, and the line finally comes to him. Finally. Finally. Finally… The Rock… HAS COME BACK… TO SMACK DOWN! The Rock was there at the beginning, laying the SmackDown on all your candy asses! From dropping the People’s Elbow to unleashing The Rock Bottom, to the time The Rock’s baby left him and he found a new place to dwell. From the time the Rock walked out on SmackDown as the WWE Champion and everybody was chanting The Rock’s name. The Rock likes hearing his name chanted. Ten years later, some guy named CM Punk is Champion. Straight Edge dude, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, always sits down when he’s using the toilet. He should be called BM Punk, as in bowel movement, because that’s what the audience wants to do when Punk starts talking. Rock’s never faced Punk, but he has faced The Undertaker. Rock says he whooped Undertakers ass all over the world. He asks to edit that part out because he doesn’t want to get Tombstoned. The Rock brings the editor guy in and asks if he thinks the Tombstone is a pleasant experience, then tells him that IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS! He tears the guys shirt and tells him to shave his chest. The Rock says it’s not as disturbing as Hell in a Cell. The Rock says there’s going to be a new champion, but no matter what, this show will always belong to the jabroni beating, pie eating, has no peer, has no flaw, now that he’s tried SmackDown, maybe it’s time The Rock guest hosts RAW! He’d be the most electrifying host that RAW has ever seen. IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLL… WHAT THE ROCK IS…. He pull the camera in closer… cookin’! He gives the people’s eyebrow, and his music plays.
Still to come, John Cena, The Undertaker, DX vs. Orton, Punk, and Legacy.
Apparently this copy of SmackDown that I got is from Australia. Legend Killer, are you bootlegging pre-air copies of SmackDown in the US?
We’re set for a lumberjack jill match for the WWE Women’s Championship. The WWE Divas make their way out to the ring. Most of them, anyway. Melina is the challenger tonight, and Maria doesn’t seem to be thrilled with her presence. The Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool is still limping a bit, but she’s here and ready to defend her title.
Michelle McCool def. Melina to retain the WWE Women’s Championship.
JR points out that despite what Justin Roberts said earlier, these women should be called Lumber Jills, not Lumber Jacks. Todd Grisham seems to think that they should be called Lumber Janes. Anyways, I digress. Things get chaotic at ringside, and Beth Phoenix pulls Melina down off of the top rope, allowing Michelle McCool to hit the Styles Clash Faithbreaker for the victory.
The Undertaker has a message for CM Punk. He says that Punk is about to enter the domain of The Undertaker. ‘Taker says he’ll reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and knock Punk from the black horse of self-righteousness, and he’ll soon crave and need the painkillers he so despises. Undertaker says welcome to Hell In A Cell.
Did you know? This theme song still sucks.
Backstage at the party, Drew McIntyre has something to say. He’d like to make a toast. Here’s to SmackDown and it’s future World Champion, Drew McIntyre, and to the party just getting started. R-Truth attacks him and slams him into the cake.
Are you ready?
DX are here. They were on the first episode of SmackDown. HBK was the special guest referee when Triple H faced The Rock for the WWE Championship – and handed Triple H the victory by superkicking The Rock out of the People’s Elbow. Speaking of the WWE Championship, the WWE Champion is one of DX’s tag team partners tonight! In fact, that belt was unveiled by Cena himself on SmackDown a few years back. It’s SmackDown Moment #100. The quintet is completed with the arrival of SmackDown’s phenom, The Undertaker! Randy Orton and Legacy are out first for their team, and I still say that since they’ve NEVER been on SmackDown before, DiBiase and Rhodes shouldn’t be in the main event tonight. SmackDown’s World Heavyweight Champion, the Straight Edge Superstar, CM Punk, joins Legacy, and we’re set for our main event!
The Undertaker, John Cena & DX vs. CM Punk, Randy Orton, & Legacy
The faces all hit their finishers on the heels, ending with a Tombstone for Randy Orton, allowing The Undertaker to pick up the victory.
Punk crawls back up the ramp as the faces celebrate in the ring and blue and white confetti falls from the ceiling. Punk clutches at his title as SmackDown goes off the air.
My Thoughts: Congratulations on 10 amazing years, SmackDown. I hope The Rock does guest host RAW. Maybe they’ll get him to wrestle. Maybe he’ll get bitten by the wrestling bug again. Maybe, and ThinkSoJoE means maybe, finally, THE ROCK… WILL COME BACK… to wrestling. The rest of the show was pretty entertaining too. Be sure to watch it tonight when it airs on MyNetwork TV!
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