Holy crap, it’s a trifecta of ThinkSoJoE goodness this week! Perhaps I’ll do a “ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts” column this weekend and make it four! I do have a lot to talk about this week, so that’s always a possibility. Anyways, I watched SmackDown earlier, and hadn’t gotten online to get the message that Drow wouldn’t be here this week until just now, so I’ll do my best to relate to you what happened on tonight’s show. And if my memory is fuzzy, there’s always YouTube…
There’s no show open this week – straight to the pyro and a welcome to Baton Rouge, LA, smack dab in the middle of a Who Dat Nation fresh off of a New Orleans Saints Super Bowl victory!
Kicking off tonight’s show is the high flying luchador from San Diego, CA, Rey Mysterio! His opponent has some company with him as he comes to the ring in the form of Luke Gallows and Serena, and he is the Straight Edge Savior, CM Punk – It’s clobberin’ time!
Rey Mysterio def. CM Punk
Punk dominates Mysterio in this match, working over the back through various means – holds, backbreakers, baseball slides into the steel post – but when Punk tried the latter a second time, Mysterio moved, allowing Punk to crotch himself against the post. Mysterio gets Punk in line for a 619, but Serena gets on the apron and stops Mysterio, who then stops an interference attempt by Luke Gallows by knocking him from the apron. Punk goes for the GTS, but Mysterio manages to hit a hurricanrana and get the surprise victory!
Following the match, Mysterio suffers a beatdown at the hands of the Straight Edge Society. Punk tells Mysterio that he can save him, then nails a Gallows-assisted Go To Sleep to leave Mysterio lying motionless on the canvas.
We come back to re-witness the carnage left in the wake of the Straight Edge Society.
Drew McIntyre. He’s the WWE Intercontinental Champion. He’s also got a new entrance. It’s pretty cool, actually. Kinda feels like a video package at first, then his new theme song plays, and he walks slowly down to the ring. Makes him seem more bad ass. McIntyre tells us that he’s got a match tonight, and he doesn’t care who it is. He’s undefeated, and he’s unstoppable.
I bet you can’t guess what happens next…
To paraphrase our friends at WrestleCrap, if you guessed “Kane came out,” step up and claim your prize – a gigantic helping of absolutely nothing!
Kane heads to the ring, and McIntyre says he’s got nothing to prove, especially to Kane. He goes to leave, but the referee rings the bell…
Kane vs. Drew McIntyre went to a double count out
Kane takes control early as McIntyre wasn’t expecting the bell. The Intercontinental Champion doesn’t let the monster keep his advantage for long, however, and starts turning the tables. The match spills to the outside, where Kane wails away at McIntyre until the bell rings – both men were counted out.
After the match, Kane tosses McIntyre back in the ring, but McIntyre caught him with a big boot. He proceeds to beat on the Big Red Monster, then goes out to retrieve his Intercontinental Championship. When he goes to hit Kane with it, however, he eats a Chokeslam for his trouble. Kane lays the belt across it’s fallen owner, and sets off his pyro before leaving.
Backstage, Mickie James is perusing the fruit selection when Michelle and Layla come in, mocking her because she’s eating. Great. I guess we’re not done with this Piggy James crap. Mickie doesn’t like it any more than I do, and tells Michelle they’re done. Michelle says they’re not done while Mickie has her belt. Mickie points out that the name on the belt says “Mickie James,” and that Michelle lost the title in 15 seconds. Michelle and Layla taunt Mickie with a bowl of cottage cheese, which Mickie slaps out of Michelle’s hands. The projectile cheese lands on – and covers – Vickie Guerrero. Mickie leaves as Michelle and Layla try to comfort the Official Consultant to the General Manager.
The WWE Women’s Champion is set for action! She beat Michelle McCool in just 15 seconds at the Royal Rumble. Ah hell, SmackDown’s got 15 seconds to kill, they show the entire match, complete with victory celebration – Mickie and the face Divas dumping a cake onto Michelle and Layla. Mickie doesn’t have a cake with her this time, but her opponent, Layla, has her BFF Michelle in tow, and matching sweaters that say “Simply Flawless” on them.
Mickie James vs. Layla
This match doesn’t last long. In fact, this match just gets started when it’s interrupted…
Vickie Guerrero, still covered in cottage cheese (that’s not a fat joke, she really was still covered in cottage cheese), and proclaims that this match is now a handicap match!
Michelle McCool and Layla def. Mickie James
Mickie manages to hold her own, but the numbers game is too much for her. Layla’s distraction allows Michelle to drop the WWE Women’s Champion with the Styles Clash Faith Breaker for the victory.
Man, that guy Dave has been acting weird lately, hasn’t he? First he attacked Bret Hart for no reason a couple weeks ago on RAW. Then he attacked John Cena after the show went off the air. Then last week, he walked out of an Elimination Chamber qualifying match with CM Punk. Dave Batsita got some ‘splainin’ to do. Who is brave enough to ask the Animal to come to the ring and tell us why he’s been acting so strangely?
That’s right, Josh Matthews is standing mid ring, and he’s the guy that’s going to get the answers we want from Batista.
The Animal’s music hits, his light show and video wall in full swing, but as soon as he hits the stage, he holds his arms out to the side. The video wall and the lights stop, with only his music and his TitanTron video playing as a spotlight lights his way to the ring. Matthews asks The Animal what’s up with his recent behavior, and Batista takes the mic. He shoos Matthews out of his spotlight. He doesn’t speak. He exits the ring with the microphone and walks around it, stopping in front of a fan wearing a John Cena t-shirt and doing the “You Can’t See Me” hand motion. Dave finally gets back in the ring, holds the microphone to his mouth – then drops it to the canvas. Batista goes to leave, but stops at the top of the ramp. “You want an explanation?” he utters as he turns around. He goes back to the ring, picks up the microphone… and drops it once more. He kicks it out of the ring for good measure, and leaves.
You know it’s the Mack Militant!
The SmackDown General Manager, Teddy Long is here. Last week, Dave Batista didn’t want to fight CM Punk. This week, he didn’t want to talk. Well, maybe next week he’ll want to fight. And he’ll get a fight when he faces the 2010 Royal Rumble winner, Edge!
The man who can apparently slap a tornado, but can’t say no to seconds, Fatt Lardy is here, with his even bigger friend who he only hangs out with to make him look thin, The Great Khali. And Khali’s brother Ranjin Singh is tagging along too. Hardy says that Khali always has a great Valentine’s Day (Why couldn’t it be Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s Day? Lock your sweetie in a Figure Four to show her you love her!), but this year, Matt’s going to have one as well. He introduces us to his Valentine, Maria! Tyson Kidd and his Valentine, Natalya, make their way to the ring, along with Natalya’s chaperone, her cousin David Hart Smith.
Fatt Lardy and The Great Khali def. The Hart Dynasty
I have one issue with the way this match was booked, and that’s the very beginning. Khali starts off for his team, and Smith is in the ring for the Dynasty. Smith looks at Khali, then dives over to his corner and tags in Kidd. Wouldn’t it have made more sense and made the Hart Dynasty look less like complete bitches if it was Kidd that dove over and tagged in the much bigger and stronger Hart as opposed to Hart tagging in the much smaller Tyson Kidd? Anyways, I digress, the Hart Dynasty actually hold their own with Khali and Hardy, but Matt manages to hit a Side Effect to return control to his team. Hardy couldn’t hit the Twist of Fate, however, and Smith distracted the referee, allowing Natalya to trip Hardy up. Maria rushed over and assaulted Natalya, and in the confusion, Hardy rolled up Kidd for the victory.
After the match, Natalya wanted to get at Maria, but Kidd and Hart held her back.
2010 Hall of Fame Inductee: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. It’s about freakin’ time!
Recap: John Cena confronts Mr. McMahon, and Bret Hart attacks.
We get a rundown of the Elimination Chamber card and a recap of what happened when Chamber participants faced off earlier tonight, resulting in the Straight Edge Society beatdown of Rey Mysterio.
R-Truth keeps asking me “What’s Up?” If I say “the ceiling,” do you think he’ll stop asking?
We come back with R-Truth just now finishing his rap, and he finally asks a different question – “Who Dat?” What a suckup. All of a sudden, my TV gets filled with lots and lots of colors and everything goes in slow motion. That either means that the liquid crystals in my TV decided to go berserk, or that John Morrison is on his way to the ring. Thankfully, it’s the latter.
R-Truth def. John Morrison
This one starts off normal enough, but Morrison seems to land awkwardly following a move, and falls to the canvas clutching at his ankle. The referee calls for the bell and determines that Morrison cannot continue.
After the match, we see replays of the injury occurring, and the trainers tend to Morrison. Methinks a certain somebody may have just seen a way of getting something he wants…
Next Sunday, 12 men hold dreams of main eventing WrestleMania in their hands as they step into the confines of the Elimination Chamber to do battle. One man, on the other hand, is already there…
You think you know me…
The Rated R Superstar, Edge, is here in Baton Rouge tonight, and after next Sunday, he’ll have a clearer idea of who he wants to face with his guaranteed World Title match at WrestleMania. It could be his former Rated RKO buddy Randy Orton, or the man he faced last year at WrestleMania, John Cena. Or maybe he can face CM Punk (the lovechild of Charlie Manson and Brutus Beefcake, according to Edge), or Rey Mysterio, or just maybe the man who is 17 – 0 at WrestleMania, The Undertaker…
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Chris Jericho isn’t thrilled that Edge left his name out of the mix. What, Edge doesn’t think that Jericho can win the Elimination Chamber? Psh. Jericho is bad luck for Edge. He was there when Edge tore his Achilles tendon, as he was reaching down and clutching at his heel in agony. He was there when Edge made his comeback 7 months later. Jericho doesn’t know what it’s like to make a monumental comeback after an injury, for the sheer fact he doesn’t get injured. He wins Championships and carries the company on his back. If Edge wants to know who to face at WrestleMania, he should pick whoever wins the RAW Chamber, because Jericho’s going to win SmackDown’s, and if Edge chooses him, he’ll do to Edge what he’s about to do to the man who beat Edge at WrestleMania 2 years ago, The Undertaker….
BONG…. BONG… (No, RVD, I didn’t call you…)
The Undertaker is on his way to the ring, and he’ll be in no disqualification action with Jericho, when we come back!
Edge sits in on commentary when we come back.
Chris Jericho def. The Undertaker
The Undertaker dominates early on as Edge talks about the Elimination Chamber and his history with The Undertaker. Undertaker goes for Old School, but Jericho pulls his leg and crotches the Undertaker on the top rope. He turns the tide of his match into his favor, and delivers a superplex to the Dead Man. Jericho tries to throw fists with The Undertaker, which doesn’t work out too well, and The Phenom turns things around into his favor. He hits Jericho with SnakeEyes, then a shoulderblock for two. He signals for the chokeslam, but Jericho bails to the outside of the ring. Jericho takes a moment to trash talk Edge, who tells him to just get back in the ring – but by then, The Undertaker has followed him out and nails him from behind. Taker glares at Edge, who stands up. Undertaker nods, then tries to throw Jericho directly into Edge, who moves and gets in the Undertaker’s face. Taker turns his attention towards Jericho, whom he throws back into the ring before turning around and delivering a big boot straight into the face of Edge. Undertaker goes to get back in the ring, but Jericho drops him with a DDT for a two count. Jericho capitalizes on the opportunity – he turns his back and takes off the turnbuckle pad. He turns around into the waiting hand of The Undertaker, whose chokeslam attempt is reversed by Jericho, who rolls him up for two. The force of The Undertaker’s kickout sends Jericho crashing face first into the exposed turnbuckle, and the Phenom hits the Last Ride, but before he can capitalize, he turns right into a spear from Edge! Edge leaves, and The Undertaker sits up. He goes after Jericho, but Jericho drops him with the Codebreaker out of nowhere and covers him for the pinfall!
Jericho gloats his way up the ramp as SmackDown goes off the air.
My Thoughts: Isn’t it interesting that John Morrison seems to be injured, and Shawn Michaels wants into the SmackDown Elimination Chamber match? Also, isn’t it convenient that Edge won the Royal Rumble, and his current biggest rival, Chris Jericho, is competing for the World Heavyweight Championship at the next Pay Per View? This is all pure speculation from yours truly, so don’t take it as the gospel truth. I may decide to do an edition of ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts this morning, but if not, I’ll see you guys Monday for RAW!
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