So, guess who the idiot is who didn’t remember to DVR SmackDown, despite the fact he knew he wouldn’t be home to catch the beginning. Yep, it’s me, your Bored Wrestling Fan. So I guess what I’ll do is give you guys the quick results for the first 30 minutes, and then go in depth and real-time for the next 90.
Hawkins and Ryder def. Finlay and Hornswoggle
Big Show def. The Great Khali, Vladmir Kozlov, MVP, and Shelton Benjamin via disqualification
Natalya def. Cherry
Vickie def. Cherry
Brian Kendrick (with Ezekiel) def. Jimmy Wayne Yang
Umaga def. Mr. Kennedy
Miz and Morrison def. Jesse and Festus
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy ended in a no contest.
Detailed results (in real time!) after the jump!
The show kicks off with a recap of Edge and Vickie’s wedding, which took place earlier today.
Chavo gives a toast to Edge. He says he’ll be honored to be in Edge’s corner this Sunday at the Bash. They cut to a mockup of Edge on the cover of WWE Magazine after winning the title.
Edge says he wants to give Vickie some action – no, not meaning the sex kind, meaning the WWE SmackDown kind.
Hawkins and Ryder defeated Finlay and Hornswoggle. Edge decided to be the special referee for this one. The match ended with Finlay attempting a Celtic Cross on Edge, being chop blocked by one of the Edgeheads, speared by Edge, and pinned by one of the two. Apparently the Edgeheads wrestled in their dress clothes and it was hard to tell them apart.
Edge and Vickie had their first dance. It was interrupted by The Big Show, who cut in to the dismay of Edge. Edge reminds Show that his match is next, and that he doesn’t know who his opponent is. Or, should I say, who his opponents are.
Big Show took on The Great Khali, Vladmir Kozlov, Shelton Benjamin, and MVP. And he won. It ended in a disqualification as all four heels beat up on the Big Show.
WWE Slam of the Week: Natalya suplexes Michelle McCool on the outside of the ring last week on SmackDown.
Blushing bride Vickie Guerrero is in the ring, and it’s wedding tradition to throw the bouquet. Meanwhile, Michelle McCool attacks Natalya. Vickie throws the bouquet, and it’s caught by Cherry. Vickie is happy for Cherry – she thought she was never going to get married. Catching the bouquet gives Cherry a match against the GM tonight. Before that, she’s gotta face Natalya. That match is NOW!
Natalya beats the holy hell oub to Cherry, beating her once again with the Sharpshooter. Now it’s Vickie’s turn. The bell rings, Vickie covers Cherry, and gets the win as La Familia applaud her from the stage.
Guess who’s suspension is over? Jimmy Wayne Yang’s! Foley mentions that Yang looks “pretty rested.” His opponent tonight is rocking some Randy Savage style star tights (with nautical stars), and has a big black bodyguard named Ezikiel. That man’s name is Brian Kendrick. Yang wants to shake hands, Kendrick refuses. Apparently, Kendrick has been being a jerk backstage. These two put on a pretty good match. The action got interesting when Kendrick was clotheslined to the outside, but moved out of the way of a diving Yang, who was blocked from going after Spanky by Ezikiel. Kendrick attacks, taking advantage of the distraction. Back in the ring, Kendrick has the edge for a couple minutes, then the action starts going back and forth again. Spanky winds up picking up the victory off of Sliced Bread number two, taking advantage of another distraction by Ezikiel.
Edge is congratulated by the Slim Jim guy backstage, and his wedding present from him is a box of Slim Jims.
Back from break, Edge is back with the wedding party as Mr. Kennedy makes his way to the ring. He may be from Green Bay Wisconson, but tonight, we’re “kicking it in North Cakalaki baabyyyyyy!” He does the name thing… thing. His opponent tonight is The Samoan Bulldozer…. Bulldozer! This match came about last week when Umaga attacked Kennedy after a match. Umaga uses his power to his advantage. Kennedy tries to fight back, and does an alright job. He uses his speed to avoid the Samoan’s attacks, but isn’t always successful. When Kennedy does get on the advantage, for some reason he tries to brawl with Umaga. That’s obviously not a great idea no matter who you are, and it doesn’t really work for Kennedy here either. After what seemed like an eternity, Kennedy started to battle back. For about a half a second before getting hit with a Samoan drop, which sends us into a commercial break. When we come back, Umaga is still dominating the match. The camera cuts over to Vickie and Edge on the stage at their dinner table. Vickie looks bored out of her mind. Kennedy is trying to battle back, but an attempted bodyslam was a really stupid idea. Umaga goes back to the nerve hold. Umaga heads up the ropes, getting a nod of approval from the groom. ‘Maga missed, and then missed a splash in the corner. Kennedy nails a roundhouse to the head, taking Umaga down for a two. He goes for the mic check, but couldn’t get Umaga down. He then gets hit with a Samoan Spike, and Umaga’s won this one.
Edge is in the new Slim Jim commercial, oooooooooooh yeah! Edge’s spicy side terrorizes patrons at the DMV so that the Rated R Superstar could get to the front of the line faster. He gets a personalized license plate that says “SPICY”
Later tonight, at the behest of GM Vickie Guerrero, we’ll see Matt and Jeff, the Hardy Boyz, in the ring together. Only, not as partners. My podcast wish came true, and we get to see Matt take on Jeff one on one later tonight!
As the wedding planner makes sure the cake is perfect, the WWE Tag Team Champions, The Miz and John Morrison, make their way to the ring. Their opponents tonight? BISCUITS AND GRAVY! There’s going to be a four way tag match at the Bash on Sunday for the titles, featuring these two teams, Hawkins and Ryder, and Finlay and Hornswoggle. I’m really suprised that after this much time, they haven’t really been putting over the fact that Miz and Morrison are the longest reigning champions in the company. They’ve had the titles since November 13 of last year (which happens to be my birthday. So remember that come November!). Edge isn’t thrilled that the presense of Jesse and Festus. Festus starts things off with John Morrison. Morrison gets hit with a quick throw by Jesse, who tags Festus, who nearly knocks Morrison’s teeth out with a big right hand. Jesse and Festus capitalize on Morrison, utilizing quick tags to their advantage. Jesse gets a little too close to The Miz, however, allowing Miz to pull his hair as a distraction, giving Morrison the opportunity to strike and then get the tag to the chick magnet. Jesse got to Festus though, and Festus starts running roughshot over the champions. After Jesse gets the tag, he goes for a cover, which is broken up by Morrison. Miz picks up the win with the Reality Check, but outside, Morrison has been flapjacked on the floor. Miz collects the title belts and goes to help his partner up.
RAW Rebound: JBL nearly kills John Cena.
Matt and Jeff Hardy have their match next, but they come out to the ring together. They stopped along the way to throw the wedding cake at La Familia, most of which ends up on Chavito. We get another commercial break, with the match up next!
Back from the break, the wedding party is PISSED! The match starts with the brothers shaking hands. These guys are no strangers to wrestling against each other in North Carolina. They both started off wrestling on trampolines in the TWF, before moving on to form OMEGA. They broke into the business together and have similar styles – of course they do, they’re brothers after all. Jeff goes for a Twist of Fate, but is shoved off into the corner. No matter, he hits the Whisper in the Wind, followed by his legdrop pin thing for a two. Matt tries to throw Jeff over the top, but Jeff skins the cat, only to get clotheslined out of the ring anyway. Matt goes for a Twist of Fate of his own, but it’s blocked. Jeff slams his brother into the corner, and then hits his dropkick to the chest move int he corner and gets a two count. Jeff fights off a Side Effect, and hits one of his own, before going for a Swanton. He misses. Matt hits a moonsault, but Jeff kicks out. It doesn’t matter anyway, La Familia came in to beat down the Hardys for having the audacity to throw cake at them. Both Hardys get speared by Edge, and La Familia stand tall over the fallen brothers.
Apparently during the break, the ring crew managed to set up the Cutting Edge set, without La Familia leaving the ring! They say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life. Edge can now vouch for that. Words can’t express how much Edge loves Vickie. He loves her from the bottom of his heart. He can’t show her physically – not now anyway. He can show you in a video though. The SmackDown production team hasn’t even slept all week, because they were working on a video package showing how happy Edge and Vickie are together.
After the video, in the words of my good friend JT, “it’s Game time bitches!” Triple H has a wedding gift in tow for the happy couple. He’s got a bit of a reputation for interrupting weddings. Don’t worry though, Edge, he didn’t drug Vickie and marry her behind your back. The Game is here for the same reason as the rest of us – to celebrate true love. It just warms Hunter’s heart. Hunter wasn’t able to put as much effort in as Edge did, but he brought his own video. Edge is reading a magazine in a hotel room. A knock on the door later, and Edge eats some mints before answering the door. It was Alicia Fox, the wedding planner whom knocked. She’s looking for Vickie, but Vickie is out running errands. Edge has some questions about the wedding. He wants to make sure he’s got his itinerary right. Hunter tells them to pause the video. He says it’s boring, so we’re going to fast forward a bit. Edge likes the white rose that was in the bouquet that Alicia brought with her. Edge is attracted to scents. He then senses Alicia’s scent. She’s not wearing perfume though, and Edge says that she has a beautiful natural scent. He strokes her arm, and hurts his trapezoid. He asks Alicia to rub it for him. Edge thinks it’s getting stiffer. Hunter interrupts the video again. Edge reminds Vickie he really does have a bad neck. Hunter can vouch for that statement. Besides, lots of guys get massages from other women in their hotel room when their wives aren’t there. “It’s nothing.” Triple H’s other gift is a sledgehammer. La Familia doesn’t want any of it, and we cut back to the video, where Edge is massaging Alicia’s back. He can get to the knot better if she wasn’t wearing a bra. Edge went shopping for bras yesterday at Frederick’s of Hollywood. He describes some of the things he saw. The people at the store told him that he wouldn’t find Vickie’s size in the store, and that he’d have to go to Layne Bryant. Edge reveals that Vickie wears granny panties. Hunter stops the video again. He says “this is awkward.” The Game feels uncomfortable, he’s embarassed because he didn’t watch it before he made it. That part killed their third gift – a giant pair of granny panties. All is not lost, Hunter can always park his car under it. We go back to the video. Edge and Alicia stare longingly into each other’s eyes as Edge has his hand on her knee. He tells her she’s attractive. He takes her glasses off of her. Edge moves in for a kiss, but he’s denied at first. She says she should go, but Edge thinks otherwise. He kisses her – she reciprocates. Back in the ring, Edge has a guilty look on his face – as does Alicia Fox. Vickie, of course, has a pissed off look, and she attacks Edge, screaming “HOW DARE YOU, I HATE YOU!” at him as he leaves the ring. Much like two weeks ago, SmackDown ends with a distraught Vickie Guerrero screaming.
Well, from what I saw of it, it was a pretty good show tonight. I don’t like what the latest turn of events is going to do for Edge’s chances at the Great American Bash, but I can’t wait to see what happens next. I’m kinda irritated that I missed the first half hour, but I had another priority. I’m actually glad I didn’t miss the Hardy’s match, it’s what I was looking forward to the most. Anyways, hope you guys have a good night. I’ll see you Sunday with Great American Bash predictions.
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