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Smackdown

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The Over the Limit PPV is this Sunday, and this is the last show before the WWE expects you to pay your hard earned money to pay for broadband internet to access pirate streams to ante up for the show! Will it suck? Only one way to find out!

Since these reviews are debuting on Bored Wrestling Fan, as well as continuing to run on Project Wonderboy, I should probably give a quick run down to those of you new to my style of wrestling show reviews, just so we’re on the same page. And I would encourage all of my cohorts from Wonderboy to check out BWF since it rules, and in many ways they gave me a start before I ever ended up with the Morphine Nation crew. I straight up write these while I watch. I work during nights (and the day too at another job), and DVR all things TV. I utilize my FFW power with a heavy thumb. If I think something blows, I’ll tell you that I am FFW’ing my way through it. Also, I do not do traditional recap styled articles. I write what I’m thinking while I watch. Thus, expect inane tangents and whatnot as you suffer alongside me. I will get these up generally the night of the show, but not immediately after or during except on special occasions. With that being said, it’s suffering time!

– We kick things off with three shots of rum and a cold, cold beer! Wait, that was me… Interestingly enough, Luke Gallows and Serena explain the SES philosophy in Canada since we can drink legally here at 18 or 19 (depending on the province you live in). CM Punk stands idly by as three young men sit in chairs await a head shaving to join into the Straight Edge Society. Fucking awesome stuff. Punk gets evangelical and requests the hands in the air or on the TV. I love this Jim Baker stuff! He makes them recite a mantra which includes this gem: “One Nation under Punk.” As the SES shave the heads of the Canuckleheads, Rey pops out! He displays a bald image of Punk on the trinatron to build the heat as we cut to commercial break…. Good opening bit! But it’s CM Punk, so I expect nothing less.

– I wonder if the following people are honorary members of the SES?

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Picard? Nope. He hangs with Stone Cold on weekends…

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Kojak? Hells no.


Mr. Clean? A likely candidate by name, but not with that heroin addiction… sorry kids!

– During the break, CM Punk and the SES beat the hell out of the three new recruits to demonstrate what they will do to Mysterio at the PPV. That was a little anti-climatic. Onto a bit with Layla (won the championship last week). Bleh. They both have belts for some reason. Since when has the Free Bird rule played out on a singles championship? Good thing no one really gives two shits about the Diva title any more… A crap things, get worse as Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly and Tiffany Kelly come out to do “battle.” FFW, don’t care. I can download porn. Looks like McCool got the pin on Tiffany.

– Big Show cuts a promo on Swagger… it’s like a PSA and it’s awesome! He emulates the Swagger bit, “Did you know three weeks ago, I knocked Jack Swagger out? Did you think that was impressive? That’s just one of my many accomplishments.” Ha ha ha!!!

– BROOKLYN, BROOKLYN! JTG, the non-Jannetty (in my mind) of the now defunct Cryme Tyme. He’s set to battle the Dude Buster known as Caylen Croft. I might have spelled his name wrong, guess what? I don’t care. Good action to start us off! JTG is flying all over the ring and picks up a quick decisive win! Nice.

– Backstage to Vickie Guerrero with Christian and tonight is the return of his “Peep Show.” Awesome! Vickie wants to be the first guest on his show… Christian says, “I’d like to, but I want people to actually watch the show.” He tells us he has a list from the peeps including Bret Hart, the Mountie, the Brooklyn Brawler, the Subway guy, and Lester “the guy who loves chicken.” But tonight’s guest is someone else….

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It’s got to be Lemmiwinks… Gerbil King!!!

– Great… it’s Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins (new tag team) facing Jeremy Barner and Brent Roberts. In some ways, even though the jobbers are facing jobbers. Well, the new jobber guy with the dreadlocks can sell! He takes some nice looking bumps, as does his partner who lacks dreads. Vance and Hawkins look good in a TNA style match (i.e. under two minutes) which ends in a squash. Apparently Archer is called “American Psycho” now. The two grab the mike…. these two have 22 days left to make an impact via Teddy Long’s month long contact. I’m still not impressed.

– Another awesome Big Show PSA making fun of Sthwagger. Once again, he reminds us that he beat down Swagger via chokeslam through the announce table two weeks ago. I love this.

– Jack Swagger is out and looks like a mess. Unshaven… His accomplishments, Oklahoma, and his Daddy were all disrespected… so now he’s on a mission to return the favor against the Show this Sunday. The crowd totally hates him. Out comes Kofi Kingston for a match.

– What starts with Kofi on top, comes back from commercial break with Swagger in full control. A little beatdown outside the ring makes its way into said ring. Kofi almost hits a mid rope spinning punch but lands crotch first on a Swagger kick. Roshambo?

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Matt Striker tries to tell us it’s to the inner thigh… its not… owww!!!

– Kofi opens a window with a nice looking DDT after selling a ton of moves. “Shelton Benjamin Kofi Kingston can do things in the ring no one else can do,” Grisham tells us. Mid match, Show comes out with a mic allowing for a distraction allowing Kofi to pick up the win! Show tells us one more all important Jack Swagger fact, points to the trinatron which reads: “Did you know? Kofi just beat you” That, my smarky friends, is how you pull a distraction/interference angle.

Christian’s Peep Show is up next… WHAT A RUSH

– His first guest is Hornswaggle. He’s STILL wearing his DX uniform. Hmm… if it wasn’t Christian, I’d be unimpressed. Christian calls him on the DX gear, calls him “Swoggle.” Tells him to do the DX chop… interview time? Christian teaches Hornswoggle how to speak Canadian. LINES FROM DOUG AND BOB MACKENZIE! AWESOME! SWOGGLE SAYS THEM!

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“Take off, eh”

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“Yah hoser”

AND THEN:

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“Hockey”

And then what Christian bills as the most important word in the Canadian vernacular:

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“Beer”

– Vickie interrupts and Christian calls her fat and a moose. Chavo is also with her… the little guy learns about another creature, this one bearing horns, and yells it at Vickie. This is pretty fun stuff. Chavo enters the ring to defend his aunt. It’s a ruse! Dolph Ziggler attacks Christian from behind as my brethren, the Canadian crowd boos. Frogsplash via Chavo as Vickie looks on. I am surprised that I can say, I loved this segment considering it had ‘Swoggle in it. Wow.

– Rey and MVP are up against Punk and Gallows. The SES start us off with some intense attack methodology on our face team… and then commercials ruin everything… FFW!!!!!!!!!!

-…during which I try and find an animated gif with the keyword search, “fast foward.” Instead I pull up this little unrelated gem:

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It’s a different world, from where you’re coming from. Somebody hook me up with some Dwayne Wayne flip-up sun glasses attachments, yo.

– TANGENT!!!

– We come back and the heels are controlling the action slowly… and nicely. Even Luke Gallows takes control of MVP for a while. Hot tag to Mysterio shakes things up as Rey goes into flippy floppy mode. Rey finds a way to pull out a win. Ok match… kind of got distracted (late, drunker, more socially involved online).

– A nice little exchange between Kofi and McIntyre helps build their weekend feud… it’s not ground breaking or anything, however, I enjoyed the confrontation. Both men seem more and more comfortable each week. We need new blood in the WWE.

– The Big Show is set to face Drew McIntyre in our main event. Whoop-dee-doo? Maybe… but there is 9 minutes left including these horrible, horrible advertisements for the remake of the Karate Kid to sit through… FFW of course ensues.

– But it is lackluster… slow and plodding. McIntyre is not made to look weak, but Big Show plays his usual “giant card.” Lots of brawling style fighting (hard to call “action”). I suppose there is a good reason I can give a nod to my bro’s ThinkSoJoE and J.T. explaining why I am also a bored wrestling fan. The match dissolves as Jack Swagger interferes and he gets some chair shots in on Big Show’s knee. And that’s the premise for our PPV, folks… because:

WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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How about you go hit up some BWF forums Morphine Nation crew? Seriously… stop being bored.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

4 Comments

  1. Good stuff. That Jericho video was awesome. I DVR Smackdown too and use the FFD button frequently too, mostly the boring parts and Diva matches. But hey it takes the watch time from 2 hours to about an hour.


  2. I actually found it when I was looking for a different video – of CM Punk, Mickie James, Chris Jericho, and some other guy singing "Summer Lovin'."


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