SmackDown results – 8/28/09By thinksojoe · · 8 Comments
I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown! Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!
The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam. He told us so. In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it. (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam). He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way. He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair. It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it. Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache. If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip. But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam. He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker. After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match. It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans. They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy. It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.
So you see the writing on the wall…
Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring. Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight. Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.” Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he? What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring? Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in? The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him. He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy. He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy. One of them doesn’t belong here anymore. Hardy likes taking risks? How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE. Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics. If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.” (There you go, Drow – he said it!) The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know. It’s risky. It’s crazy. Punk’s on!
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official. Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get. The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE. The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match. That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker! Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.
WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match. John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.
John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty
I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever. If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him. It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match. In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.
Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants. I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.
Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!
Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her. She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her. Melina says she should ask herself that question. Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl. Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.
Drew McIntyre is in the ring. Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring. He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring. Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over. He throws the mic down and walks out. Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!
Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.
Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches. We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason. She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete. Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her. She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla. Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it? Holy crap, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match!
Melina def. Layla
Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due. The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job. Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.
After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.
Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam
Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)
The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition. He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?
Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.
Rey Mysterio def. Kane
Meh. I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year. Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.
After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane. He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes. Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it. Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.
One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show. They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point. But for now, Jericho has something to say.
JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to. Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point. JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam. JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions. Unified Tag Team Champions.
Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time
Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.
Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard
Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on. It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho. Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring. All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on. In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going. In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.
Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown. Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.
The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back! (Hey! when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)
This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.
Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion. Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor. Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring. Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.
CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy
Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him. In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early. Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out. This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches. It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die. Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long. Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.
Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count. Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again. Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas. Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two! Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door. Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape. Both men are down, and we head to another…
It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time. Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count. Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate. Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up. He begins to climb. He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him. Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas. Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet. He starts to climb the cage. He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in. Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.
The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM. Odd. The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet. He ties his hair back and applauds the fans. He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down. He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it? He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future. He says “Thank you all.” He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show. “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.” The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time. Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title. Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.
The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!
My Thoughts: Man. I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while. Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.
Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt. Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.
If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title? I know, I know. I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.
That’s it for tonight guys. Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!
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when is Jeff comin back he’s my favorite wrestler sinse 1995-2009 now Im gonna see punk instead Jeff that suks I hope undertaker hurts him very bad WE WILL MISS YOU JEFF HARDY ;(
Jeff hardy wil be missed but when is jeff comin back he has to I hated punk sinse xtreme rulz n I was there. Jeff gone there’s no more swanton bombs my favorite wrestler is gone noooooooooooo ;(
Dear Lord…these guys need to watch the youtube video of the guy going crazy over Jeff losing to Punk.
I had heard about Drew McIntyre for a while now, and had seen the odd picture of him, but I had never actually seen him in the ring before. Wow! I'm seriously impressed. I usually enjoy the wrestler vs. entertainer matches, so this could be fun. If there wasn't already an official BWF Bandwagon for Drew McIntyre, I'm starting one now. Who wants on???
The Hart Dynasty gets beaten too often. Set me straight, Tyson Kidd is not any blood relation to any branch of the Hart family, is he?
Agree totally on Matt's look. Believe it or not, I was actually so distracted by how bad he looked that I missed some of the in-ring action.
Yes! He said it! I know, he technically has said it about three times now, but so what??? He's better than you!
There's something heavy about watching Jeff Hardy's last match in WWE. This isn't a 30-day suspension, he's gone. In really real life, he's gone now. It felt like a major moment, and people in the audience reacted like someone had died. It was almost surreal. Mocking that would be easy, but the idea that people have that level of personal and emotional investment in a wrestler is proof that fans want to believe. The cynics aren't always right. I like that.
I'm more shocked someone actually reviewed SmackDown! this week …
Although, I did have one thought.
When I saw Michelle McCool on crutches, I thought 'Gee, 'Taker must be packing'.