Smackdown 04/19/13
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YAY!!!
Stuff goes here. Hopping time!
YAY!!!
Stuff goes here. Hopping time!
Here’s a brief recap of this week’s Main Event:
Well here’s my contribution to Wrestlemania week and like last year is a look at what Wrestlemania through the eyes of WWE’13 well the Wii version anyway. Hey it’s better than Smackdown vs. RAW 2010 which is what I used last year. Just to let everyone know that the Wii version of this game has no DLC so I’ll only be doing the matches I can with what I’ve got. I will also be doing this on simulate mode so I will have no effect on the outcomes of the matches. So without further ado, lets go: (more…)
Well since this week’s episode is gonna be all about Wrestlemaina 29 I’m gonna give you all the results of Main Event here and now so we no one misses out on it. So here’s what went on. (more…)
Okay, again this week, just a general run down of the show with some of my humble opinions.
First up, match results
CHRIS JERICHO DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER W/AJ LEE & BIG E. – This match-up was booked as a card-change, as Fandango made his way to the ring for what was supposed to be his fifth or sixth “debut” but got beat-down/ran-off by an angry Jericho. Ziggler made his way out with his entourage as the announcers (Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler) told us this match was scheduled for later tonight. Jericho gets the win by submission with the walls of Jericho, but gets beat down by Big E. Langston. Fandango comes back out with his dance partner (the first girl to get a call-back) and picks the bones of Big E’s kill, landing a flying leg drop on Jericho’s neck.
MARK HENRY DEF. THE USOS – The Usos actually got in enough offense with their double-teaming to get a splash off the top rope for a two-count on Henry, but the match ends with Henry scoring a World’s Strongest Slam and getting the three-count. After the match, Henry brutalizes both brothers, making it clear he did not appreciate getting splashed.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (COUNT OUT) – Ricardo Rodriguez hobbles out on his crutches to introduce Del Rio. The intro falls flat, although I think it was on purpose to help sell what bad shape he’s in. The match is just a formality as both men go through the motions for about five minutes before Zeb Coulter comes out. Ricardo tries to move away, but from out of nowhere Jack Swagger grabs him, and drags him by the bad ankle over to the guard rail. Del Rio abandons his match to fight off Swagger and Cesaro gets the win by count-out. Del Rio takes his anger out on Cesaro with the cross-arm breaker.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG)- “Pancake” Patterson is given one mention and then quietly swept under the rug. Match is just a warm-up for the champions. Ziggler and crew show up on the stage to distract the champs and give the PTP’s an opening, but the match ends with Kane choke-slamming Young for the three count.
THE MIZ DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT – Before the match, Triple H came out to do cut a promo about his Wrestlemania match with Brock Lesnar. When Barrett comes out, he blocks Triple H’s way, and demands he step aside. Trips responds with a kick to the crotch. Miz comes out while Barrett is still recuperating. During the match, Barrett’s crotch briefly becomes the focal point of the match. Barrett crotches himself on the top rope with a missed kick and Miz gets the win with the figure-four submission.
THE SHIELD DEF. KHALI, RYDER, GABRIEL – To my knowledge, this is only the third actual match the Shield have officially wrestled in. The Shield wins this with a flying knee-drop to Justin Gabriel, trapped in a “Bow and arrow” hold. After the match, Khali takes a “Shield-Bomb.” Orton comes to the ring with Sheamus, and the Big Show comes up from behind, trapping the Shield. We get a brief fight before the Shield retreat.
TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS DEF BRODUS/TENSAI – Do you honestly care? This match is barley more than a pretense for a cat-fight between the Funkadactyls and the Bella Twins. Team Rhodes Scholars get the win by three-count during the confusion.
RYBACK DEF. 3MB – This was Ryback’s effort to show-up Henry that almost back-fired. The Three Man Band actually take control of the match using their numbers advantage, but it ends with Ryback getting two men up for the “Shell-Shock” and a three-count.
AJ LEE DEF. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN – This match was set up during a backstage segment, where Bryan and Kane were arguing over which of them was still hung up on AJ. Kaitlyn interjected, trying to get them both to let it go, while running off a list of nasty things to say about AJ, who just happened to be eavesdropping on them. Now here’s the interesting thing. AJ sends Kaitlyn head-first into a drinking fountain, or so it seemed. Kaitlyn sold it as making contact but their was NO sound effect to indicate Kaitlyn hit the fountain. Kaitlyn comes out to the ring holding her head, and when the bell rings, Kaitlyn goes to town on AJ, dominating the match and getting in all of the offence. AJ rolls out of the ring, and Kaitlyn goes after her. Kaitlyn tries a spear, but AJ side-steps her into the guard-rail, head first. AJ gets a count-out victory, and maybe a title shot at Mania. Kaitlyn gets a possible head-trauma gimmick.
So let’s look at the rest of the show.
C.M. Punk opens the show with a game of toss with the urn, and a promo that starts off by dumping on the Undertaker and his legacy. He even goes so far as to imply the streak is only important to him as something to break. He tries to mock the Takers classic pose, but the lights go out and when they come back, Taker is wailing on Punk. Punk and Heyman run off with the urn. Seemed a bit odd to me as the first half of Punk’s promo seemed to be Punk trying to convince us that this match wasn’t as important as we might feel it was.
Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield, during an interview about whether or not he and Orton can get along with Big Show, during their Mania six-man. Orton comes after them with a chair, but he gets overwhelmed by numbers. Big Show makes the save and runs off the Shield.
Now here, I gotta go into weird territory. If you’re a long time wrestling fan, you’l probably have some idea of what I’m saying here. Booking Show to come to the rescue seems a little heavy-handed to me. It’s like WWE is trying too hard to sell us on Show’s face-turn, which is par for the course with pro wrestling in general. Even if you’re among the youngest fans, you still can’t help but notice how it’s always Show that turns the tide when Orton/Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield. So I have to ask myself, is this just the same sloppy TV writing wrestling has always suffered from? Or is WWE trying to swerve me? I’m thinking maybe they want me to watch for a double-cross by Big Show so that they can swerve me with one by Orton…or Sheamus. I know Orton’s more likely, what with him reportedly wanting a heel-turn, but you know how wrestling-sorry “sports entertainment” likes illogical swerves.
Triple H cuts a promo on Brock Lesnar, about how if you don’t expect him to end your career, you’ve already lost. He makes it clear that he is coming to kick Lesnar’s ass.
Very generic promo, giving no sense that Trips was seriously concerned that his career was over. That might’ve been the plan, so that we’re actually surprised if he loses. (Which, if he does, we will be, just not for THAT reason.) And why did he have to bitch-out Wade Barrett on his way out? (See above.)
The show ended with an elaborate Q&A with John Cena and WWE champion The Rock, featuring WWE Hall Of Fame members Booker T, Brett Hart, Dusty Rhodes and Mick Foley. The panel lobs softball questions and both men give big, impassioned speeches about how/why they will win at Mania. Cena compares himself to Donavon McNabb, the Rock tells the story of how he had to get his first mattress out of a dumpster behind a motel. Cena blames his loss to Rock last year, on his letting Rock into his head. Cena tried to finish off Rock in Rock’s home-town, with his own version of “the peoples elbow.” Allowing Rock to catch him in a rock-bottom and getting the three. Rock borrows a quote from Ric Flair, “To be the man-woo-you must beat the man,” and between the two of them, Cena will never be “the man.”
I’m sorry to say this but I was underwhelmed. No new ground covered here, except for maybe when Cena “revealed” why he lost last year. I’m not a fan of “sports entertainment” trying to go into “deep, psychological,” story-lines, and I’m not moved by Cena’s need for redemption.
Overall, a pretty “meh” RAW. It did what it was supposed to do, advance the angles going into Wrestlemania, but it still felt like an auto-pilot show. That’s not always bad, but not the speed you want going into the biggest PPV of the year.
Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)
Let’s start with Match results;
JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson. I will get to that in a minute.)
RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)
FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)
R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)
Okay, so let’s talk about the show…
“Pancake” Patterson
“Pancake” fucking Patterson
“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON
PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!
Seriously
(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry. HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK? The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry. Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.) So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry. My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place? For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity? I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.
I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight. I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling. I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents. Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference. Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet. There’s still a chance this could pay off. With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.
R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me. I could live with their “feud” ending here. Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.
Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end. It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.
Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?
And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkGdq4NOBE8
I have nothing to add, genius.
So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner. WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line. I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.
Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)
ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody. We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR. I hate to say it, but I did see this coming. I’m guessing a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon. Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face. I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough. Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face. He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward. Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.
The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho. Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card. I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that? Neither do they.)
The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar. It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract. Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out. Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.
This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.
And we are out…
RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all. This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show. Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner. We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.
Obviously with Jack Swagger getting a DUI for smoking marijuana and driving erratically on Wednesday, the impact of said offense will not be reflected on tonight’s Smackdown. It will, however, leave one to speculate on whether this is the last time we see Jack Swagger and Zeb… potentially ever. So let’s all put on our favorite racist singlets and plop down to watch a possible Swan Song of Swaggler.
Admit it. This would be fun.
Hokay. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY late. What I’m going to do here is recap a replay of last night’s RAW. This is for two reasons, I need more practice in real-time recapping, and I owe BWF my RAW recap.
So here we go!
We open with a recap of Elimination Chamber from Sunday. Alberto Del Rio beat the Big Show, Jack Swagger won the Chamber, and C.M. Punk lost. We get a reminder that Cena’s road to Wrestlemania starts tonight.
Live in the Cajun Dome! Cena’s out to address the WWE universe, and we’re reminded that it’s Cena vs. Rock for the WWE title. John reminds everyone that it’ll be John Cena vs. The Rock, and that’s when Punk comes out.
Punk accuses Cena of taking the easy way out. Punk says Rock beat him fair and square on Sunday, if you disregard the fact that Rock hit an official, and Punk had him pinned for “an 18 count.” Cena tells him to “sit this one out,” and “for once, it’s not about C.M. Punk.” Punk disagrees, reminding Cena how he brought prestige to the WWE title, and how Cena can’t beat the Rock, and how he’s never beat Punk. Punk tells him to walk away. Cena makes it clear he will not. Cena concedes that he hasn’t beat the Rock, and if he can’t beat Punk, then he doesn’t deserve the title shot. Cena agrees to give Punk the shot at Wrestlemania if Punk can beat him in a match, right here, right now. Punk decides to do this on his terms, and since he shouldn’t even be in this position, he decides to do this next week. Cena makes it official. Punk vs. Cena, Wrestlemania headline title shot on the line, next Monday.
We get an announcement that tonight will be the Rock’s championship celebration, and The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is up next.0
We’re back. We get a picture of Thomas Jefferson and one of his quotes as part of a “president’s day” tribute.
“ONE MAN WITH COURAGE IS A MAJORITY.” – Thomas Jefferson
Backstage with Sheamus and Matt Striker. Sheamus doesn’t know what went wrong last night, they were supposed to get revenge on the Shield, but didn’t. Ryback walks into frame and Sheamus call him a neanderthall. Ryback and Sheamus get up into each others’ face, when Chris Jericho steps in. He gets them to stop fighting and offers them a chance to team up with him in a six-man against the Shield. Sheamus and Ryback agree.
“FEED ME SHIELD” – Ryback
SIN CARA VS MARK HENRY
This was an out-and-out squash. Sin Cara got in one kick to the head, but it ends with a powerslam and a “world’s strongest slam.”
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Henry bullies the ref out of the ring and turns his attention to the fallen Sin Cara. Great Khali strides out (slowly) and after a stare-down, teasing a fight, Henry bails.
“IF I WANNA DANCE, I GIVE EM’ THAT. YOU DANCE, THAT’S ALL YOU GOOD FOR ANYWAY.” – Mark Henry
We go to a recap of the U.S. title match at Elimination Chamber, between the Miz and Champion Antonio Cesaro. We see Miz drop knee first into Cesaro’s groin, and get dq’d.
Vicki Guerro announces the six-man main event for tonight – Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs The Shield via Twitter.
When we come back, Miz vs. Cesaro, NO DQ!
We’re back with a promo for FANDANGO, comming soon.
Miz is in the ring w’a taped-up shoulder and arm. We get a recap of last Monday’s RAW when Cesaro swung him into the guardrail.
NO DQ MATCH-U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS THE MIZ
Miz starts strong, but the match goes out to the floor and Cesaro sends the bad arm into the post. Cesaro throws Miz back in the ring with some chairs and a kendo stick. Cesaro wedges a chair between two turnbuckles in the corner, and tries to drive the Miz shoulder-first into it. Miz counters a few times and Cesaro has more luck with the Kendo stick. Cesar pins the bad shoulder of Miz between his knee and a chair, and works the arm. Cesaro sets Miz up in the corner for a charge, but Miz gets a shot to the face. Cesaro charges knee first and Miz ducks. Cesaro hits the chair in the corner. Miz drop-toe-holds him chest first into the other chair, and ends this with a figure four for the submission.
WINNER: THE MIZ
Later tonight, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will make a “State of the Union” address to the WWE universe. Right now, we’re getting a look at an Internet video made by Zeb and Swagger. (youtube.com/wethepeoplezeb) It looks like a public access channel video with a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag tacked up in the back. Zeb delivers a rant against immigrants with Swagger looming menacingly in the background.
We’re reminded that Cena vs. Punk is next week and the Rock’s championship celebration is tonight.
We come back to a pic and a quote of Abraham Lincoln.
“YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME, YOU CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, YOU CAN’T FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME.” – Abraham Lincoln.
Backstage, WWE tag team champions Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing over what happened between them in the Elimination chamber last Sunday. Brian has requested a singles match and doesn’t want Kane coming out with him. Kane decides he’ll request a singles match and doesn’t want Bryan coming out with him. Kane warns Bryan that he’d better be a man of his word, because he doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton overhears this, and takes exception to it. Kane explains that if a snake gets too close to him, he squashes it with his boot. Orton compares Kane to Barney the Dinosaur and Bryan laughs. Orton disappears, and Kane sulks off.
We go to Vicki’s office where Paul Heyman has been summoned. Vicki rags on Heyman about how useless his special stipulations were in the WWE title match. Later on, she will make a big announcement concerning his career, in the ring.
Team Ziggler (Dolp, Big E. and AJ) makes their way out as we go to break.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
Ziggler’s in the ring as we recap Del Rio’s win over the Big Show at EC. Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio. The crowd is not into it. Ziggler goes right after Del Rio. Del Rio fights back. Ziggler goes up and over the ropes, lands on the apron. Del Rio hits the enziguri as we go to break…
Ziggler in control as we come back, choking Del Rio against the ropes. Ziggler with a dropkick. Choking again, and Big E. sneaks in a cheap shot at ringside. Ziggler gets a two-count with a fame-asser and goes up top. ADR cuts him off and hits a REVERSE FACE-LOCK SUPERPLEX. Ziggler up first. They trade punches, ADR hits two clothes-line, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust kick for two. ADR gets a “Si” chant going but Ziggler hits the neck-breaker for two. Ziggler whips ADR into the corner, ADR gets the boots up, ties up Ziggler, and hits several forearms to the back and a back-stabber for two. Big E up on the apron. Del Rio knocks him off. Ziggler goes for the flying DDT, but Del Rio hits the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
After the match, Big E. blindsides ADR and beas him down. Ziggler realizes this is the best time to cash in the MiTB briefcase, but Ricardo swipes it and runs off with Big E. after him. AJ recovers the case, but Ziggler eats a huge kick from ADR.
Later tonight, the Rock’s celebration, and Kane vs.Randy Orton
And we got to break…
We are back with Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett in the ring, telling all of us about his big break in a major motion picture. We then get shown the trailer for “Dead Man Down,” in theaters on March 8th. We come back to Wade but Sheamus interrupts from the Titan-Tron to point out that Wade isn’t the star, Colin Farrell is. He invites Barrett to respond, but is told we’re out of time.
SIX PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH – TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY/AND NAOMI VS PRIMO/EPICO/AND ROSA
The Funkadayctals make their entrance w/Brodus and Tensai. Rosa and team MO-CO cut the music short with their entrance. Naomi starts off with Rosa, taking charge with high-flying moves. Rosa tags in Primo who goes after Naomi but Tensai makes the save and send Primo out. Naomi hits a sliding dropkick between Tensai’s legs on Epico and Rosa. Tensai and Brodus ends this with double headbuts and a double splash.
WINNERS: BRODUS CLAY AND TENSAI
We get a dance party in the ring before going to a WWE.com press conference in the Super-dome, where we get an announcement about Wrestlemania 30 being there next year, April 2014.
Up next is the “State Of The Union” address from Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.
We come back with a quote from Harry S. Truman
“THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – Harry S. Truman
Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring with a podium and a “don’t tread on me” flag set up. Swagger claims that he took the weight of the nation on his shoulders when he won the EC match and became #1 contender to the WHC. He turns the mike over to Zeb, who claims the state of our union is “pathetic.” In summation, he basically accuses foreigners of coming here to take our health care, jobs, and resources, and how when Jack Swagger beats ADR, he will restore our nation to greatness.
Daniel Bryan makes his entrance as we go to break.
JACK SWAGGER VS. DANIEL BRYAN
Match is basically Bryan slipping out of Swagger’s grasp with his speed/agility until Swagger gets a chance to pound on the bad ribs of Bryan. Bryan fights back with quick strikes and high-risk high-flying. Bryan misses a charging drop-kick and Swagger works his leg. Swagger ends this with the “Patriot Act,” submission.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
Later tonight, Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield, and Vicki’s big announcement about Heyman.
We come back to a Wrestlemania promo and Vicki in the ring demanding our attention, preparing to make an announcement that could change Heyman’s career/life. She announces Brad Maddox as “assistant to the managing supevisor.” Brad says this was his reward for blowing the whistle on Heyman.
“IS THIS MY CUE TO VOMIT?” – Paul Heyman
Heyman says goodnight and gets ready to leave, when Vince makes his appearance on the Tron, stopping him. He reminds Heyman of last week when Heyman requested the DQ/count-out stip for the WWE title match at EC, and how Heyman said he do “anything” for it. Basically Vince challenges Heyman to a fight in two weeks when he makes his return.
And Break…
CHRIS JERICHO, SHEAMUS & RYBACK VS. THE SHIELD
Jericho, Sheamus, & Ryback each make a separate entrance, the Shield come down all at once through the crowd. The faces start off strong, with each man getting a shot at a Shield member. The faces dominate as we go to break…
We come back to the Shield beating down Sheamus. Sheamus fights his way free and brings in Ryback. Ryback hits hard and fast, tossing around the Shield, but he takes a spear when the ref isn’t looking. The Shield pile on Ryback with double teaming until one of them misses a charge. Ryback brings in Jericho, who takes over on the Shield. Jericho locks in the “Walls Of Jericho” while Sheamus takes a Shield member to the outside, brawling. Ryback is down, and the Shield leader takes out Jericho with a flying knee behind the ref’s back. Jericho gets pinned for three.
WINNERS: THE SHIELD
And break…
We come back with a quote from JFK.
“ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY.” – John F. Kennedy
DAMIEN SANDOW VS KOFI KINGSTON
Sandow comes out, berating the audience and claims his great-grandfather came up with the new deal. He attacks Kofi before the bell rings and brutalizes him, until R-Truth makes his comeback and the save. Sandow is left lying.
NO CONTEST
We go to Josh Mathews at ringside w/two of his co-stars from “G.I. JOE: RETALIATION,” and a clip from the movie.
The Rock’s celebration, up next…
We’re back with another promo for Fandango, and Randy Orton making his entrance.
RANDY ORTON VS KANE
We get a plug for the EXTREME RULES PPV as Kane makes his way to the ring. Match is back and forth until Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane. Kane loses focus and walks into an RKO for the three-count.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
And break…
We come back to a local marching band making their way down to the ring. After they finish playing, the Rock makes his big entrance. First, he runs down Punk, pointing out how he beat Punk in two straight PPV’s so he could be here tonight as WWE champion. Rock says in 48 days he’s going to Wrestlemania, but not with the “spinny” belt.
“THE WWE TITLE SHOULD NEVER LOOK LIKE A TOY, AND IT SHOULD NEVER, EVER, SPIN” – The Rock
The Rock retires the WWE “spinner” belt, and talks about how the belt should “inspire” the people watching and respect the legacy of champions past. He then unveils the “New” WWE championship. It looks like a big ring, with the WWE logo taking up most of the face-plate over the word “champion,” and the Rock’s Brahma-Bull logo on each side. Rock asks the question “Who will the Rock face at Wrestlemania? John Cena, or C.M. Punk?” Rock is about to name his preference, when Cena’s music hits and he comes out. He’s facing down the Rock when Punk nails him from behind with the spinny belt. He tosses it aside, and says “I want that one,” while pointing at Rock. The show ends with Punk staring down the Rock and walking out, while the Rock paces around the ring in confuion and Cena tries to pull himself up.
Did you buy the replay? Yes? Why? This shit’s free. Now armed with a functional PVR, I can resume my normal routine watching while I review without stumbling around looking for the streams. Don’t cross the streams. If you slip, you might get wet. Why would you try and anger water flowing, anyways? You’re just crazy. Oh wait… that’s me. So pretend you’re playing Frogger, because it’s hopping time, folks.
(more…)
Welcome everyone to Monday Night RAW! It’s the 20th Anniversary of this show, which is an impressive feat for any show, let alone one that airs every single week of the year. I expect a solid show. No wait, no I don’t. There’s going to be another “Rock concert” tonight. The last one sucked ankle biting rat dog balls.
I watch 30 minutes of the show, leave for work, then watch the entire show at work whilst reviewing whatever WWE puts on my TV. And I make shit up as I go along too, because that’s what the RAW writers do. Let me entertainment you!