Well, I wasn’t planning on doing a real-time tonight, just a review later, but since I decided not to go to the concert I was going to go to (Puddle of Mudd, if you’re wondering), I’m home and ready to go for the BoredWrestlingFan Friday Night Tradition! You know the drill, so here we go!
Jeff Hardy def. Shelton Benjamin via disqualification when MVP interfered
Natalya & Maryse def. Michelle McCool & Maria via pinfall
The Brian Kendrick def. Scotty Goldman via pinfall
Triple H def. Kenny Dykstra via pinfall
The Big Show def. Ryan Braddick via pinfall
Vladimir Kozlov def. Festus
Edge torments Vickie and calls out The Undertaker
Detailed results after the jump!
SmackDown kicks off with a recap of Edge going crazy last Friday night.
JR and Tazz welcome us to a show that actually started 4 1/2 minutes ago as they’re in Norfolk, VA for SmackDown action. Up first, we’ve got a United States Championship match!
Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
I was wondering how Shelton was going to hang on to the belt – until the commentators reminded me about Jeff Hardy’s feud with MVP that continues this Sunday at SummerSlam. To solidify my theory, they showed a recap from last week, where MVP interrupted Jeff’s match against Benjamin. If the same thing happens this week, Jeff doesn’t get the title. The bell rings and we’re underway. Unlike last week, this one is fast paced early on, with a lot of back and forth action. Shelton goes for Paydirt early, but it’s countered into a Twist of Fate attempt by the Charismatic Enigma, but the Gold Standard escaped. When Benjamin is in control, he uses submission holds to wear Hardy down. Benjamin is as aggressive as I’ve ever seen him in this match, but Hardy manages to hold his own. Hardy hits Benjamin with the swinging rope dropkick for two as we go to break. Hardy has Benjamin locked in a headscizzors when we come back, but the US Champion battles out of it, and shows a flash of power by holding Hardy up in powerbomb position and tossing him into the turnbuckles. He takes control of the match, locking Hardy in yet another submission maneuver. The Rainbow-Haired Warrior gets to the ropes to break the hold, but Benjamin maintains control, hitting a Samoan Drop for two. Hardy tries to fight back from Benjamin’s striking offense, but gets caught with the Dragon Whip, but Benjamin only gets a two. Shelton goes for the Stinger Splash, but Hardy moves. Benjamin is able to avoid hitting the buckle, but turns around into a Hardy Jaw-jacker. Hardy starts to battle back, hitting a second-rope Whipser in the Wind, getting a two count. He goes for the Twist of Fate, but Benjamin reverses it into a backbreaker, only getting a two. Both men go for a cross-body, and they’re both down. Jeff rolls to the apron and pulls himself up, but Benjamin gets up at the same time. The Gold Standard tries for a sunset flip powerbomb to the floor, but Hardy counters into a hurricanrana. Jeff somehow managed to knock Shelton down in the corner, climbing the ropes for a Swanton, only to get pushed down by MVP, giving Hardy the win by DQ, but not the title.
MVP goes to kick Jeff in the head, but Jeff ducks out of the way, and MVP catches Shelton Benjamin instead. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on MVP, followed by a Swanton. He then hits the Swanton on Benjamin for good measure, and leaves victorious – without the United States Championship.
VIckie Guerrero is in her office. There’s a knock on the door. It’s Victoria. Victoria asks her how her summer was. Vickie asks if she’d seen Edge or The Undertaker. Victoria asks if she wants her to go look for them. Vickie says for her to not leave her alone, because Edge and The Undertaker are both here…
Triple H in action, tonight!
Later tonight, Vladimir Kozlov takes on Festus. But first…
Natalya & Maryse def. Michelle McCool & Maria
Maryse kicks things off with Maria. Maryse takes Maria down, then celebrates on the ropes, then tags in Natalya. Maria doesn’t stand a chance – yet still pulls off a two count on a rollup between power moves by the Anvil’s daughter. Maria manages to get the tag to Michelle, who comes in and takes over on Natalya. Maryas pulls Natalya out of the ring to save her from McCool’s onslaught, albeit momentarily. Another distraction by Maryse was enough to allow Natalya to roll the Diva’s Champion up for the victory.
The WWE Champion is in action tonight – will it prove to be a bad idea? We’ll find out later on tonight!
Every week, The Brian Kendrick comes out here and does exactly what he says he’s going to do. And he knows what we’re saying – “but he’s got Ezekiel with him at ringside.” So? Just by being around The Brian Kendrick, he opens up opportunities for other. Does anybody else do that as good as Kendrick? Zeke says “not a one.” You’re looking at the future, in The Brian Kendrick.
The Brian Kendrick def. Scotty Goldman
“Goldman” does one of those picture in picture promos – and he says he’s trapped in a box, and… hey look! There he is in the other box too!. Oh boy. Goldman is CM Punk’s good buddy Colt Cabanna, and unlike his Second City Saints bretheren, Colt doesn’t stand a chance here. “Goldman” tries to fight back, but save for a little burst of offense – which included a butt-bump – this one was all The Brian Kendrick, who picks up the win with his signature move, The Kendrick.
After the match, Scotty Goldman gets a shoulder block from Big Zeke.
Eve is backstage with Triple H. In two days, he’ll be defending the title against The Great Khali, not to mention his match tonight. Oh yeah, and the fact that he got the life squeezed out of him last week by his SummerSlam opponent. Is The Game in any condition to compete tonight, let alone at SummerSlam? Hunter says he’ll be making a statement at SummerSlam… but Kenny Dykstra interrupts him. We find out that Dykstra is H-Cubed’s opponent tonight. Hunter admires his “spirit,” but he picked the wrong day, and the wrong guy.
The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh are here, and they have something to say. “Ima iemiaje roim zanadoo vaoie ho v aieo ro oijaoewijr aoim unga bunga Great Khali say oiajw eoirj aoicmaoimwer” Apparently what he really said is that we witnessed his power last week, and while Triple H is great, there is nobody greater than The Great Khali. Triple H is just another obstacle that The Great Khali can easily step over. Listen carefully, Hunter – you’ve got nothing left to prove, get out while you still can, because at SummerSlam, The Great Khali will take everything away.
Speaking of The Game, it’s time to play it! The WWE Champion is on his way to the ring for singles competition against Kenny Dykstra. Apparently Ranjin is joining in on commentary, because I heard him ask if JR and Tazz have ever seen a more impressive specimen than The Great Khali.
Triple H def. Kenny Dykstra
As the bell rings, Triple H is looking out at The Great Khali, and Kenny takes advantage. It doesn’t last very long though, as the Cerebral Assassin nails a clothesline and takes over. This one didn’t last long, as Hunter nails the Pedigree for the three.
After the match, Khali and Triple H stare each other down. Hunter challengs him to get in the ring, but Khali stands there. Hunter goes out after him, and Ranjin tries to stop him. The Game drags Khali’s translator guy into the ring with him, and threatens to punch him if Khali doesn’t get in there with him. Khali obliges. The Game goes for the Pedigree, but he can’t do it. He winds up clotheslining the giant out of the ring. He challenges Khali to get back in the ring, but this time, discretion is the better part of valour, and Khali makes his leave.
Speaking of big guys, The Big Show is up next!
Still to come tonight, it’s Festus taking on Vladimir Kozlov. But first…
The Big Show def. Ryan Braddick
Much like Scotty Goldman earlier, Braddick got an entrance. And he looked pretty confident despite his opponent being the world’s largest athlete. His confidence didn’t last very long, and his offense lasted even shorter. This match reminds me of those old episodes of WWF Superstars, in that the most offense that the guy got in was a couple of weak punches to the ribs. Show didn’t even need the chokeslam – he won this one by knocking Braddick out with a big right hand.
After the match, officials are checking on Braddick.
MVP says that he tried to help and uplift Jeff Hardy, but now he’s going to bury him. Everything Jeff went through this year, it’s going to be nothing compared to what MVP’s going to do to him at SummerSlam.
Victoria is reading WWE Magazine in Vickie’s office. Part of her still loved Edge after what he did with Alycia. But now she never wants to see him again. She asks Victoria to wheel her out to her limo, because she shouldn’t be here.
We get a promo for K-Kwik Ron “The Truth” Killings R-Truth.
Up next, Festus takes on Valdimir Kozlov!
Vickie is being wheeled out by Victoria. She asks the driver to open her door. The window rolls down, and Edge is inside. He freaks her out, telling her that they’re going to have fun tonight. He puts her back in her wheelchair, and says we’re going to take a ride – a ride to hell! He spins her around in the chair, and starts wheeling her back to the arena, kicking his heels while he’s at it.
Apparently more people watched RAW last week than Monday Night Football… let’s see them say that after the NFL regular season starts. Anyways…
BISCUITS AND GRAVY!
Vladimir Kozlov def. Festus
This one is a brawl between two big men. It spills outside early, and the big Russian throws the Corn-Fed Colossus into the steel steps. Back inside, Kozlov takes control, using his power game, successfully, against Festus. Festus breaks out of a reverse bearhug, and starts using his power game, successfully, against Kozlov! Festus drops both knees into the ribs of Kozlov, and only gets a one count. Festus starts running around the ring, hitting moves on Kozlov on his way through – but that winds up being his downfall, as Kozlov hit a headbutt to the sternum, putting Festus down for the three count.
Video Package: The recent history between John Cena and Batista.
JR and Tazz run down the SummerSlam card.
Backstage, Edge is still pushing Vickie around in her wheelchair as she’s screaming. He’s crashing her into all kinds of things – “accidents happen.” He stops, gets in her face, and says that the ride’s not over, it will end when Edge says it will. He says he’s taking her to the ring. Apparently, that’s up next!
Video package: Shawn Michaels will be at SummerSlam to announce what his future holds. They couldn’t just tell us now, seeing as his medical exam was scheduled for earlier today?
You think you know me….
Edge is wheeling his wife down to the ring in her wheelchair. he’s taking his time and has that crazy look in his eyes again. Then he just dumps her out of the chair and onto the floor. He plops down next to her with a microphone in hand. He knows they’re going through a rough patch – but every marriage does. They said vows. “For better, or worse.” He knows what she’s going to say – there’s lines that have been crossed – unforgiveable sins. It hasn’t all been bad. Look past right now, there’s been good times. Edge wants everybody to see the good times. He wants her to cuddle with him. He says we should take a trip down memory lane.
Video Package: Edge apologizes, Vickie reinstates The Undertaker and books him in Hell in a Cell against Edge at SummerSlam. Spliced in are clips of The Undertaker destroying opponents in previous Hell in a Cell matches. Edge destroys Mick Foley. Spliced in are clips of Edge destroying opponents over the years. Edge goes all crazy on Chavo and Vickie last week. Spliced in are clips of Edge attacking The Undertaker at various times over the past year or so.
Edge tells Vickie to relax. They lay on the ground outside of the ring. Does she remember doing that to The Undertaker? He wants her to apologize to The Undertaker. She says she’s sorry. Edge couldn’t hear her. She says “I’m sorry, Undertaker.” Edge tells her to say it louder – she screams it. Edge says she’s pathetic, she caused the pain and suffering in the family. The Undertaker and Hell in a Cell, it’s because of her. She wanted him to burn in hell? Mission accomplished, he’s burning in hell. He promises her that The Undertaker will burn in hell with him. So Undertaker, why wait? Let’s do it right now! Come on, Undertaker, please! Edge says that he and Vickie are ready for The Undertaker. Edge will show Undertaker the purest form of hell that he’s ever been in. Edge gets up, and stands over Vickie. They said other vows besides for better or for worse, that can really apply to Hell in a Cell, Edge vs. Undertaker – ’til death do us part. Edge drops the microphone and stares up to the rafters in almost a trance like state as SmackDown fades to black.
Have I mentioned that I love psycho crazy heel Edge? My words cannot describe how crazy Edge seemed in tonight’s closing promo, which apparently didn’t air in the United Kingdom. If you didn’t see it, look it up on WWE.com later on tonight.
The rest of the show, I could care less about, other than Colt Cabanna debuting. In fact, even though it was a pretty decent episode of SmackDown, I’m going to leave you guys with footage from a Chikara show a few years back featuring Team WWF: Colt Cabunny and C.P. Munk!
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