Smackdown 01/20/12: Sin City Smackdown, Actually.By G · · 4 Comments
So much to talk about in the world of professional wrestling this week… but tonight, I’ll just focus on the Blue Brand, Smackdown. Be sure to tune in for BWF Radio this Sunday as we run down the week’s news and results. Until then, let’s get ourselves immersed in the gambling culture pages like Ted is Real with some good reviews from www.boomtownbingo.com/good-day-bingo-review. Let’s not forget the grapplers that do battle there, shall we?
Somehow this happens…
I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.
– First we run down the Show Murders AJ storyline from last week. It’s a well put together montage of clips that helps remind the audience of Bryan’s subtle slow heel turn as a conniving motherfucker. Love it.
– All bets are off in Las Vegas, and Garcia introduces Bryan to come down to the ring and address the crowd (hopefully not the home of the soon-to-be-relocated Phoenix Coyotes). Bryan points out Show is the World’s Biggest Athlete while AJ is all of 95 lbs. Show was not sorry, those tears were crocodile tears, etc. Bryan pours salt onto the wounds, reminding the crowd that Show is bitter that he has the prestige, or “accomplishment” if you will, of holding the shortest ever title reign at 45 seconds. He also claims AJ “insisted” at being at ringside (love this part, and Bryan says she loves him and that was her motivation). “And I… have a great admiration for her as well,” he continues, “which is why this week on RAW, I dedicated my match to her.” Brilliant! The crowd is SUPER over with heat on this! YES! We need Bryan in this role, what a great speech. Bryan tells Show (not here tonight) to do the right thing and just quit.
I’m unsure how this works… eerily disturbing…
– Backstage to some gambling segment with people, the situation was not unlike casinos that offer real money game play, people were dressed nice and ready to play. Then slide over to Aksana dressed as a showgirl and Teddy Long by the WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE!! Cody Rhodes is here to take a spin… he gets a “Player’s Choice” which means he can pick his opponent, meaning anyone… Take a guess who he picks…
– * Cody Rhodes vs. Hornswoggle. This is immediately changed with interference on the microphone by everyone’s favorite werewolf, Justin Gabriel. Gabriel tells him to pick on someone his own size, etc. Rhodes accepts… Ergo…
– * Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel. Things start pretty good, as the two mix it up style wise. I would hardly say that Rhodes is carrying Gabriel, but it is clear who the ring general is. Sadly, this general enjoys his
rest spots head locks. Gabriel lands a sick Shining Wizard spot, and almost has time to set up a 450 Splash… near falls abound!! A Cross-Rhodes finisher ends the bout. We got a solid 5 – 6 minute bout here. Worth the watch.
Charles Barkley @G: “You know, if those honkeys had passed their SOPA/PIPA garbage, I wouldn’t be able to tell you how turrible your wrestling crap is every week.”
G @Charles Barkley: “Umm… thanks? Yeah, I’d miss you too, Barks.”
– It’s Mark Henry’s time to spin the wheel! Long tells Henry to spin the wheel… “What are you talking about!?!? YOU Spin the wheel, it’s your contest!!” He will face Bryan in a Lumberjack match later tonight…
– *Primo/Epico vs. The Usos. Hey two legitimate tag teams! The funny thing here, is that these two are the only teams active in the WWE that look like tagteams. Both are brothers, with matching ring attire… imagine that. 3 minute match, not terrible, not amazing.
– Sheamus is up to spin the wheel next… he gets a tables match against Barrett. Then some more sexual innuendo with Aksana and Long. I go kill myself again.
This is probably the truth 99% of the time you ask that question. Hmm… good gif!
– FUCK YES. SOMEONE BETTAH CALL MY MAMA! It’s a dance off with everyone’s current Funk themed dinosaur, Brodus Clay… and someone… who could that be, you ask? As we wait, Clay works his new “T-Rex” dance move into his repertoire as first seen on Monday.
– I call my Mom. She’s awesome. Then I call Brodus’ Mom. That doesn’t go over so well. She asks who this is, and I tell her G of WPO and BWF fame. She tells me to stop calling, or she will call the police. I note to her that the lyrics of her son’s theme song don’t mention the Po-Po.
– For some reason Vickie Guerrero comes down… and she is Brodus’ opponent in the dance off? In all fairness Vickie cuts a great promo about her ability to dance… but then she does the Elaine from Seinfeld. You know the one…
– Brodus’ Funkette’s destroy Vickie with their moves before Brodus comes in and does even better. Lillian Garcia polls the crowd, and of course Brodus gets the fan reaction. The sinister music of William Regal hits, and he demands to the crowd, “How dare you mock this buxom wench!?!?” Vickie is torn up, as Regal consoles her… Brodus demands, “Where are you going Sunshine, are you a funky chicken?” Regal demands his music played, and he cuts a rug like only he can… this is ended by by a Brodus splash. Entertaining segment to say the least. I watch it a second time since I was typing so much while I was typing. I am FAR from sick of this. I funking love it.
– * Tables match: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett. I still don’t like Barrett wearing a suit jacket as a cape. Not a major issue, but the little things do make a difference. But what I do like, is the tension between these characters. Obviously stemming out of the long, long history between the Isle of Eire and those who serve the monarch of England. They haven’t even played off of the unspoken history yet, but us 10%’ers within the 10%’ers are nerding out online over this little backstory. Barrett almost immediately sets up a table (maybe he thinks he is Sabu in the 2007 Royal Rumble match?). Barrett looks to superkick Sheamus through the ropes to the table outside, nope. Then Barrett goes to superplex him from the apron onto it, nope. So Sheamus teaches children how to count, and toss Barrett onto the table outside BUT NO!!! Barrett over shoots the table, and lands on the announce table! Holy fuck! If that was planned, holy fuck!! They manage to take a table into the ring, and Barrett sets it up. I think they might have fucked this up, but if so, they certainly improvise around it well. Sheamus lays Barrett on the table, but as he goes to the top rope to finish him, Barrett reverses out… Sheamus JUMPS over the table to reverse!!! Sheamus leans the table in the corner, sets up the Celtic Cross…. NO!!! JINDER MAHAL!!! No deal, because the distraction allows Barrett to grab the Great White and toss him into the table, AND WIN! This was a great little match. Clever shit.
Damn, I wish shaving was this easy.
– Post match, the Calgarian Mahal goes for some revenge, but Sheamus recovers and slams him through a second table to further that program… I guess.
-* Flag Match: Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico. Nobody in this match gets to spin the wheel, instead, Teddy Long spins as the men stand in the ring. This is the first “Flag Match” in the history of Smackdown. Probably because it’s a terrible gimmick. Climb the pole, grab the flag and you win. Flags are hung in each mans respective opposite corner based on their nationality. I speak about stereotypes here, and on the BWF Radio every week. Meh. Hunico tosses Dibiase in sick fashion over the ropes, and he somehow gets up to prevent Hunico from grabbing the Mexican flag! Of course USA USA USA! Ted gets the win. Throw-away match, other than that one spot.
SOPA and PIPA might be shelved… for now. This animated gif needs to never be forgotten. And in all fairness, my reviews would all be considered piracy if they passed, hence ending my hobby of publishing retarded wrestling reviews. Just saying.
– Teddy Long meets with “Going to be fired every week” Drew McIntyre. This week he tells him he is fired for realz. With a “z.” Santino actually comes to his defense, saying that he is being told by the internet his win over McIntyre weeks ago was a fluke, and thus one more chance is granted… Drew gets a wheel spin, and probably the worst, if not one of, the shittiest gimmick matches ever is drawn. Fuck. Funny segment…. the match is going to fucking suck… read on…
Is this guy attacking a landmine? Crazy.
– * Blindfold Match: Santino vs. Drew McIntyre. It’s what you thing it was. Comedy, piss-break, time-wasting, slap-some-adjectives-on-it. The random wandering around garnered heat from the crowd, and honestly I’d probably mark out for this live. Just because of the rare use of the shtick. But I’m at home, and it’s 1 AM (DVR!). Santino uses the crowd to find his heel enemy, and lands the Cobra. WIN! Fired? Well… well… Not sure… we’re left hanging on this angle, for the fourth week in a row, as Lumberjacks sans chainsaws begin to trickle out for our mainevent.
Someone better call their Momma’s…
– * Lumberjack World Title Match: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan. The story here is the usual to start.
David Daniel vs. Goliath, as the champ throws everything except the kitchen sink at Sexual Chocolate to no avail. Panic sets in on Bryan’s face as we go to advertisements. We come back… and still the lumberjacks are unutlized for a long while… until Henry tosses him into the NXT/Superstars facePAC. Get me? Then everything gets chaotic as the heels run into the ring and attack Henry, while the faces attack Bryan! FUCK ME! There are like 40 guys in the ring beating down on everyone… Bryan manages to sneak out amid the chaos! BATTLE ROYALE BY DEFAULT!!!!! I LOVE THESE THINGS… Daniel Bryan saunters off as the brawl continues!!@!!
They never needed ladders anyways…
– Teddy Long confronts Bryan backstage, and Bryan demands to know why 30 guys are trying to attack him? Next week, Long tells us we will get a steel cage match to end this. Fucking great story telling. If there was an adjective used more offensively and awesomely than the word “fuck,” I’d use it.
– Verdict: What a great week of output from the WWE. And the funny thing is, my favorite is still from a little show called NXT. I’ll tell you why and what on the BWF podcast. Until then, catch you Sunday.
I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.
The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!
Bored Wrestling Fan
A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!
The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.
The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!
Raging Vagina Tractors.. That needs to be used more often
Slow progression of Daniels vs Show and Henry getting a rematch in a lumberjack match that sounds awesome. All the throwaway matches aside its nice to see them attempt to use Justin Gabriel. Good review as always and "Just Say No to SOPA!.
Poor Drew McIntyre. Seriously, what's the point of all of this? No one benefits from this ridiculous angle. If wins and losses are so important, then Jinder Mahal, Tyson Kidd, Natalya, and (as much as I dig the guy) Justin Gabriel should all be under the gun as well. I'd almost be more willing to accept the premise if everyone who has lost most of their matches recently had been called into a meeting with Long and told the same thing. Singling out one guy is just poor storytelling. It's annoying how Long only grows a set with Drew. Yes, I know that I've said this before.
Other than that, a fun show. As lousy as a blindfold match is, I almost choked on my tea when Santino blindfolded the cobra. That was gold!
Ok, while I didn't get the chance to retort on the Radio show today, yes… I did like that Santino blindfolded the Cobra.