Tag Archive: Raw Recap

  1. RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP

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    We open the show w/a montage of the Shield beating down people, until last week when Cena, Sheamus & Ryback led the charge against them.  Also, the Rock is here tonight.

    Paul Heyman is in the ring, announcing that tonight is the last night we will ever see Paul Heyman.  He talks about his passions and his sacrifices, and all the things he gave up – including his parents fortune – to bring us ECW, and Brock Lesnar.  He talks of C.M. Punk being the man to carry WWE into the long-term future.

    “You don’t have to be Nostradamus to see into the future.  And I can see into the future,  and I can tell you ladies and gentlemen, something bad is going to happen here.  And that Sword Of Damocles is hanging straight over my head, and it is going to come down not just on me, but every single person around me, and that means it’s going to come down on C.M. Punk.” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman goes on to tender his resignation, saying essentially that the McMahon’s obsession with him and his dealings make him an obstacle to Punk winning back the title, and with that, he says goodbye.

    C.M. Punks’ music hits and Punk comes out.  Punk asks Heyman why he’s doing this.  Heyman replies that in the land of the McMahon’s, perception is reality.  Vince McMahon’s perception is that Heyman was behind Brad Maddox and the Shield, and whatever happens to Heyman will happen to C.M. Punk.  He claims Vince is planing to screw them over big at Elimination Chamber and Wrestlemania.  Punk argues that he is a “Paul Heyman guy,” and that there are a lot of “Heyman guys” out there.  Punk insists that he will resume his historic title reign as WWE champion at Elimination Chamber and that Heyman will be in his corner.  Paul is so moved by this show of support, that he renounces his resignation.  Punk/Heyman embrace, while ringside commentators Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler make derogatory comments comparing this to the Pope’s resignation and “the most ridiculous love-fest” Cole’s ever been a part of.

    The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, makes his way to the ring as we go to break…

    We come back to Khali dancing in the ring w/Natalia & Hornswoggle.  The dancing stops as Henry makes his way to the ring.  We get a recap of Henry squashing Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara last week, and his win over Randy Orton on last Friday’s Smackdown, which qualified him for the Elimination Chamber.

    MARK HENRY VS THE GREAT KHALI

    This match BARELY goes five minutes, maybe less.  Khali pummles Henry into the corner, and hits big slaps to the cest and head-butts.  Henry fights back with kicks and gets Khali in the corner, but runs into an elbow, and a big boot to the face.  Khali side-steps Henry into the corner and goes back to the big chest-slap and head butt.  Henry blocks a shot, hits a few big right-hands, and gives Khali a short-splash into the corner.  Henry hits a big clothes-line, then ends it with the world’s stongest slam for three.

    WINNER: MARK HENRY

    After the match, Henry gets back in the ring, catches Hornswoggle from behind, and crushes him w/the world’s strongest slam.

    “That’s What I Do!” – Mark Henry

    This Friday on Smackdown, Orton gets Henry in a re-match.

    Later tonight, Cena, Sheamus & Ryback vs #MB…

    And break…

    We come back to Teddy Lond and Smackdown GM Booker T discussing how impressive Mark Henry is, when Chris Jericho steps up to request a spot in the Chamber.  Teddy is readdy to put him in right now.  Booker says “Hold up dawg,” and says Jerico has to impress him.  Teddy whispers a suggestion to Booker.

    “Teddy, that idea sucks.” – Booker T.

    Booker suggests that Jericho earn a spot by beating someone already in the match, Daniel Bryan.  Jericho agrees to face Daniel “Beard-on” and get back into the chamber and go one step closer to becoming a “seven-time, seven-time, seven-time Heavyweight Champion of the World.”

    “NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?” – Chris Jericho.

    Jericho walks off, leaving Booker wide-eyed in disbelief.

    We shift to Vicki Guerrero in her office, on the phone.  Heyman walks in, demanding her time.  He requests that Vicki add a stipulation to the WWE title match at Elimination Chamber.  If the Rock is counted out/disqualified, Punk will be awarded the title.  Vicki refuses, then her phone rings.  It’s Vince McMahon.  Heyman tries to brown-nose Vinny Mac, but Vince cuts him off and demands to know what stipulation he wants.  Heyman makes a sheepish request for the count-out/dq stip, and Vince agrees.  Heyman thanks Vince for the stip and goes on to call him a “father figure.” Vince hangs up on him.  Heyman says Vicki has a lousy phone, and Vicki laughs.

    Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring as we go to break…

    We come back to a promo for “FANDANGO” coming soon, followed by Jericho making his way to the ring.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN VS CHRIS JERICHO

    The bell rings.  Jericho scores two schoolboy roll-ups, two arm-drags, and an ARMBAR!  Bryan reverses it into a wrist-lock and a hammer-lock.  Booker T and Teddy Long watch a monitor from backstage.  Jericho elbows Bryan’s face and hits the ropes. Bryan leap-frogs Jericho, drops down, Jericho goes over, and Bryan hits a knee to Jericho.  Bryan kicks Jericho in the chest, the back, hits a snap-mare, a knee-drop, he gets two, and goes to work on Jericho’s arm.  Bryan wrist-locks Jericho, works the arm over his shoulder, Jericho reverses the wrist-lock and scores a chop.  Jericho puts the boot to him and backs Bryan into the corner with a forearm smash.  Bryan reverses a whip into the ropes, Jericho hits a kick to the face, but Bryan sends him up, over, and out to the floor.  Bryan tosses Jericho back in.  Jericho hits a shoulder-block, but misses a second-rope ricochet body-press and lands on the floor.  Bryan hits a flying tackle through the ropes, and both men are hurting as we go to break…

    As we come back, Bryan slides out of a suplex attempt, and rolls Jericho up for two.  Jericho kicks out and hits a clothes-line.  Jericho chokes Bryan in the corner, whips him across the ring, charges into a boot, and Bryan hits the charging drop-kick in the corner on Jericho.  Jericho reverses a whip, Bryan goes up the corner ropes and over Jericho, Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, and Bryan sends him over the ropes.  Jericho lands on his feet, goes up-top, misses a flying fore-arm, and Bryan hits a clothes-line.  Bryan charges Jericho, Jericho catches the legs and goes for the Walls Of Jericho.  Bryan flips him off but runs into an elbow.  Jericho goes for a Lion-sault but hits the knees of Bryan.  Bryan goes up-top but Jericho cuts him off and crotches him on the top corner.  Jericho hits a chop and goes for a super-plex, but Bryan shoves him off and scores a flying head-butt for two.  Bryan hits a few knees to the face, but Jericho catches a leg and hooks the Walls Of Jericho!  Bryan holds on and powers out of it, twisting it into a “No-Lock” attempt,  but can’t lock his hands.  Jericho reverses it into another WOJ attempt, but Bryan flips him off and hits a vicious kick to the head for two.  Bryan gets the crowd going “Yes!” by going “No!” and sets in with shin kicks to Jericho.  Jericho tries another roll-up, Bryan kicks out, and Jericho hits the Code-breaker for a three-count.

    WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

    Jericho is now in the Elimination Chamber.  Later tonight, the Shield will address us.  Up next, John Cena, Sheamus and Ryback face the Three Man Band.

    We come back to a recap of last week, when Cena and friends ran off the Shield.

    JOHN CENA, SHEAMUS, AND RYBACK VS 3MB (HEATH SLATER, JINDER MAHAL & DREW MACINTYRE)

    Apparently, Jerry Lawler has taken exception to Heath Slater making comments about singing, and dancing better than Elvis Presley…

    “I told him [Slater] I wish you’d go to the bathroom like Elvis Presley.” – Jerry Lawler

    Slater starts off with Ryback.  He shoots off his mouth, plays air guitar, takes a boot to the stomach, and gets press-slamed.  Ryback tags in Sheamus, who brutalizes Drew MacIntyre.  Cena tags in and faces off with Jinder Mahal.  Match breaks down into a brawl and ends with the Cena-friends each hitting a finisher on a band member. (AA, Shell-shock, and White Noise.)

    WINNERS: TEAM CENA

    After the match, Cena and co. each take a turn calling out the Shield.  We go to a recap of Alberto Del Rio sabotaging Big Show’s bus and dropping paint all over him.

    We go to earlier today, with Yoshi Tatsu and Alex Riley both joking about the Show’s misfortune.  It ends with Show clocking them both out.

    And we go to break…

    We come back to Big Show making his way to the ring for an interview.  Matt Striker gets KO’d before he’s halfway through a sentence.  Show grabs the mike and spends several minutes trying to say something.  However he’s too angry and just drops the mike, and walks off.

    We get another look at the tribute video for Bruno Samartino’s Hall Of Fame induction and we’re told there is an exclusive interview w/Bruno and Hunter Hearst Helmsley about Bruno accepting the nodd this year.  We’re also reminded that the Rock will be here tonight.

    JACK SWAGGER VS ZACK RYDER

    Ryder’s in the ring and Swagger makes his way to the ring with a man referred to as “Jebadiah Coulter,” (who I believe might be Dutch Mantel.) Ryder gets in some offense, but Swagger wrestles more viciously then ever, and after bouncing Ryder’s head and back off the turn-buckles, he ends this with the “Patriot Act.” (Ankle Lock Submission.)

    WINNER: JACK SWAGGER

    After the match, Jeb Coulter is given the mike and delivers a vaguely racist diatribe about “getting rid of” people who aren’t “real Americans.”

    Backstage, Booket and Teddy are discussing Swagger and Jeb, when Dolph Ziggler steps in w/AJ and Big E.  Angered that Jericho is back with a spot in the Elimination Chamber match, he demands a chance at the last spot.  Booker agrees, and puts him in a qualifying match… with Kane.

    We get a recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Miz TV and the Miz last week.

    Miz makes his entrance as we go to Break.  He faces Cody Rhodes next.

    THE MIZ VS CODY RHODES

    U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro is at ringside, making refrences to his brawl with Miz last week.  Cesaro says he caries the American Flag to “rub it in everybody’s face,” how much better he is than us.  Match is a by-the-numbers back-and-forth until it goes to the outside.  Cesaro gets up in Miz’s face, Miz boots him down and goes to work on Cody, until Cesaro shoves him into the ringpost.  Cesaro swings Miz into the guardrail as officals try to break it up.

    WINNER BY DQ: THE MIZ

    We then get a feature about the WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge, where WWE talent go to schools to talk about the importance of reading and children are rewarded for good literacy w/a chance to go to Wrestlemania.

    Later tonight, we hear from the Rock and The Shield.

    We go to break…

    We come back to Rosa Mendes shakin’ her thing in the ring, with Epico and Primo.  Brodus Clay makes his entrance w/Tesai and the Pom-Pom waving Funkadactyls.

    BRODUS CLAY/TENSAI VS PRIMO/EPICO

    Team Mo/Co are straight up jobbed out to the Funkasaurus and the “hip-hop-hippo.” Tensai wins it w/a splash.

    WINNERS: TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY

    After the match, Rosa gets up in Tensai’s face, but is sent packing by some nifty double-teaming by Naomi/Cameron.

    And we go to break…

    After the break, the Shield make their way to the ring.  They answer the challenge of Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback by calling them out.  They cut a promo about Cena failing everyday and how Cena will fail again at Elimination Chamber.  Their problem is “The John Cena Problem.” He lives in a bubble with no consequences.  That’s not the real world.  And he’s laid the groundwork for an entire generation of superstars to be just like him.  The Shield will undo a decade of injustice, and invite their opponents to “breath as much fresh air as possible.” They stand around in defiance for a few moments… then the lights go out.  When they come back on, Cena and company are each fighting a member of the Shield.  After a wild brawl, the Shield take a powder, and Cena’s team smile and slap hands w/the fans.

    We get a recap of Heyman’s resignation and Punk talking him out of it.  The Rock will be here later tonight, and Alberto Del Rio makes his way to ringside w/Ricardo Rodriguez.

    And break…

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DAMIEN SANDOW

    Sandow comes out to berate Nashville (the sight of tonight’s show) for listening to Country Music.  Ricardo introduces ADR with the full support of the crowd.  Sandow starts off strong with kicks, knees, and a Russian leg-sweep/”elbow of disdain” combo, but misses a charge and Del Rio takes over with clothes-lines, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick for two.  Del Rio gets the “Si” chant going and ens this surprisingly quickly w/the arm-breaker.

    WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    Alberto cuts a promo, inviting Big Show to pack up his bus and go to Mexico, while he goes to Wrestlemania after their match at Elimination Chamber.

    WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring for a match w/Kofi Kingston, but is jumped from behind by Bo Dallas.  Barrett is down as we go to break.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS KOFI KINGSTON

    The match is basically Kofi’s speed and striking ability vs Wade’s muscle and brawling tactics.  Recurring theme in the match is both men ducking each others high-spots.  Kofi dives after Wade.  Wade catches Kofi’s head in the ring apron and gets the three with the bull-hammer elbow.

    WINNER: WADE BARRETT

    And break…

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

    Kane starts off in control with big right hands and tossing Ziggler around as we go to break…

    We come back and Kane in still in control, until it spills outside.  Big E distracts Kane and Ziggler sends him into the guardrail.  Kane beats the ten count.  The match quickly goes back/forth with each man hitting one big spot after another, until Kane goes up top.  AJ jumps on the ring to get a distraction, Kane misses the clothesline, Ziggler sends AJ into Big E’s arms, and his distraction allows Kane to hit the choke-slam for three and the last spot in the Chamber.

    WINNER: KANE

    When we come back, our main event… a promo by The Rock.

    We’re back with a look at the Elimination Chamber match itself and…FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME OUT TO DO A PROMO!

    Story Time!  The Rock regales us all with a story about how, when he was 15, his family moved to Tennessee.  He was already 6’4′ and 220 lbs. and not getting any action because girls thought he was a undercover cop.  One night, he’s in a bar, and buys a car from a crackhead for $40.  After driving for a while, he finds a second crackhead in the car and kicks him out, then abandons the car in a Burger King parking lot at 2 a.m. because he suspected it was stolen.  The moral of the story…

    1. Don’t buy a car from a crackhead.

    2. Don’t be like the Rock at 15, doing all the stuff you shouldn’t.

    Rock then talks about being 25 and wrestling at used car dealerships for $40 a night, and dreaming of someday being WWE champion, just like he will be, after Elimination Chamber.

    Punk’s music hits, and he’s out with Paul Heyman.  Rock compares them to characters form “Twilight,” (Fat werewolf/Homeless Vampire,) and challenges Punk to “just bring it.” Punk strolls down to the ring, fakes changing his mind, and storms the ring.  Punk actually had Rock on the defensive, until Rock hit the “Smackdown” (Spine-buster) on him.  Rock goes for the “Peoples’ Elbow,” but Heyman trips him up.  Punk hits the GTS on Rock, and leaves with the belt.

    “Whenever you Bring it, Because it’s mine, I’ll just take it.” – C.M. Punk 

  2. RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP

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    Sorry it took so long.

    We start with the recap of last week.  Cena announces his challenge for the WWE title and gets beat down by the Shield, along with Ryback and Sheamus.  Vince catches Paul Heyman in his lie and gets F5’d by Brock Lesnar before he can fire Heyman.

    We open with C.M. Punk walking down to the ring, he walks up to a young fan and fakes giving him a “High-five” so he can snatch his “it’s my birthday” sign, and wreck it.  Punk commanders a mike and orders Justin Roberts into the ring, forcing him to announce Punk as “The Peoples Champion.” He then denies over-reacting to his situation, clamming he acted the way anyone else would act…

    “If you think I over-reacted… it’s clear to me you’ve never held anything as special as the WWE championship… in fact I doubt anyone in this building has ever done anything great in their entire life.” – C.M. Punk

    Punk claims he was “screwed” and the title in its “physical form” stolen from him.  He then addresses the video of Heyman with Maddox and the Shield from last week.  He goes to fans in the front row, calling one “four eyes,” another “sweet-heart,” and asking Michael Cole if any of them saw him in the video.  They each say no.  Back in the ring, Punk compares Heymans claim that he wasn’t in the video, against Vince McMahon, who put HIS video on HIS Titan-tron on HIS television show…

    “He is going to Doctor a video and he is going to play it on his television show, and all of you mindless, no-good, low down, fat, stupid, lazy people are gonna eat it up.” – C.M. Punk

    Punk goes on to say Vince “deserved” to have his hip broken by Brock Lesnar, claiming it was Karma.  Punk invites anyone to step up and try shut him up, promising to punch their face and toss them back on the side of the railing they belong.  Punk continues his tirade until Smackdown GM Booker T, interrupts him.  Booker has a miserable time trying to call Vicki “managing supervisor,” and informs him she allowed him to come out and decide Punk’s fate.  Booker decides we can decide Punk’s opponent for tonight.  We have to download the WWE app and vote for a “Wrestlemania Rematch.”

    Our choices are…

    • Randy Orton
    • Rey Mysterio
    • Chris Jericho

    Booker is out, and we go to Michael Cole giving us a tutorial on using the app.  We’re promised an “epic announcement” about the hall of fame later tonight, and Ryback makes his entrance as we go to break.

    Back from break, we get Randy Orton on WWE RAW-active, mentioning how perfect it would be to shut Punk up with an RKO, right here in Atlanta, the sight of his Wrestlemania victory over Punk.

    WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. RYBACK

    Cesaro makes his way to the ring waving the U.S. flag, as Cole makes a quick mention of his Wrestlemania “streak.”

    Cesaro starts off with an amateur style go-behind, Ryback muscles out and tosses Cesaro w/a fireman’s carry-like lift.  Ryback pummels Cesaro in the corner, Cesaro fights back with a head-butt.  Ryback gets a hip-toss, drops the leg across the face of Cesaro, and gets a two-count.  Ryback scoops him up and hangs him in a “tree-of-woe” position in the corner.  Ryback stomps him for a few moments until the ref orders a break, and Cesaro rolls outside the ring.  Ryback goes out and tosses Cesaro back in.  Cesaro catches Ryback with a stomp to the head, and continues stomping.  Cesaro picks Ryback up and hits a short-knee, European upper-cut, and a whip into the ropes. Ryback reverses it and hits a Thez-press.  Ryback bounces Cesaro off the mat a few times and hoists him up by the head, tossing him into a corner.  Ryback charges, Cesaro moves, Ryback hits the corner and Cesaro hits a clothesline to the back.  Both men are down as we go to break.

    Back from break, Cesaro has a headlock but Ryback shoots him into the ropes and takes him down hard just by standing there.  He hits a few clotheslines then hoists Cesaro up, and plants him down (D-Lo Brown style.) Cesaro rolls out and walks off.  Ryback goes after him, hits a clothesline to the back.  Shot to the face by Ryback, and he rolls Cesaro into the ring.  Cesaro catches Ryback by the head and drops down, pulling Ryback neck-first into the rope.  Sliding kick to the leg by Cesaro and Ryback meets the edge of the ring with his face.  Cesaro, on the outside sends Ryback into the post, then into the stairs.  Ryback just beats the ten-count back into the ring.  Cesaro pummels Ryback in the corner, the holding Ryback by the head, goes up on the top rope, plants his knee on Ryback’s shoulder, and shoves off, driving Ryback backwards into the matt with his knee on Ryback’s face.  Cesaro gets a one-count.  Cesaro charges in, but meets a knee-lift, an elbow, and takes a huge back-body drop, followed by a “Meat-hook” clothesline.  Cesaro tries to escape through the crowd. Ryback catches him and puts him back in the ring.  Cesaro hits a huge boot to the face, but Ryback catches him by the leg when he tries a second time.  Ryback hits a Power-bomb and the “Shell-shock” for the pin.

    WINNER: RYBACK                                                                              

    We get another plug for the app as we’re reminded we can choose Punk’s opponent for his Wrestlemania rematch.  We go back to last week to see John Cena challenge for the WWE championship, and get beat down by the Shield.  Sheamus runs in, and gets beat down.  Ryback runs in, and gets beat down.  We take a special look at the Shield, when we come back.

    Back from break, we see Chilli from hip hop R&B group TLC in the crowd tonight.  We then see Rey Mysterio on “WWE Active” doing a promo w/Matt Stryker, saying he should face Punk because he’s the only one who’s ever taken his hair.  We then get a video package on the Shield, including a montage of beat downs on WWE superstars.  We go backstage where Vicki Guerro is with Cena.  She’s heard about his plan to confront the Shield tonight, and compares it to the movie “Death Wish.”  Cena reminds her he won the Royal Rumble, he’s going to Wrestlemania, and the Shield needs to be stopped tonight.

    We get another look at the video package for Trish Stratus, going into the HOF, and are reminded of the “epic announcement” later tonight, as we go to break.

    We’re back, and this time it’s Jericho on WWE Active, saying it’s our second chance to see who the best in the world is.

    Santino Morella hits the ring and Booker T joins Cole and Lawler at ringside, followed by the “Real American” Jack Swagger.

    JACK SWAGGER VS SANTINO MORELLA 

    We start with a lock up, and Swagger puts Morella down hard.  Swagger takes him back into the ropes and hits a knee.  Swagger whips Santino into the ropes and Santino starts his “power-walking” bit, but Swagger kills it with a knee, followed by a tackle to the leg. Swagger pummels Santino in the corner but misses a charge.  Morella ducks a big right and hits some punches.  Swagger blocks a hip toss, but Morella ducks the clothesline and hits a few rights.  Santino tries a whip, but Swagger no-sells, knees Santino, hits the Swagger-Bomb, and the “Patriot Act,” for the win. (Patriot Act = Ankle lock.)

    We’re reminded of our chance to vote for Punk’s opponent as we go to break.

    We come back with a promo for Wrestlemania, and we get an apology from the WWE.  Apparently, so many people voted, the system crashed.

    WHC Alberto Del Rio makes his entrance as we get a recap of his feud w/Big Show, starting with the attack on RAW and ending with the attack on Ricardo Rodriguez on Smackdown

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS CODY RHODES

    Cody comes in strong with a flurry of punches and an Irish whip into the corner, Del Rio meets him with an elbow, and goes up top in the corner, catches Cody behind the head w/his feet and takes him down w/a Lucha style head-scissors, followed by body-drop and a kick to the back.  Cody slaps Del Rio in the face, Del Rio responds by pummeling him in the corner and with an Inziguri to the shoulder for two.  Cody throws a wide-kick to the leg that stops Del Rio.  Cody gives Del Rio the knee-breaker, and takes over, stomping Del Rio into the corner.  Cody hits a head-butt but misses a charge.  Del Rio hits a clothesline, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick to the face for a two-count.  Del Rio gets a “Si” chant going; signaling for the arm-breaker, but Cody shoves him off and hits the “Beautiful Disaster” kick off the second rope for two.  Cody charges in, Del Rio hooks the arm-breaker, (not smoothly,) and gets the submission.

    WINNER: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO

    Alberto gets the mike and apologizes for all the time he spent looking down on us.  He calls Big Show a “bully” and a “Monster,” and promises the Big Show will pay for what he did to Ricardo Rodriguez, and he will be a champion for everyone who works to put food on the table.

    Big Show comes up on the Tron, challenging Del Rio for a rematch for the title, from a hotel room in an undisclosed location.  He says he’s staying away to protect Del Rio from his rage, and has Booker sending him the contract.  Show warns Del Rio that if he tries to find him, or shows up here, Show will give him a worse beating than the one he gave Ricardo.

    Jerry Lawler overcomes a few flubbed lines to announce Chris Jericho as the winner of the RAW Active poll, and C.M. Punk’s opponent tonight.

    And we go to break.

    We come back with a recap of team Rey/Cara defeating team Hell No (Bryan/Kane) in a non-title match on the last Smackdown.

    Backstage, we see Daniel Bryan up in Kane’s face, blaming him for the loss.  Kane accuses Bryan of not being able to take care of himself.  Bryan says he’ll do just that in his match tonight, and tells Kane to stay backstage, so as not to ruin his chances at getting a spot in the Elimination Chamber.  Kane says “fine.”

    REY MYSTERIO VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN

    They lock up.  Bryan hits a knee, a snap-mare, and a kick to the back.  Bryan hits another kick and gets three consecutive one-counts.  Mysterio bridges up, catches Bryan on his feet.  Bryan pulls him up, Mysterio hooks a body-scissors, into an arm-drag, hits a dropkick, and knees to Bryan’s face.  Bryan pushes him off, Mysterio ducks a clothesline and goes for a head scissors, but Bryan drops Mysterio chest-first into his knees.  Bryan gets a two-count, a stomp, and a wrist-lock/arm-bar.  Mysterio grabs the top rope and flips out.  Mysterio hits some fore-arm shots, Bryan hits an elbow.  Bryan sends Mysterio up over the top rope, but Mysterio holds on, and hits a shoulder-block to the stomach.  Mysterio goes to the top rope but Bryan takes out the leg, and Mysterio is in the “tree of woe” position.  Bryan hits some short shoulder-blocks, but misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post.  Bryan on the outside and both men down as we go to break.

    We come back with Bryan controlling the arm of Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a few fore-arms, but Bryan takes him down in a German suplex, bends the arm, pinning the palm to the matt, and stomping the up-raised elbow.  Bryan works the arm and tosses Rey out of the ring.  Rey rolls up on his feet, but Bryan meets him with the dropkick.  Bryan tries to dive into Mysterio but meets a fore-arm.  Mysterio hits a dive off the top rope, hits two head-scissors, rolling through a sunset-flip attempt on the second, and hits a kick to the head for a two-count.  Bryan blocks a “619” attempt, Mysterio rolls out of an imperfect “No-lock” and hits it on the second attempt.  Bryan dodges a “drop of the dime” and locks in the “No-Lock” for the tap.

    WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN

    As Bryan celebrates, MARK HENRY MAKES HIS COMEBACK!  Henry meets Bryan on the way to the ring and takes him out with no problem.  Henry hits a “spine-buster” on Rey.  Sin Cara tries to save Rey, but takes “the World’s Strongest Slam.” Rey is up and fights back, but ends up taking a WSS and a splash off the middle rope.  Henry walks off, jaw-jacking with the crowd.

    Punk vs. Jericho, after the break

    We come back to Bryan demanding an apology from Kane, for not helping him out with Henry.

    “Daniel, I’m hurt by your tone.  Word’s hurt, and there’s nothing more powerful than our friendship.” – Kane

    “Do you mean that?” – Daniel Bryan

    “HELL NO!” – KANE

    After that, we get a recap of Vince busting Heyman, and Brock busting Vince’s hip.

    (It goes on a LOT longer than it needs to.)

    Later tonight, Heyman is on MizTV.

    We go live to Big Show’s hotel room where he’s on the phone, waiting for the contract.  He answers the door for room service and the waiter stands there waiting for a tip.

    “Get a better job.” – Big Show

    Sheamus makes his entrance and his match is up next, after the break.

    We’re back, getting another recap of the Shield attack on Cena, Ryback, and Sheamus, as well as a reminder Cena calls them out later tonight.

    SHEAMUS VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE

    As the match begins, we’re told Daniel Bryan will be joining Randy Orton and Mysterio in the elimination chamber.  The big men lock up, and force each other into the corner.  Sheamus beats on Kane with fists, whips him into the corner.  Kane hits a clothesline.  Kane beats Sheamus down in the corner, whips him into the ropes.  Sheamus hits a kick to the face but runs into a side-slam.  Kane pounds and stomps on Sheamus, then tries to pull him out of the ring.  Sheamus kicks him into the guardrail.  They brawl a little on the outside.  Sheamus tosses Kane back in the ring, but walks into a big right hand.  Sheamus fights back and hits the “Irish Curse” back-breaker.  Kane is back up first, but Sheamus takes him into the corner with a shoulder tackle, followed by a knee-lift, and a double axe-handle takes Kane over the ropes.  Kane lands on his feet.  Sheamus ties Kane up in the ropes and starts the fore-arm pummeling.  Kane escapes and puts Sheamus down.  Bryan runs out and gets into an argument with Kane.  Kane shoves him off the ring by the neck, tells him to stay out of this, and walks into a Brogue-Kick, giving Sheamus the three-count.

    WINNER: SHEAMUS

    Bryan apologizes while smiling as we go to break.

    RAW slam of the week: GUESS! (Lesnar killing Vince)

    Welcome to Miz TV!  Miz is trying to recap the attack on Vince (again) but Heyman interrupts, not wanting someone like Miz to soil his reputation.  Heyman attempts to give Vince his “best wishes” on his hip surgery, but Miz interrupts him.  Heyman denies having anything to do with Brock’s attack on Vince.  Miz brings up the tape with him, Maddox, and the Shield.  Miz calls him the biggest liar he’s met in his life, Heyman starts asking questions about Punk getting screwed and winning back the belt.  Miz and Heyman are up in each other’s face, when Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerro decides to interrupt.  She admits to signing back Brock Lesnar, and expresses her grief over what happened to Vince.  As she starts to cry, Paul asks for a moment of silence, Vicki suggests they share a prayer, and Miz calls BS on the whole thing.  Lesnar comes out, kills Miz, wrecks the set, he and Heyman walk off.

    And we go to break…

    We come back to a replay of the Miz TV chaos and a confirmation that Brock is under contract to WWE.  Randy Orton makes his entrance, followed by Wade Barrett.  As Barrett makes his way to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture promo from Bo Dallas and a recap of their feud, including Bo’s upset win and the attack on Smackdown.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS RANDY ORTON

    Barrett beats down Orton in the corner. Orton reverses an Irish Whip and hits the Thez-press.  Orton pummels Barrett in the head and hits two fore-arm uppercuts.  Barrett reverses a whip but Orton hits the clothesline, and Barrett rolls out the ring.  Outside the ring, Orton bounces Barrett’s head twice on the apron, and drops him back-first into the top of the guard rail.  Orton rolls him back into the ring for a two-count.  Orton stomps away on Barrett.  Barrett tries catching Orton with the clothesline but it gets botched.  Barrett recovers with a knee, a suplex, and a “do-over,” clothes lining Orton over the ropes to the floor.  Barrett goes outside, kicks Orton in the head, and bounces Orton’s head on the apron.  Barrett rolls Orton back in the ring for two, drops a couple elbows on him, and hooks the chin-lock.  Orton fights out of it, hits two clothes-lines, ducks one by Wade, and hits the scoop-power-slam.  Orton hits the second rope DDT and teases an RKO, but Barrett rolls outside.  Orton rolls him back in, but Barrett hits the spiraling side-slam for two.  Barrett tries to hit the waste-land, Orton elbows out.  Orton tries an RKO, Barrett shoves him off.  Orton dodges a charging kick in the corner, and hits the RKO for three.

    WINNER: RANDY ORTON

    After the break, Punk vs. Jericho (for really realz this time)

    We come back from break to a quick promo for “Fandango” coming soon to WWE.

    C.M. PUNK VS CHRIS JERICHO

    After playing to the crowd, the two men lock up and Punk gets in a knee followed by a chop.  Punk mocks the crowd, letting Jericho take over with three big chops, an elbow, another chop, and a big suplex.  Jericho hits a fist-drop and goes for a cover.  Punk grabs a leg and trips Jericho down, taking over with vicious stomps.  Punk gets a chop and a knee to the gut for two.  Punk locks the arm, Jericho gets to his feet and pushes Punk back into the corner.  Jericho fights his way free, Punk reverses a whip and meets the boot of Jericho.  Jericho charges Punk and takes a kick to the stomach.  Punk tries a tornado DDT, But Jericho shoves him off.  Jericho takes Punk over the ropes and out to the floor with a clothesline.  Punk hits the announcers table.  Jericho hits a baseball-slide drop-kick, sending Punk back into the table.  Jericho goes for the “ricochet-off –the-second-rope-in-the-corner” drop-kick, but Punk catches him, and pulls him neck-first into the ropes.  Jericho is down and Punk laughs as we go to break

    Back to the action, Punk hits a belly-to-back suplex, and three leg-drops to the back of Jericho’s head, for a two count.  Punk locks an under-hook face-lock on Jericho.  Jericho gets to his feet, Punk whips him into the corner, Jericho back-body-drops him over the ropes, Punk lands on the apron and tries for a flying clothesline, but eats the mat as Jericho side-steps him.  Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, gets sent over the top rope by Punk, but lands on his feet, climbs to the top, and connects with a fist off the top rope.  Jericho hits a boot to the gut and the face-plant bulldog on Punk.  Jericho tries a Lion-Sault, Punk gets the knees up, but Jericho grabs the legs and tries for the walls of Jericho.  Punk kicks him off, into the corner.  Punk misses a running knee, and Jericho hits some head-shots before taking Punk off the top rope with the “hurriconrana.” Jericho gets a two-count, goes for another Lion-Sault but Punk gets a shot to the back.  Punk has Jericho up on his shoulders and tries for the GTS, but Jericho rolls out of it and schoolboys Punk into a “Walls of Jericho,” attempt.  Punk hooks his head for a small package, Jericho reverses it, Punk kicks out, Jericho tries a clothesline, but Punk catches the arm and twists it into a neck-breaker for two.  Punk hits the knee-lift in the corner, a short clothes-line, but takes too much time up top and misses the “Macho Man” elbow-drop.  Jericho’s Lion-Sault connects for two.  Punk hits a SICK kick to the head for another two.  Punk locks in the “Anaconda-Vice” but Jericho makes the ropes.

    “THIS IS AWESOME!” – The Crowd

    Jericho hits two shoulder blocks from the outside and goes up top, but Punk kicks his leg out from under him and goes for the GTS.  Jericho catches Punk’s leg on the way down and hooks the “Walls of Jericho!” Punk makes it to the ropes.  Punk tries to lift Jericho, he can’t.  Jericho goes for the legs; Punk twists him into the middle turnbuckle.  Punk sends Jericho shoulder first into the post; and hits the GTS for a three count.

    WINNER: C.M. PUNK

    After the match, we get the huge Hall of Fame announcement.  Our next inductee is BRUNO SAMARTINO!  We get a package of Bruno’s career highlights, including winning the WWWF title in 48 seconds, coming back from a broken neck after three months, and meeting the Pope.

    And we go to break..

    We come back to Matt Striker interviewing Punk backstage.  Punk calls The Rock a thief and says the title of champion belongs to him.  He’s the best in the world, and he proves it every night.

    From that, we go to a video package about Rock winning the WWE championship after ten long years, featuring a montage of headlines and TV spots about the Rock.

    John Cena is backstage being interviewed about calling out the Shield.  Cena talks about how the time to laugh and joke and smile comes to an end when you get picked on and pushed around.  Tonight, he pushes back.

    And break…

    We come back to Big Show, eating, live from his hotel, and complaining on the phone about how long it’s taking to get the contract over to him.  Show answers the door for a guy with the contract.  While Show reads it over and signs it, the guy keeps trying to tell him something.   Show refuses to listen.  Show opens the door to let the guy out, and comes face to face with Alberto Del Rio.  They have a vicious fight in the hallway that ends with Del Rio blinding/knocking out the Big Show with a fire extinguisher.  Two men get out of the elevator, looking confused…

    “It’s okay; my friend just had some bad Mexican food.” – Alberto Del Rio

    Del Rio assures them he will get Show some help, and leaves Big Show with a wink.

    Back in the ring, Brad Maddox is here, asking for a mike.  He claims Heyman took advantage of him, and claims he is an “innocent.” He takes credit for giving McMahon the video of him with Heyman and the Shield, and calls himself the “hero,” of this story.  He says it’s gonna be him and NOT Cena who dishes out justice to the Shield, and calls them out.  They come down, admitting they took money from Heyman and that they they’re gonna enjoy beating him down.  After Maddox is decimated, Cena makes his way to the ring through the crowd, followed by Ryback and Sheamus.  The Shield attempt to flee, but the entire WWE locker room cut them off.  The Shield is trapped, back to back in the ring.  Cena and friends move in and the fight breaks out, for two and a half minutes.  The Shield retreat as the show closes.

  3. RYTMANS RAW RECAP 10/01/2012

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    We open w/a replay of Foley facing off w/CM Punk, followed by Punk taking a lead pipe to the gut by Cena, the attack on Foley, and the stare down w/Ryback.

    Out first is WWE Champion C.M. Punk w/Paul Heyman. Heyman carries the WWE title. Punk calls Cena a coward and accuses Mick Foley of shooting him a disrespectful look and muttering something under his breath, which is why Punk put him down like a dog. Punk asks (rhetorically) if Mick would’ve disrespected Cena, The Rock, or Steve Austin like that. Heyman answers “no” to each one. He did listen to one thing Foley said, about his legacy and facing John Cena in Hell in The Cell, and that’s why he’s here to announce that it still will not happen.

    Heyman takes the Mike and moves on to a most relevant piece of business. We see last week when AJ responded to his marriage proposal by slapping him. He points out she never said no, but she did put her hands on him, in direct violation of an edict by the WWE B.O.D. He reads the memo handed down, and demands AJ be removed from office, and replaced with him.

    Vicki Guerro comes out w/Dolph Ziggler and reminds us of AJ attacking her 2 months ago, and we get Heyman vs. Vicki on the mike, briefly. Dolph interjects saying this is all AJ’s fault and suggests Heyman and Vicki team-up to take over.
    AJ skips out, and informs us all she is on probation. She calls Heyman a “slimy, shady, greasy, creepy as all hell, worm-like excuse for a man,” and mentions she now has a “coach” advising her on running the show.

    And Now Daniel Bryan is out. He says he’s just out to apologize for contributing to AJ’s mental state by dumping her. He refers to himself as a handsome, former world champion with “a great beard,” and he is now the Tag Team Champions, plural.

    Out comes Kane to remind us AJ Lee is a “phenomenal kisser,” and agrees with Bryan about everything, except for one item.  HE is the tag team champions – plural. This breaks down into everyone hollering at each other, until AJ brings it to a halt with a freak out. She reminds us she is still in charge and makes a tag team match, Punk/Ziggler vs. Team Hell No. AJ skips off and we get a promo for a World Heavyweight Championship debate between Big Show and Sheamus. We see Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio heading towards the ring as we go to break.

    Side Note: Rey’s mask is designed to look like it’s half his, Half Sin Cara’s. Cara’s mask is half his, half Rey’s.
    Nice touch

    REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – The masked Mexicans dominate a fast-paced match up while the Prime Time Players look on from the stage. Rey ends it with the 619 and a drop of the dime for the 1-2-3.

    We go to break with a reminder of the Sheamus/Big Show debate coming up later.

    U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – This match starts as we come back from break. Cesaro cuts a picture-in-picture promo demanding appreciation in five different languages. Brodus looks strong until he takes a flying back elbow. Cesaro ends it with the neutralizer for the pin.

    Backstage: Kaitlin is pulling up her sock over her injured ankle when AJ comes in with her executive coach Christopher J Stevenson. He’s here to evaluate her performance. She makes like she wants to make nice and asks Kaitlin for forgiveness. When Kaitlin smiles at her, AJ bursts into demonic laughter, saying she wasn’t sorry at all, and skips off, leaving CJS and Kaitlin to look confused at each other. We go to break, teasing JR appreciation night.

    We come back from break with Zack Ryder in the ring and The Miz coming out. We’re told our social media ambassador for the night will be Larry King.

    INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually dominates most of the match, but Miz ends it w/a power-bomb to the corner and the Skull-Crushing-Finale.

    We come back from break with Smackdown GM Booker-T making his way to the ring. He introduces the Big Show. As Show comes to the ring, we recap Show giving Randy Orton the WMD on last weeks’ Smackdown. Booker then introduces World Champion Sheamus. Both men make quick opening statements. Booker reads them questions from Twitter. Sheamus keeps reminding Show about losing the World Championship to Daniel Bryan in 45 seconds. Show gets angrier. Show collapses his podium (by accident at first.) Then we go to a Tout from Rey Mysteri-O’Sulivan.
    It’s Sheamus in a Mysterio mask.
    Yep.
    Both men tease a throw-down, but Show just storms off. We get a promo for the main event tag, and we cut to Ryback lumbering towards the ring as we go to break.

    RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Michael Cole informs us of Jerry Lawler’s improving condition as the match gets under way. It’s a pretty even trade-off of power moves, but when Ryback attempts to lift Tensai into the Meat Hook, someone botches, twice. Cole and JR try to sell it as a block by Tensai, and Ryback ends this with a hard clothesline.

    We go to break with a reminder that tonight is JR appreciation night.

    When we come back, we’re introduced to breast cancer survivors and their families in the crowd as part of WWE’s breast cancer awareness month promotion w/the Susan G. Komen foundation.

    WWE DIVAS CHAMP EVE DEF BETH PHEONIX – Before the match, we get a recap of Eve trying to suspend Beth, getting called on it by Booker T, and throwing Teddy Long under the bus. Eve cuts a picture-in-picture promo where she hard sells the entire Diva division just a little too earnestly. This was a short back-and-forth match with Eve winning by faking an eye injury, hitting a low kick, and the neck-breaker for the three-count.

    Backstage: AJ introduces her coach to Wade Barrett. Wade gives her a tongue-lashing before storming off. AJ says her coach looks intimidated.

    We go to break with a promo for the main event.

    When we come back, John Bradshaw Layfield gives us a Tout about his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro as part of a campaign to raise money for underprivileged children.

    SANTINO MORELLA DEF HEATH SLATER (DQ) – Short comedy match ends with Santino hitting the “Cobra” on Slater and Slater’s friends, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal jumping Santino. Drew hits the “Future Shock” DDT on Santino and they shove the Cobra sock in Sandino’s mouth. Each man introduces himself to the crowd. Drew is still “the Chosen One;” Jinder is “the Maharaja,” and Slater is “The One Man Band.”

    We go to commercial with a teaser for “JR appreciation night.”

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHEAMUS DEF DAMIEN SANDOW W/CODY RHODES – Earlier tonight, we had a backstage segment where Sandow and Rhodes both denied the WWE universe coming up with their name while bashing the debate segment.  This was one of the most hard-fought matches on RAW in a long time. Both men were booked strong in this match and some are already considering this MOTY material. Match ends with Sheamus throwing Cody in the ring and hitting the Brogue Kick on both men.

    We come back from break, with Cole in the ring re-introducing JR to the crowd. JR comes down from the stage, into the ring. Just as JR starts to speak, C.M. Punk heads out with Paul Heyman. Punk gives JR a big build up as a man who’s earned respect. He asks JR to call him “the best in the world.” JR refuses and gives Punk a dressing down. Punk stomps on JR’s hat and orders him out of the ring. JR is halfway gone when RYBACK steps into view. Ryback brings back JR and Punk decides discretion is the better part of valor and takes a hike.

    ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF KOFI KINGSTON – Del Rio rides out in a $150,000 Mazarati, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces him. We take a look back at last Friday on Smackdown as Randy Orton gets the WMD from Big Show, and gets attacked by Del Rio after the show. Kofi comes down with R-Truth and “little Jimmy,” while RR joins the announce team. Ricardo comes off a little disoriented on commentary. Kofi hits his spots but the match ends with him tapping out to the arm-breaker.

    Backstage: AJ and her coach are talking. All seems well until AJ suggests that HE be the special guest ref. AJ says a coach “isn’t worth a damn unless he’s been a player,” and her coach “has never been a player.” She throws him out the building, and smirks like a Cheshire Cat.

    Side Note: JR makes a boo-boo as he talks over AJ, suggesting Cole “do the reveal,” and apologizes for “talking when he should’ve been listening,” when they come back. Bryan and Kane make their entrances as we go to break.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (W/PAUL HEYMAN) AND DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/VICKI GUERRO) – We come back with everyone in the ring. AJ makes her way out as “special guest ref,” for the match, and nobody is happy about it. The match itself is a well-paced back and forth tag-team battle, with AJ playing it as a hard-line ref. At one point, Heyman pulls Punk’s foot over the bottom rope to break a three count, and AJ sends him to the back. Vicki protests, and gets sent to the back. Ziggler chases after her, leaving Punk alone to take a choke-slam from Kane for the three-count.

    RYTMANS RANT

    AJ Lee IS the star of Monday Night RAW, good and bad. The good is AJ has taken this derpy gimmick and RAN with it. She has the intensity and charisma to play this big and it’s worked. The bad is she’s not technically in-ring talent right now, so she’s basically high-jacking the show from the wrestlers.
    My problem with this is there’s no point to it. She can’t make herself WWE champion, and she doesn’t seem to care who the champion is, as long as she’s the center of attention. She’s basically playing this as an insane child who sees RAW as her toy box, and if you don’t play “right” she sends you into the cornfield. (Twilight Zone Reference:”It’s a good life.”) To me, this is a waste.  AJ is just playing with her “power,” and doesn’t really seem to care about accomplishing anything.

    Here’s another thing, WHO THE HELL ARE THE GOOD GUYS AROUND HERE? Going back to AJ, why should I be happy about her sticking it to the heels if she’s just going to turn around and be nasty to the faces? Are Bryan and Kane supposed to be good guys? Why is Bryan still a douche? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR?

    That’s all for this week boys and girls. I’ll see you next week with another Rytman recap and rant.

  4. RYTMANS RAW RECAP AND REVIEW 09/24/2012

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    MATCH RESULTS

     

    DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKI) DEF KOFI KINGSTON (w/R-TRUTH and LITTLE JIMMY) – Before the match begins; R-Truth and “little jimmy” get into an argument with Vicki at ringside. Vicki takes a drink in the face and the referee sends her, Truth and “Jimmy” to the back. The match is a high-flying spot-fest with both men taking huge bumps back and forth. Ziggler sends Kofi head-first into the corner, and gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.

    PRIME TIME PLAYAS DEF RYDER/SANTINO – This is a quick and simple tag match. Titus O’Neal gets a blind tag while Santino sets up the “Cobra” for Darren Young. O’Neal gets the three-count with a spine-buster.

    RYBACK DEF THE MIZ – Miz doesn’t get squashed in the true sense, but the end is a foregone conclusion with Ryback crushing him with the “meat hook.” During the match, a fan tries to run in but is taken out fast by security.

    WADE BARRETT DEF TYSON KIDD – Little more than a squash. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”

    SHEAMUS, SIN CARA, REY MYSTERIO DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO, DAVID OTUNGA, RICARDO RODRIGUEZ – RAW GM AJ Lee made this match during a backstage segment, explaining to Del Rio and co. that this was their chance to get payback on Sheamus for injuring each of them with the “Brogue Kick.” Match ends with Ricardo taking a 619 and a Swanton from Sin Cara after Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus puts the period on this with a Brogue Kick to Ricardo.
    Side Note: At one point, it looked like Sin Cara tagged Sheamus, but Rey was allowed to come in.
    Was this a botch perhaps?

    EVE/BETH PHEONIX DEF LAYLA/ALICIA FOX – A throwaway tag, with Beth doing most of the work, Eve stealing the win with a neck-breaker, and Layla doing nothing but taking a shot to the face. After the match, Kaitlin comes out, on a crutch with a taped ankle. She says she got a hold of the security camera footage from NOC, and it shows her attacker. You can’t see her face, but you can tell she had blond hair. Eve points the finger at Beth and lays her out with the neck-breaker.

    BRODUS CLAY VS TENSAI – NO CONTEST – This match isn’t much more than trading head-butts and missing splashes until THE BIG SHOW makes his return to RAW. He walks down to the ring, clocks both men with the WMD, and just stands there until they play his music.

    SEGMENTS

    The show opens with Punk and Heyman in the ring, holding the show hostage. Punk sits while Heyman calls last week’s main event a great injustice, showing us footage of Cena getting the three-count on Punk while his foot was clearly on the ropes. Heyman calls out the referee from last week, referee Maddox. He demands an apology and that Maddox resigns on the spot. Maddox is happy to apologize but will not resign. Punk goes off on him.

    “HOW DO YOU WALK DOWN HERE AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN?”-C.M. Punk

    Punk calls him an inexperienced scab, and Heyman offers him a blindfold bearing both the NFL and WWE logos. During his rant, Punk calls AJ Lee an “idiot.”
    AJ Lee skips down to ringside. In the ring, she sends Maddox to the back. Paul assumes she is here to reverse last week’s decision.

    “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me… but mostly you.” AJ Lee.

    AJ Lee tries to shut Punk down, but Punk responds with a demand for respect and a recap of AJ proposing to him last summer. If she agrees to forget about the match last week, he’ll forget about her sending him dirty texts and voice mails, and dares her to tell the audience about their torrid affair.

    “I’m the reason there’s a spring in your step!” – C.M. Punk

    Heyman steps in here with a MARRAGE PROPOSAL! He offers to make AJ the most powerful woman in WWE. He’ll come up with ideas and she can take the credit. AJ responds with a slap to his face.

    I gotta say, I was impressed with AJ here. She was sharing mike time w/two of the best in this business and more than held her own. She came off clever and strong, despite having the least dialogue.

    Backstage: Maddox thanks AJ for sticking up for him and apologizes to her as well. She makes it quite clear that if he messes up like that again he will NEVER work in this industry again. She goes into “evil mode” and accuses him of embarrassing her.

    After recapping the Kane/Bryan-Rhodes/Sandow issue on Smackdown, we go to a restaurant where Daniel Bryan is with his anger management therapist Dr. Shelby. The doc has arranged a role-play tonight where Kane is “Gerald” and he will be Daniel’s waiter for tonight. Kane goes into a monologue about pulling the beard off the cook’s face and deep frying it, sprinkling a little bit of it on every dish he’s served. After the bit, we’re told we can choose the official name for their tag team as part of RAW-active later tonight.

    At this point, I’m declaring this bit dead. They’ve dragged it out as long as they possibly can.

    Promo for the Susan Komen foundation and breast cancer awareness month

    Mick Foley is tonight’s special guest! He comes out to address the C.M. Punk issue. The C.M. Punk issue comes down to address Foley. In one of the best promo-duels I’ve ever heard, Foley tells Punk that he needs to disregard Heymans’s advice and think for himself, and he needs to face Cena in a Hell in the Cell match to cement his legacy. Punk takes a shot at the crowd and runs down his list of wins over Cena. He says the WWE universe turned on him, and he doesn’t need to risk his health/body/career for them. He’s held the title for over 300 days and will hold it longer. Foley held the title three times for a total of 29 days. Statistics don’t matter, it’s the moments that we show what we’re made of that counts.

    Back at the restaurant, Kane and Bryan agree they can never be friends, but they sure did like beating down men with chairs last Friday on Smackdown. Kane slams the table repeatedly to bring back the feeling. Bryan responds with a growing “YES!” chant. Once the reach the… conclusion, we cut to MAE YOUNG!

    “I’ll definitely have what they’re having.” – Mae Young.

    The next segment is the Jerry Lawler interview with Michael Cole. He is recuperating just fine but doesn’t even remember the match he wrestled last week. He woke up in the hospital thinking he was in Aruba with his girlfriend. He is leaving his return date up to the doctors.

    Back at the restaurant, Dr. Shelby has convinced Kane to try a salad, and Bryan to try a meatball, as part of an “understanding” exercise. Kane tries some lettuce and responds with a huge belch. Bryan seems to like the meatball at first, but soon winds up barfing in Dr. Shelby’s lap.

    We are given our choices for naming the team.
    #Team Teamwork
    #Team Hell No
    #Team Friendship

    After the break, Kane and Bryan are in the ring waiting the official selection…
    #Team Hell No

    While Bryan/Kane fight their confusion, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow attack. They leave the champs lying and introduce themselves as “Team Rhodes-Scholars.”

    Recap: Heyman proposal to AJ
    Our Main Event of the evening; a John Cena Promo!

    Cena comes out to thank the WWE universe for their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation and Breast Cancer Awareness month. He apologizes for C.M. Punk’s lies and misrepresentations. Punk comes out to call Cena a lying politician. He gives Cena a choice; five seconds to leave the ring, or get hurt badly. Five seconds later, Cena nails Punk in the stomach with a lead pipe.

    Backstage, Punk staggers along the hall, passing Mick Foley. Punk walks back to kick him in the groin, and starts to walk off. He turns to give Foley a piece of his mind, and meets the stare of Ryback.

    All in all, pretty basic RAW, with the tease of a Ryback/Punk match up being the only “big” surprise.

  5. RYTMANS’ RAW RECAP

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    We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.

    (Does that include health care and financial aid?)

    Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs.  Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.

    Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit.  He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job.  All those times he came out and made us smile was just business.  Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself.  He claims there’s no one in his league;

    “No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”

    Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him.  Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.

    “MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.

    Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.

    “I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.

    Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.

    “And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.

    Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.

    Commercials

    REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.

    We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.

     

    Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella

    Del Rio Charges before the bell.

    Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.

    Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.

    Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.

    Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.

    Santino goes for the COBRA!

    Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.

    Santino taps out.

    WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.

    Backstage: We see Eve close up.  Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in.  Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves.  Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.

    Commercials

    Shot of Bourbon Street

    Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!

    Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.

    Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.

    Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”

    Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.

     

    Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

     

    Swagger/Kofi each go in first.

    Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.

    Swagger misses a charge.

    Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.

    Tag to R-Truth.

    There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.

    Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.

    Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.

    Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.

    Swagger charges.

    Truth ducks.

    Swagger over and out to the floor.

    Ziggler runs in.

    Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.

    Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.

    Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.

    Commercial

    Back from commercial.

    Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.

    Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.

    Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.

    Swagger w/shoulder blocks.

    Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.

     

    Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.

    Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.

    Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.

    Both men up.

    Kofi gets two hits.

    Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.

    Ziggler gets a tag.

    Kofi makes a tag.

    R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.

    Ziggler makes the save.

    Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.

    Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.

    Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.

    Truth slips behind.

    Swagger hits the corner.

    Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.

    Truth scores the 3 count.

    WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON

    Ziggler is not happy.

    He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.

    Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face.  He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him.  Show agrees.

    “Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.

    Commercials

    Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.

    Johnny Laurenitis  Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow.  He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements.  Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH.  Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game.  John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.

    “This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.

    We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk.  Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.

    “Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.

    Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12.  We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas.  C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.

    “Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.

    Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.

    Punk v. Bryan next

    Commercials

    Crowd Sign: YES!

    We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.

    Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.

     

    WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan

    Lock up.

    Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.

    Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.

    Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.

    Punk leapfrogs Bryan.

    Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.

    Bryan gets up on his feet.

    Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.

    Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.

    Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.

    Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.

    Bryan goes down.

    Punk goes over.

    Bryan jumps up.

    Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.

    Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.

    Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.

    Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.

    Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.

    Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.

    Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide.  Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.

    Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.

    Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.

    Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.

    Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.

    Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.

    AJ comes to ringside.

    Commercial

    We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.

    Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.

    Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal.  Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot.  Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.

    Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.

    Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.

    Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.

    Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.

    Bryan goes back on the arm.

    Punk gets 2 hits.  Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.

    Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes.  He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.

    Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.

    Bryan misses a kick.  Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.

    Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.

    Superplex by Bryan gets 2.

    Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.

    AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.

    Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.

    Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.

    Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair.  He choke slams Bryan out.

    AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.

     

    WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)

    Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga.  He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy.  That’s more of my attention than it deserves.

     

    More commercials

     

    I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)

    Lock up.

    Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.

    Christian shoots him off the ropes.

    Christian ducks down.

    Miz goes over.

    Christian w/a flying shoulder block.

    Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.

    Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.

    Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.

    Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.

    Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.

    Chin lock by Miz.

    Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.

    Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.

    Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.

    Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.

    Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.

    Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.

    Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.

    Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.

    Christian hits the mat face first.

    Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.

    Miz misses a charge and hits the corner.  Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.

    More Commercials

    We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star.  He’s not leaving the ring until…

    Cue Randy Orton.

    Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.

    Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton.  He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler.  Vicky will see what she can do.

    Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.

    Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena.  It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service.  I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.

     

    Commercial

     

    We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos.  Sheamus comes out next.

     

    World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga

    Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.

    Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.

    Otunga rolls out.

    Sheamus goes after Otunga.  Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.

    Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.

    Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner.  Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.

    Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.

    Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.

    Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.

    Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on.  Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”

    Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.

     

    Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.

     

    FUNKASAURUS up next

     

    Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1

     

    Madagascar 3 – interest 0

     

    Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.

    We have the intro –you know the drill.

    Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.

    The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.

    Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.

    “The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.

    Brodus dares Show to step up.  Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging.  The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring.  Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table.  Show brutalizes Truth.  Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade.  Truth gets sent to the stairs.  WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.

    Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.

     

    RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this.  We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.

    ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?

    For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check.  I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.

    Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena.  Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.

    Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.

    Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors

     

    So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap.  Hope you like it.