Smackdown: 07/06/10. S-Meh-ckdown.
By G · · Leave a CommentAnother episode of Smackdown is upon us… oh joy! Nine days away from Summerslam, which is looking decent as a card… not fantastic, though. So let’s see what those crazy McMahon’s have in store for us… tonight? Well technically two Tuesdays ago, since this was a pretape.
– Rey Mysterio starts us off and addresses the whole Kane/Undertaker deal. Basically he talks about almost drowning in the Gulf courtesy of Kane… he’s afraid of caskets, etc. Then just as he is about the reveal who REALLY did the Undertaker in, out comes Drew McIntyre. He tells us that where he’s from, they have a word for people who wear masks… criminals. Then Drew calls bullshit on Ray’s procrastination as he sat back and watched Kane destroy innocent people, such as Jack Swagger’s 64 year old father, etc. Ray says these things were none of his business… McIntyre says he actually admires Ray’s actions. Ray and Drew are going to fight later… the end was pretty intense, but overall this was a fairly weak start to Smackdown.
Weak intros make me a sad panda…
– Matt Hardy versus Cody Rhodes… Rhodes does his usual mirror emulation entrance… I’m sure Matt Striker will also remind us, as usual, that Rhodes does not wearing knee pads. Not yet though, as we get a commercial break. When we return, it’s the end of the current resthold and the action begins… again. Striker reminds us now, that he constantly goes back to submission attempts. Yeah, I noticed that Matt… thanks. YAWN! This match is boring and the crowd is dead for very good reason. I’m not sure why we should care. Cody wins with a modified face buster, or something similar… it’s called the Cross-Roads (Cross-Rhodes?) I guess. Geez that was a boring match.
Yeah… ^ sums up my point.
– By crickey!! It’s yet another Alberto Del Rio segment! Man, I love this guy’s promos, but am in total shock as how long they’ve built this character… he better be brilliant in the ring or else this will be the definition of “epic fail” when it comes to building new talent. Rosa Mendez gets her weekly cameo, as Lay-Cool interrupts her conversation with Teddy Long in order to whine about ending the retarded abortion of the Free-Birds rule. McRibs gives Teddy her title, then the two fight over the women’s title which BREAKS IN TWO (perfectly cut) pieces to be like a best friends pair of necklaces. Any credibility that may have existed in the women’s division in the WWE is now officially dead.
Seriously? Really? That’s what the belt looks like now? Stupid.
– Wait, it gets worse, Vickie and Dolph are out… meh. I guess Ziggy is facing Kofi Kingston for the IC title. They’ve had some good matches lately, even with Dolph’s overuse of the sleeper hold… commercials…
– We are reminded of Kofi showing his darker side (yeah, that’s possible) last week. He comes out all smiley-like… seemingly the happy go-lucky Kofi we have seen for the most part… I’m hoping he goes straight up sadistic over the next while. Kofi is also rocking Hogan’s red and yellow tonight… hmm… The segment is alright at best, until Kofi “loses his smile” (wow he’s ripping off everyone tonight) and hits a nice looking suicide dive on Ziggler to the outside (between the third and second ropes, mind you).
The new Kofi!
– They pick up the pace a wee bit as we return from break, but Ziggler won’t stop with the submission holds as he tries to work Kofi’s shoulder. Maybe he and Rhodes should tag as THE MOST BORING TAGTEAM EVER! Vickie distracts the referee and Dolph gets away with some heel tactics as a result and wins the IC championship. What a horrible night to win a championship. The announce team foreshadowed this early on, claiming he was the best active WWE wrestler to have never won a singles title. Kofi, obviously, is pissed right the fuck off… as am I. Kofi goes into beat-down mode outside the ring and slams Dolph into the announce table, and follows up with some stiff punches… Vickie sells Kofi’s newfound aggression shrieking, “BE CAREFUL, HE’S CRAZY!!!” FUCK! Dolph gets tossed awkwardly and hard into the ringsteps! As various referee-types come down to end the awesomeness, Kofi leaves Dolph’s prone body strewn across the steel steps. Commercials ensue.
Whoop-dee-frickin-doo! New champion…
– You know what I just realized? We haven’t seen Hornswoggle in a long time… thank god. I am pretty sure he is on RAW these days, but who cares?
– THANK GOD, CM Punk and the SES is out to literally save this shitty episode of Smackdown. Punk is high and mighty, as usual, as he revels in the SES overpowering and injuring the Big Show last week. That was pretty awesome, actually. They claim they severed two tendons in Show’s hand. Punk has the production truck pause throughout the beatdown, and they all enjoy it. As the SES celebrate, Punk flips out on them! “That’s funny, I don’t remember telling any of you, you could be happy!!!” he screams… he makes them get on their knees and listen to his rant… when they are happy, they let him down… ha hahahahahah!!! PSYCHO!!! LOVING THIS! After the messiah berates them, he gets them up on their feet and he tells them they will be better, and must listen to him in order to do so. Awesome segment.
The Pimp-Hand is strong in Punk.
– SES (Punk, Gallows, Mercury) versus JTG, MVP, and (dammit) Chris Masters. It’s funny Punk is in this, since he still has his arm in a sling. Mercury seems to be doing the majority of the work (but that’s a given), and Gallows comes in on occasion for a power move as the match is clearly playing off the cliche of the heels isolated one face. And MVP never gets a tag once he’s in. The match ends quickly as Gallows gets the pin. Punk never enters the match either… meh. Post match, the sling is off and Punk hugs the male members as the SES stand in triumph.
– For fucks sakes, it’s a Cody Rhodes Beauty Tips segment again. This one is about eye-brow maintenance. The only good thing about these segments is that they have a little CGI glint of light flash off his teeth at the end. That, is actually priceless…
– Kane cuts a quick segment that says nothing, nor furthers the storyline about the Undertaker. But, it is entertaining.
– Rey is out to fight McIntyre. I want to get excited about this, but considering how weak tonights show has been… well, it doesn’t help the cause. After the match FINALLY gets underway, it’s clear we are watching the typical Mysterio match… he gets beaten up for a long time, and occasionally shows flashes of energy. David versus Goliath. But, they do a decent job nonetheless. The first segment ends with some nice spots and Rey uses the ropes to trick McIntyre into flinging himself outside the ring and then eat a subsequent Hurricarana into the restraining wall…
But that move didn’t prevent this kitten from committing suicide…
– Rey picks up the win, in what proves to be a paint-by-the-numbers match… or at least from this smarks POV. The finish was neat, combining Rey and Drew’s finishers into a reversal by Rey for a fruit-rollup for the win. As Rey grabs the microphone to reveal the Undertaker’s true attacker, Kane comes down. Then McIntyre interferes, Kane introduces a casket, and Rey runs up the ramp. Then Rey states, “It wasn’t me that took out the Undertaker… it was YOU Kane! It was you!” Kane shakes his head avidly in denial, and mutters “no!” repeatedly. He does sell it like a realization, so you can see where this is going… Kane appears to hang his head in shame as…
– The WWE logo comes up and I’m out. Thank god. Shitty Smackdown.
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