Long week, and kind of a sad one. But no need to divulge in that crap, since Smackdown is on… and frankly, I’m tired and thereby, lazy. So grab some industrial sized springs, yeah those ones with the sharp ends. Jam them into the soles of your feet and proceed to turn them into your foot until they come out of the top because it’s hopping time!
…or flippy floppy time?
Yawn.
Never underestimate The “Unseen Power Of The Picket Fence”. Alice of RWR knows what I’m talking about. So does J.T., Joe, and Jorge of BWF Radio. We’ll see you on Sunday for the podcast. Maybe even Alice will show up and make Jorge laugh? Until then, I decided to continue my streak of abusing my psycological well being and review another episode of The Mediocre Khali Show. Sigh. That dude ain’t hopping. He has no knees, like Kevin Nash, nor legs like Zack Gowan, nor feet like Kamala. But all of those dude’s collected a paycheck at least. I never did. Hopping time, jerks.
[youtube 0DvVYwXqFEE]
Here at BWF, you have No Alernative. You’ll find this track there too. Ask your buddy Google to explain. Look up Benoit, Cobain, Man on the Moon, REM, Kaufman, and Pavement. None of it will make any sense to you, but it does to me. And that’s how, I roll. One more match. Tell Google, G sent you.
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Obviously with Jack Swagger getting a DUI for smoking marijuana and driving erratically on Wednesday, the impact of said offense will not be reflected on tonight’s Smackdown. It will, however, leave one to speculate on whether this is the last time we see Jack Swagger and Zeb… potentially ever. So let’s all put on our favorite racist singlets and plop down to watch a possible Swan Song of Swaggler.
Admit it. This would be fun.
Well, here we are. One more PPV to get through until the final stretch before WrassleMunia. Good times, good times. To be honest, the card looks pretty solid, and I expect Sunday will deliver a solid show. As for Smackdown, this probably will a whole bunch of clip packages and filler. Perhaps one or two tidbits of interest will slip through the cracks… Perhaps. But, that’s why you’re here. To see what in the blue hell happened (or what I perceived that happened).
Not to sound crabby… You + Hopping = Now.
I’ve read the matches (non-spoiler version) ahead of time, and kill… me… now. This does not look good, people. There’s one or two on the card that look passable. But I must warn you, there will be much FFW content on this debacle. Unless you like immobile big guys that can’t really do anything in the ring. If that’s the case, enjoy! Not me, though. Ugghhh… It is hopping time… more like skipping time. Oh well, maybe they’ll make up for it with a whimsical Hornswoggle and Natalya cover of “Dueling Banjos” using flatulance instead of the five string percussive chording hybrid of an instrument? Fuck.
Hopping time, folks….
OH NO! THE ROYAL RUMBLE WAS PREDICTABLE!!?!? THE FUCK?!?!? IT’S ALMOST AS IF THE WWE HAS BEEN BUILDING UP STORIES FOR OVER A YEAR?!?!?!? Seriously, if you can’t accept the outcome, I have to call you out as not having watched wrestling during the Hogan/Macho Man Rock and Roll Wrestling era of the WWF. Just because the IWC is up in arms and joining in the Culture of Outrage, doesn’t mean shit to the WWE. Most of you steal their PPV’s anyways. They are trying to tell a long story, and most of you shit on them for fast-tracking their story-telling. And then you get off on whining about it being predictable? WTF? Think about how awesome The Lord of the Rings would have been if Frodo failed? OF COURSE HE TAKES THE RING TO MORDOR AND DESTROYS IT. Fuck. And many of these are the same people who complain about Vince Russo swerving the story all the time. GET OVER IT.
I enjoyed the 2013 Royal Rumble. With that rant out of the way, let’s see what the “E” serves up for Smackdown this week. Now this is generally a show you can take a massive dump on… but perhaps not tonight? Only one way to find out. Go Go Gadget Hopping Shoes!
Who gets buried… tonight?
No need for some long drawn out intro to this review. This Sunday is the Royal Rumble, and everything of significance is well established. This episode should serve to do little else to maintain a holding pattern and replay all the build from previous episodes of RAW. But, hey, you never know. I might be wrong. It happened once.
Did you buy the replay? Yes? Why? This shit’s free. Now armed with a functional PVR, I can resume my normal routine watching while I review without stumbling around looking for the streams. Don’t cross the streams. If you slip, you might get wet. Why would you try and anger water flowing, anyways? You’re just crazy. Oh wait… that’s me. So pretend you’re playing Frogger, because it’s hopping time, folks.
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What could happen on Smackdown tonight? Best to keep everyone in the dark, right? I mean, god forbit the outcome of a title match would be leaked on the dirt sheets, let alone on the WWE.com website itself. Seriously, right? That would be completely self-defeating and retarded. So clearly Alberto Del Rio didn’t win the title,. there’s no way! So grab your favorite burlap sack, ’cause it’s hoppin’ time!
Let’s see if the WWE can suspend my disbelief.
The Muppets episode in which Chewie is granted the powers of invisibility.
What could it mean? Why is Chewie even here? How could this be the first Smackdown of 2013? Is there a monkey behind me eating alphabet soup? What is his motive? All this and so much more! Join me, shall you, on this magic epic adventure I like to call… “The Fuck?” It’s hopping time, grab your pogo stick playah.
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