I have no idea of what’s supposed to be going on this week on SmackDown, though I’m sure it will involve the Unified Tag Team Champions Jeri-Show, and the World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker as they get set for their triple threat match at Survivor Series. So screw it, let’s dive right in!
I’m disappointed for a second straight week. The guys that usually get me my SmackDown hookup have been MIA for the last two weeks, so once again I don’t have the episode title. Boo!
Anywho… This new SmackDown theme is growing on me. Like a fungus.
So, I’m not sure how I forgot about this – but the main event tonight is The Brothers of Destruction taking on Jeri-Show in tag team action, while John Morrison defends his Intercontinental Championship in a 2-out-of-3 falls match against Dolph Ziggler – but first…
I WALK ALONE!
The Animal, Batista is here and set for action. Tony Chimel introduces him as a former World Heavyweight Champion for some reason. Other guys who could be announced the same way – Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, and The Great Khali. Matt Hardy doesn’t get announced as a former ECW Champion when he comes out for this match. Why does Batista get special treatment.
Batista def. Matt Hardy
Matt’s wearing his purple tights this week. He looks like Barney the dinosaur. Remember that show? Does that even exist anymore? I digress. The former World Heavyweight Champion brings the pain to the former ECW Champion. Matt starts to mount a comeback, but I’m sure you can guess that doesn’t last long. Hey, here’s a challenge for you – when’s the last time Matt Hardy has actually won a match? I’d call him a jobber to the stars, but he’s also lost a couple of times to Eric Escobar (Post-research note: Matt beat David Hart Smith last week on Superstars – barely). Batista picks up the win with the Batista Bomb.
Speaking of Batista, last week, Mysterio knocked him down and left him angry following their contract signing. Josh Matthews asks The Animal about it. Mysterio cost him the World Heavyweight Championship, then signed the hold-harmless agreement, and then embarrassed him like he’d never been embarrassed before. Batista promises he’ll destroy Mysterio with no regrets and no remorse.
Video Package: The Brothers of Destruction
Vickie Guerrero questions why Teddy Long would reunite The Undertaker and Kane. Long tells her it was Mr. McMahon’s decision. She tells him to take control of his show. The Brothers of Destruction could destroy the main event for Survivor Series. Then she complains that he hasn’t used Eric Escobar in weeks. Long tells her to get lost, but Mr. McMahon comes in. He shakes hands with Escobar, then asks where he came up with the idea to team up Kane and The Undertaker. Long says it was McMahon’s idea. McMahon says that he recalls saying it was a bad idea. He then decrees that in order to help Long get off of probation, Vickie Guerrero is now the consultant for SmackDown. The crowd boos the crap out of this idea and Vickie squeals like a pig with glee.
Drew McIntyre is here and weighs 16 Stone. Why does he get to weigh 16 Stone, but a Canadian like Chris Jericho weighs 229 pounds instead of 105 Kilos, for example? Anyways, McIntyre faces Finlay, NEXT!
Video Package: Drew McIntyre’s rivalry with Finlay
McIntyre cuts a promo, saying that Finlay doesn’t really love to fight, he loves to cry. He’s a little baby who’s scared to death of Drew McIntyre. Finlay finally makes his way out to the ring, and we’re ready for a fight.
Drew McIntyre def. Finlay
This one was billed as a fight, and that’s what it is. There’s wrestling holds here and there, but they’re mostly used by Finlay to maintain control. McIntyre turns the tide with a thumb to the eye and a double underhook DDT for the victory.
CM Punk is walking, and apparently has a message about survival to deliver. He’ll do that, NEXT!
Punk makes his way out to the ring, where there is a table set up with three buckets marked with X’s on it and a trash can in front of it. Punk says he’s going to do something for these people that somebody should’ve done for them long ago. It’s an intervention – a straight edge intervention. The first step to recovery is a confession. Stop lying to yourself and say to yourself, “I have a problem.” Punk asks for everybody to stand up and admit that they’re all addicts. Punk says they’re all in denial. He says he’ll teach us all how to survive. He lifts up the first bucket on the table, revealing a carton of cigarettes. He ponders how many people realize the dangers of smoking. He reads the surgeon general’s warning and says that the people who smoke might as well be throwing their lungs in the garbage. Punk dumps the cigarettes in the garbage can and says this is how you survive. He lifts the second bucket, revealing a bottle of prescription medication. The people hide behind a prescription and a doctor, eating these pills like candy. He says it’s failure in a bottle. Every time you take one of these pills, it’s giving into addiction. He says that it’s printed on the label to take only as prescribed. He lifts up the third bucket, and it’s a bottle of whiskey. The crowd cheers this revelation. Punk says that the reaction tells him that alcohol controls their lives. He asks who wants to see him take a big gulp from this bottle right now? Well, it’s not going to happen. He says that it’s poision – it shouldn’t come with a warning label, it should come with a hazard symbol. It eats away at your insides, ruins your relationships, it’s the worst of them all. When you drink this, you’re poisoning yourself. Just like this bottle of whiskey, your life is going down the drain. He pours the whiskey into the garbage can to a chorus of boos from the alcoholics in the audience…
R-Truth makes his way to the ring – without rapping. He says that the truth is that Punk thinks he’s better than everybody else. Truth is, everybody makes their own decisions in life. Truth is, Truth doesn’t like Punk. He kicks him in the gut and DDTs the former World Heavyweight Champion, then dumps the garbage can full of cigarettes, pills, and whiskey on him.
Up next, the prestigious Intercontinental Championship is on the line as John Morrison defends against Dolph Ziggler in a 2-out-of-3 falls match!
Tradition be damned – the Intercontinental Champion makes his way out first for this upcoming matchup. Ziggler hits the ring, and we’re ready for what promises to be a hell of a title match.
John Morrison def. Dolph Ziggler 2 falls to 1 to retain the Intercontinental Championship
I’m just going to kick back and watch this match (and eat a sandwich), because this is, in all likelihood, going to be one of those “you just have to watch” matches. That and I’m hungry. Just as I finish my delicious sandwich, Morrison rolls up Ziggler and takes the first fall, and the lead, 1-0. After a commercial, I take a sip of my drink, and Ziggler hits the ZigZag to tie things up. Ziggler dominates through the third fall, but Morrison hits a DDT out of nowhere, followed by Starship Pain to take it, retaining the Intercontinental Championship.
Still to come, The Brothers of Destruction vs. Jeri-Show
Mickie James is in the house – and nobody’s told her to get lost so far this week. Last week, Michelle and Layla destroyed Mickie’s clothes and distracted her enough to defeat Natalya. She’ll get a chance at redemption this week – her opponent is Layla.
Mickie James def. Layla
Remember a few months back when I was complaining that there were way too many multi-diva matches? That hasn’t happened in a while – Pay Per View aside. Mickie makes short work of Layla, pinning her with a bridging rollup.
After the match, Layla tells Mickie to go ahead and celebrate, but maybe she should look at the Titantron – or whatever they’re calling it these days. Michelle is in a farm scene, and calls her Piggie James. She starts singing “Old MacDonald,” with Michelle in place of the farmer, and Mickie’s head photoshopped onto a pig. It’s pretty lame, but the announcers treat it like it’s the worst thing ever. Mickie does too as she pretends to cry all the way up the ramp.
Rey Mysterio is set for action – and he’s up NEXT!
Batista is here for commentary – but he’s not saying anything. Rey Mysterio heads down to the ring. He stares down at Batista when he gets to the ring. His opponent tonight is Tyson Kidd – who’s weight is announced in pounds despite the fact he’s from Canada.
Tyson Kidd def. Rey Mysterio via disqualification
This is a pretty good match – until Batista attacks Kidd on the outside, costing Mysterio the match.
After the match, Mysterio uses his quickness to get a few hits in on Batista before bailing up the ramp. Todd Grisham says that he’s really embarrassed The Animal now. If I were Batista, I’d be more embarrassed about wearing a dress shirt with wrestling trunks to the ring. He looks like some old muscular dude who just got up and hasn’t felt like putting pants on yet.
Chris Jericho tells The Big Show that they have to be on the same page, or the Brothers of Destruction will beat them. Show says he agrees, but he will be walking out of Survivor Series with the World Heavyweight Championship. Jericho says that that’s the kind of attitude they don’t need tonight. Show asks him if he’s scared. He’s been Tag Team Champions with both Kane and The Undertaker before, and that he knows what it takes to beat them. Jericho says he’s been in the ring with both of them and he knows what it takes too. He tells Show to listen to what he’s saying. Show says he knows what Jericho’s saying, but if it comes down to the two of them at Survivor Series, it will be Show, because he won’t hesitate to knock out Jericho. Jericho says he’s not intimidated by Show, nor is he scared of The Undertaker. Show leaves and the lights go out, which freaks Jericho out – before he realizes that it was The Big Show who turned them off.
Todd Grisham tries to give Matt Striker a history lesson about the Liberty Bell before they throw it to a video package on the history of the WWE at Madison Square Garden – that is oddly not set to Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” as it had been on Monday and Tuesday. Seriously – I’m fairly certain that it’s the exact same video that aired on Tuesday night on ECW, just set to some generic music. That’s kind of odd…
JeriShow make their way out to the ring, they’re in the main event, NEXT!
The Brothers of Destruction get a new entrance that mixes their current theme songs and sees a pair of Undertaker symbols set on fire.
The Brothers of Destruction vs. JeriShow
This was a hell of a match. I’m really seeing The Undertaker return to form lately, and teaming with him seems to really reinvigorate Kane. The only problem with this is that there was no actual ending of the match. It just randomly stopped. With Jericho and The Undertaker legal, Kane and The Undertaker tried to chokeslam Big Show through the announce table. They left that idea behind when Jericho tried to make the save. The Brothers of Destruction went after Jericho, Kane hitting a chokeslam. The Big Red Machine was pulled out of the ring by The Big Show, who hit him with the knockout punch. Undertaker went for the Tombstone on Jericho, but abandoned that idea when Big Show got back into the ring. Show chokeslammed The Undertaker, and went to put Jericho on him for the pin, but Jericho took it upon himself to hit Show with the Codebreaker. Instead of pinning The Undertaker, Jericho left the ring and grabbed the World Heavyweight Championship and ran up the ramp with it. SmackDown goes off the air with Jericho holding the title on the stage while The Undertaker and The Big Show lie in the ring.
Take note – that’s how you do a wrestling show. Sure, there were a few promos here or there, but for the most part, it was wrestling. I’m gonna leave off right here, because I’ve got actual work to do, but I’ll be back around noon with a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts!
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