As the wind whips around outside my house I figure I should take the time and give you the results of this weeks edition of Main Event featuring a 11 man Battle Royal to become #1 contender for the Intercontinental Championship. (more…)
So just a basic recap today, rough morning.
Let’s start with…
MATCH RESULTS
ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF. BIG SHOW (HANDICAP MATCH) – A pointless rematch from Friday. Brogue Kick + RKO = Three count.
Rytman Remark: You know, neither Orton or Sheamus are THAT much smaller than the big show. The two of them beating him, is like either of them losing to two normal sized guys.
KOFI KINGSTON DEF. ANTONIO CESARO (NEW U.S. CHAMPION) – Match wastes no time in going into a spot-fest. Kingston rolls out of a sun-set flip, rolls Cesaro backwards into a standing position and hits “Trouble In Paradise” for the three-count and the title.
Rytman Remark: Remember when WWE first ventured out into video games? And how they followed the normal 2-D, side-scrolling fighter format? (I’m thinking Street Fighter, Mortal Combat.) This match was like that, entertaining, but no real story.
WWE TAG CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS – The PTP’s are almost completely jobbed out here. Choke-slam/flying head-butt combo wins this for the champs.
Rytman Remark: The commentator spent this match making jokes about goats in reference to Bryan’s beard, because there was nothing else really to talk about.
R-TRUTH DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT (NON-TITLE) R-Truth wins it by grabbing Barrett by the head and dropping him face-first to the mat. (The Little Jimmy?) After the match, Truth looks just as surprised as the rest of us.
Rytman Remark: There MIGHT be a point to this loss. WWE has a Battle Royal set up for Main Event this Wednesday, to name a #1 contender to Barrett’s belt. If R-Truth wins, it’ll cement the seed planted here.
RHODES SCHOLLARS (Sandow/Cody) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA/GREAT KAHLI (w/Natalya & Hornswoggle)– Santino gets the Cobra on Sandow and chases off Cody. Horny-dawg (yes, I am going to call him that if I want to,) tries to “cobra” Cody. Cody gets rough with him. Khalil comes to the rescue, and Santino gets pinned because he’s not watching Sandow. School-boy, for the three.
Rytman Remark: ( face-palm..)
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JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter) DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/AJ Lee & Big E.) – A hard fought match with Ziggler picking up some fan support, but Swagger getting the three-count out of nowhere by dropping Ziggler throat-first into the top rope.
NIKKI BELLA (W/BRE) DEF. WWE DIVA’S CHAMPION KAITLYN – Nikki’s game-plan is to keep taking Kaitlyn’s legs out from under her. Kaitlyn hits the stomach-breaker, but Bree switches w/sis to steal a three count.
Rytman Remark: In order…
Okay, now we look at…
STORYLINES/ANGLES
1.) BROCK/TRIPLE H: LET’S JUST GET IT OVER WITH – 3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal,) came out first, calling out the Shield, demanding an apology for the beating on Smackdown. Instead, they got another beating, from BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK LESNARRRRRRRR! It ends w/Slater takes two F-5’s to the barricade.
Crowd: One more time! One more time! One more time!
Paul Heyman gets control of Lesnar, gets him in the ring, and gets the mike. He gives Triple H credit for knocking out Lesnar, calling him a “Warrior, worthy of admiration.” Heyman says the score is “one and one,” and it’s “time to get extreme.” He challenges Trips to meet Lesnar in a steel cage match at Extreme Rules and has “two words,” for Trips…
“Challenge, Issued.” – Paul Heyman
2.) ZIGGLER/DEL RIO: WHY WASTE TIME BUILDING THE CHAMP? – Dolph Ziggler comes out with the “Dolph-tourage,” (Copyright: Robert Rytman,) to brag about his title win. Alberto Del Rio comes out with a still hurt Roberto Rodriguez and his left leg taped up. He gets in the ring and demands his rematch now! Before the match begins, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter come out, claiming Swagger deserves the credit for Dolph’s win and deserves the shot more than Del Rio. Swagger gets on the apron and ADR gets in a shot to Swagger’s face. Big E. gets between Del Rio and Ziggler, but Swagger grabs ADR’s leg and works it over in the corner, wrapping it around the ring post and pounding away on it.
Later in the show, we’re in Vicki Guerro’s office. She and her assistant, Brad Maddox are discussing things, when Teddy Long comes in. Apparently he’s taken it on himself to book Ziggler vs. Swagger and he’s given Swagger some “extra incentive,” to compete. Vicki likes the idea. Maddox tells Teddy to go tell someone. Teddy says it’s not his job. Vicki tells Brad to do it.
After Swagger’s win, (see above,) Del Rio attacks Swagger and goes after the arm. Officials break it up and Del Rio stands tall.
Rytman Remark: Okay, I’m thinking this angle is the one getting rushed. Having Del Rio demand a rematch while he’s still hurt makes him look more like a fool then a fighter. Why not do a Ziggler/Swagger program and save Del Rio for next month?
3.) FAHHHN-DAHHHN-GOING-GOING-GONE! – FANDANGO comes out to be interviewed by Lawler. When Fandango asks Lawler about moving his hips, Lawler decides to move his hips back to the announcers table. Fandango tries to get the crowd “Fandangoing,” with mixed results. A few minutes of this and Fandango tells the crowd to go “Fandango” themselves.
Rytman Remark: PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS THE END OF “FANDANGOING!”
4.) SHEAMUS/HENRY: IRISH CREAMED! (NOT THAT WAY YOU SICKOS!) – Matt Striker is backstage interviewing Sheamus when Henry bull-rushes him down for the second time since last Friday.
Later in the show, we get an announcement for Smack-Down this Friday. Team White-snake (Sheamus/Orton) vs. Big Show and Mark Henry.
Rytman Remark: And we couldn’t do this match tonight because?…
5.) C.M. PUNK: PUNK OUT? – C.M. Punk came out with Heyman. Punk talks about how he could never enjoy what he has at the time, because he’s always looking “around the corner” for the next hurdle, how after holding the title for more than 400 days, he went right after the Undertaker’s streak. In the middle of the promo, the crowd starts a dueling chant for him and the Taker. Punk goes flat. His eyes, his posture, it becomes that of a man crushed. Punk hugs Paul, gives him the mike, and limps off, bypassing the stage and going right for the exit.
Rytman Remark: I am aware that Punk is taking the time off to heal up. However, I’m giving him credit for his performance. He came off like he really did “lose his smile,” and if you wanted to start retirement rumors (or an angle,) you could easily use this promo. I’m predicting a HUGE comeback for Punk – maybe even a face turn – when WWE realizes how much they miss him.
6.) BOOKER T/TEDDY LONG: CLASH OF THE TITANS (KINDA) – Backstage, Booker T is NOT happy with Teddy Long going over his head. He makes the match at Extreme Rules a three-way for the title and tells Teddy to “handle his business.”
Rytman Remark: I’m glad Teddy’s getting to assert himself, as opposed to being a constantly put-upon errand boy, but do we need ANOTHER POWER STRUGGLE ANGLE!? GOOD GRIEF!
Side Note: I heard Michael Cole on one of the shows, talking about Booker T letting the HOF honor go to his head, and how that may be contributing to his problems with Teddy. Guys, Booker is NOT the one coming off as a heel in this.
7.) CENA/RYBACK: CONTINUITY! (BOOM) PART 2– All night we’re teased with Ryback speaking out tonight about his actions. Striker has Cena backstage, where he comes out to almost NO reaction. Cena says he’ll be in the ring with a yellow shirt and his WWE title and he will confront Ryback tonight.
Ryback has his say in a pre-taped promo. Ryback starts by comparing his spot with Cena’s after Mania. Cena was on top, Ryback was on the bottom. Only one place each for them to go. Ryback goes over his past few months in WWE. He credits Cena as a friend and mentor, even mentioning last October when Cena nominated him for a shot at the WWE title. Ryback then goes over his feud with the Shield and Mark Henry, pointing out how Cena never came to help him out when he was jumped by the Shield, but he almost always had Cena’s back when he was jumped.
“I am not an afterthought. I am not a sidekick. … If you were Superman, say hello to Kryptonite!” – Ryback
He says being Cena’s “friend” meant staying in his shadow, and he’s not staying there anymore.
Our “main event” for the evening is Cena calling out Ryback.
“This week, I say you make a move, and see if you have what it takes to EARN a championship!” – John Cena
Ryback backs down and walks away.
SIERRA,HOTEL/INDIA/ECHO/LIMA/DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD!
The Shield come down to the ring and surround Cena. They hold back, waiting to see what Ryback will do.
Ryback walks off, and RAW ends with a Shield beat-down on Cena.
Side Note: We caught a second of the Shield in the “Gorilla” position by accident, which kinda gave it away.
So, you know someone lost a job.
Rytman Remark: Best Ryback Promo Ever. The guy knocked it out of the park, in regards to setting himself up as bitter/jealous. I commend whoever it was, that figured out how to string Ryback’s past booking together into a cohesive narrative. If you entertain the notion that this was the game plan all along, it explains why WWE booked him as a choke-artist. It gives him motive to turn bitter and blame Cena.
Here’s the problem…
If you want to call out Cena for not doing a run-in, you’re going to have to call out the ENTIRE WWE for not running in and helping out their “friends.” In the past year, building to Mania, the only person I’ve seen run-in to save someone from a beating was R-Truth helping out Kofi Kingston when he came back. I’m aware that Orton/Sheamus/and Big Show did run-ins w/each other during their feud w/the Shield, but that was under the premise of a common enemy, not “friendship.”
Rytman’s Review: Okay, not an earth-shattering RAW by any means, but an effective place-holder-episode. “Auto-pilot” isn’t always a bad idea, if it keeps things moving. This RAW did it’s job, setting up the next PPV. And speaking for myself, I appreciate keeping the drama brief.
June 24, 1991. The World Wrestling Federation had a house show in Niagara Falls, NY. The card was nothing really to write home about. Bret Hart beat IRS, Ricky Steamboat defeated Haku, Mr. Perfect retained his Intercontinental Championship over The British Bulldog, The Bushwhackers beat the Orient Express, Greg Valentine beat The Barbarian, Big Boss Man and The Rockers defeated The Mountie and The Nasty Boys, and in the main event, Jim Duggan (replacing Hulk Hogan during the steroid scandal) defeated Sgt. Slaughter in a boot camp match. The only thing extraordinary about the show was that in the front row, a nine year old kid was attending his first live professional wrestling card. That kid was me.
Over the course of the next 22 years, I’ve been to countless wrestling shows, mostly WWE. Countless RAWs and SmackDowns, a few house shows, a Night of Champions PPV, four WrestleManias and more, the training is also important and the use of supplements as sr9009 also help boost the performance on these wrestlers. But nothing in the entirety of my wrestling attendance history can compare with this past Monday night at the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, NJ.
Coming off of WrestleMania, and finding out that the advertised Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was not appearing, the crowd was rowdy to start, booing new WWE Champion John Cena and cheering the appearance of Mark Henry. The “Sexual Chocolate” chants directed at Henry did not go unnoticed. A rematch for the Intercontinental Championship between The Miz and Wade Barrett had the crowd equally amped up, as chants of “Let’s Go Barrett” filled the arena. As then-World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio took on Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter, a very audible “we want Ziggler” chant erupted, and when Dolph Ziggler cashed in his Money In The Bank contract to defeat Del Rio and become the new World Heavyweight Champion, the place came unglued.
A match between Sheamus and Randy Orton was virtually ignored by the IZOD Center contingent of the WWE Universe, as they were too busy chanting for the Ice Cream Man, Cotton Candy, Randy Savage, X-Pac (who was in a luxury box behind the section next to mine), Steve Austin, JBL, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, referee Mike Chioda, ring announcer Justin Roberts, as well as others. When Big Show came out to interrupt the match, a “Thank You Big Show” chant erupted. We then chanted for ourselves, saying “we are awesome.”
The real tipping point for the audience was the introduction of Fandango. The IZOD Center crowd embraced the ballroom dancing Superstar by humming his theme music throughout the rest of the night, including during the main event between John Cena and Mark Henry.
As the show ended, Cena acknowledged our chants, saying that his favorite one of the night was when we told ourselves we are awesome, because it’s true. The show ended with Fandango’s theme being played through the speakers and the raucous crowd still humming it deep into the night.
To all 16,000 of the rest of you in the IZOD Center last night, thank you for helping me have the most fun I’ve had in 22 years attending wrestling events.
Well I guess I’m doing this in sort of real time but since this a recap heavy show I think i can do it without any problem so here we go: (more…)
Well since this week’s episode is gonna be all about Wrestlemaina 29 I’m gonna give you all the results of Main Event here and now so we no one misses out on it. So here’s what went on. (more…)
Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)
Let’s start with Match results;
JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson. I will get to that in a minute.)
RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)
FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)
R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)
Okay, so let’s talk about the show…
“Pancake” Patterson
“Pancake” fucking Patterson
“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON
PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!
Seriously
(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry. HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK? The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry. Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.) So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry. My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place? For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity? I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.
I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight. I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling. I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents. Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference. Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet. There’s still a chance this could pay off. With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.
R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me. I could live with their “feud” ending here. Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.
Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end. It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.
Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?
And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkGdq4NOBE8
I have nothing to add, genius.
So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner. WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line. I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.
Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)
ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody. We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR. I hate to say it, but I did see this coming. I’m guessing a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon. Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face. I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough. Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face. He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward. Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.
The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho. Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card. I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that? Neither do they.)
The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar. It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract. Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out. Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.
This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.
And we are out…
RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all. This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show. Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner. We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.
No need for some long drawn out intro to this review. This Sunday is the Royal Rumble, and everything of significance is well established. This episode should serve to do little else to maintain a holding pattern and replay all the build from previous episodes of RAW. But, hey, you never know. I might be wrong. It happened once.
The Muppets episode in which Chewie is granted the powers of invisibility.
What could it mean? Why is Chewie even here? How could this be the first Smackdown of 2013? Is there a monkey behind me eating alphabet soup? What is his motive? All this and so much more! Join me, shall you, on this magic epic adventure I like to call… “The Fuck?” It’s hopping time, grab your pogo stick playah.
(more…)
MATCH RESULTS
RYBACK DEF. TITUS O’NEIL – Total domination by Ryback, until Darien Young interfered by grabbing Ryback’s ankle. O’Neil hit one inverted Power Bomb for a brief one-count. Still, the match ended the same way all Ryback matches end; power-bomb, shell-shock, three-count.
After the match, Ryback refused to leave the ring until he got his hands on WWE Heavyweight Champion C.M. Punk, Paul Heyman, or the three men who jumped him two days in a row. A line of security guards come-out, but Ryback tossed the biggest one first, and the rest scattered.
RAW Supervisor Vicki Guerro came out to order him out of the ring, Ryback told her to shut up (which won him a ton of new fans,) and demanded revenge. Vicki gave him a match against Punk at TLC. Ryback demanded that it be made a TLC match (Tables, Ladders, and Chairs.) Vicki agreed, and Ryback left the ring.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. THE GREAT KAHLI – This match was set up with a pre-recorded backstage segment, where Rosa Mendes demanded an apology from Hornswoggle, for squirting water in her face, with trick flowers last week. Hornswoggle called her conceited, and Alberto Del Rio stepped in, offering to beat him up. Kahli stepped in to scare him off. Kahli actually dominates most of the match, but a distraction by Roberto Rodriguez (Del Rio’s personal ring announcer,) sets up Kahli for an attack from behind. Del Rio hits the arm-bar for a win by submission.
TAMINA DEF. ALICIA FOX – Basically, Tamina slaps Alicia around and ends this with a splash of the top, for a three-count.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON DEF. TENSAI – Wade Barrett, Kofi’s next challenger, Wade Barrett joins the commentary team at ringside. Tensai’s size advantage gives him an edge for a good amount of time, but Kofi hits a big kick and a flying body press for the three-count.
After the match, Barrett walked into the ring, gave Kofi the title belt, and then walked off without incident.
REY MYSTERIO DEF. WWE TAG-TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN – One of the best matches on TV this year. Both men relied on their agility and quick last-second escapes and counters to keep the tide turning back and forth. Bryan focused on beat-downs and wearing down the arm, Mysterio countered with bursts of fast-paced offense. Match ends with a 619/Dropping a Dime combo by Mysterio for a pin on Bryan.
JOHN CENA DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER – This match was set up after a segment with Vicki Guerro offering Cena and AJ matching bathrobes (see below.) People, who criticize Cena for his “five moves of doom,” need to acknowledge Ziggler does the same thing (if not everybody in WWE,). That said, this was a good, solid match. One point of contention is Cena NO-SELLING the “bad knee,” until a specific spot at the end. Going for the “five knuckle shuffle,” Cena stumbles out of the ring, the ref and another WWE official check to see if he can continue, while Ziggler exposes a turnbuckle. AJ runs out to stop him and Vicki runs out to pull AJ off the ring. The ladies have a stare-down while Ziggler goes after Cena with his MiTB briefcase. Cena ducks Ziggler’s swing and hooks the “AA,” for a three-count. Cena celebrates with AJ, FORGETTING ALL ABOUT THE BAD KNEE.
SHEAMUS DEF. U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO – This was a straight up brawl between two big workhorses. Highlight of the match is Cesaro catching Sheamus and hoisting him up, and dropping him hard. Picture a combo of Lex Luger’s “torture rack” and Ryback’s “Shell-Shock.” Match ends with Sheamus escaping the “neutralizer” with a back-drop and a Brogue-kick to Cesaro. Cesaro goes out to the floor and gets counted out.
World Heavyweight Champion Big Show comes out with a chair. Sheamus grabs the mike and tells Big Show he will be happy to retire him at TLC, and just how barbaric he can be. Show responds by destroying the chair with his bare hands.
DAMIEN SANDOW DEF. ZACK RYDER – Not much more than filler. Ryder had a decent showing here, but the match ends with Sandow using his neck-breaker variant to get the three-count.
Side Note: Ring announcer Justin Roberts waited for Zack Ryder to get in the ring before announcing him, Michael Cole slipped back into “heel” mode to give him grief about it.
WWE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION C.M. PUNK DEF. KANE – Our Main Event for the evening. And yes, this did take the show over three hours, again. There is a weird spot in the match when Punk slides to the outside, and starts favoring his right knee. Kane was as close to Punk as THESEWORDSARETOEACHOTHER but did NOTHING to him. Kane let Punk slide back in and pull him neck first into the top rope. Now here’s the weird thing, the announcers (Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler,) never acknowledged ANY of this, even though Punk was right in front of the camera, limping and acting like he was hurt for real the whole time. It’s weird because this is, to my understanding, standard procedure when someone gets legit hurt during a match, gloss over it, don’t call it, and keep the show going. So, I have to wonder if Punk really was hurt. The match ended when the three NXT talents, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Reigns (now called “The Shield”) came out to distract Kane. Punk hit the GTS and got the three.
After the match, the Shield teased going for Punk, but pilled on Kane. Daniel Bryan tried to make the save, but got beat down. Ryback charged down and took over on the Shield. Punk took a cheap shot at Ryback, but Ryback caught him. Ryback went for a power-bomb, but Reigns took him down with a spear. Monday Night RAW ends with C.M. Punk holding his belt in the air; and his foot on Ryback’s chest; for the second time in a week.
ANGLES AND SEGMENTS
1.) RYBACK/VICKI – Our first interview segment would have to be Vicki Guerro trying to talk Ryback out of the ring after his match (setting up his match w/Punk at TLC.) Not a shining moment for either one of them. Huge gaps between the dialogue and you could tell they didn’t talk over each other when they were supposed to. Seriously, don’t give Ryback more lines than he needs.
2.) Backstage: Hornswoggle, Rosa, Del Rio, and KHALI – Basic segment just to set up their match, seemed pretty damn elaborate for a match that wasn’t anything special.
3.) GM’S OFFICE: VICKI, HEYMAN, PUNK – Punk came in to complain about having to face Ryback, Heyman suggested Vicki was trying to compensate for her bias against Cena and AJ, and Vicki flat out accused Punk of calling in the “Shield” to cover his ass. Vicki sets up a match between Punk and the winner of a RAW-active Twitter Poll, #WWEKane or #WWEBryan (see above.) Interesting to see Punk get the shaft from a “fellow” heel; it gives Vicki an extra character dimension, and it makes you wonder what it is EVERYBODY hates about Punk.
4.) THE SHEILD SPEAKS – We see a pre-recorded interview with Michael Cole and the three NXT talents who’ve taken it on themselves to attack Ryback twice, (Ambrose, Rollin, and Reigns.) They deny any affiliation with C.M. Punk, and claim they were acting against injustice. They accused WWE of being an elaborate popularity contest, and stated that C.M. Punk had every right to celebrate his One Year anniversary as champion, arguing they would’ve done the same thing if Ryback or Cena had been champion and Punk tried to disrupt them. They declared themselves The Shield and cut the interview short. Interesting aspect; as the Shield’s mission statement seems to have themes in common with the IWC’s constant complaints about WWE.
5.) VICKI, CENA, AJ, AND ZIGGLER – Basically, Cena comes out to address the “kiss” from last week. Vicki comes out to trash AJ and present Cena with a “gift,” of matching bathrobes and to warn Cena about the inevitable implosion. She points out AJ’s relationship drama with Punk/Bryan and Kane. AJ comes out to tell off Vicki and blatantly shoves her attraction to Cena in everyone’s face. Ziggler comes out to remind everyone that he took out Cena last week in the locker room, and Cena jumped him from behind on Smackdown. Cena tries to go after him, but Vicki orders him to stop and makes a match between Ziggler and Cena later that night. The match ends with Cena getting the win. CAN WE END THIS NOW!? I am PRAYING that this is the end of the AJ “scandal,” and I will spend the rest of my life wondering WTF this was supposed to accomplish.
On paper, this was a good RAW, with a lot more actual wrestling and a lot of solid match-ups, however the angle segments really weighted down the show.
Last night’s RAW was for me, a mixed bag. There were low-points, painful ones at that, but there were one or two points where I could see a glimmer of hope.
MATCH RESULTS
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Ryback in the ring, cuts a decent promo demanding WWE champ C.M. Punk and the three NXT talents who jumped him at Survivor Series come out to face him or he tears the place down. Vicki Guerro, RAW Supervising Manager, came out to berate Ryback for blowing two title shots and warn him not to cause trouble or he would face a fine/suspension. She sends out Tensai to see “just how big” his appetite is. Match ends just how you’d expect it. Ryback puts Tensai down with the Shell-Shock for a pin.
WADE BARRETT DEF WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON – Before the match, we see Wade Barrett cutting a backstage promo from last night’s survivor series, saying how he’s beaten Kofi for the Intercontinental title before and Kofi holding the title was a disgrace to WWE. Barrett dominates the match with a combo of holds and brawling, as well as focusing on an eye injury to Kofi. Kofi gets in a big flurry of offense but Barrett rakes his eye on the rope and ends it with the “Bull-Hammer Elbow.”
KAITLYN DEF AKSANA – Aksana actually tries actual “wrestling” for once. She starts by faking a walk-out to lure Kaitlyn into a clothesline and working over the left arm. Sloppy, but it’s an “improvement.” Kaitlyn gorilla-presses her and drops her stomach first into her knee for a three-count.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – Despite R-Truth on commentary and the Funkadactyls at ringside, Cesaro gets the pin with the “Neutralizer.”
RANDY ORTON DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO (2 FALLS OUT OF 3) – The first fall starts out as a basic “back and forth,” until Orton forces Del Rio outside. Del Rio pulls Orton, shoulder first into the ring-rope, then into the corner post. When he refuses to let up the assault on the arm, Orton gets the win by DQ. The second fall has Orton making the comeback while favoring the left arm, but Del Rio locks in the arm-bar and Orton has to tap out. Third fall has Del Rio attacking the bad arm, while Orton tries to fight back. Ricardo Rodriguez (Del Rio’s personal ring announcer,) gets ejected for grabbing Orton’s ankle, and after missing an inziguri, Orton gets the pin with an RKO out of nowhere.
GREAT KAHLI DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/ROSA MENDES – Hornswoggle comes out to squirt Rosa in the face with water from a trick bouquet of flowers while Kahli destroys Mo/Co. I put more effort into that sentence than anybody put into that match.
THE MIZ DEF DAVID OTUNGA – Very basic, by-the-numbers match; Otunga gets to look good here, dominating Miz with clotheslines and chin-locks, but Miz gets in the “Skull-Crushing-Finale,” for the inevitable three-count.
SHEAMUS DEF DAMIAN SANDOW – Sheamus comes out with chair in hand. He cuts a promo recapping his feud with World Heavyweight Champion the Big Show and makes note that he is “not smiling anymore.” Big Show comes out, and they start shouting over each other. Show calls Sheamus a “barbarian,” and Sandow makes his entrance. Match builds from a slow pace, starting out with Sandow trying to avoid Sheamus for the first few minutes. First high-spot is Sheamus tossing Sandow out by the beard. Sandow actually dominates the match from that point on, beating Sheamus down and trying to wear him out. Sandow takes too long setting up the “elbow of distain” and Sheamus hooks in a side-back-breaker. Sheamus hits a flying shoulder block, the “White Noise,” and the Brogue-kick for a three-count.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (DANIEL BRYAN AND KANE) VS SINSTERIO (SIN CARA/REY MYSTERIO: NO CONTEST – The real story here is the absolute TRAIN WRECK of the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young) doing commentary with Cole/Lawler. Eventually they all give up and settle for entertaining each other with jokes and one-liners. Ironically, the PTP’s come off as funny and charismatic (which is bad because they’re heels.) Match ends when the PTP’s rush the ring, and get beat down by both other teams.
MAJOR STORYLINES
1. THE AJ “SCANDAL” – So this nonsense begins with Vicki bringing out two people to the ring, one a waitress claiming AJ and Cena were getting “friendly” with each other in a restaurant, and the other was a dude implying he had pics of them “doing it” in the back of a car. AJ came out to confront her, followed by John Cena, who accused Vicki of harassing people just to get attention. He decided to show her how it’s done and planted a kiss on AJ. He turned to Vicki but AJ grabbed him and JUMPED HIM LIKE A FACE HUGGER IN ALIENS! The kiss went well over a minute while Vicki threw a tantrum. (Why?) Ziggler runs out and jumps Cena. Cena tries to give Ziggler the “Attitude Adjustment,” Ziggler escapes, and Cena goes after him, twisting his left knee in the process.
We see Cena get his knee taped up backstage.
AJ goes to Vicki, asking what she plans to do about it. Vicki, flanked by Tamina Snuka, says nothing. AJ says she will.
AJ heads for the locker room with Layla trying to talk her out of it. AJ blows her off and goes in to confront Ziggler. Ziggler gives her a verbal dressing down (VERBAL you pervs,) and AJ goes off on him. Cena pulls her off and Ziggler jumps him. The two men go crashing into a toilet stall, and Ziggler wails away on Cena until Titus pulls him off. Ziggler gets in one last shot to Cena’s bad knee.
Okay….
1. Why would Vicki and Ziggler be upset about this? Didn’t Cena and AJ CONFIRM everything they were being accused of? And let’s say they did…
2. SO PHKING WHAT!? What does this prove? Two single, consenting adults have decided to date, WHAT HAS VICKI “WON?”
Here’s the thing, when Vicki started this crap, it made SOME sense. AJ was RAW GM; Vicki wanted her out and wanted her job. AJ QUIT trying to protect John. VICKI GOT THE JOB (sort off.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING? Vicki has won. There is no reason, story-line, OR OTHERWISE for Vicki to keep this up.
Now before you argue “she wants to drive AJ out of WWE,” let me remind you, AJ WAS ON HER WAY OUT WHEN THIS STARTED! VICKI HIRED HER BACK! Vicki could’ve been free of AJ weeks ago. You could say Vicki is jealous of AJ, and wants to torture her, AND YOU WOULD BE GIVING HER AN ACTUAL MOTIVE! SOMETHING WWE DID NOT DO!
Side Note: I don’t know if Cena is legit hurt or it’s just an angle, but it looks like in either scenario, he’s out of the title picture.
2. THE CELEBRATION OF C.M. PUNK – The storyline with the least attention had the best payoff. We begin with Heyman at the top of the show holding up a poster of Punk and planning a big celebration for the champ. Punk comes out to hear his praises. Matt Stryker tries to get an interview and Punk threatens him. Heyman tries to smooth things over saying tonight is a celebration and everyone is invited, including Ryback.
We get short backstage segments featuring Heyman abusing crew members while planning the party, including one where Heyman demands “BALLOONS” manically, and one where he assures Punk nothing will ruin their celebration.
The final segment of the evening has Heyman in the ring. He calls the audience on the hypocrisy of chanting “ECW” when they see him, and booing him for his joke at Lawler’s expense last week. They say they want the Attitude era back, but get all upset when they get a taste of it. Punk comes out and points out to us that he did something Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, The Undertaker, and The Rock couldn’t do, hold the WWE title for one calendar year. We get a video package of Punk’s year-long reign, followed by Heyman and Punk running down all the great stars that couldn’t beat Punk and congratulating each other.
Ryback comes out, but gets jumped by NXT talents Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reins. Ryback tries to fight them off, but they end up putting him through an announce table, just like at Survivor Series. RAW ends with the champ, cautiously, standing with one foot on Ryback and his title in the air.
Okay, LOVING IT! This is the first RAW this year that ends with Punk standing tall over a fallen enemy. I’m hoping this leads to a Punk-led stable of young talent rallying to their hero’s side and becoming a major force in WWE. (Of course, WWE will most likely push this as a bunch of punks trying to get attention and Punk will get written into a feud with Hornswoggle.) Nonetheless, this is the first time in months that WWE has tried to make Punk look “relatively” good on television. It is a welcome change.
Overall, if this RAW had dropped the AJ scandal B.S. it would’ve been the strongest RAW in a long time. We got a LOT of actual wrestling where most people looked strong even in defeat.
So, while I’m not in LOVE with the product right now, this has been a step in the right direction.