While I am fully aware of the leaked, unedited version of this week’s Smackdown, which has been circulating the interwebs since late Tuesday, this is not based on that version. Why put myself through more than I have to? Seriously? Plus fast-fowarding is much more trouble some.

Old school hopping time!

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. I don’t just do results, more what is going on while I watch the show…”.

– Hey hey! It’s Jimmy Fucking Hart on the megaphone, and he introduces his ol’ pal JT Hogan. Well, you know something, dude, brother, dude? The crowd popped big time for him. Sure, it’s just another host deal, but whatever gets the crowd up, can only improve the atmosphere of the episode. It’s more of a shill for Legend’s House and The Network (not available in the UK, LOL), and then says we need to look to the future, not the past.

Why you tripping?

– * No DQ Match: Batista vs. Dolph Ziggler. This is a revenge match from last week’s Batista low blowing Dolph and not swallowing. Dolph was IRATE. Dolph wanted a DP match, but settled for a No DQ match. Then we see clips from RAW, reminding us of Justice. The match gets time, and is actually fairly decent. Later, the action goes outside the ring and Ziggler chair shots Gran’Tista numerous times, but fortunately all the ink on his back serves to protect him. Ziggler really man-handles Batista in this one, and eats a baseball slide by the apron and over top the announce table. The crowd is suddenly dead. Or maybe just British. Not sure. Batista gets back into it using the steel steps, but Ziggler saves himself with a low-blow, returning the man love from last week. Ultimately, Batista capitalizes on a hurt Ziggler, and spears him for the pin and the win! I must admit, this was a great match. Joe probably fell asleep, which is why his RAW reviews will always suck.

– Post match, Batista bomb on Ziggler.

Why you shoving?

– Bo Dallas segment. He debuts tonight.

– * Cameron and Naomi vs. Eva Marie and Nikki Bella. Summer Rae as special guest referee. Ladies and Gentlemen… your first skippable match of the evening. One of the Funkadactyls won or some shit. I think Summer Rae must have pulled a fast one, but fail to bother rewinding to find out. I’m more concerned with trying to figure out what in the fuck Grimace was supposed to be in those old McDonald’s ads, and why he was always smiling when his name is fucking GRIMACE. Also, did anyone ever let Birdie know she was going to be turned into purple goo as well? Wait. THAT’S IT! GRIMACE IS BIRDIE POST GOO-MAKING INTO NUGGETS!!! I SOLVED THE FUCKING MYSTERY, SCOOBS!!!

– Ok, ‘Raggy.

– I place ‘Raggy into a half full glass bottle of vodka and make my own Molotov Cocktail.

Why you kicking?

– Bo Dallas debuts. He gets an entrance where he kneels in the centre of the ring in a thinking position with a spotlight on him. Then he rises all smiles. Cuts a quick promo about Bo-Lieving in yourself, and then… enter The Hunico.

– * Bo Dallas vs. Sin Cara. Bo Jackson, Wayne Gretzky, and… let’s say, SIR CHARLES FUCKING BARKLEY are seen at ringside watching intently munching on bowls filled with ProStars cereal. The crowd is dead as shit for this one, because The UK doesn’t get The Network. JT Seinfeld is seen in the audience holding up Air Jordans with the following stitched into the label, “What’s up with The WWE Network?” Jorge and George get into hijinx with Elaine and Mark and Newman. Kramer was murdered. ThinkSoDexter is nowhere to be seen. This match is short, and kind of meh, but it serves to put over Bo Dallas as he also murders a fraud in Sin Cara. The best part is post match where Dallas goes over to Sin Cara, picks him up and shakes his hand while saying, “You did good! You did good! Don’t stop believing!”. Then he takes a victory lap around the ring like he just won the Stanley Cup or the 100 metre dash at the Olympics.

Why you ogling?

JT: I wanted BWF Theatre back, bitches!
Joe: WHEEEE!!!!
Jorge: Am I even here? Do I exist? Let me take a selfie, because I’m a narcissitic asshole.
Joe: Didn’t we peer pressure you to join Twitter and facebook?
Jorge: I went all in.
G: Cocktalk, every Sunday 2PM EST available at some random website that Joe is using this week.
JTG: The website is down.
Mark: Down under?
ThatDamnDoubleJT: Shrimp, Barbee? Bret’s Magic Skate? No. I don’t update things anymore. I’m butthurt that the Dallas Stars got stomped and are out of the NHL playoffs.
Jorge: I took a selfie butt-hurting him.
JTSheikie: Broke the back, made him humble?
Mark: Wasn’t the WWE in the UK this week?
Everyone: NOPE!!
Mark: Where were they?
G: Who’s on first?
Joe: He’s on second.
JT: He hate me.
Jorge: I hate he too.
G: Good times. XFL. Is that on the Network?
Joe: WHEEEE!!!!
Mark: Nope.
JTHogan: Well, you know something brother….
G: I miss Vacant.
Mark: A true champion. Much like the TNA roster.
G: Yep.
Joe: Nope.
Bad-News-Jorge: I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you…
JTHogan: I invented bad news, brother!
Joe-Allen-Coage: Oh really? I wrestled across the territories and in the fucking WWF for years. My name is Allen…
All: Hi Allen!
Joe-Allen-Coage: I won a fucking bronze medal in Judo in the 1976 Olympics in Judo with a broken-freaken-neck!
G: I broke a pencil once.
Mark: Was that pencil a “geek”?
G: Yeah, he sodomized chickens or something.
JTHHH: It’s best for business.
Jorge: I’m pretty sure geeks involve chickens, but not anally raping them.
Joe: Are you sure?
Jorge: Yep.
Joe: Shit. I mean, … umm.. KFC for all!
G: Ok, GTFO of my apartment!
Jorge: We haven’t even established that we are in your apartment in the script yet!
Mark: I never left.
Jorge: I thought you went to the bathroom…
Mark: You are the worst date ever.
JT: Hey Mark, I got the medical tests back…
Joe: I’m leaving now.
Jorge: Hold up Joe.
Mark: It’s Bark’s, Joe. Am I supposed to drop an N-Bomb now?
G: No.’ His name is Dio and he dances on the sand.
JT: Fuck you G!
G: Yes. Fuck me indeed. But all of you need to leave my apartment now. There is only one solution. DOOM!!!!! I AM FIRE, I AM DEATH!!!!

Why you light-switching?

– Bray Wyatt sits in the ring with his two pals. He rants and raves about the usual stuff. I’m not complaining. But, you see, it’s exactly the same thing that we saw on RAW as it is a highlight of that segment. After the clips play, Bray picks it up a little, noting Cena is using the Usos as pawns to fight on the front lines in his name, as not to tarnish his crown. Bray then says he has always been… kahfkoljhlk ahklshjasfjas aslhasklfjalfkjfa. Some nonsense words or a language I don’t recognize. Bray collapses like as if in a religious fit and then sings his song. Was he speaking in tongues there? Who knows? Seriously, someone tell me.

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Alberto Del Rio. Non title? These guys? Nope, fuck this shit. FFW. Unless you want to hear Heyman and Cesaro join commentary, this is pointless. Cesaro, of course, gets involved, screwing up the match. Cesaro Neutralizes Sheamus onto the floor and shakes the unconcious Unmixed-Strawberry Yoghurt’s hand until it resembles a nicely, evenly, blended pink shade.

Why you Super-Mario’ing?

– Vic-Rod is out to address the crowd, and her “Excuse Me!” gets a massive heat reaction. Her dress is clearly in honour of the Roddy Piper/Bad-News Brown classic. She brings out Adam Rose and his drug-induced entourage. The costumes are all there, but the people in them are clearly different. The Hamburger, for example, must have been soaked in bleach for the last week. The crowd is kind of reacting to his in ring motions. Adam demands to know if Vickie is a lemon or a rosebud. He polls the crowd. The crowd agrees she is a lemon, so she flips out. Rose tries to force his sucker into her mouth, nope! She falls off the apron as the ecstasy-induced rape-bus-express take her back stage to film exclusive afterhours footage for The Network’s new “After Hours” Spice show.

– Renee Paquette interviews the Usos. All seven of them get promo time, and honestly, they sound much improved. They don’t do anything TOO special, but HEY LOOK THEY FOUND CHARISMA. Cena joins the orgy and goes into yelling comedy Cena, ruining things, then they all punch themselves in the chest because :/

Why you SAWFT’ing?

– * Non-Title Match: The Usos {C} vs. Erick Rowan and Luke Harper. ARE YOU FUCKING NOT PUTTING THE TITLES ON THE LINE, WHY? Bray has returned to naming the city they are in, during the entrance, once again. Flippity Flop and you don’t stop! This match is ok. It’s pretty paint-by-the-numbers. The face Usos do their high flying stuff, then the heel Wyatts isolate Uso #5 for while. Hot tag to Uso #7, who clears the ring with help from Uso #3, etc. Rinse, lather, repeat. The guys work hard, but the interest is not there, for this guy. Cena and Bray look on as the match breaks down into chaos…

Why you creeping? Oh wait.

– It’s pretty anti-climatic for the finish. See Bray interferes, pushing Uso #6 off the top of the rope, forcing a Dairy Queen finish. Everyone eats ice cream and laugh at the crazy man named Jim outside the drive-thru having a fit. They ask for Chris Jericho’s autograph and attempt to get their own Podcast-One show. Wyatt walks off all “Come-at-me-bitch!” Cena squirts at him, and a new Brazzers’ video is released.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

I land my finisher, the “Delete Recording” and call it a night.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet




Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST at Bored Wrestling Fan dot com, and where ever the hell Joe streams it this week.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?


This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!


Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Cheap Heat

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!




Sept 6, 2013. I am a clone of G. I am currently handcuffed to one of the lower legs of G’s sofa in his apartment. Yesterday, while the real G was at work, monkey nearby shrieked at me to attempt to lift the sofa. It worked! I went to thank the monkey located in an open-doored cage on the stairs leading down to the basement of G’s basement apartment, and noticed a large man strapped into a chair in the basement. I then heard the original G returning home. I need to find his magical device that created me…

Sept 13, 2013. The real Gee has noticed my writing. That stupid fuck hasn’t deleted anything, but he did taze me repeatedly. I still think there is a monkey held captive on the stairs to the second level of this building.
Sept 20, 2013. Made progress today. Discovered some kind of cloning device. I used it to clone the device itself, and hid the copy under the couch I am “hand-cuffed” to. The monkey saw this, but I don’t think he’ll say anything. He’s a monkey, after all. Some dude named Johnny Storm stopped by to say hi. Weird.

Sept 27, 2013. An obese man who claims to be famous magically appeared in the living room today. He told me the cloning gadget I made a copy of has the powers to do much more. Sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I immediately knocked him out and tied him up beside the one the “real” G calls “Barks.” Both look the same. I killed the new guy and fed him to the other captives. I think. They both look the same. All of that future-talk and preventing the death of kayfabe annoyed me. Either way, one of the “Barks” was dinner. He tasted like chicken. Big surprise there.

Oct 4, 2013. So I guess the guy I fed to his doppleganger was actually able to escape last week with help from that J.T. guy. He was screaming something about “his” chair. Either way, G is pissed and punished me all week. He said something about maybe sending me to Fall Camp. I decided to not make any decisive moves. It seems for the best. Just like the WWE, I guess, albeit “best” isn’t the “best” word I’d use to describe the product.

Oct 18, 2013. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write here. G has been continually sending me off to ancient historical eras to collect random artifacts. I don’t understand why a stool sample from Henry Hudson is so important. And what was the point of leaving a smoke bomb in the front hall of the Palace of Versailles on May 6, 1682? I’m told I’m going to have to… gotta go. He’s home.

Nov. 8, 2013. I’ve been sent on a bunch of weird missions. The most weird was when G sent me back to 2008. See, I snuck former PM Tony Blair into Buckingham Palace and stapled old-people-face to his kind of already old-people-face. No one has noticed even until today. I still don’t understand why he made me do that.

Nov. 15, 2013. This last week was even more bizarre. He made me put on some suit and a red tie and shave my head, and then pretend to be in control of his weekly scab collecting group. I burst in, and told the vice president and current scab champion collector that I was in charge. We bickered back and forth for a while, and then G kicked in the door dressed in drag and began shrieking that since he was the vice president of the chess club next door he was taking over. Very odd.

Dec. 6, 2013: Charles Barkley recently abducted me and took me on a cruise ship with him. We circumvented the planet, stopping at various ports-of-call, and living the high life again. It was really awesome. Then sadly, today, I awoke only to find myself back on the couch of G’s apartment. Was it all a dream?

Dec. 13, 2013. Nope, not a dream. In fact somewhat of a nightmare. This week I was forced to go to work for G while he vigorously stayed home masturbating (I can only assume) and eating nachos. Work sucked. Firstly, I am not trained to do anything G actually does at his jobs, so I looked like a complete idiot. Oddly enough, some fellow who has a Bruce Springsteen complex and calls himself “The Boss” told me that my work had shown significant improvement today. I am pretty sure G’s jobs don’t involve a body count, though.

Dec 20, 2013. Just got back from a reconnaissance mission to infiltrate Charles Barkley’s place. G insisted I take the monkey from the open cage on the stairs with me. He told me the monkey was given special orders, and my job was to get the little guy into the house. I did as I was told. Once inside, the monkey went to every toilet in the house and proceeded to defecate inside the water tank of each one. I don’t know what G is feeding that monkey, but damn!

Dec 27, 2013. Shit, I’m tired. G outsourced me to that dude who always invades via the apartment balcony to deliver bass strings to the bass player children of the world the other day. Turns out, I fucked up and gave a bunch of five and six string bass player kids, four string packs, so he made me go out AGAIN the next day to fix the problem. Turns out, that for some reason, descending into people’s homes via chimney is only considered acceptable behaviour one night out of 365. Or at least, that’s what police officers in 45 countries on the planet seem to think. I have to go out again tonight, but I’m just going to drop molotovs down the chimney instead. Fuck getting arrested again.

Jan 10, 2014. G sent me to the year 2018 to find some lady. Turns out she was laughing historically on February 6th. I return with this information. Not a very exciting adventure, and then me and the monkey play a game called hide G’s sandwich. The crawl space is full of’em.

Jan 24, 2014. I find a diary penned by a version of me, 8 generations ago. In clone generational math, that was about 3 minutes. Weird.

Jan 31, 2014. Today was a good day. I got to use my A.K. Daviel Batryan won the Regal Vibration. The WW’Eh Channel is available in Canuckstan. And the company hired a mainstream darling named D.N. Goth. This is the brightest timeline.

February 7, 2014. Went to the opening ceremonies. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The opening ceremonies. Many were lost in the battle today. I live on. Remember the fallen clones.

February 14, 2014. G said since it’s Valentine’s Day, I have to do something special for J.T. who is trapped in his apartment basement. When I asked why me, he screamed back at me, “THERE’S NO TIME!” and he proceeded to watch men’s doubles in luge. So, I took J.T. back in time to ride a brontosaurus. I don’t think he understand what I meant, but I have to admit, I’ve never seen a brontosaurus smile like that before!

February 21, 2014. G sent me back to lift Jamie Benn’s stick on a shot from the point to ensure the dreams and hopes of USA hockey fans were crushed like the hopes and dreams of Canadian WWE fans unable to order the WWE Network.

March 14, 2014. I was sent to get some popcorn from the future. Corn had become extinct in the year I was sent to. I searched for months and months (since time is relative) to no avail. When I was summoned back, I was repeated whipped and forced to drink bleach. I can see through time… Then I fell down a mountain and some random redhead giant kept shoving his pet snake in my mouth.
March 21, 2014. G sent me to be a ringer in some college basketball game today. Not sure why, he was mumbling something about busting 99% of people’s brackets. I think he really must have issues with shelves.
April 4, 2014. It’s been real quiet around here lately, ever since G took off to parts unknown. He didn’t leave me much to eat, and supplies are running dangerously low. That monkey is starting to look delicious. I wonder where Diddy keeps getting those Twinkies?
May 9, 2014. Finally home. G sent me on a very long bus trip where I was forced the wear a bunny suit and eat these little pills that made me feel funny. Every once in a while, a herd of these nut jobs on the bus and I would be led down to a boxing ring and play catch. But not catch with a dog or a ball. No. We had to catch this oily guy who must have kept slipping and falling off the ring apron every single time he went out to dance. I’m so glad that’s over with.


Shameless Plugs!


Bored Hockey Fan

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

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