We’re hot off the heels of the biggest Royal Rumble match in history, and tonight will see Alberto Del Rio’s victory celebrations continue… but you already knew that, right?

Speaking of SmackDown!, my immune system has been laying one on me, so apologies if this week’s instalment is snarkier (…smarkier?) than usual. I’ll pop a few more painkillers and see if I can dope myself up enough to enjoy the show (and maybe get some trippy visuals to go with it).

Also, speaking of the Rumble, regular readers (I know there’s at least a few of you out there – hello!) may have noticed that every single one of my PPV predictions from last week turned out to be drastically incorrect. Whoops… Although, I did guess Daniel Bryan would be No. 2 on my Facebook! Maybe I’ll fare better at Elimination Chamber… but probably not.

This is also my tenth report here on BoredWrestlingFan! How time flies. Quick thank yous to Joe and the team for being so awesome, as well as to everyone who reads the site!

Now, let’s get on with this week’s show before I get all emotional.

CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKAAAAAAA?! Booker T is the newest member of the SmackDown! announce team! I can certainly dig Booker being back in the WWE, and I’m sure he’ll do a great job on commentary (his comedy stint behind the desk with Kevin Nash – back during TNA’s Main Event Mafia days – was hilarious), but I don’t dig the loss of Matt Striker. Hopefully, as Joe said in his first A Minute with ThinkSoJoE video, we will see Striker on RAW next week. Please?

Booker gets a great reception from the crowd, and even performs a quick Spinneroonie in the ring. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler soon interrupt the party. As they’re approaching the ring, Josh Mathews gives an update on Teddy Long – apparently he’s not doing well in his recovery, and we may never see him on SmackDown! again. I guess we can assume that Vickie is the permanent GM, then? She has set up qualifying bouts tonight for the SmackDown! Elimination Chamber match – which will feature Edge defending his World Heavyweight title. Vickie also demands that Kelly Kelly comes down to the ring. Someone’s in trouble… Has Kelly had, er, ‘work done’? You know something’s going on if I noticed. Vickie says firing Kelly would be too easy – don’t they always say that? – so instead she’s going to humiliate the Diva. Our main event tonight is a 3-on-2 handicap match between Dolph Ziggler/LayCool and Edge/Kelly Kelly. Not only that, but the World Heavyweight Championship will be on the line – if Kelly Kelly is pinned by either member of LayCool, she will effectively lose Edge’s title for him, and Dolph will be crowned champion. No pressure, Kelly!

Kelly starts shrieking back at Vickie – with some conviction, I might add – before Dolph steps in and blames Kelly for his loss at the Royal Rumble. He orders her out of the ring, and she responds with a slap to the face before shoving Vickie to the mat. Out come LayCool, who are quickly followed by Edge to even the odds. Pretty bizarre opening segment, but maybe that’s just the painkillers talking.

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater: What did you think of the end to the Rumble match? When Santino reappeared in the ring, part of me really wanted him to dump Alberto Del Rio over the ropes and win the match. Most people would have torn it to shreds, but I would have marked the hell out! We’re shown a recap from Monday’s RAW – after Santino and Kozlov’s victory over members of the New Nexus, Randy Orton punted Husky Harris in the head. One word: BOO! A few more words: I wonder how long Husky will be out of action? Gabriel and Slater then appear – with new music, hooray! – and this match is underway. Let’s skip to my favourite moment and yours – Obligatory Tag Match Breakdown Time™! Justin Gabriel breaks up Kozlov’s pin attempt on Slater, then chucks Santino out of the ring. Kozlov returns the favour, which allows Heath Slater to take out the Moscow Mauler with a vicious reverse DDT. Slater tags in Gabriel, who hits the 450 Splash for the win. Your winners: Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match – Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre: A competitive back-and-forth match sees the Sinister Scotsman work Kingston’s midsection throughout – including an incredible tilt-a-whirl gutbuster. Towards the end, Alberto Del Rio appears on the Tron. All he does is wink, but it’s enough of a distraction to allow Drew McIntyre to hit the Futureshock DDT. We then get an unintentionally hilarious exchange on commentary (but, again, maybe it’s because I’m slightly delirious whilst watching this) – Michael Cole asks a deadpan Booker, ‘Have you ever had anybody wink at you?’ ‘…No.’ ‘What would you have done if he winked at you like that?’ ‘…I’d wink back.’ Your winner: Drew McIntyre

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match – Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger: This match is ridiculously one-sided in Swagger’s favour, which is a big surprise in itself. I guess it’s merely leading up to a typical Rey underdog comeback. Sure enough, Rey counters Swagger with a kick to the moosh before rolling him up for a surprise pin. Your winner: Rey Mysterio

Backstage, Edge is with Kelly Kelly. He’s lamenting the end to his title reign – way to have faith in Kelly, jerk. I can’t really blame him, though – I’d react in the exact same way. Kelly calls him out on it, and storms away when Edge tries to apologise. Forget other, um, ‘work’ – when did Kelly get a personality transplant?

We return from an ad break to see Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes making their way to the ring. ‘Swoggle’s stint in the Rumble was a harrowing ordeal – I’d hoped we would have a week or two to recover before being exposed to him again. He’s throwing things out into the crowd – I can almost guarantee it’s going to be something Knucklehead­-related. Ricardo Rodriguez appears at the top of the ramp to introduce Alberto Del Rio. I wonder if he’ll snap Hornswoggle’s arm off for us? I have a funny feeling we might see Rosa turn tonight, as well. Maybe she will snap his arm off – now that would be entertainment. I had a slightly disturbing dream involving Alberto Del Rio the other night, but I don’t think I should go into that right now…

Del Rio tells Hornswoggle he has a present for him. This is sounding more and more like my dream. Of course, Del Rio is referring to the piñata that is hanging above the ring. Ricardo blindfolds ‘Swoggle, hands him the stick and spins him round a few times. I’m pretty sure the stick is just a kendo stick painted in the colours of the Mexican flag – and, just as I type that, Hornswoggle smacks Del Rio in the gut with it. Accidentally, of course. I think that hit is being sold as a low-blow effort. Ouch. Del Rio responds by booting Hornswoggle in the face (G – please find me a gif of that!), to which Booker reacts: ‘Come on, n*****’! I swear to God, he just said the ‘n’ word. Maybe I misheard, but it sounded so much like that. Booker T, up to his old tricks. I can’t believe the production team missed that in the editing process! Anyway, Del Rio starts punching ‘Swoggle in the face, but Kofi comes to the rescue. This results in Del Rio snapping the kendo stick over Kofi’s back, before applying the Cross Armbreaker. A team of referees soon arrive to break it up. No turn for Rosa – I should really stop trying to predict things.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match – Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane: In fact, forget what I just said – I think we can all predict who will be advancing here. Chavo actually looks to cause an upset early on by landing his Frogsplash, but Kane grabs him round the throat on impact and hits a Chokeslam. Your winner: Kane

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match – Big Show vs. Wade Barrett: The odds are stacked against Big Show for a change – thanks to the other members of Corre surrounding the ring. Show accidentally whips Barrett into the referee, giving Ezekiel Jackson the opening to take the giant down with a clothesline. The referee only gets a 2-count before Show kicks out. Barrett immediately hits a low DDT, and this time he gets a 3. The rest of Corre pounces, and Zeke puts Show down with a huge powerslam. That dude is scary, legit. Your winner: Wade Barrett

So, there we have it – SmackDown!’s Elimination Chamber match will see Edge, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, Rey Mysterio, Kane and Wade Barrett compete for the World Heavyweight Championship. But who will enter the PPV as the champ? We’re about to find out.

World Heavyweight Championship – Dolph Ziggler/LayCool vs. Edge/Kelly Kelly: As Kelly makes her way to the ring, Mathews says that Dolph becoming champion tonight is an inevitability – usually when an announcer makes a statement like that, you know the opposite is about to happen. Before the bell rings, Vickie grabs a mic to ban Edge from using the Spear once again. As Michelle McCool enters the match, Edge is naturally reluctant to tag Kelly Kelly, but rules is rules! Kelly takes a beating from both members of LayCool in turn, but eventually manages to buy some time by hitting Layla with an X-Factor facebuster. She crawls over to tag Edge, but Ziggler runs in to distract the referee, nullifying the tag. A LayCool double team goes awry as Kelly ducks Michelle’s boot. Edge is begging for a tag, but Kelly retreats to a different corner… then runs at Layla, hitting a Spear of her own! Kelly makes the cover, and Edge keeps his title. Your winners: Edge/Kelly Kelly

Their celebration is abruptly ended, however, because Vickie announces that Kelly Kelly has just competed in her last match – she’s fired! Kelly walks away in tears as Vickie hurtles abuse at her. Guerrero then turns her attention on Edge – she announces that next week, Edge will defend his title against Dolph Ziggler, and Vickie will be the special guest referee. Ziggler runs into the ring and takes Edge down with a Zigzag, and the broadcast ends with the pleasant sounds of Vickie’s cackling laughter. Lovely.

What did you think of this week’s action? Did Booker really use that word, or am I just tripping? Who’s going to triumph in next week’s main event? Let us know in the comments section below!

See you next week!

1 Comment

  1. After rewatching, I think Booker may have very well dropped an N-Bomb! I don't know if I can find that gif, so I'll just make it myself and send you the link in facebook so you can use it for whatever you like. Plus it'll give me another one for the power poll at some point.

    I did enjoy this episode, although there were some moments that were bleh… as you pointed out. Overall, Booker was a nice addition to the announce team, which SHOULD have been to replace Cole and retain Striker. Hopefully that gets resolved in the future.

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