So the WWE thought it would be funny to make me work on a Tuesday. Bastards. Ha ha ha. You happy now, Vince? Jerk. Anyways, the last time we did this Halo 4 came out and a new president was elected. Something tells me that won’t happen tonight. But what did happen TODAY was that I made an appearance on Rational Wrestling Review representing the BWF. We spoke about the awesome TLC PPV last Sunday and the Slammy themed RAW last night. Let’s see what the hell happens on Smackdown tonight. Thank you Sky TV for being streamed illegally for my viewing pleasure.
So that’s where Christian has been. Drinking beer in the woods. Now I get it.
Fucked up news week. Toronto monkey in a suit, Manny KO’d and lifeless for minutes, Bieber murder/castration plot, Syria, Egypt, Prank call gone horribly wrong… and sadly the mass shootings in an elementary school. 🙁 I’m kind of dejected to say the least (and battling a headcold from last week, still). Maybe some Smackdown can lift my spirits. (more…)
Ahh… Black Friday Night Smackdown. There will be a ton of people not watching, even some that normally would. All six of them. So that just leaves me, the sole viewer of this program to review it for them.
Last night’s RAW was for me, a mixed bag. There were low-points, painful ones at that, but there were one or two points where I could see a glimmer of hope.
MATCH RESULTS
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Ryback in the ring, cuts a decent promo demanding WWE champ C.M. Punk and the three NXT talents who jumped him at Survivor Series come out to face him or he tears the place down. Vicki Guerro, RAW Supervising Manager, came out to berate Ryback for blowing two title shots and warn him not to cause trouble or he would face a fine/suspension. She sends out Tensai to see “just how big” his appetite is. Match ends just how you’d expect it. Ryback puts Tensai down with the Shell-Shock for a pin.
WADE BARRETT DEF WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFIKINGSTON – Before the match, we see Wade Barrett cutting a backstage promo from last night’s survivor series, saying how he’s beaten Kofi for the Intercontinental title before and Kofi holding the title was a disgrace to WWE. Barrett dominates the match with a combo of holds and brawling, as well as focusing on an eye injury to Kofi. Kofi gets in a big flurry of offense but Barrett rakes his eye on the rope and ends it with the “Bull-Hammer Elbow.”
KAITLYN DEF AKSANA – Aksana actually tries actual “wrestling” for once. She starts by faking a walk-out to lure Kaitlyn into a clothesline and working over the left arm. Sloppy, but it’s an “improvement.” Kaitlyn gorilla-presses her and drops her stomach first into her knee for a three-count.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – Despite R-Truth on commentary and the Funkadactyls at ringside, Cesaro gets the pin with the “Neutralizer.”
RANDY ORTON DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO (2 FALLS OUT OF 3) – The first fall starts out as a basic “back and forth,” until Orton forces Del Rio outside. Del Rio pulls Orton, shoulder first into the ring-rope, then into the corner post. When he refuses to let up the assault on the arm, Orton gets the win by DQ. The second fall has Orton making the comeback while favoring the left arm, but Del Rio locks in the arm-bar and Orton has to tap out. Third fall has Del Rio attacking the bad arm, while Orton tries to fight back. Ricardo Rodriguez (Del Rio’s personal ring announcer,) gets ejected for grabbing Orton’s ankle, and after missing an inziguri, Orton gets the pin with an RKO out of nowhere.
GREAT KAHLI DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/ROSA MENDES – Hornswoggle comes out to squirt Rosa in the face with water from a trick bouquet of flowers while Kahli destroys Mo/Co. I put more effort into that sentence than anybody put into that match.
THE MIZ DEF DAVID OTUNGA – Very basic, by-the-numbers match; Otunga gets to look good here, dominating Miz with clotheslines and chin-locks, but Miz gets in the “Skull-Crushing-Finale,” for the inevitable three-count.
SHEAMUS DEF DAMIAN SANDOW – Sheamus comes out with chair in hand. He cuts a promo recapping his feud with World Heavyweight Champion the Big Show and makes note that he is “not smiling anymore.” Big Show comes out, and they start shouting over each other. Show calls Sheamus a “barbarian,” and Sandow makes his entrance. Match builds from a slow pace, starting out with Sandow trying to avoid Sheamus for the first few minutes. First high-spot is Sheamus tossing Sandow out by the beard. Sandow actually dominates the match from that point on, beating Sheamus down and trying to wear him out. Sandow takes too long setting up the “elbow of distain” and Sheamus hooks in a side-back-breaker. Sheamus hits a flying shoulder block, the “White Noise,” and the Brogue-kick for a three-count.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (DANIEL BRYAN AND KANE) VS SINSTERIO (SIN CARA/REY MYSTERIO: NO CONTEST – The real story here is the absolute TRAIN WRECK of the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young) doing commentary with Cole/Lawler. Eventually they all give up and settle for entertaining each other with jokes and one-liners. Ironically, the PTP’s come off as funny and charismatic (which is bad because they’re heels.) Match ends when the PTP’s rush the ring, and get beat down by both other teams.
MAJOR STORYLINES
1. THE AJ “SCANDAL” – So this nonsense begins with Vicki bringing out two people to the ring, one a waitress claiming AJ and Cena were getting “friendly” with each other in a restaurant, and the other was a dude implying he had pics of them “doing it” in the back of a car. AJ came out to confront her, followed by John Cena, who accused Vicki of harassing people just to get attention. He decided to show her how it’s done and planted a kiss on AJ. He turned to Vicki but AJ grabbed him and JUMPED HIM LIKE A FACE HUGGER IN ALIENS! The kiss went well over a minute while Vicki threw a tantrum. (Why?) Ziggler runs out and jumps Cena. Cena tries to give Ziggler the “Attitude Adjustment,” Ziggler escapes, and Cena goes after him, twisting his left knee in the process.
We see Cena get his knee taped up backstage.
AJ goes to Vicki, asking what she plans to do about it. Vicki, flanked by Tamina Snuka, says nothing. AJ says she will.
AJ heads for the locker room with Layla trying to talk her out of it. AJ blows her off and goes in to confront Ziggler. Ziggler gives her a verbal dressing down (VERBAL you pervs,) and AJ goes off on him. Cena pulls her off and Ziggler jumps him. The two men go crashing into a toilet stall, and Ziggler wails away on Cena until Titus pulls him off. Ziggler gets in one last shot to Cena’s bad knee.
Okay….
1. Why would Vicki and Ziggler be upset about this? Didn’t Cena and AJ CONFIRM everything they were being accused of? And let’s say they did…
2. SO PHKING WHAT!? What does this prove? Two single, consenting adults have decided to date, WHAT HAS VICKI “WON?”
Here’s the thing, when Vicki started this crap, it made SOME sense. AJ was RAW GM; Vicki wanted her out and wanted her job. AJ QUIT trying to protect John. VICKI GOT THE JOB (sort off.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING? Vicki has won. There is no reason, story-line, OR OTHERWISE for Vicki to keep this up.
Now before you argue “she wants to drive AJ out of WWE,” let me remind you, AJ WAS ON HER WAY OUT WHEN THIS STARTED! VICKI HIRED HER BACK! Vicki could’ve been free of AJ weeks ago. You could say Vicki is jealous of AJ, and wants to torture her, AND YOU WOULD BE GIVING HER AN ACTUAL MOTIVE! SOMETHING WWE DID NOT DO!
Side Note: I don’t know if Cena is legit hurt or it’s just an angle, but it looks like in either scenario, he’s out of the title picture.
2. THE CELEBRATION OF C.M. PUNK – The storyline with the least attention had the best payoff. We begin with Heyman at the top of the show holding up a poster of Punk and planning a big celebration for the champ. Punk comes out to hear his praises. Matt Stryker tries to get an interview and Punk threatens him. Heyman tries to smooth things over saying tonight is a celebration and everyone is invited, including Ryback.
We get short backstage segments featuring Heyman abusing crew members while planning the party, including one where Heyman demands “BALLOONS” manically, and one where he assures Punk nothing will ruin their celebration.
The final segment of the evening has Heyman in the ring. He calls the audience on the hypocrisy of chanting “ECW” when they see him, and booing him for his joke at Lawler’s expense last week. They say they want the Attitude era back, but get all upset when they get a taste of it. Punk comes out and points out to us that he did something Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, The Undertaker, and The Rock couldn’t do, hold the WWE title for one calendar year. We get a video package of Punk’s year-long reign, followed by Heyman and Punk running down all the great stars that couldn’t beat Punk and congratulating each other.
Ryback comes out, but gets jumped by NXT talents Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reins. Ryback tries to fight them off, but they end up putting him through an announce table, just like at Survivor Series. RAW ends with the champ, cautiously, standing with one foot on Ryback and his title in the air.
Okay, LOVING IT! This is the first RAW this year that ends with Punk standing tall over a fallen enemy. I’m hoping this leads to a Punk-led stable of young talent rallying to their hero’s side and becoming a major force in WWE. (Of course, WWE will most likely push this as a bunch of punks trying to get attention and Punk will get written into a feud with Hornswoggle.) Nonetheless, this is the first time in months that WWE has tried to make Punk look “relatively” good on television. It is a welcome change.
Overall, if this RAW had dropped the AJ scandal B.S. it would’ve been the strongest RAW in a long time. We got a LOT of actual wrestling where most people looked strong even in defeat.
So, while I’m not in LOVE with the product right now, this has been a step in the right direction.
Question; WHEN DID TNA IMPACT START BOOKING WWE SHOWS? Let’s break it down, angles we don’t care about getting stretched WAY past the point we care, angles we might care about getting cut short, face/heel turns out of nowhere, any of this sounding familiar? We’re gonna look at last night’s RAW to find out.
The show opened with a special Veteran’s Day tribute to our military from John Cena, as a voice over; followed by a recap of last week with a dramatic voice over similar to “TMZ” or a promo for a soap opera. The voice over recapped the current major storylines including Lawler returning after a heart attack, Vicki’s crusade to embarrass AJ/Cena, C.M. Punk holding the WWE title for 358 days and facing Cena tonight, and Brad Maddox screwing Ryback and facing him tonight for a $1,000,000 contract.
Yes, WWE is using a dramatic voice over guy just like TNA Impact, just like TMZ, and every sleazy tabloid show. Why? I don’t know. I probably won’t in this life time.
RANDY ORTON DEF DOLPH ZIGGLER – Fast-paced back and forth match-up with a lot of high-impact spots in a short span of time. Match ends when Alberto Del Rio tries to distract Orton with a run in, and Orton side steps Ziggler’s fame-asser, getting the pin with a roll up.
ADR and Ziggler (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) gave Orton a beat down until WWE Intercontinental champion made the save. Teddy Long, Senior Advisor to Smackdown GM Booker T, came out and made this a tag team match (per usual.)
DEL RIO/ZIGGLER DEF ORTON/KINGSTON – Interesting moment when Kingston had a pin on Del Rio. It seemed to me the ref had to stop short on his count because Ziggler was out of position and late w/the save. Ziggler-Rio get the win after Rodriguez distracts Kingston and Del Rio hits an inziguri to the back of the head for a pin.
Any reason they just couldn’t book a tag team match in the first place? Why waste the time?
(I’m guessing because SOMEBODY wasn’t willing to job out; coughing noises, RANDY ORTON, coughing noises.)
We were reminded of Jerry Lawler’s return later tonight, and shown Vicki Guerro making her way to the ring from backstage.
We returned from break with Dolph and Vicki in the ring, discussing the definition of “Scandal,” and Dolph staying out to find the truth. We recapped Vicki’s video “evidence” with Dolph riffing on Cena and AJ. Vicki ordered AJ to come out to explain herself and kept demanding AJ admit that she’s having an affair as the crowd vehemently chanted “Shut up Vicki!” AJ admitted only to being “friends” with John and made a joke about Vicki throwing her “considerable” weight around. Vicki responded by playing voice mails from AJ’s phone, each one sounding like an intimate talk with Cena. AJ insisted they were faked and Ziggler asked if those nights in Cena’s hotel room were more disappointing than not speaking to him anymore. Cena came out but was stopped short by AJ, who slapped Ziggler right in the face followed by a big right hand by Cena. Ziggler and Vicki run off as we were reminded that Cena will face Punk in the main event tonight.
1.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING!? Vicki HAS what she wanted, power over RAW, not that she’s using it for anything. And what good is attacking Cena doing her or Ziggler? You could say it’s strictly for attention, AND YOU’D BE GIVING US MORE MOTIVE THAT THE PEOPLE WRITING THIS DAMN SHOW DID!
2.) WHY IS THIS A “SCANDAL!?” Cena is divorced; AJ is not GM of RAW anymore, TRIPLE H MARRIED HIS BOSSES DAUGHTER WHILE HE WAS STILL AN ACTIVE WRESTLER! If they are having a “thing,” WHERE IS THE CONFLICT? WHAT IS THE BASIS OF VICKI’S COMPLAINT!? Vicki has nothing to gain here. She’s being an abusive authority figure for the sake of being an abusive authority figure. It’s annoying, tired, and played out.
3.) WHAT DOES ZIGGLER HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS? I don’t understand why Ziggler is helping Vicki take jabs at AJ and Cena, since Cena isn’t facing Ziggler at Survivor Series.
We get another look at World heavyweight Champion Big Show jumping Sheamus and Stephen Regal in a pub on last week’s Smackdown before going to an ad for IAVA.com, an organization dedicated to Iraqi/Afghanistan war veterans.
We came back to AJ and Cena backstage talking about Vicki and Dolph persecuting AJ over something that never happened, or could happen. AJ asked “never could happen?” A suddenly tongue tied Cena left the scene with AJ smiling at him. (Author’s note to Cena: RUN! FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN!)
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BIG SHOW DEF WILLIAM REGAL – Sadly, little more than a squash as it was mostly Regal selling Show’s offense and getting in brief moments of resistance. After the match, Show threatened to KO Regal with the big right hand, however Sheamus made the save, getting Show down and putting the boots to him. Show runs off as Sheamus looks after Regal.
KAITLIN DEF LAYLA – We went right into this match from the break. The match barley went five minutes until Kaitlin caught Layla in her arms. After what I thought was a botched slam (I was wrong,) Kaitlyn hits a reverse DDT for the three-count. Divas Champ Eve Torres, guest commentator at ringside, stands up and we get a stare-down. After that, we get another look at Lawler having a heart attack and an announcement of his big return next.
We came back to Michael Cole and Jim Ross in the ring, introducing Jerry Lawler. Lawler made his way into the ring and gave both Cole and JR a hug. Lawler thanked the crowd for their support and compared his situation to the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in that a near-death experience let him see how much he was loved. At that moment, WWE heavyweight champion C.M. Punk came out with Heyman. Punk mentioned how glad he was that Lawler left the ring before Punk beat him to death “again.” He accused Lawler of “disrespectful,” “bad taste”, by way of trying to go toe-to-toe with the champion at 62 years old. He said shame on you to the crowd for blaming him for Lawler’s attack, and that it’s nobody’s fault but Lawler’s. He reminded us all that he’s been champion 358 days and is now 9th longest reigning champion of all time. Lawler jokes about Punk’s reign being on “life support,” and Heyman responded by faking a heart attack. After Punk “saved” Heyman, Mick Foley came out to call Punk on the carpet. Punk claimed that since he got pulled out of the Survivor Series tag match, he and Foley had no business with each other, and Foley should concentrate on filling the “gaping hole” in his team. Foley responded by saying the WWE universe would decide who would get that spot late tonight. Punk suggested to Foley changing the team name to “Team Worthless,” in reference to him, his team, and the fans. Foley cut him off sharply, and let Punk in on a little secret about Lawler, “HE WAS DEAD!” He went on to say Punk didn’t care about lessons or respect. Punk referred to Foley as a “goof” who jumped off his roof. Foley informed Punk he would be the “special guest enforcer” in his match w/John Cena. Foley leaves with a “Have a Nice Day,” for Punk. We were shown a graphic confirming we would in fact have the option via Raw-active Twitter poll, and we went to break with a look at Brad Maddox.
We came back to Punk yelling at Heyman to “Fix it,” referring to Punk’s problems with Cena, Foley, Ryback, and the Maddox issue. After that, we go to ringside for the respective entrances of Sin Cara and Mysterio. Lawler was back at ringside. Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Epico, and the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young,) were in the ring.
8 MAN TAG: MYSTERIO, SIN CARA, GABRIEL/KIDD DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS/PRIMO & EPICO W/ROSA MENDEZ – Good solid trading of back and forth tag team offense to start off. Ricardo Rodriguez came out to give Rosa a note, upsetting Primo before we went to break. If I remember correctly, they hinted at a Del Rio/Rosa paring a few years ago, when Del Rio first came in. It’s nice to see them finally resolving that loose end.
Match ends with Mysterio hitting the 619, and Gabriel hitting the 450 on Young for the pin. The match is followed by an ad for the National Guard, and a camera shot of Ohio National guard members in the audience, along with a “Thank You,” from WWE.
Backstage: Brad Maddox prepped for his match when Heyman approached him. We went to break as they walked off.
We came back to a promo for “Fandango” and a backstage segment with Ziggler and Miz giving each other a hard time. Foley steps in and Ziggler walks off. Foley gives Ziggler a “hi,” from Amy Schumer. Miz asks Foley for a spot on the RAW-active ballot and Foley agrees. Our choices to vote for via Twitter were #Santino, #Ryder, #Miz.
Now is it me, or should this have gotten WAY more build up? Wouldn’t it have made sense for Ziggler to have been needling Miz about his losses over the last few weeks, building up to Miz wanting to settle things with him and seeing this as his opportunity? And why didn’t Foley come to Miz with the offer? Wouldn’t that have gotten Miz some credit?
R-TRUTH DEF. TENSAI – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro came out to call everyone fat and rude before joining the announce team. During the match, Cole and Lawler made a big deal of Cesaro carrying a satchel. Cesaro explained it was there to carry whatever he needed. R-truth dominated the match with high-spot offense and got the pin w/a “Little Jimmy.” Truth and Cesaro traded jabs at ringside, including a joke by Truth about Cesaro being “Europe in my face.”
After that, we get a look at the new WWE 13, video game, featuring Ryback destroying a player created Brad Maddox.
After a break we get a recap of the Brad Maddox situation leading up to tonight’s “Million Dollar Challenge,” as well as a recap of Vicki and Dolph tormenting Cena and AJ, AND a recap of Foley, Ziggler, Miz.
RYBACK DEF BRAD MADDOX – As Maddox came out, we saw an ambulance pull up to the side of the stage and Brad get visibly rattled. Brad walked to the ring as we were treated to a PIP promo of Brad claiming no one will forget his name. Ryback came out next, followed by a stretcher. The entire match is Ryback decimating Maddox, with Maddox getting ZERO offense. The match ends with Ryback getting the Shell-shock and the pin. After the match, medics try to take Maddox out on the stretcher but Ryback attacks, dumping Maddox off the stretcher and tossing him like garbage into the ambulance.
So, that whole thing with Heyman meant NOTHING!? That whole “million dollar challenge thing” goes NOWHERE? WHAT WAS THE POINT!?
Here’s another thing, let’s play this out on paper. A desperate young man, who’s had setback after setback, finally has a chance at his dream job and a million dollar contract, if he can beat an unstoppable monster. As he makes his way to the arena, the monster’s boss sends out an ambulance and a stretcher to intimidate him. Now if this were anywhere else in the world beside WWE RAW, who would YOU think was the “good guy?” And I know what Maddox did at HitC, what I’m saying is this makes Ryback look more like a heel than it does Maddox. And since Maddox lost, it comes off anti-climatic. The resolution falls flat.
SHEAMUS DEF. DAVID OTUNGA – We get a recap of Sheamus going after Big Show earlier tonight. While Sheamus destroys Otunga, Regal watches on the monitor in the back. Sheamus gets the pin with a combo of “White Noise,” and the “Brogue Kick.”
Backstage: Big Show attacks Regal.
We came back from break. Josh Mathews updates us on Regal’s condition. It’s a concussion and maybe a broken jaw. We go to a promo for the Wounded Warrior Project, an outfit designed to help returning soldiers with medical and psychological injuries.
Backstage: Kane makes his way to the ring when Daniel Bryan confronts him. They argue about Kane tagging with someone besides him with Bryan playing the role of jealous girlfriend. Bryan suggests going to Foley to protest but Kane just disappears on him. Bryan goes into his “NO!” routine much to the crowd’s delight.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE AND THE MIZ DEF. TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS (CODY RHODES/DAMIAN SANDOW) – Miz wins the RAW-active twitter poll to be Kane’s partner, and the crowd seems happy about it. Daniel Bryan comes out, seemingly to cheer on Kane. During the match, Bryan managed to distract Miz, setting up an opening for the Rhodes Scholars to take over. The match ends with Bryan going after Miz but Miz sending him crashing into Rhodes. Kane gets the pin with the choke-slam, and Bryan and Miz argue over Kane.
I just wrote that.
Yeah.
Daniel Bryan is now Kane’s jealous girlfriend. I’m just moving on….
We take a look at WWE’s annual tribute to the troops, and our main event is up next.
JOHN CENA DEF. WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK – Foleys out first as “special enforcer,” followed by Punk w/Heyman, and John Cena. The crowd is actually split between a man who’s granted a record 300 Make-a-Wish foundation visits and a man who mocked someone for having a heart attack.
We came back from a break to find Punk in control of the match. Point of interest is Punk applying a “new/improved” version of the “Anaconda Vice,” down on the mat, hands locked behind Cena’s head w/the left leg hooked under the chin. Cena eventually escapes and takes over. Heyman runs in but is caught off by Cena, and Foley drags Heyman out. Punk tries to limp away from the match but Ryback is out and chases him back into Cena’s clutches. Cena gets the pin w/the AA. The match ends with Cena and Ryback staring each other down, both clutching the belt, with Punk on the outside, looking like he’s gonna cry.
You know, this DOES work in terms of story. We have two of the most powerful forces in the WWE on a collision course, with the defending champion either caught in the middle, or getting shut out altogether. The problem is I don’ see it as a story; I see it as THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW WWE DOES THIS. I often tell myself that WWE is trying to book Punk like Ric Flair, the clever heel champ who always finds a way to weasel out of losing the title, but then I remember Flair was never treated like a prison bitch.
In conclusion, this show didn’t really do anything to sell me on Survivor Series this Sunday. All they did was rush through angles they failed to build up properly over the past month. Do you know what my advice to WWE is?
Sigh. What can I say? Night of Champions was actually really good. Nobody had a near-death experience on RAW, you would think all is right in the world. But sadly no, see the NHL is locked out. Yes, this is a wrestling site, true. But, man I share the sentiments of many fans who have disdain for both the owners and the players stealing the NHL from us over greed. Terrible. Perhaps Smackdown will lift my spirits? Perhaps some one might show up on the program we haven’t seen in a while? Let’s hop to it, shall we? (more…)
First, I want to apologize for the lateness of this article. There was a death in my family this week, and it took precedent over anything else. MATCH RESULTS
REY MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA DEF EPICO AND PRIMO – After the match, Rey-Cara were ambushed by the Prime Time Players, who said they were the rightful number one contenders to the tag title and wouldn’t let anyone take anything from them ever again.
EVE TORRES (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF BETH PHEONIX – The broadcast team spent this match speculating over whether or not Eve got her title match by injuring Kaitlin, the scheduled opponent for then champ Layla, who joined the team at ringside. Layla tried to take up the debate, but faltered.
BRODUS CLAY DEF HEATH SLATER – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro joined the broadcast team to set up a potential feud with Brodus.
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF SANTINO MARELLA – Marella got distracted trying to get his “Cobra” back from Vicki Guerro at ringside, leaving him vulnerable to two “Zigzags.”
WADE BARRETT DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – Little more than a squash to build up Barrett.
TEAM FRIENDSHIP DEF KINGSTON/R-TRUTH – Kane and Bryan constantly arguing left them vulnerable to double-teaming and high-impact spots, however Bryan brought the belts home with the “no” lock.
RANDY ORTON DEF TENSAI – This was the basic “face takes a beating but keeps coming back,” routine. Orton wins with the RKO.
DAMIEN SANDOW DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually looked good here, even getting a close two-count with the “broski boot,” but in the end it was another win for Sandow. Prior to this match, Sandow came out to remind us that this was back-to-school season, and attempted to give the crowd a “vocabulary lesson,” by running them down with terms like “ignoramuses,” and “miscreants.” This leads to a (heated) debate by the announcers over what counts as a “big word.”
SHEAMUS AND JOHN CENA DEF C.M. PUNK AND ALBERTO DEL RIO – We got a fast-paced back and forth, with everyone getting a piece of everyone else. Match ends with Cena getting an AA on Punk for the three-count despite Punk having a foot clearly on the ropes. Punk actually badgers the ref all the way to the back about the decision.
Highlights of the night included both Jim Ross and John Bradshaw Layfield joining Cole on commentary, and a repeated update on Jerry Lawler. He is home in Memphis, recuperating and will be on RAW next week for a special interview.
Overall, a solid, if uneventful RAW; at least till the end
RANDY ORTON/JERRY LAWLER DEF C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION)/DOLPH ZIGGLER
RYBACK DEF HEATH SLATER
KANE/DANIEL BRYAN DEF PRIME TIME PLAYERS – KANE/BRYAN NEW #1 CONTENDERS TO THE TAG TEAM TITLE
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF TYSON KIDD BY SUBMISSION
SHEAMUS DEF DAVID OTUNGA
CODY RHODES DEF REY MYSTERIO
In the ring promo – John Cena cuts his best promo ever on C.M. Punk.
RAW ends with Michael Cole cheering on Jerry Lawler to recover
Here’s the big issue tonight, Jerry Lawler collapses at ringside during the Kane/Bryan-PTP match. At the time of this writing, according to PWInsider/World Wrestling Insanity.com, Lawler is supposedly in stable condition, breathing on his own, and awaiting a cat-scan. No one knows anything else at this time.
This is taking on scary connotations for fans as this happened in Montreal, during a guest appearance by Brett Hart, drawing comparisons to the Owen Hart tragedy of 1997(?)
KOFI INGSTON & R-TRUTH W/SIN CARA def. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS W/CODY RHODES – Before the match, we get a recap of Truth celebrating his teams win at Summerslam by dumping Gatorade on little Jimmy, and a shot of the unflattering cartoon Cody Rhodes had made up of Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth started of the match with fast paced double-teaming on each of the PTP while Sin Cara ran off Rhodes. The heels took control on R-Truth, until he makes the hot tag to Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth take out the PTP’s while Cody and Cara wind up the match. Cody’s obsession with Cara’s mask gets him pinned for the three-count.
RYBACK def. MIKE SPINNER & ANDY TAVARES – Another Ryback squash with Jinder Mahal running in to get in a sneak attack. Ryback fights him off with his jawbreaker variation and proceeds to kill the jobbers while Mahal runs off.
RANDY ORTON def. ALBERTO DEL RIO – Del Rio leaves the car in the back and storms out angry. He shows us a picture from his match with Sheamus at Summerslam, proving his foot was clearly on the ropes and demands a rematch with Sheamus right now. AJ skips out and greets Alberto with “hello” in Spanish. (I don’t know how to spell it.) She can’t give him a shot at Sheamus because that’s Booker T’s call. She does give him a match and tells him to “say hello” to his “little friend.” Randy Orton comes out. After the break, Sheamus comes out to join commentary. The match is back and forth with a lot of striking, stomping, and highspots. Del Rio goes for the win but Sheamus gets the ref to see Orton’s foot on the rope. Del Rio gets hot with Sheamus and turns around into an RKO, for a three-count.
DAMIEN SANDOW def. BRODUS CLAY – We start off with a brief recap of the feud and how Sandow hurt Clay’s leg. As Sandow walks to the ring, we get picture-in-picture comments from Sandow vowing to get rid of Clay once and for all. We’re welcome. The match is basically Brodus tossing and squashing Sandow, and Sandow going after the bad knee. Sandow dodges a charge and rolls up Clay for a three-count with a hand full of tights, despite Clay NOT having both shoulders down, but I guess I’m the only one who cares. After the match, Clay got his revenge with a t-bone suplex and the big splash on Sandow. And we get a celebratory hug from the Funkadactyls and a dance party with kids.
BIG SHOW def DAVID OTUNGA – Earlier tonight, Otunga offered his legal services to AJ, but made the mistake of using the “c” word. (NOT THAT C-WORD! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW! “CRAZY!” HE SAID “CRAZY!”) AJ ordered him to wrestle an opponent of her choice. This was a straight-up squash, with an angry Show just overwhelming Otunga with a brutal beat-down.
KANE & ZACK RYDER vs. BRYAN AND THE MIZ: NO CONTEST – AJ ordered this match as a way of making Kane and Bryan deal with “anger issues.” The match ends with the heels bailing (in Bryan’s case, through the crowd,) and Kane brutalizing the timekeeper and Tomb-stoning Ryder.
KAITLIN WINS DIVA ROYAL – Sloppy filler, dragged out to long. Kaitlin wins by eliminating Eve, and becomes new #1 contender to the Divas title, held by Layla, who was at ringside.
DOLPH ZIGGLER def. CHRIS JERICHO: CONTRACT VS. CONTRACT – Earlier in the night, AJ skipped in on an argument between Jericho and Ziggler and made this match with the stipulation that if Jericho wins, he gets Ziggler’s MiTB briefcase, and if Ziggler wins, Jericho’s contract is cancelled. The match is a face paced exchange of back and forth high-spots, including a scary flip off the top rope that I’m not sure went according to plan. Jericho hooked Ziggler under the arms with his legs, and flipped backwards, tossing Ziggler up and over. Ziggler landed on his head and it looked scary. Match ends with Jericho’s Lionsault hitting Ziggler’s knees and a Zig-Zag for the three-count. After the match, Jericho beats Ziggler down with his own briefcase.
HIGHLIGHTS
•Paul Heyman opening the show with Lesnar – Heyman coins the term “Brocktagon,” and refers to Brock as the new “King of Kings,” and “Lord and Master of the WWE.” Lesnar calls out the ref from Sunday night’s Summerslam match to tell him two words – “good job.”
•AJ coming out to book Orton/Del Rio – She came off slightly racist with the Spanish hello and Scarface quote.
•Summerslam Recap – Antonio Cesaro winning the US title and “touting” from the ring, followed by Summerslam week highlights in L.A. (Santino working in a restaurant, Be a Star anniversary, Divas on the red carpet.)
•Shawn Michaels Live Satellite interview – Shawn sells the schmaltz big with his confession that he should’ve told hunter he couldn’t beat Brock. He tells Hunter “I love you,” “We all love you,” “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
•C.M. Punk offering Cena a title shot IF he admits Punk is the “best in the world.” Cena refuses and dares Punk to pick someone else.
•Punk demanding an apology from Lawler – Lawler apologizes, but when he refuses to call Punk “the best in the world,” he gets a kick to the back of the head.
TWITTER AND TOUTS
•Punk on Tout, announcing he would pick his own #1 contender that night.
•The entire WWE universe – Commenting on Hunter/Lesnar; via Twitter
•Summerslam recap interviews: Punk demands respect, Cena is disappointed, Big Show is angry.
RYTMANS’ RANT
No one thing to rant about this week. I have to admit that for the most part, his show was pretty solid and kept moving nicely. Of course, they STILL went overtime but…
I do want to comment on how badly Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus are being booked. Sheamus is losing credibility as a champion, as he can’t seem to finish off this feud convincingly. And the whole “taking the title shot away from Del Rio just to give it back” routine ran out of gas a week ago. IF Del Rio were a face, winning back his title shots from a heel GM, this might work, however it’s a heel, who we’re supposed to root against, constantly given legitimate complaints. It’s time for Sheamus to move on to someone else.
SIDE NOTE: Is there a reason Randy Orton is beating all the top heels? It would make sense if he was being built as Punk’s next challenger, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan.
How is AJ supposed to be better than Johnny Ace? Isn’t she doing the exact same things he did? AJ has to do something else besides torment her ex-boyfriends. You’re just wasting what was at first a fresh; interesting character on the same BS you’ve been doing all damn year.
Also, if Cena had just come out and said to Punk, “Take your title shot and shove it,” or words to that effect, he would’ve gotten the effect he wanted, maybe won over a few fans, and FINISHED THE SHOW ON TIME!
That’s it for this week peep-holes. I’ll see you next time, on RYT-TIME.
We open with a recap of last Monday when AJ gave John Cena and Big Show both the title shot at C.M. Punk at Summerslam.
RAW GM AJ Lee is out first to give us a rundown of big matches she’s lined up tonight, including Randy Orton vs. The Big Show, and John Cena vs. Daniel Brian.
C.M. Punk comes out to apologize for yelling at her last week, saying everybody makes mistakes, like AJ did last week making the Summerslam match a three-way. Punk tries to weasel out of the match. When AJ refuses to change the card, Punk accuses her of trying to get back at him for turning down her marriage proposal.
John Cena comes out. He talks about how Punk has become one of those guys that demand respect instead of earning it. He mentions that he’s won 11 world titles and still has to fight for respect, and mentions how the odds are against him in a three way.
Side Note: Crowd could be 60% Cena.
Big Show heads for the ring. AJ puts the kibosh on the proceedings and suggests everyone save their aggression for their respective matches tonight. Punk demands that he get a match tonight as well. AJ agrees, but she’ll let the WWE universe pick Punk’s opponent via twitter vote.
#Mysterio
#Kane
#TheMiz
Later tonight, Triple H confronts Brock Lesnar
We come back from a commercial break; and Jerry Lawler announces Rey Mysterio as the winner on twitter.
WWE CHAMPION VS C.M. PUNK
It’s a relatively slow-paced, high-spot trade-off. It ends when Mysterio hits the 619 but lands a splash attempt on Punk’s knees. Punk hits the GTS.
WINNER: C.M. PUNK
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Roberto Rodriguez pull up in a Ferrari. Del Rio barks at RR to pull a table out of his way so he can park. ADR and RR leave the car unattended.
COMMERCIAL
Promo: Wade Barret is coming back.
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez kiss up to AJ. She agrees to give Alberto the night off; until he digs on Ricardo for saying she might do something crazy. The “c” word gets her riled up and she books Alberto in a match up next. Alberto yells at RR to get his gear.
Later tonight, HBK-the heartbreak kid-Shawn Michaels will make a special guest appearance tonight!
Christian is in the ring as RR introduces ADR; who is still dressing on his way to the ring. We recap the Sheamus/Del Rio feud, going back to Del Rio slamming a car hood on Sheamus’ head.
CHRISTIAN VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
Christian comes on strong and the match becomes a quick exchange of holds/escapes, and hard hits. Christian goes up top but the distraction from RR leaves him open to a shot to the head with a boot by Del Rio, who locks in the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Up on the Titantron, Sheamus is with Del Rio’s super-expensive Ferrari. He says Alberto’s right about how Sheamus needs some class, so he’s going to class himself up, starting with his ride – actually Del Rio’s ride. It seems RR left the keys in the car after scrambling for Del Rio’s gear. Sheamus “borrows” the car and drives off while ADR loses his mind in the ring.
Big Show will face Randy Orton next.
BIG SHOW VS RANDY ORTON
The match falls into a simple pattern. Orton comes on strong but gets shut down by Show’s power. Show tries to ground Orton but Randy slips out. The match ends on the arena floor when Show spears Orton on the outside.
DOUBLE COUNT OUT: NO CONTEST
After the match, Orton sidesteps a WMD and scores an RKO on the Show.
COMMERCIAL
SUMMERSLAM PROMO
Tyler Recks and Curt Hawkins are in the ring. Ryback is introduced. As he comes to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture of Ryback referring to the WWE as his food supply.
TYLER RECKS/CURT HAWKINS VS RYBACK
Recks carries the match and actually has an impressive showing against Ryback, with Hawkins doing little more at first that providing distractions. Hawkins and Recks get in some nice looking double teaming, but the match ends with Ryback crushing Hawkins in the cradle-drop.
WINNER: RYBACK
COMMERCIAL
PRIME TIME PLAYERS VS PRIMO/EPICO
We come back w/both teams already in the ring. AW hypes up his team and they do the “millions of dollars” routine as the match starts. Epico drop-kicks Darien Young out of the ring, but Titus O’Neil takes over on Primo and the PTP double team him. Primo gets in some high-offense, but gets beat down some more. He finally tags in Epico, who comes in with high energy, and unloads on both PTP members. AW pulls his men out of this fight and tries to take a powder. Tag team champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston cut them off. Mo/Co take the fight back in the ring and Primo hits the backstabber for the three count.
WINNERS: PRIMO/EPICO
We recap Damian Sandow getting martyred by DX and brutalizing Brodus Clay the following week.
Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews Sandow. Sandow is obligated to remove all foolishness from the WWE. He calls dancing wasteful and has chosen to take out Brodus Clay tonight.
We are welcome.
COMMERCIAL
Brodus comes out with the girls, but Sandow cuts the show short by clipping Clay’s leg from behind. The brawl spills to the floor, and Sandow continues to stomp the leg. Clay is hurt.
NO CONTEST
Backstage: AJ and Bryan are conversing. Bryan says when he beats Cena tonight AJ will have to make the main event at Summerslam a fatal-four way. AJ informs Bryan he’ll be facing Kane at Summerslam. This becomes a duel of chants. Brian says “NO!” AJ says “YES!” After a few fake outs, AJ wins and Brian storms off.
KELLY KELLY VS EVE
Apparently, this match is a penalty for Eve “touting” negatively about AJ. Eve tries to blow the match off, but KK goes right after her with an unusually vicious onslaught. KK unloads a flurry on Eve who bails outside for a breather, but KK goes right after her and pours it on. Eventually, Eve gets an opening by Pulling Kelly off the top rope and dropping her hard. Eve takes over with choking and chin locks, but Kelly rallies and gets the three count with a head scissors/roll up combo.
WINNER: KELLY KELLY
We recap Sheamus stealing Del Rio’s car before The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels makes his big guest spot. Shawn thanks the WWE universe for giving him a chance to be part of history with the 1000th show two weeks ago. Before Shawn can continue, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out to interrupt. Heyman lectures on the differences between “entertaining” and “fighting.” Shawn tells Lesnar he made a mistake bringing Hunters’ family into it. Lesnar mentions how Shawn never fought him, and makes a move towards HBK. Triple H runs out and joins HBK in the ring. Lesnar backs off, promising to see Hunter at Summerslam, and HBK sooner than that.
We get ANOTHER recap of Sheamus swiping ADR’s car; followed by Sheamus sending a “Tout” from the car.
Chris Jericho is on commentary with the King and Cole. Vicki comes out to introduce Dolph Ziggler.
We get a recap of Ziggler and Jericho one upping each other over the past few weeks.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS ALEX RILEY
Pretty basic match dominated by Ziggler. The story here is Ziggler is focusing more on Jericho than Riley. Jericho distracts Ziggler by getting up on the table and putting him on “Tout.” This gives Riley a chance to roll Ziggler up for three.
WINNER: ALEX RILEY
Sheamus gives us a “Tout” of him eating Mexican food in Del Rio’s car.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ VS KANE
Match falls into a pattern pretty quickly. Kane pummels Miz, and Miz kicks Kane’s legs out from under him. In the end, Kane is too much for Miz. Choke-slam = three count.
WINNER: KANE
Backstage: Sheamus brings back the car covered in garbage/filth, and asks a crew member to park it.
Daniel Bryan makes his way down, going ape in response to the “YES!” chant, demanding people stop.
Backstage: Del Rio makes RR clean up the car.
COMMERCIAL
MAIN EVENT: JOHN CENA VS DANIEL BRIAN
The crowd gets going with “let’s go Cena/C.M. Punk,” chant. Bryan insists this is about him. He stalls for time by going out and yelling at the fans.
Back in the ring, Cena takes control quickly, but Bryan counters out. Most of the match is Bryan working the arm and hitting high-impact kicks. Cena is down and Bryan is all up in a fan’s face at the break.
COMMERCIAL
Bryan is still in control when we come back. Cena makes the Superman comeback and hits the five knuckle shuffle. Cena tries for an STF but Bryan counters. Bryan gets the face-lock/body scissors combo on Cena, but Cena powers out. The match ends after an exchange of holds leads to Cena hoisting Bryan up in the AA, for three.
WINNER: JOHN CENA
After the match, C.M. Punk gets out in Cenas’ face. Cena shoves him away when he sees Big Show coming. Show and Cena go at it till Punk knocks them down from behind. Punk gets a head set on commentary and goes on a diatribe about not allowing people to disrespect him anymore. He gets back in the ring to Kick Show in the head, but Show catches the leg and clocks Punk w/the WMD, followed by one for Cena.
RAW ends with the Big Show hoisting the WWE title on his shoulder; and his Summerslam opponents down on the mat.
