Its the first WWE Superstars after Summerslam. Let’s go.
Match 1: The All-American American Jack Swagger vs Mr Cartwheel…Primo
Get down on your knees! I’m a big fan of Jack Swagger…Jerk of the Month in WWE Magazine or not. The All-American American gets the win with his Gut Wrench Powerbomb. After the match, he gets on the mic and says we are looking at the only Superstar born to be the US champ. Watch out Kofi!
Ask the Divas segment….”How do I know if a girl likes me?”
We see Gregory Helms enter the boiler room and out comes The Hurricane!
Match 2: The Hurricane vs Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea
Stand back! There’s a Hurricane coming through. Katie Lea needs to stop wearing her make-up like that. She looks horrendous. Paul Burchill has gotten fat. The Ripper gets the win with the interference from his sister.
Main Event Triple Threat: Dolph Ziggler vs Finlay vs Mike Knox
Winner of this match faces Rey Mysterio at Breaking Point for the Intercontinental title. Dolph says Mysterio’s win at Summerslam was a fluke. Mike Knox is severely under-utilized. That guy is a big sumuma-gun. He attempts to hit Finlay with the sheleleigh (spell check), but misses and Finlay hits the Celtic Cross. Finlay for the pin, but Dolph throws him off and gets the pin for himself.
This show was better than the recent ones have been. At least they made sense this week. Check me out again next week and see if Superstars can remain sensable.
WELCOME TO iMPACT! ThinkSoJoE here, covering the earlygoing of this week’s episode, where we’ll see Dixie Carter on television for the first time! The Empress of iMPACT will be along shortly, but I’ve got the opening segment. Ready kids? Time to CROSS THE LINE!
———-X———-
Previously: Kurt Angle has had his problems with Kurt Angle and the Knockouts get their own tag division
“Mind Games”
Lauren meets up with Sting and AJ Styles as they pull up to the arena, and she asks AJ about his retirement announcement last week. He says he’s got his gear. Sting says TNA is growing up. Kyp James asks if Sting needs him to park his car. Sting says he doesn’t have to. Kyp says he used to have a car like that. Lauren asks him when. He says when he was over.
TNA Intro/Pyro
Dixie Carter will be joined by Bobby Lashley, and AJ Styles makes his return to the ring in our main event. Mike Tenay, Taz, and Daniels are ringside, and Daniels says he just wanted a good seat as the X-Division Champion is in action.
The following contest is set for one fall – introducing first, SUICIDE! His opponent, representing the Nation of Violence, the TNA X-Division Champion, The Samoan Submission Machine, Samoa Joe!
Match #1: Samoa Joe vs. Suicide goes to a no contest
Suicide has some unique offense – and I say this because I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to one of his matches. The Pope, D’Angelo Dinero hits the ring in the middle of the match, and all hell breaks loose, as this match ends in a no contest.
Earl Hebner apparently has booking authority in TNA, because he makes a match for later tonight pitting Suicide and Daniels against Samoa Joe and D’Angelo Dinero
Lauren is standing by with Eric Young. Last week, Young interrupted a Hernandez interview. Does he really think there’s a chance Hernandez joins the World Elite? Young says there’s no chance. No possibility – but there is a guarantee. He’s a foreigner to these people, just like Eric Young is. Tonight, Young will open Hernandez’s eyes.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
TNA is doing the stupid “Did you Know” things now – but they’re calling it “For The Record.”
The World Elite is in the ring, and Eric Young has a microphone. He’s going to hand it to Bashir, since he’s got something to say to the American public. The fans chant “USA,” despite the fact that Bashir is from Detroit. He takes off his headgear to eliminate any pre-conceived notions of him, and he’d like to talk about the War in Iraq. May 3, 2003, George Bush goes over and says “Mission Accomplished.” Six years later, if we’re no longer at war, than what is killing hundreds of his brothers and sisters every day? Innocent men and women, innocent children. It’s a world we know nothing about. We don’t want to stop terrorism. We’re junkies, addicts for their oil. We’re jonesing for our cars to be bigger. Our blood is itching for our country to be the richest in the world again. We all know it. Bashir thanks us for our time.
Eric Young says he wants to talk about somebody who’s handcuffed – handcuffed by his corrupt morals. He wants to talk about Hernandez.
Young doesn’t have to wait long – SuperMex makes his way to the ring, microphone in hand. Hernandez says that if Young has something to say, he can say it to his face. Young says he wouldn’t have it any other way, brother. How many times has Hernandez come down draped in the colors of Mexico? Did they honor that? Did they respect that? These people will never respect him. He’ll never be treated as an equal. To the fans, he’s always going to be a foreigner. They’ll stereotype him and view him like they’ve always viewed him – like a common criminal, a street thug, a good for nothing thief. Is that what Hernandez is about? Young knows it’s not, so he needs to come home. The fans chant “Kick his ass.” Young says to come home and be elite. He needs to join the World Elite. Hernandez says he is home. The fans are his family, and they want Young to understand one thing – this is our country. You either love it, or don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Young stands there with a stupid smirk on his face.
Backstage, Lauren interviews Sharmell and Tracy, who will be facing Kong and Saeed in the first round. The Main Event Mafia representatives are elite females in the wrestling radio – they’re not only going to win tonight, they’ll roll all over Kong and Saeed’s fat asses.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Your Empress of “Impact” has returned! Many thanks to ThinkSoJoe for covering the start of the show for me.
To the back! Lauren tries to talk about the Knockoputs tag team match coming up, but Alex Shelley focuses the camera on her breasts instead. Dr. Stevie approaches, and tells the MCMG that if they want to get serious, he’ll pay them $50,000 cash to end Abyss’s career. The Guns accept. Lauren is appalled.
Traci and Sharmell vs. Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed: This was the first round of the Knockouts Tag Team tournament. Saeed dominated early on, and though Traci does most of the work for the MEM team, both she and Sharmell avoid Kong. Kong tags in and levels Traci with several clotheslines. Kong hits Traci with a splash from the second rope, and goes for the pin, but Sharmell breaks up the count. Kong goes after Sharmell, but Saeed tags herself in, and covers the still-prone Traci. Kong and Saeed get the win, and advance in the tournament.
Video recap of the Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan situation.
Matt Morgan enters the MEM locker room alone (well, with JB). The rest of the MEM, particularly Booker, start yelling at him, but Morgan and Angle argue over experience in the business. Morgan asks if Angle plans to team him up with Booker and Steiner to teach him another lesson, and Angle concurs. Morgan asks if Dixie Carter approved of it. Angle says yes, that he talked to her earlier. Morgan points out that Carter is present tonight, and talks up a four-way World Heavyweight title match involving himself, Angle, and two others. Morgan will have Angle’s back, just like Angle had Morgan’s at “Hard Justice” and on last week’s show. Morgan hugs Angle and calls him “little buddy” before leaving. Morgan was awesome here!
Video package of Rhino and Jesse Neal in training.
Rhino vs. Jesse Neal:Rhino tries to shake hands with Jesse Neal, but kicks him in the gut and drives him into the corner with a barrage of punches and forearms. Rhino completely dominates Neal, choking him in th eropes and kicking him in the head, but Neal kicks out at two. Rhino hits a big spinebuster, and gets the three-count. Rhino wins. Neal’s head is bleeding. Post-match, Rhino Gores Neal flat. The referee reverses the decision after seeing Rhino’s actions, and announces Neal as the winner. Rhino continues to beat Neal down, but Brother Devon makes the save and stares down Rhino.
To the back! JB is with ODB and Cody Deaner. After JB’s assurance that Mick Foley takes his cases very seriously, Foley is shown wearing a judge’s wig and carrying a gavel. Abyss interrupts, returning Foley’s bat. Foley gives Abyss a bag of groceries, and wishes him luck in his match with the Guns. “Take it easy on Alex Shelley, my kids love that guy.” ODB claims that it’s the women’s title, and that Deaner doesn’t even look like a woman. Deaner shows evidence of beating up Mike Tyson and Chuck Norris. Foley decides to hold up the Knockouts title until the next ppv, where ODB and Cody Deaner will fight for it. This is crap.
Abyss vs. the Motor City Machine Guns: The Guns want the cash, Abyss just wants to eat. Dr. Stevie accompanies the Guns. Abyss and his street clothes hoddie are next. Sabin grabs Abyss’s legs while Shelley rushes Abyss from the front. They double team him, but Abyss counters and DDTs them both. Abyss chokeslams Sabin onto Shelley. Sabin lands a running Yaskuza kick on Abyss. The Guns follow up with another double team, and Abyss rolls to the outside. Shelley dives over the top rope in a cross body, but Abyss catches him. Sabin hits a suicide dive and knocks Abyss down. Abyss catches Shelley up on his shoulders, and kicks Sabin in the face when he tries to make the save. Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Shelley while dropping a leg on Sabin. Sabin goes for a tornado DDT on Abyss from the top rope, but Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Sabin for the win. Post-match, Dr. Stevie berates the Guns and shoves them. The Guns retaliate with double team kicks to Dr. Stevie, hang him in the Tree of Woe, and hit him with a Hesitation Dropkick/super kick combination. Abyss applauds this. Abyss grabs a steel chair, and as the Guns leave, they encourage him to attack Dr. Stevie with it. Before Abyss can enter the ring, Kevin nash’s music hits, and the Old Man wanders down to the ring.
Nash accepts the bounty on Abyss, and claims that Abyss had stuck his nose in Nash’s business. Nash and Abyss will go at the next ppv, with the bounty on the line.
To the back! Lauren interviews Daffney about wrestling a debuting Hamada. Daffney relies on the violence. She counts sheep, but doesn’t like them to jump the fence. She drains their blood, skins them, and wears them to the supermarket. GOLD!
Daffney vs. Hamada: This is a “No DQ” match. Daffney starts with punches and they trade chest chops. Hamada kicks and stomps Daffney in the corner. Hamada throws Daffney over the top rope, but Daffney lands on the apron. Hamada hits a spinning heel kick to the head and knocks Daffney from the apron to the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Hamada has set up a table on the floor outside. Hamada hits a jumping enziguri, several headbutts, and a jumping DDT, but Daffney kicks out at two. Daffney hits a kick, but Hamada kicks out at two. Daffney stomps Hamada, and gets a chair. She swings it at Hamada, but misses and hits the ring post. Hamada puts the chair around Daffney’s head and throws her into the ringpost. She lays Daffney on the table and hits a huge Asai moonsault from the top turnbuckle, putting Daffney through the table. She drags Daffney into the ring and hits the Hamada Driver for the win.
Backstage, The Beautiful People are hunting Madison Rayne.
Angelina Love andVelvet Sky force their way past JB and into a dressing room where Madison Rayne is alone. They get in Rayne’s face about costing Love the Knockouts title, and the upcoming ass-kicking that Rayne will get from them. Rayne and a mystery partner take on TBP. Rayne shoves TBP, and they kick the crap out of her.
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero and Samoa Joe vs. Suicide and Daniels: This match follows up the opening match with no ending. Anyone who can find the joke about “The Pope” feuding with Suicide, please share it. I know that it’s there. Joe and Suicide start. Joe targets Suicide’s arm. Dinero tags in, and goes after Suicide, but Daniels helps double team Dinero, and then tags in. Daniels and Dinero go. Massive chants of “Pope is pimpin’!” We go to commercial break. When we return from the commercial break, Joe and Daniels are trading punches. Daniels hits the judo takedown. Dinero and Suicide tag in. Joe and Daniels involve themselves. Joe goes to the outside, and Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault from the top rope onto Joe. In the ring, Dinero pulls down his knee pads, and sets up for the running double knee strike that took out Creed last week. Suicide dodges and Dinero hits the ringpost. Suicide covers Dinero and gets the win. Daniels and Suicide celebrate outside, while Joe and Dinero look on with shock from the ring.
To the interview! Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley sit on a couch, and JB asks a few questions. Dixie announces the new three-year extension deal between TNA and Spike TV. Lashley says that his plans are to have equal success in MMA and TNA. Dixie talks up Lashley as though he is the only person TNA needs on the roster. She wants to see him with world titles on both shoulders, one from MMA and one from TNA. Dixie announces that Lashley’s ppv debut will be against Rhino. Thanks for giving away the result!
Hey, look! It’s Kurt Angle! He makes his way to the announce table and joins Mike Tenay and Taz. Angle talks up Morgan’s lack of experience.
Matt Morgan, Scott Steiner, and Booker T vs. Hernandez, AJ Styles, and Sting: Massive “AJ! AJ!” chants. Sting and Booker T start. Yawn. I despise Booker T with an unholy fiery passion of burning. Not in a heel heat way. In a “Please fall in front of a bus filled with nitroglycerine” way. Steiner and AJ go, and AJ levels Steiner with a drop kick. AJ tags in Hernandez. Hernandez wants Morgan. They charge each other twice. The third time, Morgan drops Hernandez with a clothesline. Hernandez gets Morgan in a long delayed suplex, and takes him down. Morgan rolls to the outside, where Booker and Steiner take him to task for leaving. Sting and AJ pull down the top rope as Hernandez flies over the top rope and takes out all three guys on the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Steiner and AJ are in the ring. Steiner outpowers AJ and throws him over in a suplex, but AJ kicks out at two. Morgan tags in, and continues to isolate AJ. AJ manages to roll past Morgan and tag in Hernandez. Hernandez hits a shoulder block on Morgan. The match breaks down, with everyone fighting. Morgan kicks Hernandez in the gut, and goes to take him up for the Hellavator. Steiner enters the ring with a chair, but Morgan refuses to let him get involved or use it. This allows Hernandez to get away and tag in AJ, who takes down Morgan and gets the three-count. Post-match, Steiner and Booker get in Morgan’s face and berate him. Morgan starts to walk off with them, but levels Booker and Steiner with clotheslines instead. He points at Angle, and gestures that he was thinking. It will be Angle defending the World Heavyweight title against Morgan and two others as yet unchosen in the main event of the ppv.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Hamada debuting against Daffney was good. The concept of an international talent requesting a “No DQ” match for her debut is cool. Daffney’s promo was great, but (as The Green Teabagger said) crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy. Daffney’s one flaw is that she mentions being crazy too often. If Nash collects the bounty on Abyss, I’m breaking something. Once again, a near-cripple who can barely walk ends up fairly high up on the ppv card, while others much more deserving are not. Who is Madison Rayne’s mystery partner? Supposedly, it’s someone we’ll all recognize. I’m intrigued. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is looking great, but shouldn’t a street preacher get promo time? Dixie’s praise of Lashley was awkward, and a bit too much, almost as if no one else besides Angle and Lashley even needs to be on the TNA roster. Lashley is still terrible on the mic, even in a sit-down interview from a couch. Chris Sabin got tv time. Hooray!!! The Motor City Machine Guns actually had a match. More hooray!!!However, a tag team losing to one guy, even when that one guy is the “Monster” of the company, only makes the tag team look weak. Matt Morgan gave the best promo of his career in the MEM locker room, and the Morgan/Hernandez segment of the main event is the kind of thing of which we should see more in TNA. All in all, a good show. I’m curious to see where things go from here.
Fresh off my coverage of the 22nd SummerSlam, I’ve saved this time to recap the event.
The PPV as a whole was between average and good. I enjoyed what I saw of the first match between Mysterio and Ziggler, and all bar the ending of the TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship, but other than that, I personally wasnt excited, even with the 16th return of D-Generation X.
I made up for the average 2009 version, by watching the 1998 edition of SummerSlam. Watching Jeff Jarrett get his hair cut by X-Pac and one-night only DX member, Howard Finkel, to Mankind defending the Tag Team titles unsuccessfully by himself against the New Age Outlaws to the Ladder match between Triple H and the Rock, and Stone Cold defeating the Undertaker for the WWF Championship.
Speaking of the WWE, I have decided to boycott all WWE programming until furhter notice, due to the sheer rubbish that it brings up every week. I will determine a return time in the future, but until then, I will not watch RAW, ECW or SmackDown!
Moving to the other side of the tracks so to speak, and this week on TNA’s iMPACT broadcast, history will be made. TNA President, Dixie Carter, will make her first appearance on the broadcast, and will make an announcement involving Bobby Lashley. Looks like another interesting iMPACT on the way (even though I already know what happens, thanks to the creator of these here parts).
Moving into the sporting world now, and former New York Giants Wide receiver Plaxico Burress was sentenced to two years prison for shooting himself pretty much. There goes him signing for the Eagles this year.
Brett Favre flunked in his first pre-season game wearing the Purple of the Minnesota Vikings. He went 1-4 with just 4 yards, in 2 sets of plays. First, the now fourth-string QB, John David Booty, gives his #4 to Favre, then Favre has 4 pass attempts, and gets 4 yards. I sense a pattern. The weird thing about all this? Brett Favre’s favourite number is 7.
For those who haven’t heard of Caster Semenya, well arent you in for a surprise. Semanya, won the Women’s 800m race at the IAAF Athletics Championships recently. However, she could be stripped of the Gold medal, as officals aren’t sure if 18 year old is infact, a female. Here’s a picture of her. I’ll let the BWF readers decide for themselves. Here’s more information on the story. If you still aren’t unsure, if you unjumble the letters of her full name ‘Caster Semenya’ you get ‘Yes, A secret man’. I think we just found JT’s latest girl.
RIP Sen. Ted Kennedy. He passed away Tuesday after a long battle with Brain cancer.
I’m looking to picking up the new Rise and Fall of WCW dvd. I hear good things.
That’s all for the War for another week. It looks like I’m recapping ECW again this week, as well as SmackDown! from last week. Unless of course, someone else picks up the slack. If they don’t, then they’ll be there by the end of the week.
Stay tuned to BWF throughout the week for your wrestling fix.
Last night, while security was detaining a fan, Randy Orton hit an RKO and pinned John Cena to retain the WWE Championship. It wasn’t really a fan, however, it was Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett. Orton says that Brett DiBiase’s actions were inexcusable, and Cody Rhodes points out that Orton would’ve won anyway.
Floyd “Money” Mayweather is our guest host tonight – but first, it’s the boss, look busy!
Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring, and he seems to be in a good mood. He says that tonight’s guest host is one of the greatest showmen, one of the greatest fighter of all time, Floyd “Money” Mayweather! But before we get to that, the referee’s decision, despite the controversey, is final. It’s time to clear up that controversey, John Cena will get his rematch in about three weeks on a pay per view. It’s a brand new concept, aptly known as “Breaking Poing,” in which the main events are submission matches. Cena and Orton’s match will be an “I Quit” match. And if anybody interferes on behalf of Orton, he’ll immediately be stripped of the WWE Championship. Have a good night!
BREAK IT DOWN!
Before the chairman can leave ringside, Triple H and HBK, collectively known as Degeneration X, make their way to the ring. Mr. McMahon tells them to have a good night. Triple H says we probably expected them on a tank, but with the economy, they couldn’t afford it. He then says that he doesn’t like good guy Mr. McMahon. It’s creepy. Like Michael Vick at a PETA convention. HBK says it’s yucky. Triple H says there must be a reason he’s in a good mood. The boss says he knows where this is going. HBK asks if today is August 24th. He thinks somebody’s got a birthday. Triple H says it’s Dave Chappelle. HBK says to think whiter and crazier. Triple H says Marley Matlin. HBK says older and more incoherent. Triple H wonders who we know that’s old, crazy, and incoherent. Oh wait! It’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon’s 84th Birthday! The fans start chanting “84.” Triple H corrects himself and says it’s his 74th birthday. The fans chant “74.” Triple H says he’s actually 70. Mr. McMahon says “I’m 64!” Triple H and HBK are surprised that he told everybody how old he is. McMahon tells them to leave. HHH asks how many birthday’s he’s got left, especially in Vegas. HBK says that if he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, because he’s a pioneer. Triple H says he was a real pioneer with the wagon and everything. HBK says no, he’s the reason we watch WWE Television. If he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, but he wants to show him a tribute. It’s a nice touching tribute – until they play the clip of “Stand Back.” Then they show a bunch of Vince’s not so proud moments at the hands of not only DX, but Bobby Lashley, Steve Austin, Mae Young and others. McMahon says he won’t forget about this. Triple H says at his age he probably will forget about it, but he certainly won’t forget about this – a birthday cake is wheeled down to the ring as HBK starts singing “Happy Birthday.” Triple H interrupts and says something’s not right. This is Vegas. Anybody can have a cake, but in Vegas, things are done differently. HBK says that he’s been told that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Triple H says that even if Mr. McMahon sends out memo not to mention his birthday, sometimes people just have to do it anyway. HBK says that he was roped into this, but anyway, you can’t have a Vegas birthday without showgirls. So of course, this brings out the Vegas showgirls. Mr. McMahon asks how much longer this is going to go on. Triple H says they also got him Cirque De Sole, and a couple of the Cirque De Soley pogo stilt guys come out. Mr. McMahon says their masks are really gay. Triple H makes fun of the guys bouncing around the ring, and Vince asks if they’re done. HBK says you can’t have a birthday in Vegas without the king of Rock and Roll, Elvis. An Elvis impersonator makes his way to the ring. McMahon calls him the skinniest Elvis he’s ever seen. Triple H hands him a microphone, and Elvis gives Mr. McMahon his sunglasses and leads everybody in singing Happy Birthday to the chairman. Triple H says he thinks Mr. McMahon should look at his cake – it’s no ordinary cake, if you get what he means. Some music starts playing, and Big Dick Johnson comes out of the cake. Mr. McMahon tosses him out of the ring, and says he’s had enough of this birthday crap. Triple H says there’s one more thing, and they kick out the showgirls, the Crique De Sole guys, and Elvis. HBK says he had nothing to do with this. Triple H says it’s a private thing so we should all close our eyes. He says he’s got one more present for Mr. McMahon. They position him in the ring as if something were going to drop on him, but Rhodes and DiBiase attack from behind. DX fend them off this time, and the WWE Champion appears on the top of the ramp. Triple H says that since Floyd Mayweather hasn’t gotten here yet, it’s going to be all three members of Legacy against DX and their partner, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Mr. McMahon says it’s no disqualification. He says he’s always wanted to do this part – “If you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya!”
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Santino is already in the ring, which means he’s probably doing the J.O.B. His opponent tonight is The Miz… and he’s… AWESOME!
The Miz def. Santino
The Miz looks to be more focused than ever before, and more aggressive as well. Santino starts to build some momentum, but it just takes one mistake on his part for The Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
After the match, The Miz takes a microphone, and he says he’s now one step closer to defeating Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion, because he’s The Miz… and he’s.. AWESOME!
There’s three Divas in boxing gear walking towards the ring. That can only mean one thing – dinnertime!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
I love it when the WWE does these “Did You Know” segments about having more viewers than Monday Night Football when it’s the pre-season, like it’s some kind of accomplishment.
This is a six-Diva cluster*(# “Mayweather Melee”
Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendez, & Alicia Fox def. Gail Kim, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly
I’m not reviewing this crap. In fact, I didn’t watch it. I went and popped my dinner in the microwave and came back to Beth Phoenix’s team celebrating in the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
HBK is concerned about the match later tonight. HHH is too concerned about The Rise and Fall of WCW DVD. HBK thought they only shilled their own merch. HHH says that they need to get Vince motivated to fight, and he should be absolutely fuming right about now. Backstage, Jillian is dressed like Marilyn Monroe and sings happy birthday to Mr. McMahon until he kicks her out.
Welllll – BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Last year, I went to WrestleMania, and I saw Floyd Mayweather knock out The Big Show with a pair of brass knucks. Here, let’s watch it again! Anyways, Big Show says that Mayweather is doing the right thing – he’s hiding from him. If Show gets his hands on him, he’s going to hurt him. He hasn’t forgotten about WrestleMania, and they have some unfinished business. Show says he’s not leaving the ring, and nobody can make him, until Mayweather shows up. Jericho says nobody can make him leave. It’s 9:52, and Floyd Mayweather finally strolls into the arena.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Big Show and Chris Jericho are awaiting the arrival of Floyd “Money” Mayweather. Lillian introduces him as the Quarter Billion Dollar Man. Floyd makes his way out to the ring with his entourage – and with a stack of money strapped to his arm for some reason. After milking his entrance for about 20 minutes, Mayweather gets in the ring, where he’s towered over by both The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Mayweather reminds Show about WrestleMania, and he says he’ll do it again tonight, but he’s got a September 19th PPV bout that’s more important. Mayweather gets in Jericho’s face. Jericho says that he was introduced as the greatest fighter in the world, but Jericho disagrees. He thinks he’s a great self promoter and a showboater, but he’s not that good of a boxer. He thinks, little man, that his big comeback fight against Juan Manuel Marquez, he’s going to get knocked out. Show says that after Marquez cleans his clock, maybe he and Jericho will step in the ring, take whats left, and wipe him from the face of the planet.
I’m Comin!
MVP makes his way to the stage, and tell Big Show and Jericho that he doesn’t appreciate them talking to Money Mayweather that way, since he’s made him a lot of money. Jericho may look up 16 syllable words in his Oxford Dictionary every week, but Mayweather could knock him out 37 times before he can open his mouth. Kinda like he did to The Big Show last year. Jericho points out that Mayweather did it with the help of 18 friends. MVP says Show could’ve done the same if he had any friends. Jericho says Show is his friend. MVP says the only reason Jericho’s on RAW is because he’s one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions. MVP wishes that somebody would beat them so they could send Jericho back to SmackDown. He asks Mayweather for a tag title shot with a partner of his choosing at Breaking Point. Mayweather says let’s do it tonight. He asks if MVP has a partner in mind. MVP says he does…
Somebody’s gonna get they ass kicked…
Mark Henry joins MVP on the stage, and it looks like we’ve got a tag title match coming up NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
MVP & Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho & The Big Show
This match is apparently not for the tag titles, but instead if MVP and Henry win, they get a tag title shot at Breaking Point. The Tag Champs keep control of this one by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep the fresh man in the ring. Gorilla Monsoon would be so proud. The champs are doing a great job of keeping MVP away from Mark Henry as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
MVP is still cut off from Mark Henry when we come back. The Unified Tag Team Champions are still dominating this match. MVP rolls out of the way of a Lionsault, and he manages to make the tag. Rather than tag out, Jericho goes straight at Henry. He goes for the Codebreaker, but Henry catches him. Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Jericho reverses it into a DDT for a two count. Henry tags MVP back in, who takes Jericho down and hits the Ballin’ elbow for a two count. Jericho hits the running enziguri, but Henry breaks up the pin. He tosses The Big Show out of the ring, and Mayweather puts brass knucks on the hand of MVP, who uses them to knock out Chris Jericho for the win!
Big Show carries Jericho’s unconscious body out of the arena as Floyd Mayweather celebrates with MVP and Mark Henry.
Rhodes and the DiBiases are discussing how they have the advantage in their match tonight, since it’s no DQ. Orton comes in and dismisses Brett DiBiase. He tells the other members of Legacy that tonight, he’s going to take out Mr. McMahon for good.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Last week, Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero with a little help from Kevin McCallister. This week, they’re going to have a boxing match. The referee tells Chavo he won’t need his gloves. He goes out of the ring and grabs some big glove boxing gloves. Chavo says he’s still gonna knock Hornswoggle out.
Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero (again)
Chavo misses with a punch and Hornswoggle gets some body blows in. This happens a couple of times, and the third time, Hornswoggle gets a headshot, knocking Chavo down for a two or three count. Chavo takes his gloves off and bodyslams Hornswoggle, earning the disqualification.
After the match, Chavo climbs the ropes and is looking for the Frog Splash, when Evan Bourne comes out to make the save. He knocks Guerrero down and hits the Air Bourne before going to check on Hornswoggle.
Still to come, DX and Mr. McMahon vs. Legacy.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Mr. McMahon is warming up backstage with Floyd Mayweather when Carlito walks in and complains that he’s not on the show. Triple H comes in and says Mayweather’s doing a great job. Triple H then says something about getting busy with Stephanie, which prompts Mr. McMahon to knock Carlito out.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
ThinkSoJoE Note: Every week, much like RAW itself, we bring you a special guest host for the main event of RAW – for the sheer fact that I work a night job and cannot cover it myself. This week’s guest host is BWF’s Random Redhead, JT!
DX comes out first, I wonder if the cheers are real or fake?
Vince out next, crowd quiet.
Legacy out last, they walk to the ring slowly.
HBK is thrown out to Legacy.
Vince starts out with Rhodes
Then HBK, then HHH
Rhodes is all alone, is then thrown out to his buddies.
Commercial Break- Whopper Jr. is only $1. But the Tendercrisp is better.
Go see Halloween 2 or Michael Myers will come visit you.
Back
DiBiase has HHH in a headlock, but he fights out of it and hits DiBiase with a DDT
Tag to HBK who dominates DiBiase
Big elbow by HBK off the top rope.
Rhodes interferes
Orton tags in and stomps on HBK
Knee to the head be Orton
Tag to Rhodes, he dominates
HBK tries to fight out but is unsuccessful
Tag to Orton, the beatdown on HBK continues
Pin attempt-2
Orton headlock on HBK
HBK fights out
Tag to Rhodes, but HBK tags HHH
HHH dominates
Spinebuster, then Pedigree
tag to Vince
pin attempt-2
Orton tries to kink Vince in the head, HBK stops it
Orton tries to run, but Cena comes out
HBK hits Sweet Chin Music
Cena hits the F-U
Vince pins Orton
Your winners DX & Vince Mcmahon
We fade to black with Cena, DX and Vince McMahon standing tall.
Thanks, JT!
My Thoughts: I didn’t hate the opening segment. A lot of people that I talked to tonight did, but I’m not in that category. I actually laughed a couple of times, which is more than I can say about most RAW segments not involving Santino Marella in the last few months.
This “guest host pisses off The Big Show” thing has got to stop. Unless Shaq and Floyd Mayweather are going to be teaming up at whatever PPV is after Breaking Point to take on Jericho and The Big Show, I don’t see the point of it. Also, the same goes for Chavo Guerrero jobbing to Hornswoggle. I get it, the guest hosts are amused by Chavo’s inability to beat the little guy. It’s getting old.
Speaking of old, happy birthday, Mr. McMahon! BTW, Mr. McMahon, if you’re looking for writers for RAW that understand professional wrestling, I can recommend about five people…
I’m slacking again, aren’t I? I missed reviewing SmackDown on Friday, but to be fair, I haven’t had a lot of time to do anything all weekend. I missed my usual Saturday timeslot for ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts. I did not, however, miss SummerSlam.
It’s very rare for me to miss any of the big four WWE Pay Per Views. I’ve been watching SummerSlam since 1988, and I wasn’t about to let the fact that I was only on about 3 hours sleep and am going to be trying to get a new job in the morning get in my way of watching the 21st edition of the Biggest Party of the Summer. Besides, CM Punk was winning his title back.
We’ll start at the beginning, I guess. Rey Mysterio beat Dolph Ziggler, which is fine with me. My biggest problem with the match is that Mysterio came out first. I remember watching a WCW show – I want to say it was a Clash of the Champions event on TBS – and whoever the champion was at the time came out first for the main event. The announcers explained that the champion wanted to come out first to avoid being assaulted backstage – or something like that. Anyways, the point is, in championship matches, it’s the challenger that’s supposed to come out first. If you have to have the champion come out first, give us a reason for it. Don’t just wake up one day and decide, “ah, you know what, I’m going to chuck tradition out the window and have the champion come out first for almost every title match.”
Later in the night, The Big Show and Chris Jericho also came to the ring first for their title defense, as did Christian for his.
Speaking of Christian, I actually missed the match. I was in the BWF forums typing a message before the bell rang, and by time I clicked over, Regal was standing tall over Christian, who retained his title in a SummerSlam-record 8 seconds before being beaten down by Regal and his cronies.
Was anybody else really hoping that Legacy would get the win over DX? I was already tired of RAW, now I have DX to deal with every week. Fun.
That Orton/Cena match was bizarre. From the second Lillian screwed up her announcement of the first false finish, to the fan who jumped in and attacked the referee, it was just a strange match. The question remains whether or not that fan was a plant or just some stupid mark. The fact that it looked like Cena had the match all but won and wound up losing due to the involvement of that “fan” leads me to believe that it was definitely a plant.
And the Undertaker returned. While I was expecting the lights to go out and a message to be sent to CM Punk, I was certainly not expecting The Undertaker to magically appear in the place of Jeff Hardy and chokeslam Punk.
Tonight should prove to be Lillian’s last night with the WWE, and Friday’s SmackDown may be Jeff Hardy’s last night, but of course, Matt Hardy has said that Jeff is staying with the company past SummerSlam. Take that for what it’s worth, it was another Matt Hardy attempt to work the internet.
That’s it for me guys, I should be around tonight with the WWE RAW results.
The one they call ‘Legend Killer’ here to bring you SummerSlam. Now, due to technical difficulties, I missed a portion of the event. Here’s what we’ve missed.
SUMMERSLAM PRE-SHOW: 15-DIVA BATTLE ROYAL
Chavo Guerrero is Guest referee.
YOUR WINNER: Beth Phoenix with help from Chavo Guerrero.
Post-Royale, Hornswoggle comes down to ringside, and with the Divas holding Chavo down. Hornswoggle hits the Tadpole Splash.
MATCH#1: WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
YOUR WINNER AND STILL INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: Rey Mysterio
Josh Mathews interviewed MVP and Jack Swagger before their match.
MATCH#2: MVP vs. Jack Swagger
YOUR WINNER: MVP
Spot the celebrity was next. Luke Perry, Nancy O’Dell and last week’s RAW Guest Host, Freddie Prinze Jr. are in attendance.
MATCH#3: UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Chris Jericho and Big Show (c) vs. Cryme Tyme
YOUR WINNERS AND STILL UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Chris Jericho and Big Show
An interview with CM Punk comes next. He’s going to re-write the ending of the Jeff Hardy screenplay he was handed.
That’s it for the catch-up. The Real Real-Time, begins NOW!
MATCH#4: Kane vs. Great Khali w/Runjin Singh
Kane tries to attack, but Khali counters easily. Khali sends Kane over the top, but Kane hangs him up on the top rope. Khali misses a Leg drop, and Kane takes advantage. Kane apparently has evil elbows. Kane goes foe the chokeslam, but Khali breaks it up and goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane breaks that up. Great Khali tries for the pin but only gets a 2.
Kane goes up top with a Clothesline, and gets a 2. Kane applies a reverse chinlock, with half a leg scissor, but Khali powers out of the hold, and breaks it with elbows, then hits a boot to the face. Khali gets a near fall, then applies the Vice Grip. Kane escapes, and drags in Runjin Singh. Khali doesn’t attack, and receives a dropkick to the knees for his trouble. One DDT later, and Kane gets the fall.
YOUR WINNER: Kane
A shot of Vince’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. More celebrity sightings. Someone from the Today Show, Slash and Robert Patrick.
Promo video for DX/Legacy.
Side Note: My predictions are 2 and 2 going by my predictions on this very site, earlier in the week.
MATCH#5: D-GENERATION X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels) vs. LEGACY (Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes)
DX with a new opening section to their music, as the Army come out and fire guns in the air. HHH and HBK come out on a tank. After what seems like an eternity, DX finally enter the ring, say their usual, then Legacy hit the ring.
Helmsley and DiBiase start. Both men fight for early momentum, and it goes to the Game. Hunter with a suplex, into a Knee Drop for the two count. Rhodes gets the tag, and meets the High Knee of the Game. Rhodes slaps HBK, so HHH tags him in. Cody beats HBK in an upper hand battle with a slap, so Michaels takes him down with a tackle. Michaels repays one of the slaps, then starts tuning the band, but Rhodes escapes to the outside.
Shawn with a side headlock, but Cody escapes and tags in DiBiase. Michaels with hard chops in the corner, but gets sent across the ring by Teddy, and he does his traditional flip on the turnbuckle, meeting a clothesline on his way back. Rhodes back in, and he continues the assault. A near fall follows, and DiBiase gets the tag back in.DiBiase with a chin lock, but Michaels escapes, then hits a running neckbreaker. Michaels gets the tag to Hunter and he lets loose on Legacy. Triple H looks for the Pedigree on DiBiase, but Rhodes breaks it up. Michaels takes care of Rhodes, and as the referee is distracted, DiBiase gets a Low Blow in on Helmsley.
Legacy work on HHH in the corner, tagging in and out frequently to keep each man fresh. DiBiase with a chin lock on Helmsley, Trips tries to make the tag to his partner, but its inches in it, before Teddy pulls him away. Trips finally escapes the hold, and both men are down. Cody gets the tag and DDT’s Triple H. Cody with what looks like an Armbar-type hold, as Helmsley tries to make the tag to Shawn. Triple H escapes, and both men down again. DiBiase gets the tag, and he knocks down HBK before Triple H can get the tag.
DiBiase and Helmsley share punches in the corner, then Helmsley whips DiBiase across, but HHH meets a back elbow. DiBiase charges at H, but Trips side-steps, sending Teddy Jr. to the outside. Both men in, and both get the tag. Michaels fires at Cody, attacking on all cylinders, until diBiase attacks him from behind. Triple H takes care of DiBiase, as Michaels continues the attack on Rhodes. HBK heads up top for the elbow, but Rhodes counters, knocking HBK down. Cody tries a suplerplex, but HBK knocks him off the ropes and onto the mat. Michaels goes for the elbow again, but this time Cody gets his knees up. Rhodes tries a pinfall but only gets 2. Michaels locks in the Figure 4 on Rhodes, but DiBiase breaks it up. Triple H tries a Pedigree on DiBiase, but Rhodes breaks it up.
Shawn tries Sweet Chin Music again, but Rhodes counters into the Cross-Rhodes. Cody tries a pin, but Triple H breaks it up. Carnage follows, as DiBiase gets in DreamStreet on Michaels, but Triple H takes DiBiase out. Michaels and Rhodes help each other up it seems, then HBK fires Sweet Chin Music from nowhere, and gets the fall.
YOUR WINNERS: D-GENERATION X
I now go above 50% for my predictions, and after being 0-2, I’m now 3-2.
A promo for the NBC special of Wrestlemania 25.
MATCH#6: ECW CHAMPIONSHIP
Christian (c) vs. William Regal w/Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov
A confrontation before the match as both men argue, the bell rings, and as Regal is taking off his robe, Christian nails the Unprettier for the pinfall.
YOUR WINNER AND STILL ECW CHAMPION: Christian
Post-match, Jackson and Kozlov, begin a beatdown of the Champion, Regal applies the Regal Stretch, and the Champion is left laying. Just like that, I’m 3-3.
A video of the WWE superstars around Los Angeles for SummerSlam.
OFFICAL SONG: ‘You Gotta Move’ by Aerosmith
Recap of last week’s Main Event from RAW between Orton/Cena and Jericho/Show.
MATCH#7: WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena
Time to hear those Voices in your head. The ones the council you, that talk to you, that understand.
Champion introductions, as the bell rings.
Cena with a takedown into a Front Facelock for the early advantage. Cena tries to work on the arm of Orton, but receives right hands in the form of a fist to the face for his troubles. But these don’t last long, as Cena regains the advantage. He sends Randy to the corner, then drops him with a Bulldog for the two. Orton now with the upper hand, pummeling Cena in the corner, before sending him hard across into another corner. Orton starts dissecting Cena, stomping on everything that makes up the being of John Cena, before a jumping knee lands on the chest of the challenger, and Randy gets a near fall from it.
Cena tries to regain momentum, but Orton nails his BackBreaker for another near-fall. Randy now applies a chin lock, as the crowd is divided between the Cena haters and the ten-year old Cena fans. Randy turns the hold into a Leg Scissors as well as the chin lock, but Cena powers out. Cena with the Warrior Shoulder blocks, then the reverse powerbomb-type move. Next comes the 5-knuckle shuffle, and as Cena looks to finish him off, Orton gets a slam in and the near fall.
Randy begins the dissection, but Cena rolls out of the way of the Knee Drop. Cena attacks, but Orton avoids and Cena ends up on the outside. Cena tries to get back in, but Orton gets a DDT in, and gets a near fall. Orton begins his stalking for the Scott Norwood Punt, and like Norwood, he misses as Cena gets out of the way, and nails the Throwback. Cena nails what looked like the Fame Asser for the two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton escapes, and both men down take each other down with clotheslines. The ref’s ten count begins, and both men are up at 8. Both men exchange shots, and Cena gains the advantage with the Back Body Drop. Thats enough for Orton however, as he pushes the referee down and gets the blatant DQ.
YOUR WINNER AS A RESULT OF DISQUALIFICATION: John …
Wait a minute, Lilian sends a message, on behalf of Vinnie Mac, that the match is restarted, and if Orton is DQ’ed again, then he loses the Gold.
Orton sends Cena into the ring steps, then sends him in the ring for a couple of near-falls. Orton rolls out of the ring, as I notice two BEER MONEY!!!! fans in the audience. Orton decides that he’ll deliberately get counted out this time, allowing Cena to win again.
YOUR WINNER VIA COUNTOUT: John …
Wait, wait, wait. Vinnie Mac talks psychically with Lilian and the match gets restarted again.
Cena tries to finish it, but Orton rolls him up with his feet on the ropes and gets the 3!!
YOUR WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: Randy …
Just when you thought it was all over, a second referee comes down and tells the first referee, that Orton’s feet were on the ropes. So we restart again …
Cena locks in the STF and has Orton beat, until what looked like a fan comes in and attacks the referee, causing confusion amongst everyone.
The match gets started yet again, Orton nails the RKO and finally gets the victory.
YOUR WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: Randy Orton
Promo video for the TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship is shown.
MAIN EVENT: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
TABLES, LADDERS AND CHAIRS (oh my!)
Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk
Champion introductions once again, as the bell rings. Punk with the assault early in the corner on Hardy. Punk with a chair, and introduces it to Jeff Hardy. Punk with the ladder in the ring, and as he climbs, Jeff knocks him down. Now it’s Hardy with an attack in the corner. Jeff goes to climb, and Punk knocks him down. Punk goes for the GTS, but Hardy blocks it.
Jeff with the chair, sets it up, goes for Poetry In Motion and misses, and Punk catches him and hits a Back Breaker on the chair. Punk slams the Ladder on Hardy, then nails him with a low dropkick. Punk sends Hardy to the outside, then jumps out of the ring with a Suicide Dive, aniling the champion. Punk sets up a table at ringside, then grabs a chair and tries to mush Hardy’s head against the turnbuckle post, but to no avail. Hardy tries to send Punk to the ring steps, but Punk avoids the steps, only to receive a chair shot from the champion. Hardy then hits Poetry In Motion in the chair. Hardy sets Punk up on a table, and tries to put him through it with a Splash, but Punk rolls out of the way, and Hardy crashes and burns.
Punk tries for the belt again, but Hardy stops him and goes for the belt himself. Punk stops him before he can grab it and goes for the GTS, but receives a sit-down Powerbomb for his troubles. Hardy goes for the title, and just as he gets there, Punk pushes the ladder over, and Hardy crashes. Punk then puts Hardy on the top rope, and nails a Superples off it, onto a Ladder. Jeff nails a Twist of Fate, then heads up top and goes for the Swanton, but Punk gets his knees up. Punk goes for the Bulldog Headlock, but Hardy puts Punk through the table that Punk had setup earlier.
Hardy goes to climb again, but Punk springboards off the ropes and knocks Hardy off. Punk puts the chair around Hardy’s neck, and looks to send him into the turnbuckle post, but Hardy blocks it, and bashes Punk with the chair. Hardy hits Punk with a piece of the Spanish announce table, then hits him with the chair again. Hardy then grabs a super ladder, climbs to the very top, and Swanton’s CM Punk through the Spanish Announce table.
The stretchers are out, and Hardy’s being whisked away. Meanwhile, Punk has crawled in the ring, and is headed for the belt. Punk climbs, Jeff makes it to the ladder as well, and both are on the ladder. Punk kicks Hardy off the ladder, and unhooks the belt to become champion.
YOUR WINNER AND NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: CM Punk
Punk towers over Hardy and just when you think it’s over, the lights go out, and Taker’s gong hits. The lights come back, and Punk isn’t towering over Hardy anymore. Taker gets up and chokeslams the new Champion.
My predictions ended at 5-3. Pretty good I think, always over 50% is a good thing.
Overall, the PPV was good. I enjoyed watching it. The opening match was a good opening, and the Main event was a good viewing, even thought the finish was a little scrappy I thought, but with Hardy leaving, the return of the Undertaker, means that Punk has his opponent for Breaking Point. This has been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, tune in tomorrow night for RAW.
It’s amazing really, I barely talked about the SummerSlam Pay-Per-View LIVE in about … 14 hours time, which means … it’s prediction time.
MVP vs. Jack Swagger
The man I call Dusty Rhodes gets the win. Listen to Swagger speak, then you’ll know.
Kane vs. the Great Khali
I can’t stand Khali, so I hope Kane wins. Then again, Kane needs the mask.
Unified Tag Team Championship: JeriShow (c) vs. Cryme Time
If Cryme Tyme win, then it will be a joke. Jericho and Show with the victory.
ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. William Regal
William Regal. Sure, it will technically count as a Major Championship reign, but having he, Kozlov and Zeke as a stable on ECW, could be a really good thing. Especially, with the leader with the belt.
Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
I can’t stand Rey. I couldn’t stand him as a Filthy Animal, and I can’t stand him now. Give Ziggler the win, even though he was a stupid name.
Legacy vs. D-Generation X
Legacy should win, however they won’t. DX pickup the win.
WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs John Cena
Orton should retain. I hope the snipers come and shoot Cena.
World Heavyweight Championship: TLC: Jeff Hardy (c) vs CM Punk
Considering Hardy is leaving either at SummerSlam, or the week after. Punk will win. Punk should win. Vampiro doesn’t deserve it.
There you go, that’s who will win. I will be watching if I am awake. If the PPV is not up to scratch, then I wont be watching Floyd Mayweather Guest Host RAW.
I hate Diva wrestling. Beth Phoenix wins. This match got way too much time.
Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs Tyler Reks
Is Shelton a babyface or heel right now? They need to make up their mind with that. Tyler Reks blows choad. He walks like he just took it up the butt right before coming to the ring. Shelton hits Paydirt for the win.
Match 3: Charlie Haas vs R-Truth
Holy Crap! There’s been an R-Truth sighting!!! Where has this guy been? He must have been skippin’ and jumpin’ to the wrong cities and arenas. I think Haas will be future endeavored soon. Truth wins with the Lie Detector.
Main Event: Mizzark Henry vs The Masterpiece Chris Masters
Masters seems to have used his hiatus from WWE to get back on the roids to beef up a little more. I like the Masterpiece. He’s a guy that could be the next Batista ( in terms of popularity) if they use him right. Big Mark looks like Koolaid in that red. Mark Henry gets the win via countout, as Masters walks away from the ring.
Ok. It looks like Superstars has finally become what it was intended to be, as all the time went to the midcarders. Check me out again next week, as more midcarders get TV exposure without getting crapped on by HHH or John Cena…maybe.
