Vladimir Kozlov Archives - Page 2 of 7

RAW 8.23.10

August 23, 2010 11:16 pm 1 Comment

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Terribly sorry about missing last week, but I was out with my mom and grandmother, with a surprise visit from my aunt. We went and saw Cats, not like anyone cares… I’m going to shut up now.

Oh, heads up: My laptop screen is… busted, maybe, I don’t know. Something happened, I have no idea what. So, my laptop may be going in for repair soon. What that means is that the RAW review may be up later, because I’d have to take notes while watching it in my room, and then take the notes into the office and type it up on my desktop… Anyway, I’m still working out the kinks and trying to make everything easier. Keep an eye out on Twitter, and I’ll let you know.

Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena. And what about Nexus? After expelling Darren Young, are they stronger, or are they beginning to crack around the edges?

So, Darren’s out of Nexus…? Maybe. We’ll see.

It’s a shameful thing… lobster head… TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!

Lots of love to the RAW Tweeters for that one. I love you all.

Anyway, Sheamus makes his way out, and we get a rewind to the Justin Gabriel vs Randy Orton match where Sheamus came out to the ring and cost Randy the match via count out. And Randy demolished him last week outside the ring. Nexus? Not a threat. Sheamus pisses Randy off though. Ha.

Sheamus says that he’s noticed one thing about Americans: their children are spoiled brats, annoying, selfish, and will cry until they get what they want. Look at all the spoiled runts. He calls some random kid a disgrace and I JUST SAW FRANK! Anyway, he bashes a few more kids. He says there’s an even bigger spoiled child in the WWE, and that’s Randy Orton. Orton couldn’t beat Sheamus for the title at SummerSlam, so he attacks Sheamus after the match and on RAW. Everyone in the WWE Universe cheered Orton, chanting RKO RKO! Which they do now, much to Sheamus’ disgust. He says he’s going to burst their bubble, and says that Orton is not the WWE Champion, Sheamus is. Sheamus and the GM haven’t been on the same page, but in four weeks times, Night of Champions is coming up. Orton should be punished for what he did instead of rewarded. He should never get another opportunity at the WWE Championship.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“Sheamus, believe it or not, I have no problem with you. You have found a way to retain your WWE Championship, and I feel you should be rewarded. Therefore tonight I’m going to do something unprecedented. Gentlemen, will you please bring out the throne.”

Like we need this. Make someone’s ego even bigger… Anyway, there’s a throne now.

“Sheamus, I’m not going to decide your next challenger, you are. Tonight, there will be a series of matches. You will watch them, observe them, and see who impresses you the most. At the end of the evening, you will come to the ring and announce to the world your opponent for Night of Champions.”

Sheamus says there is finally justice in the WWE for him, and thanks the General Manager.

“Sheamus, there’s one other thing. The first of these matches begins right now.”

You think you know me…

Edge makes his way to the ring as we cut to commercial.

@Niki_Sushi It’s official. Whoever Sheamus picks is either going to have a mega push, or a mega burial. #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Until I hear Sheamus say “Fella!” my night won’t be complete. #RAW #WWE #BWF

Next week is RAW’s 900^th episode!! Awesome.

Edge vs. R-Truth

So, whose taking bets that someone’s going to try to beat Sheamus with his own throne? I would. Anyway, Truth did decently, but a Spear ended that.

Edge wins via pinfall!

Edge says Sheamus can sit on his stupid little throne, brag about all the people he’s beat, but until he’s beaten a nine-time champion, until he beats the man who led Team WWE to victory at SummerSlam, until he beats the Rated-R Superstar, he hasn’t beaten anybody.

Tonight, The Miz takes on John Cena! And Cody Rhodes is going to be on Warehouse 13 on SyFy tomorrow night at 9 Central!

@kickoutblog R-Truth just broke his hip like a 90 year old that just slipped in the tub. #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi OMFG. Truth did the scissor kick, and all I saw was him in Alicia’s outfit. MY BRAIN NEEDS BLEACHING!!! #BWF #RAW

WWE went to China for the first time. AWESOME.

Sheamus is still sitting on his throne watching everything, and Lawler says that he looks regal. Huh, go figure.

The Great Khali vs. Chris Jericho

Khali manhandles Chris for a bit, but Chris fights back, attacking Khali’s injured knee. Advantage bounces back and forth, and Chris goes for the Codebreaker, but Khali just drops him. Jericho locks Khali in the Walls of Jericho, and Khali taps out.

Chris Jericho wins via submission.

Chris takes a mic and says that he hopes Sheamus wasn’t taking what Edge said to heart because he wasn’t the first Undisputed Champion, Chris is. Edge isn’t the man who just made a giant tap out, and most importantly, Edge isn’t the best in the world at what he does, Chris is. So Sheamus should pick Chris, and asks if Sheamus understands what Chris is saying right now. Khali gets back up and slaps Chris’ chest, knocking him out of the ring.

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews John Cena. Matthews asks him to mention what happened last week. Cena says it’s petty and classless, and he doesn’t regret choosing Bryan over Miz. Miz almost cost them the match, and showed his true colors last week by attacking Bryan. Ever since he won the Money in the Bank match, he’s gotten a bigger mouth. Tonight, Cena’ shuts it with an Attitude Adjustment.

@KeepItFiveStar I will pay for Khali’s ticket to get him back to India

@ThingsColeSays Michael McGuillicutty has the “McGuillibuddies.” Michael Cole has “The Cole Miners.” John Cena has the “Purple People Eaters.”

@HitTheRopes I don’t hate Cena and all (and I have yet to look at spoilers) but I hope Miz looks better here than in their last feud. #wwe

@StrikerSays Jericho truly IS the best in the world at what he does, and here’s why: he just made a 5-minute match with Khali NOT entirely virulent.

We come back to Jillian Hall in the ring saying she has been Diva’s Champion before and she’s done it again. She starts singing Afraid by Eminem, and I think Cole was singing too. Thankfully, Melina interrupts.

Jillian Hall vs Diva’s Champion Melina for the Diva’s Championship

Jillian dominates most of this match, and they guess each other’s moves a lot, but no surprise, Melina wins with Last Call.

Diva’s Champion Melina wins via pinfall.

LayCool comes over the TitanTron to try to get Melina’s attention. They say they don’t feel bad at all for attacking her at SummerSlam. They’re going to be at the 900^th episode of RAW next week, and they have a flawless offer that she can’t refuse.

Matthews is backstage with Miz, asking if he wants to respond to Cena’s accusations. Miz says that he nailed Bryan in the back of the head, but what about Cena? Cena put Team WWE at risk the minute he chose Bryan of Miz. After the WWE Championship match, Sheamus was beaten down, and had to be carried out. But did Miz cash in Money in the Bank? No. He was thinking about Team WWE. The very least Cena could have done was talk to Miz backstage. Instead, he tried to embarrass Miz in front of the entire world. Being embarrassed doesn’t sit right with Miz. So tonight, Miz is going to beat Cena, and he will show Cena that there will be consequences for his actions. As for Sheamus, Miz doesn’t expect to be chosen. But, that doesn’t really matter does it? Because Miz can pick Sheamus anytime, anywhere he wants. He might even pick Sheamus tonight.

@legendkiller515 Why do they continue to have jillian sing? #wwe #bwf

@Niki_Sushi NO. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM RAW, YOU DIRTY BLONDE HO! WE JUST GOT RID OF Kx2! DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME! #RAW #BWF

@JCenadotcom Why do they insist on making Michelle talk? :-

Nexus comes out to the ring, Wade with a microphone. Remember, it’s the Nexus Six now, which doesn’t have the same ring, does it? Sheamus asks what he owes the honor too, but before they can answer…

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“I requested Nexus come out here to let them know I was highly impressed with their performance last week. As for the ban that says Nexus can no longer compete for titles, that ban has been lifted.”

Sheamus looks upset, and Barrett walks over. Sheamus and Barrett have a staring match before Barrett says their truce is over. With that, they walk backstage again.

Next up is The Miz vs John Cena.

@legendkiller515 sheamus looks like he just seen a ghost…physically and literary #wwe #bwf

@Niki_Sushi God DAMN Sheamus looks pissed! Just how many Superstars pissed in his Wheaties during commercial!? #BWF #RAW

AWESOME!

The United States Champion The Miz vs John Cena

I’m calling it now, as Cena comes out (BRRRRRR SOGGY SHOES!) that Daniel Bryan is going to interfere. Just my theory. Anyway, Miz gets an early advantage, but Cena takes it from him. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out, and dodges a move from Cena, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel pole. Miz goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz gets the advantage back, and then Cena takes it back, Irish whipping him across the ring before suplexing him and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets advantage back with a knee to the face, and then a kick to the stomach. Meanwhile, Cole admits he has no friends. Anyway, Miz hits a leg drop across Cena’s face, and then goes for a cover, but Cena shoves him off. Cena gets the advantage back, and then goes to the top rope, and Miz knocks him off and out of the ring.

We come back to Miz hooked all around Cena in a sleeper, his legs around his waist from behind. Cena backs him into the turnbuckle, and goes for the bulldog, but Miz shoves him off, followed by a boot to the face. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz goes outside the ring and hangs Cena’s head over the edge, then knees him in the face. He gets Cena under the bottom rope, and then drops him, flinging him into the rope. He goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Miz is watching Cena as he gets up in the corner, and then hits the swinging corner clothesline. Cena gets in another corner, and Miz tries again, but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena hits a shoulder tackle and then gets the momentum back. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Miz, who gets up and is picked up for the Attitude Adjustment. However, Miz hits him with a backbreaker, then a neckbreaker, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena gets up and Miz attempts the Skull Crushing Finale, but Miz blocks and gets Miz into the STF. Miz reaches for the ropes and grabs the bottom rope to get free.

To give you a break from the block paragraphs, I’ll continue here. Cena goes for Miz, but Miz kicks him in the face. Goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Miz Whips Cena into the turnbuckle and then attempts another Skull Crushing Finale. Cena tries the attitude Adjustment again, but Miz gets out of the ring and away from him. Daniel Bryan attacks from behind, the ref calls for the bell, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.

The United States Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.

Cena walks away, and Daniel Bryan gets in and puts Miz in a submission. Miz taps out, and four refs have to pull Bryan off of Miz.

Later tonight, Randy Orton will face John Morrison and Ted DiBiase in a Triple Threat match.

@FrankWWEClown “Get that idiot off him!” -Michael Cole No Cole, you’re the idiot, you’re the idiot.

@Niki_Sushi I now name Daniel Bryan’s submission move. It’s now the ‘Twisted Dick’. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes These two are putting on a good match. Good job @mikethemiz and @johncena. #wwe

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina

No idea. I was hoping Tamina would hit on Santino again. Anyway, Vladimir picks up the win.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.

Afterward, Jimmy (I think) went to attack Santino again, but Tamina protected him and helped him up. Tamina then blows Santino a kiss, and he hysterically ‘gets hit’ by it. I love that guy. Vladimir looks at him like he’s retarded and tries to move his hand, but Santino won’t. Santino says he thinks Tamina likes him.

Sheamus is deliberating on all the matches, even the one he hasn’t seen yet, and JoMo, Randy, and Ted have a match next.

@kickoutblog In King’s defense, I think Tiger Woods might be the only person sleazier than Jerry Lawler.

Sheamus seems to have decided. He’s looking pretty smug in that throne.

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton

Orton comes out and Sheamus stands at attention! Aaaand no match yet.

@dasharpshooters Yay its Maryse and her bitch! #wwe #Raw #bwf

Sheamus leaves the ring/stage area as Morrison disappeared somewhere and Randy and DiBiase go at it in the ring. There’s Morrison, beating DiBiase to a pulp. Randy and Morrison are in the ring, and Maryse is comforting DiBiase ringside. DiBiase finally comes back to interrupt Morrison’s cover on Orton, and flings Morrison out of the ring. He goes for the cover on Orton, and Orton kicks out. DiBiase gets an advantage on Orton and holds onto it for a bit, gaining momentum over Morrison too. But Orton comes back to get some momentum on both of them, hitting a scoop slam on Morrison, then DiBiase in succession. He then gets DiBiase between the top and middle rope, ducks a kick from Morrison, and DDTs DiBiase. Orton prepares to RKO DiBiase, but DiBiase shoves him into Morrison, who kicks him in the face, and then is sent out of the ring by DiBiase. DiBiase tries to hit Dream Street, but Orton counters. Orton then RKOs Morrison in midair and wins the match.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

DiBiase attacks Randy afterward only to also receive an RKO from Randy. Randy cackles and then Matthews is backstage with Sheamus. Sheamus says he doesn’t need to see anymore of Orton, because he’s already made his decision, and in just a few minutes, Sheamus is going to tell the entire world in that ring.

@TKeep123 If Michael Cole would use “Classic” instead of “Vintage,” it wouldn’t be half as obnoxious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@legendkiller515 randy does it again…rko in mid air. he is a beast #wwe #bwf

@KeepItFiveStar Oh no!!!!! Morrison got the beard RKO’d off him!!

Sheamus is standing in the ring, and I think something glared off his face and into my eyes, because I went temporarily blind. Sheamus says that he is still a warrior, the Celtic Warrior despite last week. He says that he’s going to defend his title right now, and not wait until Night of Champions. A ref climbs into the ring, and Sheamus says that he’s seen a lot of great competitors tonight. But the only reason he became WWE Champion was because of opportunity. You can’t succeed without opportunity. Despite what he’s seen tonight, he went left field. He decided to make it a Superstar who’s never had a WWE Championship before, a man who could be the next biggest WWE Superstar. His next opponent is Zack Ryder.

OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

Ryder comes out and says that everyone all over the world is looking at the next WWE Champion, woo woo woo, you know it.

Zack Ryder vs WWE Champion Sheamus for the WWE Championship

Someone apparently loves Ryder, because he’s finally getting his chance! … Not like it’ll last. Anyway, there’s only like ten minutes left anyway. So, yeah. Sheamus destroys Ryder with the kick thing to the head.

WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Cole makes a lame joke, and everyone hates him more. Sheamus takes the mic and says that there we have it: another successful retention for the Celtic Warrior. Now, he wants to reference some WWE Rules and Regulations. Now, he doesn’t have to defend his title for another 30 days. That means at Night of Champions, he’s taking the night off. He says he may even take the whole month off, go back to Ireland. However, Nexus thinks that’s a bad idea.

We are one, we are one, we are one, we will stand together… until Darren Young loses!

Barrett makes his way down to the ring and says that Sheamus is right, legally. He doesn’t need to defend his title for another thirty days, but Barrett won Season One of NXT. Sheamus asks so what, and Barrett says that he gets a title opportunity at a pay-per-view of his choice. Barrett chooses to take it against Sheamus at Night of Champions.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

“The GM would like everyone to know that he has upheld Barrett’s request: Sheamus will defend against Barrett at Night of Champions, but that’s not all. Earlier tonight, Sheamus, you spoke of opportunity. Well, I’m giving an opportunity to not only Wade Barrett, but to four other deserving Superstars. That means at Night of Champions, Sheamus will defend the WWE Championship in a Six Pack Challenge. Sheamus will not only face Wade Barrett, he will face Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Edge, and John Cena.”

Sheamus shoves Barrett at the others, and they all glare at him, surrounding him. Cena attacks, and then so does everyone else. Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho delivers the Codebreaker to Sheamus, Edge Spears Jericho, Cena Attitude Adjustment’s Edge, and Randy RKO’s John.

Overall, RAW could have been a little more impressive, but it wasn’t terrible. Hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to see you next week. Keep an eye on my Twitter (@TheMizMagnet) for more details.

WWE Superstars

July 30, 2010 9:55 am Leave a Comment

Hey everybody. It’s your favorite WWE Superstars reviewer. I am here this week with actual thoughts this week instead of the generic results. Enjoy!

Match 1: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and Primo Colon

In the opening minutes of the match, Santino pulled off a Primo cartwheel and started power-walking off the ropes as William Regal just watched in confusion. Fear the Cobra! If he wasn’t funny, he would have been released a long time ago. I think this might be a last ditch effort to do something with Kozlov. Everything else has failed, so why not put him in a tag team. Primo has seemingly found a home on Superstars and lucky to still have a job. Regal is being underutilized. He was perfect as the GM on RAW.

As far as the match goes, the end comes when Primo goes for high flying cross body off the top rope and Kozlov catches him and drops him with the Iron Curtain. The winners of the match are Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella.

Match 2: Chris Masters vs Caylen Croft of the Dudebusters

Why haven’t they done more with Chris Masters? He’s the type of guy who should be in the Mark Henry role or chasing the US Title. I can’t stand the Dudebusters. They suck hard! Croft spends the majority of the match getting beat down like the jobber he should be, but he gets the victory after hitting a chop block and a DDT. The world is in complete disaray now as Caylen Croft picks up the victory over Chris Masters.

Main Event: MVP w/Percy “Oh Yeah” Watson vs Chavo Guerrero

Once upon a time there was a heavily hyped new superstar on Smackdown. He was pushed and eventually became a multiple time US Champion. He then was moved to RAW and is now lost on Superstars most weeks. That superstar is MVP.

Once upon a time there was another superstar who was part of a great wrestling family. He was a very good Cruiserweight, but then he became Kerwin White. After tragedy struck, he re-adopted his God given name and became the WWECW Champion. He lost in 8 seconds to a Big Red Monster, became a forgotten member of another family (La Familia), and then became a forgotten member of the WWE roster. He is now a staple of Superstars too. His name is Chavo Guerrero.

MVP picks up the win with the Play of the Day. Let this be a lesson; If you have a heavily hyped debut on Smackdown, you will probably end up on Superstars eventually. This means you, Alberto Del Rio. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon enough on WWE Superstars. And I’m hoping to see all of you again next week for another exhilirating show.

RAW 7.19.10

July 19, 2010 11:16 pm 1 Comment

Hot on the heels of Money in the Bank, the main event tonight is a Triple Threat match between Edge, Randy Orton, and Chris Jericho! But will RAW’s Mr. Money in the Bank, The United States Champion, The Miz decide that Sheamus’ WWE Championship is too much for him to ignore? And what about John Cena? How is he going to react after Nexus interfered in his match last night? All these questions will – hopefully – be answered tonight on Monday! Night! RAW! Warning, also, a lot of block paragraphs tonight. Sorry.

@Niki_Sushi So… did anyone see Sheamus last night after the match? No? Me neither. White men can’t jump, but Irish men and RUUUUUUUUUUN. #BWF

Wade is going to fight Mark Henry alone tonight, and Nexus is banned from ringside.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Edge for a chance to face WWE Champion Sheamus at SummerSlam

Randy started out with a good advantage, hammering both Edge and Jericho away, but then Jericho gets Randy in the corner and hammers away on him, only for Edge to join, and then stand back and watch. Randy fights back into control, however, getting Edge out of the ring before throwing Chris into the turnbuckle. Edge shows his stealthy side by dropping off the apron and slamming Randy’s head into the top rope. Chris beats on Randy for a little bit, then starts yelling at Edge to do the same. Jericho holds Orton while letting Edge hit him, then the two take turns beating on Orton. They both Irish Whip him and then go to double back drop him, but Orton countered with a double DDT. Jericho rolled out of the ring, and Randy went for a cover on Edge. Edge kicked out at two. Afterward, Orton purposefully stomps on Edge and wears him down. Randy goes to hit the RKO on Edge, but Edge counters and Jericho hits the Codebreaker. Jericho went for a cover, but Edge broke it apart. Edge and Jericho roll out to the outside, and we go to commercial as Edge bounces Jericho’s head off the announce table.

@KiraSwaggaholic This should be the goddamn MAIN EVENT wtf

We come back to Edge and Jericho still outside the ring, and I don’t actually see Randy. Nevermind, Randy’s inside the ring, and he takes out Chris, throwing him out of the ring and into Edge. Jericho goes to get back in, but Randy goes to pull him through. Edge gets up, but manages to get out as Orton DDT’s Jericho from the rope. Randy goes for a cover, but Edge breaks it and throws Randy out. Edge rushes into the ring to cover Jericho, but Chris kicks out at two. Edge goes back to Randy, throwing him back into the ring and going for a cover. Orton kicks out at two. Edge hits Randy and panders, in Jericho’s words, to the crowd, before proceeding to attack Randy’s face. He goes to run off the ropes, but Jericho pulls him out, and bounces his head off the announce table before attacking Randy. Jericho goes for a pin, using the ropes for leverage, but Randy kicks out at two. Jericho gets Randy in a headlock in the middle of the ring. Randy manages to stand and then powers out, gaining momentum with some clotheslines. A scoop slam into a cover on Jericho, but he kicks out at two. Jericho rolls out the apron, but Randy follows. He goes to set Jericho up for a DDT again, but Edge comes in. Randy gains momentum with a back breaker, goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Randy gets Edge up and kicks him out of the ring. Randy sets Jericho up for the DDT off the ropes again, but Jericho counters and sets up the Walls of Jericho, locking them in. Randy pulls to the ropes, only for Jericho to pull him back to the center of the ring. Edge comes in and DDTs Jericho. Edge goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out. Edge goes into the corner, setting up the Spear. Jericho turns, but launches at Edge before he can Spear him, and sets him up into the Walls of Jericho. Edge makes it to the ropes, forcing Jericho to break the hold. Jericho goes to hit it again, but Edge counters into a roll up and Jericho kicks out at two. Orton tries to hit the RKO, but Edge counters and goes for the cover, for Randy to kick out at two. Edge goes to the opposite corner from before, and sets up the Spear. Edge runs for the Spear, but Jericho attacks. Jericho rolls Edge up, Edge kicks out. Edge rolls Randy up, Randy kicks out. Then, all three of them clothesline each other.

Jericho sends Edge out of the ring, and then Randy goes for the RKO, Jericho counters. Jericho goes for Lionsault, Randy moves out of the way. Randy begins pounding on the mat, and then hits the RKO on Jericho, then on Edge. He pins Edge for the victory.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall!

Edge has stayed in the ring the entire commercial break, and is demanding that Chris comes back out, saying that ‘this has gone on between us for too long.’ Chris does come back out, asking what Edge’s problem is. Edge asks how many a lot and I missed about three of them. He says that it has to end right here, right now, tonight. Chris grabs a mic, after demanding it. For the first time in eleven years, they agree on something: It’s going to end tonight. Chris is the reason that Nexus has achieved what they have. If Chris just snaps his fingers, Nexus would do whatever he wanted them to. He could call Nexus out here and take years off not only his career, but his life. Edge doesn’t think that Nexus agrees, and they’d take Edge up on his offer first. Looks like Nexus is going to answer, because they’re coming out now.

Wade says they’re both veterans and Nexus would be lucky to call either of them an ally. They’ve had successful, innovative, Hall of Fame careers. But, Jericho was right. Nexus wouldn’t take years off his career, they’d end it. Nexus then attacks Edge, and Jericho’s bouncing around pretty excited. Edge is then Speared by Sheffield. Chris then puts Edge in the Walls of Jericho, with Nexus still surrounding them. Chris seems to realize where he is, because he lets Edge out, staring at Nexus.

Wade says that Edge was also right. They would really like to shut up the guy who’s claiming to be behind Nexus’ success. They surround him, and Chris attacks Barrett, clinging to him as Nexus tries to pull him off. They finally get him off and start wailing away on him. Barrett claims that Jericho didn’t teach him anything. Nexus then lifts Jericho, and Otunga takes him down.

@kickoutblog Hey, at least @IAmJericho went down swinging, just like the best in the world should!

Nexus is walking backstage, and they go into the Nexus locker room. Wade is stopped by Josh Matthews, who says that there is no question he has the most powerful group in the WWE. I missed the rest of this part because I was talking to my grandmother. Sorry.

Sheamus comes up to Barrett and says he has a proposal. Wade tells him to step into his office, and Sheamus says he’d rather wait out there. Pansy ass.

John is waiting in the locker room area, and is doing an interview with Michael Cole from ringside. Cena says he didn’t shake Barrett’s hand out of foolish pride and because he thought he could stop Barrett. No one could stop Barrett. Edge and Jericho were decimated, Nexus attacked last night, and Cena can see the writing on the wall. What Cena’s saying is that tonight, he’d like to meet Wade Barrett and Nexus in the ring, because he’s got something to say. King asks why, and Cena says that they’ve cost him everything. They say that you’re either Nexus, or against us. Right now, Cena’s if you can’t beat ‘em… and he walks away.

Eve Torres vs. Maryse with Ted DiBiase

Ted returns the favor tonight and accompanies Maryse to the ring. Last night, Maryse actually got in the ring and climbed the ladder. John Morrison pulled her down and put her out of the ring, by the way. Maryse takes off a ring or something and hands it to the ref. Hoshit, Ted is on commentary. Maryse trash talks Eve for a while, but Eve shoves her away. Maryse hits her back with a good slap, and then kicks her into the ropes. Ted says Maryse isn’t a gold digger. Maryse is dominating this match, flinging Eve around however she wants to. However, Eve fights back, getting Maryse down, and going for a pinfall. However, Maryse gets her foot on the rope. The ref never seems to see it. However, and Ted starts yelling at the ref. Eve rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp.

Eve Torres wins via pinfall!

Morrison comes down and attacks Ted, hitting Starship Pain on DiBiase. Sheamus is making his way to… somewhere. I think it’s the ring.

@TKeep123 I’ll admit I enjoy seeing Maryse laying on her back, but…that match could have lasted a few more minutes. Damn, no French kiss! #WWE #RAW

It’s a shame that they lost their heads…

Sheamus comes down to the ring and everyone wonders what it is that he could possibly have to say about or to Nexus?

Sheamus says to let the records show: He’s beaten Cena in tables, fatal four way, and a steel cage match. He beat Cena for the first time and it was called a fluke. A second time? Luck. Now that it’s the third time, and the word is dominance. What now for Cena? He’s in Sheamus’ past. He gets the back of the line and he won’t get another title shot against Sheamus anytime soon. He should have done what Sheamus did earlier tonight. He went and found Barrett, walked up to him, and said he wanted, no, demanded a truce. He explained to Barrett that one year ago, no one had ever heard of Sheamus or Nexus. But now, they’re both the two most powerful entities in the entire WWE. He explained that they don’t have to like each other, they’ll stay out of each other’s business. Barrett agreed, and as of tonight, the truce is in effect. It’s good news for Sheamus, but bad for Orton. The only way Orton can beat Sheamus is Nexus’ interference, but that’s gone now, so Orton doesn’t stand a chance. He’ll suffer the same fate as Cena. He can sit back and watch as Sheamus becomes the longest reigning champion of all time.

AWESOME!

Miz comes down with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Miz congratulates Sheamus on getting rid of the Nexus problem. Now, Sheamus has a bigger problem: A Miz problem. Sheamus doesn’t control the fate of the WWE Championship, Miz does, because he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. He can cash it in anytime he wants for a WWE Championship match. Anytime Sheamus is in that ring, Miz will be watching him. Say Sheamus beats Orton at SummerSlam, but as Sheamus gets his hand raised, Sheamus is hit with an RKO, and Miz will be there. What if Sheamus is interviewed backstage, and Miz beats him and drags him out to the ring, and beats him? Regardless of who’s champion, Miz can wait for the moment that his entire career has been leading to, to Main Event Wrestlemania! Or maybe Miz forgets about all that and cashes it in tonight. Either way, Sheamus can call Miz his celebrity stalker, because every breath he takes, every move he makes, Miz will be watching him, because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome! Sheamus interrupts, saying he’s the WWE Champion, and Miz is nothing.

You’ve got Mail!

GM: Should The Miz want to cash in the Money in the Bank contract tonight, take a seat at ringside. Sheamus will be in action right now against this man…

You are cleared for takeoff…

WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

Evan gets early momentum, sending Sheamus right out of the damn ring. And then, commercial.

@Niki_Sushi ‘Were there any smilie-faces at the end of that e-mail?’ The answer is yes. But Cole’s too stupid to say ‘smiley-face-smiley-face’. #BWF

We come back to Sheamus rolling back out of the ring. Sheamus shoves Evan into the apron, and they both climb back into the ring. Evan gets back with some sharp kicks, and Sheamus Irish Whips Evan, only for Evan to kick him in the face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Sheamus sends Evan into the turnbuckle, and then keeps him in the corner with some kicks and knees. Sheamus wraps Evan around the turnbuckle and pulls on him from the outside, releasing at four. Sheamus climbs back into the ring, keeping Evan down. Sheamus hammers Evan with some forearms before putting him into some weird ass submission move. Evan fights to his feet and then tries to fight back, only to get planted on the mat. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Evan kicks out at two. Sheamus pulls Evan up by his hair and shoves him right back down before going back to work on the shoulder of Evan. Evan fights out of it, and hits Sheamus with some hard kicks. Sheamus sends him into the corner and literally slaps him silly, only for Evan to kick the hell out of his head. Sheamus misses a clothesline, and Evan puts his foot in Sheamus’ jaw. Evan goes for a cover on Sheamus, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus is down, and Evan goes to the top rope. Miz is on the edge of his seat, ready, but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. Evan jumps out to the outside, landing right on Sheamus. The ref starts his count. Sheamus gets back in, and Evan’s still being counted on. He gets back up to the apron, and is kicked coming in. Sheamus hits the big boot, and covers Evan for the win.

WWE Champion Sheamus wins via pinfall!

Miz applauds, almost sarcastically, at Sheamus’ victory. Miz then hits Sheamus right in the ribs with the briefcase, followed by a shot to the back. He seems to be considering cashing in, and gets Sheamus up, attempting to go for the Skull Crushing Finale, and hits it, planning Sheamus’ face on the briefcase. Miz cashes it in.

Truth runs out, and Miz climbs out, taking his briefcase back. Truth attacks Miz, as Miz tries to leave. Miz takes the briefcase and leaves. Since the bell never rang, it’s not an official match up, thus he never cashed it in, officially.

@BrdWrstlngFn I can only imagine the RAW review if @MikeTheMiz wins the title right here…

–Hey! Don’t mock me!! I’m behaving!! I usually behave!! I keep it… mostly… unbiased… sometimes.

@Niki_Sushi To RAW fans, you are extremely lucky Miz didn’t win the title tonight. There would have been no review, just a Mizfit ranting on Miz. #BWF

–Hey! Nu-uh!!! I… I would have made it a very fair RAW review. DAMN YOU BOTH! … J/K. I love you both.

Miz is backstage, and Josh says that he has to be furious because R-Truth ruined it for him. Miz says that Truth just cost him the WWE Championship. He had Sheamus unconscious. Make no mistake, there will be other opportunities. He has an entire year. So whether it’s tomorrow night, or July 17^th, 2011, he will take his rightful place as WWE Champion. Because he’s the Miz, and he’s AWESOME… and pissed.

Sheamus is walking backstage with an icepack over his head, and stops at the Divas, The Bellas, and Gail, who are laughing, demanding to know if they think it’s funny. He continues on, but Randy stops him. He says that it’s too bad what just happened. Having the WWE Championship makes Sheamus a target, and come SummerSlam, whether it’s Sheamus, Miz, or whoever, they will be wearing a giant bull’s eye. Randy won’t hit that bull’s eye with an arrow, spear, or bullet. He’s going to hit the bull’s eye with an RKO.

What’s Cena calling Nexus to the ring for?! We’ll find out later tonight.

@IAmJHPunk Fact: Bullets, spears, and arrows hurt more than RKOs. #wwe #raw #bwf

John Morrison is on the cover of Muscle & Fitness!!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. William Regal and Zack Ryder

Honestly, I thought that Santino would be done by now… Seems they’re funny enough to keep around. Sucks that Zack is here instead of… wherever he used to be… Nevermind, he’s fine here. Anyway, Santino and Ryder start off, and I miss Ryder’s one-legged trunks. Santino’s pulling some Diva-esque moves here, and Ryder seems confused. Santino tags in Kozlov, and Ryder tags in Regal. Kozlov gets the advantage over Regal and tags in Santino, who’s almost immediately beaten up by Regal. Regal covers Santino, who kicks out at two. Regal tags in Ryder, who does something and then covers Santino, who kicks out at two. Ryder gets Santino in a headlock. Ryder keeps the advantage, going for something off the turnbuckle, but Santino moved. Santino kicks Ryder away from him and tags in Kozlov, who throws Ryder around the ring like he’s nothing. Kozlov goes for a cover, but Regal comes in, and Kozlov is up. Regal rolls out, Kozlov plants Ryder, and Kozlov tags in Santino, who does something, and then goes for the cover, and wins.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall!

Santino celebrates, and Kozlov actually manages to smile, though he doesn’t seem quite as excited as Santino. Nexus is all together in the back, talking before the Barrett v Henry match up. Remember, Nexus can’t be ringside.

Wade Barrett vs. Mark Henry

I’m actually wondering what kind of a match this is gonna be… I think Mark Henry just got lucky for Money in the Bank, to be honest, but we’ll see… Hey!!! Maybe Mark will actually split Wade’s weave! … Oh, right… white Englishman. No weave… my bad.

Henry goes for Wade, but Wade climbs out of the ring. He climbs back in, and then goes to attack, Mark, but Mark head butts him right down, and Wade rolls out. The ref starts the count, and Wade climbs back in. They lock up again, and Wade hits Mark with a knee to the gut. A few good hits seem to be pissing Mark off. Each hit looks like it’s making Mark madder, until Mark just punches Wade in the head, and bounces his head off the turnbuckle. Wade’s down after a big clothesline by Mark Henry. Henry goes for a cover, but Barrett kicks out. Henry gets Barrett up and then head butts him. Wade gets up, head butts him back, and takes the lead. He focuses his attack on Henry’s knee, but is taken down with a scoop slam. Henry goes for the cover, but Barrett kicks out at two. Barrett is dragged over to the corner, and Henry gets up, but is distracted as Nexus comes down on the stage. They’re not ringside, so it doesn’t count. Barrett manages to lift Henry, but literally falls, selling it pretty well, for what it was, and covers Henry for the win.

Wade Barrett wins via pinfall!

After the match, Wade Barrett shoves Henry out of the ring. Lifting him seems to have done its damage to his back, because Barrett’s holding it. Barrett gets a mic, and calls out Cena.

@kickoutblog Wade Barret’s gonna regret that when he shits his spine out later tonight.

Nexus is still in the ring, and I swear it looks like Slater has girl legs, and Young’s hair is actually down, instead of straight the hell up. Not bad, actually.

Tarver says that they already made one truce tonight, and they give them his word that they will at least hear him out… If he acknowledges that the Nexus run this show. If he understands that if he continues with this resistance, then they will make his life miserable for the rest of John’s “little” career. This furthers @ThinkSoJoe’s theory of Daniel Bryan running RAW, but whatever. If Cena apologizes for attacking Tarver and Young, then they may consider ending it. But it’s all on Cena.

BRRRRRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA DOO!!

Nexus is lined up, all nice and neat, and Cena doesn’t even get in the ring yet. He thanks them for meeting him out there. He gets in the ring and says that since Nexus arrived, he’s had two WWE Championship matches. The first, they cost him the Championship, and the second they prevented him from winning it back. Tonight, Sheamus made a truce with them, something he should have done a long time ago. He apologizes, and asks them for a truce as well. Barrett says no. He’s not interested in a truce, or an olive branch. He’s not looking for peace. He wants Cena to join Nexus. Think about it, everything he’s achieved on his own, he can achieve ten times that by joining Nexus. Face facts: Nexus is the present and the future of the WWE, and together they’re gonna be unstoppable. To be perfectly honest, this isn’t really much of a choice. He’s either Nexus, or ‘against us’. Does John wanna make history together by joining?

Cena says he can’t do it. Wade says that’s unfortunate, and it leaves Nexus with a different proposition. Either Cena can leave the ring with his tail between his legs and show the world what a coward he really is, or he can stand in the ring and Nexus will give him the most vicious beating Nexus has ever administered. Cena climbs out of the ring and walks up the ramp. He stops at the stage and says he wants to say one more thing, something he’s said time and time again. Whether he does it himself, or has help, he will take each and every one of them down. He’s walking back toward the ring. Tonight’s little peace offering was a test. They sealed their fate, because Cena has help. Ever since Nexus came and started beating people up, Cena’s been forming a team. A team that will take down Nexus at SummerSlam. They said they wanted him to join the Nexus, to make history. Tonight, Cena wants them to meet his team and realize that at SummerSlam, Nexus is history.

Cena’s Team: Edge. John Morrison. R-Truth. Khali. Chris Jericho. Bret Hart.

Cena’s Army, as Cole called them, stormed the ring, and Nexus ran.

My thoughts: Well, the Cena vs. Nexus thing is going to be interesting at SummerSlam. I like Cena, Edge, Morrison, Truth, and Jericho, but Khali? I don’t remember Khali being intimidating lately, at all. And as for Bret Hart… it could be really interesting, but it could be a complete screw up at the same time. Guess we’ll just have t see how it plays off.

RAW Review 7.12.10

July 12, 2010 11:18 pm Leave a Comment

Hello, everyone!! Tonight’s RAW Review is going to be written similar to last week’s, mainly because it’s easier for me. I should be able to bounce back next Monday. Anywho, tonight, Randy faces Edge and John Cena goes one on seven against the Nexus!! What’ll happen!?

We kick off RAW with a flashback of last week, where John refused to shake Wade Barrett’s hand, and how the RAW GM made the matchup for tonight. You all remember that, right? No? Ah, well… Oh yeah! I almost forgot RAW had a theme. We haven’t seen it in a while. Oh, and the mom from The Brady Bunch is the guest host… Whoever she is… I already forgot her name. Oh!! It’s a six-on-one handicapped match!! Thanks to John kicking Darren Young’s ass last week, he can’t compete. Shame.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCOOBY DOO!

Cena starts by thanking the WWE Universe, then thanks the WWE Superstars who helped him last week. It was missing a white flash, white lightning, a white kid with red hair. Sheamus. Eventually, Sheamus will have to remember that they’re all in this together, but Sheamus will have to realize that Sheamus is not going to be the WWE Champion, because he’s going to lose it to John in the Steel Cage Match. Insert some Irish jokes, and then how Sheamus became WWE Champion twice. In a Steel Cage Match, no one can interfere, which is more important. He gets on a real roll about his match tonight when Nexus comes out, wearing… the most retarded shirts ever. I’m just sayin’.

Barrett says that they could go tot he ring and beat the living daylights out of him, but it’d be too easy. So, they’re going to wait until later on when everyone can watch them. They can do whatever they want with a clear conscience, because Cena brought it upon himself. Cena and Barrett are about to start arguing with the GM sends an email: Mr. Cena. Based upon your blatant disregard for my instructions, if any Superstar gets involved in the match tonight, they will be suspended for 90 days. Futhermore, the Nexus must tag in and out tonight. If they don’t abide by that rule, they will be suspended for 90 days as well. Barrett points out that Cena’s going to be in that ring all alone. Cena says that he may lose, but he’s going to take a few of them down with him tonight.

@Niki_Sushi White flash, white lightning, the pale kid with the red hair… Why not Sheamus McDonald? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Loved Cena calling them “NNNnnnnnnNNN” !! RT @Duce102694: Nexus is out w/ the ugly N Shirt #WWE #Raw

Eve is ringside and going on commentary for the Diva’s match.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim

Actually not a bad Diva’s match… Would have been better had Alicia actually hit her intended target with her finisher, but whatever. Eve on commentary was kind of… uninteresting, no matter how much I like Eve.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox wins by pinfall.

After the match, the RAW GM sends an email. He said that since Alicia faked an injury last week, Eve gets another chance at the Diva’s Championship this Sunday at Money in the Bank.

@divadirt Alicia vs Eve announced for Money in the Bank… TWO Divas matches this Sunday! OMG!

The Hart Dynasty and Natalya vs The Usos and Tamina in a Six Person Tag Team Match

During this match, we’re finally told about the guest host, though no one really cares. Tyson’s getting some good momentum early in, but Tamina shoves his foot off the rope to give…. whichever one it is the advantage. Sorry, but I didn’t hear the na- Jimmy was the one who got the advantage. David Hart Smith gets in and snatches the momentum back for the Hart Dynasty. He went for a cover, but Tamina pulled him off. Then Natalya got her out of the ring. The Usos steal the momentum back and take the win.

The Usos and Tamina win by pinfall!

Barrett is talking to Chris, thanking him for teaching him. Chris congratulates him, and then is stopped by Josh, but he walks off. Nexus then gangs up on Yoshi Tatsu, who stares at David Otunga before Otunga beats him up a little. Tarver then hits him a few times and gets in his face for no apparent reason.

@jcenadotcom Did anyone buy that beatdown by Nexus on Tatsu?

It’s a new day! It’s a new generation!!

Maryse and Ted DiBiase make their way out to the ring, and we’re reminded that Maryse helped to distract John Morrison last week so that DiBiase could steal the win. Ted introduces them as the Million Dollar Couple, then clarifying that he’s referring to himself and the Money in the Bank briefcase. He tells Maryse to imagine the possibilities after he wins the briefcase: he’ll shower her with gifts and will win the WWE Championship.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!

John Morrison says that he wouldn’t waste his time showering Maryse with gifts, because everyone knows the French don’t take showers. Maryse proceeds to say something in French, and Morrison just says OK and translates it as: everyone in the arena has hippo breath and smells like dueling rhinos in the Serengeti plains. And that Maryse herself resembles a dung chewing platypus. She goes to slap him, he blocks, and DiBiase attacks Morrison. DiBiase went for Dream Street, but Morrison countered. he beats on DiBiase for a minute and then goes for Starship Pain, only for Maryse to pull DiBiase out of the way.

@TKeep123 OK, I have to admit that Dibiase DID trade UP with Virgil Version 2. #wwe #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog New rule: you can’t hate John Cena for his silly promos and then cheer for John Morrison after that. http://bit.ly/RAW71210

Oh, God. We come back for some retarded Brady Bunch sort of segment with Santino and Regal both looking for tag team partners… Santino’s squares are Kozlov, Khali, and Goldust. Regal’s are Ryder, Primo, and a Doink wannabe. And there’s the mom from Brady Bunch. She gives Santino an apple pie (FLORENCE HENDERSON! That’s her name). Santino makes some dumb joke and canned laughter is given. She asks if Santino’s team is ready, and he says yes. More bad jokes and canned laughter, and Regal comes in with the most intelligent comment of the night: I just want to let you know how utterly ridiculous this is. Regal says that he’d go to her for advice on how to raise six annoying children, and he’d go to the Partridge family for other advice. She slaps Regal and shoves him out. Santino goes for a kiss and she stops him, heading out.

OH YEAH!!! Miz booted Truth out of the Money in the Bank PayPerView!!! Who’s going to take his place? We find out tonight!!! We get a flashback to Wrestlemania 21 in 2005 where Edge won the first ever Money in the Bank match. And then to ten months later, at Revolution 2006, where Edge cashed it in against John Cena to get the WWE Championship. Next up, Randy Orton faces Edge!

@_UncleDave Whats the purpose of a raw guest host, seriously? Oh yea, to help save a career of a z-list star. #raw

@dasharpshooters Edge trying to make Lohan weight? That dude looks bony as hell. #wwe #raw

You think you know me…

Edge vs Randy Orton

I love both Edge and Randy… So I’m seriously hoping this is a great match. Because I need something to wipe out that damn Brady Bunch segment… At any rate, Edge gets early momentum, which immediately goes to Randy. Randy holds tight to that momentum, beating on Edge before going to the cover, only for Edge to kick out at two. Randy keeps it for a good while until he throws Edge back into the ring and Edge greets him with a boot to the face. Edge looked like he was setting up for a spear, then lookled like he was setting up a punt, then just kicked him in the head… went for another, but Randy countered with a scoop slam and started to get the momentum back, but Edge snatched it by throwing Randy between the top and middle ropes.

(Just ’cause it made me laugh…)
@ThingsColeSays BREAKING… WWE has signed Paul Heyman to be the 8th man in the Raw MITB match, just to keep him away from TNA.

@AustinH_24seven Randy Orton: 50% tattoos, 50% RAGE #WWE

We come back, and Randy seems to have gotten some momentum back anyway. Edge hits him with a drop toe hold though and beats on Randy for a minute before putting him in a head lock. Randy seemed to be about to go out there, but countered and dropped Edge to the mat. Randy grabs the momentum back and hits a scoop slam. The ref tells Randy to get Edge back in the ring, but Edge manages to counter and attacks Randy. He goes for a cover, but Randy kicks out a two. Edge sets up for a Spear, but Randy kicks him and goes down, prepping for the RKO. Edge counters, goes for Spear, Randy jumps over him, covers Edge, Edge kicks out, and Randy hits a back breaker. Randy drops and starts pounding on the mat only for Jericho to come out and distract Randy. Edge takes advantage and pins Randy for the win.

Edge wins va pinfall.

Jericho climbs into the ring after the match and hits Edge with a Code breaker, Randy hits Jericho with an RKO, and Evan comes out to beat on Randy. Evan goes for Airbourne, but Randy hits the RKO in mid air.

Skip Sheffield is walking, and Josh Matthews stops him to talk about Nexus showing up on NXT tomorrow night, asking if they’re going to focus on the pros, rookies, or both. Morrison gets shoved or something, I missed it, and then Nexus surrounds Morrison. Morrison attacks, but Nexus gets the upper hand and throws Morrison into some doors. All of Nexus gangs up on Morrison and throws him into one of those big boxes that the Spirit Squad got thrown into back in the day- Wait, what’s that? A Glee reference? Says who?! Dolph? Oh, fine. Anyway, they all stand over him as the camera fades.

@TKeep123 Evan Bourn will think twice about another run-in on Randy Orton! Pretty amazing! #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi When Randy Fucking Orton RKO’s Evan Bourne mid-Air Bourne, you KNOW you’re fucked. #WWE #BWF

@ChrisC06 I would get beaten up by the Nexus for laughing at David Otunga’s spray-on hairdo. #WWE #Raw

@shot_of_flair My entire first page on my twitter feed just proved to me that huge boners were had with the SSP-RKO reversal. #WWE

@TKeep123 Orton’s RKO on Evan ranks up there with Jericho’s Codebreaker as a counter to both CMPunk & Mysterio coming off the ropes. #wwe #RAW #bwf

AWESOME!!

The Miz makes his way to the ring with a mic. My favorite part of the night. He mentions how everyone is talking about how they’re going to win Money in the Bank. Well, talk is cheap. We get a flashback to last week when Miz brutally attacked Truth (Did I say brutally? I meant beautifully…). He says that he’s never been more serious in his life. And he took out Truth with his bare hands, not a ladder. He didn’t just take away his ability to compete, he took away his ability to play catch with his son, his ability to entertain. Let’s face it, wherever Truth is, he’s not dancing. This Sunday, when Miz has the ladder in his hands, what he did to Truth will pale in comparison to what he’s going to do to his other opponents. One down, six to go. Because he’s The Miz and he just got interrupted by the GM, that bastard!!! Cole asks if he can have everyone’s attention, and they all scream no. The GM Says: The Miz will now compete against R-Truth’s replacement. See, there’s an old saying: Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked… somebody’s gonna get their weave split.

The United States Champion The Miz vs Mark Henry

I have to admit, I’m disappointed. I wish Mark Henry would split Alicia’s weave… Anyway, Miz goes for Henry pretty enthusiastically, but Henry is having none of it. Henry goes for outside of the ring, but Miz moves last second only for Henry to run into the podium with the laptop to communicate with the GM of RAW. Miz throws a basket of some kind on him, then dumps trash all over Mark and throws the trash can at him.

@dreamsinstatic R-Truth replaced by the Kool Aid man. Oh YEAH! #WWE

@Seanfranchise6 RAW MITB Match will be a FAIL cause MIZARK is in it.

@Niki_Sushi So…. in a round-about way… did Mark Henry just kill RAW’s GM? #RAW #BWF

@B_alpha_male The ‘Worlds strongest man’ just got taken out by rubber trash cans. #WWE #RAW

Dear God… Alright, now we’re going to see Florence Henderson out here as the Special Guest Ring Announcer. She says she’s feeling groovy, and NO I AM NOT FEELING GROOVY.

The Regal Bunch: William Regal, Zack Ryder, Primo, and Doink the Clown vs The Santino Bunch: Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Goldust, and the Great Khali in an 8-Man Tag Team Match

Okay, so… Flo stole Regal’s cloak, Santino finally hit the frigging Cobra, and Doink was tagged in. Doink uses a squirt gun to spray Khali, but Khali didn’t like it much, and pins Doink for the win after a smack to the head.

The Santino Bunch win via pinfall!

The music stops and Santino goes over to Flo again, but she ducks under him and goes to Khali. they kiss, and Santino is heartbroken… And I just threw up a little in my mouth… Khali picks her up and they kiss more, and I die a little inside….

@TKeep123 Ok, this Bradey Bunch tag match has potential to be a Royal mess…. Doink? Reminiscent of The Oddities. #wwe #raw #BWF

@aemckay Khali, you smoothie. Florence Henderson, you slut. #WWE #RAW

The Money in the Bank line up: Smackdown: Matt Hardy, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, The Big Show, Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, Christian, and Kane. RAW: United States Champion The Miz, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Edge, John Morrison, Ted DiBiase, Evan Bourne, and Chris Jericho.

Josh talks to Edge about how psycho Edge basically is. Edge says that he has a voice that talks to him and what not… I had this part typed out, but my computer decided to delete it. Evan’s with a trainer, and Sheamus shows up. He asks if the RKO messed Evan up, and then Nexus shows up. Sheamus looks nervous and says that Bourne was bragging about how he helped jump them last week. Insert Nexus beating up Bourne now. Sheamus kneels next to Bourne and says that that’ll teach him a lesson, won’t it, fella? Nexus comes back and looks at Sheamus. They start after Sheamus, but Sheamus runs, and asks where Cena’s locker room is before taking off again.

@iwcmvp Josh Matthews is the leader of The Nexus #WWE

Nexus vs John Cena in a Six-on-One Handicapped Match

Reminder: If anyone helps Cena, they’re suspended for 90 days. If Nexus doesn’t tag in and out, then they’re suspended for 90 days. It starts with Cena tearing Tarver up. Tarver tags in Justin Gabriel. Gabriel rolls over to tag in Skip Sheffield after taking a slight beating from Cena. Cena and Sheffield are having a match of strength before Sheffield shoves Cena into the corner. Cena manages to wiggle out before Nexus all get out of the ring and huddle up for a minute to rethink their strategy. The ref is yelling at them to get back up on the apron. While the ref is distracted, Heath Slater attacks him from behind, and Sheffield beats on Cena., throwing Cena into his corner. Slater is tagged in, keeping Cena in the corner as Nexus beats up on Cena while Slater distracts the ref. Slater keeps hitting Cena pretty hard with some suplexes before tagging in David Otunga. Cena fights back and manages to get some hits in on other members of Nexus before Otunga gets him again, suplexing Cena. Cena manages to drop Otunga, and then Wade Barrett is tagged in. It looks like John was saving his energy for Barrett, but Barrett hits Cena with a boot to the face. He got Cena up in a Fireman’s Carry, but Cena got out, beating on Barrett with some shoulder take downs before hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Barrett. Sheffiled tags himself in as Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Barrett. Sheffield hits that clothesline, then tags in Otunga. Otunga hits Cena, then tags in Gabriel, who pulls Cena closer to the corner and hits the 450 Splash, and goes for the cover for the win.

The Nexus wins via pinfall.

Nexus celebrates in the ring afterward, and Barrett makes them all back off. Cena uses Barrett to stand up before punching Barrett and running for a chair. He takes out Slater and runs into the ring. Nexus scatters outside of the ring and gets Slater. Barrett pulls them all back together to strategize, and they surround the ring again. Cena’s bleeding here, by the way. Nexus surrounds the ring, but Sheamus comes in with a chair too, losing it in his hurry to beat on Nexus. Cena and Sheamus clear the ring with their chairs, finally working in unison.

Not a bad show tonight, overall. Guys, next week, use the #BWF hashtag in your tweets so that I can put you in the RAW review, alright? Thanks!!

RAW 7.5.10

July 5, 2010 11:15 pm 1 Comment

Terribly sorry everyone, but I feel like crap. I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just exhausted and what not. So, thanks to that… I’m going to be shortening the RAW review to the bare minimum. Just the important parts and the matches/who won. So… yeah. Here we go!

According to the commercial that came on about five minutes before RAW did, Eve has invoked her rematch clause for the Diva’s Championship against Alicia Fox, and tonight, we’ll find out what the mystery General Manager has in store for Nexus.

We start of RAW with Nexus (and Wade Barrett this week) standing in a line in the ring. Wade says attacking Vince McMahon was just part of a bigger picture. Sheffield says that they attacked Ricky Steamboat and the Legends just for fun, which wasn’t why they attacked the others. An email from the GM says that he’s decided on a punishment for Nexus for their attack on Vince: None of the Nexus can compete for a WWE Title until further notice. Furthermore, the ruling of Nexus members not being able to touch WWE Superstars and vice-versa has been lifted. Cena comes out, followed by Randy, Truth, Evan, John Morrison, and the Hart Dynasty. the Superstars are attacked by Sheamus, Uso’s, Ted, Jericho, Miz, and Edge. Nexus has disappeared. The faces are left standing in the ring. Sheamus says that the heels don’t want to help him. Randy says that he and Cena will never be friends unless they have to, and says that they should finish what they started with the seven heels. An email from the GM says that if they want action, they’ll get it. All eight members of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match will be against one another in singles competition. Cena will face Barrett tonight, but it won’t be a match. The GM want Cena and Barrett to call a truce. Cena says that instead of calling a truce, how about he knocks Barrett’s teeth out. GM says he needs Cena to be the bigger man and he trusts Cena to do the right thing, or else his actions will be met with the appropriate consequences, and… that’s the bottom line, because the GM said so.

John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase with Maryse

Maryse sits ringside and calls Cole out for calling her a gold digger. I’m actually a little amused by her, especially that she answered the phone during the match, and just insults Cole. It makes me laugh. Anyway, she jacks Morrison’s jacket and distracts him so that Ted can get a cheap shot… or four? DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.

Ted DiBiase wins by pinfall.

Santino and Vladimir Kozlov make their way to the ring (“Italia and Russia together again! Like World War 2! Except this time, no Nazis.” – Santino Marealla), and later, John Cena and Wade Barrett are supposed to call a truce… yeah right.

Slam of the Week: Vladimir Kozlov defeats Santino Marella and then beats up William Regal after Regal attacks Santino.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and The Great Khali

Regal calls them oxygen thieves before the match even starts and makes me laugh. Regal calls Khali a monster, which makes me roll my eyes… At any rate, Kozlov demolishes Regal, then tags Santino in, almost getting in trouble, Santino gets demolished by Regal, and Kozlov pins Regal.

Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.

After the match, Khali climbs in the ring, and tells Santino and Vladimir to stand Regal up, and just knocks him in the head. Khali and Santino, and Ranjin, dance, and Vladimir wonders where his days of glory went off to.

Later on tonight, Edge brings Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne to The Cutting Edge, as well as information on Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and the other Legends after last week’s assault.

Arn Anderson says that Ricky’s attack was serious. Sheamus shows up and mocks Anderson, essentially, calling him a pathetic old man. Anderson says that they have to get out of the way of their egos and work on Nexus, or the company, and their careers, are going to go up in flames.

United States Champion The Miz vs R-Truth

Miz come sout to Truth’s theme and is rapping, which made me die… It was hilarious. Before the match even starts, he starts beating on Truth, while I’m still laughing my ass off… Anyway, Miz just goes off on Truth’s arm. The bell never officially rang, but for my ego’s sake…

The United States Champion The Miz wins… by ass-kicking.

The Cutting Edge: Money In the Bank Pay-Per-View Edition

Edge makes his way to the ring, set up with ladders, and the Money in the Bank briefcase. He says that he’s smarter than Randy and everyone else there. Why make seven enemies, when he can make seven powerful allies? They just need leadership, which he can provide. He goes to call out Evan Bourne, but Jericho comes out instead.

Jericho says he doesn’t take a back seat to anyone, and that Edge is shamelessly pandering to Nexus. He was Wade Barrett’s pro, and that helped him win the season. Chris told Barrett to make an impact, do something never done before. Edge rubs the loss to Evan Bourne in, and Jericho rubs Edge’s loss at Wrestlemania in. Edge starts to give Jericho a history lesson, but Edge just wants to be Jericho, according to Jericho. Edge gets sick of Jericho and attacks him. Jericho attacks back and puts Edge in the walls of Jericho, but Evan comes out and hits Jericho. Then, he jumps over a Spear, ducks under both of them, and flips right out of hte ring. Then the GM sends an email.

The GM says if the audience want to see some action, give him a HELL YEAH. So, they’re clearing the ring of The Cutting Edge stuff, and the following is going to take place.

Edge and Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne and Randy Orton

Starts off with Orton and Bourne getting some really good momentum, and then Jericho turns it around right before the commercial break. When we come back, Edge still has the momentum over Bourne, mostly thanks to Jericho beating Bourne during the break. Randy almost had Jericho set up for the RKO, but Edge interfered and Jericho manage to hit the insigari. Bourne gets tagged in, and Jericho starts to yell and berate Edge, so Edge spears him. Bourne hits the Air Bourne for the win.

Randy Orton and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.

Afterward, Randy hits an RKO on Evan, and smirks toward the ramp.

Randy walks backstage, and Nexus stops him. Otunga says that nothing was against Randy, but the WWE Championship match at Fatal 4Way was just to make a statement. They’re trying to apologize, and they won’t interfere in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but they can’t promise anything for the steel cage match. Otunga says he wants Randy to think about hit next time Cena tries to recruit him. Randy says he’s heard what they have to say, now get out of his face.

During the previous commercial break, the GM emailed and said that the Hart Dynasty would defend their Unified Tag Team Championships against The Uso’s. The Uso’s and Tamina tell Josh Matthews that this is the opportunity of the lifetime. They say they’ll be the new Tag Team Champions, and next week, everyone will know what the Uso’s and Tamina are all about. Alicia seems upset that she hasn’t been interviewed once since she became the Diva’s Champion. She asks if it’s because she’s not important, or because he doesn’t care what she has to say, and the WWE Universe says that, yeah, she’s pretty much right. Anyway, next is the Diva’s Championship match.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship

Pretty standard Diva’s match, with Alicia faking an ankle injury to get Eve off guard to retain.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox retains via pinfall.

The GM says that next week, Edge and Randy Orton will go one on one.

Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring as we get back from the commercial break. Wade says that he wants Cena to come out so they can shake hands like men.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER FOOD!!!!

Cena comes out and starts checking for Nexus. He gets in the ring, still looking for Nexus. Wade says that Cena is not in Nexus’ future plans, regardless of what they’ve done. Barrett wants to put everything in the past behind them so that they can move on. The simple fact is that the Nexus Seven are going to be there for a long time and can make his life easy, or a lot harder than it has been. The choice is Cena’s.

Cena asks, if they shake hands, it stops? No more looking over his shoulder? Cena says that the anonymous GM wanted to do this truce, but Cena needs to know if Barrett does, and he needs Barrett’s word. If they shake hands, this stops. Cena holds his hand out, and Barrett goes to shake it, but Cena pulls his hand away and asks why stop when they’re having so much fun?! Cena says take your truces, handshakes, future plans, blah blah blah, crumple them, and stuff them up your Nexus. The future is that Cena takes down Nexus, whether he does it himself, has help, he gets to every single one of them.

Barrett says that the fact that Cena is even capable of standing in the ring is a testament to, basically, how it isn’t about him. Barrett is warning Cena: Shake his hand, or Cena will face some very, very severe consequences. Cena grabs his hand, then starts to get him in an Attitude Adjustment. The Nexus Seven come out, but then dso does Evan Bourne, John Morrison, Mark Henry, Khali, Goldust, Kozlov, Santino, the Hart Dynasty, Yoshi Tatsu… and I think that was all… it got hard to tell. Sorry. Basically, Nexus is then shoved out of the ring, except Darren Young, who got bitch slapped by Mark Henry.

The GM sends an email: I wanted peace, so if things don’t stop now, there will be consequences. Cena puts Young in the STF. The GM sends another email: Cena, because of your actions, you will now face all members of the Nexus next week in a seven-on-one handicapped match. Cena then begins hammering away on Darren Young again. Cena then throws the “steel” ring steps at Darren Young’s head, throws Young over the announce table, and then shoves the announce table over on Young.

Next week, I guess we’ll see more of the Nexus. Until then, seeya around.

RAW 6.28.10

June 29, 2010 12:21 am 1 Comment

Hey everybody! Sorry about the lack of a RAW review last week. I had some computer troubles. But, I have a new laptop now, and I’m back in business. For more frequent updates as to why I’m not doing what I’m supposed to, make sure you follow me on Twitter: @TheMizMagnet. This week, Rob Zombie hosts!! Not only that, but what are the consequences supposed to be for the NXT Rookies attacking Mr. McMahon? What about this new GM? Who the hell is he… or she?!

Last Monday, the NXT Rookies surrounded Referee!Vince in the ring and then violently/brutally, whatever you wanna call it, attacked him, leaving him motionless in the ring as they all stood over him.

We start off RAW with no theme music. We’re told that we know nothing so far about Vince’s condition, but we’ll be updated if anything new is discovered tonight. Also, the NXT Season One Rookies want to be called Nexus, and Wade Barrett is at WWE HQ to plead his case and what not. The new anonymous General Manager says that the Nexus’ actions would be met with the appropriate consequences.

It’s a shame that they lost their heads, a careless man who could wind up dead...

Sheamus comes out to the ring and says that he watched the footage of Nexus beating Vince several times and he has to say he’s disgusted. He’s disgusted about what went down. So, as the WWE Champion, he felt it was his responsibility to make a statement on behalf of the company: the champ is here. Even though the Nexus lads got involved in his match, eveyone knows he would have beaten Cena regardless, and he would have proved he’s worthy of the Championship. He knows it’s unfortunate when it happens, but one important thing came out of it: Cena’s not the #1 Contender for the belt, and why? because he used his rematch clause. It means that he no longer has to look at the tacky orange t-shrits, no longer does he have to listen to the never-give-up slogans, and no longer does he have to listen to the WWE Universe chant “Cena” every week like parrots. No longer does he have to listen to Cena make fun of his beautiful Irish skin by calling him a human jar of mayo. He hates Cena. Cena can get to the back of the queue, like everyone else, because he’s through and he’s never gonna get a shot at Sheamus’ gold ever again.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHABADOO!!!!

Cena makes his way to the ring and just stands there for a couple minutes, grinning and listening to the crowd. Sheamus asks him what he’s doing there, and says that he’s not going to get another shot at him or his belt again. Cena says that he knows and he didn’t come out there for that. He came out here to ask for help. Everybody here saw how Sheamus won the Championship, everyone saw how he kept it. It’s the group calling themselves Nexus. They made a target out of him because he was the WWE Champion, and they’re coming after the human jar of Mayo, Philly’s own giant block of cream cheese, the WWE Champion, Sheamus. Cena says he’s gonna cut to thee chase: They don’t like each other. Sheamus is tough as nails and can fight. Wanna keep the championship? His career? Then help Cena right now. They are going to start off RAW the way they should, for one night only, they fight, side by side, right now because Cena’s calling out Nexus, and they’re gonna start off RAW with a brawl.

However, an email sound comes on and Michael Cole stands up and says that he has an email. He’s like the new AOL guy: Welcome. I’ve got mail! Anyway, the email says, and Cole quotes (though I don’t, because that was a lot to type at once with Cole’s voice giving me a migraine), “I’ll wait until next week to take action agaisnt Nexus. I will allow spokesman Barrett time to present his case to WWE Officials. However, as far as tonight is concerned, if any membner of that group makes any contact with any WWE Superstar, they will be terminated. However, if any WWE Superstar initiates contact, they will be suspended.”

Cena thanks the anonymous General Manager. He says that it’s not a total loss, because they’ve learned something about Sheamus. He’s not just pale skin, and he’s a good dude. Honestly, he’s a pretty good guy. Sheamus was thinking to himself that they should have started RAW with a brawl, but, since they can’t, they’re thinking that they should start of RAW with a WWE Championship match!

The email sound comes again and Cole repeats that he has an email. None of us are, apparently, intelligent enough to know what that sound means. This email says that the WWE Championship, Sheamus will be in action tonight, but it’ll be against Mark Henry.

Cena explodes here (metaphorically speaking. Sorry to disappoint some of you). He claims his life is being ruined by the internet, and he hasn’t freaked out this bad since his mom cancelled his Warcraft subscription. He says that the GM should email him directly… at… candypants264@gmail.org. He goes on, but Cole has to tell us he has an email, so I missed it. The email says that in three weeks, there is a new PayPerView called Money in the Bank, where the winner will receive a contract for a WWE Title match that they can cash in at any time. You know, the same stipulations participants get at Wrestlemania. He says that the eight participants for the RAW match will be revealed later tonight, and he would like to demonstrate. Sheamus says the General Manager can demonstrate all he wants, because Shemaus has wasted enough of his time there and he’s out of there. In the ring, the cage starts to lower. The email goes on and says that since last week’s title match ended inconclusively, Sheamus will face John Cena at Money in the Bank for the WWE Championship in a Steel Cage match.

Six Person Tag Match: The Unified Tag Team Champions David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya vs

As the Hart Dynasty comes out to the ring, the Usos come out and lay the Hart Dynasty out. They start to go back up the ramp, but Tamina runs down and throws Natalya in the ring, hitting her with the Superfly Splash.

Backstage, Josh Matthews asks R-Truth what actions he thinks should be taken against Nexus. Truth says that they’re behaving like wild, untamed animals. He says not to fire them because that’s too easy. He tells Josh to leave them there at the WWE Zoo, where he’s the zookeeper. And that’s the Truth.

Vladimir Kozlov vs Santino Marella – If Santino wins, then Vladimir will be Santion’s tag partner

Vladimir is already in the ring, and this match is pretty quick as we move through Santino entering the ring. Santino goes for a lot of moves, Kozlov just brushes him off, blah blah blah, Kozlov ends up pinning Santino.

Vladimir Kozlov Wins!

Kozlov seems to be amused as he keeps helping Santino up only for him to fall back down. He starts to head up the ramp when William Regal comes out, shakes Kozlov’s hand, and then runs into the ring and attacks Santino. Kozlov goes back into the ring and attacks Regal. Then, he carries Santino right out of the ring and up the ramp.

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews The Great Khali, asking him what actions he thinks should be taken against Nexus. Khali says something, but Ranjin Singh just says that Khali says that he’s a big, stupid giant and his manager is really tired of protecting him. If Nexus were to come up right now, Khali would run.

Tomorrow night, the second season of NXT gets their first votes!!

Tonight’s guest host is a five-time Grammy nominated musician, a screen writer, a producer, and actor, he’s Rob Zombie! He’s also the anniversary guest host, so to speak, for this is one year to the week of the first Guest Host! Rob Zombie says he’s there because he loves sick and twisted things, like the sick and twisted things that go on in the ring, like Money in the Bank. He’s there to announce the Money in the Bank Ladder Match participants for RAW: Randy Orton, The United States Champion, The Miz, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, Evan Bounre, Ted DiBiase, John Morrison and… this guy.

Edge shows up on the TitanTron and says that he hasn’t talked to Rob Zombie since he dumped his entrace theme. Rob Zombie says that he wants to set the record straight. He took his song back because he couldnt’ stand to have Edge destroy it. He starts to leave the ring and Edge asks him if that’s it. Did he scare away the horror director, the astro-creep? All that matters is that he won the first ever MitB, and cashed it in on Cena and won his first WWE Championship. Don’t we remember that? Why doesn’t he remind us?

Yeah, Edge did that. He did it and he had so much fun doing it, that he did it years later against the Undertaker. That’s what he was talking about last week when he speared Orton and said now the fun begins because Edge owns Money in the Bank. And he’s gonna show everyone just how twisted he can be ’cause you wanna know what happens when a Viper runs into a guy with a 20 foot ladder? The Viper gets his head crushed before he can strike. And Edge is going to do that to every other participant in that match, and at the end of the match, they will all be staring up at him.

The infamous email sound comes up and Cole says that tonight’s main event will feature all eight Money in the Bank participants in an Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match! Edge, The United States Champion, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, and Chris Jericho will face Evan Bourne, John Morrison, R-Truth, and Randy Orton.

Next: Mark Henry v Sheamus

WWE Champion Sheamus vs Mark Henry

Mark Henry comes out with his rookie, Lucky Cannon, who goes backstage right after. The match starts with Sheamus gaining control until Henry shoves him. Sheamus and Henry exchange hits (if you wanna call it that), and Sheamus hits Henry with a DDT. He goes for the cover, but Henry kicks out a two. Sheamus drops his knee on Henry’s face, and then hits his chest a few times before going for another cover. Henry kicks out at two again. Sheamus gets Henry in a headlock, but then gets backed into a corner. As usual, Sheamus goes for Henry’s knee and tries to take him down with clotheslines before Henry hits one. Henry hits a splash a minute later, and goes for a cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Henry gets up, and Sheamus hits him with whatever his boot move is called, and then covers Henry for the win.

Sheamus wins!

Josh Matthews is now backstage with Nexus. He asks for their reactions to the General Manager’s ruling. Tarver says it goes both ways. They can be fired for attacking a Superstar, but the Superstars will be suspended if they attack Nexus. Besides, Nexus can still make an impact. To prove this point, Skip Sheffield seems to think it’ll be sufficient to knock out some tech guy who probably pissed his pants as soon as Sheffield looked at him. Darren Young says that’s what they mean, and Nexus laughs.

Still to come, our Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match!

“Money” by I Fight Dragons is the official Money in the Bank theme!

Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that tomorrow, a new DVD will be out. Before he says who the DVD is about, he wants to show us something.

Ricky Steamboat comes out, and Jerry says that a few more guys in the back want to say something. Arn Anderson, Dean Malenko, Mike Rotunda, and Micheal P.S. Hays come out to honor his career. They all say some really graet things about Ricky. When Steamboat goes to speak, the Nexus theme hits and they all come out. They surround the ring and then start to take out the legends in the ring one by one until it’s just them and Steamboat in the ring. Steamboat manages to put up a pretty good fight for about thirty seconds before Nexus overpowers him, and we see the same crap we’ve seen for what seems like forever now.

Reminder! Nexus just attacked the legends! Another reminder! The Superstars can’t attack Nexus or they’ll be suspended, which is why no one helped the legends! Realization: With Jerry gone, we now have to listen to Michael Cole scream “VINTAGE” and wet himself all night… Joygasm.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox & Maryse vs Gail Kim and Eve Torres

Lucky for me, if you wanna put it that way, Michael Cole is joined by Josh Matthews. Anyway, Alicia and Eve start, some hits are exchanged, blah blah blah… I got really distracted by whatever Alicia was wearing, so all I know is that eventually, Gail came in and was doing pretty good, but something happened and Alicia hit an axe kick on Gail and won it for her and Maryse.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox and Maryse win!

Next up is the Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match!

Reminder! Last week, Nexus attacked Vince! Reminder!! About fifteen to thirty minutes ago, they attacked WWE Hall of Famers! Next week our slacker GM will determine the fate of Nexus.

Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match
The Rated R Superstar Edge, Chris Jericho, The United States Champion The Miz, and Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs R-Truth, John Morrison, Evan Bourne and Randy Orton

Just because I’m having a moment and I don’t want this to go straight to the commercial thing, I’m going to have some theme song fun!!

You think you know me…

Break the walls down!!

AWESOME! I came to play!

It’s a new day! It’s a new generation!!

What’s up?… What’s up?

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!

*Airplane noises*

I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…

DiBiase and Morrison start it off. DiBiase gets Morrison into the corner and Irish Whips him, but Morrison counters and throws DiBiase down. He gets DiBiase into a headlock and then moves to his corner, tagging in Truth.

Truth slaps DiBiase, who returns it witha punch. Truth then throws DiBiase over the top rope and tags in Bourne, who jumps off the apron and right into DiBiase before throwing him back into the ring. A few hard kicks get DiBiase off his feet. Bourne goes for a cover, but DiBiase kicks out at two and tags in Miz.

Miz gets flipped by Bourne almost immediately, and Bourne goes for a cover only for Miz to kick out at two. He punches Bourne and hits an Irish Whip, only to get hit by a kick to the face. Bourne slams into Miz and goes for the cover again, only for Miz to kick out at two. Bourne throws Miz across the ring and runs at him, only to get Miz’ shoulder in his face. Jericho distracts the ref as DiBiase hits Bourne. Miz tags in Jericho.

Jericho kicks Bounre and then drops him into the bottom rope, hitting a baseball slide to kick him out of the ring next. Edge drops down and hits Bourne while Jericho distracts the ref, and then Jericho goes out to throw Bourne back in. Jericho mocks Bounre before he pulls Bourne to the heel corner and tags Miz back in.

Miz stomps on Bourne a few times before putting his knee in Bourne’s spine. He then plants his knee in Bourne’s spine, lifting Bourne’s head, before slipping into a headlock. Bourne fights out and Miz goes for a suplex, but is kneed to the head by Bourne, who tags Morrison back in.

Morrison hits Miz with two clothesline, then Irish Whips him to a corner, hits a flying chuck, and sets up Starship Pain only for DiBiase to pull Miz out. Morrison jumps over the top rope and takes both out. He goes to throw Miz back in, but Jericho distracts the ref and Edge attacks Morrison.

During the break, Jericho rammed Morrison with a ladder and then feigned injury. Jericho and Morrison are still in the ring, but Morrison falls out of the ring after taking some blows from DiBiase. Jericho brings Morrison into the ring, and Morrison manages to cover Chris, who kicks out at two and in turn, covers Morrison. Morrison kicks out at two, and Jericho tags Edge in.

Edge knees Morrison in the gut, and Morrison fights back, hitting Edge a few times. Edge hits a drop toe-hold on Morrison, and holds onto Morrison’s ankle, pulling him back into the heel corner. Morrison starts to fight back, and Edge tags in DiBiase.

DiBiase hammers away on Morrison as soon as he gets in. When Morrison tries to get some momentum, DiBiase hits him with a scoop slam, locking a headlock on Morrison after. DiBiase then tags in Edge.

Edge flings Morrison into the corner, and Morrison kicks Edge only to get a big boot to the face. He goes into a corner and prepares for the Spear, but Morrison gets out of the way. Edge pulls Morrison back, and Morrison manages to hit an insagiri on the back of Edge’s head. Both are down before Edge tags in Jericho, and Morrison tags in Bourne.

Bourne hits a hurricanrana, then a missile dropkick, countering Jericho’s Irish Whip and hitting Jericho with some high kicks. He goes for a cover on Jericho, but Jericho kicks out at two. Bourne goes to the top rope, and Jericho is right behind him, hitting him. Jericho attempts a suplex, but Bourne gets his knee in Jericho’s face and pushes him down. Bourne goes for Air Bourne and misses it, instead hit with the Codebreaker. Jericho ends up having to tag in DiBiase as Bourne tags in Randy. Orton hits the RKO as soon as DiBiase is close enough.

Randy Orton, Evan Bourne, John Morrison and R-Truth win

After the match, Edge runs back into the ring and attacks Randy from behind. He also brings in a ladder. Truth goes in to help or something, but is hit by a ladder as well. John Morrison and Evan Bourne kick the ladder, sending Edge flying backward. Jericho attempts a Codebreaker or something, but Evan knocks him out of the ring. Morrison helps Bourne onto the top rope, where he flies right into Jericho. Meanwhile, Miz takes out Morrison back in the ring with a Skull Crushing Finale. With the ring cleared, he sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, starting a slow climb up it. Before he can grab the briefcase, Randy comes in and pushes it over, sending Miz right into the ropes. Randy then sets the ladder back up, climbing it and taking the briefcase for himself.

Overall Thoughts: Not too bad a show, though I don’t care what Nexus has planned anymore as long as they stay off my screen with it. Seriously, I’d rather watch Mark Henry try to rap again than anything else they have to do.

RAW 6.14.10

June 15, 2010 1:35 pm Leave a Comment

Sorry this took so long everyone. I was fighting with technology all night.

What’s up everyone!! Tonight, RAW comes from my home state of North Carolina!! What is going on with the Season One NXT Rookies?! What’re the matches going to be to prepare us for Fatal 4Way? WILL SHEAMUS EVER TAN?! All questions will be answered tonight… Not really.

Raw starts us off with a rewind of what happened last week. If you didn’t see it, YouTube it, because I’d really rather not cover it again. It was the NXT rookies beating the hell out of everyone, and that’s all I’ll say about it. I saw enough of it reviewed and talked about and replayed in the past week that I’m so over what’s happened.

We start out with Wade Barrett in the ring, and he introduces himself as the Season One NXT Winner. He says he’s out there because RAW General Manager, Bret Hart demanded that he come out and apologize for lats week. He says that the rest of the NXT Rookies need to come out too so that they can apologize properly. The NXT Rookies fill the ring, and Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole leave, along with Justin Roberts and a few other people. Barrett starts with Heath Slater, asking him to apologize. Slater says no, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. Barrett moves to Justin Gabriel, who says never and he still has goosebumps. Skip Sheffield says no apolgies, no regrets. Michal Tarver says that the look of fear lived on the sweetest of his dreams, and there is no one in the WWE who can make him apologize. Darren Young says not a chance, and he had the time of his life last week. David Otunga says apologize? For what? After how the NXT Rookies were treated, they need to apologize to them. Barrett takes the mic back and says it looks like it’s unanimous. The rookies were treated like dirt, animals, and sooner or later, people will behave like animals. They were made to change in a small locker room, do ridiculous challenges, and were at the mercy of overzealous pros. The rules changed at a moment’s notice, they were eliminated on a whim, and they were made an international joke. Last time he looked, jokes were supposed to be funny, but no one was laughing after RAW last week when they destroyed the ring and John Cena (Obviously, this guy doesn’t read through the Twitter feed I was getting…)

Bret Hart makes his way out and says that they look proud of what they did. Where he comes from, eight on one doesn’t make you tough, just makes you look more cowardly. He reminds us that last week, they attacked John Cena, the Straight Edge Society, security, Justin Roberts, a timekeeper, and a Hall of Famer. Wade Barrett says that Daniel Bryan showed some remorse for it (because apparently that’s how they’re going to play off his firing…), and we’ll never see Daniel Bryan again. Bret says that despite everything, John Cena will still be competing this Sunday at Fatal 4Way. Wade says this had nothing to do with Cena, or the people in the arena. It’s between the Rookies and WWE Management. Aside from some of the pros, they don’t have a problem with anyone in the locker room. The Rookies could stay out arguing all night, but they need to get down to business. Wade has a contract, and a title opportunity at a Pay-Per-View of his choosing, but the other Rookies have their own demands.

David Otunga takes the mic and says their demands are guaranteed WWE contracts, private dressing rooms, and first class travel accommodations. If they fail to comply with even one demand, last week was just the beginning. Barrett takes the mic back and says that before Bret says anything, two weeks ago, Vince McMahon informed him that he would have difficult decisions to make as RAW’s General Manager. This isn’t a difficult choice, because behind him are a group of highly-polished athletes, who could be the future of the WWE. They’re dressed, here, and ready to fight. All they need is a contract.

Bret says that Barrett is right. It is his job to find new, fresh talent. But, with that in mind, his answer is no. He’s not hiring anyone. Barrett says he’s making a mistake. Bret says that it’s the Rookies who made the mistake by attacking Cena. He’s not signing any of them and on account of his actions, Barrett is no longer the breakout star of the WWE (Though Bret said WWF and it made me laugh), and he doesn’t get a title shot, because he’s fired. As for the rest of the Rookies, they can get out of the ring, or Bret will call the cops to physically remove them for trespassing, and they’re all through, whether they like it or not.

Everyone’s back ringside, and King says you can’t bully your way into the WWE.

Fatal Four Way Match for the United States Championship
United States Champion R-Truth vs John Morrison vs Zack Ryder vs The Miz

Ryder focuses on Morrison, and Truth focuses on Miz. Truth and Morrison get Miz and Ryder out of the ring, and go at it. Truth and Morrison lock up, and Truth gets Morrison in a headlock. Truth goes for a cover, but Ryder breaks it. Ryder whips Truth, and Miz grabs his ankles. Truth kicks him off, and Morrison rolls Ryder up. Ryder kicks out at two. Miz, Ryder, and Truth are outside the ring. Miz gets up on the apron, and Morrison flips outside the ring, grabbing Miz and throwing him out and into Ryder.

Miz and Morrison are in the ring, and Morrison goes for the cover. Miz kicks out at two, only to be covered again, and Miz kicks out at two again. Ryder’s up on the turnbuckle, and Morrison goes up with him, going for a superplex. Truth pulls them down and everyone’s down. Truth goes for a cover on Miz, who kicks out at two, then Ryder, who kicks out at two, then Morrison who kicks out at two. Miz goes for a cover on Truth, but Truth kicks out a two. Miz is attacked by Truth, but Ryder pulls him off. Truth starts wailing on him, then goes for Morrison and salms him down. Ryder misses a clothesline, but Truth hits Ryder with a scissor kick. Truth covers Ryder, but Miz breaks it up. Truth goes for Miz, but Miz pulls on the top rope, sending Truth out. Miz then hits Morrison with a baseball slide. Miz then runs at the opposite tunbuckle and hits Ryder with his swinging corner clothesline. Morrison pulls Miz out and hits him with a clothesline. Truth and Ryder are in the ring, and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Ryder. He goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it. Morrison went to do something to Truth, but Miz distracted him, and both Truth and Morrison throw Miz out. Truth knocks Morrison down and goes for the cover, but Ryder breaks it up. Truth knocks Ryder in the corner, Ryder moves, Truth hit with Rough Ryder. Ryder goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it up. Morrison hits Startship Pain on Truth, Miz throws him out, and covers Truth for the win.

New United States Champion, The Miz!

The main event tonight will be Randy Orton vs Sheamus!

Randy is backstage with Josh Matthews, and Matthews asks how Randy’s shoulder is, considering that Randy is competing tonight. Randy says that anything can happen at Fatal 4Way, as was just proven. He says to watch, wait, and see about his shoulder, when he fights Sheamus. Matthews then asks about the NXT Rookies. Randy says part of him has to respect it, because he understands why they’re making a point. But, a bigger part of him just thinks they’re a bunch of punks. They deserved to either be fired, or have their brains beaten in. But, considering Barrett only got fired, they got off lucky.

We come back to a Royal Pains package with Big Show, and Mark Feuerstein is with the Bellas. We’re reminded that this Thursday, on USA, at 10/9 Central, the Big Show guest stars. Ted DiBiase comes up and interrupts . He says that Mark could have a shiny new car of his choice waiting for him in the parking lot if he makes Ted co-Guest Host for the night. Mark says that unlike some people in the room, he has integrity. The answer is no. Mark then admits he’s a little scared of Ted, but then sees Big Show. He says that he would love to let Ted co-Guest Host, but there’s no chance he’s going to let him do that, because Ted’s a spoiled little daddy’s boy. Mark says that he was a wrestler in high school, and they called him Main Event Mark. Show clears his throat, and they shut up. Show says that they can do a match tonight: Show and Mark vs Ted and Virgil. Ted says done, and he and Virgil leave. Mark admits to Show that he was really an ice skater. He does a move where he jumps into Show’s arms, and the Bellas see it. Show says next time, Mark catches him, because it’s much more impressive.

Up next, John Cena will talk about last week’s attack!

Rewind to last week’s first Viewer’s Choice Match, the Body Slam Contest between Show and Jericho.

Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne

Chris an Evan start viciously. Chris kicks Evan, then rams him into the turnbuckle. Chris Irish Whips Evan, who counters with a hurricanrana. Drop toe hold, dropkick to the face, and then Bourne goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out at one. Jericho clotheslines Bourne, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two. Chri then drops Bourne, stomps on his back, gets him in a headlock. Bourne gets up and kicks back, but Jericho smacks him and runs him into the turnbuckle. He throws Bourne over, but Bourne lands on the apron, kicking Jericho. He goes for a sunset flip, but Chris counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho, only for Bourne to kick him away. Bourne goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho hits the Codebreaker, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two. Jericho starts attacking Bourne, and the ref tells him to stop. Jericho shoves the ref away and keeps going against Bourne. Jericho threatens the ref the next time he comes over and keeps kicking Bourne. The ref calls for the bell.

Evan Bounre wins via Disqualification

Jericho picks Bourne up and smacks him. Bourne kicks him and hits the Shooting Star Press.

Next up, Cena will respond to the NXT attack.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE DOOOR!!!!!

Cena comes out and makes his way to the ring as we flash back to earlier tonight when Barrett was fired.

Cena says that he had the night off, and he thanks Bret for having his best interests at heart. Thanks to Bret for not caving into the demands of the Rookies, because they’re demands that shouldn’t even be put up for negotiation. A portion of him respects them for doing it, and they needed a target. He says he’s the biggest target (and I blame the orange shirt for this), and he’s used to it. He goes on to say that their plan was almost brilliant, because their genius was blinded by their ignorance. The problem was with management, and they took RAW away from the WWE Universe, which was a bad move, because they made five million new enemies. They destroyed the ring, considered sacred ground, and now every WWE Superstar wants their head on a plate. Wade was fired tonight. Bold decision, but it won’t fix the problem. If the group was lawless enough to stop a broadcast of RAW, he says that getting arrested for a misdemeanor is the least of their problem. They’ve been kicked out, but he’s still there, and he hopes their watching. He’s going to Fatal 4Way, he’ll be on RAW the night after, and he’ll be standing in the ring, demanding they finish it. They’ve been fired, and all Cena has is his word. His word is this: If they fight, he won’t press charges.

The NXT Rookies show up from the stands again. He says that they thought he was a target? They put the target off him and put it on their own heads. King gets into the ring joined by Evan Bourne, William Regal, R-Truth, and Santino. A full out brawl starts, and Mark Henry, Randy Orton, and Edge all join. Sheamus even runs in with his lead pipe. The NXT Rookies run away, but the Superstars chase them backstage and out of the arena.

Sheamus is backstage with his lead pipe and Josh Matthews walks up and asks why he helped. Sheamus says that he won’t let the NXT Rookies ruin his match at Fatal 4Way, and if anyone’s going to take out Cena, it’s going to be him.

Rewind to last week’s Battle Royal.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs Maryse and Alicia Fox

It’s been announced that the Diva’s Championship is on the line in a Fatal 4Way as well on Sunday. Diva’s Champion Eve Torres will defend against Gail Kim, Maryse, and Alicia Fox.

Maryse shoves Eve before the match has even started, and the two start attacking as soon as the bell rings. Eve kicks Maryse in the stomach and throws her down. Eve bounces back, but Alicia grabs her hair. Eve tries to pay her back, but turns around to get hit by Maryse with a spinning back kick. Alicia gets tagged in and they hit a double team, before Alicia covers Eve, but Eve kicks out. Alicia hits a superplex and then goes for the cover, but Eve kicks out again. Alicia puts Eve in a headlock, Eve fights out, and Alicia throws her onto the mat. She drags her by her hair to the corner and tags in Maryse. I missed some part or another here, but Alicia’s back in, she kicks Gail away, and then Eve is thrown into the corner. Alicia goes for a kick, but misses and ends up kicking Maryse. Eve hits a neckbreaker on Alicia and wins.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Gail Kim win!

Turns out John Cena has decided to compete tonight after all, and the main event is now the one we missed the other week: John Cena and Randy Orton vs Edge and Sheamus. But, next up, Mark and Big Show will take on Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

The Big Show & Guest Host Mark Feurstein vs Ted DiBiase & Virgil

Ted and Show start out this match. Ted tries to get Show in a submission, but Show powers out and shoves Ted into a corner. He then proceeds to put his ass in Ted’s face. He stands Ted up and slaps his chest once, twice. Ted is throw into the opposite corner, and manages to poke Big Show’s eyes. Ted tries to pick him up, but Show just throws him. Ted then tags in Virgil, who looks at Ted like he’s nuts. He gets off the apron to talk to Ted, but Show grabs his head and just hurls him into the ring. Virgil rolls to the other side of the ring and out, but Mark grabs him and throws him back into the ring. Show bodyslams Virgil, then steps on him. He picks him up, throws him into the turnbuckle, rips her shirt, and slaps him too. Show gets Virgil with the chokeslam. While Ted’s yelling at a motionless Virgil to get up, Show tags in Mark. Mark breakdances in the ring for a minute before he does the worm over to Virgil. He winds up, and then drops… next to Virgil in an attempted elbow drop. Anyway, he covers Virgil for the win.

Big Show and Mark Feuerstien win!

Ted looks both humiliated and pissed. He starts to just walk right by Virgil, but then he stops and pulls $100 out of his boot, walking over and sticking it in Virgil’s mouth. He then walks away, but goes back, grabs the money, wipes it on Virgil and puts it in his trunks, reminding me of a hooker, before he walks out.

Showstopper by Toby Mac is the official F4W theme!

William Regal vs Santino Marella with Vladimir Kozlov as the Special Guest Referee

Kozlov starts the match and Santino, reminiscent of the other week, attempts a few kicks on Regal before Regal nails him with a shoulder block, stomping on his arm. Santino’s flipped, and Regal’s back on his arm. Regal’s focusing on Santino’s arm, but Santino manages to get Regal down with a handful of tights, and Kozlov gives him the three count. Regal argues, but Kozlov rolls out of the ring.

Santino Marella wins.

Bret comes out and says that he wants every Superstar out on the stage to prevent history from repeating itself. Up next, the main event!

<COMMERCIAL>

Edge & Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton

Sheamus starts with Cena. They lock up, Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock. Cena pushes down on Sheamus’ knee with his foot to get out, and reverses it. Sheamus gets to the ropes. Cena reaches out to Sheamus’ hand like he’s going to lock up again, then goes around him for a full nelson, but Sheamus gets to the ropes again. Cena moves over and tags Orton in. Orton punches Sheamus, then puts him in a headlock. Sheamus pushes Orton into the turnbuckle and gets him down, kicking at him. Sheamus tags in Edge, but Oton hits Edge with a backbreaker. He goes down, pounding on the mat, then gets up and goes for the RKO, but Edge pushes him away and rolls out of the ring.

Cena gets the upperhand on Edge, hits a fisherman suplex and goes for the cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge gets out and goes for a clothesline only to miss. Cena hits a clothesline, however, and goes for a cover. Edge grabs the ropes. Cena punches Edge a few times and then knocks Edge out of the ring. Edge gets back in, but stays on the apron, grabbing Cena’s head and jumping off the apron. Cena falls back, and then Edge drags Cena to the other corner. He gets him in an arm bar before he tags in Sheamus. Sheamus kicks Cena, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Sheamus delivers a running high knee to Cena, then shoves his head down. Sheamus distracts the ref, and Edge holds Cena in a headlock. Sheamus then tags in Edge. Edge tries to get Cena up, but Cena hits a superplex on him. Edge then tags Sheamus back in, and Sheamus hits an elbow drop. Sheamus, once again, distracts the ref, and Edge takes advantage outside the ring. Sheamus rolls out and throws Cena into the barrier. He gets him back in the ring and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.

Sheamus hits a clothesline and goes for another cover, but Cena kicks out at two again. Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock and wraps his legs around Cena’s torso. Cena stands up, holding Sheamus and reaches for Orton, but falls. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Sheamus tags in Edge and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus drops him, and Cena is set up for the Spear, but moves last minute. Orton and Sheamus are tagged in. Orton keeps dropping Sheamus to the mat, and then hits a scoop slam. Orton gets Sheamus between the ropes and drops him face-first into the mat. He drops to the ring again, and then gets up to RKO Edge. Sheamus hits Orton with an Ax Handle, and then hits what King (I think) called the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out. Sheamus gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out. Sheamus puts his knee in Orton’s gut, and goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. Sheamus drags Orton to his corner and tags in Edge. Orton fights Edge and Sheamus, and Edge hits a drop toe-hold and beats on Orton’s shoulder. Orton gets to his feet and then is Irish Whipped. He kicks Edge, who hits a clothesline. Orton tags Cena. Cena hits two shoulder blocks when the lights go down.

The NXT Rookies are destroying the backstage area. Two of them, I’m not sure which two because everyone started looking the same, get Bret in the back seat of a limo, which then proceeds to rear end a bunch of cars. They pull him out and say they want an answer by Sunday, and then they scatter.

So! What will the answer be at Fatal 4Way? Will the Rookies ever go away? STAY TUNED!!

RAW 6/7/10

June 8, 2010 12:42 am 7 Comments

Alright, this is my first time posting this myself, so forgive me if it comes out looking a little weird or anything!!

So, I had to start about a half hour late, due to class and trying to eat. However, my friend, @Niki_Sushi covered me on what happened, though I didn’t miss that much.

Apparently, Smackdown General Manager, Theodore Long and RAW General Manager, Bret Hart, have asked the Miami audience to vote on what match should happen later on. I don’t know what the choices were, but the result is Edge vs Randy Orton in match, where Edge will have one hand tied behind his back.

Next, the fans vote between a bodyslam match, a submission match, or an Over the Top Rope match for Big Show and Chris Jericho. They chose a BodySlam match.

Big Show vs Chris Jericho in BodySlam Match

Show hit him in a submission, and then threw him over the top rope anyway.

Big Show wins.

Who will face the Hart Dynasty? The Usos, The DudeBusters, or Hornswoggle and The Great Khali? Vote now!

@TKeep123 For tonight’s #RAW I’m actually going to try and believe that internet voting really counts! :} #WWE #BWF

We come back to RAW to see the Hart Dynasty in the ring. Matt Striker tells us that The Great Khali and Hornswoggle will be facing the Hart Dynasty.

Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty vs The Great Khali and Hornswoggle

Not sure what happened, but it was a quick match.

Hart Dynasty wins.

The Usos attack, but Hart Dynasty finally managed to gain the upper hand and kick the Usos out of the ring. As Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are talking, Jerry starts looking around, and then says that they have a problem, and then walks off.

SMACKDOWN REPLAY: Kane found Taker in a vegitative state over Memorial Day weekened. I have no idea what happened here, because I wasn’t here. Either way, just sounds like what was on Smackdown. Up next, the cast of The A-Team arrives!!

@Bruce412 Is King going to go get JR to save this damn show? #WWE #BWF

Justin Roberts introduces the cast of The A-Team, but only Bradley Cooper comes out. He says that he’s not sure where the others are, but The A-Team opens in theaters nationwide on Friday, and he says that he’s excited to host RAW tonight. The screen moves, and we see Jerry Lawler walking around backstage. People stop him, but he claims he’s looking for someone. The other two cast members from The A-Team show up and King says that someone stole his crown. Rampage says that he thinks he knows who has it, and they leave. However, the Bella Whores I MEAN TWINS start talking and talking, and I don’t know what they said, becuse I don’t like them!!

Next up, Santino comes up, and we’re told that the choices for this match are either an actual match, an arm-wrestling competition, or a dance-off. Three guesses what this one’s gonna be…

Vladimir Kozlov comes out and gets in the ring, and then Matt Striker tells us that the fans voted on a dance-off. Surprise. Surprise.

Santino Marella vs Vladimir Kozlov in a Dace-Off

Santino starts first and it’s surprisingly not that bad. I mean, it’s not that great, but it’s not that bad. He does the running man, I believe, turned his Cobra move into a dance move, a Chippendale type thing, and then ended it with his Cobra again. Now, it’s Vlaidimir’s turn. The Moscow Mauler shows that he actually does have some kind of rthym, and manages to win. Oh, and Cole, it’s not vintage if he’s never done it before. Shut up.

Vladimir Kozlov wins dance-off

He does some weird ass belly roll thing and then dances with Santino, and leaves the ring. Whatever. Next up, you vote on the Diva’s action!! Either a six-on-six Diva Tag Match, a Diva Battle Royal, or a Champion vs Champion match!!

All the Divas come out to the ring to Eve’s music, and Jerry’s in the ring. He says that you all voted, and the Diva’s match will be a Diva’s Battle Royal!

Divas Battle Royal

I hate trying to cover Battle Royals, because my ADD kicks in. Anyway, here’s the order of eliminations: Rosa Mendes, Tiffany, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Gail Kim, Nikki or Brie Bella, Brie or Nikki Bella, Layla, Michelle McCool, Eve Torres and Jillian Hall.

Winner: Maryse

Later on tonight, Edge takes on Randy Orton, with one arm tied behind his back.

Sheamus makes his way to the ring (I assume), and is stopped by Kane, who says that just because Sheamus is on RAW and not on Smackdown doesn’t mean that he’s off the hook. Sheamus took out Triple H to make a name for himself, and Kane says that Sheamus would do the same to The Undertaker. Sheamus says that he wouldn’t be shy about it, and he’d do it out in the open. Sheamus goes on to say that he doesn’t take kindly to false accusations, and Kane says he doesn’t take kindly to liars.

Next up, yu choose who Sheamus should face: Kane, Mark Henry, or Evan Bourne.

@steveaustinweb Natalya couldn’t be in this one!? #RAW

@alisha225 SHEAMUS A. GETS A TAN B. GETS COLORED IN C. DISAPPEARS

@ThingsColeSays If Kane set Sheamus’ hair on fire, would anybody even notice?

We come back to Sheamus in the ring, and a flashback to last week. You know, where Evan Bourne teamed up with John Cena to actually be in a main event? That they won? AGAINST SHEAMUS AND EDGE?! That one. Matt Striker then says who the opponent is, and OMG MARK HENRY GOT RID OF THE KOOL-AID MAN GEAR!

Sheamus vs Kane

Holy condiment man, Batman!! Sheamus looked freaked out, which made me happy, because it was just like the old days! You know, when Kane didn’t lose every other match to guys like Dolph Ziggler. Anyway, the match begins, and Kane immediatly gets the upper hand and hurls Sheamus over the top rope. He follows Sheamus out of the ring, beating on his arm for a bit before thowing him back in the ring. Kane goes up to the top turnbuckle, but Sheamus knocks his leg out from under him, and hits him with some forearms. Sheamus then hits a running powerslam, though it looked more like a waddling powerslam to me, and goes for a cover. Kane kicks out at two, and Sheamus dominates going into the commercial.

We come back to see Sheamus going for a cover, but Kane kicks out a two. So, Sheamus tries his luck at a submission, but Kane powers out and pushes Sheamus into the ropes, dropping a big boot on Sheamus’ head. The two exchange slaps for a minute before Kane gains the upper hand, Irish Whipping Sheamus, then clotheslining him. He hits a sidewalk slam, then his usual dropkick to the mouth, and goes for a cover. Sheamus kicks out at two. Kane goes to the top rope and hits a clothesline on Sheamus. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Sheamus kicks Kane in the gut. Sheamus misses with an Axe Handle, and Kane goes for a chokeslam. Sheamus gets out and counters with a backbreaker on Kane. Sheamus then goes for his big boot, but Kane goes for a chokeslam, and simply shoves Sheamus out of the ring. Sheamus gets back in and goes for another boot to the face, but Kane counters with the chokeslam. Sheamus rolls out of the ring, and doesn’t get back in.

Kane wins via Count Out.

Later on, WWE Champion John Cena will fight World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk

@Niki_Sushi gotta admit it. I love the photo-shopped sling on Randy.

Congratulations to Wade Barrett for winning NXT! The NXT ring announcer, Savannah, greets and congratulates Wade for his win. She asks what it’s like to win, and he tells her that asking him that is like asking a genius how it feels to pass a school exam. He says not to ask him that until after he makes history later.

Ted and Virgil are talking about Viewer’s Choice, and Ted says he should be running the show. Rampage and Murdoch (I know I’m mixing names here, but I don’t care) show up and say that they know that Ted has Jerry’s crown. Ted says he could buy whatever he wants, and the last thing he wants is Jerry’s crown. Murdoch says that he’s going to bring out the lie detector, and Ted says they don’t work. Rampage gets nose-to-nose with Virgil and says that it’s not that kind of lie detector. IRS shows up, wearing Jerry’s crown, and says that since Jerry never paid backtaxes on the jewels, it’s his. Ted then says that he knows who they are and that the crown was only bait. Smoke fills the room, and Murdoch passes out as Ted, Virgil, and IRS grab Rampage.

Next up, R-Truth and The Miz have a tag team match!! You vote on their tag team partners. For Truth, you can choose Christian, MVP, or John Morrison. For Miz, you can choose Dolph Ziggler, William Regal, or Zack Ryder.

R-Truth comes out and says that the WWE Universe had the power tonight to pick his tag-team pertner, and he wants to know who it is. So, the poll comes up and it was John Morrison!! Next, The Miz comes out, saying that the WWE Universe obviously doesn’t know what they’re doing. They chose John Morrison, after they chose Khali and Hornswoggle to face the Hart Dynasty, and then chose Vladimir to do a dance-off, so Miz doesn’t care who his partner is. All that matters is that Miz wins tonight so that he can go about getting his United States Championship back.

United States Champion R-Truth and John Morrison vs The Miz and Zack Ryder

Miz and R-Truth start it out, and Miz gets the upperhand. Truth manages to avoid Miz, and hip tosses Miz. He then tags in Morrison. They Irish Whipped him at the same time, and hip tossed him together. Morrison grabs Miz and tags Truth back in, the two double slam, and then Truth goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz kicks Truth in the face and tags in Zack Ryder. Ryder hits Truth with a neck breaker, and then goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at one. Ryder moves and tags Miz back in, and Miz kicks Truth in the gut. He punches Truth in the face, kicks him in the head, and then bounces off the rope to kick Truth in the face. He then covers Truth, only for Truth to kick out at two. Miz gets Truth in a headlock, and Truth tosses Miz behind him, and they’re both down. Truth goes to tag Morrison, and Miz grabs his ankle, only ending up in pulling off his shoe as Morrison is tagged in. Morrison hits Miz with a clothesline, then an Irish Whip into a flying chuck. Morrison then knocks Ryder off the apron, and hits Miz with a knee to the face. Morrison goes to cover Miz, but Ryder breaks it up. Truth comes in, smacking Ryder around, until Miz grabs Truth. Truth then slaps Miz, Ryder shoves Truth out of the ring, and Morrison kicks Ryder out. He then turns his attention to Miz, who moves so that Morrison’s shoulder meets the ring post. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale, goes for the cover and wins with a three count.

The Miz and Zack Ryder win.

Edge and Bret are talking backstage, and Edge says that it’s not fair. Bret says that, fair or not, it’s going to happen. Edge walks off, and Bret starts to walk away, only for Kane to come out and call Bret out. Kane says that if he finds out it was Bret, then he will be in a vegetative state, just like the Undertaker is.

@jenrae73 My 50yr old alcoholic Aunt has the same shirt R-Truth is wearing 2nite. #Raw #WWE #BWF

Edge vs Randy Orton with Edge’s hand tied behind his back

Edge comes out, and there is a flashback to last week, when Randy RKO’d Edge in the ring, and Edge retaliated by slamming the door shut on Randy’s shoulder. Randy comes out afterward in a sling. The ref ties Edge’s arm behind his back, and then the match begins. Edge goes for a clothesline, but Randy ducks it. Edge goes for a kick, but Randy ducks and retaliates with a clothesline of his own, and proceeds to stop on Edge. Randy went for a left-handed RKO, but missed, and Edge knocked him down. Edge manages to get his arm free and goes at Randy’s shoulder before the ref pulls him away. Edge breaks away from the ref and does it again, before the ref calls for the bell.

Randy wins via DQ

Edge moves to the opposite corner and prepares for the spear. He goes for it, but Randy kicks at Edge and then kicks him right out of the ring. He then follows Edge, but Edge had a chair and hits Randy’s shoulder with it. When Randy goes down, Edge hits him again with it. As Edge walks backstage, Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole tries to figure out if Edge knocked Randy’s shoulder out of socket.

We come back to Evan and John talking to each other about last week. Savannah comes up after Evan walks away and asks Cena how he feels about not knowing his opponent tonight. He says that he feels better about this match that he does about Fatal 4Way, since he has to face three different men. At least in this match, it’s just one. Besides, he feels that the decision is left up to the most able-bodied decision makers on the show: The WWE Universe.

The camera goes to the locker room where Murdoch was, and Mean Gene is talking to him, saying that he has a chance to surpass the previous A-Team, and he hopes that Murdoch will do a better job of it then Josh Matthews did of replacing him. Murdoch seems to get an idea and takes off.

Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring, and Teddy Long comes on, saying that the choices for Drew’s opponent are Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, or a Mystery Man!!

<COMMERCIAL>

Drew McIntyre vs Mystery Man… Matt Hardy!

Obviously not surprising, the Mystery Man is Matt Hardy. When Matt comes out, Drew grabs a mic and says that this match isn’t happening because Matt is suspended. Teddy comes out and says that, unfortunately for Drew, Matt’s only suspended from Smackdown, not from RAW, so the match is taking place. Drew starts to say something, but before he can say anything else, Matt smacks him and then tackles Drew. Matt hits a clothesline and throws Drew out of the ring, bouncing his head off the announce table, and then throwing him right into Michael Cole. Matt then hurls him into the barricade, a ring post, then headbutts him before getting Drew back in the ring. Drew manages to retaliate with a kick, but they’re both down. Drew runs at Matt, and Matt moves, sending Drew right into the pole. Matt hits the Twist of Fate for the win.

Matt Hardy wins

Matt continues to assault Drew after the match, throwing the ref away when he tries to stop Matt. Matt ends up yanking out a pretty nice sized chunk of Drew’s hair.

The camera shows Rampage chained to a chair and he asks Ted what he wants with him. Ted says that it’s not important right now. Right now, they’re going to the ring.

Ted, Virgil, and IRS handcuff Rampage to the ring ropes, and hold him back. Ted says that he’s doing this because everyone has a price, even him. Someone said they wanted Ramapge delivered to them on a silver patter, and Ted said to name their price. So, it was paid, and now Rampage was all theirs. The person that comes out to claim Rampage would be none other than Rowdy Roddy Piper. Piper says that at Wrestlemania I, he shut everyone up who kept saying that The A-Team was te hottest show on television, and he silenced the old Mr. T. Now, he says he has to silence another “Mr. T”, and he’s not going to see The A-Team. Piper pities the fool who mess with Hot Rod.

However, Dusty Rhodes, Mean Gene, and Murdoch make their way to the ring. Rampage shoves IRS and Virgil away, and pulls his hand free from the handcuff. IRS goes for a clothesline on Rhodes, and Rhodes dodges, elbowing him in the head instead. Virgil and Piper just stand there, looking at Rampage and Rhodes. Rampage slams Virgil, and Piper leaves the ring. Gene asks how they did it, and Murdoch says he remembered where he was and that he needed to call Dusty for help.

Voting is open, so you can now choose whether WWE Champion John Cena faces World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk.

Next week’s guest host is USA Network’s Original Series Royal Pains Star, Mark Feuerstien, and I’m pretty sure I heard that Big Show is going to be hosting with him! Josh Matthews shows up with Rey Mysterio, Jack Swagger, and the Straight Edge Society, and asks them all why they should be competing against Cena tonight. Rey says that in order to get to the top, you have to go after whoever is on top. Swagger bascially just says that it’ll be Champion vs Champion, and Punk says that he can make Cena a better person.

Brrrrrr LEATHER SHOES!!!

Cena makes his way out to the ring, and Matt Striker lets us know who the pick was for Cena’s opponent tonight.

WWE Champion John Cena vs CM Punk with Straight Edge Society

As soon as the bell rings, Cena goes for the mask, and Punk rolls right out of the ring. It looks to me like CM Punk met up with the Bellas backstage and totally jacked their ring gear. Anyway, Punk gets the upperhand when he gets back in and puts Cena in a headlock. Cena counters with a shoulder block and flips Punk, putting him in a headlock. Punk reverses, then Cena counters, and goes for the mask again. Punk rolls out. When he gets back in, he goes for a lockup, but knees Cena in the gut, followed by his shoulder. He flips Cena, drops a dropkick to the back of Cena’s head, and goes for a cover. Cena kicks out at two. Punk gets Cena in a submission hold, but Cena powers out and goes for the STF, but Punk grabs the ropes. Punk misses a clothesline, and Cena Irish Whips him across the ring, hitting a bulldog. He goes for another move, but Luke Gallows grabs his ankles, sending him to the mat, rolling around.

@TKeep123 CM Punk is looking like an Amish Luchador! #WWE #RAW #BWF

We return to Punk holding Cena in a headlock. Cena counters to a fireman’s carry, but Punk counters it. Punk goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena ends up outside the ring, and Serena kicks Cena. Cena is then kicked by Punk and put back in the ring. Cena starts to fight back, then goes to Irish Whip Punk, just for Punk to reverse it. Cena ducks a clothesline, then hits Punk with two shoulder tackles, and a takedown. Cena pauses as he sees Wade Barrett begin making his way down the ramp. Cena ignores him for a minute, and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and lifts Punk up to a fireman’s carry. But, he drops Punk and tells Barrett to make his move.

Okay, here is about where I got too confused to keep up with the show, unfortunately.

The Season One NXT Rookies appeared from frigging nowhere and started to tear everything apart. They took apart the ring, the barricades, announce table, beat the hell out of Cena, stripped Justin Roberts, choked him with his own tie, beat the hell out of Jerry Lawler… I don’t know what happened, to be honest. I think they were spending too much time alone with Sheamus in a room with nothing but black lights and all that fluorescent finally got to their heads…

Anyway, I don’t know what that was all about, and hopefully the WWE will explain it next week! And with that, I’ll see you next week!

WWE RAW for 5/24/10

May 25, 2010 10:24 pm 5 Comments

Hey guys, I decided to take the night off, and in my absence, twitter user @Punk_Kanellis was kind enough to send us her thoughts on the show. Here they are, enjoy!

Last night on WWE Monday night RAW, comedian Jon Lovitz hosted. You know the night is gonna be corny when a comedian hosts, well anyways, The first match was a Triple Threat Qualifying match. Whoever won would be in the Fatal-Four-Way match next month. The match of course had all the top RAW superstars in it; figures. It went by slow and steady, gaining tension towards the end. Edge won that by spearing Jericho, and then the 3-count. I don’t know about you fans, but I LOVE the Hart Dynasty. They are so powerful, and Natalya plays a great role in it as well. Well, they took on William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov, nothing much to say about this match. The Hart Dynasty won– but wait! Here comes the exciting part! They got attacked by a mystery trio of 2 men and 1 women, we’ll have to wait till next week to see who it was! Jon Lovitz then hosted a “WWE Superstar Search”.. lame to me. Khali and his little “translator” put on a disgusting version of an old song, and then Of course, before Jillian started singing (does that women EVER wrestle?), Lovitz cut her off and pulled someone out of the crowd to do some weird thing with their eyes. Honestly, what happened to World WRESTLING Entertainment? All these acts disgust me, it’s supposed to be wrestling people! Not a reality show! Next up, R-Truth vs. The Miz; this match was actually pretty good. Pretty high impact, back-and-forth action between the two superstars. But, R-Truth came out with the win and told Toledo, Ohio What’s up! Congratulations R-Truth for becoming the New US Champion! Next up, my favorite time of the night, women’s wrestling! These ladies are so talented, I respect them so much. It was Alicia Fox and Maryse vs. the STILL reigning diva’s champion, Eve and Gail Kim. This match was what WWE calls a divas match now-a-days. Maryse wasn’t in the mood to begin with since she failed to re-capture the title from Eve last night, what did make her a little happier is that she rolled up Eve for the win. Short but long segment of new RAW GM Bret Hart assigning the Fatal-Four-Way for next month, the competitors would be John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. whoever won this next match, Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Mark Henry, as always, dominated over Sheamus, but GO FIGURES… Sheamus ended up winning. How do you roll up a man that heavy? I don’t know. Sheamus is also qualified. Bret Hart than got assigned as new RAW GM! Whoo! No more celebs!

WWE Superstars

May 13, 2010 11:27 pm 1 Comment

SUPERSTAR!

It looks like we will get a look at what happened on NXT according to my DVR description.

But first…

Match 1: Maryse and Jillian Hall vs The Bella Twins

Meh…standard Diva’s match. While the Bella’s and Maryse are hot, I HATE Diva wrestling. Maryse hits the French Kiss for the win. After the match, Maryse and Jillian harrass the Bella’s a little bit more until Eve Torres comes to the rescue.

Match 2: Vladimir Kozlov vs Random Jobber A

If I have to tell you who wins, then there is something wrong with you.

NXT Lookback

In case you missed it, Michael Tarver and Daniel Bryan (who is now known by his real name of Brian Danielson) were eliminated due to their comments last week and Skip Sheffield was eliminated by the pros.

Match 3: Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins vs Random Jobbers B and C

While we haven’t seen Vance Archer in a few months on WWE TV, Curt Hawkins hasn’t been for alot longer than that. Hawkins and Archer get the win here. I guess this is a last ditch effort for these two guys. Very random tag team. After the match, Archer tells everybody to pay attention. Hawkins says it couldn’t have been that easy to forget about him. He says they have been given contract for 30 days to make an impact. Whatever…

Main Event: Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Masters

At least this match sort of makes sense. These are two guys looking to get in the Intercontinental Title picture. Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. This was a pretty good match…too bad nobody cares about them.

That’s it for tonight. See ya next week.

Tag Archive: Vladimir Kozlov

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