Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown: 06/09/10

Up here in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, we kicked off the Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth – The Calgary Stampede today. Well technically it starts on Thursday, and technically, it’s not that great, rather just a midway that travels throughout the Great White North and a big rodeo competition. I wonder what happened on Smackdown subsequently…

Actually, this doesn’t sense unless something is painted red…

– We kick things off with a reminder of Jack Swagger putting the Angle lock on the Big Show a couple weeks back, and not letting go… and that tonight Show will have his revenge match… until our recently deported McIntyre is shown in the ring, and Teddy Long comes down to join him, belee ‘dat.

– McIntyre shows remorse, perhaps, for his treatment of “Mr. Long.” Teddy calls bullshit, and calls him a liar since he no longer has McMahon in his back pocket (what? why?). It’s now a level playing field, Drew agrees and then also says he wants to nominate Teddy Long for the HOF 2011 class… Long gets a bit a revenge here, and demands Drew gets on his knees and beg forgiveness… he does reluctantly. After this drags on some more, it is revealed we will get a Kofi/McIntyre match tonight…

– Speaking of the Stampede, one thing that is well known is that after (and during), divorce rates spike here. See, girls go into hyper-slut-mode, partners discover souvenirs such as herpes, unexplained cell phone charges, and bonus children… kind of ruins relationships… YEEHAW!!!

EVIDENCE:

1

2

3… note, note of these women are cow-girls. They are merely sluts with cowboy hats. Not that there is anything wrong with that other than false advertising!

– Dolph/Chavo/MVP have a three way, speaking of hyper-slut-mode, and Vicki joins commentary… Dolph and Chavo are clearly gang banging up on MVP… Grisolm questions why the two heels are not exchanging blows (he he) while Striker hits on Vicki. Disturbing stuff folks, totally PG!! Chavo finds himself able to pin either opponent as Vicki flips out, since she wants Dolph in the MitB matchup (the winner moves on). All of this drama, leads to Dolph turning on Chavo even though Guerrero chose to go after MVP. Chavo slaps on the Three Amigos on Ziggy… MVP gets back into things… Things get chaotic until Ziggler gets the sleeper hold on MVP and gets the win. That’s not a sleeper hold… THIS IS A SLEEPER HOLD:

Ha ha, just kidding. This ^ is debatable cruelty to animals …

– Alberto Del Rio has another vignette a la Razor Ramone. Classic new character building continues with the former masked Lucha Libre star. I am still digging the calming Spanish guitar track in the background. Interestingly enough, we cut to Rey Mysterio backstage with Josh Matthews and some doctor Sampson guy… They treat it legit selling the injury until JACK FUCKING SWAGGER GRABS HIM IN HIS ANGLE LOCK THING AND DRAGS HIM ALL ACROSS THE BACK STAGE AREA!! AWESOME! Swagger tosses him around repeatedly too… Good thing Del Rio is here to replace the fallehn Mysterio. Swagger continues his dragging of Rey out to the arena. Big Show chases of Jack as Rey is attended to by medical staff. This had to be a write-off of Rey for recuperation from his well-documented injuries… You’d think they would have booked Swagger like this when he WAS the champ, but NO! God forbid you build new guys…

– The crowd goes nuts as Captain Charisma hits the stage. Christian is tagging with Matt Hardy to face off against Curt Hawkins and Vance “Meh” Archer. While Hawkins and Archer remain generic as fuck, maybe this will be the week they turn it around? Yeah right… It’s a good thing Christian and Hardy can carry this match… Albeit, Hawkins does land a sick top rope elbow drop to pick up the win. It comes as a result of Christian kind of bailing on Hardy… so the not-so-overwhelming duo of Archer and Hawkins continue their shitty push. I realize I just complained about building “new” guys in the previous point above, but still…

See, all of the 1980’s GI Joe toys were made from the same die-cast plastic molds. As a result, if you removed the little screw in the lower back of a character, you could disassemble the arms, legs, head, etc., of the character. There was this little black rubber band within the two chest pieces that was a bitch to replace, but it could be done with a little patience. As a result, you could swap body parts from the various Joe’s and create brand new characters… Hence, build new guys.

While I realize this is not as cool as the time me and my friends used an aerosol can and a Bic lighter to ironically melt a figurine of “Snow-Job” to a wooden board, but I digress… BTW, one of those kids was busted by his mom for that, and little G got in a shit load of trouble with his own folks… wait, what the hell was I doing?

– Right, Smackdown. The Drew McIntyre/Kofi Kingston match begins. And we almost immediately find ourselves into some high flying Kingston action! So far, so good as it’s a back and forth of McIntyre trying to slow things down heelishly, with bursts of Kofi in between… rather balanced. We hit some commercials… so… FFW!!!

Things have slowed down once we return…

– McIntyre seems to be in full control… for a minute until Kofi lauches into a huge and awesome looking cross body to the back of a standing McIntyre!! Nice!! Kofi hits a bunch of offense to no avail! McIntyre lands the Future Shock DDT, wins, thus is in the MitB match for Smackdown. Pretty fun little bout! The eighth and final spot is filled, but have to say, Kofi was FAR more entertaining in the match… Good thing Kofi is ALREADY in the damn thing.

– Punk and the SES walk backstage to the ring to address the crowd passing the callisthenic gimmick Diva… stupid waste of time… I get bored, and like most Canadians, that means I start thinking about hockey…

WAY more entertaining than 99% of Diva’s matches.

– And we are treated to yet another Del Rio character promo. Fine stuff… Luke Gallows calls out Serena for revealing a side of the SES we were never supposed to see… Serena complies and tells Punk he was more than just his leader, he’s her world. Like some Twilight crap or some shit. She gets all emotional and whatnot, telling him she revealed her relapse to defend and protect Punk from Kane. Punk says nothing as Gallows rips her a new one… Punk grabs the microphone, and points out to Gallows that it’s his decision and he forgives her. Nice bit so far. Dissension in the ranks as Luke leaves the ring looking disenfranchised. Punk embraces Serena and end scene. Pretty picture time? Fuck yeah:

Ha ha… hey at least it isn’t scat porn…

– “Dashing” Cody Rhodes is out, and has this new video thing were he looks at himself in a virtual mirror at the top of the entry ramp. Yeah, that’s different. I’ll give the WWE that. Rhodes is squashing facing JTG tonight. I generally do not put emoticons in my so-called “reviews,” and I won’t start here. However, frowny face… right? Please let JTG (WAY BETTER) some time here…

– Well JTG shines for the first minute or so, until Cody Rhodes turns it all around… Thank god, JTG gets to anything at all, as Rhodes picks up a super quick win…

– Crap interview with Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly backstage… interruption by Lay-Cool beatdown/mean girl crap. Mickie James was “Piggy,” while Kelly is “Smelly.” Huh… retarded.

B-Real! This animated gif is FAR more entertaining!

– Josh Matthews is all talky talky with Big Show backstage in regards to the Swagger attacks on both of them… Show tells us Swagger wants to make people suffer, and is sympathetic to Ray… looks all sad and shit… almost cries!! Ha ha!! Well done Show, this was actually a pretty impressive bit of acting (for, well, a pro wrestler) as he goes into deadly serious mode. He promises that he will make swagger suffer tonight…

Huh…

Huh…

Hmmm…

Err…

DERP!!!!

SUFFER!!!! THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING RIGHT NOW!!! CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!

Here’s the shirt!! Fine album!! Maybe their best…

– And here is our Swagger/Show mainevent. Let the suffering begin. I am expecting slow and plodding from the Show, so I place FFW on the 1/5 setting… Man, this is a slow match! Show is clearly playing the angry giant card. The drag this abysmal match outside the ring and up the ramp… This match sucks. Show hurts his left ankle again, as Swagger walks away…

– Backstage, however, Kane is laying in wait for Jack who is dragged into a room and interrogated about the Undertaker shtick. Kane is convinced Jack is the culprit as he screams at him. Claiming an alibi, Swagger will prove it next week…. Kane tells him that if he has any doubt in Swagger’s alibi: “You will be condemned to hell to live in eternal suffering,” Kane promises. Just like tonight’s main event.

– Yawn… WWE logo comes up and I’m out.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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Well it’s BWF, not MN, that gets the “random” reference here. See BWF put together a round table for the upcoming TNA PPV this Sunday. So that gets the nod this time around!

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
LarG Productions

My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

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