Hello, fellow Bored Wrestling Fans! Tonight, to go along with the announcement that our site is compatible with mobile web browsers, we’re going to go with a mini SmackDown review to go along with those little tiny screens on your cell phones!
Match results and quick thoughts on the various segments and matches, after the jump!
Our short attention spans make us forget that last week, Vladimir Kozlov was told by Vickie Guerrero that he’s gotta beat The Undertaker this week if he wants a shot at Triple H at Survivor Series.
MVP’s VIP Lounge: MVP says he’s just a little off focus, and that everybody, like Gregory Helms, should shut up – meanwhile, we get a Hurrapop with Helms mocking MVP. If MVP doesn’t win a match soon, he gets demoted to a standard contract, which isn’t enough money for him. He’s interrupted by the Punjabi Playboy himself, The Great Khali, who takes over the VIP lounge. He says, through Ranjin, that MVP is boring. MVP leaves, and Khali hosts the Khali Kiss Cam. And Khali said that MVP is boring – this segment has me snoring. Through the magic of Fast Forwarding, I skip over Khali kissing two fat ugly women and come back to MVP attacking the big man from behind. He gets a couple of shots in but takes off before Khali can retaliate.
TO THE BACK (take a shot!)! Vickie Guerrero is with The Big Show and entertained by Khali’s Kiss Cam. That makes one person. She says that she picked the wrong giant to take care of her business. Show stands up and she says she’s joking. He leaves and MVP makes his way in, calls Khali the Punjabi Wookie. We find out that MVP has to win by Survivor Series or he’s going to have to pay back his multi-million dollar signing bonus. He’s up for it. Vickie puts him up against The Great Khali tonight.
I’m thinking of doing a parody video of R-Truth’s theme music: “I be keepin’ it jumpin’, killin’ the competition, stole this stupid gimmick from Men on a Mission; WHAT’S UP!?!”
Shelton Benjamin def. R-Truth – United States Championship Match:
Again? Fast Forward button gets me to the end of the match, where Benjamin hits PayDirt to pick up a win over R-Truth. Again.
TO THE BACK (take a shot!)! Jimmy Wang Yang is stretching. He’s confronted by The Brian Kendrick and Ezikiel Jackson. Kendrick quotes what sounds like a bible verse. Yang asks if it’s Ezikiel 25:17, but Big Zeke corrects him – it was Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. I’m waiting for him to cut a promo with the crowd chanting “WHAT?” I wonder if he’ll start yelling “Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again! I dare you! I double-dare you, motherfucker! Say ‘what’ one more goddamn time!”
The Hurrapop wants to let Ezikiel Jackson know that Michael Phelps wants his tights back.
Ezikiel Jackson des. Jimmy Wang Yang
Notice I didn’t type that Jackson “def.” Yang. No, I used “des.” for destroyed. Yang didn’t stand a chance, and I feel sorry for anybody that thought he would. If I would’ve used Fast Forward during this match, I would’ve missed the whole thing.
Kendrick drops Yang with The Kendrick after the match.
Vladimir Kozlov video package. I like Kozlov, but it’s a Fast Forward moment.
Michelle is backstage with the makeup lady. Eve comes in and asks Michelle for advice on training. Michelle tells her she needs passion for it. You know, the opposite of what I have for this segment. Michelle says that Maria is missing a little upstairs, and that what she does best is pose for pictures. Maria comes by tells Michelle that she’s going to take the belt from her next week.
RAW rebound. Since I watched RAW, Fast Forward time!
TO THE BACK (take a shot!)! Jeff Hardy is in Vickie Guerrero’s office, and he wants a shot at Triple H at Survivor Series. She says he doesn’t have what it takes to be champion. Hell, he’s not even all that Extreme anymore. She tells him to get ready for his tag team match, because that’s what Jeff does best. Jeff says that tonight, he’ll blow her mind.
SmackDown vs. RAW 2009 is out This Sunday. Who wants to bet that more people will be playing the new WWE video game at 8PM this Sunday than even realizing that there’s a TNA Pay Per View? Hell, I review wrestling shows and I have no idea what TNA’s PPV is even called!
John Morrison has six of his eight-pack abs completely covered in glitter. Tazz calls him “abbynormal.” Make fun of him all you want, but if I had Morrison’s abs, I’d be trying to draw as much attention to them as possible too. I don’t have a six (or in Morrison’s case, eight) pack, I have a keg.
Miz & Morrison def. Triple H & Jeff Hardy via DQ
It’s certainly not a fast forward match, especially when Jeff Hardy gets tagged in. Hardy uses his high flying, high impact offense that he’s known for, at one point hitting Miz and Morrison so hard on the outside that it sent us to a
Hardy maintains his offense and refuses to tag in Triple H. Miz and Morrison use underhanded tactics and take control of the match. Even on the defense, Hardy still refuses to tag in the WWE Champion. He also gets a couple of good shots in on Morrison’s mid-section, knocking some of the glitter off. Hardy, with an opportunity to tag The Game, looks at him and tells him that he doesn’t need him. Hardy takes control over Miz and Morrison, hitting a Whisper in the Wind on The Miz. Hardy goes up for a Swanton, but the referee winds up distracted by The Game, allowing Morrison to pull Hardy off the top rope. The ref, distracted by The Game again, doesn’t see Jeff Hardy bring a chair into the ring and jam it into the midsection of The Miz, but he sees him do the same to Morrison, drawing the disqualification victory for Miz and Morrison!
After the match, Hardy goes crazy with the chair. Morrison runs up the ramp and Hardy throws the chair at him. Back in the ring, Triple H drops The Miz with the Pedigree.
TO THE BACK (take a shot!)! Eve wants to know how Vladimir Kozlov expects to beat The Undertaker. Kozlov says something along the lines of he’s going to crush ‘Taker and then do the same to Triple H at Survivor Series.
Because of our short attention spans, we’re shown what Jeff Hardy did before the break. He’s in Vickie Guerrero’s office again. He wants to know if it was extreme enough for her? Jeff wants to know if he’s got the shot if Kozlov fails tonight. Vickie says that she and Vladimir have a deal, and Hardy is close, but no cigar, story of his life.
Big Show decides to come out to the arena to say what’s on his mind. He wants Kozlov to save a piece of The Undertaker for him. Show says that he knows The Undertaker feeds off of his opponent’s fear. Well, Show doesn’t fear him. In fact, screw it, let’s have a casket match at Survivor Series. Show says ‘Taker should practice holding his breath.
Again, in case we forgot, we get a replay of what happened in the VIP Lounge earlier.
The Great Khali def. MVP
I tried to fast forward through the ring entrances, and before I knew it, I’d fast forwarded through the match. Khali destroyed MVP and picked up the win after the Tree Slam.
JR points out that Brie Bella hasn’t tasted defeat. Tazz points out that most people don’t like feet.
Brie Bella def. Victoria
Brie actially wins this match without going under the ring, picking up the victory with an inside cradle.
After the match, Brie tries to escape from Natalya and Victoria under the ring. Natalya grabs on to Brie’s legs, and Victoria reached in on the adjacent side of the ring, grabbing “Brie’s” arms. Both Divas pull, and each pulls out an identical twin sister. The Bella twins smile at each other, and then put a stereo beating on the tandem of Natalya and Victoria. Backstage, Carlito and Primo are excited to find out that Brie has a twin sister.
We get a John Cena video package. You know the one; they showed it on RAW and ECW this week too.
SmackDown rebound. You know, just in case you forgot what happened last week even though we saw it replayed at the top of the show.
Then The Undertaker took so long getting to the ring, that it sent us to another…
Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Undertaker
ZZZ… Huh, wha? This match was so entertaining that I spent time on Wikipedia reading about Jerry Jarrett. Next thing I know, Jeff Hardy is in the ring with a steel chair. He levels Kozlov with it first, and then follows up with a shot on The Undertaker. Jeff bails as The Undertaker sits up, but as ‘Taker starts to stalk him, the official announcement is made that Kozlov won the match via DQ.
Afterward, The Undertaker chokeslams Kozlov before turning his attention to the TitanTron, where he sees Jeff Hardy come into Vickie Guerrero’s office. Jeff says he’ll do what Kozlov couldn’t do – he’ll take out the Undertaker if it’s an Extreme Rules match – Vickie says he’s got it!
Jeff Hardy in an extreme rules match?!? AWESOME! GO JEFF!
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!