Last week: Dolph Ziggler lost his Intercontinental title to Kofi Kingston, immediately lost his rematch, and then turned everything around by winning a Fatal Four Way match to determine the No. 1 Contender for Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship. Give the assist to Vickie Guerrero who, in Teddy Long’s absence, inserted her boyfriend into the bout at the last minute. Tonight, will we see repercussions of Vickie’s invasive ways? Elsewhere on the program, Big Show seeks revenge on Wade Barrett, who made a surprise appearance on the show (and whose elbow made a lasting impression on… the Show. See what I did there, guys? Show? Big Show? Yeah…? Okay, that was terrible. Let’s pretend it never happened.)
It’s two weeks ‘til the Royal Rumble! I am very excited. The Rumble has been my favourite event since I was a wee boy. Even if the overall match isn’t great, every Rumble has at least a couple of classic moments. The big question is – who will win this year? Alberto Del Rio seems pretty confident about headlining WrestleMania, but I hope we get a curveball instead. Anyway, on with the show…
Speaking of Del Rio, he kicks off tonight’s show with an in-ring promo. In short, he says it’s his destiny to win the Royal Rumble and become the new ‘Mr. WrestleMania’. R-Truth soon interrupts. He says that Alberto won’t win the Royal Rumble match because he has fancy cars, or his own ‘creepy’ ring announcer. At one point, he calls Alberto, ‘Lucy’. I’m guessing that’s some sort of US television reference that I don’t get. Another interruption; this time courtesy of Dashing Cody Rhodes. He gives his own speech about how he’s going to win the Rumble and, sure enough, we get another interruption as Rey Mysterio’s music hits. Rey gives his usual spiel about fighting the odds and such. He mentions that Alberto Del Rio hasn’t won a Royal Rumble, which is a moot point seeing as Del Rio hasn’t even been in the WWE for a year! Maybe I’m taking this too seriously… Cody Rhodes has a great comeback, saying that Rey’s Rumble win ‘is so 2006.’ The four men end up brawling, before Teddy Long’s music inevitably hits. He announces that Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes will take on R-Truth and Rey Mysterio… next.
Rey Mysterio/R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes: There’s not much to write home about in this match, so let’s skip ahead to everyone’s favourite part, the Obligatory Tag Match Breakdown Time™! R-Truth makes the hot tag to Rey, who bounds in and starts laying into Cody Rhodes. Rey hits a Sunset Flip, but Del Rio breaks up the count with a dropkick. R-Truth takes him out of the equation, only to be thrown over the top rope by Rhodes. Rey sets up and hits the 619, follows with a splash, and picks up the win. Pretty standard match with a predictable ending. Ho hum, etc.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio/R-Truth
During the ad break, we’re treated to a ‘Did You Know?’ which states that the WWE has been granting wishes for the Make-A-Wish foundation since 1982, ‘before the entire cast of Jersey Shore was even born.’ Boy, check out WWE, being all hip and current and… dope. Do kids still say ‘dope’?
Speaking of which, it’s time for another edition of ‘Str8 Outta Brooklyn with JTG.’ Let’s just move on swiftly, shall we?
Wade Barrett is backstage, being interviewed by Todd Grisham. I always feel a pang of guilt when I see Todd backstage on SmackDown!; as if I’m cheating on him by listening to the commentary of others, and he cries himself to sleep at night whilst clutching an announcer’s headset close to his chest. Anyway, Barrett vows to take Big Show down tonight. We’re then treated to a frankly terrifying hype video for Ezekiel Jackson’s impending return to SmackDown!. Scary stuff.
Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Baretta: Hey, it’s Trent Baretta! He’s okay! He wastes no time, going for McIntyre before the Sinister Scotsman has even managed to step through the ropes. His offensive flurry is short-lived, however; Drew is soon slamming the former Dudebuster’s face into the announce desk and even backhands him in the face! How rude. Baretta eventually gets a small reprieve, but the crowd don’t seem interested in getting behind him, which is a shame. In fact, some members of the crowd actually cheer when McIntyre signals for the end with a ‘thumbs down’. Drew picks up Baretta and goes to dump him over the ropes, but Baretta counters into a pin and gets the 3-count! Holy crap, didn’t see that coming! Drew McIntyre is furious.
Your winner: Trent Baretta
We return from an ad break to see Trent Baretta walking backstage. Drew McIntyre jumps him, but the Scotsman’s attack is soon halted by the appearance of Kelly Kelly. He tries to plea his case, but she screams at him to grow up and storms off.
Big Show vs. Wade Barrett: Barrett’s music is pretty dreadful. It’s some sort of pseudo-electro-rock track. Hopefully he’ll get a better one soon. Big Show makes several attempts to take out Wade with a Chokeslam, but the Englishman keeps finding ways to evade. The final attempt sees Show thwarted by… Heath Slater! The ref calls for the bell as Justin Gabriel runs into the ring as well. I guess that explains where Gabriel and Slater ran off to after they turned their backs on CM Punk’s initiation over on RAW… All of a sudden, Ezekiel Jackson appears. For some reason, this sends Michael Cole into a frenzy, calling Jackson’s appearance ‘insane’, as if it was Ric Flair or Sting who had just shown up, as opposed to an actual WWE roster member who is due to return from injury. Jackson and Big Show have a stare down, which allows the former Nexus members to attack Show from behind. Who will Jackson side with? Big Show punches a steel chair out of Justin Gabriel’s hand, then turns around and is taken down by Ezekiel Jackson’s clothesline. Everyone starts kicking into Big Show – I guess that means Jackson is aligned with Barrett, Slater and Gabriel. Zeke lifts Big Show up and hits a powerslam, as Matt Striker announces that ‘SmackDown! may never be the same again.’ Gabriel provides the exclamation point with his 450 Splash, and this new faction (I’m guessing I can call them a faction?) celebrate their domination over Big Show. I have just one thing to say about all of this: please change the music…
Your winner (not that anyone’s interested in that at this point): Big Show via DQ
Michelle McCool vs. Beth Phoenix: McCool immediately targets Beth’s rehabilitated left knee. Beth eventually manages to fight back, and hits an awesome springboard suplex. I never get tired of that move. Beth sets up the Glam Slam, but Michelle manages to roll through. She gets a 2-count, then Beth counters into a pin attempt of her own and steals the 3.
Your winner: Beth Phoenix
Backstage, Dolph and Vickie are reconciling after tensions arose between them last week. The end result is an extended Eskimo kiss. That would have been cute if we replaced Vickie with someone else. I have a few suggestions, but I’ll go ahead and keep those to myself…
Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger: Josh Mathews thanks the WWE Universe for making last week the most-watched SmackDown! ever on SyFy. Is it possible that spoilers regarding Dolph’s push were partially responsible? I’m gonna blindly presume ‘yes,’ and not question anything, because I’m a big fanboy and don’t like to listen to reason. Anyway, Kofi has a mic and says he’s proud to once again be Intercontinental champ. He doesn’t get much further, because Jack Swagger’s music hits. Swagger’s not as fun without his Soaring Eagle. I’m still certain that the Eagle will make a Rumble appearance, by the way. I’d bet money on it. This match was back-and-forth, but Kofi eventually managed to hit the SOS and get the pinfall victory.
Your winner: Kofi Kingston
It’s time for Cutting Edge. The Rated R SOOOOperstar introduces Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. As they approach the ring, Michael Cole confirms that Ziggler’s match with Edge will take place at the Royal Rumble. Sweet. This segment contains its fair share of ‘Vickie is fat and ugly’ jokes. We’ve heard it all before, so I’ll spare you the details. Ziggler says when Vickie and Edge first got together all those years back, Vickie resuscitated Edge’s entire career; at the Rumble, Dolph is gonna pull the plug and watch it flatline. Nice terminology there. Vickie shows a clip from back in July 2008 – remember when Alicia Fox was Edge and Vickie’s wedding planner, and Edge got his smooch on with her? That was back when I first started watching wrestling regularly again. Holy crap. Feels like a lifetime ago! SmackDown! has aged me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m an old soul now; just like those chaps from Inception… Edge accepts that cheating is a terrible thing, but counters that he has a clip of his own to roll. This one shows Dolph and Kaitlyn (remember her?) kissing backstage during Season 3 of NXT… Uh oh. Edge starts to rub the salt in, but Ziggler snaps and starts beating him down. Edge responds with a big boot, which sends Ziggler to the outside. Vickie gives Edge a few slaps to the face, but the champ chooses to walk away. He steps through the ropes, and Vickie starts cackling about how untouchable she is. Edge’s expression changes, and he slowly gets back into the ring. It looks like he’s going to Spear Vickie, but Dolph sweeps his legs and drags him to the outside. He sets Edge up, then hits a Zigzag, sending Edge’s head and neck slamming into the steel steps. Vickie joins Dolph at ringside, stands over Edge’s body, and plants a big kiss on her boyfriend. Yeuch.
That’s all for this week! Make sure to check make next time for more SmackDown! goodness. Cheers!
Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.
Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!
Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.
Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.
Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.
@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.
@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?
@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE
@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF
DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!
R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio
If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.
Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.
Alberto del Rio wins via count out.
Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.
Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!
@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.
@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?
@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, WWE Champion The Miz violently attacks Jerry “The King” Lawler.”>
Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.
“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”
Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.
Cole says it still works.
“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”
Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …
@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling
@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M
@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol
@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse
Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.
Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.
@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.
@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble
On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!
Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.
Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-
We walk alone…
Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.
Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.
Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing
@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.
@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch
@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: Last week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship>
John Morrison vs King Sheamus
Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.
We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.
John Morrison wins via pinfall.
Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.
Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE
@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW
@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw
@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?
The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.
I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…
Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.
Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-
Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW
@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_
@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn
@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.
@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!
@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.
@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?
Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight
Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.
Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.
Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.
Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy
@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.
@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.
@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.
@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.
@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF
AWESOME!
The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton
Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.
We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.
Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!
Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!
Since you like to go online and bash wrestling websites, I thought maybe a site that’s run by fans for fans would take a shot at getting on your bad side for once. We here at BoredWrestlingFan do not have any inside connections, and we don’t claim to be a source for wrestling news. We are simply fans of the product. I must disclaim that this article does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the BWF staff as a whole, although I’m sure that at least a few of them feel the same way.
I have no doubt that you and your brother made it to WWE on your athletic merit, and the number of WWE Tag Team Championships the two of you have held together over the years will attest to that. Matt Hardy V1? Brilliant stuff. Loved the Matt Facts, and despite wearing a Rey Mysterio mask to WrestleMania XIX, I still cheered for you. As your career went on though, it went downhill.
Yes, we all know the story – Amy cheated on you with Adam, you got fired because of it (yes, I will admit, that was ridiculous), and you went on the internet and got your fans to support you and convince the WWE to bring you back. After that, however, you didn’t seem to have the passion anymore. I can see how a situation like that would suck the life out of somebody, but you’re a performer on a nationally televised stage and you have to deliver.
Which brings me to the latter stages of your WWE career, Matt. You put on a ton of weight – and yes, I’m aware of your abdominal tear that caused you to not be able to work out – and your work ethic continued to plummet. You were essentially absent from TV, which would upset anybody in that situation, I’m sure, but what, exactly, Matt, were you doing to better your position in the company? Were you working out post-surgery to get back into ring shape? Were you doing cardio and trying to lose the gut that had writers here calling you “Fatt Lardy?” Nope. You were on the internet complaining about it.
We’re tired of it, Matt. Sure, you have millions of viewers to your YouTube videos, but how many of those are people like me who are tuning in to see just how batshit crazy you’ve actually gone?
Then you show up in TNA as Rob Van Dam’s mystery opponent at Genesis, as if that weren’t the worst kept secret in pro wrestling. I haven’t watched TNA in two months and I knew you were the mystery opponent. But here’s the thing. No matter how much you try to make yourself look like Raven, you’re not him. Raven had thyroid issues and still managed to get himself back into somewhat decent shape. And did Kizarny have a yard sale and sell his hair extensions?
Look, Matt, I want to like you, I really do, but your shtick is getting old. Stop trying to work the internet, and start trying to work on losing some weight and getting back into ring shape. Then maybe someday will call you a has-been, instead of what you are now, a never-was.
This should have been posted earlier, but there’s still time to be relevant. Every year at around this time, wrestling websites ask readers to post lists of what they, as wrestling fans, would ask Wrestling Santa Claus for as gifts. Bored Wrestling Fan is no different, and I now ask you to post away! Any and all companies, everything goes. Make your “wish lists” as long as you like. Here’s mine, in no particular order: (more…)
With quite a lot going on in the wrestling world as we head towards the end of the year and into the annual “Wrestlemania Season”, you fine readers may well see a lot more of the “Mat Musings” concept. This is simply because there is a hell of a lot to talk about this time of year, specifically when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment. Having said that, one of the topics in this article has absolutely nothing to do with the biggest company in all of the wrestling kingdom! With that said, on with the topics!
Scottish Wrestler to Appear on TNA Maximum iMPACT! Tour..
I have no clue how familiar many (or indeed any) of you are with the wrestling scene here in the UK. As it happens, it’s going through quite the boom period in regards to talent – which will be obvious to any of you who regularly tune into WWE or TNA television. The amount of British-born grappler’s currently making headlines in the major promotions is at an all-time high. This obviously bodes well for my local scene as the bigwigs at WWE and TNA seem to be on the lookout on this side of the water.
Recently, none other than Jeff Jarrett was flown in at the expense of TNA wrestling to hold a seminar with the young students of The “Scottish Pro Wrestling Academy” and the hard-working roster members of “Premier British Wrestling”. PBW has recently joined up with the “British Wrestling Council” (an institution put in place to improve the safety and working conditions for all those involved in the British wrestling scene, be they wrestler, manager, announcer, referee or ring crew) and this marks a clear statement of intent from TNA to sweep the shores of the UK for talent.
Adrian McCallum, who goes by the ring name “Lionheart”, was the man chosen by Jarrett at these training sessions to show the biggest amount of potential. Lionheart has long been a local favourite in Scotland, specifically Glasgow, and there is a fantastic buzz and excitement over him being given this opportunity. Having had the chance to see him wrestle a number of times, I can tell you that he reminds me of a younger AJ Styles and will no doubt thrive in front of a huge crowd at the Braehead Arena in Glasgow. Go get ’em buddy!
A special mention must be given to Ross Watson and his gang over at PBW too, for all the hard work they have put in removing the stigma and overall ‘cheapness’ of the British product. Their live shows are regularly jam-packed full of wrestling-hungry spectators and it wouldn’t be stretching the truth to say that nobody leaves a show feeling disappointed. This writer is in no way associated with PBW but feels that credit is due for all their efforts! It’s exciting to think, for somebody like me who is trying to break into the British wrestling scene, that someday I could perhaps be a part of all this. You just never know!
Vince McMahon Banking on Brock Lesnar..
When WWE announcers start mentioning something heavily on TV at the direct request of their boss, it’s a good indication that the company and its owner are fairly confident said thing will come to fruition. The undoubted largest company in professional wrestling have always been very careful when it comes to things like this. Mr. McMahon really does like to follow through on things and doesn’t often leave things to chance, with his wrestling promotion at least.
There is still a lot of talk regarding the possible appearance of UFC performer and ex-WWE superstar, Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania this coming spring. Personally, I’m not entirely sure what to make of it all. I find it very difficult to imagine that Dana White, the owner of UFC, would allow one of his contracted fighters to show up on a WWE show for any reason. WWE and UFC may be two different monsters but they are in the business of ratings and trying to secure a bigger audience than the other, on the face of it. On the flip side, Lesnar appearing at the most-watched wrestling show of the year could be seen as the perfect advert for UFC. The chance of grabbing some new viewers could be a clever move, with WWE receiving the “cool” rub of being associated with mixed martial arts. Perhaps there is something in it for both sides afterall.
From a purely personal standpoint, I would love to see Brock back in a WWE ring. The chances of him ever returning full-time are extremely slim, which I realise, but a one-off appearance would only heighten my anticipation for the event. By far one of my favourite superstars from the past decade, “The Next Big Thing” became a world class main event level wrestler very fast – learning off peers such as Kurt Angle and The Undertaker with superlative quickness. With his intimidating size and impressive agility, I’d be a liar if I said I wouldn’t “mark out with my mark out” if the master of the “F5” showed up with his game face on.
Yours truly can recall being mega-disappointed with the way the man’s wrestling career ended. Coming to a close in complete and utter insouciance, his match with fellow-leaver Goldberg was treated with disdain by those in attendance at Madison Square Garden. It was a sorry end for the man in whom Vince McMahon saw great things. It would be entirely fair to say that Lesnar would still be a huge star in the land of the WWE had he not decided to pursue an American Football career, tired of the long roads he had to travel with the industry.
The only thing for us fans to do, is play the waiting game. It’ll certainly be an interesting watch to see if WWE ramp up their interest in their former champion. Or perhaps they already know something the rest of us do not..
I’d love to hear YOUR opinion on the topics discussed here. Quite frankly, they’re as important as mine. Sometimes even more so! The banter and chatter amongst fans is truly what makes pro wrestling such an amazing form of entertainment. Almost everybody has something to say. I love that. You can leave a comment below or send a quickfire email my way – jamiekennedy@live.com I’ll be sure to respond to anything and everything. Quite frankly, I just love talking to people about the wild and wacky world of wrasslin’! TAKE IT HOME!
While the WWE tours Europe, they managed to tape a Smackdown for us. All we know for sure, is that on RAW we were told Otunga is facing Edge tonight Where in the world is Alberto Del Rio? Let’s find out…
HEY KIDS! CLICK THE LINK FOR THE ANSWER! EVEN BIG SHOW WANTS YOU TO. He also wants you to buy Knucklehead on DVD. He said, “Please, for the love of god, please.”
Hello everyone, and welcome to another exciting RAW review!! Tickets for Wrestlemania 27, as well as the birthdays of both ThinkSoJoE and randomredhead are in only five days!! Let’s just say that’s a really good birthday idea… And there’s my random plug. So, what is it that’s going to happen this week? More John Cena and Nexus drama, of course, but what else? Will Daniel Bryan make someone else tap out? Will Cole finally shut up? Who knows?!
Tonight, the Divas are having a Six-Diva Tag Team match they’re calling the Diva Cup, and Wade Barrett is comin’ home!! What kind of a homecoming celebration will he get??
John Cena is in the middle of the ring, representing Nexus, and has a giant scroll. Old style scroll. Pretty neat lookin, actually. H reads that it is his distinct honor to introduce us to the man who has promised and delivered the winds of change. The leader of the most devastating, dominant, and revolutionary force to step foot in the WWE known as the Nexus. At Survivor Series, he will be your WWE Champion. Please welcome, making his long-awaited, triumphant return home to Manchester, England, Wade Barrett.
We walk alone, through the unknown…
Huh. Josh Matthews is taking over for Jerry Lawler tonight, but Cole’s still there. Damn it.
Nexus is in the ring, and Barrett thanks Cena for his outstanding introduction, that he wrote. Barrett says that the prodigal son has returned, and they cheer. Go England. Barrett says that there’s no better way to celebrate his upcoming championship reign than to have a preview of the celebration tonight. Tonight, there’s going to be a big party, and all of Manchester is invited. Before the Nexus hoists Barrett victoriously above their shoulders, there is business that he needs to take care of. Barrett says there were a couple issues that occurred last week that he needs to look into.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Otunga brings Nexus to Smackdown and gets a Spear and a loss for Nexus.>
Barrett tells Otunga to step forward. He says next time Otunga undermines his authority, to take Nexus to Smackdown without his permission, make sure he’s successful. He orders Otunga back in line, and says he’ll deal with him later. Right now, he wants to deal with Cena.
Last week, Cena had the opportunity on RAW to showcase what he would do at Survivor Series during Barrett’s match with Orton. Instead, he missed the tag and ended up declaring Orton and Truth the winners.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Orton and Truth defeat Barrett and Otunga.>
Barrett tells Cena to explain himself. Cena says that it all started as a joke, and mentions all the stuff that happened when he was wrapping. Barrett says that he was talking about that match and asks what happened. Cena says they lost. Barrett warns Cena not to test him and says that Cena’s lucky he’s in his home town, and no one will ruin his celebration. The simple fact is, Cena is either free of Nexus or fired. Cena either raises Barrett’s hand and awards him the WWE title, or Barrett flushes his entire WWE career down the toilet. Cena says he’s glad Barrett’s home, glad his countrymen embrace him, and he hopes that Barrett remembers what he said last week: After that match is over, he’s going to give Barrett and anyone who interferes, the beating of a lifetime. Barrett says Cena’s cute, and he holds Cena’s destiny in his hand, but at Survivor Series, Cena’s going to do what Barrett tells him to, but now they need to practice what will happen after the match at Survivor Series. He wants Cena to tell the world that Wade Barrett is the new WWE Champion. Cena says he hasn’t won anything yet, and Barrett says it’s a practice. Cena says whatever.
I hear voices in my head…
Randy Orton comes out and stays on the stage, looking at Nexus. He says last time he checked, he was still WWE Champion. It’s true Wade has Cena under his thumb, but Barrett is fighting Orton, not Cena, and he doesn’t doubt that he can beat Barrett regardless of the referee. Orton doesn’t care if Cena is free or fired, but he is going to make sure Orton will never have the WWE Champion. Barrett says that last time he checked, he had an army standing behind him at his beck and call, and he doesn’t recall Orton having anyone behind him.
And I quote: “Wade Barrett’s championship celebration preview has been officially cancelled. Also, to insure that there is a decisive victor, the WWE title match must be won by pinfall or submission only. Furthermore, I am officially announcing that the remaining members of Nexus will be banned from ringside. But Wade, that’s at Survivor Series. As for tonight, since Wade Barrett has an army behind him, Randy Orton is going to have one as well. Team Barrett, comprised of Nexus, will take on Team Orton, in a ten man tag team match. I, the General Manager, will personally choose the members of Orton’s team later, but I do know this: the special guest referee for this match will be John Cena.”
Cena knocks over the Nexus podium, and then shoves Otunga as he walks up. Cena then walks out of the ring.
The Diva’s Cup tag match is next!
<COMMERCIAL>
@CawCawBang and i quote shut your dirty pie hole!
@KickStunner Orton comin out like “I’M IN THIS STORY LINE TOO YOU KNOW!”
@TKeep123 Wade Barrett ain’t happy! <G> Cena’s doing stand-up comedy and Otunga is changing has drawers. #RAW #WWE #BWF
@thinksojoe Cena is gold in this promo #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar LOL that was funny. I gotta admit it, Cena
@kickoutblog Nexus has their own calligraphy? Classy!
Diva’s Cup: Eve Torres, Nikki, and Brie Bella vs. Maryse, Tamina, and Alicia Fox
Eve and Tamina start out, and Tamina shoves Tamina back in the corner. She then kicks her hard in the stomach, but eve gets out of the corner and gets Tamina in there, hitting some hard kicks on Tamina before Irish Whipping her, only to get it countered, and then dropped by Tamina with a Samoan drop, going for a cover for Eve to kick out. Tamina tags in Maryse, who goes for a cover only for Eve to kick out. Maryse shoves Eve around the ring a little before taunting the Bellas and holding Eve in a headlock before shoving her down and doing it again. Eve gets up to her feet, and fights out, hitting a kick to Maryse’s head. Eve and Maryse tag in Alicia and Brie, according to the other Twin, and Alicia starts to hit something, but Brie counters for the pin, does something, then goes for another pin. Tamina breaks it up, Eve chases her down, Maryse gets in, Nikki gets chased out of the ring by the ref, and then Maryse hits the French Kiss on Brie. Nikki runs in and switches places, and then pins Alicia.
Eve Torres and the Bella Twins win via pinfall.
Nexus is backstage, and Otunga says that Cena tried to punk them. Barrett walks up and interrupts his pep talk, and Otunga says that he was just telling everyone that they need to step it up. Barrett says that Otunga won’t be a part of Team Barrett, but put in a singles match against Cena. Barrett says that he wants Otunga to give it everything, and he’ll tell Cena the exact same thing. Nexus then walks away, leaving Otunga alone.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Got talent? The only thing the Bellas have is a professional job as escorts.
@KeepItFiveStar I hate “Twin Magic”
@CawCawBang maryse whip her hair back and forth
@TKeep123 Diva Match…the white shorts look like diapers! #RAW #WWE
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Natalya beats Michelle McCool to become Number One Contender for the Diva’s Championship at Survivor Series.>
The Hart Dynasty, Tyson Kidd and David Hart Smith with Natalya vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso
Smith and one of the Usos is in right now, Jimmy, and Smith gets a big advantage , knocking Jey out, then Jimmy right after. Smith tags Kidd in, and Kidd jumps over the ring, hitting a hurricanrana on one of the Usos. Kidd then throws the other one into the ring, missing an elbow drop. The Uso in the ring shoves Kidd into the corner, and the other one is tagged in. I can’t tell the different, could you tell? Usos get the advantage, then tag in. Smith looks like he’s about to walk out, and then the Usos go for another tag on Kidd, who kicks out. Apparently Jey has a tattoo on his chest and Jimmy doesn’t. Whichever one is in the ring keeps, Kidd over, but misses a drop on Jimmy, who is in the ring. Jimmy tags in Jey, while Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who decided to stay. Smith hits a belly-to-belly, and goes for a cover, only for Jey to kick out. Smith hits the running bulldog, but Jimmy breaks up the pin. Kidd slides between the ropes to attack Jimmy, who dishes back some pain, and then Smith has to get Jimmy off the apron. Jey hits the splash on Smith and pins him for the win.
Jimmy and Jey Uso win via pinfall.
Am I the only one who started singing Mark Henry’s theme when the Uso theme hit?
Coming up, Tea Time With Santino, featuring Sheamus. This is amazing. Also coming up, David Otunga will take on John Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar If only every wrestler called their name out before they did stuff like the Usos “MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK!” *Splash*
@kickoutblog The Usos? The guys who almost killed The Hart Dynasty’s career are back to finish the job once and for all?
@thinksojoe The Usos totally ripped off the Godsmack logo #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Goddamn. Uso’s should get a bigger crowd reaction. They have fucking SKILL, bitches.
@TKeep123 TEA with SANTINO !!!!! “Business is about to pick up!” A little Earl Gray for Sheamus? #RAW #WWE
Next week, WWE goes Old School on RAW, and it starts at 8 PM!! I’ll do my best to be here, so so should you!
Matt Striker is backstage and asks Orton who he thinks the GM will pick as his partners. Orton says he has no idea and he has to care who his partners are. His teams had better be the best of the best.
The Miz interrupts and says that he just heard from the GM, so he can tell Orton that one member of his team is him. Orton doesn’t need to worry about getting the best, because right now his team is awesome.
Slater and Gabriel are looking at their belts, Harris and McGuillicutty are talking, and Otunga comes back. No one says anything, and Otunga says that he meant Cena, not them. Otunga says that he’ll show them how a leader handles stuff, and that they should all be out there, since they’re a team. Gabriel asks if Barrett knows, and Otunga says that they shouldn’t need to ask, and they’re either Nexus or against us, and he’ll see them out there. They don’t agree.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Otunga soundin ‘mighty white’ in that last scene……like Beaver Cleaver. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@thinksojoe If they don’t break out either the old RAW letters set or the neon set next week, I will be severely disappointed. #BWF
@kickoutblog I find Nexus’ race relations to be a bit shady. I’m onto you, and I’m not fooled by the one hillbilly you kicked out of the group either!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Ted DiBiase and Maryse crash the wedding of Goldust and Aksana, only for Ted DiBiase to save it. Confused yet? Oh, yeah, and Aksana slaps the taste out of Goldust after they’re declared married.>
Goldust comes out, looking pretty pissed off. Poor guy. I like Goldust.
Goldust vs. Ted DiBiase with Maryse
Goldust painted tears on his face tonight.
Ted and Goldust start out busy, DiBiase getting an advantage, only to get thrown by Goldust. Goldust clotheslines him out of the ring, and DiBiase climbs back in, bouncing off the ropes, and right into an inverted atomic drop. DiBiase goes to town beating on Goldust’s head, throwing Goldust around the ring. DiBiase goes for a cover, but Goldust kicks out. Another cover, but Goldust kicks out again. DiBiase keeps putting pressure on Goldust’s head, but Goldust fights back, and DiBiase goes for a cover, but Goldust kicks out. DiBiase tells Maryse to go get the Million Dollar Championship, and she does. Goldust fights back, hitting an uppercut, then the running bulldog and into a cover. DiBiase kicks out at two, and Goldust throws Ted, who counters, and then DiBiase gets hit by a scoop slam. Aksana comes down to the ring, and tries to take the belt, slapping Maryse and then running away with the belt. Goldust steals a pin and starts to follow Aksana, then does follow her up the ramp.
Goldust wins via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar As much as I like Maryse’s heels, shes rockin some sexy boots. #allblackeverything
@Niki_Sushi Maryse looks fucking amazing, as always. #BWF #RAW
@CawCawBang nah the reason she isn’t coming near the commentary desk is because you’re a female replete cole
@kickoutblog Seriously, Michael Cole is beyond unbearable.
BRRRRRRRR SHUFFLE POO!!
John Cena vs David Otunga
Well then. Otunga makes his way out to the ring, and Nexus actually makes their way down the ramp. I am a little shocked to see them out. I thought they’d just ditch them, but surprise!
Oh. Look at that. Now they’re leaving. I so knew it.
Otunga takes off up the ramp, and Cena chases him down, knocking him down and then throwing him into the car on the stage. Cena then literally runs Otunga back down to the ring, right inside. Cena hits Otunga with a clothesline, and hits what I think was a gut wrench power bomb. Swagger’s throwing a tantrum on Smackdown right now. Anyway, Cena keeps an advantage over Otunga, hitting his new favorite move, the standing dropkick on Otunga, before slamming his face in the turnbuckle. Cena then whips Otunga across the ring, but Otunga moves before he can get hit. Otunga takes advantage, hitting Cena repeatedly. Otunga goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. The crowd is screwing with me, but, whatever. Otunga is beating the shit out of Cena, and then hits an elbow drop before going for a cover. Cena kicks out. Otunga steps on Cena, then misses another elbow, and Cena fights back, hitting the shoulder blocks, then setting up the Five Knuckle Shuffle.. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, but doesn’t go for the cover yet. He grabs him and puts him in the STF.
John Cena wins via submission.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays Holy crap, I think Mark Henry could beat David Otunga in a foot race after seeing that.
Otunga’s in the back, icing his neck, when Barrett walks up. Barrett says last week, he got pinned in their tag team match, and then he decided to take Nexus to Smackdown, and got pinned again. And tonight, in Barrett’s home town, Otunga embarrassed him. Barrett’s giving Otunga a chance to redeem himself: Take Nexus back to Smackdown and have a match with Edge. If Otunga doesn’t beat Edge, he’s done.
Holy shit. Santino and Vladimir Kozlov, dressed like English gentlemen, walk out. Santino says that he and Kozlov like to blend in. They were excited to come to the UK, and they watched the Bond movies, Austin Powers, Mr. Bean, and a bunch of others. They think they know everything about the culture now. He says that every time he crosses the roads he almost gets killed, and he asks everyone to drive on the other side just for him.
Santino says that he wants to make peace with Sheamus. He was angry, so they’re going to have an old-style classic tea party, and everything will be okay.
Sheamus walks down to the ring, looking rather unimpressed. Santino says hi and then shakes Sheamus’ hand, who doesn’t know proper hand-shaking etiquette, because he holds on too long. They all sit down, and Santino says they got off on the wrong foot, and they want to be on the right foot. Santino says that they have something, and ginger tea, which he apologizes for, and an autographed picture of Mr. T. Sheamus says that he thinks he got Santino all wrong: he’s not bad, just misunderstood. Sheamus knew a guy back home in Ireland who only had one friend, and just like Santino, his friend was a donkey. Everyone in the town called him the village idiot. Santino mistakes it to be the donkey called the village idiot. Santino says it’s time for tea, and asks Sheamus if he takes his tea dark or milky. And apologizes for that, saying that he’s not trying to be smart, and he’s not referring to the fact that Sheamus has no pigmentation. And asks them not to make him angry, because Santino doesn’t like it when he’s angry. Santino says that Sheamus has rage inside him, and it’s either because he’s been over exposed to gamma rays, or when he was growing up, he was excluded from activities with other kids because he’s a ginger.
Santino says that they’re generous, but they aren’t helping. Santino says he won’t exclude Sheamus from activities, and he won’t treat Sheamus like a ghost – Ooh… Sheamus says Santino’s a funny person, and Santino had him laughing so hard he forgot why he hated him in the first place. Santino says that he can’t remember why Sheamus hates him either. Kozlov helpfully points out that Sheamus hates him because he beat him. Kozlov keeps pointing it out, and Sheamus isn’t happy anymore. Kozlov thinks it’s funny anyway.
Santino says that he doesn’t like the way Sheamus is looking at him, and pours Sheamus more tea, with a shaky hand, then all over his lap. Santino says that he’s sorry, and Sheamus flips the table.
“The time for tea and crumpets has come to an end. It’s now time for action. Clear the ring, and clear Vladimir Kozlov from ringside as well, because Santino Marella is going one on one with Sheamus.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Kozlov… you’re going to get Santino killed. And he won’t have a clue why. #BWF #RAW
@FrankWWEClown A Kozlov chant. Only in the United Kingdom, indeed. I love it. #WWE #RAW
@thinksojoe Gingers have no souls! #BWF
@Niki_Sushi THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! He’s the red-headed stepchild! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Shea-Moose looks like he’s trying so hard not to laugh xD #WWE
@RingsideRants Kozlov has already shown more personality than ever before… and he hasn’t even talked yet.
@TKeep123 Loving Koslov right now! “Biggest upset in Duble, duble E History…..EVER!” #WWE #RAW #BWF
Santino Marella vs Sheamus
Sheamus is still in the suit thing, and is trying to take the shirt off. Sheamus is looking at Santino like he’s a tard, and Santino ducks under the rope, shrieking like a woman. Higher than me, and I’m a soprano. Santino rolls out of the ring and then starts to get back in, but Sheamus distracts the ref. Santino runs into the crowd, and Sheamus starts to follow him. Sheamus says he wants Santino in the ring.
“Santino Marella, you have two choices. Get back in the ring and compete, or be immediately suspended.”
Santino asks, right now? And Sheamus motions for Santino to get into the ring. Santino riles himself up and climbs into the ring. He starts to go for the Cobra, but Sheamus knocks him on his back and stomps him. You can hear Santino go ‘ow’ every time he’s hit too. Santino continuously crawls for the ropes, but Sheamus tugs him to the middle of the ring. Sheamus looks unimpressed at Santino’s begging, and Santino hits a low blow on Sheamus and gets disqualified. Santino considers it a victory.
Sheamus wins via disqualification.
Sheamus gets up and hits the Brogue Kick on Santino. Sheamus then proceeds to destroy Santino. Sheamus gets Santino up, but Morrison runs into the ring and fights against Sheamus, hitting the flash kick on Sheamus and knocking him out of the ring. Morrison drags Santino to the other side of the ring.
Cena’s standing backstage, looking at the promo for Wrestlemania XXVII. Barrett joined him during the little commercial. Barrett comments on Wrestlemania, and tells Cena to imagine never being able to experience that again. In two weeks, all Cena has to do is raise Barrett’s hand and name him the WWE Champion, and he can experience Wrestlemania all he wants. Then, the Nexus will be nothing but a distant memory. Tonight, Cena needs to do it right, or his career will be nothing but a distant memory.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oooh… Santino, you fight dirty. You just opened the doors for Sheamus to rip your balls off. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Fear The (Below the Belt) Cobra!!!! Santino! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar John Morrison should interfere in a hat and tux also. But somehow John Morrison is gonna Parkour his way into this match shirtless.
@kickoutblog Ever notice whenever someone says “do the right thing” in wrestling, it’s always the wrong thing?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Second and Third Generation Superstars Stand Up For WWE.>
I hear voices…
WWE Champion Randy Orton, The Miz, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan, and Mark Henry vs Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel, Husky Harris, and Michael McGuillicutty
I warn you all now. I can’t keep up with matches with more than six people, apparently, so this isn’t going to be the best review of the match. Besides, the good stuff doesn’t happen until the match is over anyway.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I totally squee’gasmed over baby Cody and Ted. Hell, over all of it. That’s fuckin tradition. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 OK, I admit it, those private home photos of the legends rocked my boat. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Why are Mark Henry and Orton boys. Remember when Henry destroyed him and turned face?
@HitTheRopes Can we blow R-Truth up again, please? #wwe
I can tell you that Bryan and Gabriel start. So far, I’m doing good! And I missed whatever it was Bryan did, but Gabriel ducks under Bryan and tags in McGuillicutty. Bryan gets an advantage, and Miz tags himself in, hitting McGuillicutty from behind. Miz gets him in the corner, and Cena pulls Miz off of him. Hear the Miz is Awesome chants? I love it. Miz went for a cover, but McGuillicutty kicked out. Miz tags in Orton. Orton proceeds to beat McGuillicutty more, telling Barrett to come in. Instead, he tells Slater to get in. Orton toys with Slater, tagging in Truth. Truth beats Slater in the corner and then Irish Whips him, countering a counter-Whip, and then does his fancy shit to avoid getting hit. Truth goes for a cover, but Gabriel breaks it up, and then everyone runs in the ring. Team Orton clears the ring of Nexus, and Otunga makes his way out, walking down the ramp.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I think I figured out what pisses me off about Cole. Ever since his “turn,” it feels like he’s stopped taking his job seriously.
@KeepItFiveStar Did Orton just flex on Heath Slater to make him fall?
@TKeep123 R Truth in the UK: “I say, what is Up?” #WWE #RAW #BWF
@WWEsAngel_Nef I never thought I’d live to see the day when George Bush and Santino Marella would be dueling trending topics worldwide on twitter #WWE #BWF
Order has been restored, and it’s Truth and Gabriel in the ring. Otunga’s standing ringside, in front of the announce table. Truth is just smacking the shit out of Gabriel, who flips over him and takes him down, going for a cover, and Truth kicks out. Gabriel tags in Harris, and I die a little inside. Truth fights Harris, Irish Whipping him, only for Harris to counter, and Henry is tagged in. Harris delvers some blows to Henry, who knocks him on his ass. Henry then lifts Harris and slams him down. Mark Henry then goes to hit something, but misses. Harris then flings himself into Harris, and tags in McGuillicutty who is taken down by Henry. Henry tags in Bryan. Bryan delivers a series of hard kicks, getting whipped into the corner, but running up the ropes. Bryan’s really giving it to McGuillicutty, but can’t put him away. McGuillicutty comes back, and Harris tags in, after Bryan tries to hit the LaBell Lock. Harris knocks him out and beats him up for a bit. Harris has Bryan by the Nexus corner and Barrett tags in.
Bryan kicks out of a cover (just letting your eyes rest a bit). Barrett dominates Bryan, going for another cover, only for Bryan to kick out. Bryan fights to his feet, and Barrett plants Bryan, ending his quick defense. Bryan kicks out at two from the cover, and Barrett tags in Gabriel, who tags in Harris, who tags in Slater. Slater misses a run and this the corner instead. Both men are down, and Slater knocks Miz off the rope, only for Bryan to clothesline him. Both men struggle to make a tag, and Bryan tags in Orton and Slater tags in Barrett. Orton plants Barrett with s coop slam, and then hits the DDT off the ropes. Orton gets down and pounds on the mat, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Nexus doesn’t come in. Barrett lifts Orton, who fights out, and then delivers a back breaker to Barrett. McGuillicutty comes in, breaks it up, and Truth plants him to the ground. Gabriel comes in and hits a super kick, Henry, hits the World’s Strongest Slam on him, then Slater and Harris come in and throw him off the ring, and then Bryan dropkicks both of them out of the ring. Orton and Barrett get to their feet. Barrett tries the Wasteland, Orton hits a back breaker. Otunga manages to get Cena’s attention, and Riley attacks Orton with the briefcase, only for Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton. Barrett pins for the win.
Team Barrett wins via pinfall.
Well, the Miz betrayal wasn’t expected, but it does provide an interesting question. Will he try to cash in after Survivor Series? What’ll happen to him next week? I’ll see you then.
Hello ladies and gentlemen! The RAW Review is back this week, just as it was last week, and I’m frazzled. I decided to take on the challenge that is National Novel Writing Month, but I’ll suck that up quietly in peace and not bring it to RAW. Anyway, I’ve tucked away all the stuff for that for now, and I am focused on RAW! Just a side note, however, I am going to be missing the November 22nd edition of RAW, for I will be there LIVE when they come to Orlando!! So I may get a late review up on the 23rd or something like that depending on how tired I am. We’ll see how that goes, but why am I jumping ahead!? I have to get through tonight!!
However, before we begin, our very own ThinkSoJoE and Random Redhead’s birthdays are on the same day as Wrestlemania 27 tickets… Just an idea… 😉 There’s your plug, sweetie.
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
We start out RAW first thing with Randy Orton making his way onto the stage and into the ring. He says that he doesn’t think there’s a man alive who could take the title from him, but if someone did, he would accept it, but he couldn’t accept it if he lost it because of a crooked referee. Especially if that crooked ref just so happened to be John Cena. So, he’d like to ask Cena to come out to the ring because if he’s gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series, the least he could do is be man enough to say it to his face.
BRRRRRRRRRR SLAM THAT DOOR!
Cena walks out and says that he will say something to Orton’s face: cut him some slack. He knows Randy is the WWE Champion, he’s been there before, they both have. Orton’s smart enough to know that championships are won and lost, they come they go, and he has a decision to make at Survivor Series. If Barrett beats Cena at Survivor Series, he’s finally out of Nexus, but if Orton wins, Cena’s fired. And he has to be the guest referee. Cena says that if there’s a situation, if something happens, he doesn’t … He asks if he sees all that chaos on unrest, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He’s either free or fired. Orton says that he sees that, and it’s Cena’s bleeding heart way of saying that he is gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series. Cena denies it, but Orton says that if he does screw Orton over, then he keeps his job, but he’ll be the biggest phony in the WWE. And don’t bother coming out talking about Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, especially respect, because he’s obeying Barrett and disrespecting every champion, including himself. Then, Orton tells him to get out of his ring, because Cena doesn’t deserve to be in it. Orton then apologizes and says that Cena can’t get out of the ring without asking his master for permission. Cena says that they both worked hard to get there, and that Nexus runs the show while Cena gets coffee. Cena says that Barrett may have enough skill to compete for the WWE Championship, but he’s classless, and Barrett’s the one who doesn’t know about respect.
We walk alone, through the unknown…
Nexus – now with their new members McGuillicutty and Harris, make their way onto the stage. Barrett thanks Cena for his kind words, and he gives Cena permission to say whatever he wants about Barrett because actions will speak louder than words, and when push comes to shove, Cena will do exactly what he’s told. And at Survivor Series, Cena will raise his hand as the new WWE Champion. Cena says that all he knows that in three weeks, it’s over. He’s either out of Nexus or, and Barrett says or he’s fired. Cena asks Orton if he can have a second with his boss. Cena says that in three weeks, this thing is coming to a head, and whether he leaves Nexus or leaves the WWE, he’ll leave Barrett a parting gift: when this is all over, Cena will beat the hell out of Barrett. Orton then says that he doesn’t have to wait until Survivor Series, and as far as Orton is concerned, Barrett’s a scared little child who needs to hide behind seven other guys, and he’ll beat on him until the only thing left for Cena to do is count to ten and declare Orton the victor. Barrett starts toward the ring.
“Randy Orton, as the WWE Champion, I feel for the position you’re in. You want to know what Cena is going to do, we all wanna know, so I think we should find out tonight. Later this evening, there will be a main event with Wade Barrett and a partner of his choice vs you, Randy, and a partner of your choosing. And the special guest referee is going to be John Cena.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@CawCawBang Someone’s going to get their head punted in
@thinksojoe No, Michael Cole, you may NOT have my attention. #BWF #RAW
@Niki_Sushi So… was Cole reading the ‘e-mail’ off of Microsoft Word?
@Lunna1969 And I quote, shut the hell up Michael Cole!
We return to WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya
So, are these two actually going to split, or is this going to be teased the entire time? Curious… And I may be wrong. I don’t see Natalya.
Kidd and Slater start out, getting good momentum, but Kidd tags – see, punches – Smith in, and Smith dominates Slater. Smith hits the suplex on Slater, going for a cover, but Slater kicks out at two. Smith continues to dominate in the center of the ring, until Slater manages to get behind Smith and Gabriel tags himself in, getting a quick hit on Smith and taking advantage. Slater and Gabriel tag in and out, dominating Smith in their corner. Gabriel gets Smith in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and I see now that Natalya was not out here. Smith hits a scoop slam on Gabriel. Smith manages to get Kidd in, and Kidd gets a good advantage, hitting a neckbreaker before going for a cover, only for Slater to break it. Smith sends Slater flying outside of the ring, and Kidd takes advantage, dropkicking Gabriel out of the ring. Slater shoves Smith into Gabriel, sending Kidd flying into Smith. Slater then distracts Kidd, and Gabriel goes to the top rope and hits the 450 for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.
Smith yells at Kidd for a while, once again teasing the breakup.
Backstage, Cena’s standing there and Truth comes up. Truth says Cena got buck, confusing all of us, and then explains that Cena just stood up for himself. Truth then says when the moment of truth arrives, what is Cena gonna do? He says that he’s Cena’s friend, and Cena walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh Hart Dynasty…ya dun goofed…again
@Niki_Sushi I was all pumped up to see Justin and Heath, but then a couple Harts came out and ruined it for me. Ah, dammit. #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel I wanna know when Truth and Cena got so chummy. Did anyone know they were friends before Cena became a slave?
@HitTheRopes Umm, that’s not what “getting bucked” means, R-Truth. #wwe
@kickoutblog I’d really like to see Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel lock up in the future.
The guest star tonight is PeeWee Herman. And just this song is driving me crazy.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head, too many limes, too many limes!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Morrison assists Santino Marella defeat Sheamus.>
Sheamus says that everyone expected him to come out and throw a tantrum over Santino’s loss last week, but Santino didn’t beat him, he beat himself. Santino, he’s given you a week to bask in the glory of his fluke victory, but now he’s gonna pay. So, fella, come out here and try that one more time. And come out Santino does, in street clothes. Santino says that first of all, he would just like to say that he respects Sheamus as a human being. In fact, he is a little bit of a fan of his. Actually, he went trick-or-treating dressed as Sheamus. The only problem is that everyone thought he was a ghost. Sheamus smirks a little. Santino says that it was quite irritating and no wonder Sheamus is so angry. Sheamus isn’t grinning anymore. Santino says last night he consumed too much candy, and bad things happen. So, unfortunately, the doctor said that if he wrestles against Sheamus, he’s going to accidentally throw up in Sheamus’ face. He doesn’t think that anyone wants to see that, but the crowd disagrees. Santino says that he did find Sheamus a suitable replacement.
Yeah, you’re a stoopid boy…
Vladimir comes out and says that Sheamus talks funny. Now, Vladimir crush him. HULK SMASH!
Sheamus vs Vladimir Kozlov
Vladimir gets a good start against Sheamus, getting an early advantage, but Sheamus fights back. Vladimir wastes no time in getting it back, and Santino plays cheerleader for Kozlov. Sheamus gets Kozlov in the corner and gets Kozlov in the middle of the ring, hitting a back breaker and going for a cover. Kozlov kicks out at two, and Sheamus uses some rather Orton-like knee drops to the skull. Kozlov then grabs Sheamus and head butts his chest, going for the cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Sheamus fights back and hits the Brogue kick for the win.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Sheamus then gets Santino’s hand under his boot and steps back, only for Santino to scurry out of the ring. Sheamus follows him, and Santino offers Sheamus candy in exchange for safety, then offers to give him money. Sheamus drops the money and continues to stalk Santino. Santino then offers him the credit card, and Sheamus chucks that too. Santino then offers to write Sheamus a check, but Sheamus shoves him backward, and then kicks his stomach. Sheamus lifts Santino, and gets ready to hit the Irish curse, only for Morrison to come to his rescue, kicking Sheamus in the stomach and head. Santino trumpets the fact that he’s okay, and Morrison watches him.
Truth walks up to Orton backstage and Truth says that he’s cool with Orton, but he and Cena are friends. Truth says that he doesn’t like what he saw, and he thinks that Cena’s already made up his mind. Truth says that Cena’s not going to let himself get fired, and he has a funny feeling that Cena’s gonna count Barrett victorious. Orton says that tonight, he’s going to make Truth his tag-team partner. Cena and Orton have never gotten along, but Orton wants to see how he treats his friends. Orton says that tonight, they’re going to find out that Cena doesn’t have any friends.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel Obviously, Truth’s new gimmick is Danny Glover. More hood, less awards
@Niki_Sushi Its a shameful thing, lost my shorts! Too much sun, too much sun! #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes When the Hell did R-Truth become Dr. Phil of the Raw locker room? Stop being an instigator, Truth. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays Hey Truth, who is Wade Barriet?
@FrankWWEClown “Odds are I will eventually throw up…….IN YOUR FACE.” –Santino #WWE #RAW
@bethsharae I’m not entirely positive that R-Truth speaks the English language.
Mark Henry is on the phone with PeeWee and says that things aren’t the same since Evan got hurt, because he’s not just his tag partner, but his friend too. PeeWee says that he felt the same thing with a splinter, and I don’t know what he’s talking about. Henry turns around and says it’s a great story, but he still has to find a tag partner, which is why he’s there to see him. Herman says he’d be glad to be his tag partner. Henry says that Herman is just the man to give him a big hug, and Henry crushes him. Herman says that he knows what may cheer him up, and that’s Diva Twister. The Bellas, Melina, an Eve. Dear, God.
PeeWee says he’s taking some time off from his Broadway show – the PeeWee Herman show – for plenty of surprises, and Lita shows up!, joining them for Twister.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Thank gawd they introduced the Divas because this segment had *PAUSE* written all over it. #wwe
@kickoutblog Ya know, as much as I love Pee-Wee, it’s probably a really bad idea to play Twister with him. Just sayin.
OH, RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!
Well, Joe, you got part of a Ryder entrance!! That counts, right?
Zack Ryder vs Ezekiel Jackson
Ryder gets a small advantage, and Jackson takes that away without even blinking. Big Zeke wins.
Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.
The main event is going to be Orton and Truth against Barrett and Otunga with Cena as special guest ref!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Zack Ryder, meet your new pimp. Be sure to shave your legs and wax your bikini line; clients don’t like that shit.
@kickoutblog Ow, Ow, Ow… you know it! #BigZekeWillBreakYou
… PeeWee came out… but now I’m terrified.
Tonight’s secret word is ring. Apparently, we’re supposed to do something. And King is too excited about this. Scream, of course. I must have erased that from my memory. And I totally did just put arrested… Freudian slip.
AWESOME!
Cole welcome us to Miz-ville, and I want to punch him. PeeWee’s making some kind of noise in the mic as Miz climbs into the ring.
Miz says he thought RAW losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point of the show, but he was wrong. Miz doesn’t like PeeWee – though Riley does – and he always liked He-Man. PeeWee asks why he doesn’t marry He-Man. Miz tells him to get out of the ring, and everyone screams. Riley tells him not to say the secret word, and Miz says that he doesn’t care about the secret word, and he wants PeeWee out of his ring – cue screaming. Miz says that he’s not a cultural icon, just a pathetic excuse for a man. Miz and PeeWee proceed to fight like kindergartners, and Riley says he’ll handle it, but Riley gets in PeeWee’s face and Miz has to stop him. Miz asks if PeeWee is stupid, and says that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. Miz doesn’t care who PeeWee is, and asks if PeeWee wants him to beat him into a pulp, and PeeWee says that he’s shaking, and that PeeWee is starting to get angry. He’s a loner and a rebel. PeeWee says that they should not anger the P. He got his cousin backstage, and Miz mocks him a little bit. Miz says that’s so funny he forgot to laugh, and to bring his cousin and the whole Herman family, because he will destroy them all. PeeWee says that he’ll be out there to wipe the smirk off his face.
WELL, It’s a Big Show!
Show comes out in a PeeWee imitation suit, and I die a little inside. Show double clotheslines Miz and Riley out of the ring and picks PeeWee up. Pee Wee asks if they had a nice trip out of the ring.
“Miz, you’re not getting out of this so easy. You said you’d beat anyone in PeeWee’s family, well, tonight’s secret word is pain. Because you’re going to face PeeWee Herman’s cousin, the big PeeWee, next.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If Big Show does the Pee-wee Tequila dance, I might have to stop watching wrestling since nothing will ever top that.
@HitTheRopes Okay, who came in and changed the channel. I could have sworn I was tuning in to watch WRESTLING. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Oh fuck me. This is…. this is horrifying. Even Miz looks embarrassed for Show.
@RingsideRants Jesus, I miss wrestling. #WWE #RIPWrestling
@KKonvictionCom Oh it’s Pee-Wee. Hide yo kids, hide you wives, hide your husbands…cuz he’s rapin errbody up in hurr.
The Miz vs The Big Pee Wee Show
Show dominates Miz, which just hurts my heart even more than- no, less than that last segment. Show Irish Whips Miz, who ducks out of the ring for a moment, climbing back in the ring. Show then returns to dominating Miz, which we all know is because of his movie (alright, alright, I’ll stop being a fangirl. xP), and steps down on Miz’s throat, though Miz comes back, ducking under a clothesline and getting some hits to Show’s knee. Show comes back with a hard hit to Miz, then flips him onto the ground and hits a hard elbow drop. Show goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz looks a little dizzy, but continues to kick at Show’s knee, alternating between his head and knee. Miz hits a dropkick on Show’s knee, finally getting him down to his knees. Miz then gets Show in a headlock, holding it there tight. Show stands up, but Miz holds on, paying for it as Show falls backwards. Miz and Show both make their way to their feet, Show regaining momentum. Show climbs up to the second rope, watching Riley, and then dropping backward, only for Miz to roll out of the way. Miz then goes for the cover, but Show throws him into the ref. Miz attacks Show while he’s down, kicking him in the face before hitting some hard hits and going up to the top rope, aiming to knock Show down again. Miz goes up again, dropping his knuckles on Show’s head, once, and then doing it again for a third time. He goes for the cover, but Show throws him off again. Miz gets Show in a headlock, holding on tight once again. Show struggles to get up to his feet, flipping Miz off him and then clotheslining Miz once, twice, and Irish Whipping Miz and then throwing him over his back. Show makes a train noise and then runs across the ring, getting Miz set up for the choke slam, but Riley distracts Show, who uses the briefcase and gets disqualified.
The Big Show wins via disqualification.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand up for WWE, Celebrity Edition.>
Backstage, Cena is talking to Barrett. Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory, he wants Cena to clean his locker room: Sweep, mop, and then scrub Barrett’s back. Cena looks over and sees Otunga. Otunga says that Cena won’t be scrubbing Barrett’s back, because he’ll be raising Otunga’s hand. Otunga has more talent than anyone in Nexus, and more than Cena. Yeah, okay, Otunga.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar John Cena’s also gonna shave Wade Barrett’s back and Barrett will purr like a Walrus
@kickoutblog Pee-wee + Big Show + The Miz = wrestling gold
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Goldust and Aksana get married tomorrow night on NXT.>
That may have been a commercial, but it made me grin. Remember, DiBiase has a personal vendetta against Goldust for stealing Daddy’s belt. Which means daddy’s more pissed off.
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan
DiBiase starts to get an advantage, but Daniel eats his advantage with his feet. … I don’t know what that meant either. Anyway, Maryse walks over to Cole and says something, and Cole says that he’ll let us know. DiBiase tries to get the advantage away from Bryan, and does so after a hard fight. He gets Bryan in the middle of the ring, holding Bryan in a headlock. Maryse looks like she’s got something in mind, so keep an eye on her Bryan, and not a creepy one. Bryan attempts a LaBell lock in mid-air, but turns it into a cover, twice, and DiBiase kicks out both times. Alright, that staircase flip thing off the ropes was impressive. Bryan pounds the mat as he avoids DiBiase, getting pumped up, and then kicks DiBiase in the chest once, twice, three, four, five, six times. DiBiase counters a jump into a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets behind Bryan and tries for Dream Street, but Bryan gets him in the LaBell Lock, and DiBiase taps.
Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
DiBiase freaks out on Maryse and says that he can’t concentrate and he needs his title back.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #LeBellLock
@TheWWETweeter AHAHAH!! David Otunga just said he’s the most talented guy in @TheNexusWWE!! That was hilarious!! ..Oh wait.. He wasn’t kidding..? #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar #umad Ted. Its Daniel Bryan, there’s nothing you can do
Damn it. LayCool is here. I mean… No, that’s what I meant.
McCool says that she feels that LayCool got off on the wrong foot with everyone and she doesn’t care. They apologize for hurting the WWE Universe. They just need a fresh start, and the more they give, the more people take it the wrong way. Natalya, for example, is what they call special. She’s Canadian, and they’re going to be nice. They say that they’re going to give Natalya another chance at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight, but she won’t do that because they’re the best there was, is, and ever will be.
Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Natalya
I really thought Cole was going to say it was time for the most exciting sixty seconds of RAW. I was going to cry a little as I laughed myself to death. Anyway, Natalya gets a pretty good start, but McCool yanks it away from her and beats the shit out of her for a while. Just when it looks like Natalya can’t get back in it, Natalya steals an advantage back and throws McCool into Layla, then moves out of the way so that McCool kicks Layla, and then sneaks a pin in there for the victory.
Natalya wins via pinfall.
We see a heart monitor beeping, and then Freddie Prinze Jr comes up, and says that the someone’s still in a coma, and he’s going to miss the election. Then, we see it’s Vince McMahon?!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Michelle’s weave met some chlorine, apparently. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Look out, women are actually wrestling on WWE TV. #SignsofApocalypse
@CawCawBang THERE’S NO TIME OUT IN WRESTLING!!!!!
@BrdWrstlngFn As much as I can’t stand these two – I love the gimmick. It works.
@ThingsColeSays Oh God. That can’t be good.
@FrankWWEClown Aw, Layla is crying. How dare you Natalya. #WWE #RAW
@YourBoyDrew Vince..I just saw you at the appreciation show, what happened within that one day? Haha
Freddie talks to Vince and says that at least Linda comes over to visit, and she’s dedicated, even though she spent $50 million on a campaign. I was right. This is the obligatory Linda for Senate segment!! Now Freddie has to break the news that Taker was buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, Cena’s in Nexus, Paul Bearer’s back, Goldust is getting married, and RAW’s being taken over by PeeWee Herman. Vince says next, Freddie’s going to tell him Bryan is US Champion. Right on the money, Vince. Vince pulls off all the stuff keeping him hooked p and says that he has to go to the bathroom. Then again, if his wife can run for Senate, he can run to be the President. Oh, dear God. There’s a Blumenthal sign on Vince’s butt.
Stephanie suddenly shoots up in bed and says that she had the weirdest dream. She asks Triple H to make sure her dad’s still in a coma, and he says yes, and Thank God.
BRRRRRRRRRRRR What the hell is Creative on tonight?
Wade Barrett and David Otunga vs Randy Orton and R-Truth with Special Guest Referee John Cena
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes With the Blumenthal poster on his keister, WWE gave both candidates time in that segment. LOL
@RingsideRants Stay classy, Vince.
@kickoutblog Okay, Vince waking up after hearing his wife spent $50 million was pretty funny. Not digging the free Linda ads though.
@seraphalexiel D: I hate politics too. Go away
@CawCawBang Mr. Mcmahon is Mr. Krabs
@FrankWWEClown Cena would make a great ref if he wasn’t a Superstar, he just pulled out the tag ropes for this match. So vital. Eat that, Chioda. #WWE
@Lunna1969 Super Cena don’t look right in black and white stripes…
@KeepItFiveStar If John Cena destroys R-Truth I will love him for life
@ThingsColeSays Vince McMahon has lost his damn mind.
Otunga and Orton start out, locking up in the middle of the ring. Otunga backs Orton into a corner and beats on Orton for a while. Orton gets out, and hits a shoulder block on Otunga, getting him to his knees before kicking him in the stomach. He then Irish Whips Otunga and runs into an elbow. Otunga tags in Barrett, who gets a clothesline from Orton as he gets in. Cena gets Orton off of Barrett and Barrett takes advantage and rolls Orton up, only for Orton to kick out at two. It happens again, but Barrett tags in Otunga, who eats a scoop slam. Orton and Barrett lock eyes, and Orton drops his knee in Otunga’s face, then follows him out of the ring. Cena tells them to get back in the ring, and Orton goes to throw Otunga into the steps, only for Otunga to reverse it and throw Orton in. Cena tells Otunga to get Orton back in, and he does. Otunga goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, who immediately begins stomping on Orton. Barrett gets Orton in a headlock, but Orton gets to his feet and gives Barrett a very hard throw to the mat. Both men are down and work toward their corners, Otunga and Truth tagged in. Truth hits a hard, two hard elbows on Otunga, then throws Otunga down. Otunga Irish Whips Truth, who jumps off the corner and does his fancy dance moves, and goes for a cover, only for Otunga to kick out at two. Truth throws Otunga into the ropes, and Barrett is tagged in. Barrett goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Barrett Whips Truth into the corner, and Barrett hits a back breaker. Barrett lifts Truth and punches him in the face, then going up to the second rope and missing an elbow drop as Truth moves out of the way. Both men are down, again. Truth tags Orton, but Cena never saw the tag due to Otunga climbing into the ring and distracting Cena. Barrett drags Truth over to their corner and the Barrett tags Otunga in. Otunga slams Truth onto the mat and hits an elbow drop, going for a cover only for Truth to kick out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, Cena kicks Otunga to the apron, and Barrett beats Truth up a little. Otunga goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two, then puts Truth in a headlock. Truth fights back, and the two of them are down in the center of the ring after a double cross body. Otunga tags in Barrett, but Cena misses it because Orton distracts him. As Cena yells at Barrett, Orton hits the RKO on Otunga and takes Barrett out of the ring. Truth then gets the pin on Otunga.
R-Truth and WWE Champion Randy Orton win via pinfall.
For some reason, Truth’s music changes to Randy’s. The sound guys probably realized that playing Orton’s music made more sense since Orton really got them the victory. Either way, we end RAW with an epic staredown between Orton, Barrett, and Cena.
Overall, not a bad RAW, if you take away the scary ass PeeWee segments. See ya next week, ladies and gentlemen.
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