Tag Archive: Hello Everyone

  1. RAW 2.7.11

    2 Comments

    Hello everyone!  I know RAW is a little late today, but last night was full of internet frustrations and homework.  So, that’s why it’s up now, and that’s why it’s shorter than usual.  As you can see, I did still track Tweets for this review, so, yeah.  Here we go!

    Look busy! The boss is comin’!

    I actually missed having the opportunity to say that.  I missed Mr. McMahon.  He comes out onto the stage and says that now that the SuperBowl is over, there’s one thing left that supersedes the SuperBowl, that has more grandeur, more excitement- Wrestlemania!  Each year, something special separates one Wrestlemania from all the others.  Next week, we’ll be introduced to a man who embodies that.  No one has hosted an event in front of 75,000 people before, not at the Grammys or anywhere else!  Next week, we’ll meet the guest host for Wrestlemania 27!

    I hear voices in my head…

    As Randy makes his way down to the ring, Vince heads out.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Randy Orton delivered a punt to Husky Harris and took him out of action.>

    Randy comes out and says that if Punk thinks they’re even, he’s delusional.  Orton is only JUST getting started, and it’s going to cost Punk a helluva lot more than just Harris.  He starts to go on, but Punk interrupts.  Punk sits on the stage and says he’s surprised they agree: it’s not over by a long shot.  And, because he knows Randy is dying to know, Punk tells us the reason he cost Randy Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble:

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Unforgiven 2008: Randy Orton injures CM Punk and forces him to forfeit the World Heavyweight Championship.>

    Punk says that now Randy knows why.  Randy really doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that night, CM Punk had to forfeit the title.  Punk hasn’t forgotten and has waited this long.  The difference between their actions is that Punk’s are defensible.  As long as they’re on the same show, Punk vows that Randy Orton with never be WWE Champion again.  Punk says that he’s not going to wait until the Elimination Chamber; he’s going to eliminate Randy Orton right now.

    The New Nexus comes to the ring and attacks Orton, who fights back for a while before the numbers game becomes too much.    Punk gets in Randy’s face, and Randy manages to get a good solid hit on Punk’s nose.  So solid, in fact, that Punk starts pouring blood.  Nexus gets Orton still, however, and lifts him up on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk hits the Go to Sleep.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @seraphalexiel Strangely enough, it looks like if Mason Ryan, Otunga, and Mike McGuillicutty all went to school with Punk, they’d bully the shit out of him

    @ThingsColeSays Punk is bleeding! Stop the segment!

    @Niki_Sushi Punk should be thanking Randy. He’s the one that was breathing Hasky’s ass at the Rumble. #BWF #RAW

    @Rack_Flair Vince got out of a coma yesterday to catch the Superbowl #wwe #raw

    @TKeep123 Vince McMahon out to save the #RAW ratings…….and hype #WrestleMania !!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @CMPunkSays In case you wonder what I think of Punk’s tactic of making #WWE’s top faces look like total pricks… I FUCKING LOVE IT.

    @JonHexLives Wow. CM Punk has legit beef with Randy Orton. That’s hilarious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    During the commercial, we learn that the RAW General Manager has put the members of the New Nexus in action against each of the members of RAW’s Elimination Chamber match, which will come to a head tonight when John Cena faces off against CM Punk.

    Mason Ryan vs R-Truth


    Truth comes out and says Green Bay, Wisconsin instead of Milwaukee, and the Milwaukee crowd lets him know that he fucked it up, via a Milwaukee chant.  Ryan basically latches onto a knee and starts targeting that before be puts Truth in a submission that Truth taps out of rather quickly.

    Mason Ryan wins via submission.

    However, after the match, Mason Ryan doesn’t let go right away.  He continues to hold it, and then gets out to grab a chair.  The ref stops him, so Ryan just puts him back in the submission.  However, the ref has seen enough, and reverses his decision.

    R-Truth wins via disqualification.

    Later on tonight, John Cena will take on CM Punk, and the WWE Champion The Miz wants to say a congratulations to the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, Jerry “The King” Lawler!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @ThingsColeSays BLACKEYEDPEASSUCKEDLASTNIGHT WHAT’S UP? RIPMYHEADOFF STAND UP AND SAY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP?

    @HitTheRopes I’m going to have FAITH and hope that Mason Ryan destroys R-Truth as much as Truth destroys the English language. #WWE

    @KeepItFiveStar LMAO!! MILWAUKEE IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE CROWD! What a mistake by R-Truth! How dare he hurt that crowd’s feelings

    @CMPunkSays Holy crap, that’s a BROCK LOCK! #WWE

    @kickoutblog Oh R-Truth, you can’t screw the cheap city pop, especially when it’s Milwaukee, which is an Indian word meaning “The Good Land.”

    @TKeep123 Mason Ryan needs an “I am NOT Batista” t-shirt ! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty are backstage, and Punk is pacing, holding a towel up to his bloodied nose.  Mason Ryan joins them backstage and Punk looks upset before he gives Ryan a ‘Well done’.  He says that tonight, he doesn’t care if they win or if they lose, so long as they hurt people.  He wants all of his Elimination Chamber opponents hurt so that he can have the advantage.  R-Truth and Randy Orton are already hurt.  Ryan says something in Arabic before saying two down, three to go.  Otunga worries about taking out Sheamus, but Punk says that he always has a plan.

    WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina vs Melina, Nikki, and Brie Bella

    Natalya’s ringside for commentary, and says that next week, she’s going to get her rematch against Eve for the Diva’s Championship.  Her constant bickering with Cole was more annoying than anything else.  As for the action in the ring, the early momentum went to Melina and the Bellas, but Tamina cleaned house of the Bellas and Eve pinned Melina for the win.

    WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina win via pinfall.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: The 2.21.11 image returns, preceded by the shack in the rain.  A close up comes to the door this time, and it swings open, only for the mysterious man in boots to walk in.  Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave plays as the image of 2.21.11 appears in fire on the side of the door.>

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 Gail Kim in a match? Hell must be freezing over…. #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Also this is Gail Kim’s third consecutive week on RAW. Tamina – 4. Bare feet- 39. And Eve is still a dude.

    @Niki_Sushi Damn it all. Tonight can only get worse if Daniel shows up. #BWF #RAW #knockonwood

    @WWE_Creative Thanks @NatbyNature for burying Just For Men while mocking MIchael Cole. It’s not like they’re our SPONSOR or anything. #RAWTonight

    @JonHexLives Is that white gold, Michael Cole? #Divaschampionship #WWE #RAW #BWF

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: The Elimination Chamber facts.>

    John Morrison makes his way to the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @dasharpshooters When WWE uses a Johnny Cash song in their video, you know its serious. 2-21-11 is gonna be huge. #wwe #raw

    @kickoutblog I predict we’ll see that Elimination Chamber hype vid about 437 times between now and Feb. 20

    @TKeep123 Ain’t No Grave “Gonna Hold This Body Down” by Johnny Cash … nice touch to the #WWE 2-21-11 promo… #RAW #WWE #BWF

    John Morrison vs Michael McGuillicutty

    McGuillicutty tries to send his focus to Morrison’s arm, holding it out of the ring and about to crush it between the ring and the steel steps, but Morrison moves it out of the way before he can.  Morrison picks up the pace of the match, and McGuillicutty literally walks right into a flash kick.  Morrison hits Starship Pain (and doesn’t miss it this time) for the win.

    John Morrison wins via pinfall.

    It starts to look like Morrison’s going to be uninjured, but Punk comes down as Morrison is celebrating and pulls a Maryse, spraying Mickie Morrison in the face with something before kicking him in the head.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Did Punk just pull a Maryse there?! #BWF #RAW

    @CMPunkSays HA HA NOW YOU’RE BLIND #WWE

    @KeepItFiveStar OH NO! ANTI-PARKOUR SPRAY! Damn you Punk!

    @lovehateRIOT i’m pretty sure that punk just used jomo’s own hairspray on him. rofl #raw

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, the RAW Rumble was won by Jerry “The King” Lawler, with Cena giving an assist.>

    AWESOME!

    Miz comes out with Alex Riley in tow.  He says that as he watched the RAW Rumble last week, one thought was going through his mind: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  He says he was pulling for King the whole time.  He asks King to join him in the ring and tells Riley to get out so that King doesn’t feel uncomfortable.  King enters the ring, and Miz asks if King has any idea why he was rooting for him.  King says that he figures it’s because Miz thinks he’s the weakest.  Miz says that’s not it at all, and he could have beaten anyone who won the RAW Rumble for the WWE Championship.  No, the reason he was rooting for King is because he feels that they’re mirror images of one another.  King had the biggest mouth and the power to incite riots with just his words.  People would listen when King spoke.  Miz says that, in a way, he patterned his career after King’s, and now everyone’s wondering what he will do next.  King says that first of all, they aren’t mirror images of one another and says something about how he wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every morning and see his haircut like Miz’s.  He then says that he’s always had a big mouth, but he can back it up.  He says that if Miz thinks he’s a modern King, he doesn’t know King as well as he thinks he does, and that King didn’t pattern his career after anyone: He’s an original.  Miz then calls him an original cheap shot artist.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, King attacks Ted DiBiase after DiBiase tries to get his spot in the RAW Rumble.>

    Miz says that that was equivalent to a sucker punch.  King says that he thinks that Miz is a sucker, and that he speaks for the entire WWE Universe, both in Milwaukee and all over, when he says the Miz sucks (oh, but I disagree, sir!).  King says that Miz is right: he’s never been WWE Champion or been to Wrestlemania.  No one has any idea what it would mean to him to do both, and that it was his lifelong dream.  King says that he will win at the Elimination Chamber, and he will say he’s going to Wrestlemania.  Miz says that he’s wrong, and after their match at the Elimination Chamber match, the whole world will hear, “I’m the Miz, and I’m-“  But King interrupts and starts up an ‘awful’ chant.

    Miz, Alex Riley, and King all start to brawl.  When it looks like King has the upper hand, Ted DiBiase comes out to help Miz out, but Daniel Bryan comes out to join the fray to help King out.

    “King and Bryan versus Miz and DiBiase NOW.

    WWE Champion The Miz and Ted DiBiase vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan

    Is it just me, or has Bryan not been wearing the US Championship lately?

    Ted and Bryan start out, and Bryan starts with some hard kicks.  He gets DiBiase in a pin, but DiBiase kicks out, only for Bryan to do it again.  DiBiase kicks out again and King is tagged in.  Miz comes in and is thrown back to the mat a few times before Miz throws King out of the ring.  While Bryan is distracting the ref, DiBiase comes out and attacks King outside the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! I JINXED MYSELF! S RATJLABEJKLNBSRZG;LAEORJIA;EJHBP3O4UART;GLJLBTS GO AWAY DANIEL! #BWF #RAW

    @Lunna1969 Bad Teddy! Go to my room!

    @KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase with revenge #ForTheFuture !

    @KeepItFiveStar Yes. The Miz is awful. AWFULLY GOOD at being AWESOME!

    @kickoutblog The Miz is killing it, would be nice if he hit Lawler with a Piledriver at Elimination Chamber, just to really sell the “mirror image” idea.

    Maryse is ringside now, and Alex Riley has been on commentary since the match started.

    Bryan is in with Miz when we come back, and Bryan dominates.  Ted helps Miz out and Miz turns the momentum in his favor.  Miz hits the swinging corner clothesline before going and tagging DiBiase in.  Bryan fights back, but DiBiase goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick out.  DiBiase gets the momentum before tagging Miz in.  Miz trash talks Bryan, who takes advantage, and tags King in.  Miz tags in DiBiase, only for King to get momentum.  King hits what I think was a DDT.  Miz breaks up the cover, and Bryan attacks him to get him out of the ring.  DiBiase starts to get some momentum on King, but King gets him down, lowers the strap, and punches him straight in the face.

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

    Alex Riley vows that he will not let The Miz lose at Elimination Chamber.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Hey Maryse showed up! Gail did not. She’s being stomped out by The Bellas somewhere

    @HitTheRopes I would feel bad about DiBiase always losing but he comes down to the ring with Maryse at his side.

    Sheamus vs David Otunga

    Before Sheamus can make it all the way down to the ring, Josh Matthews follows him and asks for his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments.  Sheamus asks what comments, and Josh says that Mark Henry said that Sheamus didn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber match, and Mark Henry should replace him.  Sheamus says that Mark Henry never won, doesn’t know if he can fit, and that Mark Henry should shut his mouth before Sheamus shuts it for him.

    Otunga makes his way to the ring for the ma-

    Mark Henry makes his way out and is pissed.  He had Sheamus duke it out for a bit, with Otunga watching, before Otunga tries to get up on the top turnbuckle to do something, only for Sheamus to send him outside the ring.  Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and is rewarded with two World’s Strongest Slams right in a row.  Mark Henry yells at him to shut his trap before leaving.  Otunga crawls in the ring and stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.

    Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto del Rio.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes Mark Henry wasn’t about to lose that brawl during Black History Month. Not to the well-tanned Sheamus. Otunga stands tall too.

    @TKeep123 I didn’t think Sheamus could look any whiter…but now as he stands next to Mark Henry….I was wrong. #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @ThingsColeSays SHEAMUS = BURIED

    @KeepItFiveStar Wow. The crowd has gone mild for this one. They’re still mad at R-Truth for fuckin Milwaukee and they’re taking it out on all black people

    @Niki_Sushi Dark Chocolate, interrupts Milk Chocolate to kill White Chocolate. It’s not Valentine’s Day yet. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Sheamus getting punked by Henry was incredibly stupid.

    @kickoutblog All that did was make Sheamus, ya know, the guy who’s actually IN the Chamber, look bad.

    Alberto del Rio tells us his name is Alberto del Rio!… but we already knew that.  He says that Santino Marella really thinks that he almost got del Rio.  It was del Rio’s destiny to win the Royal Rumble, just like it’s his destiny to be the next World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania.

    Santino Marella vs Alberto del Rio

    Santino gets fired up before the match even starts and throws del Rio out of the ring.  Del Rio gets back in the ring, and the ref starts the match.  Del Rio tries to do something to Santino, but Santino moves last second and del Rio is sent between the top and middle ropes.  The match continues on, and Santino nearly hits the Cobra, but del Rio ducks it, focuses on the arm, and then locks in the cross arm breaker for the win.

    Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: The New Nexus (and Mark Henry) take out Randy Orton, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Sheamus.>

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar LOL I love that. “My name…My name is Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOO >.< OOOOOOOOO!!! 😀 “

    @kickoutblog Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella, even more logical storytelling from WWE tonight… but you already knew that!

    @StrikerSays You know, @RRWWE didn’t seem quite as EXCITED for that win as he usually does. Then again, his Royal Rumble performance set the bar HIGH.

    Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out, and Vickie says that she has something to say: in two weeks, Dolph will not be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, but as the new World Heavyweight Champion.  She knows for a fact because Dolph will beat Edge-

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CLEAN YOUR SHOES!

    One of them asks what Cena’s doing out there, and Cena responds that he’s putting a stop to this, because it’s more offensive than Christina Aguilera butchering the National Anthem at the SuperBowl, and then says he’s just kidding.  He says that he’s come to apologize for Truth, who may have celebrated a little too long and thinks he’s still in Green Bay, but they’re in Milwaukee, in case you didn’t know from Cole shouting it like his brain was going to explode earlier.  And, also because the last time the three of them were in the ring together, it was awesome.  He says that he and Vickie had a sweet… sexy, passionate make out session, and then says, “You remember, Dolph.  You were there and cool with it.”  Vickie says that this is not how you respect that acting General Manager of Smackdown and if they don’t show her some respect, she’ll leave.  So, they don’t show her respect, and she leaves.  Cena then basically says that he will kick Punk’s Elimination Chamber in the Elimination Chamber and Elimination Chamber a bunch more times.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Don’t apologize on behalf of Truth! Are you serious? If anyone else did that, they’d either be released or depushed immediately.

    @HitTheRopes Wonder if Cena will apologize for Truth just being a sad example for us blacks? #wwe

    @Niki_Sushi ‘I’ll kick his elimination chamber’ – that sounds SO damn dirty. I twitched, for real. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog See, it is possible to have an awesome segment, teasing Vickie Guerrero, without calling her fat.

    CM Punk vs John Cena

    Punk and Cena go at it for a while, with Cena repeatedly looking toward the ramp for the interference for New Nexus.  Apparently, he gets sick of waiting, and low-blows Punk to get himself disqualified.

    CM Punk wins via disqualification.

    The New Nexus makes their way down the ring, and Mason Ryan stops by CM Punk, who is outside the ring.  McGuillicutty and Otunga stand in the ring with Cena before they attack him, but King gets up and gives Cena a chair.  Cena then proceeds to clean the ring out, and Nexus backs away.

    So, it wasn’t the most impressive RAW ever for me, but there you have it.  I admit that I kind of lost interest toward the end there, so I’m not 100% sure what exactly happened.  Hopefully, next week will be more interesting!

  2. RAW 1.31.11

    5 Comments

    Hello everyone, and welcome to coverage of the longest running weekly e-Nevermind. I wanted to sound all epic, but the voice in my head was Cole’s, and now I need brain bleach.  Oh, and if you are on Twitter, @Niki_Sushi is a liar.  Just so you all know. *wink!*

    Anyway, this is an exciting RAW (I hope!) because it’s the RAW after the Royal Rumble!  Who outlasted thirty-nine other men to be the winner of the first ever Forty Man Royal Rumble match?!  And who walked out of the Royal Rumble WWE Champion?  All those answers, and more, to come right now!

    Tonight, we will have another Champion vs Champion match between World Heavyweight Champion Edge and WWE Champion, The Miz!

    We start out RAW with Ricardo Rodriguez announcing Alberto del Rio.  I believe he says something about a mariachi performance in celebration of Alberto del Rio’s victory.  And that’s what happens.  Ricardo leads them to the ring.  Wait, is the mariachi band playing Alberto’s theme song?  That’s great.

    Rio takes the mic, silences the mariachi band, and says that his name is Alberto del Riooooooo!… but you already know that.  You people never, never listen.  He told us that it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but we didn’t listen.  That’s our problem.  We never listen.  (as the crowd yells What?)  Tonight, we are going to celebrate Alberto del Rio.  He’s going to headline Wrestlemania!  Even if we don’t’ deserve it, because it’s a blue collar town, he hired the best mariachi in Mexico.  This mariachi only plays for the Mexican president and Rio.  This is not Justin Bieber’s music, this is real music.  I concur.  Anyway, he has something else really important to tell us:  As the winner of the Royal Rumble, he can choose who he’s going to face at Wrestlemania: WWE Champion or the World Heavyweight Champion, and he has made his decision.  And he’s going to tell us right now!  The championship he will be going after at Wrestlemania will be the-

    AWESOME!

    WWE Champion The Miz comes out, Alex Riley in toe.

    Miz says before Alberto makes his decision, he wants to say congratulations.  Him winning the biggest Royal Rumble in the history, is impressive.  Almost as impressive as The Miz’s winning against Randy three times after winning Money in the Bank.  He just hopes that Rio chooses to face him.  Miz says make no mistake about it, he’ll be the WWE Champion by the time Wrestlemania comes around.  He can’t say the same about Edge, because he’s going to lose it at the Elimination Chamber.  Last night, Miz saw Edge celebrating.  He told everyone who would listen that he was going to embarrass Rio at Wrestlemania and mocking his accent, and his tie.  Edge even said that Rio’s cars are all rental.  Miz says that if he doesn’t believe Miz, he can ask Riley.  Riley said that he gives Rio his word: Edge said he has no respect for a second-rate JBL meets Tito Santana.

    Rio takes the mic and says that he knows Miz, and to him, this is a ploy to make him choose Edge instead of Miz.  Is Miz lying to him?  Miz says really?  Really?  Really?  Listen, he took out Edge’s little buddy Christian.  Edge is threatened, doesn’t like, and doesn’t respect Rio.  He just thought he’d tell Rio the truth about Edge, talking behind his back.

    You think you know me…

    As Edge gets in, he plays one of the mariachi trumpets, and the guy laughs.

    Edge says Alberto, Miz is right.  He’s absolutely right.  He doesn’t like or respect Rio.  But, he’s wrong about one thing.  He wouldn’t say those things behind his back, he’d come out and say them to his face.  See, Edge will be champion at Wrestlemania, and if Rio chooses to face him, he will beat him.  He will because he’s the Rrrrrated R Superstarrrr.  But, you already knew that, didn’t you?

    Rio says that the only think he knows is that it is his destiny to be the greatest of the great and at Wrestlemania he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion.  Edge says congratulations, and to take this with you.  He then hits Rio, and looks at Miz, who leaves the ring with the mariachi, who are not going to lose their instruments.  Rio comes back and kicks Edge before grabbing a guitar, which he then breaks on Edge’s back, before locking in the cross-arm breaker.  Edge appears to be tapping, but there’s no ref, no match, and Alberto finally lets go.

    Ha. The mariachi were playing his theme!! I’m like… 95% sure.

    Coming up, Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov will take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi OKay. Del Rio dissed the Biebtard. He’s not as obnoxious in my mind now. #BWF #RAW

    @JonHexLives I kind of want to see The Miz vs, Alberto Del Rio in a faux hawk throwdown. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @seraphalexiel Alberto will be pissed if Edge loses the belt at the Elimination Chamber…..

    @CMPunkSays Del Rio: “You never listen!” Crowd: “WHAT?!” #CantMakeThisShitUp #WWE

    @StrikerSays LOLOLOL, “Alberto Pendejo” sign! I like that they are in RI, so obviously the arena staff didn’t know what it meant, and didn’t confiscate.

    “Tonight, for the first time ever, we’re going to have a RAW Rumble match.  Seven Superstars will participate. T he winner of the RAW Rumble match, will go on to face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber PPV. The remaining six will be in the Elimination Chamber itself.  The participates in the RAW Rumble match are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and John Cena.”

    WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships

    Marella and McGuillicutty start out, and Santino gets McGuillicutty on the ground before locking in a headlock on McGuillicutty, who runs him into the corner.  Santino lets go, but McGuillicutty hits him with a couple of punches and a kick before being forced off by the ref.  He then runs to jump on Santino, but Santino move sand tags in Kozlov.  Kozlov powers McGuillicutty right into the corner, hitting him with some hard shoulders, before McGuillicutty goes after his knee then kicks him in the head.  McGuillicutty keeps him on the ropes before tagging Harris in.  Harris keeps him in the corner, then Kozlov pushes him off before Kozlov gets him down and goes for a cover, but Harris kicks out.  Kozlov powers Harris over to his own corner and tags in Santino.  Santino does something, but Harris shoves him across the ring and then kicks him.  Harris then spends his time getting Santino up, and Santino tries to Whip him, but Husky counters, and meets Santino’s offense with a shoulder.  Harris shoves Santino in the corner, tags in McGuillicutty, and then throws McGuillicutty into Santino, followed by Harris.  McGuillicutty goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out.  Something happens, but the replay is too big-there we go.  McGuillicutty hits a neckbreaker and goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out at two.  Santino is thrown out by McGuillicutty, and Tamina goes over to check on him.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 YES! Jerry The King Lawler…one more time in the Raw Rumble! …but how did R-Truth get on that list? #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @CMPunkSays By the way, you are now imagining Jerry Lawler in the Elimination Chamber. #WWE

    @HitTheRopes R-Truth? What the phuck? It doesn’t need to be an equal opportunity chamber! #wwe

    @KeepItFiveStar R-TRUTH?! R-TRUTH!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HE HASN’T WON A MATCH IN LIKE A MONTH!

    @Niki_Sushi ‘Ruthless’ is glitterfied on McGillicutty’s ass. I can no longer take him seriously. #BWF #RAW

    We come back to McGuillicutty trying to pin Santino for the cover.  McGuillicutty has Santino in a headlock across the ring from Kozlov, and Santino fights to get to Kozlov, but McGuillicutty is trying to keep him back.  They both get to their feet, but McGuillicutty hits a hard forearm on Santino.  McGuillicutty tries to hit Kozlov, but Kozlov hits back, and Santino gets a hit on McGuillicutty.  Harris and Kozlov are tagged in and Kozlov dominates Harris, going for a cover until McGuillicutty breaks it up.  McGuillicutty this a missile dropkick and Santino tags himself in, sending McGuillicutty over the top rope.  Santino then hits the Cobra on Harris and pins him for the win.

    WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.

    After the match, Randy runs down the ramp out of nowhere and RKOs McGuillicutty and Harris for costing him the title last night.  He looks up toward the ramp before walking around inside the ring and facing the ramp.  Orton looks off to the side and takes a moment to glare at the crowd before looking at Harris’ unconscious body.  He looks down at Harris and backs away, standing in the corner, watching Harris, setting up for the punt.

    CM Punk, however, interrupts.

    He tells Randy not to do that as he, Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out.  Punk tells him again not to do it.  Punk says that Orton doesn’t want to do this, nothing he wants to be a part of.  It’s nothing he would do.  Punk asks if he has to say please, and Randy look like he could care less if Punk says please.  Punk says he’s not going to beg, but take some advice, for once in his life: Don’t do it.  If Orton kicks Harris in the skull, there will be serious consequences and repercussions.  Orton really doesn’t look like he cares, and Harris is teasing us about getting the fuck up.  Randy stops, however, and looks back at Punk.  He then moves out of that position, hangs his head, and looks back at Punk.  He looks to the crowd, who cheers (sick bastards), and then back at Harris, and then the other side of the arena, then back at Punk.  He smirks, laughs, drops it, and then drops back in the corner, punting Harris in the skull.

    Punk, Otunga, and Ryan all take off after him, but Randy slithers on out, running through the crowd and up to the top, rather nicely silhouetted against the darkness there.  There is a staring match between Punk and Orton now, as Orton’s music plays.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 Randy won’t cave to an implied threat from CM Punk! Don’t worry, Mulligans have HARD heads! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Why can’t Randy Orton just talk it out with people? It’s always RKOs with him

    @CMPunkSays NOT Have you ever herped a derp so hard that you jobbed to the Cobra? #WWE

    @ForrestFuller Why not punt Micheal Cole instead of Husky Harris #WWE #RAW #BWF

    Ted DiBiase is joined by Maryse, still, and has a mic.  This’ll be good.

    Ted says that it doesn’t thrill him to say it, but King’s career is over.  And his, his is just getting started.  King doesn’t need any more opportunities.  It’s time for guys like him to step aside for the future. So, why doesn’t he do the right thing, for the future, and give him his spot for tonight’s RAW Rumble?  King takes off his headset and grabs a mic, but Cole snatches it.  Cole says he’ll handle it.  Cole then says that Ted is being disrespectful.  Has Ted ever met King?  He’s a legend, a Hall of Famer.  He’s heard of the Showstopper, right?  King is the Scene Stealer.  There’s no way that he’s going to let his selfish, narcissistic ego take himself out of the match to give it to DiBiase.  It won’t happen.  King takes the mic and says he’s gonna tell both of them something: he’ snot giving his spot up in the RAW Rumble to anybody.  His Road to Wrestlemania has always been under construction.  He’s been in the WWE 18 years, and he’s never been to Wrestlemania.  And, as far as he’s concerned, his Road to Wrestlemania starts tonight, and if it wasn’t for Cole, he may be WWE Champion right now.  He knows he can beat the Miz, and he’s gonna be in the RAW Rumble, and he’s gonna win it.  Ted then hits King and moves with Maryse.  King then follows Teddy, but Ted moves Maryse in front of him, preventing King from hitting Ted.  Maryse, on the other hand, is not amused.  Ted can’t think of a good enough excuse, so Maryse slaps him.  Then, King punches Ted.  Poor DiBiase’s having a bad night…  And Cole now lectures King, and King says he’s about to shove his fist so far down Cole’s throat they’ll be afraid to remove it.  He’s beginning to not care if he gets fired…

    Later on tonight, The Miz will take on Edge!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Maryse with the Princess Peach slap then Jerry Lawler with the Falcon Punch! Ted DiBiase just got Melee’d!

    @TKeep123 Love me some Maryse! Looking even HOTTER, if that’s possible!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Even R-Truth’s photo looks like he doesn’t belong in the RAW Rumble. It’s like “Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Lawler, I guess. And REALLY??”

    @kickoutblog FALCON PAAAWWWWNNNNNCH!

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: 2.21.11  Something is coming up…. All we saw was a man in black walking up to a shack in the rain…>

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs Tyson Kidd

    The Bellas are talking, but I don’t’ care.  Bryan and Kidd are fighting, Gail ringside, and Kidd gets a good early advantage.  Does anyone remember when he had that big guy?  Me neither.  Kidd goes for a quick cover, but Bryan kicks out two.  Kidd puts Bryan in a headlock, but Bryan shoves him off and does a lot of really fancy things.  Bryan delivers some hard hits to Kidd, and the camera keeps going to the FUCKING BELLAS, Kidd does some stuff, Bryan tries to lock in the LaBell lock, does, and Kidd taps out.

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via pinfall.

    Gail hugs Bryan and joins him in his celebration before the Bellas climb into the ring.  One of them hits Bryan, Gail shoves her, and insert the same freaking cat fight we’ve seen for too long already.  It takes two refs holding the Bellas, and Bryan holding Gail to break it up.

    Up next, The Miz and Edge will go one on one!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @CMPunkSays IT’S LIKE I’M REALLY WATCHING MEAN GIRLS #WWE

    @Niki_Sushi I think Gail just ripped out some extensions and killed a bird. #BWF #RAW #justoneleft

    @kickoutblog I already love 2.21.11, WWE hasn’t done anything like this since Jericho’s return.

    @redsandman99 How can anyone blame Daniel Bryan for choosing Gail over the Bellas. I’d punt those bitches Orton style for her

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last night, WWE Champion The Miz eliminated John Cena.>

    I saw people in the front row with four signs spelling out AWESOME.  Loved it.

    WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge

    Miz and Edge lock up, and shove one another away.  Then they lock up again, and Edge locks Miz in a headlock, but Miz fights out and gets an elbow to the face, followed by one by the back of the head.  Edge Whips Miz, but Miz counters and Edge counters with a neckbreaker.  Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out.  Edge beats Miz into a corner and hits him a few times.  The replay is starting to piss me off.  Edge has an advantage over Miz, pulling him in a headlock between the ropes.  Edge Whips Miz, who is pulled out of the ring by Riley.  Edge grabs him, but Miz drops Edge’s shoulder onto the top rope.  He pulls Edge out of the ring and sends him into the steel steps.  Miz pulls Edge to his feet and throws him back in the ring, going for a cover.  Edge kicks out at two.  Miz plants his knee in Edge’s spine before twisting himself around Edge and putting his injured arm in a submission.  Edge fights to his feet and punches Miz in the head, but Miz drops down, essentially giving Edge’s arm a stunner before going for a cover, but Edge kicks out.  Miz then puts Edge’s shoulder through the ropes, and Riley punches Edge.  Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out, so Miz returns to a submission on Edge’s shoulder.  Edge fights to his feet, and punches Miz a few times, but Miz puts his knee in Edge’s stomach.  Edge returns the favor by putting his heel in Miz’ jaw.  Edge then starts to do something, but Miz counters, dropping Edge to the mat, and returning to the submission on Edge’s shoulder.  Edge fights to the bottom rope.

    Space!  Miz goes to hit Edge, but Edge fights back and tries to steal a victory, but Miz fights out.  Edge and Miz meet, and then Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out.  Miz sends Edge’s arm right back to the mat, then puts his knee in Edge’s shoulder and stretches the arm out.  Edge fights out of it, and Whips Miz, but Miz kicks Edge, and then the two kick one another in the face.  The ref begins his count.  Miz is up to his feet, as is Edge at eight.  Miz runs for Edge, but Edge drops him on his face.  Edge then drops Miz again, and Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out.  Edge kicks Miz in the stomach and then Whips him, but Miz counters,.  Edge goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out, and then Miz kicks Edge in the face, goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out.  Miz gets on the apron and climbs up on the top rope, standing up and dropping down, only to get a boot to the stomach.  Edge then drops Miz on his face.  Edge backs up into the opposite corner, setting up for the Spear.  Miz gets up to his feet, and Edge tries for the Spear, but Miz sends him into the post.

    John Cena says that Miz can do it and says there’s a party, and that they’re just cheering for him.  Miz starts to talk to him, and Cena gets the arena doing a Miz is Awful chant, before Edge Spears Miz.

    World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @CMPunkSays FALL IN A HOLE, CENA. A DEEP HOLE. A HOLE THAT REACHES THE EARTH’S CORE. #WWE

    @bethsharae Stupid Cena…you got the chant wrong. It’s Miz is Awesome! #Raw

    @kickoutblog Once again, the “good guys” cheat to win. Edge with an illegal move and Cena interfered! Should be a DQ win for Miz!

    Stone Cold Steve Austin will return to WWE to host Tough Enough in April!

    I’m feeling like this is a Smackdown invasion again…

    Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that while Edge may have won tonight, but his chances of winning Friday are next to impossible.  Friday, the World Heavyweight Championship will be defended in a way that it never has been before, so please join them.  Whatever.  Oh, hell, it’s our Surprise Champion!

    WWE Diva’s Champion Eve and Natalya vs LayCool

    Really, Natalya?  I wouldn’t have tagged with her.  Tell her to find someone else.  Oh, wait, there is no one else…  For the first time ever, I’m so sick of Eve and Natalya, I want LayCool to win.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Earlier today, LayCool decide that it was the ref’s fault about last night, and make up.  Damn it.>

    Natalya and McCool start out and Natalya goes for an early cover, followed by another, but McCool pulls out.  Natalya keeps an advantage over McCool until McCool gets away and tags in Layla.  Natalya walks toward Layla, who drops to the mat and curls up.  Natalya touches her and she squirms.  Natalya then picks her up and she gets onto her feet and pushes Natalya.  Layla then runs over and attaches herself to McCool between the ropes, and turns around to get a kick from Natalya.  Natalya suplexes her, and goes for the cover, but Layla kicks out.  Natalya Whips Lay, and then Eve clotheslines her.  Eve finally actually does something, and hits a handspring moonsault before going for a cover and Layla kicks out.  Layla kicks Eve, and Eve runs her across the ring and onto the top turnbuckle.  Natalya distracts the ref, and McCool kicks Eve.  Layla hits the Face Lift off the turnbuckle and pins Eve for the win.

    LayCool win via pinfall.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 Michelle’s boot seems to have knocked some accent BACK into Layla’s mouth! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Niki_Sushi Goddamn you, RAW. I don’t want LayCool. I just want Lay. Cool can go hang out with Cole and Del Rio in the corner. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog “Your big foot” = LOL

    OH MAH GOODNESS! IT’S THE GIANT JOBBER SQUAD!

    The Great Khali and Mark Henry vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso

    Oh, well.  No matter who wins, this is kind of humiliating…  Josh Matthews has joined Michael Cole as King has gone to get ready for his match.

    “As I see the Usos stand across the ring from the Great Khali and the WSM, let’s face it: they don’t have a chance.  So, to give the Usos a more competitive advantage, I’ve decided to alter the contest, and these two teams will compete in a dance off.  Each team will have the opportunity to strut their stuff, and you, the WWE Universe will have the chance to decide who is the winner. Gentlemen, let’s boogie, woogie, woogie.”

    I hate. The. GM.

    You know what? I started to review this.  I don’t know why.  But now, I have a headache.  If the WWE Universe loves me, they will know that Khali and Henry can’t dance, and will accept that the Usos won.  I hate this. I HATE THI-

    That works. The Usos attack Khali and Henry, and then are met by a Punjabi Plunge and the World’s Strongest Slam, and Khali goes for a cover.  Poor thing.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @StrikerSays Sorry Usos, apparently the Bellas are the only ones with “twin magic.”

    @HitTheRopes Amazing that I was just defending Raw last night to someone who can’t stand WWE. Then we get a dance off. #LeSigh

    @KeepItFiveStar When The Usos smiled you could tell they died on the inside

    @FrankWWEClown I just threw up in my mouth watching Michael Cole dance. #WWE

    @TKeep123 Mark Henry rocking the Bollywood Dance??? Kill me now. #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @JonHexLives The Usos are straight jobbers now. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    The Shack/rain/leather person promo for 2.21.11 plays again.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: The world premiere of the trailer for The Chaperone.>

    YAY RAW HATES ME!

    RAW Rumble Match: Winner faces The Miz for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, and the other Six will be in the RAW Elimination Chamber match.

    When thrown over the top rope, and both feet touch the floor (MORRISON), you lose.  I. Hate these kinds of things.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @seraphalexiel Kidnapping a wrestler’s loved one is apparently WWE films’ recipe for success

    @kickoutblog What is WWE’s obsession with dancing? Just put Kozlov on Dancing With The Stars and be done with it.

    @KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!

    @HitTheRopes JoMo and the ‘E would have been SO pissed if one of them fans got their hand in the way during that spot last night

    ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY

    1)      John Morrison – Sheamus

    2)      Sheamus – King and John Cena


    3)      John Cena – King

    4)      CM Punk – Randy Orton

    5)      R-Truth – John Cena

    6)      Jerry “The King” Lawler – WINNER

    7)      Randy Orton – R-Truth

    I can’t cover this very well, but I’ll give you the interesting stuff.  JoMo and Sheamus give us pretty good one-on-one wrestling action, same as their matches, really.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker on JoMo and then freezes everything as Cena comes out.

    Cena comes in, obviously furious about being eliminated last night and takes it out on Sheamus.  Cena goes to hit an Attitude Adjustment, and Morrison manages to land on his feet instead of getting hit by it.

    Punk gets in and immediately cleans house, taking on anyone and everyone who gets in his way.  Punk and Morrison are clinging to the ropes like monkeys or something, but stay in.

    Truth comes in and immediately takes on his “friend” Cena.  What a shitty friend.  I’m just saying.  Truth and Morrison both nearly eliminate the other, but hang on, and Truth can’t get his black ass back in the ring.  He finally does, nearly costing Sheamus his chance to beat the shit out of him.

    Jerry runs out and Punk waited for him, and then King punches every-damn-body.  Three of the four corners have people getting ready to be dumped out.

    Punk runs out of the ring, under the bottom rope, when Randy hits the ring.  Randy’s looking for him.  And guesses where he is before getting into the ring, looking under the ring.  He wants Punk.  Orton grabs Punk’s ankle, yanks him out from under the ring and proceeds to beat the shit out of him.  Punk gets into the ring and then Randy follows, and finally enters the RAW Rumble.

    Punk was the first man eliminated, by Orton, followed right after by Orton, who was eliminated by Truth.  Truth nearly got venom spit in his face.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar That’s why R-Truth doesn’t deserved to be in the damn match. He almost got eliminated by the ropes. He probably thinks Parkour is a dance

    @StrikerSays R-Truth doesn’t even RUN to the ring, he fucking SKIPS. He makes me want to punch unicorns.

    @Niki_Sushi Sheamus has his hand ALL the way up John’s ass. Cole 2.0? #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 Orton takes out Punk…and R-truth takes out Orton! Tooth is a dead man! :} #RAW #WWE #BWF

    Good news is, no one else was eliminated during the commercial.  Bad news is, I literally just saw King’s hands all over Truth’s ass.  Ew.

    King and Morrison are working together to try to get rid of Truth, but he won’t budge.  Cena grabs Truth and Morrison on his shoulders and goes to eliminate them both, but only manages to eliminate Truth.  Morrison gets Cena on the apron, and the two duke it out, both teetering on the edge.  Sheamus runs over and tries to clothesline them both, but they move, and Sheamus holds on, and JoMo starts slapping his damn hands.  Sheamus is responsible for Cena getting back in the ring.

    Morrison pulls another shit-tacular Parkour move and he hooks his ankles in the bottom rope and keeps himself fin the match.  Goes to eliminate Sheamus, but Sheamus catapults himself right onto Morrison.

    Cena puts Sheamus in an STF, and Sheamus taps.  Like a tard.

    Morrison hits Starship Pain, and literally only hits Cena with one arm.  What the fuck.

    King throws Morrison out, but he keeps himself in by touching the floor with his hands only.

    Morrison is out courtesy of a Brogue Kick from Sheamus.  Thanks, Sheamus.

    Sheamus throws King into Cena and eliminates Cena, and then Sheamus goes for a Brogue Kick, only for Cena and King to move the rope so that Sheamus eliminates himself.

    Sorry folks, this is Kiharu (@Niki_Sushi) typing at you, because TheMizMagnet is spitting flames at this end. So this is me saying good night, and thanks for reading this review! Tune in next week for…well, more RAW.

    @TheMizMagnet JSODGIJRPOWIGJPOIFJ PDOI APOI OSIDJFPOEWI POI A LVKJDPOI EW OAIJFDA OWIEWR *ragequits*

  3. RAW 1.24.11

    3 Comments

    Hello everyone!  I know I missed RAW last week, and I’m terribly sorry about that, but I’m back tonight!  Who was that mysterious man who joined Nexus at the end of last week’s RAW? What wonderful news will we hear from the RAW General Manager tonight?  I don’t know, but I did hear a rumor that it’s supposed to be the World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, against the WWE Champion, The Miz tonight.  Champion vs Champion!  Melina and Natalya are also going head to head for the Diva’s Championship!

    Oh yeah!  The Royal Rumble is this Sunday!  Forty men are going to compete for the first time ever!  Thank God I’m not covering it.  You all know how I love multiple-party matches.  Anyway, it’s bound to be good!

    Tonight’s show is brought to you by:

    You think you know me…

    Damn! I don’t have any Edge pictures to use!

    The World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring to kick off RAW for us!  He says that he doesn’t feel like waiting.  He’s never liked waiting, he’s never had a lot of patience.  He doesn’t like waiting at the DMV, for the guy at the supermarket to pay by check, he doesn’t like waiting for the guy in front of him at security at the airport to realize his metal belt is made of metal, and he’s sick of waiting in vain for Michael Cole to stop being a tool.  So, why doesn’t the Miz just come out here now–?

    “Edge, I know you’re very anxious to have your Champion vs Champion match against The Miz, but I have officially schedule that attraction for later tonight.  Fortunately for you, I haven’t forgotten about your disrespect when you were a superstar on RAW.  That’s why I’ve arranged a special exhibition for you right now.  Whichever one of these men tosses you over the top rope will receive the advantageous position of Number 40 at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble.  Ring the bell.”

    Jack Swagger, Tyson Kidd, and Drew McIntyre make their way down to try to get the position.  Tyson Kidd is quickly eliminated by Edge, and Drew McIntyre takes advantage.  McIntyre almost gets Edge out, but Swagger breaks it up and Edge sends him over the top.  Now, it’s just McIntyre and Edge, but Edge manages to eliminate McIntyre too!

    Edge wins.

    Edge takes the mic and thanks the anonymous RAW General Manager for getting his juices flowing.  He says he’ll go to the back and get ready for his match with The Miz, but first, he wants to do something.  He slowly climbs out of the ring, and says that it’s something he did last time on this show.  Then, he asks who here wants to see a smashed laptop computer?  The crowd cheers, King says he does, and Cole says he doesn’t.  Cole gets up and tries to protect the laptop, trying to talk sense into Edge.  But, Edge is a nonsensical, crazy man.  Common sense doesn’t work.

    Damn.  The old Nexus theme is back.  I miss Punk’s already.

    Punk, Otunga, Harris, McGuillicutty, and the mystery man from last week make their way down to the ring.  As they make their way into the ring, Edge stands by the laptop, watching them.  McGuillicutty passes Punk a mic.

    Punk takes it, saying that in this world, only the strong survive, and the strong survive just not from being strong, they don’t survive just from sheer will power, they survive because they evolve.  Last week, it was announced that the Royal Rumble match will have forty Superstars, making it the biggest Royal Rumble match in the history of the Royal Rumble.  So, as he sees his surroundings change, he adapts, because he is change.  He sees the Royal Rumble expand, so the new Nexus evolves.  Last week, we saw the new Nexus expand with the inclusion of the mystery Batista.  He was hand-picked by Punk from Cardiff, Wales, and he is Mason Ryan.  Funny how Punk’s hand-picked guy kicked him in the face.

    Mason takes the mic and says he only has one thing to say: Faith.

    Punk says that he doesn’t think he could have said it more eloquently.  Faith.  These men we see are bonded by faith, and unlike John Cena, and the faithless, fake, poor-man’s Nexus on Smackdown!, their faith, come Sunday, will be rewarded.  Because they will unite for the common good, for one common goal, and that is for CM Punk to become the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble Match.  Nexus nods along, but will they stay faithful?  Punk says that when he wins the 2011 Royal Rumble, he will not only go on to headline Wrestlemania, but the new Nexus will become the most powerful group the WWE has ever laid eyes on.

    We are interrupted by the Corre, made of Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Ezekiel Jackson.  Barrett explained on Smackdown! That he is not the leader of this group; it is a group of equals.

    Barrett says to clarify something: the only poor man’s Nexus is the new Nexus.  The Corre is nothing like the Nexus.  It’s not some brainwashing dictatorship, it’s about four equals.  Zeke says at the Royal Rumble, they will try to win the match for themselves, they will unite to make sure to eliminate CM Punk.  Mason Ryan jumps in front of Punk and gets in Zeke’s face (never a good idea), and the two have a stare down.

    “If I’m going to give Smackdown! Superstars an open invitation to come to RAW, they will have to play by my rules.  With Teddy Long unfortunately sidelined, I have the authority to make this very special match.  Corre member and former Nexus leader Wade Barrett will face current Nexus leader CM Punk.  Whoever loses will see himself, and his entire group, out of the Royal Rumble match.  And gentlemen, one last thing: The special guest referee for this Barrett vs Punk match tonight will be someone you’re both extremely familiar with. The guest referee will be John Cena.”

    So… Who’s more screwed?

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Yeah, Zeke scares me more than Beardtistacles. #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 OMG.. Mason Ryan is the love child of Batista and Wade Barrett!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @JonHexLives I’ve finally figured it out. A computer program is the general manager. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar The Corre looks weird without any shirts or armbands. And Ezekiel Jackson just looks scary.

    @seraphalexiel We’re the Corre. We promote bad spelling and Heath Slater. Of course you should get behind us

    @HitTheRopes Okay, shake the ropes violently, Mason Ryan. Go ahead. You know you want to. #WWE

    @kickoutblog Well that worked out best: Swagger, Kidd or McIntyre as #40 would’ve been incredibly anticlimactic. #RAW

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Mark Henry wins the mini-Royal Rumble.>

    John Morrison and Mark Henry vs. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio

    The match starts with Rio and Morrison starting it off.  The two lock up, and Rio gets Morrison in the corner already.  The ref separates them, but Rio kicks back quick, throwing Morrison face-first into the turnbuckle, and then staying on him.  He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus takes advantage and starts to throw Morrison into the other turnbuckle, but Morrison fights back hard, putting Sheamus in a head scissors and then hitting him with a dropkick before Morrison kicks out of the quick cover.  Sheamus fights back and then tags in Rio.  Rio Whips Morrison cross the ring, but Morrison ducks his clothesline and fights back well.  Morrison gets advantage over Rio, but Sheamus pulls him out of the ring as Morrison goes for Starship Pain.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

    @KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!!!!!

    @Niki_Sushi Is anyone surprised? I believe we’ve seen more of Smackdown than RAW for the past two weeks.. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio are the greatest foreign tag team since The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff. #RAW

    @TKeep123 That singlet does nothing to enhance Mark Henry’s …ummmm…. masculinity. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Alexx_Raven: Morrison: Once you go black… You never go back.

    @kickoutblog Pot O’Gold is the best suggestion I’ve seen so far for a Del Rio/Sheamus team.

    We come back to Rio and Morrison in the ring, and Rio has Morrison in a headlock.  Morrison fights out, but Rio drops him onto his head, and sends his knee repeatedly into Morrison’s spine.  He goes into a quick cover, but Morrison kicks out at two.  Rio drags Morrison to his corner, but Morrison fights his way back to the middle, only to get a sharp elbow to the spine.  Rio tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus plays it to the crow-HOLY CRAP MICHAEL “SOUL EATER” TARVER IS WATCHING BACKSTAGE!

    Anyway, Sheamus hits a clothesline on Morrison, and then stretches Morrison out.  Sheamus gets Morrison into the middle of the ring, goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two.  Sheamus fights Morrison pretty hard, and then gets Morrison in another submission.  Morrison struggles to fight out, hitting a swift kick before trying to gain momentum.  Sheamus, however, plants Morrison, and goes for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two.  Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, but Morrison hits the flying Chuck.  Both men are down in the middle of the ring and their partners reach for them.

    Rio and Henry make their way in, and Henry drops his fist onto Rio’s head before head butting him a couple of times.  Henry Whips Rio across the ring, and then bulldozes him, going for a cover.  Sheamus breaks up the count, and Henry takes exception to this, sending Sheamus into the corner before he clotheslines Rio.  Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, but Morrison comes in and hits the flying Chuck again, before hitting a corkscrew move out of the ring.  Rio runs in and gets Henry in the spinning armbar thing, and Henry taps.

    Sheamus and Alberto del Rio win via submission.

    Later on tonight, Wade Barrett and CM Punk will go one on one against one another, and the special guest referee will be none other than John Cena.  And the loser?  Their whole group is out of the Royal Rumble.  But, up next, it’s the Diva’s Championship match!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog So sayeth the prophecy: “Upon his second coming, he shall watch a Mark Henry match.” #GuardYourSoul

    @Niki_Sushi This just in. Soul Eater [Human Name: Michael Tarver] is back, and he’s hungry. #BWF #RAW #SucksToBeYou

    @TKeep123 Sure looked like JOMO landed wrong on that knee… #WWE #RAW #BWF

    Melina vs Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship

    Random thought: How PG is it to promote a game that “You’re mom’s gonna hate it”?

    Natalya and Melina lock up, and Melina shoves Natalya against the ropes before sending her right out to the floor.  Melina throws Natalya back in, and slams her head against the mat.  Melina keeps control over Natalya in the middle of the ring before going for the cover, only for Natalya to kick out.  Melina puts Natalya in a viciously strange looking submission hold, but Natalya fights it and gets to her feet, running Melina into the corner.  Natalya beats Melina up a little, and Melina kicks her in the head before Natalya drops her, and then does it again.  Natalya went for that spinning clothesline, but Melina takes her down.  Natalya takes a beating from Melina, but Natalya grabs Melina’s leg and lock sin the Sharpshooter, bending herself all the way over, and Melina is forced to tap out.

    WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya wins via submission.

    However, LayCool cuts Natalya’s victory celebration short.

    McCool tells them to calm down, and says that they have good news.  Layla says that in six days, Nattie’s going to lose some weight.  McCool says that she’ll probably have to shop in the plus size division for the rest of her life.  They’re not talking about actual body weight, they’re talking about their Diva’s Championship.  Layla points out they never got their Championship rematch, and McCool says Sunday, they’re going to bring the Diva’s Championship back from being classless, to being flawless.

    Still to come, the World Heavyweight Champion Edge takes on the WWE Champion, The Miz.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi That end was a credit to Melina’s flexibility, as she didn’t snap in half. #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes The way Melina can bend, it just leaves a lot to the imagination. #wwe

    @kickoutblog (secretly hoping for Kong to interfere in this match and destroy them both… Sorry Natalya)

    @KeepItFiveStar And here we go! The slap happy Melina vs. the awkward screaming Natalya!

    @JonHexLives Best. Sharpshooter. Ever. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Shouldn’t Beth Phoenix be getting title shots? She’s actually been winning

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, CM Punk vs John Cena, and Mason Ryan appears.>

    Backstage, Otunga is stirring up more trouble, and is pointing out that if Punk loses, then they’re all screwed.  Punk says that he’s sensing a lot of negative energy, and he doesn’t like it.  Punk point sout that last week he made a sacrifice, to Mason Ryan, and took a kick in the face to beat John Cena.  Come Sunday, Ryan will make his sacrifice, as will all of them, to sacrifice their spot to win the Royal Rumble match, to insure that he does.  He says that when he wins, when he main events Wrestlemania, all of their lives change.  Punk breaks off and looks at Husky.  Harris says that there are forty people in the Royal Rumble match.  What if Punk comes out first, and the Nexus doesn’t come until, say, 20th, and he’s already eliminated?  Ryan tells him CM Punk will not be eliminated.  Punk tells them to maintain the Corre so he can beat Nexus.  Punk says that he doesn’t expect Cena to LET him win, he’s going to win because he’s better.  Besides, Barrett has been making Cena’s life hell.  He then tells them to have faith, and then tells them to take a knee.  He extends his fist, and the others do as well.

    Backstage, Josh Matthews is interviewing Cena, who punches him, yet again.  Matthews has to be sick of that.  Matthews asks what his mindset will be for the main event, and Cena says that as an official he’s recognized for doing the same thing.  He says that if Punk wins, he has faith that he will eliminate each and every member of the new Nexus.  If Barrett wins, he has to deal with the Corre, and points out that it has an extra r, and it stands for –

    He’s interrupted by Miz, who fakes a laugh.  Miz says he can’t believe Cena’s attitude about the Royal Rumble match.  Winning the Royal Rumble match could be the worst thing that has ever happened to them should they choose to face him.  Did Cena not see how he gave Orton the worst beating of his life?  Or the beating he’s going to give that second-rate Champion Edge?  Cena asks him to try to give him the worst beating of his life.  Cena points out that The Miz could lose to Randy Orton, and could lose his rematch, and they must-see their way to a shower.  Miz asks Matthews if he thinks he’s going to lose, but Miz interrupts him before he can answer.  Miz asks the crowd, and they answer yes.  Miz asks Riley if it’s ready, and Riley says to roll the footage.  Hey, G! Think you can get me a .gif of Miz and Riley laughing??

    <VIDEO PACAKGE: WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley beat down Randy Orton.>

    AWESOME!

    WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge

    Before the match begins, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero make their way out to the ring as well, and Dolph joins on commentary, with Vickie.

    Miz and Edge, start to lock up, but Miz misses two kicks.  Edge continues to deftly avoid all of Miz’ attempts, but catches Miz’ foot and gets the advantage, backing Miz into a corner.  He Whips Miz across the ring and then sends his elbow into Miz’ face.  He kicks Miz in the stomach, and then head butts him.  Miz fights back, however, and elbows him.  Once again, however, Miz misses his kick.  Miz and Edge lock hands and Edge twists Miz’ arm behind his back.  Miz tries to lift Edge, but can’t get him up.  Edge fights back and sends Miz right over the top rope.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @RhymesWithPen Vickie Guerrero looks way better in tights than Jerry Lawler ever did

    @kickoutblog I love Dolph Ziggler’s business casual + hoodie attire.

    @Niki_Sushi Hey. GM. Do your damn job and chase away Smackdown. Gawd, such a failure turtle. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog The Miz has bigger fish to fry than John Cena anyway, he’s got a World Champion to beat.

    We come back to Edge immediately going for a cover on Miz, but Miz kicks out at two.  Miz gets the advantage, however, attacking the injured ribs of Edge before hitting him with a kick in the face.  Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two.  Miz puts his knee in Edge’s back and then pulls him back, and I’ma punch this cameraman.  I don’t care about Dolph and Vickie, thank you.  Edge fights out, however, and Miz drops him right onto his back with his own hair.  Miz keeps the advantage, and Whips Edge across the ring, but Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Miz.  Miz starts to get up and Edge sets up for the Spear, but Miz rolls out of the ring first.  Edge, however, follows, and Miz attacks the ribs again, before Whipping him, only to get it countered and for Miz to be sent to the barrier.  Riley’s on the outside, keeping an eye on things.  Edge throws Miz back into the ring.  Edge climbs up to the top rope, and Miz fights him up there, going for a suplex, but Edge holds on, fighting to get Miz back to the mat.  Edge gets ready, and hits a cross body on Miz, but Miz kicks out of the cover on two.  Edge throws Miz into the corner, and then across the ring into the corner.  Edge goes to do it again, but Riley helps Miz get out of the way.  Miz gets Edge up and slams him, ribs first, into the top rope.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @RhymesWithPen The World Champion is currently wrestling the WWE Champion and all Lawler cares about is making Vickie fat jokes … #IWantWrestling

    @JonHexLives Why is Alex Riley wearing Sheamus-tinted boots? #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar TWO COMMERCIAL BREAKS?! *Monocle drops* UNHEARD OF!

    @kickoutblog THEY JUST WENT TO COMMERCIAL! COME ON!

    Jesus, we come back to Miz going for a cover, Edge kicking out, Miz beating Edge then going for a cover, then Edge kicks out, then Miz starts beating on Edge again.  Miz is doing something with the bandage for a minute there, and then wraps his legs around Edge’s ribs.  Dolph needs to shut the fuck up.  Edge did something and dropped Miz almost literally onto his head.  Edge hits something else, but I didn’t see it.  Edge is fighting back hard, and this a clothesline on Miz.  Edge drops Miz, and then goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two.  Miz drives his shoulder into Edge’s ribs repeatedly for a minute, before running across the ring, missing the swinging corner clothesline.  Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two, and Alex Riley distracts Edge.  Edge climbs back into the ring, and Miz grabs him, going for a quick cover, but Edge kicks out at two.  Miz Whips Edge, misses a clothesline, but manages to hit Riley with the baseball slide, before Edge drops Miz back to the mat.  Edge crawls back and sets up the Spear, and I think I just heard Dolph drop the headset.  I did.

    WWE Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.

    Ziggler grabs Edge as Edge goes for the Spear, and hits the Zig Zag on Edge.  However, Orton is out next, and Ziggler attacks Orton, as well as Riley.  Orton hits a vicious scoop slam on Ziggler, and Miz tries to take off, but Orton grabs him and beats him up.  Miz runs into the ring, and Orton hits an RKO on Riley, then on Ziggler.  Miz comes in and hits Orton in the knees with Riley’s briefcase before he grabs the WWE Championship and heads on out.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Oh no! It’s never a good day when Miz misses the clothesline

    @Lunna1969 i love when Randy does the scoop slam! it always looks so smooth! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @kickoutblog Also, if this whole wrestling this doesn’t work out, Miz should totally sell a licorice candy called Mizzlers.

    We come back to Matthews asking Barrett what the difference is between nexus and The Corre.  Barrett says that when he first formed Nexus, he got too close to the WWE Championship and lost sight of his original goal, and lost the Nexus.  But, every cloud has a silver lining, and he’s a member of The Corre.  The Corre doesn’t have leadership issues or against John Cena being the special guest referee.  Matthews says that people are pointing fingers at The Corre as being responsible for the attack on Teddy Long.  Barrett stops him and says that he wishes Long a speedy recovery.  Their goal for today is to make sure that Punk and Nexus are out of the Royal Rumble.  As for Cena, Barrett hopes that Cena can respect him as he respects Cena.

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan and the Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and Alicia Fox

    Bryan and DiBiase are going to start it out, and Bryan fights out of DiBiase’s headlock quickly, and Bryan sends DiBiase to the mat.  As the men are getting ready to work, Maryse tags herself in, and one of the Bellas and Maryse starts out.  Bella 1 sends Maryse to the mat, and Bella 2 distracts Bella 1 from the whole thing, and Maryse takes advantage with a quick pinfall.

    Ted DiBiase, Alicia Fox and Maryse win via pinfall.

    The Bellas are fighting, and Daniel doesn’t look like he knows what the fuck to do.  Get used to it, Bryan.

    Still to come, Punk v Barrett.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase, Maryse and Knuckles from Sonic The Hedgehog vs Darling Nikki, that other twin and Daniel Bryan!

    @HitTheRopes Wow, two matches involving Divas on one Raw. #Shocked

    @Niki_Sushi Aaaaaaaaand there goes the good mood. Nastiness Personified vs Sexy People. Sigh. #BWF #RAW

    At the Royal Rumble, Randy Orton and The Miz will go head to head for the WWE Championship!  Dolph Ziggler and Edge will duke it out for the World Heavyweight Championship!  LayCool will meet Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship, and it is a first-ever Forty Man Royal Rumble Match!

    Backstage, the Bellas are fighting each other about who is better for Bryan, or whatever is important to them.  Tarver watches them argue for a moment before he walks away, and both are ridiculously unaware of how lucky they are to have not gotten their souls stolen.  However, They enter Daniel Bryan’s locker room to see him and Gail Kim kissing.  Haha, you whores.  Bryan says that he and Gail have been dating for six months.  Gail says that with no guest stars around they have nothing to do.  Gail gets up in their faces and slaps one, and then is sent in the corner by the other one.  Referees have to break them apart, because Gail is gonna break her heel off in their asses.

    The new Nexus, without Punk, makes their way to the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes Michael Tarver continues to pop up in random spots. #wwe

    @Niki_Sushi So. Gail kinda just went up about 100% on the ‘DAMN’ meter, ya think? Such a shame that she has bad taste in men. #BWF #RAW

    @divadirt “Because there’s no guest stars around, you guys really have nothing to do?” says Gail re. the Bellas. Oh snap! #WWE

    @seraphalexiel IF THIS MEANS GAIL KIM WRESTLING, THEN I FORGIVE THAT LAST MATCH

    @HitTheRopes Holy hell, something for Gail Kim, yay! #wwe

    @KeepItFiveStar OHHHH SHIT! GAIL KIM WITH THE SHOOT COMMENT

    This Sunday, Edge and Randy Orton will come together as a tag team once again to take on The Miz and Dolph Ziggler!

    Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris with Mason Ryan and David Otunga vs WWE Tag Team Champions Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella with Tamina

    McGuillicutty and Kozlov start things off with McGuillicutty losing his mind all over Kozlov.  Kozlov fights back, however, and tags in Marella, who drops McGuillicutty to the mat and puts him in a headlock.  McGuillicutty fights out of it, however, and sends Santino into the corner.  Santino tries to jump up on McGuillicutty, who isn’t there, and McGuillicutty takes advantage, sending Santino to his corner.  Harris is tagged in and stops on Santino before picking him up and dropping him real fucking fast.  Harris goes for a quick pinfall, but Santino kicks out at two.  Harris keeps him in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and then Santino flips Harris over him.  Harris takes exception to this, and drops Santino, before going for a cover, but Santino kicks out.  Santino continues to take abuse from Harris, who has him in a headlock in the middle of the ring.  Santino fights to his feet, and both men are down.  Santino manages to make it over to Kozlov, but before he can tag, Harris sends Kozlov off the apron.  Santino starts to get momentum, and avoids his moves.  He starts to flip Harris, but instead hits Harris’ knee.  Santino sets up the Cobra, and McGuillicutty starts to get in, distracting Santino, while Harris takes advantage.  Harris hits some kind of harsh-looking move and pins Santino for the win.

    Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris win via pinfall.

    Otunga takes the mic and asks for a hand for the new Nexus, but gets boos.  He says that he wants everybody to give a warm welcome to the man who has sacrificed so much for them, a man who they will sacrifice for this Sunday and help propel to victory at the 2011 Royal Rumble match.  Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for their leader, CM Punk.  As CM Punk makes his way to the ring, Cena is backstage and is handed a referee shirt.  He tosses his dog tags to the guy that gave him the shirt and makes his way to the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Michael Tarver should’ve handed John Cena his ref shirtt.

    @TKeep123 All HAIL…..SANTINO !!!! Can Nexus handle The Cobra? #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Wow. That belt has sucked out all of Tamina’s muscle. And for those keeping count, she’s wearing shoes.

    CM Punk with New Nexus vs Wade Barrett with the Corre with Special Guest Referee John Cena

    Haven’t done this in a while, so:

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCRAP YER POO!!!

    Wait, where’s the ref shirt he was just handed?  Oh, it’s under.  Okay.

    Cena, before the match is even started, sends the New Nexus backstage and away from ringside.  The Corre is clapping, but that shit won’t last. Punk looks greatly upset.  Cena seems to be distracted by the Cena chants, and sends The Corre backstage next.  Told ya so.

    Cena finally calls for the damn bell… and then steps between them, and shoves Punk backwards.  Punk goes to attack him, and points out that he’s the ref.  Then, he slaps Barrett, and points out he’s the ref.  So, Punk attacks Barrett instead.  Cena stands across the ring and just stands there so that Punk can attack Barrett as he wants.  Punk sends Barrett out of the ring and gets in Cena’s face and yells at him, but Cena doesn’t seem fazed.  He then sends Punk over the top rope, and Punk runs in, pissed, but stops himself before he hits Cena.  Barrett, however, comes back in and attacks Punk, hitting a hard sidewalk slam.  Cena then ignores the cover and goes out to the side and signs a few autographs, pretending that he forgot there was a match going on.  Punk and Barrett are trying to wrestle, and knock each other down.  Cena calls for the bell.

    Cena then says that both teams are disqualified for excessive use of profanity on a PG show, and neither team is going to the Royal Rumble.  And then Cena laughs.  And Punk and Barrett are pissed.

    “What we have just witnessed was a blatant abuse of power.  Now, I can’t change the referee’s decision of this double disqualification, but I can change the consequences.  Therefore, CM Punk, Wade Barrett, and their respective teams, will all compete in the Royal Rumble match Sunday.  And in addition, if John Cena does not go into the ring and apologize to both Wade Barrett and CM Punk, right now, John Cena, you will be the one out of the Royal Rumble match.”

    Cena’s pissed about this, and Punk and Barrett like this way too damn much.  Cena pulls off his ref shirt and walks back to the ring.  He slides in and stands between the two of them.  He apologizes to Punk, then to Barrett, and then attacks them both.  And then The Corre makes their way back down to the ring before the New Nexus follows.  Cena watches both teams, but the teams seem more weary of each other than they do Cena.  McGuillicutty stars to attack, and then Big Show, Bryan, Morrison, Tatsu, Henry, Kozlov, Marella, and some other people, I’m sure, start coming out.  Oh, there’s Truth too.

    Anyway, there’s RAW for ya.  Decent build up for the Royal Rumble, though I think everyone was busier talking about Gail Kim and Daniel Bryan.  Anyway, hope you all enjoy your week.

  4. RAW 1.10.11

    3 Comments

    Hello everyone!  Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy.  Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week.  Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover.  BUT THAT’S OKAY!  We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.

    Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago!  And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!

    Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!

    WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship

    Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships.  Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos.  Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo.  Turns out we’re gonna get one.

    Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes.  He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date.  Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen.  And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now.  He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history.  He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation.  That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight.  Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight.  Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning.  And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus.  But, he’s getting ahead of himself.  His won’t be the only initiation tonight.  Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus.  If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.

    Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight.  Punk says that the honor will all be his.  Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first.  He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks.  They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too.  McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down.  Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it.  Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him.  Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action.  Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty.  Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash.  Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep.  Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.

    @kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.

    @StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?

    @CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE

    @Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!

    R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio

    If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.

    Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two.  Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky?  Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline.  Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline.  Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor.  The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves.  Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back.  But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.

    Alberto del Rio wins via count out.

    Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him!  But we already know that.  We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania.  Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville!  The music city?  Oh, you silly, silly, Americans.  You don’t know anything about music.  You don’t know anything about culture.  Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena.  All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music.  This is a bad place to diss country music…  In Mexico, they know about music.  They know about culture.  He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music!  He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing.  Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely.  Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha.  Which I learned in Spanish.  He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.

    Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him.  Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming.  Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match.  Goodie.  Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to?  Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!

    @Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.

    @typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?

    @JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, WWE Champion The Miz violently attacks Jerry “The King” Lawler.”>

    Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered.  Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz.  Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.

    “Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism.  However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way.  Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk.  Okay, just kidding.  The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood.  I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion.  Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner.  He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome.  Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”

    Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach.  Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?”  Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome.  What he really is is a coward.  Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.

    Cole says it still works.

    “I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward.  And King, neither are you.  That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge.  Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”

    Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors.  Husky’s next.  His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand.  He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something.  Husky says he accepts.  Punk tells him to take the shirt off.  Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts.  Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was.  Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky.  Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms.  Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …

    @KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling

    @Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M

    @jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol

    @dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse

    Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating.  However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring.  Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in.  DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner.  Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan.  Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock.  Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase.  Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd.  Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground.  Twice.  Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in.  They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan.  Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.

    Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.

    Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton.  We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.

    @TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
    @TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.

    @Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe

    @KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble

    On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked.  Not like anyone cares about NXT.

    Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!

    Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown.  Awesome.  And Show just wiggled his ass.  I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.

    Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW.  He is here to discuss some issues.  Number one is Wade Barrett.  He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble.  He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice.  The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-

    We walk alone…

    Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus.  Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation.  He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.

    Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear.  Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring.  Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table.  Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table.  Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor.  Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring.  He then choke slams Otunga.  Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga.  Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up.  I guess Otunga passed.

    Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing

    @kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.

    @KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch

    @RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.

    <VIDEO PACAKGE: Last week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship>

    John Morrison vs King Sheamus

    Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach.  Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee.  Sheamus goes for a  cover, but Morrison kicks out at two.  Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison.  Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face.  Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out.  Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover.  Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum.  He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner.  Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again.  Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.

    Drew McIntyre

    We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock.   He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two.  Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover.  Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission.  Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks.  Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it.  Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out.  Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs.  Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring.  Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back.  Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.

    John Morrison wins via pinfall.

    Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.

    Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in.  Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop.  Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL!  Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them.  Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out.  He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences.  Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it.  They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE

    @Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW

    @stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw

    @YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?

    The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!

    Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame.  So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame.  Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe.  He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee.  And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.

    I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…

    Holy shit, Shawn is there.  I hate them right now.  But it’s a personal thing.  Just ignore me now.

    Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-

    Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring.  HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him.  Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper.  These people used to cheer Shawn.  An HBK chant starts.  Del Rio says but now, they cheer him.  Which is greeted by a giant boo.  It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE.  And Shawn is just history.  After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania.  And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music.  He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up.  Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW

    @Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_

    @TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE

    @Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn

    @Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.

    @KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!

    @TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.

    @RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?

    Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz.  Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about.  But no, people are talking about Randy Orton.  People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble.  NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned.  Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time.  Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight

    Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena.  Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk.  Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass.  Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now.  What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus.  What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus.  They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same.  His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader.  Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death.  Fucking hell.  Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no.  So do I.  Punk spreads his arms, and pauses.  He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people?  He’s wearing a bright yellow harness.  He has two guys spotting him.  He’s safer there than anyone in their seats.  He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?  Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life.  The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.

    Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid.  He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior.  There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus.  Punk says that Cena is no longer there.  He got rid of Cena.

    Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of.  Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time.  Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation?  He’s already given them one.  He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait.  There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks.  Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John.  John says prove it.  Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match.  Punk says that he accepts.  Cena says he was hoping that Punk would.  All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right.  If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet.  That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with.  As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with.  Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.

    Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW

    @KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy

    @kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.

    @CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.

    @ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.

    @kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.

    @JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    AWESOME!

    The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton

    Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring.  Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down.  Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring.  Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him.  Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely.  Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps.  Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley.  Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton.  Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner.  The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach.  Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again.  Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler.  Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times.  King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off.  Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref.  Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock.  Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles.  Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.

    We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz.  Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles.  Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz.  Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it.  Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO.  Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up.  Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton.  Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too.  Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT.  He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO.  Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out.  Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO.  Orton keeps his focus on Miz.  Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz.  Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.

    Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

    Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!

    Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels.  And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling.  It’s a personal thing, I suppose.  Anyway.  We’ll see what happens next week!  Later!

  5. RAW 12.20.10

    5 Comments

    Hello everyone! Sorry this is up late, but I had a headache last night, and my throat hurt… Not that I need to tell you wall that.  Anyway!  Make sure to check out this link: http://boredwrestlingfan.com/2010/12/14/raw-tweeter-year-contest/ and vote for who you think deserves to be RAW Tweeter of the Year!! You have until December 31st to cast your votes.  Now, if your name isn’t there, don’t be upset.  These are just the people who I mentioned repeatedly in the review because of their tweets.  Use the #BWF hash tag (just like that) on Twitter and maybe you can get mentioned!  We’ll see what happens for next year, but let’s finish up this year first.

    Anyway, last night was Tables, Ladders, and Chairs!  Who walked out victorious with the WWE Championship?  Did John Cena defeat Nexus leader Wade Barrett?  Did I eat those cookies…?  I didn’t eat the cookies.  I remember now.

    AWESOME!

    We start out with WWE Champion The Miz coming out all by his lonesome!  Where’s Alex Riley?!  And no Michael Cole?! Thank God!! RAW’s starting out amazing!!

    Miz says that he is STILL the WWE Champion.  We better get used to hearing ‘and still WWE Champion, The Miz’.  Doesn’t it have a nice ring to it?  He knows it’s tough for everyone to digest.  They were all expecting an announcement of “the NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton”, but that didn’t happen, now did it?  The Miz beat Randy Orton, put him through a table and now…  Miz is interrupted by some ghostly music and Alex Riley comes out.

    Riley says that he is the Ghost of Christmas Past.  He’s here to show Miz the error of his ways before it is too late.  Behold, his first ever WWE Title Defense, which was, of course, against Jerry “The King” Lawler, three weeks ago.  Miz says the error of his ways?  He’s actually proud of what he did.  He beat a WWE Hall of Famer and made sure that he will never be WWE Champion.  He doesn’t regret that moment, and he doesn’t regret any actions he’s ever done in the past.  He starts to go on, but is interrupted again by Cole, dressed up as the Ghost of Christmas Present.

    Cole says “And I Quote…” Miz needs to change.  His actions from last night, in the tables match vs. Randy Orton were, although vintage, unacceptable.  He retained his championship through nefarious means, and he should be ashamed.  Miz says no, that’s where Cole’s wrong.  The actions of a true champion are defined by one sentence and one sentence only: Are they still WWE Champion after the match?  And yes, he was.  That is all that matters.  Randy Orton underestimated Miz, and Miz beat him.  So, here’s an image to put on your Christmas cards: Happy Holidays from The Miz!

    Miz is interrupted again, but this time by a still image of Angry Miz girl, who tells Miz that she is the Ghost of Christmas Future, and she is very angry.

    Miz needs to see the light and change his ways, or the new Number One Contender, John Morrison, will beat him.  Miz says that he is the future.  He is the face of this company, the most must-see champion in WWE history.  Charles Dickens himself couldn’t write a better story, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!

    Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

    John Morrison makes his way out, and ruins CM Punk’s night.   He says he’s surprised.  That was really stupid, even for Miz.  But, Morrison’s actually happy for his success, because last night, he beat Sheamus.  He climbed a ladder, grabbed a contract, and he’s the new Number One Contender.  That means that sometime soon, they will fight for that title.  And Morrison has news for Miz: He’s beat him in the past, in the present, and he knows he can beat him in the future.  And when he does, he will become the new WWE Champion.  Miz asks really?  And has kind of a really-off with the audience.  Miz says he’s always been better than Morrison, and Morrison couldn’t…  Before Miz can continue, Riley jumps in front of him, between Miz and Morrison, and shoves Morrison.  Miz exits the ring and Morrison goes after Riley.  While he’s pummeling away on Riley, King Sheamus runs down the ramp and decides he’s going to join in the fun!  He attacks Morrison, but misses, and Morrison unloads on Sheamus.  Riley gets out of the ring as Sheamus attacks Morrison’s injured leg.  Riley moved over to King, for some reason, and King punches him right in the face.  Miz walks up the ramp.

    And I Quote:  “Miz, tonight, you will collide with your ghosts from the past, present, and future, in a six-man tag team match.  You, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus vs. John Morrison, Jerry Lawler, and Randy Orton.”

    Miz is up on the stage now, holding up his championship and yelling about how he’s the champion, when he turns to go backstage, and Randy comes out.  Orton clotheslines Miz to the ground,

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last night, John Cena pulls, as we now know, 23 chairs down on top of Wade Barrett.>

    Coming up later, John Cena will address the WWE Universe.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Miz, you need to change and fall in love with me so we can get married and have butt-babies. #WhatColeIsSaying #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog When was the last time John Morrison showered?

    @kellylynndobson Backwards Bizarro set!!! This is not good. #RAW #BWF

    @FrankWWEClown Did someone put drugs into my dinner tonight? Or am I really witnessing what I am watching on #RAW right now? #WWE

    @Lunna1969 My 8 year old Niece just groaned and said that she wished CM Punk would read the GM messages! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    Later on tonight, the WWE Champion The Miz, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus will face off against the team of John Morrison, Randy Orton, and Jerry “The King” Lawler.  The Diva’s Champion, Natalya joins Punk, King, and Cole ringside.

    Melina vs Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres to determine the Number One Contender for the WWE Diva’s Championship

    Natalya says that she’s feeling quite dreamy sitting next to King, and then ends up telling him to settle his tea kettle.

    The match starts out, and Alicia Fox goes to town on both Eve Torres and Melina.  She switches back and forth between Eve and Melina for a while, throwing Eve out of the ring and concentrating on Melina.  Melina starts to fight back against Alicia, and then fends off Eve too.   All of them go for quick pins on one another, but none of them get further than two.  Then Melina gets Eve on the top turnbuckle.  Alicia grabs Melina onto her shoulders and holds her there, and then Eve goes to hit a flying cross body on the both of them, but Melina ducks under it, bringing Alicia with her, for a quick pin.

    Melina wins via pinfall.

    Natalya says it was impressive, and goes to congratulate her.  Punk tells her to waffle Melina upside the head, and Natalya ignores him.  She gets in the ring and goes to shake Melina’s hand, but Melina slaps the taste out of Natalya’s mouth and then walks out, her serious face on.

    Nikki and Brie are arguing over Daniel Bryan, over which one is going to win his affections or something.  I have no idea, but it’s nasty.  Anyway, up next, Daniel Bryan has a match!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog “These Divas are so hot.” CM Punk channeling Jerry Lawler circa 1999?

    @HitTheRopes Why isn’t Gail Kim involved in this match?

    @JonHexLives CM Punk: Small package. There’s a joke in there somewhere. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Oh shit! Melina heel turn! Follow her lead Heel Nikki! Follow her lead!

    @Niki_Sushi As sick as I am of Melina being the only one getting title shots, it’s better than the Bellas getting a shot. #BWF #RAW

    @kellylynndobson What did the five fingers say to the face……. SLAP! #BWF

    It’s WWE week on USA!  Tonight, technically, Smackdown will be live on USA at 9/8 Central, and WWE Tribute to the Troops is on Wednesday night!  Also, Nexus probably won’t be here tonight.  Crying shame, that.

    United States Daniel Bryan with the Bella Twins vs. William Regal

    I marked out when I saw that his opponent was Regal.  I adore Regal.

    Regal and Bryan lock up as Punk, King, and Cole try to figure out why Regal’s smiling.  Regal automatically throws Bryan to the ground, but Bryan jumps back on his feet and throws Regal down instead.  Regal bounces back up to his feet, and then shakes his finger at Bryan, which makes me laugh.  Regal drops Bryan to the ground, holding onto his arm, and then when Bryan gets up, Regal’s not letting go.  Bryan rolls over to get his arm untwisted, and then goes into this bridge thing for no reason, and then hits a dropkick on Regal.  They lock up again, and Bryan twists Regal’s arm this time.  Regal gets loose and proceeds to kick Bryan’s spine with the toe of his boot.  It apparently pisses Bryan off, because he shoots to his feet and punches Regal, then kicks him hard in the back repeatedly.  Bryan gets Regal in the corner and continues to kick him.  Bryan goes to whip Regal across the ring, but Regal counters and whips Bryan across.  Bryan runs up the ropes and flips over Regal, and then bounces off the ropes and right into Regal’s clothesline.  Regal goes for a quick pin, but Bryan kicks out at two.  Regal holds Bryan in a rather vicious looking headlock, but Bryan fights to his feet.  He lifts Regal out of the air and goes to drop him, but Regal takes him down with him.  Regal keeps the headlock applied, and Bryan fights to his feet, but Regal drops him back on the mat.  Regal finally lets go and punches Bryan in the head a few times, then goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two.  Regal puts his knees in Bryan’s face, then hurls him across the ring.  Bryan bounces off the turnbuckle and then slams right into another clothesline from Regal.  Regal goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two.  Regal then puts Bryan in a full nelson, holding him there as Bryan tries to fight out.  Bryan fights to his feet and then slams his ass against Regal, or at least that’s what it looks like.  Regal and Bryan exchange uppercuts for a while, and then Bryan gets the momentum, only to get punched in the stomach by Regal.  Regal goes for another uppercut, but Bryan catches him, going for a backslide.  Regal fights out of it, and then hits Bryan in the back of the head.  Regal now sets up for the Regal Stretch, but Bryan fights out of it and locks in the LaBell Lock, which Regal fights hard, for the win.

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via submission.

    Regal applauds Bryan, and then the Bellas get in the ring and kiss Bryan.  Bryan looks confused, and I would be too.

    Still to come, the WWE Champion The Miz teams up with Alex Riley and King Sheamus to take on John Morrison, Randy Orton, and Jerry “The King” Lawler!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Ugh. Fucking Daniel. All we need is ‘What’s up?’ and… shit, I dunno. OMGREGAL! Guess I’ll watch the match now. xD #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes Please give this match time #WWE

    @KeepItFiveStar Please WWE, don’t make this 3 minutes long

    @TKeep123 William Regal is making a Daniel Bryon match almost watchable! Alas, the Labell lock wins out. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF Hide your kids, hide your wife, and call your friends because William Regal and Daniel Bryan is going on. IWC just creamed.

    We come back to John Morrison preparing for this match backstage.  Randy Orton joins him and says that it looks like Morrison’s the new Number One Contender.  Morrison says that the match last night was bogus.  Orton says that if Morrison wins the Championship match against Miz, he’s going after Morrison.  Morrison says if that happens, he’ll be ready.  He trusts Randy will be ready.  Randy says that’s his first mistake: Do not trust him.

    We flash to Santino laying on a towel, and Tamina standing on his back, apparently trying to work out some kink or something.  He asks if she knows what she’s doing, and she says not really.  Maryse walks up and says that it’s cute, ugly takes care of ugly.  It’s good to know after she and Ted beat them tonight, Tamina has a plan B.  Tamina calls her cupcake, and Maryse stands on Santino’s back too.  The two get in each other’s faces, but security carries them off, leaving Santino face down on the floor.

    Mark Henry and Gail Kim are backstage talking about how the air is much fresher because for the first time in six months, the Nexus isn’t on RAW.  They continue to talk, but then are interrupted by Vickie Guerrero, who barks out an ‘excuse me!’ with Dolph Ziggler in tow.  Henry says he takes that back: The air is not as fresh as he thought it was.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar They finally found Tamina some shoes.

    @Niki_Sushi Dude. It’s Christmas, not fucking Valentine’s Day. Stop humping each other and WRESTLE!!! #BWF #RAW

    @5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF What a terrible response from Morrison. “Well uh, alright…..I’ll be ready.”

    @HitTheRopes Creative meeting note: “How about we put Gail Kim in a match for #1 Contender for Diva Title…nah, a segment with Mark Henry is better.”


    Santino Marella and Tamina vs Ted DiBiase and Maryse

    Santino walks out, all bent over.  When they get to the ring, Tamina lifts Santino, cracking his back or something, and making it all better.  Santino looks like he’s going to hug her, but seems to remember that he has a match to participate in.  Santino and DiBiase start out, locking up.  Santino makes the Cobra with his hand, and then drops DiBiase to the ground.  DiBiase retaliates by punching Santino in the face.  DiBiase controls the match for a while, hitting a standing dropkick right to Santino’s chin.  DiBiase gets Santino in a headlock and holds him there, Santino reaching and grabbing for the ropes.  Santino fights to his feet and manages to duck the clothesline from DiBiase, and then hits a hip toss on DiBiase.  DiBiase rolls over to the corner, tagging Maryse in as Santino sets up for the Cobra.  Maryse stands behind Santino until he turns around, and Santino forcibly stops himself from hitting the Cobra on her, saying ‘It’s a girl’.  While he fights it, Maryse turns it around on him and he hits himself with the Cobra.  Tamina then comes in and super kicks Maryse right in the face.  She drags her to a corner, pulls her pigtails out, and then climbs up to the top rope.  She’s about to jump off, when Ted goes to get her, but Santino goes to hit the Cobra, only for Ted to send him to the mat.  Tamina hits the Superfly Splash for the win.

    Tamina and Santino Marella win via pinfall.

    Tamina glomps Santino, for that was exactly what that was, and Santino seems to have back problems again.  Then again, after taking that chair from Barrett last night and the beat down from Nexus, I’d have back problems too.  Tamina then carries a celebrating Santino up the ramp.

    Backstage, John Cena makes his way to the ring, regifting some flowers and then drinking someone else’s coffee, I think.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Tamina used health. Santino restored to 100 HP

    @Niki_Sushi …. Did Tamina just Sweet Chin Music Maryse?! THAT’S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes Tamina is wondering: How the heck did @TheBethPhoenix carry Santino around? Dude is NOT light.

    @5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF WHY IS JOHN CENA STEALING FLOWERS AND DRINKING OTHER PEOPLE’S COFFEE? #HideYourFlowersHideYourCoffee #IhatePG

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MISTLETOE!!!

    Cena says that they’re extra fired up tonight, and he knows why.  Because tonight is epic, monumental.  He feels good about tonight, he’s gonna do something he should have done a long time ago.  He hugs the guy in the We Hate Cena guy, who looks ashamed.  Cena says that tonight, for the first time in six months, Monday Night RAW is Nexus-free!!  It makes him wanna dance, so he does the dougie.  He even says that they hit rock bottom.  He says it makes him wanna sing.  So, he sings to make Texas happy, of course.  He says that he’s so happy to be there that he has a treat.  He’s commandeered some footage from last night’s TLC.  It Is the footage describing the demise of Wade Barrett.

    <VIDEO PACKGE: Cena puts a panel over Barrett, then pulls chairs on top of him.>

    Cena plays it again, from another camera angle.  Then again, from another camera angle, and yet again in slow motion.  Punk is still aghast over this, by the way, and continues to call Cena a monster.  Cena says that he feels good when he gets a bargain, especially close to the holiday season.  Six months ago, he promised he would get to each and every member of the Nexus, and it took some time, but last night at TLC, he got to each and every member of the Nexus.  That means the winds have finally changed for Barrett and his group of turd burglars, and he can now focus on the more important things, like winning the Royal Rumble and going to Wrestlemania.

    Then, it’s all ruined by Vickie’s screeching.  I MEAN, asking them to excuse her.

    She and Intercontinental champion Dolph Ziggler come out.  Vickie says pardon the interruption, but no one hears her over the crowd.  Pardon the interruption, but John wasn’t the only one who won a match last night.  Cena says that there’s so much hatred in the air, he can’t hear her.  Every time she goes to talk now, the crowd won’t let her speak.  John’s dying as they completely swallow whatever she’s trying to say.  She continues to screech, and he continues to laugh.  Cena tells them to give her the floor, but they won’t do it.  Cena finally has to stand right in front of her to hear her, and finally tells everyone that she said he wasn’t the only one who won last night.  Vickie continues, and says that despite competing in a Triple Threat match, Dolph is still Intercontinental Champion.  And since Cena can show footage, Vickie can show her own footage.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week at the Slammys, Jerry “The King” Lawler insults Vickie Guerrero.>

    Vickie says that she has come to demand an apology, and if King doesn’t give her one, her boyfriend is going to beat him up.  Jerry asks if it was about her weight.  HE can’t help it if she’s the only Diva in the WWE whose bathtub has stretch marks.  Cena says that Vickie is so fat she wakes up in sections.  Jerry responds with when God said ‘let there be light’, he had to ask Vickie to step out of the way first.  John responds with ‘Vickie’s so fat, her baby pictures had to be taken via satellite.”  Dolph defends Vickie, and Cena stops Dolph, and says that Dolph called Vickie a double bagger, meaning Dolph has to put a bag over his head in case the one over her head breaks.  Dolph used to be afraid of the dark, but then he saw Vickie naked, and was afraid of the light.  It’s about here that Vickie slaps Cena.

    And I Quote: “Since Vickie Guerrero is threatening that her boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler, will beat people up, let’s try it in a match tonight.  Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena.  And that match will take place right now.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar “If You Can’t See Me, GivE Me A Hell Yeah” If they can’t see you, how are they gonna know to give the hell yeah? Worst sign ever

    @kickoutblog JOHN CENA IS BACK… from not leaving!

    @HitTheRopes I’m wondering if Cena handled getting dumped the same way he handled being fired. #wwe

    @Niki_Sushi All I want for Christmas is my Hunter back… is that too much to ask for?! Enough! GIMME A KILLER! #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 Vickie, give it up, it’s only a 2 hour show! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Boy Jerry Lawler’s all over this RAW tonight

    @kickoutblog Ziggler vs. Cena = good. Vickie fat jokes when she’s no longer fat = lame.

    @5CornersxSmootx #RAW #BWF King is all “Why u mad tho!?” and Punk is facepalming at the table.

    Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena

    Ziggler and Cena circle one another before locking up, and Ziggler wraps his arms around Cena and takes Cena down.  Ziggler goes for an early pin, but Cena gets out before Ziggler can even keep his shoulders down.  Cena and Ziggler lock up again, and Cena gets Ziggler in a headlock, but Ziggler gets to the ropes.  Cena backs off and watches Ziggler.  Ziggler holds his hand up and Cena goes to grab it, but Ziggler kicks him in the stomach and then attacks Cena in the corner.  Ziggler keeps his momentum, whipping Cena across the ring, but Cena counters and then hits the running bulldog on Ziggler, who rolls under the ropes.  Cena catches Ziggler’s foot that time, kicking Ziggler before hitting a fisherman suplex and going for the cover.  Ziggler kicks out, but Cena flings him across the ring, only to run right into the turnbuckle himself.  Ziggler gets up and attacks Cena.  Ziggler whips Cena across the ring, and Cena bounces off the turnbuckle.  Ziggler goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out.  Ziggler then this some hard kicks out Cena before punching him right in the face.  He does it again, knocking Cena down, and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out.  Ziggler kicks Cena hard, but Cena drops Ziggler.  Cena goes for a cover, but Ziggler kicks out at two.  Cena whips Ziggler, who bounces off the ropes and kicks Cena before going for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Ziggler locks in a hold of some kind, but Cena fights to his feet.  Cena then worms his way up and puts Ziggler up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Ziggler counters by dropping Cena face-first to the mat and then going for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Oh boy Dolph Ziggler is gonna job out like the guards did to Austin Power’s Dad in Goldmember.

    @CMPunkSays If the #WWE ran Twitter, the Fail Whale would be replaced by the Failure Turtle.

    @Niki_Sushi WWE made a bad move by having their money-maker act like a 10 year old bully. The guys may love it, but Mom’s gonna be pissed. #BWF #RAW

    We come back to Cena gaining momentum, side slamming Ziggler to the mat.  Ziggler and Cena then take each other out with clotheslines.  The ref begins the count, and both men reach their feet, Ziggler first.  Ziggler then drops Cena back to the ground, going for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Ziggler hits a dropkick to the jaw and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Ziggler went for another dropkick, but Cena avoids it.  Cena then comes back with a couple shoulder take downs and sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, which he hits.  Ziggler gets to his feet, and Cena gets Ziggler on his shoulders.  Ziggler fights out and then tries for the sleeper, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Vickie stands on the edge, distracting the ref, as Ziggler taps out.  Cena starts to celebrate when he realizes that the ref never saw it.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag, but Cena kicks out of the following cover at two.  Ziggler then undoes the cover on the turnbuckle, and the ref gets him away from it.  Ziggler grabs the Intercontinental Championship and goes to hit Cena with it, but Cena ducks it and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win.

    John Cena wins via pinfall.

    Cena gets his arm raised in victory, and then CM Punk gets in the ring and beats Cena with a chair.  Punk then calmly walks away as Cena stands up and glares after Punk.

    Coming up, the six man tag team match.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar C’mon Ziggler! First you do the Fame-asser, then you do a cocky pin?

    @TKeep123 Poor Dolph…having to defend Vickie’s honor! Could be a long night! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Niki_Sushi On the off-chance Nexus IS gone, I hope people realize the members still have contracts… #BWF #RAW

    @FrankWWEClown I’M MARKING OUT. I’M MARKING OUT. I’m a Cena fan, but I can’t stop marking out!!! My hometown boy @CMPunk just made a statement! #WWE

    @dasharpshooters Never mess with a man and his Diet Soda Cena. CM PUNK IS BACK IN ACTION! #wwe #raw

    @StrikerSays I’m expecting him to turn green and lose all his clothes except for his purple shorts.

    @HitTheRopes CM Punk has just made a bunch of folks happy and even more pissed off. #WIN

    @ThingsColeSays The Feud That Diet Soda Built: CM Punk vs. John Cena

    @kickoutblog Kick my cat, I kill your dog. Spill my diet soda, I hit you with a steel chair. #PhilosophyofPunk

    Moments ago, Josh Matthews asked CM Punk why he attacked Cena.  Punk responded with the only thing Cena understands is aggression.  Last night, he brutalized Barrett with a steel chair, and tonight, Punk just gave him a dose of his own medicine.

    Backstage, King’s getting ready for his match and is met by Sheamus.  Sheamus says that he sees King still carries around his old crown.  Unlike King, Sheamus earned his crown.  As far as Sheamus is concerned, there’s only room for one king around here.  They’ve been calling King King since 1974.  Sheamus says to spare him the history lesson, because as far as tonight is concerned, the King is dead.  Long live the King.

    Vickie says that she went out there looking for an apology, and Dolph didn’t get her one.  Dolph responds that he’s challenging Cena to  a rematch tomorrow night.  Vickie says that it’s going to be a handicapped match: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler and her.

    AWESOME!

    Alex Riley and the WWE Champion The Miz make their way to the ring for their tag team match.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi For all that talk about keeping yourself healthy… why isn’t CM Punk wearing a seat belt? #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Vickie is gonna kick Cena’s ass.

    @KeepItFiveStar Dolph, last time you did this, Daniel Bryan beat you three times.

    @TKeep123 “FELLA” in Lawler’s face…. “…I actually eRRRRNed this crown!” King vs King tonight! Hey, wheres the King of Kings? #WWE #RAW #BWF


    WWE Champion The Miz, Alex Riley, and King Sheamus vs John Morrison, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton

    The match starts out with Alex Riley and Randy Orton.  Orton doesn’t seem happy that Miz tagged in Riley right away, and he takes his rage out on Riley.  Orton drags Riley into the middle of the ring and jumps on him, his knees hitting his face.  Orton tags in Morrison, who hits Riley and sends him into the corner.  Morrison whips him into the other corner and then slams into him.  Riley is in Morrison’s corner, but tries to fight out.  Lawler is tagged in and fights against Riley before hitting a dropkick on Riley.  Riley fights back, slamming Lawler into his corner.  Riley tags Miz in and Lawler knocks Miz right off his feet.  Lawler tags in Orton, and Miz flees the ring, running in and tagging Sheamus in.  Sheamus looks like he’s not completely sure what the hell just happened, but climbs in the ring anyway.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Miz should be using The Roots version of his theme.

    @Niki_Sushi Yes, Miz is awesome. Just because you’re screaming it into the mic doesn’t mean he’s going to be waiting in your hotel room, Cole. #BWF #RAW

    @CMPunkSays You know what’s sad? Alex Riley has gained more notoriety than the guy who actually WON Season 2 of NXT.

    @TKeep123 One last time to see Jerry “drop the strap”……. I”m hopeful! #RAW #WWE #BWF

    We come back to Lawler being the one in the ring against Sheamus.  Sheamus distracts the ref and Riley gets in a cheap shot.  Sheamus goes for a cover, but Lawler kicks out at two.  Sheamus gets Lawler in an armbar, I believe, and holds him there.  Lawler fights to his feet and is met with a knee to this midsection by Sheamus.  Sheamus runs at Lawler, who moves last second and sends Sheamus shoulder first into the turnbuckle.  Morrison comes in off the tag, and starts to get a good momentum, but seems to hurt his already-injured leg and Sheamus tries to take advantage. Morrison hits his flying chuck, and goes to set up Starship Pain, but Riley distracts him.  He gets up to do it again, but Sheamus knocks him down, bouncing his head off the mat.  Miz comes in off the tag from Sheamus and immediately attacks the injured leg of Morrison.  He slams Morrison down on his knee, tagging Sheamus back in.  Sheamus locks himself around Morrison’s leg, applying pressure, before planting his knees into Morrison’s.  Morrison manages to swing Sheamus around, and Sheamus tags in Riley, who prevents Morrison from reaching his teammates.  Riley continues to go after the injured leg, slamming it against the mat.  Riley gets Morrison in the corner and delivers some hard hits.  Riley tries to get Morrison into his corner and finally gets him off the rope to do so.  Riley tags in Miz, who continues on the injured leg.  Miz goes to jump on Morrison’s leg again, but Morrison kicks Miz out of the ring.  Miz runs back in and stops Morrison before he can tag in a teammate.  Miz tags in Sheamus, who goes right back to the injured leg.  Sheamus delivers hard forearms to Morrison’s chest before going to the cover, but Morrison kicks out at two.  Sheamus gets Morrison in a hold using his leg, but Morrison uses his good leg to get out of it.  Sheamus is having none of it, however, and drops his elbow onto Morrison’s spine.  Sheamus mocks Morrison as he reaches for his teammates before dropping Morrison to the mat.

    Breaking up that huge wall of text, Sheamus gets Morrison in a half Boston crab, and Morrison tries to drag Sheamus to his corner.  Lawler distracts the ref, and Orton runs in, hitting Sheamus to get him to let go of Morrison.  Sheamus recovers quickly, however, and attacks Morrison.  Sheamus tags in Miz, and Miz misses at stopping Morrison, and Morrison tags in Orton.  Orton this a quick flurry of attacks before hitting the scoop slam.  Then, he pulls Miz into the ring and this the DDT.  He goes for a cover, but Sheamus comes in and breaks up the pin.  Morrison takes Sheamus out over the top rope, and Orton drops to his knees.  Miz has his back to Orton, but Riley comes in, taking the RKO meant for Miz.  Miz puts his boot in Orton’s face, and Orton is tagged by Lawler.  Lawler takes down the strap, and Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton comes in and hits the RKO, leaving Lawler to pin The Miz.

    Randy Orton, John Morrison, and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

    And I Quote: “The television show, Smackdown, will be live tomorrow night at 9/8 central here on the USA Network from San Antonio, Texas.  In addition to all the Smackdown superstars, RAW’s contribution will be a handicapped match.  As we heard earlier tonight, it’ll be Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero vs John Cena.  Also, just added to tomorrow night’s event, the WWE Champion, The Miz, will take on Randy Orton, live on Smackdown.”

    Miz comes in and attacks Lawler from behind.  Orton goes to set Miz up for the powerbomb, but Riley interferes and Miz flees again.  Randy flat out calls Miz a son of a bitch, by the way.  I heard it clear just now.

    Anywho.  Next Monday, I may not be watching RAW.  My brother, who has been in the Army for the past few months, is going to be here for Christmas, so I may be spending time with him.  I should be able to let you know by Monday.

    Don’t forget to vote for the RAW Tweeter of the Year!!! I’ll see you all later!!

  6. RAW 12.13.10

    6 Comments

    Hello everyone! Tonight is that special night once a year where Superstars and Divas – and now Guest Hosts/Stars? – are given that award that they all hope to attain!  A championship?! Don’t be silly!! The Slammy for… Whatever Category They’re Nominated In!! And, because someone, somewhere loves me, here are the categories and nominees!

    • SHOCKER OF THE YEAR!
      The Miz cashes in Money in the Bank and becomes the WWE Champion
      Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho in the head
      The Nexus debuts
      Paul Bearer turns on The Undertaker
    • KNUCKLEHEAD MOMENT OF THE YEAR
      Big Show unmasks a bald CM Punk
      Santino Marella gets out-danced by Vladimir Kozlov
      Beth Phoenix eliminates The Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
      Lay-Cool gets beaten by Mae Young
    • DESPICABLE ME AWARD
      CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
      Drew McIntyre faces and humiliates Teddy Long
      Kane buries The Undertaker alive
      Mr. McMahon makes truce with Bret Hart, then kicks him in the groin
    • HOLY %&^*%&* MOVE OF THE YEAR
      Kofi Kingston hits Drew McIntyre with a leg drop off ladder through announce table
      John Cena sends Batista onto a car and through the stage with two Attitude Adjustments
      Randy Orton delivers an RKO to a flying Evan Bourne
      John Morrison dives off set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz
    • GUEST STAR SHINING MOMENT OF THE YEAR
      Wayne Brady gets RKO’d by Randy Orton
      Pee-Wee Herman vs The Miz
      Mike Tyson punches out Chris Jericho
      William Shatner sings WWE Entrance Themes
    • “OH SNAP” MELTDOWN OF THE YEAR
      Big Show destroys Jack Swagger’s trophies
      Edge destroys the RAW GM’s laptop
      Alberto Del Rio injures Rey Mysterio’s arm with a steel chair
      Batista quits WWE
    • WWE MOMENT OF THE YEAR
      Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind with a lead pipe
      Edge Spears Chris Jericho through the barricade
      The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels in Michaels’ final match
      John Cena counts 1-2-3 as Orton defeats Barrett and Cena is fired from WWE

    As well as these categories, there’s also Diva of the Year and Superstar of the Year!  But, alongside the Slammys tonight, we also have to find out what Wade Barrett’s decision is concerning Nexus.  Will he rehire John Cena, or will he be outcast from the Nexus?

    However, before RAW went on the air, the following Superstars won the following awards:

    Best Performance By a Winged Specimen RAW Chicken
    Best Use of Exercise Equipment Rosa Mendes – Shake Weight
    Most Menacing Haircut Tyler Reks
    Best Family Values Kane destroying Swagger Sr. as Jack Swagger looks on
    Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup Sheamus
    The “Cole in Your Stocking Award” Daniel Bryan attacking Michael Cole on NXT
    Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application “Dashing” Cody Rhodes
    Frequent Tweeter Award Goldust
    Best WWE.Com Exclusive Show WWE NXT <-Because this needed a category…
    Most Annoying Catchphrase Zack Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo, You Know It

    David Arquette is introduced, and says that there’s no one better to kick of the Slammy Awards than him.  Arquette says that he beat Eric Bischoff, and then says that he should have won an Oscar for his role in “Ready to Rumble”.  The first category of the Slammys is the Shocker of the Year! Is it The Miz cashing in on Orton? The Nexus debuting? Paul Bearer’s turn against the Undertaker? Or, will it be Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho in the skull?

    Wade Barrett comes out and says nothing for a few minutes.  Then, he speaks and says he accepts it on behalf of the Nexus.  Of course, the Nexus wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for him.  If he wouldn’t have won NXT Season One and brought them with him, then they wouldn’t have become the most powerful group in the history of the WWE.  And speaking of power, he is the one man with the power to rehire John Cena.  Of course, the other members of Nexus have informed him that if he fails to rehire Cena, he’ll be excommunicated from the group.  That is, of course, the group he created.  He hasn’t made up his mind yet, but he will be making his decision before the night is over.  In the mean time, everyone can rest assured that Barrett will be creating many more shocking moments in the WWE.

    “Mr. Barrett, I’m going to give you the opportunity to give us yet another shocking moment in a match right now against this man.”

    Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a Big Show!

    Wade Barrett vs The Big Show

    Big Show took Wade’s Slammy, and Barrett looks upset.  Punk says that Show thinks there is chocolate under the Slammy, which is why he took it.

    Show goes for Barrett, but Barrett ducks under the rope.  And then again.  Barrett then slides out of the ring and walks around it.  The ref starts counting.  Barrett gets back in the ring at nine.  Show then fakes a hit and kicks Barrett on the stomach, then smacks him hard in the chest.  Show then goes to do it again, but Barrett pokes Show in the eye.  Barrett takes advantage and attacks the legs.  Show misses with a right hand, and Barrett continues to attack his legs.  The crowd has a Cena chant going, and Show swats Barrett away from him.  Barrett gets show on one knee, but Show gets up and is pissed, throwing Barrett all over the ring, and then out of it.  Show climbs out and smacks Barrett again.  Barrett is thrown back in the ring, and Show makes his way in as well.  Barrett rolls back out and grabs his Slammy.  Then, he proceeds to walk out of the match.

    Big Show wins by count out.

    The Superstar of the Year Nominees are Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, Edge, John Cena, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, and WWE Champion The Miz.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi ‘It’s not fair! It’s not fair!’ Bitch, this is professional wrestling, not dodgeball. #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 did I just see ANGRY MIZ girl in the crowd??? #WWE #RAW #Slammies

    Oh God. And again, the Diva of the Year will be determined in a battle royal… again.

    Kelly Kelly’s presenting Despicable Me Slammy of the Year with Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews, or whatever his name was.

    God, it’s been so long since I’ve had to listen to Kelly Kelly talk, and she still sounds disgustingly stupid.  And I agree with Tyson as he congratulates her for using more big words right now than ever in her life.  I like Tyson now.  The nominees are: Drew McIntyre humiliating Teddy Long (I want this one, just for Drew to talk to me), Kane burying the Undertaker alive, Mr. McMahon turning on Bret Hart after seeming to accept him, or CM Punk singing happy birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.

    CM PUNK!

    The crowd doesn’t seem to know whether to cheer or boo him.

    Punk says this just goes to prove that if you work hard and believe in yourself, you’ll make all your dreams come true.  People ask him why he did it, and he did what he did because Rey wronged Punk, and when people wrong him, he gets even.  Right now, there’s another individual who has wronged him, and he’s going to talk specifically to this person, so he wants them to watch their back, because he will get even.  And if you think what he did to Rey and his family was despicable, you haven’t seen anything yet.

    Kofi comes out, and Punk says that it’s his moment.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @WWEsAngel_Nef LMAO @ CM Punk #wwe #slammys Punk is fkn gold man!

    @kickoutblog Quite convenient that the Despicable Me award is one day before the movie comes out on DVD.

    @xescapeartists Did Tyson just make fun of Kelly Kelly? OMG TYSON. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. And Kelly, you suck on the microphone. kthnks.

    @redsandman99 And the Bellas STILL think Daniel Bryan is the guest host!


    Kofi Kingston and United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Ted DiBiase with Maryse

    Daniel and Dolph start out, Ziggler with Bryan in a headlock.  Bryan fights out with elbows, but Ziggler takes him down, only for Bryan to kick out of the cover.  Ziggler tags in DiBiase, who holds Bryan against the ropes, distracting the ref while Ziggler delivers a cheap shot.  DiBiase goes for two covers in a row, but Bryan kicked out.  DiBiase tags in Ziggler, who runs right in and goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick off.  Ziggler tags in DiBiase again, and kicks Bryan in the stomach.  DiBiase goes for another cover, but Bryan kicks out at two.  DiBiase gets Bryan in a headlock, and Bryan kicks out, ducking two clotheslines, and then both men running into one another in a cross body.  DiBiase rolled right out of the ring, and Bryan tags in Kingston.  Ziggler comes in, only to get a bunch of kicks to the face. Kingston Boom Drops Ziggler and then calls for the Trouble in Paradise, which connects.  Kingston goes for the cover and DiBiase just barely misses breaking the cover before the ref smacks the mat in three.

    Kofi Kingston and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan win via pinfall.

    Later to come, Sheamus and John Morrison meet one on one.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog But speaking of Despicable Me… IT’S SO FLUFFY!

    @Niki_Sushi Vickie, Bellas, Daniel, Kofi…this could only get worse if Truth came out. #BWF #RAW

    @WWEsAngel_Nef I love how everyone has a woman at ringside except Kofi. Maybe he should ask DB if he can borrow a Bella Theres enough 2 go around #bwf #wwe

    Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are going to present Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year!  Santino says that once again RAW was host to top performers in sports and entertainment.  Santino says that Kozlov was humiliated by the cast of MacGruber, and then Kozlov says the time that he destroyed Santino.  Santino apologizes, kisses his cheeks, and then steps away from an angry looking Kozlov.  The Nominees are Mike Tyson for punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman vs The Miz, Wayne Brady getting an RKO, or William Shatner singing Superstar Entrance Themes.

    Via satellite, Pee Wee says he just received word that he won.  He’s never won anything like that before and he’s overwhelmed, and he’d like to thank The Miz, Big Show (AKA Big Pee Wee), and he’s ready to come back anytime, and it’s incredible, and he’s going to burst, and thank you, and all that good stuff.

    Backstage, Barrett puts his Slammy up and is confronted by Nexus.  Otunga says they want his decision.  If he doesn’t hire Cena back, Nexus will be just fine, but Otunga can’t say the same thing for Barrett.  Taking that beating from Show didn’t look too promising for Barrett’s singles career.  Barrett thanks Otunga for opening his eyes and says he knows exactly what he has to do.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @JoeyStyles William Shatner was robbed of a Slammy

    @WWEsAngel_Nef WILLIAM SHATNER WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WWE #bwf #Slammys

    @RingsideRants That crowd could not care less about Pee Wee Herman.

    @Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville should win, just for knocking Ted on his ass. I’m just saying. #BWF #RAW

    Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes

    Rhodes can’t even get his jacket out of the ring before Henry runs after him.  Henry goes after Rhodes, and Rhodes ducks under the ropes.  Rhodes ducks a clothesline, and then is thrown across the ring, and then is hit with a clothesline.  Henry then screws with Rhodes’ face, and Rhodes goes Hulk on him.  Rhodes rips Henry and then jumps all over him, literally, and then puts him in a headlock.  Henry refuses to submit, and manages to get up to his feet.  Rhodes goes to kick him, but Henry pushes him back and then clotheslines him a few times.  Rhodes thrown into the corner, and then gets Henry’s giant ass in his stomach.  Henry goes to do it again and Rhodes hits Beautiful Disaster, then takes him down.  Rhodes then jumps off the top rope and plants his knee in Henry’s spine for the win.

    “Dashing” Cody Rhodes wins via pinfall.

    Next up is the Holy %&^*%&* Move of the Year.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi I really… really… want some kool-aid right now. HE’S DANCING MY FACE, DAMMIT! >:O #BWF #RAW

    @seraphalexiel At this point, I’m positive that a win over Mark Henry should no longer be considered an upset victory

    Jerry “The King” Lawler is presenting us with the next award!… along with Vickie Guerrero.  Don’t worry, King, you aren’t the only one upset.  King says he’s glad to see Vickie and he’s lucky to be there, because he was up all night with his pet lizard who had reptile dysfunction.  I laughed.    Vickie says Holy…. Is the exact reaction she had when Cole caused Jerry the WWE Championship.  King says that that’s probably the reaction Ziggler has when she models lingerie, or goes into the restaurant and says she’ll take it when given the menu.  Vickie says she’s lost weight, and Jerry says to look around, and she’ll find it.

    Nominees!  Morrison jumps off the set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kingston leg drops Drew off a ladder through the announce table, Cena AA’s Batista through the stage, and Randy RKO’s Evan in midair.

    John Cena!  King says hold up, because Cena is fired and can’t be there, so they’re going to accept it.

    Barrett comes out and says that he’ll take that.  If Cena wants it, he can come and get it.  The whole world is hanging on Barrett’s every word, because he’s about to decide whether or not to rehire John Cena.  Barrett says his decision is… … … … Barrett says that he’s not going to make his decision unless John Cena comes down to the ring and faces him.  The crowd starts screaming and Barrett’s eyes dart around to try to find Cena.  Cena hugs a bunch of people and high fives people and makes his way to the ring.  Barrett tells him to keep his distance, and that if Cena attacks him now, his decision will be obvious.  Barrett says that he’s thought long and hard about this decision, and it affects a lot of people: Cena, Barrett, and the Nexus.  The Nexus comes out, but John doesn’t seem scared.  Nexus surrounds the ring again.  All these long pauses of silence are getting on my nerves.  Barrett says that Cena is officially rehired… on two conditions:  1) Cena agrees to face Barrett this Sunday at TLC in a chair match, which Cena agrees to.  2) Cena gives the whole world what they’ve been waiting to see: Tonight, he goes one-on-one with David Otunga.  Otunga looks shocked, but Cena laughs and agrees to that too.  Barrett says he wants to show Cena exactly why he wanted to rehire him.  And Nexus climbs up on the apron, and Cena fights, and Nexus gangs up on him.  Barrett slides in the ring with a steel chair, and smacks Cena with it when he goes to get up.  Then again.  Barrett and Nexus leave the ring.  Welcome back, Cena.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Slipped that carpet right out from under Mr. Orange Face, now didn’t he? #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 “Paging Wade Barrett…paging Wade Barrett….you can claim your testicles at the ticket office. ” #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    Next week is WWE Week on USA!  Monday night at 9 is RAW, Tuesday night at 9 is Smackdown, LIVE, and Tribute to the Troops is Wednesday at 8!!

    David Arquette is back, with a change of clothes, to say something: he’s opening a theater at the historic Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood.  They’ll be debuting on Valentine’s Day 2011.  He wants to introduce the WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year.  This encapsulates what makes the WWE Universe so great.  Nominees: Weird Kid Reacting to Cena joining Nexus.  Loser Crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended at Wrestlemania, some Kid, and then the Angry Miz Girl.

    I officially hate her.  She thanks her dad and her sister, and-

    AWESOME

    I really hate her right now.

    Miz kneels in front of her, to a rather unimpressed face, and asks if she remembers him.  He says she looks so pretty, and compliments her Slammy. He asks if he can take a look at her Slammy, and the girl looks half dead.  He says that he should take it for safe-keeping, and then asks if she can do him a favor: show him the face, and then mocks her for the face.  He makes Riley hold it, and says that he deserves a Slammy, not a nine-year-old girl.  Nobody’s worked harder than him.  He’s held the United States, Unified Tag Team, Money in the Bank, and WWE Championships.  That’s called a Grand Slam.  He finds it amazing that tonight is the Slammys when there are still three weeks left in the year, because if you want a moment of the year, tune in this Sunday to TLC where he’ll beat Orton so bad, Orton will beg him to put him through a table.  He’ll prove why Miz is the reason they’re here tonight-

    “I decided that six days before your tables match at TLC, both you and Randy Orton are going to face former champions tonight.  And Miz, your match against a former World Champion, begins right now.”

    WWE Champion The Miz vs Rey Mysterio

    Miz and Rey go to lock up, but Miz kicks Rey, then beats him into the corner.  Miz then whips Rey across the ring, but Rey throws him out of the ring, and then sentons him outside the ring.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi It’s like taking a Slammy from a very angry 9 year old girl who would love nothing more than to beat you to death with it. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Did Miz just steal Miz Girl’s Slammy?! Hilarious.

    @HitTheRopes Where’s Kalee’s dad? Just for realism, dad should have gotten in Miz’s face. #wwe

    @TKeep123 ANGRY MIZ GIRL…..LIVE!!! ….and she WINS!! …and she still ain’t happy! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    @AngryGirlWWE I WIN! I WIN!!!!! #angrygirlwwe

    @RingsideRants Miz Girl is a better actress than Dixie Carter.

    We come back to Rey fighting and throwing Miz across the ring.  Miz went to counter one of Rey’s moves, but Rey countered that one.  Rey shoves Miz into the ropes and gets ready for the 619, but Alberto Del Rio interrupts, and Miz climbs out of the ring.  Rey slides out of the ring, but gets face planted into the apron by Miz.  Miz throws him back in and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two.  Miz dominates Rey, putting him up on the top rope, and climbing up after him.  Miz sets up a suplex, but Rey throws him off and hits a seated senton, then flies into a lateral press on Miz.  Miz shoves Rey back and then kicks him in the stomach.  Rey kicks him in the head and Miz kicks out of the pin.  Miz goes to hit him, but Rey gets a drop toe hold on Miz and goes for the 619, but Alberto is on the apron and distracts him.  Rey set s up again, but Riley distracts the ref and Alberto takes Rey down.  Miz sneaks up a cover.

    WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.

    Rey chases Alberto Del Rio down the ramp.

    “As I said earlier, both The Miz and Randy Orton will face former champions tonight.  Miz just faced Rey Mysterio and later tonight, Randy Orton will compete in a handicapped match against Alex Riley and his partner, former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette.”

    Well, way to give a match to Randy.  Because legitimately building up momentum is overrated.

    Still to come, the Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal for the Diva of the Year Slammy.  And John Morrison and Sheamus have yet another match next.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Miz Girl should do a run-in and cost Miz the match.

    @TKeep123 Is it wrong I’m looking forward to the Cross-brand DIVA Battle Royal? …Ok, and hoping for wardrobe malfunction? #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    Edge is here to give out the Slammy for the Oh SNAP! Meltdown of the Year, a category he is nominated for.  He says that it’s an honor to be out there tonight to present the Slammy and he’s pretty sure Kane was supposed to be his co-presenter tonight because he’s probably having a Meltdown of his own right now.   Right now, Edge needs a co-presenter, one he’s comfortable with, one that he knows well and has had chemistry with…

    If you close your eyes you’ll find naked truth revealed…

    I marked out right here.  I really did.  Edge asks how his pec is and Christian says it’s fine.  Christian says that he hopes Del Rio wins, because he and his Peeps haven’t forgotten what happened.  The nominees are:  Show destroying Swagger’s trophies, Alberto del Rio freaking out all over Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the RAW General Manager’s laptop (“You’ve got the crazy eyes!”), or Batista quitting the WWE.

    Edge!!

    Edge says that he appreciates the Slammy, but for Meltdown of the Year?  He doesn’t get it.  He’s always been calm and rational, but sure he may have lost his cool a few times because of a RAW General Manager who hides behind a computer, and has no guts and Christian tries to stop Edge.  Christian’s phone goes off and he says that he’s just received an email… nah, just kidding.  He is the RAW General Manager.

    Sunday, Edge will be the World Heavyweight Champion, but after all these years one thing has remained the same: Michael Cole is still a massive tool.

    King Sheamus vs John Morrison

    Sheamus shoves Morrison right into the corner, then slaps him hard, and then proceeds to just beat the hell out of Morrison.  Morrison then beats the crap out of Sheamus.  Sheamus goes right through the damn ref to get to Morrison, then Morrison gets the momentum… I don’t even know.

    Nobody wins due to double count out.

    More refs come out to try to get them apart, but the two of them are vowing death to the other, but still.

    “Sheamus, Morrison, it’s obvious this issue of yours isn’t going to be resolved tonight, so I’ve decided to raise the stakes.  Not only will the two of you will compete at TLC Sunday, but the winner will become the next Number One Contender to the WWE Championship. The winner will be the man who gets the contract that is suspended above the ring.  That’s right, the two of you will compete in a Number One Contender’s Ladder Match.”

    Sheamus yells at Cole, then grabs a ladder.  He then slams it into Morrison, who walked right the hell into it, and then climbs in the right to further beat the hell out of Morrison, and throws him out of the ring, into the ladder.

    Still to come, Randy will face Riley and Arquette, Cena and Otunga will face up.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi How do you win an award for beating up a computer? How do you win an award for puking on someone? The same way, akshully. #BWF #RAW

    @seraphalexiel Honestly, I would have preferred if Del Rio and Mysterio got the ladder match

    @RingsideRants Oh damn…. a potential Morrison-Miz title program in the works??

    @kickoutblog Christian > Edge. Always

    @WWEsAngel_Nef Why yes. Yes you are a tool Michael Cole. Edge is ftfw! #WWE #bwf #Slammys

    @TKeep123 Christian get’s a Anonymous GM message on his iPhone … ok, just kidding! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    @HitTheRopes Damn, that sh*t had to hurt! #Sheamus #Morrison #wwe

    Presenting the Slammy for Knucklehead Moment of the Year is… JTG and William Regal?  SERIOUSLY?!  I love Regal, but seriously?  With JTG?  Regal at least just shakes his head at JTG.

    Nominees: Show unmasks a bald CM Punk, Mae Young PWNS Lay-Cool, Beth Phoenix eliminates Khali via… kiss?!, and Santino Marella is out-danced by… Vladimir Kozlov?!

    Mae Young beating LayCool… But Lay Cool is totally here.  God.  Layla says she’d thank Mae Young, but they don’t get basic cable at the nursing home, and the award is Flawless.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes JTG screws up the announcement. #ReadingReadingYeahYeah

    @WWEsAngel_Nef You know JTG needs to fire that gimmick and be more Regal ish. #bwf #WWE #Slammys

    @kickoutblog A battle royal to determine Diva of the Year? Doesn’t that just determine the Diva of December 13th?

    Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal to determine Diva of the Year

    Layla, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, Maryse, Brie and Nikki Bella, Melina, Eve Torres, Diva’s Champion Natalya, Gail Kim, Kaitlyn, and Tamina?  Anyway, Kaitlyn and Rosa are eliminated first, Tamina, Bella Whore 1, Eve Torres, Bella Whore 2, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Melina (after a Glam Slam into the ropes), Layla, Beth Phoenix, Gail, Alicia Fox, and Diva’s Champion Natalya.

    Michelle McCool wins.

    “Celebrate all you want tonight, ladies, but this Sunday may be a different story.  At TLC, LayCool will meet WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya and her partner, Beth Phoenix, in the first ever Diva’s Table Match.”

    Next up, Edge takes on Jack Swagger.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog How long have they been using the “HERE COME ALL THE DIVAS!!” music? It needs to go

    @Niki_Sushi …. I think LayCool just got royally fucked. #justsayin #BWF #RAW

    @seraphalexiel Wait. Did they say Divas tag team tables match? Did I hear that right? DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?

    @TKeep123 Kaitlyn! Welcome to #RAW! Oops, bye. #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    I’m a horrible person for continuing to laugh at Kane pushing Paul Bearer off the edge of the second floor… I really am.

    You think you know me…

    Edge vs Jack Swagger

    Edge and Swagger lock up, but Swagger gets the momentum and slams Edge down to the ground.  Swagger keeps momentum over Edge, throwing Edge across the ring and into the opposite corner.  Edge, however, takes no shit, and beats Swagger, who manages to come back by dropping Edge stomach-first into his knee.  Swagger goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two.  Swagger then puts Edge in… a submission my brain isn’t providing a name for right now, but Edge fights to his feet and then eats the heel of Swagger’s boot.  Swagger goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out.  Here, Cole points out to us that TLC means Tables, Ladders, and Chairs.  Thanks Cole! :B  Edge fights off of Swagger’s shoulders and drops Swagger straight to the mat.  Edge ducks a clothesline and slams into Swagger before dropping him to the mat and going for a cover.  Swagger kicks out at two, and Edge goes to Whip him, but gets thrown to the mat, and he kicks out of Swagger’s cover at two.  Swagger runs across the ring and goes to drop on Edge, but Edge lifts his legs and Swagger tries to lock in the ankle lock, but Edge rolls over.  Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, which we haven’t seen in forever, and Edge counters out of it, dropping Swagger to the ground.  He sets up for the Spear and hits it.

    Edge wins via pinfall.

    WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage talking about David Arquette.  Miz says that he’ll be out there too.  Arquette runs up and says that he and Miz have a lot in common: they have Hollywood careers, they’re both awesome.  Riley says that Orton is dangerous and Arquette is delusional.  Miz says he has one goal in mind: To put Orton through a table.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Edge vs. Jack Swagger will be preempted for Jack Swagger vs. his t-shirt.

    @Niki_Sushi I’ve always wondered what exactly they stare off into the distance at… is there a target saying ‘LOOK HERE’? #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 Edge v. Swagger …not a bad match tonight! Edge wins! THPEAR! THPEAR! THPEAR! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    Cool Smackdown vs RAW 2011 award thing.

    WWE Moment of the Year Slammy will be presented by The Big Show!  Show walks over to get a better mic, and says that there are many legendary moments in the WWE, and here are this year’s nominees: Cena rules fairly and is fired from the WWE.  Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind during Triple H’s farewell speech.  Edge Spears Jericho through the barrier.  Shawn Michaels’ final match against The Undertaker.

    Shawn Michaels!

    Shawn couldn’t be here tonight, but he is on the Tron!!!  Shawn says he can’t give away his location for fear the WWE would try to get him to come back, and he thanks everyone for making his life worth living, and Shawn tweeted that this part was taped earlier, so it’s NOT LIVE YOU LIARS!  Shawn thanks everyone for the ride, and says that he doesn’t miss it, but misses the fans.  Hopefully, we can all see each other very soon, and says good luck!

    Later tonight, Cena takes on Otunga.  Up next, Randy Orton will get great momentum going into TLC by defeating these two nobodies in Riley and Arquette… I mean… Will have a match.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @FrankWWEClown The moment of the year HAS to be HBK/Taker. I was blessed to see it live, and I will never forget it. Brought tears to my eyes. #WWE

    @TKeep123 Birth of AUSTIN 3:16 ….. still sends a chill down my spine.. Thank you Steve Austin! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    @seraphalexiel Shawn Michaels, you were like no other. I’m happy that you’re happy. Thank you for everything

    I hear voices in my head…


    Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley and David Arquette

    Looks like Riley will start out with Orton, because he didn’t learn last week, and the two go to lock up, but Orton is obviously pissed, and he beats the hell out of Riley in the corner.  He then Whips Riley, who counters it, and then Riley is smacked to the ground.  Orton uppercuts him, then goes for the cover, but Riley kicks out at two.  Riley is then hurled around the ring, but Orton runs right into Riley’s feet.  Arquette gets tagged in and jumps on Orton, who looks at him like he’s an idiot, and then kicks him in the stomach.  Orton starts pounding the mat, and wisely tags in Riley who looks at him like he’s an idiot, but Orton drops him in a back breaker.  Orton then smashes his foot into Riley’s face.  But, Riley moves when Orton goes to drop his knee in Riley’s face, but Orton still kicks out of the cover.  Orton fights back against Riley, and then delivers a knee to Orton’s midsection as Orton goes to him.  When the ref isn’t looking, Arquette has Orton in a headlock.  Riley then walks into Orton’s fist, but then Riley runs into the clothesline.  Orton then scoop slams Riley and jerks around, chucking Riley back to the mat.  Riley gets up, Orton hits the RKO, and that’s all she wrote.

    Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

    After the match, Miz slams the Money in the Bank briefcase into Orton’s’ head, and Arquette is going to help him this time around.  Like a dumbass.  Miz gets the table set up, and gets Orton up.  Punk pretends that he has no idea what Miz is going to do, and Miz and Arquette go to double suplex Orton into the table, but Orton counters and beats Miz down.  He goes to power bomb Miz, but Arquette gets him out of it.  Miz rolls out of the ring, and Arquette is left to take the power bomb through the table.

    Coming up, John Cena takes on David Otunga.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 David Arquette….rocking Evel Kenevil ninja-style! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy

    @Niki_Sushi Tool of the Year award. Who would win? David Arquette or Michael Cole? #BWF #RAW

    Cole comes out and says that 2010 had some great quotes.  The Nominees for the And I Quote Line of the Year are from Santino, Cena, Edge… and so many others.  My favorite is Cody’s “Don’t breathe on me”.

    Seriously?  Michael Cole.  I think he’s lying.  He pulls the ‘I wasn’t expecting this’ thing and pulls out a paper.  The thanks the non-existent Cole Miners and The Miz, and the sound guys cut him off.  Good.  Anyway.  Superstar of the Year awards is next.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog “Crack binge with Amy Winehouse” and “Of course you have an email you idiot, just read it.”

    @HitTheRopes Wooo!!! @TitusNXT always makes it a win!

    @seraphalexiel “Duct tape? Are you serious?”

    @FrankWWEClown I’ll be accepting my award for “And I Quote of the Year” for….”I HATE YOU HEATH SLATER, I HATE YOU!!!” Tootin’ my own horn. 🙂 #WWE

    Teddy Long is going to present the Superstar of the Year Slammy!  The nominees are Edge, WWE Champion The Miz, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.

    John Cena.

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RUFFLES TOO!

    Cena comes out and thanks everyone for not giving up on him.  He says that this award was our award to give away and he finds it amazing that we gave it to him because up to an hour ago he didn’t have  a job.  It’s been a crazy year: he was forced to join the Nexus (only good thing being that he could pee in Barrett’s coffee), he was fired (and got to tailgate with the WWE Universe), and there’s magic on Bourbon Street.  Cena says that what happened to him was his own fault, but he is now back fulltime on RAW.  He will continue to be a man of his word.  He has gotten to each and every member of the Nexus except Otunga and Barrett.  Tonight, when Otunga steps in the ring, he doesn’t care if he brings Hasky, McG, the dude from something (AXE MURDERER!) or the chick from Wendy’s, Otunga is getting hurt.  Sunday at TLC, every ounce of frustration, misery, anger will be unleashed.  This Sunday, at TLC, we have his word: Wade Barrett will be destroyed.

    John Cena vs. David Otunga

    Barrett takes the mic and says that before the match starts, he wants to remind Cena what happened earlier, what’s going to happen tonight, and what will happen on Sunday.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Nexus attacks Cena and Barrett attacks Cena with a chair.>

    Otunga turns around and high fives Nexus, or forearm bump, or something, except Barrett.  Otunga walks down to the ring.  Fina-fuckin-lly.

    And now, like last week with Barrett, the Nexus slowly walks out on Otunga.

    Cena, however, wants to fight, so he forces Otunga into the ring and smacks Otunga Show-style., then again on the back.  Cena knees Otunga in the stomach, and chucks Otunga to the mat.  Cena Whips Otunga across the ring, then runs his shoulder into Otunga’s face.  Cena throws Otunga into the corner, then Whips him back around the ring, and Otunga finally moves.  Otunga wails on Cena, bouncing around like a ping pong ball, and then goes back to Cena.  Otunga goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out.  Otunga goes to lift Cena, but Cena drops him with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF.  Otunga taps out.

    John Cena wins via submission.

    Cena grabs a chair as Barrett walks out with a chair again.  Cena then proceeds to use that chair on Otunga.  And again. And again. And again.  Cena then drags Otunga to the middle of the ring, and then massacres Otunga with it.  Barrett seems more amused than scared, Cena.

    So, there’s the Slammys!  I have an idea in mind for something for those of you who tweet for me every week, but I have to see if it’ll work out.  Keep an eye on my Twitter, and on the BWF website, because I may post it there if I don’t wait until next week.  Thanks a lot, and I’ll be back for you next week!

  7. RAW Insert 11.22.10

    3 Comments

    Hello everyone, I’m here with a RAW Review Insert (because I don’t know what else to call it) to fill you in on what happened last night at the Amway Center, where I was in attendance!

    First off, funny story, since I saw that ThinkSoJoE mentioned this last night: We thought it was the Amway Arena too.  Turns out, the Amway Arena is closed.  So we got to Orlando a ridiculous three hours before the tickets said to show up, and walked around the Amway Arena (and got a picture of a production truck), only to see that it was closed.  We had two different sets of directions to go off of, so at least we knew where we were supposed to go.  We got there and stood in line for an eternity.  I saw someone dressed up as Hogan (who ended up up front, that bastard), and then someone dressed up as The Miz with his old ring gear, flame-decorated fedora and all.  I couldn’t get a picture of him because he walked away too fast, but it did make standing in that damn line tolerable.

    Minor Superstar Spoilers coming now.

    Justin Roberts told us that we were starting out with a match.  It was Goldust vs some guy whose name I can’t remember.  Orlando LOVES Goldust, just to let you know.  Cheered him on loud.  It was pretty damn cool.  He lost, unfortunately, but he’s… electric in person, to make a bad pun.

    King and the new guy for Superstars came out.  We all clapped and cheered a little for the new guy, but King got a standing ovation, and after he sat down, some Jerry chants.  He laughed and waved.  Pretty neat.

    Next up was Santino (who got a HUMONGOUS pop) and Vladimir Kozlov (who also got a humongous pop, but Santino’s was bigger).  I saw a couple Santino signs floating around, so that was cool.  They were up against Ryder and Primo, who were the hated enemies.  Pretty good match, and Santino is… crazier in person.  Something I learned: Zack Ryder can’t seem to keep his trunks over the very bottom portion of his ass.  I’m not sure you needed – or wanted – to know that, but there it is.  Santino and Kozlov won after a Cobra, which we continuously called for.  Made the night that much better.

    Here is where Michael Cole came out, to a series of boos and cheers, and he pointed at one Cole-hating sign and laughed, then pointed at mine, mouthed the words, and laughed too.  Apparently, he likes the whole heel-Cole thing.  He’s good at it, and seemed to be a pretty decent guy.  Justin Roberts told us here that they were going to do the pre-RAW sweep over of the crowd to get signs and what not, so that’s why Cole was there.  Then, Cole moved for the new guy.

    Usos and Henry were at it again for Superstars.  Tamina joined the Usos, but we all seemed to hate them (I like the Usos, but I really wanted to cheer, so I just stuck with what was going on.  Minor shame, but I had fun).  Mark Henry won that one, painfully, by stacking the Usos on top of one another and then just slamming his whole body weight down on top of the both of them, and then hitting the one who had been on bottom with the World’s Strongest Slam. Night night.

    Superstar spoilers over.

    Then it was time for RAW!!! We did NOT want Barrett talking.  Every time he started, we kept shutting him up.  I had to stop at one point from booing him to laugh.  I have no idea what he said, except he insulted us once, I think, and continued to look REALLY pissed off as we booed him.  The SHUT UP COLE sign you saw behind Cole when he stood up to read the email was mine. J The same one he laughed at.  It made me happy.

    During this first commercial break, we were shown WWE commercials: Knucklehead, Wrestlemania, Wrestlemania Reading Challenge, Smackdown vs RAW 2011, a Legendary, and the History of the WWE Championship were all the commercials we saw.  There was a Kiss Cam, and Josh Matthews did come out to show everyone signs.  Those were the only unique things that happened during commercials.  Otherwise, I just got to see more of the matches.

    CM Punk came out to a HUGE pop here, which is a little surprising.  We don’t care that he was a villain on Smackdown, because he provides witty commentary.   Sheamus came out to a surprisingly huge pop, and there was a green sign behind Cole that had “IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING LOBSTER HEAD” on top, a white stick figure thing of Sheamus below that, and then “TOO MANY LIMES TOO MANY LIMES” on the bottom.  If you saw it, that was me.  If not, well… fine then.  R-Truth came out to a huge pop too, and I was all confused by the What’s Up song, but I didn’t say anything.  R-Truth has run his course with me.  Got a bunch of good pictures of Sheamus, btw.  His hair’s not as red in person, but he’s just as white.  Pretty decent match, crowd was divided on who they were behind though.  Oh, and when Sheamus hit the High Cross on Truth, he bounced really, really high.  I was stuck giggling and missed the pin, but Sheamus won.

    Since the announcers plugged it here, I bought the John Cena experience.  Yeah.  I did.

    We all laughed at the backstage segments.  LayCool was booed until Natalya came on, and she was cheered so loud that I missed what she said, but that’s alright.  Randy was cheered so I missed his question, but that’s also alright.  The crowd seemed excited for the Ezekiel Jackson vs The Miz match, but I was more.

    When Alex Riley came out by himself, I wanted to punch him.  I admit I laughed at Miz having an anxiety attack (and even harder this morning when I found out that @TKeep123 anticipated I may have kidnapped him… Not this time, Fred!!), but I cheered for Alex.  Ezekiel is HUGE in person.  I think the guy’s muscles have muscles have muscles.  Good match though.

    Random note now that I’m thinking about it: To whoever kept screaming at me to put my sign down, screw you honey.  I don’t care that you can’t see.  That’s what that GIANT screen at the top of the ramp is for.  Dumbass.

    HUGE pop for Cena.  We continued to cheer for him throughout the entire time he was out there, and when he wanted us to do the “Let’s Go Cena” “Cena Sucks” thing, it was even louder in person.  I think it echoed even after he stopped it.  And @Niki_Sushi texted me practically jumping down my throat to find out what he said here, and he said that it may be bending the censors, but he was already fired, and told Barrett that karma was a bitch.  We all cheered for possibly breaking the PG barrier.  Cena chants followed him up the ring the entire time.  He also mentioned that someone may be having a heart attack that he was going over his allotted time, but we still didn’t care.  That actually made us cheer again.

    Ted and Maryse came out during the commercial to a huge pop (at least from me).  Maryse is SOO pretty in person, and Ted is gorgeous.  Gonna say that now.  Maryse walked around as Ted paced back and forth, we got another commercial (which screwed me up), and then Daniel Bryan came down with Bella Hoe #1, and got a huge pop from everyone (but me).  Pretty good match, and Ted is brutal in person.  The Bellas are almost pretty in person (I can’t stand them and they aren’t that pretty to me), and are kind of idiotic.  They went to hold the ropes apart for Bryan, but held the bottom ropes, then started for the middle one, then went back to the bottom one.  He kind of laughed at them and then went through the middle and top.  Boy, they must’ve felt like morons.

    Natalya came out to a huge pop, and I only got pictures of the back of her head.  The woman is in constant motion.  Alicia even got a bit of a pop, and her strut is… it made my hips hurt.  Never done that on TV, but did in person.  Someone, get her a doctor, please!  We all made that, “Oooh, now you gonna get it” noise when she ripped out Natalya’s hair, and I would have died had Natalya retaliated by ripping Ailcia’s off.  Good match though.  Natalya’s a strong woman.

    I have no idea what Melina and Morrison were talking about either.  But GOD, Morrison is pretty in person.  I think we were more excited about his pyrotechnics than him though, gonna be honest.  Tyson got a pretty huge pop too.  The Flying Chuck looked hella painful, and Morrison almost missed the ropes, when he jumped the corner there to hit it.  Either way, good match.

    Randy came out to a huge pop, and we were pissed when Nexus came out to jump him.  I actually think that the whole Amway Center collectively gasped and tried to warn him at the same time.  He limped backstage, then Barrett came back out and we booed.  Then, of course, Randy came back out and we cheered.  Great match, and only half of us were sitting.  Cena came out and we lost our minds, then Randy hit the RKO and we did again.  When Miz’s music hit, I was the only one who cheered, and everyone else booed.  Half the arena joined me as Miz picked up momentum, but when he hit the Skull Crushing Finale, we all cheered, though I was louder.  I was going to go home pissed if I didn’t see him (haha, no one thought that, I’m sure), but I did! And he won! And he looked like he was going to cry, and I felt so happy I thought I was gonna puke, and it was fantastic.

    Look, here’s what I’m saying: If you ever have the chance to go, DO IT! Doesn’t matter where your seats are, just go.  It was my first Live RAW, and I’m going to make it to whatever live show I can afford from now on.  It was amazing.  There was no dark main event match, but they sent me home more than happy.

    Oh, and to the upset little girl whose face was shown after, Haha sweetie.  Haha.

    And a  huge thank you to ThinkSoJoE for covering last night for me.  You did a great job!!  And steal all the images you want. 🙂 That’s what they’re there for.

  8. RAW 11.8.10

    1 Comment

    Hello everyone, and welcome to another exciting RAW review!!  Tickets for Wrestlemania 27, as well as the birthdays of both ThinkSoJoE and randomredhead are in only five days!! Let’s just say that’s a really good birthday idea…   And there’s my random plug.  So, what is it that’s going to happen this week?  More John Cena and Nexus drama, of course, but what else?  Will Daniel Bryan make someone else tap out?  Will Cole finally shut up?  Who knows?!

    Tonight, the Divas are having a Six-Diva Tag Team match they’re calling the Diva Cup, and Wade Barrett is comin’ home!!  What kind of a homecoming celebration will he get??

    John Cena is in the middle of the ring, representing Nexus, and has a giant scroll.  Old style scroll.  Pretty neat lookin, actually.  H reads that it is his distinct honor to introduce us to the man who has promised and delivered the winds of change. The leader of the most devastating, dominant, and revolutionary force to step foot in the WWE known as the Nexus.  At Survivor Series, he will be your WWE Champion.  Please welcome, making his long-awaited, triumphant return home to Manchester, England, Wade Barrett.

    We walk alone, through the unknown…


    Huh.  Josh Matthews is taking over for Jerry Lawler tonight, but Cole’s still there.  Damn it.

    Nexus is in the ring, and Barrett thanks Cena for his outstanding introduction, that he wrote.  Barrett says that the prodigal son has returned, and they cheer.  Go England.  Barrett says that there’s no better way to celebrate his upcoming championship reign than to have a preview of the celebration tonight.  Tonight, there’s going to be a big party, and all of Manchester is invited.  Before the Nexus hoists Barrett victoriously above their shoulders, there is business that he needs to take care of.  Barrett says there were a couple issues that occurred last week that he needs to look into.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Otunga brings Nexus to Smackdown and gets a Spear and a loss for Nexus.>

    Barrett tells Otunga to step forward.  He says next time Otunga undermines his authority, to take Nexus to Smackdown without his permission, make sure he’s successful.  He orders Otunga back in line, and says he’ll deal with him later.  Right now, he wants to deal with Cena.

    Last week, Cena had the opportunity on RAW to showcase what he would do at Survivor Series during Barrett’s match with Orton.  Instead, he missed the tag and ended up declaring Orton and Truth the winners.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Orton and Truth defeat Barrett and Otunga.>

    Barrett tells Cena to explain himself.  Cena says that it all started as a joke, and mentions all the stuff that happened when he was wrapping.  Barrett says that he was talking about that match and asks what happened.  Cena says they lost.  Barrett warns Cena not to test him and says that Cena’s lucky he’s in his home town, and no one will ruin his celebration.  The simple fact is, Cena is either free of Nexus or fired.  Cena either raises Barrett’s hand and awards him the WWE title, or Barrett flushes his entire WWE career down the toilet.  Cena says he’s glad Barrett’s home, glad his countrymen embrace him, and he hopes that Barrett remembers what he said last week: After that match is over, he’s going to give Barrett and anyone who interferes, the beating of a lifetime.  Barrett says Cena’s cute, and he holds Cena’s destiny in his hand, but at Survivor Series, Cena’s going to do what Barrett tells him to, but now they need to practice what will happen after the match at Survivor Series.  He wants Cena to tell the world that Wade Barrett is the new WWE Champion.  Cena says he hasn’t won anything yet, and Barrett says it’s a practice.  Cena says whatever.

    I hear voices in my head…

    Randy Orton comes out and stays on the stage, looking at Nexus.  He says last time he checked, he was still WWE Champion.  It’s true Wade has Cena under his thumb, but Barrett is fighting Orton, not Cena, and he doesn’t doubt that he can beat Barrett regardless of the referee.  Orton doesn’t care if Cena is free or fired, but he is going to make sure Orton will never have the WWE Champion.  Barrett says that last time he checked, he had an army standing behind him at his beck and call, and he doesn’t recall Orton having anyone behind him.

    And I quote: “Wade Barrett’s championship celebration preview has been officially cancelled.  Also, to insure that there is a decisive victor, the WWE title match must be won by pinfall or submission only.  Furthermore, I am officially announcing that the remaining members of Nexus will be banned from ringside.  But Wade, that’s at Survivor Series.  As for tonight, since Wade Barrett has an army behind him, Randy Orton is going to have one as well.  Team Barrett, comprised of Nexus, will take on Team Orton, in a ten man tag team match.  I, the General Manager, will personally choose the members of Orton’s team later, but I do know this: the special guest referee for this match will be John Cena.”

    Cena knocks over the Nexus podium, and then shoves Otunga as he walks up.  Cena then walks out of the ring.

    The Diva’s Cup tag match is next!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @CawCawBang and i quote shut your dirty pie hole!

    @KickStunner Orton comin out like “I’M IN THIS STORY LINE TOO YOU KNOW!”

    @TKeep123 Wade Barrett ain’t happy! <G> Cena’s doing stand-up comedy and Otunga is changing has drawers. #RAW #WWE #BWF

    @thinksojoe Cena is gold in this promo #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar LOL that was funny. I gotta admit it, Cena

    @kickoutblog Nexus has their own calligraphy? Classy!

    Diva’s Cup: Eve Torres, Nikki, and Brie Bella vs. Maryse, Tamina, and Alicia Fox

    Eve and Tamina start out, and Tamina shoves Tamina back in the corner.  She then kicks her hard in the stomach, but eve gets out of the corner and gets Tamina in there, hitting some hard kicks on Tamina before Irish Whipping her, only to get it countered, and then dropped by Tamina with a Samoan drop, going for a cover for Eve to kick out.  Tamina tags in Maryse, who goes for a cover only for Eve to kick out.  Maryse shoves Eve around the ring a little before taunting the Bellas and holding Eve in a headlock before shoving her down and doing it again.  Eve gets up to her feet, and fights out, hitting a kick to Maryse’s head.  Eve and Maryse tag in Alicia and Brie, according to the other Twin, and Alicia starts to hit something, but Brie counters for the pin, does something, then goes for another pin.  Tamina breaks it up, Eve chases her down, Maryse gets in, Nikki gets chased out of the ring by the ref, and then Maryse hits the French Kiss on Brie.  Nikki runs in and switches places, and then pins Alicia.

    Eve Torres and the Bella Twins win via pinfall.

    Nexus is backstage, and Otunga says that Cena tried to punk them.  Barrett walks up and interrupts his pep talk, and Otunga says that he was just telling everyone that they need to step it up.  Barrett says that Otunga won’t be a part of Team Barrett, but put in a singles match against Cena.  Barrett says that he wants Otunga to give it everything, and he’ll tell Cena the exact same thing.  Nexus then walks away, leaving Otunga alone.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Got talent? The only thing the Bellas have is a professional job as escorts.

    @KeepItFiveStar I hate “Twin Magic”

    @CawCawBang maryse whip her hair back and forth

    @TKeep123 Diva Match…the white shorts look like diapers! #RAW #WWE

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Natalya beats Michelle McCool to become Number One Contender for the Diva’s Championship at Survivor Series.>

    The Hart Dynasty, Tyson Kidd and David Hart Smith with Natalya vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso

    Smith and one of the Usos is in right now, Jimmy, and Smith gets a big advantage , knocking Jey out, then Jimmy right after.  Smith tags Kidd in, and Kidd jumps over the ring, hitting a hurricanrana on one of the Usos.  Kidd then throws the other one into the ring, missing an elbow drop.  The Uso in the ring shoves Kidd into the corner, and the other one is tagged in.  I can’t tell the different, could you tell?  Usos get the advantage, then tag in.  Smith looks like he’s about to walk out, and then the Usos go for another tag on Kidd, who kicks out.  Apparently Jey has a tattoo on his chest and Jimmy doesn’t.  Whichever one is in the ring keeps, Kidd over, but misses a drop on Jimmy, who is in the ring.  Jimmy tags in Jey, while Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who decided to stay.  Smith hits a belly-to-belly, and goes for a cover, only for Jey to kick out.  Smith hits the running bulldog, but Jimmy breaks up the pin.  Kidd slides between the ropes to attack Jimmy, who dishes back some pain, and then Smith has to get Jimmy off the apron.  Jey hits the splash on Smith and pins him for the win.

    Jimmy and Jey Uso win via pinfall.

    Am I the only one who started singing Mark Henry’s theme when the Uso theme hit?

    Coming up, Tea Time With Santino, featuring Sheamus.  This is amazing.  Also coming up, David Otunga will take on John Cena.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar If only every wrestler called their name out before they did stuff like the Usos “MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK!” *Splash*

    @kickoutblog The Usos? The guys who almost killed The Hart Dynasty’s career are back to finish the job once and for all?

    @thinksojoe The Usos totally ripped off the Godsmack logo #BWF

    @Niki_Sushi Goddamn. Uso’s should get a bigger crowd reaction. They have fucking SKILL, bitches.

    @TKeep123 TEA with SANTINO !!!!! “Business is about to pick up!” A little Earl Gray for Sheamus? #RAW #WWE

    Next week, WWE goes Old School on RAW, and it starts at 8 PM!! I’ll do my best to be here, so so should you!

    Matt Striker is backstage and asks Orton who he thinks the GM will pick as his partners.  Orton says he has no idea and he has to care who his partners are.  His teams had better be the best of the best.

    The Miz interrupts and says that he just heard from the GM, so he can tell Orton that one member of his team is him.  Orton doesn’t need to worry about getting the best, because right now his team is awesome.

    Slater and Gabriel are looking at their belts, Harris and McGuillicutty are talking, and Otunga comes back.  No one says anything, and Otunga says that he meant Cena, not them.  Otunga  says that he’ll show them how a leader handles stuff, and that they should all be out there, since they’re a team.  Gabriel asks if Barrett knows, and Otunga says that they shouldn’t need to ask, and they’re either Nexus or against us, and he’ll see them out there.  They don’t agree.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123 Otunga soundin ‘mighty white’ in that last scene……like Beaver Cleaver. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @thinksojoe If they don’t break out either the old RAW letters set or the neon set next week, I will be severely disappointed. #BWF

    @kickoutblog I find Nexus’ race relations to be a bit shady. I’m onto you, and I’m not fooled by the one hillbilly you kicked out of the group either!

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Ted DiBiase and Maryse crash the wedding of Goldust and Aksana, only for Ted DiBiase to save it. Confused yet? Oh, yeah, and Aksana slaps the taste out of Goldust after they’re declared married.>

    Goldust comes out, looking pretty pissed off.  Poor guy.  I like Goldust.

    Goldust vs. Ted DiBiase with Maryse

    Goldust painted tears on his face tonight.

    Ted and Goldust start out busy, DiBiase getting an advantage, only to get thrown by Goldust.  Goldust clotheslines him out of the ring, and DiBiase climbs back in, bouncing off the ropes, and right into an inverted atomic drop.  DiBiase goes to town beating on Goldust’s head, throwing Goldust around the ring.  DiBiase goes for a cover, but Goldust kicks out. Another cover, but Goldust kicks out again.  DiBiase keeps putting pressure on Goldust’s head, but Goldust fights back, and DiBiase goes for a cover, but Goldust kicks out.  DiBiase tells Maryse to go get the Million Dollar Championship, and she does.  Goldust fights back, hitting an uppercut, then the running bulldog and into a cover.  DiBiase kicks out at two, and Goldust throws Ted, who counters, and then DiBiase gets hit by a scoop slam.  Aksana comes down to the ring, and tries to take the belt, slapping Maryse and then running away with the belt.  Goldust steals a pin and starts to follow Aksana, then does follow her up the ramp.

    Goldust wins via pinfall.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar As much as I like Maryse’s heels, shes rockin some sexy boots. #allblackeverything

    @Niki_Sushi Maryse looks fucking amazing, as always. #BWF #RAW

    @CawCawBang nah the reason she isn’t coming near the commentary desk is because you’re a female replete cole

    @kickoutblog Seriously, Michael Cole is beyond unbearable.

    BRRRRRRRR SHUFFLE POO!!

    John Cena vs David Otunga

    Well then.  Otunga makes his way out to the ring, and Nexus actually makes their way down the ramp.  I am a little shocked to see them out.  I thought they’d just ditch them, but surprise!

    Oh.  Look at that.  Now they’re leaving.  I so knew it.

    Otunga takes off up the ramp, and Cena chases him down, knocking him down and then throwing him into the car on the stage.  Cena then literally runs Otunga back down to the ring, right inside.  Cena hits Otunga with a clothesline, and hits what I think was a gut wrench power bomb.  Swagger’s throwing a tantrum on Smackdown right now.  Anyway, Cena keeps an advantage over Otunga, hitting his new favorite move, the standing dropkick on Otunga, before slamming his face in the turnbuckle.  Cena then whips Otunga across the ring, but Otunga moves before he can get hit.  Otunga takes advantage, hitting Cena repeatedly.  Otunga goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out.  The crowd is screwing with me, but, whatever.  Otunga is beating the shit out of Cena, and then hits an elbow drop before going for a cover.  Cena kicks out.  Otunga steps on Cena, then misses another elbow, and Cena fights back, hitting the shoulder blocks, then setting up the Five Knuckle Shuffle..  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, but doesn’t go for the cover yet.  He grabs him and puts him in the STF.

    John Cena wins via submission.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @ThingsColeSays Holy crap, I think Mark Henry could beat David Otunga in a foot race after seeing that.

    Otunga’s in the back, icing his neck, when Barrett walks up.  Barrett says last week, he got pinned in their tag team match, and then he decided to take Nexus to Smackdown, and got pinned again. And tonight, in Barrett’s home town, Otunga embarrassed him.  Barrett’s giving Otunga a chance to redeem himself: Take Nexus back to Smackdown and have a match with Edge.  If Otunga doesn’t beat Edge, he’s done.

    Holy shit.  Santino and Vladimir Kozlov, dressed like English gentlemen, walk out.  Santino says that he and Kozlov like to blend in.  They were excited to come to the UK, and they watched the Bond movies, Austin Powers, Mr. Bean, and a bunch of others.  They think they know everything about the culture now.  He says that every time he crosses the roads he almost gets killed, and he asks everyone to drive on the other side just for him.

    Santino says that he wants to make peace with Sheamus.  He was angry, so they’re going to have an old-style classic tea party, and everything will be okay.


    Sheamus walks down to the ring, looking rather unimpressed.  Santino says hi and then shakes Sheamus’ hand, who doesn’t know proper hand-shaking etiquette, because he holds on too long.  They all sit down, and Santino says they got off on the wrong foot, and they want to be on the right foot.  Santino says that they have something, and ginger tea, which he apologizes for, and an autographed picture of Mr. T.  Sheamus says that he thinks he got Santino all wrong: he’s not bad, just misunderstood.  Sheamus knew a guy back home in Ireland who only had one friend, and just like Santino, his friend was a donkey.  Everyone in the town called him the village idiot.  Santino mistakes it to be the donkey called the village idiot.  Santino says it’s time for tea, and asks Sheamus if he takes his tea dark or milky.  And apologizes for that, saying that he’s not trying to be smart, and he’s not referring to the fact that Sheamus has no pigmentation.  And asks them not to make him angry, because Santino doesn’t like it when he’s angry.  Santino says that Sheamus has rage inside him, and it’s either because he’s been over exposed to gamma rays, or when he was growing up, he was excluded from activities with other kids because he’s a ginger.

    Santino says that they’re generous, but they aren’t helping.  Santino says he won’t exclude Sheamus from activities, and he won’t treat Sheamus like a ghost – Ooh…  Sheamus says Santino’s a funny person, and Santino had him laughing so hard he forgot why he hated him in the first place.  Santino says that he can’t remember why Sheamus hates him either.  Kozlov helpfully points out that Sheamus hates him because he beat him.  Kozlov keeps pointing it out, and Sheamus isn’t happy anymore. Kozlov thinks it’s funny anyway.

    Santino says that he doesn’t like the way Sheamus is looking at him, and pours Sheamus more tea, with a shaky hand, then all over his lap.  Santino says that he’s sorry, and Sheamus flips the table.

    “The time for tea and crumpets has come to an end.  It’s now time for action.  Clear the ring, and clear Vladimir Kozlov from ringside as well, because Santino Marella is going one on one with Sheamus.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Kozlov… you’re going to get Santino killed. And he won’t have a clue why. #BWF #RAW

    @FrankWWEClown A Kozlov chant. Only in the United Kingdom, indeed. I love it. #WWE #RAW

    @thinksojoe Gingers have no souls! #BWF

    @Niki_Sushi THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! He’s the red-headed stepchild! #BWF #RAW

    @WWEsAngel_Nef Shea-Moose looks like he’s trying so hard not to laugh xD #WWE

    @RingsideRants Kozlov has already shown more personality than ever before… and he hasn’t even talked yet.

    @TKeep123 Loving Koslov right now! “Biggest upset in Duble, duble E History…..EVER!” #WWE #RAW #BWF

    Santino Marella vs Sheamus

    Sheamus is still in the suit thing, and is trying to take the shirt off.  Sheamus is looking at Santino like he’s a tard, and Santino ducks under the rope, shrieking like a woman.  Higher than me, and I’m a soprano.  Santino rolls out of the ring and then starts to get back in, but Sheamus distracts the ref.  Santino runs into the crowd, and Sheamus starts to follow him.  Sheamus says he wants Santino in the ring.

    “Santino Marella, you have two choices.  Get back in the ring and compete, or be immediately suspended.”

    Santino asks, right now? And Sheamus motions for Santino to get into the ring.  Santino riles himself up and climbs into the ring.  He starts to go for the Cobra, but Sheamus knocks him on his back and stomps him.  You can hear Santino go ‘ow’ every time he’s hit too.  Santino continuously crawls for the ropes, but Sheamus tugs him to the middle of the ring.  Sheamus looks unimpressed at Santino’s begging, and Santino hits a low blow on Sheamus and gets disqualified.  Santino considers it a victory.

    Sheamus wins via disqualification.

    Sheamus gets up and hits the Brogue Kick on Santino.  Sheamus then proceeds to destroy Santino.  Sheamus gets Santino up, but Morrison runs into the ring and fights against Sheamus, hitting the flash kick on Sheamus and knocking him out of the ring.  Morrison drags Santino to the other side of the ring.

    Cena’s standing backstage, looking at the promo for Wrestlemania XXVII.  Barrett joined him during the little commercial.  Barrett comments on Wrestlemania, and tells Cena to imagine never being able to experience that again.  In two weeks, all Cena has to do is raise Barrett’s hand and name him the WWE Champion, and he can experience Wrestlemania all he wants.  Then, the Nexus will be nothing but a distant memory.  Tonight, Cena needs to do it right, or his career will be nothing but a distant memory.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Oooh… Santino, you fight dirty. You just opened the doors for Sheamus to rip your balls off. #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 Fear The (Below the Belt) Cobra!!!! Santino! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar John Morrison should interfere in a hat and tux also. But somehow John Morrison is gonna Parkour his way into this match shirtless.

    @kickoutblog Ever notice whenever someone says “do the right thing” in wrestling, it’s always the wrong thing?

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Second and Third Generation Superstars Stand Up For WWE.>

    I hear voices…

    WWE Champion Randy Orton, The Miz, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan, and Mark Henry vs Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel, Husky Harris, and Michael McGuillicutty

    I warn you all now.  I can’t keep up with matches with more than six people, apparently, so this isn’t going to be the best review of the match.  Besides, the good stuff doesn’t happen until the match is over anyway.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi I totally squee’gasmed over baby Cody and Ted. Hell, over all of it. That’s fuckin tradition. #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123 OK, I admit it, those private home photos of the legends rocked my boat. #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Why are Mark Henry and Orton boys. Remember when Henry destroyed him and turned face?

    @HitTheRopes Can we blow R-Truth up again, please? #wwe

    I can tell you that Bryan and Gabriel start.  So far, I’m doing good!  And I missed whatever it was Bryan did, but Gabriel ducks under Bryan and tags in McGuillicutty.  Bryan gets an advantage, and Miz tags himself in, hitting McGuillicutty from behind.  Miz gets him in the corner, and Cena pulls Miz off of him.  Hear the Miz is Awesome chants? I love it.  Miz went for a cover, but McGuillicutty kicked out.  Miz tags in Orton.  Orton proceeds to beat McGuillicutty more, telling Barrett to come in.  Instead, he tells Slater to get in.  Orton toys with Slater, tagging in Truth.  Truth beats Slater in the corner and then Irish Whips him, countering a counter-Whip, and then does his fancy shit to avoid getting hit.  Truth goes for a cover, but Gabriel breaks it up, and then everyone runs in the ring.  Team Orton clears the ring of Nexus, and Otunga makes his way out, walking down the ramp.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog I think I figured out what pisses me off about Cole. Ever since his “turn,” it feels like he’s stopped taking his job seriously.

    @KeepItFiveStar Did Orton just flex on Heath Slater to make him fall?

    @TKeep123 R Truth in the UK: “I say, what is Up?” #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @WWEsAngel_Nef I never thought I’d live to see the day when George Bush and Santino Marella would be dueling trending topics worldwide on twitter #WWE #BWF

    Order has been restored, and it’s Truth and Gabriel in the ring.  Otunga’s standing ringside, in front of the announce table.  Truth is just smacking the shit out of Gabriel, who flips over him and takes him down, going for a cover, and Truth kicks out.  Gabriel tags in Harris, and I die a little inside.  Truth fights Harris, Irish Whipping him, only for Harris to counter, and Henry is tagged in.  Harris delvers some blows to Henry, who knocks him on his ass.  Henry then lifts Harris and slams him down.  Mark Henry then goes to hit something, but misses.  Harris then flings himself into Harris, and tags in McGuillicutty who is taken down by Henry.  Henry tags in Bryan.  Bryan delivers a series of hard kicks, getting whipped into the corner, but running up the ropes.  Bryan’s really giving it to McGuillicutty, but can’t put him away.  McGuillicutty comes back, and Harris tags in, after Bryan tries to hit the LaBell Lock.  Harris knocks him out and beats him up for a bit.  Harris has Bryan by the Nexus corner and Barrett tags in.

    Bryan kicks out of a cover (just letting your eyes rest a bit).  Barrett dominates Bryan, going for another cover, only for Bryan to kick out.  Bryan fights to his feet, and Barrett plants Bryan, ending his quick defense.  Bryan kicks out at two from the cover, and Barrett tags in Gabriel, who tags in Harris, who tags in Slater.  Slater misses a run and this the corner instead.  Both men are down, and Slater knocks Miz off the rope, only for Bryan to clothesline him.  Both men struggle to make a tag, and Bryan tags in Orton and Slater tags in Barrett.  Orton plants Barrett with s coop slam, and then hits the DDT off the ropes.  Orton gets down and pounds on the mat, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Nexus doesn’t come in.  Barrett lifts Orton, who fights out, and then delivers a back breaker to Barrett.  McGuillicutty comes in, breaks it up, and Truth plants him to the ground.  Gabriel comes in and hits a super kick, Henry, hits the World’s Strongest Slam on him, then Slater and Harris come in and throw him off the ring, and then Bryan dropkicks both of them out of the ring.  Orton and Barrett get to their feet.  Barrett tries the Wasteland, Orton hits a back breaker.  Otunga manages to get Cena’s attention, and Riley attacks Orton with the briefcase, only for Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton.  Barrett pins for the win.

    Team Barrett wins via pinfall.

    Well, the Miz betrayal wasn’t expected, but it does provide an interesting question.  Will he try to cash in after Survivor Series? What’ll happen to him next week?  I’ll see you then.

  9. RAW 9.27.10

    4 Comments

    Hello, everyone!  Terribly sorry about not getting a review up for last week’s RAW, but things were really hectic.  Anyway, I’m back tonight, and you can bet there’s gonna be a review up this week!

    If you didn’t know it by now, Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion following Night of Champions!  And at Hell in a Cell this Sunday, he’s got his hands full with Sheamus in a one on one rematch for the WWE Champion.  But, this week?  He’s got his hands full with Chris Jericho as they compete.  And if Chris wins?  Well, if Chris wins, Randy Orton will give Chris a title opportunity whenever he wants it.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz didn’t tap out at Night of Champions, and Daniel Bryan pays for his win last week on RAW.>

    AWESOME

    Miz and Alex Riley get to the ring tonight, and Miz says that Daniel Bryan challenged him and Alex Riley to a tag team match.  Didn’t Bryan learn his lesson last week?  Bryan’s like the guy who wins a hundred million dollars in the lottery and thinks he’s gonna win every time he plays.  What happens every Monday night? Bryan gets embarrassed by The Miz.  And on tonight’s episode, he’s bringing a tag team partner to join in on the fun.  So, come one, come all, and join in on the beatdown!

    Daniel Bryan’s music plays, and Miz asks if that’s really his music.  Then, he asks who Daniel’s tag team partner is, and if he even has any friends.  Miz is interrupted in his catchphrase yet again by John Morrison’s music.

    United States Champion Daniel Bryan and John Morrison vs Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz and Alex Riley

    Bryan and Riley start out, with Bryan getting the momentum early.  He goes for an early cover, but Riley kicks out.  Bryan tags in Morrison, but Riley attacks back.  Morrison gets the advantage, however, and Riley drops him into the top rope.  Riley keeps the advantage over Morrison as Miz is in the ring.  Miz then drops Morrison right into the bottom rope.  Miz gets covered, but kicks out.  Miz manhandles Morrison, then backs up to have Riley come up.  Riley stomps on Morrison in the corner before the ref pulls him out.  Riley then drops Morrison and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out.  Miz gets tagged in, and hits a swinging corner clothesline on Morrison before going for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out.  Morrison goes for a tag, but when he jumps up, Miz catches him.  Miz misses a clothesline and dives for Bryan, but Miz grabs his leg and goes to pull him back, only to get a kick in the face.  Morrison finally tags Bryan in, and Miz misses a clothesline as Bryan takes out Riley and hits a dropkick on Miz.  He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two.  Bryan goes for the Labelle Lock but Miz counters with Skull Crushing Finale.  Miz pins him for the cover.

    The Miz and Alex Riley win via pinfall.

    Miz attacks Bryan after the match, but Morrison comes to his rescue, and Bryan takes out both Morrison and the Miz.  Morrison pulls Bryan off of Miz, but Bryan attacks Morrison.  Morrison attacks Bryan, then Miz goes back to attacking Bryan, and then Morrison jumps on them both.

    “I’ve decided that this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, for the first time ever, Daniel Bryan will defend the United States Championship against both John Morrison and The Miz.  But it will be defended in a match that I just invented: A Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @legendkiller515 since when was hell in the cell an important pay per view #wwe #raw #bwf

    @ _MFS_ Can King please read the emails? Cole already talks WAY too much #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar Damn Tamina. What’d the O-Zone Layer do to you?

    @kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #danielfudd

    @bethsharae Yep, Miz and Riley will win this one. I’m already calling it. Morrison has once like once or twice against Miz since they broke up. #Raw

    Divas Battle Royal for the Number One Contender for the Unified Diva’s Championship

    I see Melina, the Bellas, Eve, Gail, Jillian, Maryse, Alicia, Tamina, and Natalya.  Then LayCool comes on out to sit ringside.  I’m not even going to try to keep up with this cluster fuck.

    Natalya wins.

    Good to finally see Natalya get her chance.  Anywho, didn’t pay attention to the match.  I hate Divas Battle Royals.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Legendary comes out tomorrow. John Cena’s been everywhere promoting it.>

    Later tonight, Edge has The General Manager on The Cutting Edge.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Finally, a talented female athlete challenging for the Divas Title, are my eyes deceiving me?

    @_MFS_ Okay, so they surprised me there, a Diva with actual fucking talent actually won, good job for once #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Niki_Sushi Yeah…. Officially fucking sick of LayCool. Michelle needs to go the hell away so Layla – who has talent – can shine. Skank. #BWF #RAW

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Eve Torres and R-Truth defeated Maryse and Ted DiBiase.  Mystery message on the Titantron.>

    Maryse is backstage with Ted, upset that Eve cost her the battle royal.  Ted says he doesn’t care about the battle royal, and that she cost them the match last week.  Someone knocks on the door and slips an envelope under the door.  Maryse opens it and it reads, “Next week, you will be mine.”

    It’s a shameful thing, lobster head!! TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

    Sheamus says that we may have heard of some kind of Irish tale about two princes who had to race to get the throne of Ireland.  The first prince to put his hand on the kingdom became the new king.  As it came to a close, the younger of the two princes knew he was about to lose, so he cut off his hand and threw it at the castle.  It made him the king of Ireland.  Sheamus says he’s willing to cut off his own hand to win back the WWE Title. I don’t think that’s a good idea.  Orton has underestimated Sheamus, and Sheamus should talk to Triple H because Sheamus ended Triple H’s career.  In that cell, Sheamus is going to have the time of his life.  But, right now, he wants to call out any WWE Superstar with a set of tires to face him.  But, if they do, not only will they find out why he’s a future three-time WWE Champion, but why he’s also the fiery red hand of the WWE.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi I’m waiting for i- there it was. Fella. And I quote: VINTAGE SHEAMUS!

    @TKeep123 Mysterious “I WILL HAVE YOU” message….gotta be from GoldDust! #WWE #RAW

    @ThingsColeSays Does “fiery red hand of WWE” mean Sheamus has herpes of the hand or something? Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!

    @_MFS_ Sheamus, cutting off hands is not PG #WWE #RAW #BWF

    We come back, and Sheamus says that it’s not a surprise that no one back there is man enough to take him on.  Then, of course, the Great Khali comes out.

    Sheamus vs The Great Khali

    Khali slaps Sheamus’ chest, and Sheamus proceeds to beat Khali to the ground.  Sheamus then kicks Khali in the head and out of the ring.  Outside the ring, he proceeds to beat Khali up as the ref counts.  He takes the top off the announce table and beats Khali with it, then stealing Jerry’s chair, and then Cole’s chair.  The bell has rung at this point, but Sheamus just keeps throwing chairs.

    The Great Khali wins via disqualification.

    Sheamus then gets Khali up, but Khali pushes him into the turn buckle, but gets a Brogue Kick for his troubles.  He goes to get up, but gets another Brogue Kick.

    Up next, Edge has the RAW General Manager on the Cutting Edge!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Every week I hope The Great Khali finally made that trip back to India. And every week I’m disappointed.

    @bethsharae Dang Sheamus! One bonus of being so white, any amount of Red just glows. #Raw

    @TKeep123 WOW!!! The hand print on Sheamus’ chest is amazing!!! #WWE #RAW

    @kickoutblog If I had Khali’s hand tattooed on my chest, I’d be pissed too

    You think you know me…

    The whole podium is in the ring.  If Cole reads the whole thing, I’m going to spaz… Really hard.  I kind of wish Cole would get punched in the face.  I’d take Josh Matthews over him.

    Edge says that tonight is a first.  The RAW GM is the guest.  Edge does appreciate the GM agreeing to show up on the show.  The computer will generate a voice (thank God), to keep this person’s identity a secret.  Edge asks why he is such a spineless coward.  The GM asks why Edge is such a moron.  The GM remains anonymous to protect his identity.  If people knew who he was, it’d change everything.  Edge says that’s the worst voice ever.  He thought he was Stone Cold, the Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bob Barker, or Lindsay Lohan after another bender.  The only thing Edge knows is that whoever he is, he is a big fat liar.  The GM says seriously, Edge, you hurt his feelings.  Why do you have to hate, yo.  He tried to make peace with him, but he wants confrontation.  Why does Edge despise the GM?  Edge asks why the GM despises him, and then asks why he’s arguing with a  computer.  Edge says that’s it.  He’s gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who the GM is.  The GM says Jericho is bluffing, but the GM knows a lot of things… Like Edge’s opponent.  Right now.

    Insert Stephen Hawking laughter.

    Edge says that he doesn’t have an opponent, and he’s done talking to an overgrown Speak ‘N Spell, and he’s out.  The GM says that he does have a match tonight, because the GM has scheduled a match between Edge and this man…

    BRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER POO!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes Edge, when you start arguing with a computer, you know it’s time to leave Raw. Come back to Smackdown, yo

    @ThingsColeSays Edge is right. The state of Raw these days.

    @KeepItFiveStar Is the GM JTG? JTGM?

    @Grotessk The RAW GM is T-Pain.

    @_MFS_ It’s okay Edge, I argue with my computer at work all day too #WWE #RAW #BWF

    John Cena vs Edge

    Nexus is watching backstage.  Big surprise.

    Anyway, Cena gets the early advantage, but Edge punches that out of him.  Cena hits Edge with a drop toe-hold, but Edge kicks him out of the ring.  Cena starts to try to get back in the ring, but Edge hits a baseball slide and kicks him right back out.  Edge Irish whips Cena into the steel steps, then rolls into the ring to break the count.  I missed what happened, but I saw Cena go for an Attitude Adjustment, and Edge counter.  Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out.  Edge keeps the advantage, punching his face as the ref tries to get him to back up.  Cena begins to fight back, ducking a clothesline, hitting a flying shoulder tackle before Edge stops him.  Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Edge gets Cena in a corner, then Irish whips him across the ring.  Edge goes for a suplex, but Cena counters it with one of his own.  Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters again and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out again.  The crowd starts a “Let’s Go Cena, Let’s Go Edge” chant as Cena wakes up and starts fighting back a little more.  Cena gets up on the second rope and tries to get an Attitude Adjustment again, but Edge jumps down and hits a spear on Cena by the ropes, covering him.  Cena’s leg was under the rope, however, and Edge thinks he just won cleanly.  But, the GM hates him, so here’s the email!

    Edge wins via pinfall.

    “You need to play by the rules.  John Cena’s foot was clearly under the bottom rope.  See for yourself.  Therefore, this match will continue.”

    Told ya.

    Edge then runs back and starts punching Cena in the head.  Edge goes for the Spear again, but Cena counters with the STF.  Edge almost gets to the rope, but Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring.  Edge taps.

    John Cena wins via submission.

    Edge climbs out of the ring and starts slowly toward the computer.

    “Edge, you lost fair and square.  Don’t look at me like that.  Just walk away.”

    Edge stops, and looks at the computer again, only for the computer to ask him what he’s doing.  The computer says that Edge has the crazy eyes and he’s warning him.  Then, Edge knocks over the podium, and breaks the laptop in half, then beats it with a chair, then with his head.  Obviously, Edge is pissed.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @ThingsColeSays THAT’S WHY YOU HOOK BOTH LEGS, BOYS AND GIRLS. There’s a lesson to be learned here.

    @bethsharae ….There is not instant replay in wrestling! Go away General Manager! #WWE #Raw

    @HitTheRopes LOL, the Raw GM was injured. The #WWE had to find a way to write him out of the storyline.

    @kickoutblog “Edge… you have the crazy eyes” might be my favorite WWE line since “malignant fist.”

    @KeepItFiveStar OH NO! CHAIRSHOTS TO THE GM’S HEAD!

    @TKeep123 Edge lays the RAW SMACKDOWN on the computer GM laptop. Edge 1 : GM 0 #WWE #RAW

    @_MFS_ Yay! Dead computer! Man I wish I could do that to the crappy computers where I work! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @TeamNakedBaby Edge just killed Stephen Hawking 😀

    Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs Mark Henry and Evan Bourne

    Evan and Heath start out, Heath getting a good grip on Bourne pretty early.  He already tags in Gabriel, who goes for a cover only for Bourne to kick out.  Gabriel tags Slater back in and Slater hits a knee drop on Bourne and goes for a cover.  Slater keeps momentum over Bourne, until he misses a clothesline and Bourne hits a high knee to Slater’s face.  Slater tags in Gabriel, and Henry comes in off the tag too.  Henry proceeds to deliver some hard hits to Gabriel, and downs Slater when he tries to help, then drops Gabriel on his stomach.  Henry tags in Bourne, who is then taken out by Gabriel, after Slater takes out Henry.  Gabriel climbs to the top rope now, and attempts the 450 Splash on Bourne, who manages to avoid it.  Bourne goes to the top, and hits Air Bourne.  He goes for the cover and Slater rolls them over so Gabriel pins Bourne.

    Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.

    Nexus launches Mark Henry into the steel steps and then climb into the ring to get Evan.  Otunga delivers a clothesline to Bourne, Tarver punches him hard, Slater just takes him down with some move (his trunks are sparkly and distracting), and then Barrett lifts him up, hitting Wasteland on Bourne.  Tarver and Barrett move Bourne, and Gabriel hits a successful 450 Splash.

    Barrett gets a mic and says that Nexus has said from the very beginning that you’re either Nexus, or you’re against us.  After Hell in a Cell, Cena will no longer be “against us”, because when Barrett beats him, he will become property of Nexus.  It’s not like they need him, but Cena’s going to serve a purpose.  Cena’s going to take them to the upper something, and help them demoralize the entire WWE.  Just to show Cena that being a part of the Nexus isn’t all bad, they’ve decided that they’re going to take a little trip.  Otunga takes the mic and says that they’re invading Smackdown Friday.  Unlike RAW, they’re giving all the superstars on Smackdown a fair warning.  Tarver takes the mic and says the bad news is that they are the bad news.  None of you can stop them.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Please, please, please let us get some high flying insanity with Bourne and Gabriel.

    @TKeep123 Mark Henry becomes the World’s Strongest Yard Dart at the hands of Nexus! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @HitTheRopes Anybody else find Wade Barrett’s face eerily similar to that of a rat?

    Next week, Johnny Knoxville is the guest star.  Remembering how bad it was last time, this’ll be fun.

    The Hart Dynasty with Natalya vs The WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes for the WWE Tag Team Championship

    I admit that I like typing Dashing in front of Cody Rhodes’ name.  And that’s all I’ll say about that.  Promise.

    Tyson and Rhodes start out.  Rhodes sends Kidd out to the apron, but Kidd jumps right back in and goes for a cover, only for Rhodes to kick out.  Rhodes tags in McIntyre, and they hurl Kidd into the turnbuckle.  McIntyre gets Kidd up by his head and tags in Rhodes.  Rhodes hits Kidd, tags in McIntyre, and then Irish whips him right into McIntyre’s clothesline.  McIntyre goes for a move, but Kidd kicks him in the head.  McIntyre tags in Rhodes and Smith is tagged in too.  Smith hits Rhodes with some hard this, and then knees him in the face.  Rhodes is then dominated to the ground, Smith going for a cover only for McIntyre to interfere and then get knocked out of the ring.  The Hart Dynasty go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre pushes Kidd off early.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win.

    Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.

    Smith asks why Kidd hit him from behind, and the two argue with Natalya trying to get them to stop.  Smith walks away after shoving Kidd.

    Up next, Chris Jericho will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog Uh Cole, all wrestlers shave their legs.

    @seraphalexiel Everytime they play Cody’s song instead of Drew’s, someone kicks a puppy around. Stop puppy violence

    @TKeep123 I wonder if Cody and Drew take turns shaving each other!…. Those boys be smooth! #WWE #RAW

    @HitTheRopes Just what #WWE needs to do: break up an ACTUAL tag team. smh

    @Niki_Sushi You know you hit hard when Drew McIntyre does a Gollum Crawl to the ropes. #BWF #RAW

    Cena and Truth backstage.  Truth says no matter what happens on Sunday, truth is, he always has Cena’s back.  Cena says he knows what’s at stake, and he’s going to take Nexus out one by one.  Truth tells him to be careful, and Cena says that he’s always careful.  Truth says he’s one of the most reckless people he knows.  Cena says he is, but Nexus, since they’re going to the premiere of Smackdown on Friday, maybe he should be there, and if they run into each other, then Hell in a Cell starts early.

    Break the walls down!

    Chris says that when he wins this match tonight, he will be the number one contender, and will go on to win the WWE Championship, do you understand what he is saying to you right now?  He’ll be the first to admit that Orton is a dangerous man, but he’s  not scared.  He’s changed from the fresh upstart he was when he first started to a deranged lunatic who has done whatever he could to become champion.  He is a viper.  He thinks, strikes, and acts like a snake, whenever he wants when he hits the RKO.  But, much like Randy used to call himself the Legend Killer, Chris is going to call himself the Viper Killer, and will strike the head of the snake right here, and Orton will join the ranks of Hall of Famers and Legends who have been beaten by him.  The list starts and continues, but a commercial interrupts.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @bethsharae Did R-Truth just call Cena “Crunk”? #raw

    @KeepItFiveStar “U da moss reckless. Moss gettin crunk person. I KNOW!” – R-Truth (What??)

    @kickoutblog I write the most gettin’ crunk Raw reviews. And that’s the truth

    @HitTheRopes Every time R-Truth sets foot in front of a #WWE camera I feel the black race is set back decades “Most getting crunk person…” #facepalm

    @seraphalexiel DID THEY JUST CUT OFF JERICHO???? SOMEONE NEED TO GET FIRED

    @CawCawBang Word of the day is Crunk

    @_MFS_ Ummm interrupting someone who can actually cut a promo with commercials? Not cool #WWE, not cool at all #RAW #BWF

    We come back to Jericho’s list continuing, still.  By the way, gonna plug here.  Got Jericho’s DVD in the mail today, and it is amazing.  Worth every penny.  Trust me. Get it!

    I hear voices in my head…

    Anyway, the list is interrupted by Randy’s entrance.

    Chris Jericho vs WWE Champion Randy Orton

    Jericho starts off the match with a strong kick to Orton’s stomach.  He gets Orton in the corner and delivers some solid hits before Irish whipping Orton across the ring only to run into a clothesline.  Orton hits back at Jericho, however, dropping his knee into Jericho’s face.  He hits an uppercut on Jericho, who’s hanging out of the ring on the apron, and then climbs back in.  Jericho hits a slap on Orton to get him out of his face, and then kicks Orton right in the shoulder.  He taunts Orton, calling him a stupid man, his new favorite insult, before Orton starts hitting back again.  Orton Irish whips Jericho, who holds onto the ropes, and then is clotheslined out of the ring.  Orton walks out with him and Irish whips Jericho, who reverses, and whips Orton into the barrier.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes ARMBAR!!!!! #wwe

    @Niki_Sushi Wow…. was @IAmJericho seriously listing people off that whole time? Elephant memory he has. #BWF #RAW

    @Lagana Has WWE mentioned and promoted more TNA people tonight then TNA usually does?

    @WellYoureWrong …MOSS COVERED THREE HANDLED FAMILY GREDUNZA #1004opponents #wwe

    @legendkiller515 damn jericho is naming everyone he beat. #classic #wwe #raw #bwf

    We come back to Orton stomping on Jericho, and Sheamus walks out from behind the curtain to watch the match.  Orton sees him and pauses his methodical beat down of Jericho’s legs to stare at him.  Jericho gets to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks and Jericho hits and insagari before hitting Orton’s neck against the bottom rope after a failed cover.  Orton gets up and attempts the RKO, but Jericho counters into a backslide, only for Orton to kick out.  Jericho goes for another cover after a dropkick, but Orton kicks out.  Jericho gets Orton in a headlock.  Orton fights out of it, and runs right into a dropkick.  Jericho goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two again.  Jericho drops his knee in Orton’s face, and then goes for another cover, only for Orton to kick out again.  Jericho gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out, delivering a back breaker to Jericho.  Orton gets up and watches Jericho, taking him down with clotheslines, and a scoop slam.  He then backs Jericho into the corner and Irish whips him.  Jericho puts his foot in Orton’s face when Orton runs at him, and then misses a Lionsault.  Orton hits the backbreaker and goes for the RKO, only for Jericho to drop him.  Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and goes for a cover, only for Orton to kick out.  Jericho gets up and kicks Orton in the stomach, but Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope.  Jericho counters it and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Orton reaches for the bottom rope, however, but Jericho pulls him back to the center of the ring.  Orton reverses it and knocks Jericho out of the ring.  Jericho goes right back in, and then this the DDT from the second rope.

    Block of test is huge, so here’s a break.

    Orton drops down to his knees, and Sheamus misses a clothesline on Orton and the ref calls for the bell.  Orton then hits the DDT from the second rope on Sheamus.  Orton starts to go for a punt, but Jericho hits the Code Breaker on Orton instead.  Jericho grabs a chair and climbs back in the ring, telling Orton to get up.  Jericho says he’s gonna knock Orton’s head off, but Jericho misses with the chair and Orton hits the RKO on Jericho.  Orton then punts Jericho in the head.  Sheamus looks terrified that he actually did it, however.

    Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.  One wild RAW.  Decent lead up to Hell in a Cell, I think, so we’ll see what happens!  ‘Til next week!

  10. RAW Review 7.12.10

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    Hello, everyone!! Tonight’s RAW Review is going to be written similar to last week’s, mainly because it’s easier for me.  I should be able to bounce back next Monday.  Anywho, tonight, Randy faces Edge and John Cena goes one on seven against the Nexus!! What’ll happen!?

    We kick off RAW with a flashback of last week, where John refused to shake Wade Barrett’s hand, and how the RAW GM made the matchup for tonight.  You all remember that, right?  No? Ah, well…  Oh yeah!  I almost forgot RAW had a theme.  We haven’t seen it in a while.  Oh, and the mom from The Brady Bunch is the guest host… Whoever she is… I already forgot her name.  Oh!! It’s a six-on-one handicapped match!!  Thanks to John kicking Darren Young’s ass last week, he can’t compete.  Shame.

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCOOBY DOO!

    Cena starts by thanking the WWE Universe, then thanks the WWE Superstars who helped him last week.  It was missing a white flash, white lightning, a white kid with red hair.  Sheamus.  Eventually, Sheamus will have to remember that they’re all in this together, but Sheamus will have to realize that Sheamus is not going to be the WWE Champion, because he’s going to lose it to John in the Steel Cage Match.   Insert some Irish jokes, and then how Sheamus became WWE Champion twice.  In a Steel Cage Match, no one can interfere, which is more important.  He gets on a real roll about his match tonight when Nexus comes out, wearing… the most retarded shirts ever.  I’m just sayin’.

    Barrett says that they could go tot he ring and beat the living daylights out of him, but it’d be too easy.  So, they’re going to wait until later on when everyone can watch them.  They can do whatever they want with a clear conscience, because Cena brought it upon himself.  Cena and Barrett are about to start arguing with the GM sends an email: Mr. Cena.  Based upon your blatant disregard for my instructions, if any Superstar gets involved in the match tonight, they will be suspended for 90 days.  Futhermore, the Nexus must tag in and out tonight. If they don’t abide by that rule, they will be suspended for 90 days as well.  Barrett points out that Cena’s going to be in that ring all alone.  Cena says that he may lose, but he’s going to take a few of them down with him tonight.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi  White flash, white lightning, the pale kid with the red hair… Why not Sheamus McDonald? #BWF #RAW

    @TKeep123  Loved Cena calling them “NNNnnnnnnNNN” !! RT @Duce102694: Nexus is out w/ the ugly N Shirt #WWE #Raw

    Eve is ringside and going on commentary for the Diva’s match.

    Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim

    Actually not a bad Diva’s match… Would have been better had Alicia actually hit her intended target with her finisher, but whatever.  Eve on commentary was kind of… uninteresting, no matter how much I like Eve.

    Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox wins by pinfall.

    After the match, the RAW GM sends an email.  He said that since Alicia faked an injury last week, Eve gets another chance at the Diva’s Championship this Sunday at Money in the Bank.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @divadirt  Alicia vs Eve announced for Money in the Bank… TWO Divas matches this Sunday! OMG!

    The Hart Dynasty and Natalya vs The Usos and Tamina in a Six Person Tag Team Match

    During this match, we’re finally told about the guest host, though no one really cares.  Tyson’s getting some good momentum early in, but Tamina shoves his foot off the rope to give…. whichever one it is the advantage.  Sorry, but I didn’t hear the na- Jimmy was the one who got the advantage.  David Hart Smith gets in and snatches the momentum back for the Hart Dynasty.  He went for a cover, but Tamina pulled him off.  Then Natalya got her out of the ring.  The Usos steal the momentum back and take the win.

    The Usos and Tamina win by pinfall!

    Barrett is talking to Chris, thanking him for teaching him.  Chris congratulates him, and then is stopped by Josh, but he walks off.  Nexus then gangs up on Yoshi Tatsu, who stares at David Otunga before Otunga beats him up a little.  Tarver then hits him a few times and gets in his face for no apparent reason.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @jcenadotcom  Did anyone buy that beatdown by Nexus on Tatsu?

    It’s a new day! It’s a new generation!!

    Maryse and Ted DiBiase make their way out to the ring, and we’re reminded that Maryse helped to distract John Morrison last week so that DiBiase could steal the win.  Ted introduces them as the Million Dollar Couple, then clarifying that he’s referring to himself and the Money in the Bank briefcase.  He tells Maryse to imagine the possibilities after he wins the briefcase: he’ll shower her with gifts and will win the WWE Championship.

    Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!

    John Morrison says that he wouldn’t waste his time showering Maryse with gifts, because everyone knows the French don’t take showers.  Maryse proceeds to say something in French, and Morrison just says OK and translates it as: everyone in the arena has hippo breath and smells like dueling rhinos in the Serengeti plains.  And that Maryse herself resembles a dung chewing platypus.  She goes to slap him, he blocks, and DiBiase attacks Morrison.  DiBiase went for Dream Street, but Morrison countered.  he beats on DiBiase for a minute and then goes for Starship Pain, only for Maryse to pull DiBiase out of the way.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123  OK, I have to admit that Dibiase DID trade UP with Virgil Version 2. #wwe #RAW #BWF

    @kickoutblog   New rule: you can’t hate John Cena for his silly promos and then cheer for John Morrison after that. http://bit.ly/RAW71210

    Oh, God.  We come back for some retarded Brady Bunch sort of segment with Santino and Regal both looking for tag team partners… Santino’s squares are Kozlov, Khali, and Goldust.  Regal’s are Ryder, Primo, and a Doink wannabe.  And there’s the mom from Brady Bunch.  She gives Santino an apple pie (FLORENCE HENDERSON! That’s her name).  Santino makes some dumb joke and canned laughter is given.  She asks if Santino’s team is ready, and he says yes.  More bad jokes and canned laughter, and Regal comes in with the most intelligent comment of the night: I just want to let you know how utterly ridiculous this is.  Regal says that he’d go to her for advice on how to raise six annoying children, and he’d go to the Partridge family for other advice.  She slaps Regal and shoves him out.  Santino goes for a kiss and she stops him, heading out.

    OH YEAH!!! Miz booted Truth out of the Money in the Bank PayPerView!!!  Who’s going to take his place?  We find out tonight!!!  We get a flashback to Wrestlemania 21 in 2005 where Edge won the first ever Money in the Bank match.  And then to ten months later, at Revolution 2006, where Edge cashed it in against John Cena to get the WWE Championship.  Next up, Randy Orton faces Edge!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @_UncleDave  Whats the purpose of a raw guest host, seriously? Oh yea, to help save a career of a z-list star. #raw

    @dasharpshooters   Edge trying to make Lohan weight? That dude looks bony as hell. #wwe #raw

    You think you know me…

    Edge vs Randy Orton

    I love both Edge and Randy… So I’m seriously hoping this is a great match.  Because I need something to wipe out that damn Brady Bunch segment…  At any rate, Edge gets early momentum, which immediately goes to Randy.  Randy holds tight to that momentum, beating  on Edge before going to the cover, only for Edge to kick out at two.  Randy keeps it for a good while until he throws Edge back into the ring and Edge greets him with a boot to the face.  Edge looked like he was setting up for a spear, then lookled like he was setting up a punt, then just kicked him in the head… went for another, but Randy countered with a scoop slam and started to get the momentum back, but Edge snatched it by throwing Randy between the top and middle ropes.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    (Just ’cause it made me laugh…)
    @ThingsColeSays  BREAKING… WWE has signed Paul Heyman to be the 8th man in the Raw MITB match, just to keep him away from TNA.

    @AustinH_24seven   Randy Orton: 50% tattoos, 50% RAGE #WWE

    We come back, and Randy seems to have gotten some momentum back anyway.  Edge hits him with a drop toe hold though and beats on Randy for a minute before putting him in a head lock.  Randy seemed to be about to go out there, but countered and dropped Edge to the mat.  Randy grabs the momentum back and hits a scoop slam.  The ref tells Randy to get Edge back in the ring, but Edge manages to counter and attacks Randy.  He goes for a cover, but Randy kicks out a two.  Edge sets up for a Spear, but Randy kicks him and goes down, prepping for the RKO.  Edge counters, goes for Spear, Randy jumps over him, covers Edge, Edge kicks out, and Randy hits a back breaker.  Randy drops and starts pounding on the mat only for Jericho to come out and distract Randy.  Edge takes advantage and pins Randy for the win.

    Edge wins va pinfall.

    Jericho climbs into the ring after the match and hits Edge with a Code breaker, Randy hits Jericho with an RKO, and Evan comes out to beat on Randy.  Evan goes for Airbourne, but Randy hits the RKO in mid air.

    Skip Sheffield is walking, and Josh Matthews stops him to talk about Nexus showing up on NXT tomorrow night, asking if they’re going to focus on the pros, rookies, or both.  Morrison gets shoved or something, I missed it, and then Nexus surrounds Morrison.  Morrison attacks, but Nexus gets the upper hand and throws Morrison into some doors.  All of Nexus gangs up on Morrison and throws him into one of those big boxes that the Spirit Squad got thrown into back in the day- Wait, what’s that?  A Glee reference?  Says who?!  Dolph?  Oh, fine.  Anyway, they all stand over him as the camera fades.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @TKeep123  Evan Bourn will think twice about another run-in on Randy Orton! Pretty amazing! #WWE #RAW

    @Niki_Sushi  When Randy Fucking Orton RKO’s Evan Bourne mid-Air Bourne, you KNOW you’re fucked. #WWE #BWF

    @ChrisC06   I would get beaten up by the Nexus for laughing at David Otunga’s spray-on hairdo. #WWE #Raw

    @shot_of_flair   My entire first page on my twitter feed just proved to me that huge boners were had with the SSP-RKO reversal. #WWE

    @TKeep123  Orton’s RKO on Evan ranks up there with Jericho’s Codebreaker as a counter to both CMPunk & Mysterio coming off the ropes. #wwe #RAW #bwf

    AWESOME!!

    The Miz makes his way to the ring with a mic. My favorite part of the night.  He mentions how everyone is talking about how they’re going to win Money in the Bank.  Well, talk is cheap.  We get a flashback to last week when Miz brutally attacked Truth (Did I say brutally?  I meant beautifully…).  He says that he’s never been more serious in his life.  And he took out Truth with his bare hands, not a ladder.  He didn’t just take away his ability to compete, he took away his ability to play catch with his son, his ability to entertain.  Let’s face it, wherever Truth is, he’s not dancing. This Sunday, when Miz has the ladder in his hands, what he did to Truth will pale in comparison to what he’s going to do to his other opponents.  One down, six to go.  Because he’s The Miz and he just got interrupted by the GM, that bastard!!!  Cole asks if he can have everyone’s attention, and they all scream no.  The GM Says: The Miz will now compete against R-Truth’s replacement.  See, there’s an old saying: Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

    Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked… somebody’s gonna get their weave split.

    The United States Champion The Miz vs Mark Henry

    I have to admit, I’m disappointed.  I wish Mark Henry would split Alicia’s weave…  Anyway, Miz goes for Henry pretty enthusiastically, but Henry is having none of it.  Henry goes for outside of the ring, but Miz moves last second only for Henry to run into the podium with the laptop to communicate with the GM of RAW.  Miz throws a basket of some kind on him, then dumps trash all over Mark and throws the trash can at him.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @dreamsinstatic   R-Truth replaced by the Kool Aid man. Oh YEAH! #WWE

    @Seanfranchise6  RAW MITB Match will be a FAIL cause MIZARK is in it.

    @Niki_Sushi  So…. in a round-about way… did Mark Henry just kill RAW’s GM? #RAW #BWF

    @B_alpha_male   The ‘Worlds strongest man’ just got taken out by rubber trash cans. #WWE #RAW

    Dear God… Alright, now we’re going to see Florence Henderson out here as the Special Guest Ring Announcer.  She says she’s feeling groovy, and NO I AM NOT FEELING GROOVY.

    The Regal Bunch: William Regal, Zack Ryder, Primo, and Doink the Clown vs The Santino Bunch: Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Goldust, and the Great Khali in an 8-Man Tag Team Match

    Okay, so… Flo stole Regal’s cloak, Santino finally hit the frigging Cobra, and Doink was tagged in.  Doink uses a squirt gun to spray Khali, but Khali didn’t like it much, and pins Doink for the win after a smack to the head.

    The Santino Bunch win via pinfall!

    The music stops and Santino goes over to Flo again, but she ducks under him and goes to Khali.  they kiss, and Santino is heartbroken…  And I just threw up a little in my mouth… Khali picks her up and they kiss more, and I die a little inside….

    @TKeep123  Ok, this Bradey Bunch tag match has potential to be a Royal mess…. Doink? Reminiscent of The Oddities. #wwe #raw #BWF

    @aemckay   Khali, you smoothie. Florence Henderson, you slut. #WWE #RAW

    The Money in the Bank line up: Smackdown: Matt Hardy, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, The Big Show, Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, Christian, and Kane.  RAW: United States Champion The Miz, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Edge, John Morrison, Ted DiBiase, Evan Bourne, and Chris Jericho.

    Josh talks to Edge about how psycho Edge basically is.  Edge says that he has a voice that talks to him and what not… I had this part typed out, but my computer decided to delete it.  Evan’s with a trainer, and Sheamus shows up.  He asks if the RKO messed Evan up, and then Nexus shows up.  Sheamus looks nervous and says that Bourne was bragging about how he helped jump them last week.  Insert Nexus beating up Bourne now.  Sheamus kneels next to Bourne and says that that’ll teach him a lesson, won’t it, fella?  Nexus comes back and looks at Sheamus.  They start after Sheamus, but Sheamus runs, and asks where Cena’s locker room is before taking off again.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @iwcmvp   Josh Matthews is the leader of The Nexus #WWE

    Nexus vs John Cena in a Six-on-One Handicapped Match

    Reminder: If anyone helps Cena, they’re suspended for 90 days.  If Nexus doesn’t tag in and out, then they’re suspended for 90 days.  It starts with Cena tearing Tarver up.  Tarver tags in Justin Gabriel.  Gabriel rolls over to tag in Skip Sheffield after taking a slight beating from Cena.  Cena and Sheffield are having a match of strength before Sheffield shoves Cena into the corner.  Cena manages to wiggle out before Nexus all get out of the ring and huddle up for a minute to rethink their strategy.  The ref is yelling at them to get back up on the apron.  While the ref is distracted, Heath Slater attacks him from behind, and Sheffield beats on Cena., throwing Cena into his corner.  Slater is tagged in, keeping Cena in the corner as Nexus beats up on Cena while Slater distracts the ref.  Slater keeps hitting Cena pretty hard with some suplexes before tagging in David Otunga.  Cena fights back and manages to get some hits in on other members of Nexus before Otunga gets him again, suplexing Cena.  Cena manages to drop Otunga, and then Wade Barrett is tagged in.  It looks like John was saving his energy for Barrett, but Barrett hits Cena with a boot to the face.  He got Cena up in a Fireman’s Carry, but Cena got out, beating on Barrett with some shoulder take downs before hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Barrett.  Sheffiled tags himself in as Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Barrett.  Sheffield hits that clothesline, then tags in Otunga.  Otunga hits Cena, then tags in Gabriel, who pulls Cena closer to the corner and hits the 450 Splash, and goes for the cover for the win.

    The Nexus wins via pinfall.

    Nexus celebrates in the ring afterward, and Barrett makes them all back off.  Cena uses Barrett to stand up before punching Barrett and running for a chair.  He takes out Slater and runs into the ring.  Nexus scatters outside of the ring and gets Slater.  Barrett pulls them all back together to strategize, and they surround the ring again.  Cena’s bleeding here, by the way.  Nexus surrounds the ring, but Sheamus comes in with a chair too, losing it in his hurry to beat on Nexus.  Cena and Sheamus clear the ring with their chairs, finally working in unison.

    Not a bad show tonight, overall.  Guys, next week, use the #BWF hashtag in your tweets so that I can put you in the RAW review, alright? Thanks!!