I’ll admit it. I’m not giving the blue brand the treatment it rightly deserves. But cut me some slack – I went to a concert last Friday, and yesterday I sat around watching Michael Jackson videos all day while waiting for a package to arrive via UPS and was exhausted by time SmackDown rolled around. Since I’m probably not going to have a chance later on today to watch it on my DVR, I’m gonna watch it on YouTube and review it here for you. Plus it’ll help my last few hours of work go by quicker.
Right off the bat I feel like I shouldn’t be watching this…
There you go, Mr. McMahon, Network Code U12139. That’s who’s been leaking SmackDown to YouTube every week. But um, please don’t shut them down. I like to watch your program and forget to set my DVR when I’m not home sometimes.
Anyways, I digress. Following the information that only the network should be able to see, the SmackDown opening video plays and the pyro goes off. JR and Todd Grisham welcome us to Milwaukee, WI.
Tonight, it’s Rage in the Cage as Jeff Hardy teams with Rey Mysterio to take on Edge and Chris Jericho.
But for now, please welcome the Chairman of World Wrestling… Oh crap! It’s the boss! Look busy!
Mr. McMahon makes his way down to the ring with his usual swagger (not the ECW guy, Vince’s trademark walk). JR is just as surprised as I am to see Mr. McMahon, who says it’s good to be back on SmackDown. He’s happy to be here. He asks what stinks so badly. Oh that’s right, it’s all the cheese heads, and somebody must’ve cut the cheese. Real mature, Mr. McMahon. There’s an overwhelming stench in this arena. It’s the smell of fear. These people are afraid of Mr. McMahon. They’re afraid of powerful people like him. The people here are job scared. They’re afraid of losing their jobs. Truth be known, the majority of the fans would be fired if graded on an objective performance level. And there’s only one way to fire somebody, and that’s the way he did last Monday on RAW.
Video clip of Mr. McMahon firing Donald Trump on Monday.
That leads Vince to his guest at this time, the General Manager of SmackDown, Theodore Long. T-Lo joins the Chairman in the middle of the ring and welcomes him to SmackDown. Vince refuses his handshake and tells him to get the silly smile off his face. Before he does what he has to do, he wants Long to tell him how he’s going to entertain us all tonight – and PLAYA, it better be good. Long says he’s excited about SmackDown lately, and he’s excited about tonight’s tag team main event pitting Edge and Chris Jericho up against Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy. Mr. McMahon says it may be good enough for the fans, but it’s not good enough for him. Long explains that it’s not just any kind of match, it’s a “Rage in the Cage” match. Mr. McMahon says it’s better, but he needs Long to give him one more thing to make it better or face the consequences. T-Lo announces that for the Rage In The Cage match, the guest referee will be CM Punk. Mr. McMahon says that instead of firing T-Lo on the spot, he’s on probation.
“Y’all know what time it is! We ’bout to crank it up!”
R-Truth starts rapping his way to the ring as Mr. McMahon makes his exit. He runs into the GM and the Chairman at the end of the Ramp. T-Lo partakes in the “What’s Up” rap, but Mr. McMahon just gives Truth a dirty look and glares at him as he shakes hands with the ringside fans. R-Truth is in action, NEXT!
Ain’t no stoppin’ me now!
Shelton Benjamin comes out as JR informs us that he asked for this match with R-Truth. Shelton gets on the mic and asks if we’re really doing this again. Fine. Since R-Truth comes out every week talking about the truth, Shelton’s got some of his own. People who claim they came up in the school of hard knox and got their education on the streets, it’s just a line to make themselves feel better for the underachievers they are, unlike The Gold Standard. Shelton went to college and got a real education, and graduated top of his class. The only thing, R-Truth has going for himself is that he “be skippin’ and jumpin’.” Shelton has an English lesson for R-Truth. He don’t “be” anything. Shelton doesn’t “be” the Gold Standard, he “is” the Gold Standard. He’s going to put it in Truth’s language. After he “be” beating Truth tonight, Truth can “be” skippin’ and jumpin’ out of the arena and out of Shelton’s life.
R-Truth def. Shelton Benjamin
This one denegrates into a brawl early on, with R-Truth on the offensive for most of it. Benjamin finally scores some separation by dropping Truth with a backdrop, sending him out of the ring and us to…
Benjamin is in control when we return, working over the back of R-Truth. Truth takes a beating but hits a jawbreaker, but quickly thereafter falls victim to a modified backbreaker. Truth reverses a suplex into a side Russian Leg Sweep. He gets a two off of a Sunset Flip and another two count from a powerslam. Benjamin hits a bridging German Suplex for a two count. He misses the Dragon Whip kick, and Truth capitalizes with a corkscrew elbow, apparently known as the Lie Detector, and gets the pin!
Mr. McMahon runs into Rey Mysterio backstage and makes a short joke before wishing him good luck This Sunday. Mr. McMahon says that he thinks Mysterio will lose his mask at The Bash. He says that he thinks Mysterio probably looks better without his mask, and that Jericho would be doing him a favor by taking away the mask. Mysterio says something in Spanish. Mr. McMahon asks Teddy Long if Mysterio just cursed him. Long says he doesn’t know, since he doesn’t speak Spanish. Mr. McMahon says from now on we only speak English on SmackDown.
Coming up later on, it’s CM Punk vs. John Morrison.
Michelle McCool makes her way to the ring with Alicia Fox, and we’re set for a Diva’s tag team match. Wait, isn’t this SmackDown? Why are we getting a multi-Diva clusterf#@#? Michelle will be getting a shot at Melina’s Women’s Championship this Sunday at The Bash. Speaking of Melina, she’s one half of the opposition in this match, teaming with Gail Kim.
Michelle McCool & Alicia Fox def. Melina & Gail Kim
Zzzzzzzzz… huh, wha? There’s a show to review? Oh crap. Divas. Ever get the feeling that WWE only brought Gail Kim back to SmackDown just so TNA doesn’t have her anymore? Michelle kicked Melina in the jaw, which left her lying and being checked on by the referee. Michelle ran in and kneed Melina in the face, then goes to work with a front face lock. Alicia Fox gets a cheap shot in from the apron. Alicia Fox gets the tag in and continues her team’s domination. Melina manages to create some separation and get the tag in to Gail Kim, who quickly turns the momentum into her team’s favor. She gets two on a cross body, and goes for some kind of move, but McCool had made the blind tag and catches her with the Styles Clash Faith Breaker for the victory!
CM Punk is greeted by the Chairman backstage as he’s losening up his wrists. McMahon says that winning MITB twice and cashing in twice has to be an amazing feeling, how does he do it? Punk says he lives a good clean life and works really hard. McMahon asks if it’s all just an act. Punk says that he doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to get high, he gets high on competition. Crushing the competition is the ultimate high, something Mr. McMahon can relate to.
Still to come, Rage in the Cage as Jeff Hardy teams with Rey Mysterio to face Edge and Chris Jericho
Last Week: Dolph Ziggler tried to attack The Great Khali with a chair for a second week, but instead, Khali grabbed the chair and got himself disqualified.
JR and Todd Grisham announce that Dolph Ziggler and The Great Khali will face off in a No DQ match at The Bash.
For some reason, we see Cryme Tyme’s “Word Up.” Send these guys back to RAW already. Anyways, today’s word is Jackin’. To rob a person of their possesions or personality. Whatever that means. Somebody needs to jack these guys’ job. Jesse runs in and tries to be a homebody. He threw biscuits and gravy out the window, now he’s down with the green. Then Cryme Tyme jack his gold chain. The sad part about it – Jesse saved that segment.
Everything is all colorful and slow motiony as John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. He faces the Champ, NEXT!
JoMo is still waiting in the ring. The World Heavyweight Champion finally decides to join him, and we’re set for action.
John Morrison def. CM Punk in a non-title match
The match starts with a handshake. They start off feeling each other out, and for all these guys history together over the last couple of years, it feels fresh and new. WWE keeps telling me that Punk’s match this Sunday is his first one on one match with Jeff Hardy, but for some reason I don’t believe them. I’ll have to look into it, but right now, I’ve got a good match to watch. Punk goes for a GTS, but Morrison fights out. Punk nails a bridging German Suplex for a two count, and we go to…
Punk is in control when we return, working over the head and neck of John Morrison. JoMo uses his speed to try to battle back, but Punk drops him with a strong clothesline for a two count. Punk gets Morrison in a submission hold, and refuses to release when Morrison gets to the ropes until the referee’s count reaches four. Morrison reverses an attempted powerbomb off the apron, dropping his knee across the chest of the World Heavyweight Championship. He hits a Moonsault on the outside, and starts to build some momentum. Punk reverses a knee to the face attempt into a single leg crab. Morrison gets to the ropes, and again, Punk holds on until the referee counts four. Punk catches Morrison out of a springboard move attempt into a GTS attempt, but Morrison gets free and hits a kick to the temple of Punk and scores a two count. JoMo pulls Punk to the corner, but Punk stops him before he can attempt the Starship Pain. Punk hits a reverse Superplex, but only gets a two count. Punk again goes for the GTS, but Morrison reverses into a pin attempt, which Punk reverses, which is in turn reversed again by Morrison, who scores the three count! What a match!
Punk gets his belt after the match, and extends his hand to John Morrison – but hits him with the Go 2 Sleep when Morrison accepts it! The fans boo as Punk looks down at Morrison, apparently not sure why he just did what he did.
Josh Matthews is backstage with Chris Jericho. He wants to know why Jericho is so obsessed with unmasking Mysterio. Jericho says it’s not an obsession, it’s an intervention. Mysterio’s an addict, and his mask is his drug. The mask will ultimately ruin his career and eventually, his life. Jericho says he’s going to be Mysterio’s sponsor. He used to be addicted to the cheers of the WWE Universe until he realized he didn’t need them. He then became the best in the world at what he does. He’s going to force Mysterio to unmask, setting him free from the lies he’s created. When it’s over everybody will realize that Jericho is right, and that Jericho is Mysterio’s true saviour.
Still to come, Rage in the Cage!
JR and Todd Grisham are in the ring and running down the card for The Bash. For what it’s worth, WWE is stealing typography from Fropac Entertainment brands again. The font they’re using is called Astonished, and I used it for stupid5pin.com years and years ago. Seriously, it’s there now as the header for the Trendy Little Stupid 5 Blog.
The steel cage lowers as JR and Grisham leave the ring.
Jeff Hardy runs into Mr. McMahon and Teddy Long. Long wishes him good luck. Mr. McMahon says he doesn’t want Hardy to win. Considering his past, he doesn’t want Hardy to represent Smackdown as the Champion. Hardy says McMahon should ask the fans what they want (that’s a novel idea, do what the FANS want!), and that he doesn’t need Mr. McMahon’s luck, he’s got his own.
CM Punk is heading to the ring to referee this match as we come back. The match can be won by pinfall, submission, or when one participant escapes the cage and both feet touch the floor. Jeff Hardy is the first one out for his team, and Punk doesn’t take his eyes off of him the entire time. Punk apllauds Hardy when he gets inside the cage. Rey Mysterio is out next, perhaps wearing a mask on SmackDown for the last time (yeah, because WWE is really going to give up that revenue stream when they’re selling thousands of them a week at $50 a pop). The Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho heads to the ring first for his team, and he’s followed by my favorite WWE Superstar, the former World Heavyweight Champion, Edge. Speaking of, there’s a limited edition Edge figure that comes with a full color Rated R spinner belt – who wants to buy it for me?
Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio vs. Edge and Chris Jericho
Sometimes, you just have to kick back and watch when there’s a good match going on. Speaking of kicking, Mysterio kicks Edge’s legs out from under him before sending us to…
Edge is starting to mount a comeback when the break ends, but Mysterio takes him down and sets him up in 619 position, but instead of going for his signature move, he runs up Edge’s back and tries to escape, but to no avail. Mysterio scores a two count from a cross body. Hardy gets the tag in, but he doesn’t fare as well, as Edge tosses him into the steel cage. Edge tags in Jericho who scores a two count on Hardy, claiming Punk made a slow count. Hardy takes Jericho down, and gets the tag in to Rey Mysterio, who uses his high octane offense to his advantage. Mysterio hits a baseball slide to Jericho’s groin, but since it’s a cage match, there’s no disqualification. Jericho tries to escape, but is crotched on the top rope. Hardy and Mysterio then slam Edge’s head into Jericho’s groin. Mysterio drops Jericho with a top rope Hurricanrana for a two. Jericho causes some separation by tossing Mysterio face first into the cage and us face first into…
Jericho slingshots Mysterio throat first into the bottom rope when we return. Mysterio tries to crawl to the corner, but Jericho stops him, dragging him back to his own corner and tagging in Edge, who continues to work on the throat of Mysterio, scoring a two count in the process. Mysterio manages to hit a headscissor takeover, but Edge gets the tag in to Jericho, who once again prevents Mysterio from making the tag. Jericho tries to pull Mysterio’s mask off, again. Mysterio shoves Jericho down and dives from the top rope, but Jericho caught him coming in with a dropkick to the abdomen. Mysterio hits an enziguri, but he’s too far away from his corner – Edge gets tagged in and stops Mysterio from tagging in Hardy. He uses Mysterio as a lawn dart, tossing him into the cage. He tries to do it again, but Mysterio reverses the attempt into a DDT. Edge tags Jericho back in, and Jericho trash talks Mysterio. Jericho tries to toss Mysterio face first into the cage again, but this time, Mysterio grabs on to the cage and starts climbing. Jericho realizes it before Mysterio escapes, pulling Mysterio back in. Mysterio hits a missile dropkick, and this time, when Edge gets tagged in, Mysterio makes it to his corner. Hardy takes the offense, and when Edge goes for a spear, Hardy leapfrogs it and Edge connects with Punk instead. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind on Edge, but Punk can’t make the count. When he does, it’s a two count. Hardy tries to argue, and Edge attempts to take advantage, but can’t. All hell breaks loose for a moment, and when the dust settled Hardy attempted a Twist of Fate. Edge tossed Hardy to the canvas. Hardy got up, took a moment to glare at Edge, and wound up turning around into a spear from Edge, earning Edge the pinfall victory.
After the match, Punk takes the microphone and invites the fans to put their hands together for a man who just fought his heart out for them, the number one contender Jeff Hardy. Hardy looks at Punk in confusion.
Backstage, Mr. McMahon is impressed by the show he just watched. He says he expects big things from Teddy Long this Sunday at The Bash. He says that Long should treat this Sunday as if his job depends on it.
Does this show really need a McMahon? Credit where it’s due, Mr. McMahon’s presense didn’t take away from or harm the show in any way. Even the Diva’s match was good tonight. Hell, even Cryme Tyme’s appearance on the show didn’t hurt the show. SmackDown is just that solid lately.
CM Punk continues his slow decent into heeldom with his frustration induced Go To Sleep on John Morrison following his loss. I have a feeling we’re going to have one hell of a SmackDown main event This Sunday. It’s been built up to perfection, and I’m looking forward to it.
I’ll be here later on tonight or early tomorrow morning with a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts, complete with Bash predictions, so stay tuned!
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