Tonight’s Smackdown will feature four King of the Ring qualifying matches for the upcoming tournament on Monday Night RAW. It’s nice to see this tournament coming back, but first I have to suffer through Smackdown to see how the story unfolds. It’s also the fallout SD episode after Survivor Series. The outcome of the PPV was all status quo with title defences outside of Natalya’s Diva win.

At least I can post this random animated gif for you:

I love this clip

– Kane makes his way down to the ring to start the show. He’s dressed to go, but picks up a microphone. Cue Red lighting, and a Kane rant on the abduction of Paul Bearer weeks ago. Kane delivers well here, I’ll give him that credit. He reminds us that he’s the champion still, after Survivor Series. Near the end though, Kane strangely breaks character and tells us he’s a warm caring human being like the rest of us… and he wants to be with family during the holidays…

– Edge comes out, with a wheel chair and calmly tells him he will concede, and feels for Kane. So he will return him tonight. “I HAVE BEEN ASKING! GIVE ME BACK MY FATHER!” screams Kane. HAHAHAHHAHA Edge, “Not with that attitude.” Edge makes him keep asking calmly adding in “please” and with more sincerity, etc. Then Edge calls Kane insincere, and walks off disappointed. ? Bizarre bit. Worth watching, and an entertaining opening!

Spin kick!

– * KOTR Qualifier: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston. Swagger has his Eagle mascot with him. I’m guessing the Eagle’s return is related to it being Thanksgiving weekend? Or perhaps I missed something that went down on Superstars? This gets a lot of time. Hence, they can build the match. The problem here is the usual. Swagger doesn’t seem to excel here, at least to this smark. He’s too methodical, yet unconvincing. And he’s SLOW. I don’t know if he is being told to be the “submission” guy by the bookers, or what.

Telegraph sent from G to WWE corporate:




Seriously, stop it. After a snorefest of rest-holds, we see Swagger and Kofi enter the climax of the match, and see Swagger hit a few quick power moves, and a couple high spots by Kingston. A failed anklelock leads to a Trouble in Paradise finish as Kofi Kingston is your winner!

– Kane and Teddy Long have some interaction with Kane apologizing about his abusive encounters with Long, Long says he never had a father… Edge pops up on the TV, he mentions he never had a father either, “but that’s a story for another time.” Edge removes duct tape from Bearer’s mouth, who raves about Edge deserving to never have a father… etc. Wait….

I wonder how many other WWE employees are products of artificial insemination, not having fathers and all. Well, the only other alternative is that they are products of asexual reproduction, and therefore aren’t humans. I wonder how many WWE employees are fucking aliens.

– Kane hunts around and finds the set where Edge shot his previous vignette. He discovers it, only to find a sign stating, “Gone Fishing.” Then Alberto Del Rio gets an interview with Josh Matthews. I will give these two bits thumbs up for doing exactly what they should have done to advance their appropriate storylines.

– * KOTR Qualifier: The Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio. I’m not liking Del Rio’s odds here, and especially not liking the fact I can’t remember the last time I saw the Big Show lose a singles match. It’s been a while. For the love of god, Del Rio should WIN the KOTR. He’s the perfect candidate for this who thing. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces his employer, and we get underway…

I doubt we’ll see the Godfather becoming or hanging out with the Burger King of the Ring, but damn, Knucklehead doesn’t need to win here…

– Speaking of which, Big Show wears a film endorsement T-shirt for his uber-flop of a film of the same name. Del Rio taunts Show to start… and an early attempt at a top rope move sets up Show to chokeslam Alberto off the turnbuckle to the outside! Segment ends…

ADVERTISING! Also, nicely connecting in some way to my previously posted animated gif.

– This turns out to be a decent match up considering the Big Show is in it. Del Rio is forced to utilize lots of sweet jumping kicks and attacks (kayfabe), and take heeltastic breaks to attempt to wear down the show. During this rest, Del Rio is able to delay the outside count, and Rodriguez interferes by holding Show’s leg while out of sight of the referee! AWESOME CHEAP WIN!

– The use of “heeltastic” is repeated in honour of another excellent contributor to the IWC, and Bored Wrestling Fan, DrowGoddess.

This, of course, makes me remember the ol’ school D&D cartoon show (for some reason, don’t dig too deep here, folks!). Oh wait… wrestling review… right….

– Edge appears in the crowd (the handicapped access seats) with Bearer. He cuts a promo about wishing everyone happy holidays! Nice! This is twisted and retarded. Therefore, I love it. Kane comes out onto the entry ramp and calls Edge “a monster.” Edge points out Kane is calling the kettle black, so Edge decides to ask the crowd as to what he should do. He let’s Bearer address the crowd, who tells them he hates all of them.


Return Bearer to Kane? BOOOOO!!!

Shove Bearer down the steps? YAAAAAY!!!

– So Kane cuts through the BS, and a championship match is setup for Kane’s title. Then they agree to meet at the hotdog stand. Kane runs up the arena to the mid deck, only to find another empty wheelchair.

– What the fuck? Does Edge have like endless wheelchairs at his disposal? He keeps leaving them lying around, so does he go back later and retrieve just one of them, or what?

– * KOTR Qualifier: MVP vs. Drew McIntyre. I’d like to see McIntyre advance here. I want to see him face somebody from RAW. Both men need the push though, so this doesn’t appear to have a clear winner. MVP is wearing his Silver-Coloured Megaman suit, and therefore possesses Metalman powers AND his regular photon gun in this bout. This is a pretty decent brawler! McIntyre works MVP’s right arm/shoulder which leads to MVP’s ultimate undoing. Drew lands a nice looking Future Shock DDT for the win! Excellent!

I honestly don’t know what powers came with the silver suit, so Megaman fan boys, chill out.

– Comedy bit with Swagger, his Eagle, Hornswoggle, Rosa Mendez, and a burnt turkey. Hornswoggle wants to eat the Eagle. Yes, that happens.

– * Kelly Kelly vs. Michelle McCool w/ Layla. Laycool do their usual mean-girls thing… yawn. They complain about losing their title, and then Kelly Kelly comes out. FFW…. McCool wins. Beth Phoenix runs out to save her post match.

– Highlight videos ensue. I skip ALL of it, except Miz winning the title via MitB briefcase on Monday. I fully endorse this move, and the REAL bonus comes that we got that epic footage of the “Angry-Orton-Girl” in the audience after it happens. This is one of the best crowd reactions of ALL TIME, and for good reason has been circulating the interwebs accordingly. Joe hooked y’all up in his RAW review already, click here.

This dude made an animated gif showing ANOTHER not-as-angry-looking girl at the same show. The fucked thing? The “dude” who made this gif is called… wait for it…. the “theburgerking.” I love when odd coincidences happen while I write these debacles…

– * KOTR Qualifier: Dashing Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio. I have no clue who moves on here…. good. Del Rio comes out just before the match starts up to join commentary. Rey and Cody do up a good program, this match has it’s moments. Del Rio gets involved, obviously, and this allows for him to help Rhodes pick up a win during a ref-bump. Rhodes wins.

– While our main event comes to pass, there remains only Kane to bark at Teddy Long. Kane blames Long, as Edge once again pops up on the TV. Paul and Edge are outside, Edge claims he want’s to give back Bearer to Kane in the parking lot before there is an accident. We haven’t seen attempted vehicular homicide in a while, and that’s what we get! Paul is RUN DOWN BY A CAR? Nope, it’s a dummy in the chair. The car is seen with Edge driving and Bearer safe in the back seat. “Whoops…” says Edge as he drives away…

– The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.


Random Morphine Reference:


Black Toad needs some TLC.


Shameless Plugs!


Bored Wrestling Fan
A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s political humour comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here

Project Wonderboy
A site dedicated to pop culture and media. From film to video games, MMA to hockey, and so forth.

Morphine Nation
An off-the-cuff, non-PC humour website. Originally founded by Destructoid’s Jim Sterling, the Morphine Nation provides a haven for content and criticism.

A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”).

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.


  1. "Heeltastic!" Yes! Thanks, G!

    I actually said that out loud as I watched it, how many wheelchairs does Edge have???

    The old D&D cartoon brings back SOOO many memories. You guys have no idea.

    You're right, something definitely seemed off about Swagger's match. I expected better, somehow, though I'm not sure how I'd describe it. Any Swagger vs. Kofi match should have been top-notch, and this one just wasn't.

    Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly. The universe is imploding, and I must go shove a carving knife through my own head.

    A very enjoyable show, but I hate the three-man announce team. I know that Vince loves it, but it's too much of guys talking over each other and too much distracting from the matches. Cole is just too much, and on both shows? No.

  2. Thanks DG! BTW, check your inbox in the forums for some info you were asking about in the posts I do. As for the 3 person announce team, I hear you. I have a tough time not zoning them out, which is a result of Cole more than anything. I'm not going to go on a tirade about him, rather, we hear him TOO much. He's not that bad, really. In fact, I like him with Striker and would prefer if these two were left as a duo. I think a three person team can work with the right personalities, but Cole isn't the right guy for it. On RAW, a Punk/King tandem would work best with JR. The play-by-play guy shouldn't be a heel announcer. Or at least at this point, not Cole.

    Swagger is an enigma to me. I don't understand how this guy can either completely light up the ring one night, and then sink the ship the next. I realize that a big part of it comes down to the other wrestler involved, and chemistry. I am still leaning towards my speculation that he is being told to work slow and methodically, and utilize a submission style. If this is the case, it's a bad move.

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