What a horrible night to have a curse. What curse you ask? The responsibility to take out great evil. Through mires of swamp beasts, dungeons of unspeakable undead, and ancient stone structures filled with ghouls I must trek. With nothing but this whip, I will destroy every single candelabra I see in hopes I find holy water or battle axes to aid me in my quest. Or… fuck it, I’ll just watch some wrestling. I’m not getting paid for either, anyways.

Hopple me Elmo?

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question. Also, go fuck yourself, RAW review.

– How novel! We kick off the show and the KEW-of-Spinnerbelt-WHEEEEEE!-Smackdown is out to put his nose where it actually belongs. Intriguing… or total bullshit? He prattles on about getting criticized for he and his Wiffle bat’s decisions and booking and that they can’t please everyone all the time. SheaMiz comes out to interrupt, and question HHH on his booking of Randall Keith Orton vs Miz. Hunter fails to see how Miz losing to Orton in front of his Mom was KEW’s fault, rather Miz failing. HHH says “fail” like ninety times during this. Miz disses HHH’s wife, so Miz will face Orton again tonight. An okay intro segment.

How the fuck did this guy make the team?

– We’re reminded of HHH giving RVD a rematch with ADR at Battleground last week, and the backstage attack RVD received moments later from ADR. So logically of course we get…

– * Non-Title Match: Alberto Del Rio {C} vs. R-Truth. Sigh. I guess it’s different, so I shouldn’t complain. And hey, maybe it could be fun? Near the start, Truth hits a really funky move, a reversed brainbuster into a chinbreaker from behind. This busts open ADR’s mouth, so he channels his bloodrage to grab a K-Kwik win over Truth Martini. Then RVD runs in to save Are-Lies from a post match beat-off (cocktalk, every Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio!).

This is just awesome

– Vick-Rod and HHH are watching backstage, and Vickie suggests they make the BattleCats match between RVD and ADR more interesting. HHH notes they should take a page out of the old ECW playbook and makes the PPV match a Battleground-Hardcore-Rules-Nobody-Get’s-A-Cheque Match. TO THE EXTREME STREAMS!

– THe PTP’s are amusing themselves backstage forcing a P.A. and some other goof to do the Tens of Dollars Dance. Titus O’Neil is less than impressed and blows his whistle, signaling to Darren Young to murder them with his Afro Pick. Janitor Lance Storm looks down in the background sadly, as he knows that once again, he is left to clean up this mess. “This fucking Invasion Angle better end soon,” he mutters as he goes to fill up his mop bucket with Mark Henry’s sweat.

Respect the Ref.

– Zebra Colter is in the ring with The Realistic Ameripeople. They once again are wearing their yellow capes of racism that they bought off e-Bay from Matt Morgan who had opted to sell his slightly-used Hulk Hogan cape after he was shit-canned by Totally Non-contract-renewal Action Jackson. This ends immediately as…

– * The Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans. I decide to open my mail…

Dear Dad,

Why did you send me to this summer camp in the Fall? This place sucks. The food is bad, it tastes like poo. I didn’t use “shit” because you told me “swearing is fucking wrong and not to be a little bitch.” The camp counselor is weird. He keeps asking if I know how to twerk. And he makes me watch this The Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans match over and over again.

Wrestling is fake and stupid. There is one guy in it who airplane spins this O’Neil guy (who is not Shaq) around twenty times in the match, which is funny. When I did that to my brother, you grounded me into the basement and forced me to sponge bathe that fat guy you said is famous. The spinning guy gets what I think you call a “close hump” on the guy who said came in the closet. I remember that time you made me clean up the white gooey stuff in the closet at our house that Mom said you did that in. She said that was your finish. The Prime Time Player guys in this stupid fake wrestling thingy lose. The guy they call Jack hugged the closet guy’s leg, and then he just kept high-fiving the floor.

I hope you finally got the carpet cleaned when I was here. I have to go now, and do something called fantasy booking. I hate this place. It sucks like the RAW reviews. Can I come home?


– Weird. I don’t have any kids. I toss the letter onto my floor to naturally decompose beside my collection of McDLT styrofoam containers.

– *Bray “Fucking” Wyatt vs. Winona “WWWYKT’s Over” Ryder. Stephen Harper and Rowan Atkinson are at ringside discussing politics and British comedy. My facebook lights up with a DM from RWR’s Alice Radley! Of course I must check this out and we have a quick little discussion…

Alice: G, got a moment?
G: I’m reviewing the SD for the site, but of course.
Alice: Bray Wyatt in a singles match!
G: Totally! Nice to see this for a change. We’ve been in Team Wyatt since the beginning going back to the NXT days.
Alice: Anyone who follows my podcast and site would realize that as well. Did you catch the match?
G: I just paused it to talk to you.
Alice: I’ll fill you in. Ryder stood no chance in this match. He gets a wee bit, and tiny amount of attacks in. Then he succumbs to the Sister Abigail as our messiah picks up the win. Bray poses on his knees over the fallen internet star, praising our dark lord as the two family members watch behind him. That was a great visual! They end the match like they have been ending Bray’s talking segments with the abrupt vignette cutoff.
G: FUCK YEAH THEY DO! Very cool.
Alice: Indeed. BTW, I “borrowed” your testicles last time I was at your place.
G: I might need those back.
Alice: I am pretty sure you don’t.
G: Burned in my own review. Wow.
Alice: Get used to it. Anyways back to the MAN Bray Wyatt.
G: Sounds like my theory that the best thing for this guy, is to slowly and methodically exterminate the slow, old, and sick members of the pack under the radar is coming to fruition. Excellent.
Alice: You know I am taking something precious away from your BWF Radio crew to a strange and magical place this Monday?
G: No, I was unaware. If you are talking about our souls, you must realize I sold mine to Millhouse.
Alice: … you nerd.
G: That’s how I roll. And by roll, I mean maple syrup coated two-paper cones filled the with best B.C. buds you can find… right here! In Calgary… Alberta, Canada.
Alice: It’s been decriminalized here.
G: Asshole.
Alice: I’m taking Jorge.
G: Cheap pops?
Alice: Bang! Bang!
G: Ok, I need to finish this review, or die trying. Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Alice: You’re so weird.

That’s a really odd goal celebration.

– * US Title Match: Dean Ambrose {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler. Wait, what? An actual title-match on Smackdown? I must be high. Ambrose is accompanied to the ring by the Shield, who do not high-five him in the audience and leave as they traditionally have done in the past. That kind of sucks. Ergo, Ziggler brings Coffee Kingston and Robbie V.D. with him. This won’t end well, but it will end at the Battleground PPV when the two face off for the US Title, I suspect. AND IT DOESN’T! It ends in a DQ as the people at ringside get involved!

– The Ghost of Triple Teddy Long holla holla’s his way out and makes this thing into a 6 man tag against the Undertaker! Or something like that.

– WWE: Did You Know? G’s twitter got hacked this week. He sent out nefarious and malicious spam to various people. @Mavenfan of BWF Radio infamy notified G of this horrific cyber assault earlier in the day. Just like Jay and Silent Bob, I found the hackers. They’re in my basement now.

She’s obviously not a fan of spiders, but does like The Shield..

– #BA* The Shield vs. Ziggler/Kofi/RVD/JT. JT is seen in the ring holding up a sign stating, “I’m retired, but I really enjoy getting in the way of working people.” That was weird. Then I realize he is trying to communicate with me. I write with the Jiffy-marker-filled-with-the-ink-of-lies on my television to hold off until the Santino match. This should be good, after all. It’s a continuation of the 11-on-3 match from RAW where all three of these guys ate a superdick via shred-rape by The Shield after all.

Keeping it classy on Youtube.

– Kofi and RVD are still bandaged up, as Band-Aid’s are stuck on them. J.T. leaves, tearing the band-aids off and they excessively bleed. This leaves Ziggler as the face-in-peril for many moons whilst the heels heeltastically heel on his heels. Gotta give props to him, I can’t wrestle, let alone in stilettos. I’m being a Negative Creep (when I’m stoned), but this match was really fun, and the highlight of the night for me. It ends typically with everyone getting in their spots, but not all typical. For example, RVD goes to hit a reverse 180 crossbody from the apron upon Reigns on the floor, only to be caught and reversed into a bodyslam. That was a small, but minor observation. And a reason to seek this puppy out. LOST DOG! IF FOUND PLEASE CONTACT 1(800)FELLA. I tear off one of those flappy pieces from the poster and slip it under your bedroom door. Just because I invaded your home while you slept, doesn’t mean I violated your REM patterns. P.S. I left J.T. in your basement. He enjoys a steady diet of rum, coleslaw and pumpkin seeds.

– Foremost and finally, the beloved Kofi eats a knee to the head c/o Seth Rollins, and the legal man Dean Ambrose rolls him up for the win. I ended up rewatching the second part of this match again. Pretty solid. Like a rock, I was standing arrow straight. Cocktalk, every Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio.

You get what you deserve!

– Renee Young talks to Big Show about his crying and KO’ing people gimmick. He’s a wreck because he sold out, and it’s well performed. Storyline or not, dude’s at least doing well at it. HHH interrupts, He says he’ll Show get re-employed, but uses the time to remind Show he has no real other options. Show fights off the temptation to punch the KEW.

– * Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Ariana. Shit… Jorge is here. BRB.

Jorge: What’s up G? Did I miss the Total Bitches match?
G: You shouldn’t be so misogynistic, dude. You’re on RWR this Monday.
Jorge: What?
G: I kind of helped book that a couple months back.
Jorge: I came here to talk about what I would do to that female wrestler!
G: I came in the closet. Apparently I have a kid now who had to clean it up later.
Jorge: Send that brat to Fall Camp.
G: Done.
JT Alice: Umm… it’s getting kind of hot in the basement. Charles Barkley is trying to edge his chair closer to Mark.
Alice: Two-timer? G, who the fuck is this J.T. Alice?
G: I, err…
J.T. Alice: I play you, when you aren’t on the show. I do an okay attempt at your sarcastic So-Cal valley girl voice.
Alice (in character): No, you don’t.
JT Alice: Yes, I do.
Alice (in character): You should kill yourself, that outfit was so September 26th.
J.T. Hogan: I invented September 26th!
Mark: That might have been Hogan’s last Impact date.
G: What the fuck? Mark, why are you even here right now?
Mark: I escaped. And now I vanish…
Alice: G? I thought this podcast made sense.
Jorge: We are being scripted and this is technically a written article.
J.T.: I’m going back to the basement.
Alice: (rant about the divas match with Jorge and hype the RWR episode. Even if you didn’t watch the match just read my results below, go back and forth a bunch and go off the rails if you like.).
Jorge: (rant about the divas match with Jorge and hype the RWR episode. Even if you didn’t watch the match just read my results below, go back and forth a bunch and go off the rails if you like.).
G: Guys, it’s like 9AM on Saturday. You’re still here? Fuck.
Jorge: What happened in the match.
Alice: Tamina played the voyeur role at ringside.
Jorge: She’s back? I’d Superman her.
G: NO! Enough. Yes, she’s back. This was just a short throw-away match that might make sense when Total Divas airs later. The match isn’t horrible, but it’s skippable. AJ picks up the win. That’s all you need to know.
Alice: Jorge, come with me on a fantastic voyage to RWR after RAW tomorrow night!
Jorge: Do you have All-Dressed Ruffles there?
Alice: … sure. We’re out of this crack-den.
JT: I’m still here.
G: Yep. Time to feed Barks, JT.
JT: Do I have to?
G: Do you want to go to Fall Camp?
JT: Fucker.

– And just like that, Jorge and Alice fly off to the magical land of RWR upon a gravy boat that is powered by energon cubes. It’s a pretty magical gravy boat that can transform gravy into any flavor of meat you are eating at the moment.

– Paul Heyman cuts a promo. It’s not a terrible promo in the slightest. In fact it’s really good. The problem is, that they cut this thing each week and week out every week. You’ve kind of already seen this. I can’t believe I’m criticizing that, since it’s worth a look. CM Punk will face Ryback at Battleground. It was a classic gold Heyman promo (Scotty Goldman run-in?).

Huh. Weird.

– * Santino Marella and The Mediocre Khali (with Hornswoggle) vs. 3MB. I see J.T. sprinting down the stairs with a rum-and-coke, and a Barrett Barrage Energy Bar popcorn treat.

G: Dude, slow down.
G: I… Umm… are you okay? I thought I would hear from you earlier.
JT: You did.
G: I already forgot. Read the disclaimer. I heard Joe was dead.
JT: He’s your son, at least according to this review. Jorge and Alice have already left. Where’s Mark at?
G: Shut up. Why aren’t you in my basement?
J.T. Hogan: I invented your basement!
J.T. Austin: What?
Mark: G ignored me?
G: No, I….
J.T. HHH: It’s best for business!
G: Mark is cool beans.
Mark: Fuck J.T.
J.T.: I can’t be held responsible for my actions. G scripts me that way.
Mark: Pfft. Good excuse.
G: I actually do script him.
Mark: This match was scripted too.
G: It get’s sillier.
J.T.: If I had watched, I would have seen Jindar Mahal play a flute to hypnotize Marella’s Cobra finisher, and force it to almost let 3MB win.
Mark: Until of course Drew McIntyre fucked up their shit with his UK powers.
G: Dudes, The Mediocre Khalie used the magic flute to repower up Santino’s Cobra to win the match. WHAT THE FUCK? Heath Slater loses via Cobra.

So many jokes, but I’m just going to go with the one where I found this. “Why?”

– Fuck.

* The Miz vs. Randy Orton. Into just-watching-mode.

I will defend TNA. But I won’t defend this fan. Fuck that guy.

– It’s almost two AM. Fuck this.

Jorge: Joe told me you have to review this.
G: Fuck Joe.
Alice: Jorge, let’s get out of here. G’s a dick.
Mark: He is a dick.
G: That’s Scott.
J.T.: I want to make all of your characters Canadian.
G: Go hold up a sign, dude, brother, dude.
Mark: G’s irate.
G: I’m tired, fuck this show. Sleep time.
Alice: Stop being a jerkoff.
Jorge: 2PM EST?
Alice: Miz wins due to a DQ.
Mark: Until HHH called BS on Orton for that and restarted the match.
G: Continue, anyone? Anyone? Fuck it Shit got brutal as Miz was laid out with a steel chair, and dangled on the outer barricade for a DDT. Orton kills him. FTW.
J.T.: I… want… a….
Jorge: That video reference is well over a year old, J.T.
Alice: Time to move on. Didn’t we already leave?
Mark: I thought I took over. What the fuck is this Orton drive-thru shit?
J.T.: I’m retired, I thought that was still funny.
G: Nope.
Jorge: Nope.
Mark: Nope.
J.T. Hogan: Nope, dude, brother.
Alice: Hmm…
G: Sorry Alice.
Alice: It needs to end.
J.T.: Nope. Cheeseburger. Fishmeal.
G: I trap that trope that in my basement.
J.T.: I freed Charles Barkley.
G: You what!?!?!?

And just like that, the show ends.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet




Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?


This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!


Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

Cheap Heat

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!
Joe continues not to notice this section. 😀 It’s like a Talking Heads song or something. 4 weeks and counting. He was warned.




Sept 6, 2013. I am a clone of G. I am currently handcuffed to one of the lower legs of G’s sofa in his apartment. Yesterday, while the real G was at work, monkey nearby shrieked at me to attempt to lift the sofa. It worked! I went to thank the monkey located in an open-doored cage on the stairs leading down to the basement of G’s basement apartment, and noticed a large man strapped into a chair in the basement. I then heard the original G returning home. I need to find his magical device that created me…

Sept 13, 2013. The real Gee has noticed my writing. That stupid fuck hasn’t deleted anything, but he did taze me repeatedly. I still think there is a monkey held captive on the stairs to the second level of this building.

Sept 20, 2013. Made progress today. Discovered some kind of cloning device. I used it to clone the device itself, and hid the copy under the couch I am “hand-cuffed” to. The monkey saw this, but I don’t think he’ll say anything. He’s a monkey, after all. Some dude named Johnny Storm stopped by to say hi. Weird.

Sept 27, 2013. An obese man who claims to be famous magically appeared in the living room today. He told me the cloning gadget I made a copy of has the powers to do much more. Sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I immediately knocked him out and tied him up beside the one the “real” G calls “Barks.” Both look the same. I killed the new guy and fed him to the other captives. I think. They both look the same. All of that future-talk and preventing the death of kayfabe annoyed me. Either way, one of the “Barks” was dinner. He tasted like chicken. Big surprise there.


Shameless Plugs!


Bored Hockey Fan

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

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