“Impact” Impressions 7/29/10
Leave a Comment[Joker voice] And here we…go! (more…)
[Joker voice] And here we…go! (more…)
I haven’t actually seen the show – in fact, I forgot about it until about 5 minutes ago – so here are the results from TNA’s Turning Point 2009 PPV!
Lackluster Amazing Red def. Homicide to retain the TNA X-Division Championship
ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Sarita def. The Beautiful People (Lacey Von Erich, Velvet Sky, and Madison Rayne) to retain the TNA Knockouts and TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships
The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams) def. The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelly and Chris Sabin) and Beer Money, Inc. (James Storm and Robert Roode) in a triple threat tag team match to retain the TNA World Tag Team Championships.
Tara def. Awesome Kong in a Six Sides of Steel match
Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon) and Rhino def. Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and D’angelo Dinero.
Scott Steiner def. Bobby Lashley in a No-Disqualification Falls Count Anywhere Match
Kurt Angle def. Desmond Wolfe
AJ Styles def. Daniels and Samoa Joe in a Triple Threat match to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.
“Bound for Glory” is TNA’s “Wrestlemania.” We’ve heard about the matches. We’ve made our predictions. Come with your Empress of “iMPACT” and cross the line!
Bring some snacks and settle in, peeps!
It’s line-crossing time!
Your Empress of “Impact” has abbreviated the review format for this week, as the job hunt continues to take precedence over everything else. For a lovely real-time of this week’s show, check here:
Match #1: Brutus Magnus of the British Invasion vs. Brother Ray: This was a “New York Street Fight.” It went to “no contest.” Massive run-ins from both sides, chairs used, and it’s all supposed to be legal, and we get a “no contest.” WTF??? Additionally, there was no build to this at all. Big gimmick matches have been rendered pointless through overuse and lack of hype. If Team 3D was mad at the British Invasion after the doings at “Slammiversary,” have Team 3D cut a promo, go after the British Invasion, and announce a street fight for the following week. Better still, save it for the ppv. But we’re getting to that.
To the ring! It’s Kurt Angle and the Main Event Mafia. Except for Sting. Angle welcomes Joe, calls everyone who didn’t see it coming as “morons,” and makes fun of everyone for getting played by the MEM and Joe. Foley comes out and demands his rematch against Angle. Angle is yelling, screaming, and ranting again. Oh, yay. Angle says that his contract gives him the right to choose who he wrestles. Oh, yay. If Foley wants something from the MEM, he has to give something back. They’ll go to the back and discuss it.
Match #2: Kevin Nash defeats Abyss: Not really. Dr. Stevie came in and used a taser gun on Abyss, allowing Nash to get the win. No Raven. I guess he and Douglas are both through. A real shame, as the Psycho Circus faction is awesome. Nash is terrible. The guy who can barely move and doesn’t sell for crap gets the win over a guy who actually used to be booked as a monster. Looks like happy days are here again. If you’re a former WWE main eventer.
To the ring! Beer Money, your new TNA World Tag Team Champions, hit the ring. They’ll give Team 3D a rematch any time. Scott Steiner and Booker T come out, and inform Beer Money that the MEM runs the show. Again. In return for Foley getting a rematch against Angle at “Victory Road,” the rest of the MEM gets title shots too. Kevin Nash gets a “Legends” title shot against AJ Styles. Steiner and Booker get a tag team title match against Beer Money. Oh, christ on a cracker, that’s just wonderful! James Storm, Promo God, understands what the Steiner Brothers and Harlem Heat have done, but right here and right now in TNA, they’re just another Neal and Bob. They can kneel down and bob on his beer bottle! Yes! Booker tells them that they have singles matches tonight, so they had better get ready for them. Team 3D comes out, and asks if anyone can understand anything that Booker and Steiner are saying. Great Steiner impression by Ray. Team 3D promises to make Foley an offer he can’t refuse in regard to the tag team title match, though Booker and Steiner claim that the match is carved in stone. Are they seriously going to put all the gold on the MEM at “Victory Road?” I really will commit crimes of such violent magnitude that a new mental illness syndrome will be named after me.
Match #3: Taylor Wilde defeats Daffney: This was a “Match of 10,000 Tacks.” Why? Why, why, WHY does TNA feel compelled to waste this in this manner? Daffney and Taylor have a “Monster’s Ball” match at the last ppv, which Daffney lost. They have a mixed tag team “Monster’s Ball” match Sunday night at “Slammiversary,” which Daffney lost. For absolutely no good reason, with zero hype or build, they have a “Match of 10,000 Tacks” that Daffney loses! Aside from completely desensitizing fans to this sort of match and rendering it completely ineffective, what possible good reason is there for the heel crazy chick to lose all these matches? Shouldn’t Taylor Wilde be getting her pretty little backside handed to her?
To the back! Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne sit on their thrones and talk about Tara. Her name is apparently short for “Tarantula,” and they won’t let someone from another organization come in and take the Knockouts title. A real tarantula turns up on Madison Rayne’s shoulder, and shrieking ensues.
To the back! In Mick Foley’s office, Team 3D confront Foley over the tag team title match arrangement. Foley offers them a “Number One Contender” match against Steiner and Booker, with the winners facing Beer Money for the titles at the ppv. Team 3D doesn’t want to until Foley gets on his knees and begs them to take the match. Taken aback, they agree to the match.
Match #4: Scott Steiner defeats Robert Roode: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times.
To the back! JB interviews Angle. Angle answers to no one, not even Sting.
To the back! JB chats with Foley, who is all about making up with Jarrett if Jarrett apologizes next week when he shows up. Angle can meet with Foley next week if he is angry about Foley’s “tweaking” of their title match deal.
To the back! Lauren asks Eric Young what’s up. Young refuses to be the court jester, and has learned that there are no friends in this business. Rhino steps up and confronts Young, who headbutts him and leaves. Jesse Neal checks on Rhino, who gets mad at him and shoves him away.
To the back! Lauren asks Booker T about his match, and he insults Team 3D. Sharmell runs up with paperwork in hand, giving her a match against Jenna Morasca at the ppv, because there’s only room for one female in the MEM. Great. A nonwrestling personality and skanky reality tv show winner from 2003 get a ppv wrestling match. The non-WWE part of the roster can’t be happy with this, nor should they be.
Match #5: Booker T defeats James Storm: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times. Booker has Sharmell get Storm’s beer bottle, and smashes Storm in the head with it.
To the ring! AJ Styles calls out Samoa Joe and yells at him. He wants to know who is in Joe’s head. Joe says that AJ can ask him himself at “Victory Road.” AJ attacks Joe. Matt Morgan makes the save for Joe and attacks AJ. Daniels makes the save for AJ. The entirety of the Main Event Mafia comes out and takes out all the non-MEM people. Sting comes out with his bat. Sting berates the MEM, and tells Nash that he expected better from him. Nash explains that Sting’s plan of “honor and dignity” for the MEM didn’t work, and Angle’s plan did. They couldn’t beat Joe, so they bought him, and had to have Jenna Morasca’s money to do it. Sting brings up Nash’s son. Sting hands Nash his bat and tells him to hit him, and turns his back. Nash goes for it, but Sting has a second bat and hits Nash first. Sting starts laying out the MEM, but Joe gets one of the bats and beats down Sting. The whole MEM stomps on Sting as the show ends.
FINAL THOUGHTS: If I sound overly negative and hostile toward this week’s show, it’s because I am. Unlike some people, if I didn’t really care about the product, I wouldn’t get upset when things like this show happen. “Slammiversary” was quite well-done, and following it up shouldn’t have been difficult. Did Jarrett and Foley lose their executive power when they failed to win the World Heavyweight title? Why does the MEM run the show and make their own matches? I get the Foley compromise bit, and actually like that part, but we seem to have come back to the “MEM dominates the show and win all their matches, and anything not part of the MEM doesn’t matter” routine. Had there actually been any semblence of a Frontline/Originals group, this might have been ok, with power shifting back and forth, but it all got dropped. Sting is out of the MEM, and certainly is not the Godfather anymore, despite winning a match with that stipulation. Angle is the Godfather again simply because he says that he is. Apparently, match stipulations can be disregarded at will, with no consequences of any kind. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, Chris Sabin wasn’t even on the show. Not even in a short backstage segment. That’s just cruel, TNA! I don’t ask you for much.
Join us next week for more detailed “Impact” Impressions, and hopefully, news of gainful and legal employment!
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
Wednesday. The only day in the week where there is wrestling on your TV. Monday Nights are RAW, Tuesdays have ECW. Thursdays make an iMPACT. Friday nights have SmackDown! Saturday Nights are ROH and Sundays are for Pay-Per-View. Where does that leave Wednesday? Luckily, at BoredWrestlingFan, yours truly has completed your weekly wrestling fix.
TNA Lockdown
I’ve been promoting this PPV for weeks. I even talked about this PPV during Wrestlemania week, without talking about Wrestlemania. With all that said, did they let me down? Well, it depends on which way you look at it.
For those who watched it, I’ve heard mixed reactions, although some of these reactions have come from the same TNA bashers each week who have watched previous PPVs in the past and think that the rest will be the same. However, right here on this very website, our very own Drowgoddess, thought the PPV was at least decent. Infact, she enjoyed it. I didnt watch it, and Drow did, so I will take her word on how good it was. But that doesnt mean I have nothing to say.
How can Team 3D, have numerous ‘Rough Cuts’ segments, stating how they help the young guys, that they’re not there to be selfish and that they’re there to put over the young guys. Then why in the hell, did they NOT put over Beer Money Inc. at Lockdown? Was it because it was in Philly, your ‘hometown’ so to speak? Brother Ray, Brother Devon, since when did you guys become Bret Hart? It shouldnt matter if your ‘home’ or away, if the jobs to be done, then the jobs to be done. There is absolutely no reason why Team 3D should be the Tag Team Champions at this moment. It seems that you lie to your wrestling school, when you say you help the young guys, because all you done at Lockdown, was squash all the momentum James Storm and Robert Roode had. Thanks a lot Team 3D.
Suicide needs to be someone new, and not guys like Daniels or Kaz. if Suicide was a new guy, then you could have guys like Daniels, Kaz and Suicide on the roster, whereas this way, only one of Daniels and Kaz can be on the roster, otherwise one will be pulling double-duty every night. Daniels has just come back to the roster as himself, but he also donned the Suicide outfit for Lockdown, which means he wrestled two matches in the night, when he shouldnt of had to. Many people could complain as to why you turned a video game character into a real-life character, but I’m not one of those. The only thing that upsets me about Suicide, is that it isnt someone new in that suit.
Angelina Love won the KnockOuts belt. It gives Awesome Kong the chance for some time off, which is a good thing. However, is it such a godd thing for everything else. The Beautiful People is a good heel group in the KnockOuts division, especially since Kute Kip stopped hanging around, and they recruited Madison Rayne. The problem with Angelina Love with the belt is this, she has zero ability. It would be like, Lauren winning the belt. Thats how much ability she has, and plus, it will probably lead to a rift between Love and fellow members Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne, which will lead to the break-up of the group, which can only mean bad things for TNA. Sure, they have SoJo Bolt and Rhaka Khan as heels, but against the face core of Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, ODB, Kong, Raisha Saeed and Daffney, it is pivotial in this columnist’s opinion that they dont break up the Beautiful People over the title. But I suppose, like everything else in the world, only time will tell.
MotorCity Machine Guns retained the belts. Nice to see TNA actually see them as a Tag Team champion, even if it is only the Junior IWGP Tag Team Champions. They’re still champions. A note to Team 3D, have these guys beat you for your Tag gold. Thats right, you say you help the young guys, but you’d just rather squash. Sorry for suggesting you actually lose clean.
ODB won Queen of the Cage, thus becoming #1 contender for the KnockOuts title. Who is that guy with her? Since when did they hire Joe Dirt? JT would’ve been a better winner.
Abyss, Matt Morgan, Tean Jarrett and Team Angle? Meh.
Sting and Mick Foley. We have a new champion folks, and it’s Mick Foley. You know Mick Foley, he was thrown off a cage in 1996. He won his first major title as Mankind in 1998. It’s nice to see Sting putting over the young guys. Great job, Sting! I dont care how good the match may have been. It’s a joke that Foley is champ. Isnt he the Commish, or the Executive Shareholder or something like that? How can an authority figure win the belt? It’s like when Vince McMahon won the 1998 Royal Rumble, only Foley’s win makes no sense. Foley equals Ratings, bullshit. Pushing the young guys, and providing an actual wrestling show. That equals Ratings.
WWE Backlash
The Pay-Per-View is this Sunday. You think i’m lying don’t you? I promise you, I’m not. I wish I was though, because the matches they are providing doesnt exactly show a ‘great’ PPV. let me show you.
The Main Event has the Legacy (Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes), face off against the team of Shane McMahon, Batista and the WWE Champion, Triple H. The stipulation is as follows. If any members of Randy Orton’s team wins, then Randy Orton wins the title, however, if any members of Triple H’s team wins, then Triple H retains the title. Judging by the tension between Shane and Batista on RAW the past weeks, and Batista’s spear on Shane during the Orton/HHH NoDQ match on RAW this past week, I can say with great security, that Batista gets the pin for his team, then lays claim to the title, and challenges Triple H.
John Cena defends the World Heavyweight Championship, against the former holder, Edge, in a Last Man Standing match. Is it just me, or have these two feuded since New Year’s Revolution 2007, when Edge cashed in Money in the Bank, after Cena survivng the Elimination Chamber? This is about the only match that these two havent competed in against each other, besides Hell In A Cell. Cena doesnt interest me, and Edge, well, maybe with Vickie Guerrero on RAW now, he can become a heel on his own accord, rather than using the likes of Lita, and Vickie to help him get there.
Jack Swagger defends the ECW Championship against Christian. Yes, really. The ECW Title is being defended on Pay-Per-View. Shocking. Anyways, after the four-way, three-match elimination process, which saw Mark Henry, Tommy Dreamer and Finlay eliminated. Christian winds up as number one contender. This gives them one-week, two shows (ECW and Superstars), to build this match into any insignificance. With Swagger’s poor performance at No Way Out, many say he’s being punished. If that’s the case, then Swagger has an uphill ride ahead of him if he wants to get back to the levels he’s at now.
Chris Jericho vs Ricky Steamboat. It seems those in the WWE were impressed with Steamboat’s performance at Wrestlemania, that they’ve decided to book him in a match, against Jericho. Another match with pretty much zero buildup, which doesnt sound good. However, we know Jericho can go, it depends on if Steamboat can go at least ten minutes to make this match anything.
Jeff Hardy faces his brother Matt in an ‘I Quit’ match. This sure seems to be the PPV for gimmicks, doesnt it? I thought their gimmick PPV was a entitled ‘Extreme Rules’ and it was in June? Hmmm, I must be mistaken. This looks like the match to end the feud between the Hardy Boyz, which has stemmed since the Survivor Series. The fans utterly adore Jeff, so let’s hope he puts over his brother Matt, to give him the push. Otherwise, it’s a TNA-story all over again.
Khali kissing ‘Santina’ on Khali-kiss cam? Your kidding me, right? No? This is really happening. A guy in drag, is gonna kiss a big, useless guy whose claim to fame is being an extra in the re-make of the Longest Yard. I will use a quote, from US tennis great John McEnroe here when I say “You can’t be serious”.
CM Punk vs Kane? Since when? Apparently, this match stems from the end of the Money in the Bank ladder match at Wrestlemania, in which Punk kicked Kane off the ladder, in order to grab the briefcase. The only other build-up this match has had, was a match on RAW between the two (remember, CM Punk and Kane were both drafted to SmackDown!, so why are they competing on RAW is my question), in which Punk countered the Chokeslam into a roll-up into a three count. Why do I get the feeling that Backlash is like one big jigsaw, that has been put together very rushed and all the pieces are in the wrong spot.
This PPV doesnt make me think it’s a must-watch, or even a maybe-watch. Maybe it’s the PPV after Wrestlemania. Maybe it’s the rush job they have done in creating matches, or maybe it’s me wanting to watch SummerSlam ’99 again. Whatever the reason, I’m staying away from Backlash.
WWE Vintage Collection
This, I have to say, is the only WWE show, I enjoy watching. For those who havent seen it, it’s hosted by ‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund, and it’s an hour log show, remembering the shows of yesteryear. Anything from past Wrestlemanias, to U.K. only specials, to weekly shows from the 80s. It’s an old-school fan’s delight, and now, starting this week, I am recapping this show for WorldWrestlingInsanity.com, due to leave taken by their usual recapper. Whether it’s only a part-time gig, or whether it’s a more permanent role remains to be seen, but my first recap from what I understand, will appear at WorldWrestlingInsanity.com today! Go check it out, and enjoy the Battle Royal at Royal Albert Hall from October 3, 1991.
That’s it for another Wednesday. Be sure to check back each and every day for various columns and results from the fellow Bored Wrestling Fan crew. But, from this columnist, I bid you adieu.
New name. Same old dribble.
It seems that the folks at BoredWrestlingFan.com, liked my first column, and have allowed me back for a second week, and with this being Wrestlemania 25 week, I’m here to talk about the WWE’s biggest PPV of the year! Or not.
For you see, in a little over two weeks from now, Total Nonstop Action have a PPV entitled ‘Lockdown’, in which every match takes place, inside of the ‘Six Sides of Steel’. The main event of this event pits the TNA World Champion ‘the Icon’ Sting, against the man of many personas, ‘the Hardcore Legend’ Mick Foley. Two of the oldest, rundown names in TNA go one-on-one for the gold, in a company that is apparently pushing the ‘younger’ talent up the ranks.
Also announced for this PPV, is the New Japan Tag Team Champions, Team 3D, against the TNA Tag Team Champions, Beer Money Inc., in which both sets of titles will be on the line. The event is in Philadelphia, Team3D’s second home you could say, since ECW was based in Philly, so the likeliness of having new TNA Tag Champs, is very likely. However, like I said last week, if your pushing the young guys, have Beer Money win. Even in their little ‘Roughcuts’ interview segment with Brother Ray, he said that he’s there to help the young guys, and put them over. I’m the biggest Beer Money fan I know. I wear my James Storm ‘Sorry About Your Damn Luck’ T-Shirt with pride. If Team 3D win, then TNA inches another step closer to becoming WCW.
Then of course, there’s Lethal Lockdown, where teams of 4 or 5, depending on the year, battle each other to determine which is the better team. The team captains for the match, Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe, which were decided in a 20-man Gauntlet inside the steel, will pick their partners to face the other team. Now Kurt has already gone on record, in picking his team, fellow Main Event Mafia members Booker T, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash. Samoa Jow on the other hand, doesnt want to be Captain. He just wants to match Jeff Hardy for ridiculous face paint, and carry a blade around with him, to make him look tough. Expect Jeff Jarrett, AJ Styles and Eric Young to be Joe’s partners.
Onto a topic, of a non-wrestling related manner, Jenson Button, driving for Brawn GP, led a 1-2 for his team in the first race of the Formula One season, after Sebastien Vettel, driving for RedBull Racing, and Robert Kubica, driving for BMW-Sauber, collided with each other with three laps to go, whilst sitting second and third respectively. After the 1-2 finish in Melbourne, Australia, Brawn GP decided to sack 270 of its workers. What a way to celebrate,you helped win us the race, now we dont need you. Also, the Brawn GP cars are sponsored by Richard Branson run, Virgin. Does that now mean, that because one of the cars sponsored by Virgin, won the race, will be false advertising for the rest of the year, because it won its first race? I thought you weren’t a Virgin after your first?
Awesome Kong is NOT a match with Al Bundy.
Did You Know? Phillip Seymour Hoffman, is Kurt Angle’s second cousin.
Enjoy the rest of Wrestlemania week! (This coming from the one person, who didnt talk about Wrestlemania in his column.)
——————–X————————-
Seriously. There really is a pay-per-view on Sunday. Tonight’s “Impact” is the go-home show. The question is, is it a home we want to go to? Let’s find out!
Yes, it has a name now.
It’s that time of the week, so find the nearest line and cross it!
Woo hoo! We open with a wrestling match! Yaay! Oh. It’s Lance Rock versus Rhino. Less yaay.
Find a line, peoples, cuz it’s time to cross it!
We open with bizarre audio technical difficulties that make it sound as if, in addition to heavy static, everyone in the Front Line locker room has the voice of Invader Zim. The problem is corrected before Brother Ray gets too far into his troop-rallying promo, however. He tells the assemblage of Front Liners that they need to now stand up for themselves, and that the Main Event Mafia represents everything that they don’t want to become. The new revolution is starting tonight, and they need to do it for themselves, for the business, and for the people (the fans, one presumes) who pay their checks. Everyone is pumped and leaves the locker room with victory on the brain!