Man, it’s been nearly two months since my last ESW fix – these guys need to start putting on more shows, or alternatively, I need to start going out to their parent company, Maximum Force Wrestling’s shows. Several of tonight’s scheduled matches were set up at Overdrive on September 11th, including ESW Interstate Champion “Inferno” Johnny Adams taking on “Bad Boy” Barry Hardy, Johnny Puma taking on Ryot, and the ESW Championship match between champion Chris Cooper and challenger Brandon Thurston. Let’s go!
Tonight’s show kicks off with an ad from new ESW sponsors Airport Plaza Jewlers, which is met with a chorus of boos for some reason. That’s followed by a video package of highlights from the last event. As ring announcer Justin Tromble got set to introduce the opening contest, he’s interrupted by the ESW Heavyweight Champion, Chris Cooper. Cooper has some multimedia of his own. He shows photographs of his history with his challenger tonight, Brandon Thurston. Thurston was Cooper’s backup in Wrestling, Inc. Cooper helped Thurston win his first set of tag team titles. Thurston got a fluke win to capture the tag gold again from Cooper and Will Calrissian, who wound up getting the titles back when Thurston went to Iraq, which Cooper claims he did because he was scared of the champ. That brings us to tonight. There is no way Thurston is going to win. In fact, if he were out here right now, Cooper would destroy him. Thurston hits the ring and chases Cooper away
“The following contest is scheduled for one fall…”
“The Cock Of The Walk” Will Calrissian def. Maximo Suave
I’m surprised this match is up first as Calrissian has been a major player in the ESW main event scene and Maximo Suave is made out to be a huge deal every time he’s around. Calrissian made some lame pun on the term “Puerto Rican” but I can’t remember what it was. Suave put up a decent fight but Calrissian nailed his finisher in the end to pick up the victory.
Freddie Midnight def. Patrick Poison
Unlike the last show, Midnight’s valet (who I’ve come to find out is named “Lady LaLa”) did not get herself overly involved in this match. Poison, for the second straight show, put up a great fight, and again, did not look like a rookie in the ring, but in the end, he came up short.
The Caesar led Ryot out to the ring, and talked about how tonight will be a huge night for his Legion. Tommy Mandrake and Superbeast will capture the tag team championships from Kevin Grace and Pepper Parks, and Ryot would finally destroy Jonny Puma, who thought it would be funny to attack Caesar while dressed as Batman. The old Batman music hit, and out came “Batman,” but he was chased away by Ryot. Meanwhile, a homeless looking guy came in through the crowd. Caesar called for security, but the man revealed himself to be Jonny Puma. Puma hit the Jonny-on-the-Spot on Caesar before bailing out through the crowd. When Ryot returned from chasing “Batman,” he helped up Caesar, who demanded to know where Ryot was before slapping him. Ryot returned to subservience to Caesar, holding the ropes for him on the way out.
The Ultimate Warrior’s music hits, and the first thing I think is, “Oh man, Warpath is really taking this Ultimate Warrior thing all the way.” Well, it wasn’t Primal Warpath. The wrestler who entered was announced as weighing in at 180 Wrestling Buddies, and billed from Parts Untouchable, and his name was Primal Dewpath. He wrestled a guy who weight in at “A whole lot of beer,” “Party Guy” Brett Mednik.
Brett Mednik def. “Primal Dewpath” via disqualification
Mednik offered Dewey a beer to start the match, but Dewey had trouble opening it – so he nailed the Warrior Splash on it to get it open. Mednik attacked him, and stayed on the offensive pretty much through the entire match. He went to put Dewey away when he was attacked from behind by some Irish guy. I’m not calling him that because I don’t know his name – I’m calling him that because nobody knew his name. He’s a newcomer, but dresses like Finlay, so we can easily assume he’s Irish. Anyways, I digress…
Dewey gets back in the ring after Mednik leaves, and the real Primal Warpath heads down to attack him, but runs right in to a kick in the… um… “Little Warriors.” Dewey leaves Warpath in a heap on the canvas.
“Inferno” Johnny Adams made his way to the ring, set to defend his ESW Interstate Championship, but his opponent, Barry Hardy, was unable to make the event. Therefore this match became an open challenge – which was accepted by Danny Danger.
“Inferno” Johnny Adams def. Danny Danger
Freddie Midnight and Lady LaLa made their way ringside for this one. Danger held his own against Adams, but for some reason did not take advantage of opportunities, despite the title being on the line. Midnight and LaLa certainly made their presence known as well, but in the end, Adams got Danger up for his finisher, used Danger to knock Midnight off of the apron, nailed his finisher, and managed to get the referee’s attention away from LaLa long enough to pick up the pinfall victory. Following the match, he offered to put the title on the line at the next show (in January) against Danger and Midnight in a triple threat match.
Caesar, still holding his head from the Jonny-on-the-Spot he took earlier, led Mandrake and Superbeast to the ring to a surprisingly loud chant of “All Hail Caesar.” Kevin Grace has trimmed back down to a weight of 1.21 Gigawatts, and has moved back to Hill Valley. His partner, Pepper Parks, still hates being reminded of the fact that he was “Jesse Guyver” in a match against Shad on WWE SmackDown. Ah well, match time.
Kevin Grace and Pepper Parks def. Tommy Mandrake & Superbeast
Grace and Parks dominated this one. They even used their opponents as weapons against one another. After a double bulldog to take down Superbeast, Mandrake was dumped to the outside, allowing Pepper to “go Superfly” and Parks to hit a Swanton for the victory.
Ryot def. Jonny Puma via disqualification
This match was nearly identical to their match back at Overdrive on September 11th. With Puma on the outside, Caesar grabbed a computer keyboard. Ryot distracted the referee, but this time, Puma caught Caesar trying to attack him with the keyboard. He then took the keyboard and bashed Ryot across the skull with it, getting himself disqualified in the process.
Puma went to leave, but stopped when he noticed that Ryot was gushing blood from his skull. Puma’s words – “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”
The Rochester Recking Crew def. Fast and Furious & Southern Hospitality in a 3 way tag team match.
Alright, so I can keep you guys up to speed here, Rochester Recking Crew is Hellcat and Rob Sweet, Fast and Furious are Tommy Caliber and James Santel, and Southern Hospitality are Cassius Cutcher and Curtis Lee Walker. Southern Hospitality and Fast and Furious started this match, with our favorite country boys putting the big hurt on Santel. Santel tried to tag in Hellcat a couple of times, but he refused the tag. In fact, by the time Tommy Caliber put away Southern Hospitaly, The Rochester Recking Crew had yet to be in the match. Which was great strategy, actually, as they were fresh, coming in against a winded Fast and Furious. In the end, that strategy paid off, as the Recking Crew managed to walk away with the victory.
Chris Cooper def. Brandon Thurston
Thurston came into this match undefeated in the last two years of competition and seemed a lock to win the ESW Heavyweight Championship. In fact, he virtually dominated the early going in this one, leaving Cooper reeling and fleeing several times. At one point when it seemed that Thurston had the match won, Cooper’s usual tag team partner Will Calrissian came out to interfere. That’s when the sounds of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” filled the St. Johnsburg Fire Hall, and rarely seen ESW Commissioner Jimmy Olsen made his way to ringside. He announced that Calrissian would be banned from ringside, and that the match would continue, because he wanted to see Thurston’s streak continue. However, once Thurston locked in his armbar submission, Olsen got in the ring and booted him in the face. The referee, who was down on the canvas and didn’t see any of this, turned around in time to see Cooper hit his finisher and make the cover, pinning Thurston to retain his title.
The best value in entertainment, ladies and gentlemen, is not World Wrestling Entertainment. See the stars of tomorrow today for way less than the price of a WWE ticket – hit up your local independent local promotion! I’ve yet to be disappointed by an ESW show. These guys work hard to even get to the point of getting in that ring on a show. The next show can’t get here fast enough for me!
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