Since I tend to grab the non-spoiler match card before writing this, it gives me an idea of what type of suffering I am about to enter into. And dear lord, this one looks redundant and bad. Let’s see if the actual show delivers regardless, shall we?
Resident ThinkSoJoE was at this event, he might get involved.
Oh, bye bye Kelly Kelly Kelly! No one will miss you!
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Sigh. What can I say? Night of Champions was actually really good. Nobody had a near-death experience on RAW, you would think all is right in the world. But sadly no, see the NHL is locked out. Yes, this is a wrestling site, true. But, man I share the sentiments of many fans who have disdain for both the owners and the players stealing the NHL from us over greed. Terrible. Perhaps Smackdown will lift my spirits? Perhaps some one might show up on the program we haven’t seen in a while? Let’s hop to it, shall we?
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Clearly, with the Jerry Lawler incident on RAW, this will be a somber episode. The WWE still has a PPV this Sunday to promote as well. I guess we should just hop to it, shall we?
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We briefly see ADR and David Otunga (AAL) helping a neck-brace wearing Ricardo out of GM Booker T’s office. That’s right folks another law suit angle in professional Matlock… err…. L.A. Law… no that’s not it…. hmm…. Law and Order? Nah…. how about Kojak? Yeah, that’s the one. Savalas and shit.
What’s up mother fucker? I’m bald. And dead. How do you like them apples……bitches?
Friday Night Smackdown hopping time! Shall we?
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So, apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of intro paragraph for these things. A paragraph usually is constituted with a few sentences that correlate to an idea and supports the content within. Furthermore, including this sentence, I count three strings of words. Done. Let’s hop to it, shall we?
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It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.
Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?
Let’s do things a bit differently this week.
MATCH RESULTS
• CM PUNK VS BIG SHOW – NO CONTEST: It’s basically Big Show dominating, with Punk fighting back from behind until Daniel Bryan comes out in a full mad-on. Bryan slaps the “no” lock on Punk and Show joins in for a “little rough up the champ” action until Cena makes the save. AJ comes out and pulls a “Teddy,” making a tag match for later in the night.
• RYBACK DEFEATS JTG – This was in response to JTG griping backstage about not getting TV time. It’s the same match we’ve seen for about… ever.
• R-TRUTH DEFEATS HEATH SLATER – After the match, the PTP (minus AW) run in for a beat down on R-Truth. Kofi supposedly is out of the country, leaving Truth outnumbered.
• SIN CARA DEF TENSAI – Tensai spends most of the match overpowering Sin Cara, until the Lucha legend side-steps him into Sakamoto and hits a DDT from the top rope. Tensai beats down Sakamoto after the match.
• DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF JERICHO/THE MIZ (3-WAY) – Jericho won a twitter poll to be the guest on Piper’s Pit. After a few minutes, Ziggler and Vicki come out to run Jericho down. Miz joins in and tries to kick Piper and Jericho out. After Jericho cleans house, we get a commercial break. When we come back, we’re told AJ made this match via twitter. Dolph gets the pin on the Miz.
• LAYLA & KAITLYN DEF EVE & BETH PHOENIX – Pretty standard tag, with Layla actually trying to show some personality. (Nice spot with Layla butt-bumping Eve in the face.) Ends with Kait rolling Beth up for a three count.
• JOHN CENA & CM PUNK DEF BIG SHOW & DANIEL BRYAN – Interesting theme here. NO ONE wants to tag out on either side. Bryan tags in whenever Show gets close. Show gets more and more bothered. Cena tags in whenever Punk gets close. Punk returns in kind. Punk and Cena do the “stealing each other’s moves,” routine, and eventually both Show AND Punk wash their hands of the whole thing. It ends with an AA on Bryan for the pin, and Punk rescuing (?) Cena from an attack from behind by Big Show.
• DAMIEN SANDOW DEF CHRISTIAN – I have NEVER seen Christian jobbed out like this. Christian gets in an elbow shot from the top rope, but when he follows Sandow outside to the floor, and gets sent into the steps, Sandow bounces his head against the steel steps. Brodus Clay hobbles out on his bum leg to distract Sandow, but all Christian gets is a roll-up for two. Sandow ends this with his neck-breaker variation.
Okay so, why the new approach? Well one, I’m sick of being up till three in the morning trying to recap EVERY segment in detail, and two, I wanted to get that stuff out of the way for my 1st official…
RYTMAN RANT!
Re: This show’s pacing, W.T.F?
Here’s the deal, we have Shawn Michaels guest starring tonight. Apparently, Triple H’s flight was delayed, and he’s not there yet, so Shawn is scared. Every segment is Shawn looking over his shoulder like Daffy Duck during duck season, waiting for his inevitable Brock Beat-down. Eventually, Shawn is in the ring with Brock and Paul Heyman, and Hunter rolls in just in the nick of time to protect Shawn (which is a whole other thing) and sign the contract. Brock signs and leaves. Perfect spot to end the show…
Except we have 15-20 minutes left.
Okay so, umm… commercial break!
And we’re back. Well, okay… let’s have a shot of Shawn and Hunter having a heart to heart that ends with Shawn walking off possibly pissed at Hunter. And we’re out!
No we are not.
Hoo-boy, okay-commercial… and interview Big Show about going into Summerslam-WAITAMINUTE! SOMETHINGS HAPPENING IN THE PARKING LOT! Heyman is blocking Shawn’s car with his car. They’re yelling at each other, AND LESNAR GRABS SHAWN! The camera goes black and we hear Lesnar beating down Shawn.
Okay, end on a cliff-hanger; what happened to Shawn? Good, we’re out-no we’re not.
We come back from commercial (notice a pattern?) to see Hunter and everyone else who wanted some extra camera time worrying about Shawn. We cut back to ringside where Lesnar has Shawn up in a fireman’s carry and is walking to the ring. Shawn takes the F-5 and as Hunter runs to the rescue, Lesnar locks on the arm-breaker. Heyman warns Hunter not to take another step, or Lesnar breaks Shawn’s arm; which he does anyway. Raw ends FOR REAL with trainers trying to help Shawn, and Lesnar running away with an evil grin on his face.
And Raw comes in at 10:01 p.m. here in Chicago.
Seriously
We honestly couldn’t have Shawn get beaten up at the beginning of the show? We couldn’t put this contract signing crap in the middle of the show and get it over with in time for (what should’ve been) the main event? Did you guys try SO HARD to end on time that you wound up short? Could you have given that extra time to, maybe Christian/Sandow?
This was a HUGE step backwards, I’m sorry, it is. You went from going overtime with the Main Events over the last two weeks, to going under trying to make time for a stupid segment that you had to strrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch out with false endings to fill up time THAT YOU TOOK AWAY FROM THE MATCHES!
(Sigh)
Seriously WWE, re-evaluate your damn priorities before Raw goes the Nitro route.
Cancelled
Oh, the hell with it. Joe better be careful on BWF Radio reading what I write tonight. Let’s see how many of these I give this week:
Just hit the damn jump, Boba Haters.
Well, here we are… hot off the heels of the 1000th episode of RAW. How am I supposed to be excited for Smackdown? The reality is that I can’t get excited. I mean consider all the awesomeness we saw!
Just one of many things you and I forgot happened on the 1000th episode of RAW.
I think I’m going to need a hand “getting to it, shall we?” this week…