“No Surrender” 2009
Leave a CommentGreetings, all!
Greetings, all!
It’s line-crossing time!!!
WELCOME TO iMPACT! ThinkSoJoE here, covering the earlygoing of this week’s episode, where we’ll see Dixie Carter on television for the first time! The Empress of iMPACT will be along shortly, but I’ve got the opening segment. Ready kids? Time to CROSS THE LINE!
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Previously: Kurt Angle has had his problems with Kurt Angle and the Knockouts get their own tag division
“Mind Games”
Lauren meets up with Sting and AJ Styles as they pull up to the arena, and she asks AJ about his retirement announcement last week. He says he’s got his gear. Sting says TNA is growing up. Kyp James asks if Sting needs him to park his car. Sting says he doesn’t have to. Kyp says he used to have a car like that. Lauren asks him when. He says when he was over.
TNA Intro/Pyro
Dixie Carter will be joined by Bobby Lashley, and AJ Styles makes his return to the ring in our main event. Mike Tenay, Taz, and Daniels are ringside, and Daniels says he just wanted a good seat as the X-Division Champion is in action.
The following contest is set for one fall – introducing first, SUICIDE! His opponent, representing the Nation of Violence, the TNA X-Division Champion, The Samoan Submission Machine, Samoa Joe!
Match #1: Samoa Joe vs. Suicide goes to a no contest
Suicide has some unique offense – and I say this because I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to one of his matches. The Pope, D’Angelo Dinero hits the ring in the middle of the match, and all hell breaks loose, as this match ends in a no contest.
Earl Hebner apparently has booking authority in TNA, because he makes a match for later tonight pitting Suicide and Daniels against Samoa Joe and D’Angelo Dinero
Lauren is standing by with Eric Young. Last week, Young interrupted a Hernandez interview. Does he really think there’s a chance Hernandez joins the World Elite? Young says there’s no chance. No possibility – but there is a guarantee. He’s a foreigner to these people, just like Eric Young is. Tonight, Young will open Hernandez’s eyes.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
TNA is doing the stupid “Did you Know” things now – but they’re calling it “For The Record.”
The World Elite is in the ring, and Eric Young has a microphone. He’s going to hand it to Bashir, since he’s got something to say to the American public. The fans chant “USA,” despite the fact that Bashir is from Detroit. He takes off his headgear to eliminate any pre-conceived notions of him, and he’d like to talk about the War in Iraq. May 3, 2003, George Bush goes over and says “Mission Accomplished.” Six years later, if we’re no longer at war, than what is killing hundreds of his brothers and sisters every day? Innocent men and women, innocent children. It’s a world we know nothing about. We don’t want to stop terrorism. We’re junkies, addicts for their oil. We’re jonesing for our cars to be bigger. Our blood is itching for our country to be the richest in the world again. We all know it. Bashir thanks us for our time.
Eric Young says he wants to talk about somebody who’s handcuffed – handcuffed by his corrupt morals. He wants to talk about Hernandez.
Young doesn’t have to wait long – SuperMex makes his way to the ring, microphone in hand. Hernandez says that if Young has something to say, he can say it to his face. Young says he wouldn’t have it any other way, brother. How many times has Hernandez come down draped in the colors of Mexico? Did they honor that? Did they respect that? These people will never respect him. He’ll never be treated as an equal. To the fans, he’s always going to be a foreigner. They’ll stereotype him and view him like they’ve always viewed him – like a common criminal, a street thug, a good for nothing thief. Is that what Hernandez is about? Young knows it’s not, so he needs to come home. The fans chant “Kick his ass.” Young says to come home and be elite. He needs to join the World Elite. Hernandez says he is home. The fans are his family, and they want Young to understand one thing – this is our country. You either love it, or don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Young stands there with a stupid smirk on his face.
Backstage, Lauren interviews Sharmell and Tracy, who will be facing Kong and Saeed in the first round. The Main Event Mafia representatives are elite females in the wrestling radio – they’re not only going to win tonight, they’ll roll all over Kong and Saeed’s fat asses.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Your Empress of “Impact” has returned! Many thanks to ThinkSoJoe for covering the start of the show for me.
To the back! Lauren tries to talk about the Knockoputs tag team match coming up, but Alex Shelley focuses the camera on her breasts instead. Dr. Stevie approaches, and tells the MCMG that if they want to get serious, he’ll pay them $50,000 cash to end Abyss’s career. The Guns accept. Lauren is appalled.
Traci and Sharmell vs. Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed: This was the first round of the Knockouts Tag Team tournament. Saeed dominated early on, and though Traci does most of the work for the MEM team, both she and Sharmell avoid Kong. Kong tags in and levels Traci with several clotheslines. Kong hits Traci with a splash from the second rope, and goes for the pin, but Sharmell breaks up the count. Kong goes after Sharmell, but Saeed tags herself in, and covers the still-prone Traci. Kong and Saeed get the win, and advance in the tournament.
Video recap of the Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan situation.
Matt Morgan enters the MEM locker room alone (well, with JB). The rest of the MEM, particularly Booker, start yelling at him, but Morgan and Angle argue over experience in the business. Morgan asks if Angle plans to team him up with Booker and Steiner to teach him another lesson, and Angle concurs. Morgan asks if Dixie Carter approved of it. Angle says yes, that he talked to her earlier. Morgan points out that Carter is present tonight, and talks up a four-way World Heavyweight title match involving himself, Angle, and two others. Morgan will have Angle’s back, just like Angle had Morgan’s at “Hard Justice” and on last week’s show. Morgan hugs Angle and calls him “little buddy” before leaving. Morgan was awesome here!
Video package of Rhino and Jesse Neal in training.
Rhino vs. Jesse Neal:Rhino tries to shake hands with Jesse Neal, but kicks him in the gut and drives him into the corner with a barrage of punches and forearms. Rhino completely dominates Neal, choking him in th eropes and kicking him in the head, but Neal kicks out at two. Rhino hits a big spinebuster, and gets the three-count. Rhino wins. Neal’s head is bleeding. Post-match, Rhino Gores Neal flat. The referee reverses the decision after seeing Rhino’s actions, and announces Neal as the winner. Rhino continues to beat Neal down, but Brother Devon makes the save and stares down Rhino.
To the back! JB is with ODB and Cody Deaner. After JB’s assurance that Mick Foley takes his cases very seriously, Foley is shown wearing a judge’s wig and carrying a gavel. Abyss interrupts, returning Foley’s bat. Foley gives Abyss a bag of groceries, and wishes him luck in his match with the Guns. “Take it easy on Alex Shelley, my kids love that guy.” ODB claims that it’s the women’s title, and that Deaner doesn’t even look like a woman. Deaner shows evidence of beating up Mike Tyson and Chuck Norris. Foley decides to hold up the Knockouts title until the next ppv, where ODB and Cody Deaner will fight for it. This is crap.
Abyss vs. the Motor City Machine Guns: The Guns want the cash, Abyss just wants to eat. Dr. Stevie accompanies the Guns. Abyss and his street clothes hoddie are next. Sabin grabs Abyss’s legs while Shelley rushes Abyss from the front. They double team him, but Abyss counters and DDTs them both. Abyss chokeslams Sabin onto Shelley. Sabin lands a running Yaskuza kick on Abyss. The Guns follow up with another double team, and Abyss rolls to the outside. Shelley dives over the top rope in a cross body, but Abyss catches him. Sabin hits a suicide dive and knocks Abyss down. Abyss catches Shelley up on his shoulders, and kicks Sabin in the face when he tries to make the save. Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Shelley while dropping a leg on Sabin. Sabin goes for a tornado DDT on Abyss from the top rope, but Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Sabin for the win. Post-match, Dr. Stevie berates the Guns and shoves them. The Guns retaliate with double team kicks to Dr. Stevie, hang him in the Tree of Woe, and hit him with a Hesitation Dropkick/super kick combination. Abyss applauds this. Abyss grabs a steel chair, and as the Guns leave, they encourage him to attack Dr. Stevie with it. Before Abyss can enter the ring, Kevin nash’s music hits, and the Old Man wanders down to the ring.
Nash accepts the bounty on Abyss, and claims that Abyss had stuck his nose in Nash’s business. Nash and Abyss will go at the next ppv, with the bounty on the line.
To the back! Lauren interviews Daffney about wrestling a debuting Hamada. Daffney relies on the violence. She counts sheep, but doesn’t like them to jump the fence. She drains their blood, skins them, and wears them to the supermarket. GOLD!
Daffney vs. Hamada: This is a “No DQ” match. Daffney starts with punches and they trade chest chops. Hamada kicks and stomps Daffney in the corner. Hamada throws Daffney over the top rope, but Daffney lands on the apron. Hamada hits a spinning heel kick to the head and knocks Daffney from the apron to the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Hamada has set up a table on the floor outside. Hamada hits a jumping enziguri, several headbutts, and a jumping DDT, but Daffney kicks out at two. Daffney hits a kick, but Hamada kicks out at two. Daffney stomps Hamada, and gets a chair. She swings it at Hamada, but misses and hits the ring post. Hamada puts the chair around Daffney’s head and throws her into the ringpost. She lays Daffney on the table and hits a huge Asai moonsault from the top turnbuckle, putting Daffney through the table. She drags Daffney into the ring and hits the Hamada Driver for the win.
Backstage, The Beautiful People are hunting Madison Rayne.
Angelina Love andVelvet Sky force their way past JB and into a dressing room where Madison Rayne is alone. They get in Rayne’s face about costing Love the Knockouts title, and the upcoming ass-kicking that Rayne will get from them. Rayne and a mystery partner take on TBP. Rayne shoves TBP, and they kick the crap out of her.
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero and Samoa Joe vs. Suicide and Daniels: This match follows up the opening match with no ending. Anyone who can find the joke about “The Pope” feuding with Suicide, please share it. I know that it’s there. Joe and Suicide start. Joe targets Suicide’s arm. Dinero tags in, and goes after Suicide, but Daniels helps double team Dinero, and then tags in. Daniels and Dinero go. Massive chants of “Pope is pimpin’!” We go to commercial break. When we return from the commercial break, Joe and Daniels are trading punches. Daniels hits the judo takedown. Dinero and Suicide tag in. Joe and Daniels involve themselves. Joe goes to the outside, and Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault from the top rope onto Joe. In the ring, Dinero pulls down his knee pads, and sets up for the running double knee strike that took out Creed last week. Suicide dodges and Dinero hits the ringpost. Suicide covers Dinero and gets the win. Daniels and Suicide celebrate outside, while Joe and Dinero look on with shock from the ring.
To the interview! Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley sit on a couch, and JB asks a few questions. Dixie announces the new three-year extension deal between TNA and Spike TV. Lashley says that his plans are to have equal success in MMA and TNA. Dixie talks up Lashley as though he is the only person TNA needs on the roster. She wants to see him with world titles on both shoulders, one from MMA and one from TNA. Dixie announces that Lashley’s ppv debut will be against Rhino. Thanks for giving away the result!
Hey, look! It’s Kurt Angle! He makes his way to the announce table and joins Mike Tenay and Taz. Angle talks up Morgan’s lack of experience.
Matt Morgan, Scott Steiner, and Booker T vs. Hernandez, AJ Styles, and Sting: Massive “AJ! AJ!” chants. Sting and Booker T start. Yawn. I despise Booker T with an unholy fiery passion of burning. Not in a heel heat way. In a “Please fall in front of a bus filled with nitroglycerine” way. Steiner and AJ go, and AJ levels Steiner with a drop kick. AJ tags in Hernandez. Hernandez wants Morgan. They charge each other twice. The third time, Morgan drops Hernandez with a clothesline. Hernandez gets Morgan in a long delayed suplex, and takes him down. Morgan rolls to the outside, where Booker and Steiner take him to task for leaving. Sting and AJ pull down the top rope as Hernandez flies over the top rope and takes out all three guys on the floor. When we return from the commercial break, Steiner and AJ are in the ring. Steiner outpowers AJ and throws him over in a suplex, but AJ kicks out at two. Morgan tags in, and continues to isolate AJ. AJ manages to roll past Morgan and tag in Hernandez. Hernandez hits a shoulder block on Morgan. The match breaks down, with everyone fighting. Morgan kicks Hernandez in the gut, and goes to take him up for the Hellavator. Steiner enters the ring with a chair, but Morgan refuses to let him get involved or use it. This allows Hernandez to get away and tag in AJ, who takes down Morgan and gets the three-count. Post-match, Steiner and Booker get in Morgan’s face and berate him. Morgan starts to walk off with them, but levels Booker and Steiner with clotheslines instead. He points at Angle, and gestures that he was thinking. It will be Angle defending the World Heavyweight title against Morgan and two others as yet unchosen in the main event of the ppv.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Hamada debuting against Daffney was good. The concept of an international talent requesting a “No DQ” match for her debut is cool. Daffney’s promo was great, but (as The Green Teabagger said) crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy. Daffney’s one flaw is that she mentions being crazy too often. If Nash collects the bounty on Abyss, I’m breaking something. Once again, a near-cripple who can barely walk ends up fairly high up on the ppv card, while others much more deserving are not. Who is Madison Rayne’s mystery partner? Supposedly, it’s someone we’ll all recognize. I’m intrigued. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is looking great, but shouldn’t a street preacher get promo time? Dixie’s praise of Lashley was awkward, and a bit too much, almost as if no one else besides Angle and Lashley even needs to be on the TNA roster. Lashley is still terrible on the mic, even in a sit-down interview from a couch. Chris Sabin got tv time. Hooray!!! The Motor City Machine Guns actually had a match. More hooray!!!However, a tag team losing to one guy, even when that one guy is the “Monster” of the company, only makes the tag team look weak. Matt Morgan gave the best promo of his career in the MEM locker room, and the Morgan/Hernandez segment of the main event is the kind of thing of which we should see more in TNA. All in all, a good show. I’m curious to see where things go from here.
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
Cross the line!
We open with Matt Morgan and a baseball bat. Morgan wants to smash Kurt Angle’s head in with said bat. Angle and the Main Event Mafia get him in the ring and Angle explains that he didn’t pin Morgan and keep the title on purpose. He just fell on him after thinking that he had hit Sting. They agree to team up and take on Team 3D in a tables match. I was late getting to the show, so I missed most of this.
Match #1: Beer Money vs. The British Invasion: This was a street fight, and a non-title match. I’m still getting caught up, so specific moves are not being detailed right now. Loud chants of “We want tables!” Kendo sticks, trash cans, plastic bags, and both members of Beer Money in street clothes. Berr Money dominates rather well. Storm gets knocked off the ring post, but Roode gets in and puts Brutus Magnus through a trash can and gets the pin for the win. Magnus and Roode were very bloody.
To the back! Lauren interviews the Beautiful People. They sit on their thrones. Madison Rayne has been kicked to the curb, and TBP will get her tonight. Short but awesomely fun promo, as per usual from TBP.
To the back! Cody Deaner and ODB argue loudly over Deaner’s status as Knockouts champion. Foley and JB are talking, but Foley offers to help. Deaner uses Foley’s white board to visually demonstrate that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption. Foley says that he will retreat to his inner sanctum, and issue a verdict on the Knockouts champion status next week on “iMPACT.” Abyss comes up and Foley thanks him for his help against Nash at the ppv. Foley gives Abyss a gift. “Is it groceries? I love groceries!” Foley tells Abyss that it isn’t groceries. It is, in fact, a blue flannel. Abyss cries. Foley says that there is no crying in wrestling. Abyss straightens up. Foley and Abyss discuss spilling their own blood. Foley wants his bat back.
Mike Tenay and Taz are the official broadcast team. Don West has been promoted within the merchandising company. Tenay and Taz run down the evening’s card.
Match #2: Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love: Rayne enters to the Beautiful People’s music, alone and looking scared. Love jumps Rayne from behind and throws her into the barricade. Love manhandles Rayne to the ring. Love pins Rayne in a matter of seconds. Velvet Sky scampers down to the ring. TBP put the boots to Rayne, and give her the Brown Paper Bag treatment. Tara and Christy Hemme run to Rayne’s aid, and TBP bail.
The Motor City Machine Guns bring us all a public service message. Their lack of tv time has made their paychecks smaller. The MCMG are all about three things: Entertaining you, the fans. Getting laid. Getting paid. For $2000 an hour, you can hire their services. They’ll play video games, go see movies, or sit on your couch and do absolutely nothing while you make them dinner. Call now, and they’ll throw in a free Sham-Wow! I’ll continue this real-time when I get back from the bank.
Match #3: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide: X-Division Champion Samoa Joe has a rematch against Homicide from the ppv. Joe’s strikes seem lacking in power. Joe hits a nice snap slam on Homicide, but Homicide kicks out at two. Joe continues to outpower Homicide, but the Notorious 187 refuses to stay down. Homicide uses speed, and takes Joe down, but can’t get the three-count. Joe gets the pin with a muscle buster. Clean win for Joe.
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, totally pimped out, arrives in a chauffeured car.
To the back! Lauren interviews Tara, Christy Hemme, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde are very happy. Next week starts a Knockouts tag team tournament. Tara and Christy will team up, as will Taylor Wilde and Sarita. Tonight is the Four-way dance between Traci Brooks, Awesome Kong, Sarita, and Christy Hemme.
Match #4: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Traci Brooks (w/ Sharmell) vs. Sarita (w/ Taylor Wilde) vs. Christy Hemme (w/ Tara): This was a four-way singles match. Kong and Sarita start. Kong totally outpowers Sarita. Sarita pulls the ropes and Kong goes over the top and hits the floor. Sarita takes down Traci with a spinning head scissors. Traci and Christy slap at each other. Kong clotheslines Traci on the floor. Sarita flies over the top and takes out Kong. We go to a commercial break. When we return, Christy goes for the FFCLG, but Kong plants her. Christy later hits the FFCLD on Traci, but Kong hits Christy with the Implant Buster. Sarita tries a missile dropkick, but Kong catches her and throws her down. While Kong climbs to the top turnbuckle, Traci rolls over and steals the pin on Christy. Traci gets the win. KONG MAD! KONG SMASH! Kong throws chairs as the remaining Knockouts bail up the ramp.
Consequences Creed (w/ Jay Lethal) is in the ring when we return from a commercial break.
Match #5: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Consequences Creed: Lethal is sent to the back by the ref. Pope and Creed exchange arm holds. Creed hits a springboard clothesline, and takes down Pope. Pope returns the favor with a stiff punch. Pope hits a Bronco Buster from behind, sliding through the ropes to the floor. Pope follows up with a barrage of stiff punches and a sleeper hold. Creed fights to his feet. Pope goes for a kick, but Creed catches the foot. Pope is all charisma and flash, a total major league player. Pope pulls down his knee pads and hits Creed with a running double knee to the back. Pope gets the pin and win. Post-match, the lights go out and Suicide’s music plays. Suicide rushes the ring and attacks Pope. Pope bails and looks at Suicide with the Booker T googly eyes. Suicide gestures at Pope with the slice across the throat.
AJ Styles walks toward the ring from backstage.
To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan, asking him if he’s buying what Angle said earlier. Morgan claims that he’s totally buying it because Kurt Angle never lies. He slips up and says Angle will get his “boot” instead of his “back.” Morgan blames his inexperience and nervousness.
To the ring! AJ Styles is in street clothes. He has a mic. The audience chants his name loudly. He says that he’s had it pretty rough for the last few weeks. He always had it rough, but he never quit. He is proud of the man that he has become. More “AJ!” chants. What he isn’t so proud of is losing the Legends title, losing the matches against Matt Morgan, and losing friends like Eric Young and Samoa Joe. He has already missed half the lives of his kids while he’s on the road, and when he is home, he can’t stop being bothered by things like this from work. He yells at his family over petty things because he’s hung up on the work problems. It isn’t worth it. It’s time for AJ Styles to say goodbye to professional wrestling. He loves the TNA fans, and he’s sorry. Sting walks out in street clothes and sunglasses. Loud crowd chants of “Sting!” Sting grabs a mic. He asks AJ if that’s the legacy that AJ really wants to leave after seven years. He says that AJ is saying, “I quit.” He’s quitting on his wife, his kids, the fans, the little kids who want to be him. Sting takes off the glasses and tells AJ that he’s quitting on him too. Right now, AJ is a loser because quitting is what losers do. Does AJ think that Sting hasn’t suffered, both professionally and personally? He hasn’t quit in over twenty years. He wanted to pass the torch to somebody, somebody who could bring honor, dignity, and respect back to the business. He had been talking about AJ the whole time. AJ is, or was, the Chosen One. AJ can either go home and quit, or go in the back, lace up his boots, and claim what is his. AJ is near tears, but he stops, and hugs Sting. Sting says that AJ is supposed to be “The Man,” and tells AJ to come with him. They leave up the ramp together as Taz and Tenay wonder if AJ has really quit or not.
To the back! Lauren asks Hernandez when he plans to cash in his briefcase for a World title shot. Hernandez says that the night he cashes it in will be the night he becomes World Heavyweight Champion. Eric Young interrupts, and tells Hernandez to come talk to him, presumably about joining World Elite.
To the announce table! “The Boss” Bobby Lashley comes to the announce table, and says that next week will be the TNA television debut of TNA President Dixie Carter. She will announce, among other things, Bobby Lashley’s role in TNA. Tenay invites Lashley to stay at the table and join the commentary. He accepts.
Match #6: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle: Team 3D enters first. Matt Morgan enters next. Kurt Angle enters, but makes a beeline for Lashley and attacks him at the announce table. Lashley fights back, but Angle makes it to the ring. This was a tables match. Angle and Brother Ray start. Typical Team 3D tables match, with lots of stiff punches and forearms. Team 3D targets Angle’s neck. Morgan overpowers Devon. Team 3D double-teams Morgan over the ropes, and follow up on Angle. When we return from commercial break, Devon leaps off the rope to deliver the Wazzup. “Get the tables!” Team 3D sets up the tables in the ring. Morgan rolls into the ring and clotheslines Team 3D from behind. Morgan moves a table and gestures for a chokeslam. Morgan chokeslams Devon, but Ray moves the table. Angle tags in. Angle goes after Devon, whose mouth appears to be bleeding. Angle goes for an Angle Slam through a table, but Morgan moves the table just as Devon reverses the move. Morgan rushes at another table with a Carbon Footprint, but breaks the table on his own. The match continues, as no one was put through a table by an opponent. Team 3D dominates, and Ray hits Angle with a super kick on the floor. Ray brings another table from the backstage area. Angle fights off Team 3D alone in the ring. Angle calls Morgan into the ring afterwards. Morgan’s knee is still bad from the bothced kick through the table. Angle orders Morgan to the top rope, but Morgan’s knee can’t handle it. Team 3D grab him on the top rope and throw Morgan through the table. Team 3D wins. Post-match, Angle and Morgan yell at each other.
The End.
Greetings, fellow line-crossers!
It’s time for TNA’s May pay-per-view offering, “Sacrifice.” Will Mick Foley retain the World Heavyweight championship? Will Jeff Jarrett lose all official control of the company he founded? Will Kurt Angle meet the same fate as other Godfathers of note and be overthrown? Will Sting ever wrestle again? Let’s find out.
Better late than never, right?
Right?
Oh, just go with it, people!
This past week’s “Impact” just so happened to fall on my birthday, which was pretty cool. What was not in the least bit cool was my lack of internet connection, preventing me from joining in the combination “Impact”/birthday thread, and getting a review for this site posted in a timely manner. Hey, it could be worse. At least this isn’t a site that waits almost a full week to post a review of the previous week’s show. But I digress.
Let’s cross that line, people! Assuming that you’re sober enough to find it in the first place.
We open with a video package detailing several of the ongoing storylines. Foley’s “First Blood” match is pushed heavily. This week’s “Dragonball Z”-esque title is “Who’s Calling the Shots?” Mike Tenay and Don West talk up the Booker T vs. Samoa Joe match later in the program that determines which team gets the advantage in the “Lethal Lockdown” match. As closely as I follow this, I’m still not clear on what precisely that advantage is. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
To the ring! It’s the Main Event Mafia. And their group entrance music. Kurt Angle leads, flanked by his personal security team. Booker T and Sharmell are not amongst the group. Sting is last in line. Sting asks Jeff Jarrett to join him in the ring. Somehow, we know he will. Jarrett’s music plays, and The Founder of TNA (drink) hits the ring. The TNA World Heavyweight Champion is not happy. Sting complains that Mick Foley pulled rank over Jeff Jarrett last week by booking Sting in a “warm-up” match against Samoa Joe. Since Sting is facing Foley at the upcoming “Lockdown” ppv, that’s hardly fair. Jarrett has business to conduct, and really doesn’t need Sting getting up in his face about this. Jarret tries to leave the ring, but Sting stops him. Sting just wants to hear from Jarrett’s own lips whether or not Foley is calling the shots now. Jarret tells Sting that Foley is not calling the shots, that The King of the Mountain is running the show. Sting is pleased, and says that he’s glad to know that he’s dealing with the man in charge. If he had to have a warm-up match for the ppv booked by Foley, it’s only right that this week, Sting gets to book Foley in a warm-up match as well. Scott Steiner tells Jarrett that he could take another road, the joining the MEM road. Jarrett says that such a thought is not even an option. Steiner wants to go backstage and discuss it. However, before Jarrett can say anything to such a proposition, the MEM is interrupted by-
THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS!!!!! (birthday present #1)
The Guns are sporting thier IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championship title belts. The ones that get almost no mention or focus? Yes, those belts. Alex Shelley has a mic. Shelley tells Sting and Jarrett that they were in the back, busily playing “Resident Evil V” and “Street Fighter IV” on the X-box, when they heard that Sting wanted someone to fight Mick Foley. Shelley is pretty sure that Foley runs TNA, and says so. He offers up the services of the MCMG for hire, and challenges Foley to a handicap match against himself and Chris Sabin. Shelley brings up the Turkey Bowl from last November, and calls it the worst, most humiliating day of his career. Because of Mick Foley, he was forced to wear a turkey suit that smelled like burnt hair on national television. He has thought about that moment every day since, and has quietly bided his time for a chance to get even with Foley. This is that chance.
Side note: Why didn’t we see a replay of Alex Shelley being forced into the turkey suit? Some people watching probably never even saw it. We all know that we’re watching a show. It’s not as if it’s a suspension of disbelief that the video footage of such a thing would be available to air at a moment’s notice. Shelley and Sabin could even have (gasp) been allowed enough promo time to introduce the clip themselves, and react to seeing it again appropriately.
In any case, Sting approves, and Jarrett grants the match. Regardless of the circumstances, the MCMG are in the main event against Mick Foley! (birthday present #2) Shocking and miraculous as it may seem, Kurt Angle did not talk during this entire thing! A trend? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I know, but still!
To the back! Jeremy Borash asks Mick Foley his thoughts on the handicap match. Foley laughs about the whole thing, and refers to the MCMG as “white meat babyfaces.” Um, ok. He goes on to talk about “tweaking” the match, but leaves before JB can get an explanation out of him.
To the back! JB is with Foley and Jarrett. Foley is in bizarro mode, and thanks Jarrett for the match, but wants to “tweak” it a little. He continues to annoy Jarrett before leaving. JB asks Jarrett if something is bothering him, but Scott Steiner enters, and Jarrett kicks JB out. Hmm.
Match #1: Sheik Abdul Bashir (w/ Kiyoshi and Team No Limit) defeats Suicide [non-title match]: When did this happen? Did Bashir and the entire Japanese contingent get thrown together simply because they’re all brown, and would therefore naturally want to hang out? The only one who has clearly and consistently been a heel is Bashir. Could we at least get some kind of explanation? It’s already been established that the Japanese guys don’t speak English (thank you , Kurt Angle), so how would Bashir be able to talk to them? I’m just sayin’. The match itself went about four minutes. Not that it mattered, as Tenay and West talked about the Main Event Mafia the whole time. Can’t we hook them up to shock collars and zap them when they do that? Please? Nice tactics of No Limit attacking Suicide on the floor while the ref was distracted, and Kiyoshi sneaking into the ring to kick Suicide. Bashir DDTs Suicide onto the X-Division title belt for the win, which was nice. The lights go out, and Suicide vanishes by the time they come up again. Suicide appears to be getting a much bigger reaction than he was, so many question the wisdom of having him lose matches right now. It wasn’t a clean one-on-one loss, though. The super hero video game character has a chink in the armor, and if a group of guys can take him down, it makes the X-scape match at “Lockdown” more compelling because they’ve established the possibility that he CAN lose.
To the back! The Beautiful People and Madison Rayne (I refuse to call them by their sorority name of “Mi Pi Sexy”) are walking. With scissors. Ah, the jokes write themselves, don’t they?
To the back! Navy veteran Jesse Neal is with Rhino. Rhino does most of the talking. From everything that I’ve read, the story is true, and not a pathetic attempt by TNA creative to play the emotional patriotism card. Neal was on the USS Cole when it was attacked by terrorists in Yemen. That was how he lost a close friend who had shared his love of wrestling. He wants to wrestle, and every match will be in memory of his friend. Rhino says that he’ll be honored to train him. In real life, Neal trains at Team 3D’s school. Either way, he’s a former Navy guy who is legitimately training to wrestle. Good for him. Unfortunately, does anyone else see a collision course between Neal and Rhino and Bashir and the Japanese contingent? As much as I hope they don’t….
To the announce table! Tenay and West talk about upcoming events. For some reason, they think that anyone will actually give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock that “Survivor: Amazon” winner Jenna Moresca will be at the “Lockdown” fan convention. More importantly, The Beautiful People and Madison Rayne jump Raisha Saeed in the back, pull off her head covering, and cut off some of her hair. Saeed’s back stays turned to the camera at all times, so her face is never shown. I guess Kong and Saeed are official faces now.
To the “Rough Cuts” segment! Team 3D talks about their wrestling academy. They congratulate themselves profusely for passing the torch to the next generation and training new guys when lots of veterans won’t. It was a nice package, but I’m sorry, do you want a cookie? There’s quite a lot of self-congratulation going on in TNA amongst the “veteran” crowd about how they put over the younger guys, bring up the next generation, and so on, and that’s just not true. Yes, Team 3D and Beer Money are doing very well. Yes, Mick Foley seems to be keen on working with the Motor City Machine Guns, to a degree. Not much else can be said. Team 3D and the rest of the “veteran” crew will truly be worthy of the accolades they bestow upon themselves when they are no longer the focus of the show. The end.
To the Mike Tenay sit-down interview! Sting tells the story of Mick Foley losing an ear in Germany. He goes on to say that there would be no coming back for him from a major injury this time, and plays up Foley’s unpredictability. This was long, but one of the better Sting promos. He never was a good talker, but his recent TNA work has been the best of his career.
To the back! Lauren rips Abyss a new one for taking the abuse heaped upon him last week by Dr. Stevie. Is she really his girlfriend now? She finally agrees not to report Dr. Stevie, but next week, she’s attending Abyss’s therapy session with him, and Dr. Stevie is going to know everything! Is anyone else uncertain as to what that means?
To the ring! It’s Mick Foley. “To tweak or not to tweak? That is the question.” Ah, Mickles, you kill me! He holds up the work in progress that is his next book, “Crossing the Line.” He decided to tweak the match tonight because of what was in this notebook. Two of his sons, Dewey and Huey (please tell me that someone else thought, “Where’s Louie?”), wanted to look like the Motor City Machine Guns, specifically with haircuts like Alex Shelley. A birthday card with drawings of the MCMG and birthday messages is shown. Foley shows a picture of his younger son with long, golden hair. He says that he went away on the road for a few days, and he came back to see his son sporting an Alex Shelley haircut. A photo confirming this is shown. Foley makes the main event match a “First Blood” match because he wants to make sure that no child ever wants to look anything like Alex Shelley ever again. Tonight, he’s going to carve that kid up like a Thanksgiving turkey. He has tried to keep his home a “Machine Gun-free zone,” and Ted Nugent wouldn’t even want these Guns around. The whole promo was very effective and well-done. Foley came off as angry that his kids idolized someone other than him, and the idea of slaughtering your kids’ heroes because they’re your kids’ heroes is rather heelish. Hopefully, that’s the point they’re going for.
To the back! JB asks the MEM about Sharmell. In case anyone forgot, Samoa Joe walked out of the arena with Sharmell slung over his shoulder. Booker T sits mournfully in a chair, his voice taking a serious tone and nearly breaking. After his very public admission that he uses his TNA television time as free audition time for Hollywood, taking anything that he says on the show seriously is impossible. Today, Mr. BT Huffman (thanks SABUISGOD!) is going for the bereaved parent/spouse role, possibly along the lines of Sean Penn in “Mystic River.” Sharmell hasn’t been the same since Joe took her out of the arena. She hasn’t said a word, and he has no idea what happened. Tonight, what Booker T does to Joe will be left up to Joe’s imagination. Booker leaves, appropriately distressed. Kurt Angle speaks for the first time tonight (GASP!). He says that the match won’t be about the advantage for the “Lethal Lockdown” match. He’s going to the ring with Booker, and if Joe wants to unleash the Nation of Violence, he can unleash it on Angle.
To the back! AJ Styles offers to come to the ring with Joe to balance out Angle. Joe tells AJ that, as far as AJ is concerned, his Nation of Violence is a Nation of One. Joe walks away, but AJ’s sarcastic response of “Oh, really?” rings out loud and clear.
Match #2: Samoa Joe defeats Booker T: This match didn’t even go two minutes. I’m perfectly ok with that. Booker is distracted and distraught. Joe is psychopathic. Why shouldn’t it go like that? Angle trips up Joe and hands Booker a chair, but AJ runs in and pulls the chair away from Angle before attacking him. Joe looked not at all pleased that AJ had shown up. Team Angle and TEam Jarrett are now tied at 1-1 for the “Lethal Lockdown” advantage. Whatever that is.
To the amusement park! Cody Deaner and ODB are on a date. Painfully horrible stuff. They meet a guy in a Woody Woodpecker costume. They played with balls. Yes, all this for some “pecker and balls” jokes. ODB kisses Deaner on the cheek at the end, and he completely flips out. Please end this now.
To the “Rough Cuts” segment! Another look at Team 3D. They talk about the greatest tag teams in history, and the titles that they’ve won in other companies.
To the back! Kevin Nash hits on Jenna Moresca. Again. Ok, wait. So you’re telling me that if I win a reality tv show by getting naked for snack food, pose naked in a magazine, and claim to be a lifelong wrestling fan, I’ll get signed to a contract where I get paid more than real wrestlers to train to actually wrestle in the ring, and get put in a romantic storyline with my favorite wrestler? Where do I sign up???
To the back! Speaking of, Lauren interviews the MCMG. More talk of video games. Shelley announces that they’re so confident that they’ll walk out of this match victorious, that they’ll put their IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championship title belts on the line. Foley can have them if he beats them. Shelley knows that Mick can barely get out of bed in the morning, and they aren’t at all concerned. Chris Sabin gets the mic, and the future Mr. Drowgoddess says that they are going to do what they do best, make a name for themselves. Yes.
Match #3: James Storm (w/ Robert Roode) defeats Scott Steiner (w/ Kevin Nash) by DQ: Why exactly this match happened is anyone’s guess. Team 3D came out to do commentary. Towards the end of the match, Nash interferes and hits Storm with Steiner’s massive pipe (that looks so wrong when I type it), causing a DQ. Team 3D rushes the ring and chases off the Main Event Mafia. More mutual respect between Team 3D and Beer Money.
To the back! The Beautiful People are on their golden thrones. JB asks them about the match tonight. Angelina Love wants to be the Number One Contender to the Knockouts title. Raisha Saeed won’t make the match tonight, as they left her in a pool of her own blood, hair, and vomit. Hold on, did I miss something? I watched it, and I saw hair. No blood, no vomit. Angelina Love is such a dirty pirate hooker. She says untrue things.
Match #4: Awesome Kong defeats Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky: This was supposed to be a tag team match, and it became a handicap match. Fair enough. Not even two minutes did it go. Kong pins Velvet Sky, but Angelina Love runs down and the trio attempts to cut Kong’s hair. They fail, and Taylor Wilde makes the save. No one, I repeat, NO ONE should have to make a save for Awesome Kong.
To the back! JB asks Jarrett what’s going on with Steiner behind closed doors. Jarrett tells JB that it’s none of his business. However, next week, a former TNA champion will turn up for the deciding match in the “Lethal Lockdown” advantage series. The advantage is to have an extra man in the cage when the match starts. Ah, I see. This unknown personage will face Kevin Nash. Please try to control your hysterical laughter. I know. It’s difficult.
To the ring! Sting gets a full entrance as “Special Enforcer.” Special like the Olympics.
Match #5: The Motor City Machine Guns defeat Mick Foley in a “First Blood” match: Oh. My. God. Not only were they in the main event, they technically got a victory. YES! *”Hallelujah Chorus” plays* Foley brought his barbed-wire baseball bat to the ring, and action started off between Foley and Shelley. They end up on the floor outside, where Sabin hits a sweet missile drop kick from the apron on Foley, causing him to crash most painfully. Beautiful double suicide dive from the Guns, sending Foley into the barricade. We go to a commercial break here. When we return, it’s Foley and Sabin in the ring. Shelley hits Foley with a flying forearm. Another Sabin missile drop kick, and stereo enziguris. Shelley is in. From the apron, Sabin makes the Sting battle cry and pounds his chest like an angry gorilla. Sting is angry at this mockery, and the future Mr. Drowgoddess is yanked from the apron and planted on the floor with a Scorpion Death Drop. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Foley hits Shelley with the double-arm DDT, pulls out Mr. Socko, and shoves it down Shelly’s throat. When Foley pulls the sock back, it has blood on it. The referee tries to call for the bell, but Foley won’t allow it. He grabs the mic and says that this little bit isn’t what he promised, or what he’s going to deliver. “Shelley, I’m going to make you suffer.” Foley goes for his barbed-wire baseball bat, and is about to smash Shelley in the groin with it, but Sting steps up and slams a steel chair into Foley’s head. Foley is busted open, and Sting makes the ref declare the MCMG the winners of the match. This is just before Foley and Sting brawl out on the floor.
Yes, I know that we’re lucky to get what we got. Yes, I know that nothing more should be expected. That the MCMG were really pawns in the Sting/Foley feud is not surprising. It just makes them look incredibly weak that they couldn’t beat Foley without help from Sting, who basically handed them the match victory. Alex Shelley has been singled out from the beginning as the problem child, and the person who has issues with Foley, and Chris Sabin is just kind of there. If the MCMG are going to be treated as a unit, everything can’t be Alex Shelley’s fault. It’s a minor thing, but it needs addressing. The top three matches for “Lockdown” are looking very good. One can’t really fault the build for Sting/Foley, Team 3D/Beer Money, or the “Lethal Lockdown” match. The rest of the card seems haphazard and thrown together. Even if it isn’t, it hasn’t been addressed well on television. There’s one more week to make us want to buy “Lockdown.” Let’s see what TNA comes up with.
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
Sting… Whose Side is He On?
After the opening pyro, Mike Tenay promises that we’ll be seeing all the fallout from the “Destination X” pay-per-view last Sunday night. Will Kurt Angle and Sting be able to coexist? And how will the Main Event Mafia react? Because that’s the only possible fallout from an entire ppv. Nothing else could actually be of any interest to anyone.
Before writing this review of “Destination X,” something has to be said. Boredwrestlingfan.com doesn’t get real-time reviews from me because I can’t write a review and try to enjoy the show at the same time. When I watch “Impact” and the TNA pay-per-views, I do sincerely try to get into them and enjoy something about them. (more…)
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We open with highlights from Sunday’s “Against All Odds” pay-per-view. As Mike Tenay and Don West run down the evening’s card, they inform us that the first match of the night will be – pretty much the main event from the previous Sunday’s pay-per-view? Now that everyone who paid money to see “Against All Odds” feels like a complete idiot, and may well have just decided never to spend another cent on a TNA ppv, the announcers tout the wisdom of booking this match in light of the “controversy.” What controversy? Sting won the match and kept the title, clean as a whistle. Angle was mad afterwards. There was no controversy of any kind. Even so, on we go to: