Howdy, BoredWrestlingFans! Rich Flynn here, for a second week of SmackDown! coverage. This week’s report is coming to you a little later than I had anticipated, thanks again to frantic University deadlines, which I apologise for. Thanks to everyone for their kind words about my first show report last week – here’s hoping I can keep working and improving!

All the same, let’s get this show on the road…

Last Week: Crazy man continues his kidnapping of crazier man’s crazy father, and Rey got a little revenge on Del Rio. Tonight’s main event will see Edge and Mysterio team up against Kane and Del Rio. With WWE TLC fast approaching, who will gain the upper hand tonight?

We kick things off with the World Heavyweight Champion, Kane, heading to the ring. Tonight, Josh Mathews is standing (…sitting?) in for Todd Grisham – for a second I thought he’d replaced Cole at the announce desk, but apparently not. Josh says it’s great to see Cole here after what happened with Randy Orton on RAW. What happened, you ask? Michael Cole got RKO’d, is what. One of the most satisfying moments of the year. Cole appears particularly downtrodden, and refuses to talk about what happened on Monday night.

Meanwhile, Kane has grabbed a mic. He says that this has gone on for way too long (couldn’t agree with you more, buddy…). All he wants is his father back. He’s not a toy; he’s Kane’s father, and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I don’t like this soppy Kane. He keeps talking about how he’s not a monster; he has feelings. All of this is tearing his heart out. He goes as far as to actually BEG Edge to return Paul Bearer.

In a shocking twist, Edge appears on the Tron. He says this won’t end tonight; it’ll end at TLC. Oh, and look what he’s stumbled across – it’s Paul Bearer! Look what he’s also stumbled across – it’s a steel chair! Edge says it’s been a while since he’s swung a steel chair, and he maybe needs a bit of batting practice before his match at TLC. He doesn’t want to be rusty. Edge feints a few chair shots to Bearer’s back, then smacks him on the third attempt. Kane leaves the ring and runs backstage. If we get more wild goose chasing…

Kane is pleading with Edge to put the chair down. Edge warns him not to take another step. Apparently he does, indeed, take another step, so Edge wallops a downed Bearer with the chair before leaving. I have a funny feeling this is gonna be another dummy, guys… Yep, sure enough. You’d think Kane would’ve noticed beforehand – you can even see the stuffing sticking out! Anyway, maybe I’m being a bit pedantic. This storyline just tries my patience at times. Edge appears down a corridor with the real Paul Bearer, and says that this is the dummy Kane’s been looking for, and sets off. Ladies and gentlemen, TLC can’t come quickly enough.

Anyway, we come back from an ad break to the gentle strains of Age Against The Machine as the All American American American… American comes down to the ring. His opponent is NXT 2 winner, Kaval. This has the potential to be a brilliant bout; both of these guys have been pulling off great matches recently.

Jack Swagger vs. Kaval: Swagger takes an aggressive lead early on, as Matt Striker says something about Kaval keeping it real, and cribs… and Brooklyn roots… I’m not really sure what he’s talking about. Kaval hits the ground awkwardly, and it looks like he’s tweaked his knee. No need to worry though, folks – it’s definitely kayfabe. Kaval tells the ref he doesn’t want the match to stop, and soon Swagger is going straight to work on the hurt leg. It’s gonna be an uphill struggle for the World Warrior. Kaval counters a Gutwrench Powerbomb attempt with a few swift elbows to Swagger’s face. He tries to build momentum by kicking the hell out of Swagger with his good leg. Michael Cole asks why everyone from Brooklyn is bald. At this point, I’m wondering if someone spiked the announce desk’s water with LSD during that last ad break. Swagger eats a few more vicious kicks, including a sweet Rolling Liger Kick. Kaval’s evened the field, but he’s still hurting. He’s gonna try and climb the turnbuckle as Swagger lies in position for the Warrior’s Way, but he can’t even make the first step. Swagger stirs and takes out Kaval on the apron with a clothesline to the back of Kaval’s leg. Swagger drags him into the ring, flips him over and locks in the Ankle Lock. It only takes a few seconds, but soon Kaval is tapping out. Nae joy, Kaval. Better luck next week, bud.

Your winner: Jack Swagger.

Jack’s not done. He takes a mic and announces that it’s a travesty that Kofi Kingston is the No. 1 Contender for the Intercontinental Championship. We see a clip of their match last week, as Kofi delivers a Trouble In Paradise for the win. Swagger claims that he was struck while being in the ropes, which is apparently illegal according to the WWE rulebook. News to me. Jack says Kofi cheated to become the No. 1 Contender, which is why Swagger will be protesting the Intercontinental title match later tonight. Hey, we’re getting a title match tonight! Sweet. Swagger is an early contender for ‘Quote of the Night’ by announcing that he’s ‘the future fifth face on Mt. Rushmore’. Fantastic stuff.

Josh Mathews announces that up next we’ll be seeing a match between the one-time mascot of Swagger, the Soaring Eagle, and Hornswoggle. I’m sorry, did he say ‘one-time’? That has best be a mistake. Hornswoggle’s coming down to the ring, accompanied by Rosa Mendes…? The Soaring Eagle’s music hits, but it’s not Swagger’s. This isn’t looking good, guys. He does have a Titantron video, however, which is spectacular. Justin Roberts announces him as standing at 6 feet tall with a wingspan of 5 feet. I’m calling it right now, guys – the Soaring Eagle will be an entrant in the 2011 Royal Rumble.

Hornswoggle w/Rosa Mendes vs. The Soaring Eagle: Rosa passes Hornswoggle a paper bag with ‘AKME Birdseed’ written on it. Yes, really. The Eagle hesitantly goes to the canvas to eat some of the birdseed, and the leprechaun nails him with a couple of kicks to the head. I can’t physically bring myself to write about this match in any great detail, so let’s skip to the obvious ending of Hornswoggle hitting the Tadpole Splash for the 3-count. This had better not be the last we see of the Soaring Eagle.

Your winner: Hornswoggle.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler is being interviewed by Todd Grisham(!). Ouch. Ziggler says Kofi is a life-long contender and that’s why the crowd cheers for him; they can relate to failure. Dolph’s mic skills seem to have really improved – I’m becoming a bigger fan week by week.

Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston: Obligatory Shallow Remark of the Week: Dolph could probably do with getting his roots touched up. Now that’s out of the way, let’s get on with the match. These two have had plenty of bouts in the past, and rarely disappoint. Michael Cole comments that you don’t get championship opportunities often in the WWE, which is interesting considering how many times Kofi has fought for this belt in the past year alone. Kofi starts strong, but is soon worn down by the champ. He makes an impressive comeback, including one of the sweetest high crossbodies I’ve ever seen. Dolph locks in the Sleeper, but Kingston manages to fight out before being thrown into the steel post. He recovers quickly, turns round and boots Ziggler square in the mush with a Trouble In Paradise! He’s set to win the title. 1… 2… but Swagger ruins the moment by pulling Kofi out of the ring. The ref calls for the bell as Swagger cranks Kofi’s ankle on the outside. Additional referees intervene and eventually pull Swagger away from Kingston, but the damage is done.

Your winner by DQ: Kofi Kingston.

Backstage now, and Edge is up on a balcony with Bearer. He pushes YET ANOTHER DUMMY off the balcony, before setting off with Bearer again. Seriously, guys. 9 days. We can get through this.

It’s time for a Masterlock challenge! Not seen this in a while. Dashing Cody Rhodes accepts the challenge and makes his way to the ring. Cody gets a cleansing wipe handed to him from ringside, then rubs the steel chair with it. He doesn’t want to sit on a disgusting, dirty chair. Cody hands Masters an emery board, for some reason, which Masters quickly discards. He delivers a couple of light slaps to Cody’s face and tells him to sit down. Hey, Chris – YOU DON’T TOUCH THE FACE! Jeez… Rhodes tells him so, but Masters has heard enough and sort of… grabs Cody’s nose… or something? Cody flies into a temper tantrum, kicking the steel chair down and generally hissy-fitting. As he’s inspecting his face in the mirror on the back of his jacket, Masters catches him off-guard and locks in the Masterlock. Night night, Cody.

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero/Drew McIntyre: A couple of surprises here. One, Chavo has a match on TV. Two, he’s teaming with Drew McIntyre?! This either bodes well for Chavo, or badly for Drew. Take your pick. I was pleasantly surprised by Santino and Kozlov winning the tag titles on RAW – it sort of felt like the belts were stagnating with Nexus. I don’t think they really needed the belts, you know? Plus, Santino and Kozlov have been receiving some great reactions from the crowd lately, so good for them. Hey, remember when Vladimir Kozlov was a main event heel, battling Triple H for the WWE Title? Man, that seems like a lifetime ago. Anyway, back to this match – Drew McIntyre has firm control over Santino, and looks set to plant him with the Futureshock DDT. Chavo throws a spanner in the works, however, by tagging himself in – much to the chagrin of McIntyre. Chavo looks for the Frog Splash, but Santino moves just in time. The Cobra is poised as Chavo gets up, and before we know it, Santino has pinned the Mexican Warrior. Drew clearly didn’t fancy interrupting the pin. I’ve got a funny feeling he’s gonna lay out Chavo here, and… yep, he does. One Futureshock DDT later, and Chavo is down again.

Your winners: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov.

We’re given a rundown of the TLC card as it currently stands. Apparently, My Chemical Romance’s annoyingly catchy ‘Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)’ is the PPV’s theme – and yes, I had to count how many ‘Na’s were in the title on my iTunes.

Wait, did I just admit to having the new MCR album on my iTunes?

Anyway… We’re told it’s just been confirmed: Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio will face each other in everybody’s favourite stipulation – a Chairs Match! Wahoo!

Layla w/Michelle McCool vs. Natalya… w/Beth Phoenix!: Beth Phoenix’s music hits after Natalya’s, and she joins the Divas champion on the ramp. Natalya and Layla have had countless matchups, and this is standard fare. Nattie locks in a Sharpshooter, McCool tries to help her BFF but the Glamazon soon put a stop to that and Layla taps out. A quick side note about all of this: as much as I love seeing Natalya and Beth as a unit, I can’t help but wonder if it will eventually lead to a feud between the two. I’ve been yearning for some Natalya/Beth matches for a long time now, and with the Divas title on the line, it could lead to a very, very good program.

Your winner: Natalya.

Rey Mysterio/Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio/Kane: Main event time! Rey Mysterio is first out, donning gold and black. He must’ve read my scathing comment about his choice of attire last week. Edge is next, before everybody’s favourite ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez, introduces Alberto Del Rio. Kane’s music hits, but the Big Red Monster is nowhere to seen. Eventually, the music switches to that of SmackDown! GM Teddy Long. Holla holla! Teddy informs Alberto that he’s going to have to go it alone in a 2-on-1 handicap match. Ooer. Del Rio is taking a bit of a kicking, but Kane eventually appears down the aisle. Edge immediately springs to the outside, and the two start brawling. Edge escapes a Chokeslam attempt and delivers a big boot to Kane before running backstage. The Big Red Monster is in hot pursuit. This leaves Del Rio and Mysterio going at it one-on-one. Not too much to report in this match – typical back-and-forth action between the two. Mysterio eventually gains the upper hand with the 619, and follows it up with a splash from the top rope for that extra exclamation point.

Your winners: Rey Mysterio and Edge.

The cameras cut to backstage. Two ladders are set up, with a table balanced on top. There’s a wheelchair perched upon the table, and Edge is talking to it. Kane chases him off and, figuring that this is yet another one of Edge’s never-ending supply of Paul Bearer dummies, he goes to push the ladders over the balcony. Edge warns him against it, but Kane simply laughs and pushes the whole lot over. Kane peers over the balcony, and his face drops – an EMT is shouting for help as the real Paul Bearer is sprawled out amongst the ladders and table. Uh oh…

Welp, that’s it from me for another week. Make sure you tune in for the Slammy Awards tomorrow night on RAW, and come right back to BoredWrestlingFan to read AlyKat’s superb coverage of the show!

Thanks for reading, guys!


  1. I had hoped Cole would not be present. He's established enough heel heat that I was sincerely hoping we'd see him show up in some kind of manager capacity. I realize that is quite the thing to hold out for in the modern world of WWE…. All the dirt sheets speak of Grisham being on the outside looking in….

    I suppose the WWE has settled on keeping Kaval as a worker. I'm fine with that if it means he gets lengthy match time as with this show. The big man fetish McMahon caters too makes me wonder how long his tenure will be. Yeah, I realize that is somewhat a typical smarky IWC response.

    Edge possesses some kind of magical holding pouch that eliminates the worry of weight with his numerous wheelchairs and dummies.

    We'll see what the Natalya/Phoenix setup has in store…. this is the only thing on the WWE female side of things that appears established and promising. God forbid they find a way to involve Gail Kim in a triple threat.

  2. That's a shame about Grisham, really. I don't rate him as highly as Mathews or Striker, but I think he's good enough. I too was hoping Cole wouldn't be there… I'm really interested in where this storyline is heading. I only hope they keep it running!

  3. Kaval is still waiting on the results of an MRI on his ankle. He toughed out the rest of the match because he's freakin' Kaval. I personally think that Kaval's tenure with WWE will prove less about a small man in a big-man-fetish world, and more of Vince sticking it to the smarky fans who demanded that Kaval win NXT Season 2. Sort of a "Oh, we'll keep him around so that he can't go anywhere else, but he won't be more than a jobber. Take that, people who don't like what I'm selling!"

    As badly as I wanted to see Natalya fight Beth Phoenix for the Divas title, with Tamina and Gail Kim thrown in, I don't think that we'll be getting it. For one thing, Michelle McCool has yet to be put through a wood chipper. Secondly, many reports say that Melina is turning heel and feuding with Natalya over the title. Despite her being hailed in lots of places as the top Diva since Trish Stratus and possibly ever, I just don't care about Melina. She does nothing for me, and announcing every move with a long, drawn-out scream seems counter-productive. Meh.

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