Friday suffering time commences now… sheesh, I hope Smackdown picks up the pace this week. We still have somethings awesome on the show like CM Punk and Kane’s mega-produced ring segments. And the Undertaker is slated to return tonight…

Luna Vachon R.I.P. She was 47 years old.

– Kane vs. Rey Mysterio: No DQ Summerslam rematch. We’re getting right into the action this week… supposedly. I dunno, since I found their SS bout rather boring. Whatever, I’m ingesting alcohol at a rapid rate since I get a short window Friday nights to do so. It out to help a bit, hopefully, as I am not feeling the wrestling bug tonight.

– Rey is selling the arm injury sustained throughout the last little while… in a nice spot, Kane tries to bring a kendo stick into the ring, which Rey grabs and swings. Each time he hits Kane, Rey cries in pain and grabs the arm. That was good pyschology. Although, most of the first segment is Rey getting thrown around… typical car wreck of a match…

Most people would make a joke about the Ice Cream Truck. Not me, the joke here should be aimed at the idiot who never learned how exactly to cross a street. First of all, there’s a crosswalk just off to his right. Second, he didn’t look both ways. Thirdly, the idiot doesn’t know how to walk properly. Got what he deserved here.

– Don’t you hate when guys jump off the top rope into a punch? That’s what Rey just did. He doesn’t even look like he is trying to set up a move, which is retarded in itself. Let’s pretend that Kane wasn’t going to punch him. So what was Rey’s point in jumping? To land in front of Kane on his feet? Seriously? Rey goes into the West-Coast Pop setup to the 619, but gets reversed on the finisher. Using a chair to beat down Kane, he indeed gets his move… but again with the reversals as Kane chokeslams Rey onto a prone chair for the pin and the win.

– As Rey attempts to recover, Alberto Del Rio makes his way down on a microphone… “Are you ok, buddy?” he asks. He questions the medical staff about Rey’s health (feigning concern). The Del Rio likens Rey to a dying dog, mentioning someone needs to put him down. Del Rio slaps an armbar on the injured masked midget! He considers walking away, but returns and uses a chair between the injured arm… etc. Del Rio certainly gets the heat here he needs to establish himself.

This is more or less the same sentiment of the first portion of our show…

– The SES is out, and this is THE LAST time you will see Serena as a part of it. She was future endeavored earlier, but this was taped a couple weeks back to facilitate the tour of Asia. I guess she was too public about drinking and that pissed off some folks in the WWE. Lord knows, the 12 YEAR OLD DEMOGRAPHIC IS IN BARS WATCHING HER DRINK. RETARDS! Yet another female wrestler WHO CAN ACTUALLY WRESTLE is released. Meh.

– No talky talky here. Rather CM Punk is fighting JTG as his dwindling cult observes. CM Punk dismantles JTG in no time. Squash! Then addresses the SES in the ring. It’s an indirect shape-up or ship-out aimed out Serena. Incidently notable, the only member who never raises their hand in pledge is Serena. FORESHADOWING.

– Bullshit segment with Hornswoggle as a disguised bush backstage with Teddy Long. Swog’s tells Teddy of his spying on Lay-Cool… sort of. They form some kind of alliance, I guess.

Little guys some times come out on top… sometimes.

– IC TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler {C} vs. Kofi Kingston. God, please no crap rest-hold-fests Dolph! We get a slow start as we head into commercial break. FFW, of course. And we’re back, just like that. Damn I love my DVR. We get a period of back and forth moves and pin attempts in a decent turnout. A little more active than we’ve seen in the feud… not spectacular. Is it just me? Doesn’t it seem there is more potential here? Meh…. Dolph gets frustrated and keeps going to ridiculous pins… and attempted sleeper-holds… Kofi picks up a HUGE crossbody from the top on Dolph, BUT NO! Both men appear gassed as we go into desperation mode. Vickie attempts to get in the way, so Kofi just leap-frogs the bitch and hits another sweet crossbody on Dolph outside the ring! Sweet! As both men crawl back into the ring to avoid the countout, Vickie pulls Dolph back so he retains his I.C. title due to the rules.

This is a pretty sweet move too…

– It’s at this point where I am really not caring much about the rest of the show. See, I already know the non-spoiler matches slated. And trust me, they looks like utter shit:

* Big Show vs. Luke Gallows
* Jack Swagger vs. MVP

– There’s an hour or so left too… god help me.

– Then I see an add for a new Resident Evil movie. Sweet. More zombie action for the G/Gee.

– Jack Swagger vs. MVP, they waste a shitload of time doing nothing… not endearing to someone not caring to begin with. Swagger is wearing an old-style wrestling helmet. It makes him look extra-retarded. With MVP colour-coding his “Breathe-Right” nasal strip combined with the helmet, it’s as silly looking as it sounds. This waste of time ends with MVP getting DQ’d. Totally not worth the time. Swagger attacks MVP with a submission post match, an ankle injury is sold…. and I guess Swagger gets to host the VIP Lounge segment as a result.

– Fuckballs, it’s Lay-Cool attempting to be charismatic with Kaval backstage. I was sick of this crap before they ever aired it. So I skip it. Don’t care.

Spelling is fun

– Thank god… Alberto Del Rio has a match (or something). And his personal ring announcer is set to introduce him. Man that ring announcer is a dead ringer for Eddie Munster. Well, maybe not a dead-ringer… but fuck:

Close enough…

– Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal ring announcer gimmick. Brilliant! Del Rio versus “Carlos Sanchez.” The most generic Hispanic name ever. Guess who is jobbing here? Surprisingly, this match lasts longer than 2 minutes. But Del Rio more or less is just showcasing his smooth skill set. He’s good. Really fucking good. Some guys feel slow because they are just big hosses and shit. Not Del Rio… the guy is a technical wizard it seems. I’m all over the bandwagon now for sure!

– Man, John Cena should give Patricia Clarkson’s scripted son back to her. You’d think with all the make-a-wish shit Cena does, he’d just concede and stop the abduction… She just wants her son back, but doesn’t know how… fuck WWE films.

I love this animated gif. The original video was pretty cool, but ani-gifs just scream random blog writer… so….

– Twenty minutes left, and the Undertaker has yet to rear his face. Thus, this Big Show vs. Luke Gallows matchup is not really our mainevent. Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly [/Kelly] is accompanying Big Show to distract the eye from this hoss-fest. Joey Mercury and Serena is out as well. Kelly X 1209831 beats on Serena and displays her horrible, horrible abilities. Fuck this noise, FFW.

– I guess Big Show won. Punk looks at the TV monitor in disgust. Kellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly (I added more “L’s” that time) continues to add to the relevance of her presence. No… no she does not.

My favorite part from the Casket Match.

– The Undertaker takes his sweet-ass time coming down to the ring with his entrance. But you already knew that. After like 3 hours, Taker takes the microphone and tells us he is back and that, “This is still my yard,” and “I will never pardon the guilty.” Of course he refers to Kane… Betrayal, etc. The crowd is eating this up… Taker has his sights on the Championship… damn it, I’m so tired of this rehash. Fuck the 12 yearolds, they can watch YouTube/DVD/etc. Kane comes down and calls bullshit on Taker. They have an argument of who is more evil. No baby seals are clubbed during the whole thing. I KNOW! WTF! Right? Instead Taker has no brother, blah blah blah. It’s kind of good, but lacks the over-the-top-cool-ass production of the more recent promo’s. The ominous music and clips would have made this far more consistent and really, better.

– The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.


Shameless Plugs!


Bored Wrestling Fan

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Morphine Nation

LarG Productions

My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:


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