To think, this is where it all started, just over five years ago, as I demanded to know where my cut of Vince McMahon’s money was. Yes, the first real article was about an episode of RAW where you could “Win Vince McMahon’s Money.” Remember that? Seemed like longer ago that all that happened, but it seems like yesterday that I launched this site. Here I am five years later, and we’re talking about RAW and Vince McMahon again. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
Since I’m past the date of due, I decided after watching Impact Wrestling a day late to just run through what I liked and what really irritated the hell out of me. Why you ask? Because after treading around for hours for a site to view it from I watched what could be only described as a shitty attempt at booking and story. The backstage segments felt just sadly inserted into the show where it looked as if Steve Borden (Sting minus makeup) Ninja vanished into a locker room only after seconds earlier talking to Matt Morgan and Crimson and convincing them to take on Mexican America. And lets not forget watching James Storm trek through the back looking for his assailant in one asinine confrontation after another.
Lurking like a ninja in the dark.
But before I spill all my guts about this travesty lets look at how the show starts.
Show opens with Turning Point main event between Roode and Styles in which Roode wins via heel win. (For those not in the know he rolled up AJ and held the tights.) Roode comes out talking down to the rest of Fortune. Making sure everyone knows he was the leader and carried the rest of the group, but that now he had to scrap them off his boots. He tells Storm that he needs to get out of his shadow which of course prompts Storm to come out he makes the obligatory comments about being a redneck cowboy and calling Roode a jackass and a dumbass in the same sentence. Not making that up. Making his way to the ring security intervenes. Skipping ahead AJ comes out and attacks Bobby. Later after Sting comes out and makes a 30 minute Iron Man Match; Roode attacks Dixie and eventually Styles again who comes to the rescue before security separates him from the owner of the company.
Where is security when the owner of the company is being assaulted? They came quick for Storm but not for Dixie? Anyway this does very little for Roode’s heel heat which would actually have worked with a simple “Roode attacked Storm to get out of facing him for a second time” But no. We have the Cowboy come out and accuse Roode only to be told by his two faced former partner that oh no I didn’t attack you. And he buys it. Its good to know that Pritchard is filtering Russo to such wonderful success.
And another thing what is up with the in ring brawl with security who for some reason can’t seem to successfully separate people. Gives me migraines of Hardy/Jarrett.
Sting confronts Roode for shoving Dixie. Roode who now goes from Balboa back to his money heel promises to have his lawyer(s) plural sue Sting if he touches him. Consistency is a wonderful lost art.
Devon (who is out of shape and obviously going to job for the television title)- ugh- His kids and the Pope all come to the ring like a wonderful same sex couple. Because Devon’s wife has all but vanished ninja style. But I digress they are all coming to give cannon fodder to Robbie E and Rob Terry, I’m having flashbacks to Disco Inferno and not in a good way. Long story short Devon dominates before the Pope is knocked out by Rob T, leading to Devon’s kids coming to his aid. This of course distracts Devon who is rolled up and losses the match.
And I thought Pritchard killed this story.
Tag Match with Austin Aries (who is one of the bright spots of Impact) Kash vs Sorenson (who is slowly forming a personality??!!) With Kendrick who could of easily been replaced by Xima Ion very easily. Typical heel disruption causes Kash to eat a crossroads for the faces to win.
Aries leaves and the match loses 50 cool points which is the only cool points it had to begin with.
Karen gives Gail the night off. Sends brown nose Madison out to take care of Velvet. Pointless Storm search leads to Anderson who is playing Madden when he should be playing a new TNA Impact game if we ever get one on par with WWE’ 12. Any who pointless stare down and posturing leads to Storm unplugging the game.
10 woman Knockout Elimination match-Velvet who is out first faces Rosita. Bell rings and 5 seconds later Sky hits the impact buster for the pin. Next its Tessmacher who gets a bull dog and waltzes out 3 minutes later. Angelina follows she pins Velvet with trunk assistance. Love gets taken out by Mickie James shortly after. Mickie then faces…Sarita, boy this should be a good match especially after she reverses the implant ddt but a minute later she is taken down with what looks like a funky version of a implant ddt. Next is Tara but a couple minutes later she is out with a DDT. Winter’s next, spin kick and out. ODB comes out and gets a solid reaction from the crowd. After some scuffle she is taken down with a top rope lou thesz press. After a tantrum where she takes out Mickie with an F5 maneuver which lays out James. Madison comes to the ring to crickets taking her time and I do mean she goes at a turtle pace before sliding into the ring for the pin only to be rolled up. Mickie wins. Yeah this was sad filler.
Sarita versus Mickie; Sarita in the main event; The whole damn match!
At this point I start to tune out as I see Storm confront Bully Ray who tries to get him into Immortal. Jeff Hardy has a confrontation with the Jarretts (specifically Karen Jarrett) which drags on way to long to be entertaining. Karen who looked so lost before and after Jeff Jarrett entered the ring is just a sign that she needs to be taken off television or put into OVW to sharpen her skills.
Where sub par talent goes.....to hopefully never return
So the makeshift tag team of Crimson Blueprint takes down Mexican America after only one night together while Ink INC with the addition of Von Erie aka Toxxin could not do. Bullsh…….
Garrett beats Gunner with a Mickie style DDT. That was the main event by the way.
Finally we have Storm. Who came out to accuse AJ of attacking him, seen as he has now been given two shots against Roode. Fight breaks out before Kazarian comes to the ring to break it up. Because that is all Kaz can do is break up bitch fights with team mates instead of the feud he should of had with Jarrett. But I digress again because who knows what is going on back in the writing room.
When Kaz meets a storyline
Kurt who was lurking under the ring comes out as Storm leaves. He attacks and shoves Storm back into the ring admitting it was him. This of course is followed by that crappy Impact Music of Doom. And I vomited.
What’s up, fellow Bored Wrestling Fans! This Monday night, yours truly will be at the HSBC Arena for RAW! Will I be watching the show that proves to be the dominant brand in sports entertainment, or will I be on the loser show? Also, will John Cena be on RAW this Monday? These questions will be answered tomorrow night at WWE Bragging Rights. Here’s what the BWF staff had to say about each match.
WWE Championship Iron Man Match: John Cena vs. Randy Orton (c)
JT: As much as Cen need a change of scenery and him going to Smackdown would be a goog thing, I just don’t see it happening just yet. Cena wins.
Drowgoddess: Cena wins. I would like to be pleasantly surprised with this, as I’m a huge fan of the “60-Minute Iron Man” match, but I just don’t know if these two can go that long without a lot of stalling and padding.
RYTMAN: Orton beats Cena (w/screwjob finish.) Cena to Smackdown.
The Green Teabagger: Cena wins the WWE Title back (yeah, I know).
ThinkSoJoE: I think moving to SmackDown would be beneficial for Cena at this point in his career, though as much as I’d love to attend a Cena-free RAW on Monday, my head tells me it’s not happening. Cena is arguably the biggest star in the company, and will most likely stay on the flagship show. Cena wins.
World Heavyweight Championship Fatal Four Way: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista vs. The Undertaker (c)
JT: Ugh, this shoud Punk’s one on one match, not a fatal four way. Having said that, I’m going with Punk with the surprise win here, forwarding the upcoming Batista heel turn.
Drowgoddess: A Punk win would please me greatly. The odds are so stacked against him that a sneaky, stolen win would be a surprise. That said, I think they’ll have Taker retain.
RYTMAN: Undertaker retains, Batista gets pissed.
The Green Teabagger: Punk wins his belt back.
ThinkSoJoE: Mysterio will somehow cost Batista the win here, but I can’t see Mysterio winning the title either. I think it’s too soon for him to lose it, so I’d say Taker retains.
SmackDown vs. RAW: The Miz vs. John Morrison
JT: A loss by Morrison here won’t hurt him but willdo wonders for The Miz. The Miz Wins
Drowgoddess: The real winner here is the audience. I honestly don’t know that I care who wins this match, I’d be happy with either one. For the sake of a good story, I’ll pick the Miz.
RYTMAN: Morrison beats Miz.
The Green Teabagger: Shawn Michaels beats Marty Jannetty John Morrison beats The Miz
ThinkSoJoE: Because of the chemistry these two have, both as partners and opponents, and because there was no real feud between the two following The Miz dropping Morrison on RAW when he got drafted, The Miz is going to win this one. Morrison will eventually get his rematch – and his revenge. I’m calling it – Miz vs. Morrison at WM26.
14 Man SmackDown vs. RAW tag team match – Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, and The Hart Dynasty vs. DX, The Big Show, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, and Mark Henry.
JT: With the changes being made to this match at the last minute leads me more to believe that Team RAW wins here, at least with the original team there was potential for an upset.
Drowgoddess: Despite the changes to the “Smackdown” team, I’m pretty sure that the RAW team is winning here.
RYTMAN: Team Raw buries team Smackdown.
The Green Teabagger: D-X beats Smackdown when Big Show “betrays” Raw and D-X overcomes it. The other five members of the Raw team will be beaten up either way, and no one will remember that they won too.
ThinkSoJoE: Given that all of Team SmackDown, other than captains Jericho and Kane of course, actually lost their qualifying matches to get into this match, and that DX is captaining the other team, yeah, it’s unanimous – all of BWF are picking Team RAW.
6 Diva SmackDown vs. RAW tag team match – Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, & Natalya vs. Melina, Gail Kim, & Kelly Kelly
JT: Since the 14 man match will be the decider matchup and I picked the Miz, I’ll go with the Smackdown Divas here.
Drowgoddess: I can’t stand McCool, but I love Beth Phoenix and Natalya, and want to see them win. That said, I’m thinking Melina, Gail, and Kelly get the actual victory when Beth breaks McCool in half.
RYTMAN: I think Divas match is McCool vs. Melina. I’ll say Melina. (Note: RYTMAN got this to me before the match was officially announced)
The Green Teabagger: I don’t give a damn. If there is any justice, Beth Phoenix will just go apeshit and tear everyone apart. Hell, Smackdown wins this one.
ThinkSoJoE: There is no way in hell that the RAW Divas should be able to win this with Beth Phoenix and Natalya on Team SmackDown. But of course, if The Miz is going to win his match, Team RAW has to win this one to make it seem like RAW is still the dominant brand.
Thanks for visiting us here at BoredWrestlingFan.com today, come back tomorrow for an all new Random Randomness, as well as Bragging Rights coverage!
Well, well, well look at what we have here another wwk gone by and now another week of you all reading my thoughts as we come closer to the 1 year anniversary of this very article. So without further ado, whether you cross the line, get extreme, put up with RAW or layeth the Smackdown, lets get this show on the road: (more…)
